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Meet Goldman's New Partners

Tyler Durden's picture





 

It may be one of the smallest partner "classes" in recent Goldman history but for the 70 names below, today is one of the best days of their lives: it marks their induction into the real Master of the Galaxy club (sadly, not even Goldman is Master of the Universe any more). This is what Lloyd had to say: “We congratulate all those selected on this important achievement and look forward to their leadership in the years ahead." Spoiler alert: neither Greg Smith, nor Shashank Tripathi, are on the list.

Full new partner list as of January 1, 2013 via Goldman

Vivek Bantwal
Pat Fels
John Mallory
Michael Ronen
Heather Bellini
Pete Finn
Joseph S. Mauro
Jami Rubin
Brian Bolster
David Fishman
Charles M. McGarraugh
Yann Samuelides
Jill Borst
Sheara Fredman
Xavier C. Menguy
Joshua S. Schiffrin
Michael Brandmeyer
Jacques Gabillon
Amol Naik
David Schwimmer
Jason H. Brauth
Francesco Garzarelli
Jo Natauri
Gaurav Seth
Stuart Cash
Nick Giovanni
Una Neary
Michael Siegel
Alex Chi
Brad Gross
Gregory G. Olafson
Michael Smith
Kent Clark
Anthony Gutman
Lisa Opoku
Josh Struzziery III
Richard Cormack
Leland Hensch
Gerald Ouderkirk III
Damian Sutcliffe
Jack Daly
Russell W. Horwitz
Francesco Pascuzzi
Michael Swell
Anne Marie B. Darling
Roy Joseph
Anthony W. Pasquariello
Ryan Thall
David Dase
John Kim
Huw Pill
Bobby Vedral
Olaf Diaz-Pintado
Marie Louise Kirk
Dmitri Potishko
Simon Watson
Robert Drake-Brockman
Hugh Lawson
Sean Rice
Toby C. Watson
Alessandro Dusi
Scott Lebovitz
Francois J. Rigou
Yoshihiko Yano
Edward A. Emerson
Ericka Leslie
Scott M. Rofey
Antonio F. Esteves
Luca M. Lombardi
Jeroen Rombouts

 


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Wed, 11/14/2012 - 13:44 | Link to Comment FROZENOJFUTURES
FROZENOJFUTURES's picture

GET THESE BITCHES SOME BITCHES, BITCHES!

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 13:48 | Link to Comment Dalago
Dalago's picture

David Schwimmer made it!  His acting did kind of suck.

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 13:53 | Link to Comment Schmuck Raker
Schmuck Raker's picture

I can't believe the European Union wasn't even mentioned.

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 14:08 | Link to Comment no taste
no taste's picture

Amol NaikED Xavier C. Menguy Michael SwellED.

Anne Marie B. Darling and Pat Fels David Schwimmer for Jack Daly.

Alex ChiET Kent Clark.

Huw Pill Jami Rubin?

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 14:17 | Link to Comment redpill
redpill's picture

mazel tov!

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 14:36 | Link to Comment oddball
oddball's picture

molotov!

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 14:54 | Link to Comment economics9698
economics9698's picture

Kill the bankers.  200-300 yards, 30-06.  One shot, one kill.

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 21:29 | Link to Comment Cosimo de Medici
Cosimo de Medici's picture

The bottom line is that they are rich and you are not.  They didn't make their money fairly?  Welcome to the Universe, pal.  It ain't fair.  Some win, some lose.  The losers talk tough, but of course do nothing.  That is what losers do.  Your towel just slipped in the locker room, and that boasted thirty-ought-six is a snub-nosed BB gun.  Your rifle doesn't compensate---cannot compensate---for what that random Universe didn't give you.  Fight Club is fiction, buddy.  It's fantasy, like you and your "gun".

By the way, aren't you the one outed (by a now banned former member) as a Government contractor, benefitting from everybody else' tax revenues?  What's that you say?  "Keep Government out of my Federal contract!"

No, I'm not a Goldman partner and I'm not defending them.  These silly threats, violent fantasies, and talk about courage you absolutely lack are bullshit, however, and deserve comment.

 

Thu, 11/15/2012 - 01:33 | Link to Comment economics9698
economics9698's picture

lol.  Brother there will come a day when it gets real.  Be ready.  FYI ask the US Army how effective the 200-300 range was in Iraq.  You don't know shit.

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 14:08 | Link to Comment Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

The European Union can't be a peace prize winner and Goldman partner in the same year. That would be like a conflict of interest...or something. That would be like awarding somebody who kills civilians around the world with drones a peace prize and they wouldn't do that would they?

 

I

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 14:14 | Link to Comment Skateboarder
Skateboarder's picture

The fearless leader only attacks those who pose a major threat to our freedom and democracy. 'Twas totally a good call to send "presents" to those diaperheads who were attending the funeral of another diaperhead from a previous round of "presents." Gee, our fearless leader is so generous and compassionate.

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 15:38 | Link to Comment FoeHammer
FoeHammer's picture

"That would be like a conflict of interest...or something." haha. Your points are always well made and in an entertaining fashion. Keep up the great posting Dr. Engali

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 14:19 | Link to Comment Silver Bug
Silver Bug's picture

The new Crooks on the block.

 

http://schiffblog.blogspot.ca/

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 15:22 | Link to Comment Bangin7GramRocks
Bangin7GramRocks's picture

Future indictment list? A girl can dream.

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 15:47 | Link to Comment jdelano
jdelano's picture

Goldman managed to overtly usurp/topple the governments of two European countries last year without even breaking a sweat.... how exactly are they not masters of the universe any longer?   

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 13:44 | Link to Comment firstdivision
firstdivision's picture

The Tribe hasn't had a strong showing on this list for the past couple of years.

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 13:59 | Link to Comment localsavage
localsavage's picture

Are you blind?

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 14:02 | Link to Comment firstdivision
firstdivision's picture

Pardon the grammatical error. 

*As strong of a showing

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 15:45 | Link to Comment John Self
John Self's picture

Yes -- when WILL Andre Thornton and Joe Charbeneau get their due?

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 21:44 | Link to Comment SillySalesmanQu...
SillySalesmanQuestion's picture

+ 1 for your Cleveland Indians reference.

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 13:45 | Link to Comment Honey Badger
Honey Badger's picture

There is your real terrorist list

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 13:55 | Link to Comment Schmuck Raker
Schmuck Raker's picture

We're going to need a bigger gallows.

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 14:05 | Link to Comment fourchan
fourchan's picture

thats about a boxcar worth.

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 14:27 | Link to Comment LMAOLORI
LMAOLORI's picture

 

 

Good luck with that lifelong Democrat Lloyd Blankfein bought the best protection already obama and holder and holder's coming back for more of the same

 

 

 

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 13:45 | Link to Comment Robot Traders Mom
Robot Traders Mom's picture

Which one of these 'partners' is our future Tresury Secretary?

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 13:56 | Link to Comment Skateboarder
Skateboarder's picture

The one with a crooked smile and depopulation in mind?

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 14:07 | Link to Comment BLOTTO
BLOTTO's picture

Meet the new boss - Same as the Old Boss.

~Wont get FOOLED Again (TheWho)

.

Same as it ever was

~Once in a Life time (Talking Heads)

.

Nothing New Under the Sun,

History is merely repeating itself

~King Solomon

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 14:08 | Link to Comment seek
seek's picture

Jami Rubin is Robert Rubin's kid, I believe. They plan this good enough and they can put together the Clinton Cabinet Reloaded.

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 16:36 | Link to Comment optimator
optimator's picture

Hate to repeat, "But money is like incest, best kept in the family".

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 13:46 | Link to Comment buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

He went on to say: Your soul is like your appendix, you'll never even miss it.

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 13:47 | Link to Comment Breezy47
Breezy47's picture

David Schwimmer the "Friends" sitcom actor made Partner? :-)

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 13:47 | Link to Comment insanelysane
insanelysane's picture

There must be a mistake, Kevin is not on the list.  WTF???

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 13:58 | Link to Comment ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

"Michael", "David", and "Joseph" appear to be the three biggest names.

What gives?

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 14:22 | Link to Comment insanelysane
insanelysane's picture

If you change the list to David, Joseph, Michael you get the initials DJM, which doesn't seem to mean anything until you take the 2 from 2nd term and "subtract 2" from the first 2 letters and "add 2" to the last letter because it is last name.

Then you get BHO.  Coincidence?  I think not.

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 15:17 | Link to Comment NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

I LOLed.

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 16:58 | Link to Comment insanelysane
insanelysane's picture

Thanks.  but I wasn't kidding........   ;-)

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 14:02 | Link to Comment kralizec
kralizec's picture

Change my name to Michael and send in an app.

/

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 13:50 | Link to Comment Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

I'm sure they are very nice people.

/sarc

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 13:51 | Link to Comment EvlTheCat
EvlTheCat's picture

Here Tyler, you messed up the title, "Meet Goldman's New Partners in Crime".

 

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 13:50 | Link to Comment lizzy36
lizzy36's picture

Ummm, i don't understand.

How come these don't come with pics and "status" notifications.

Christian Mingle rejected me, when i said i was a yid seeking same sex partner for exlploration and good times.

I was hoping Goldman Mingle would treat me better.

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 14:10 | Link to Comment Skateboarder
Skateboarder's picture

Sodomy is the only real prerequisite for joining Goldman Mingle... quite the opposite of Christianity. You can only score those hot Christian girls by spittin verses; the banker girls swoon if you're willing to take it up the butt.

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 13:56 | Link to Comment ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

O.K., so which one will be the next FED Chairman or head up the S.E.C.?

"Kent Clark" would be a good name for S.E.C. head (anti-Superman).

"Xavier C. Menguy" would be too difficult for CNBC to report on.

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 13:54 | Link to Comment Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

70 more parasites rewarded for squeezing a little more out of the host.

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 14:54 | Link to Comment Pseudo Anonym
Pseudo Anonym's picture

hmm,

70 more parasites rewarded for squeezing a little more out of the host

not that many heebs rewarded this time; wtf...?

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 16:34 | Link to Comment optimator
optimator's picture

Probably because they will have a "liability" to share!

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 13:58 | Link to Comment Rathmullan
Rathmullan's picture

spit shine them ferragamos, make jonny horzine proud

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 14:04 | Link to Comment icanhasbailout
icanhasbailout's picture

someone switch this with Obama's list

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 14:15 | Link to Comment EvlTheCat
EvlTheCat's picture

Switch it with the TSA's no fly list first, then Barry's.  Double impact.... Literally..

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 14:16 | Link to Comment williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture

They call them partners, but they are not partners in the traditional sense of the word. They are partners in a "racket."

The company is a corporation with public shareholders and they are the ones who, along with the public treasury via bailouts, suffer losses when these so called partners make reckless bets with other peoples money. Quite a nice racket.

What I am saying is of course obvious to alert ZH readers.

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 14:21 | Link to Comment drivenZ
drivenZ's picture

can you quantify those losses for me? because I dont think you know what you're talking about. 

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 14:32 | Link to Comment williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture

Just go check what their end was in the AIG bailout.

And as a matter of business entity law I know precisely what I am talking about. I suspect, however, that you do not know what I am referring to, I suggest you go and read the background section of their 10K. While you are at it, I suggest you bear in mind that a General Partner in the legal sense has joint and several liability for all of the losses of an enterprise.

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 14:34 | Link to Comment drivenZ
drivenZ's picture

AIG payed out on all CDS, GS's slice was no different than anyone else. I fail to see how GS getting paid out on trades with AIG is GS's fault. But what do i know. 

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 14:36 | Link to Comment williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture

Are you Tim Geithner or Lloyd Blankfein?

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 15:06 | Link to Comment Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

Stop playing with your food Banzai7 and just eat.

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 15:15 | Link to Comment drivenZ
drivenZ's picture

still waiting on an answer. never got one yesterday when I questioned blindly investing in precious metals either. Oh well, seems the indoctrination by ZH continues unabated.   

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 17:15 | Link to Comment williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture

Do us all a big favor.

Please go back and tell who ever it is that sent you here, that neither I nor the people who frequent this site are in need of anymore foolish narratives about how the transactions reflected on this chart somehow do not amount to a bailout of of the storied institutions denoted by the color  of piss. Or for that matter the moronic idea that Goldman Sachs had no influence in their consummation.

After all they were just another helpless shitty counterparty just like Socgen, DB, and oh dear Merrill,  right?

Fully hedged indeed.

 

I don't know who you harassed about PM. One thing I do know though, PM has been a better trading bet than these storied institutions during the past four years and I am not giving investment advice of any kind.

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 18:54 | Link to Comment drivenZ
drivenZ's picture

....and treasury has monetized the majority of its stake in the company for proceeds in excess of 60B. 

Thu, 11/15/2012 - 00:26 | Link to Comment williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture

And the cow jumped over the Bernanke moon...

Send our best to Lloydie.

Tell him we are not impressed with him and the rest of the Wall Street welfare queens that had to be rescued from their recklessness.

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 17:19 | Link to Comment akak
akak's picture

Blythe, Lloyd, Jamie, Ben, Timmah --- is that you?

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 17:16 | Link to Comment williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture

There's a mole in my oatmeal Dad...

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 14:37 | Link to Comment tickhound
tickhound's picture

So 4 years of 'recovery' and the Thieves Guild is still trimming fat?  QE mania must be over.         

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 14:39 | Link to Comment SISSYFUSS
SISSYFUSS's picture

LOL.  Google some of their names for 'entertainment':

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1211676/Goldman-Sachs-banker-off...

 

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 15:17 | Link to Comment albanian
albanian's picture

++10

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 14:41 | Link to Comment Oldballplayer
Oldballplayer's picture

I know its not classy to make fun of someone's name.  But some of these folks have some fucked up names.

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 14:51 | Link to Comment grunk
grunk's picture

"Made" guys.

At least we know who we're bailing out with QE.

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 14:52 | Link to Comment SmoothCoolSmoke
SmoothCoolSmoke's picture

F*ck them, those f*ucking f*scks. 

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 15:04 | Link to Comment “Rebellion to t...
“Rebellion to tyranny is obedience to God.”-ThomasJefferson's picture

"Partner" is just a watered down term that does not mean what it originally meant in investment banking.  Partners historically had skin in the game.  Partners historically risked their own fortune when making investments. 

In the early 1980's, Solomon Bros. went public.  This move allowed the firm to raise vast amounts of capital from the public domain; hence allowing the watered down version of "partners" taking very little to no personal risk at all, while increasing their net worth exponentially.

Goldman went public late 1990's.  Same thing.  Lots of "sophisticated" investment strategies, too complex for the simple minded masses.  Shitloads of money made on a great many scams the patsy's were too dumb to understand; at absolutely no personal risk at all to the "partners".

The prestigious B-schools throughout this nation have created more terrorists, (partners), than all the mosques throughout the entire middle east.

 

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 15:03 | Link to Comment williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture

GOLDMAN SQUID BALLOON AT TIMES SQUARE

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 15:23 | Link to Comment Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

Stay-Puff Goldman looks a wee bit bloated from all that QE.

<Time to double down and go for the quad bypass.>

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 15:09 | Link to Comment Zola
Zola's picture

These guys have to be either totally idiotic or full of hubris to so publicly advertise the name of the real criminals.

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 15:51 | Link to Comment NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

It will be an interesting indicator when they finally feel compelled to hide that info.

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 15:14 | Link to Comment Grinder74
Grinder74's picture

Where's David Petraeus, or Felicity Broadchest, er, Broadwell?

 

/BUCK FARACK/

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 15:46 | Link to Comment RealityCheque
RealityCheque's picture

And all it cost them was the blood of their first born child!

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 16:11 | Link to Comment larz
larz's picture

list of future world politicians

Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!