• Tim Knight from...
    04/28/2016 - 00:27
    I was expecting a few boring candidate statements of the U.S. Senate - AKA the World's Most Exclusive Club - but, boy, was I wrong. Just take a look at some of these gems.

Meet Goldman's New Partners

Tyler Durden's picture




 

It may be one of the smallest partner "classes" in recent Goldman history but for the 70 names below, today is one of the best days of their lives: it marks their induction into the real Master of the Galaxy club (sadly, not even Goldman is Master of the Universe any more). This is what Lloyd had to say: “We congratulate all those selected on this important achievement and look forward to their leadership in the years ahead." Spoiler alert: neither Greg Smith, nor Shashank Tripathi, are on the list.

Full new partner list as of January 1, 2013 via Goldman

Vivek Bantwal
Pat Fels
John Mallory
Michael Ronen
Heather Bellini
Pete Finn
Joseph S. Mauro
Jami Rubin
Brian Bolster
David Fishman
Charles M. McGarraugh
Yann Samuelides
Jill Borst
Sheara Fredman
Xavier C. Menguy
Joshua S. Schiffrin
Michael Brandmeyer
Jacques Gabillon
Amol Naik
David Schwimmer
Jason H. Brauth
Francesco Garzarelli
Jo Natauri
Gaurav Seth
Stuart Cash
Nick Giovanni
Una Neary
Michael Siegel
Alex Chi
Brad Gross
Gregory G. Olafson
Michael Smith
Kent Clark
Anthony Gutman
Lisa Opoku
Josh Struzziery III
Richard Cormack
Leland Hensch
Gerald Ouderkirk III
Damian Sutcliffe
Jack Daly
Russell W. Horwitz
Francesco Pascuzzi
Michael Swell
Anne Marie B. Darling
Roy Joseph
Anthony W. Pasquariello
Ryan Thall
David Dase
John Kim
Huw Pill
Bobby Vedral
Olaf Diaz-Pintado
Marie Louise Kirk
Dmitri Potishko
Simon Watson
Robert Drake-Brockman
Hugh Lawson
Sean Rice
Toby C. Watson
Alessandro Dusi
Scott Lebovitz
Francois J. Rigou
Yoshihiko Yano
Edward A. Emerson
Ericka Leslie
Scott M. Rofey
Antonio F. Esteves
Luca M. Lombardi
Jeroen Rombouts

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Wed, 11/14/2012 - 13:44 | 2980486 FROZENOJFUTURES
FROZENOJFUTURES's picture

GET THESE BITCHES SOME BITCHES, BITCHES!

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 13:48 | 2980504 Dalago
Dalago's picture

David Schwimmer made it!  His acting did kind of suck.

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 13:53 | 2980546 Schmuck Raker
Schmuck Raker's picture

I can't believe the European Union wasn't even mentioned.

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 14:08 | 2980614 no taste
no taste's picture

Amol NaikED Xavier C. Menguy Michael SwellED.

Anne Marie B. Darling and Pat Fels David Schwimmer for Jack Daly.

Alex ChiET Kent Clark.

Huw Pill Jami Rubin?

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 14:17 | 2980658 redpill
redpill's picture

mazel tov!

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 14:36 | 2980747 oddball
oddball's picture

molotov!

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 14:54 | 2980834 economics9698
economics9698's picture

Kill the bankers.  200-300 yards, 30-06.  One shot, one kill.

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 21:29 | 2982433 Cosimo de Medici
Cosimo de Medici's picture

The bottom line is that they are rich and you are not.  They didn't make their money fairly?  Welcome to the Universe, pal.  It ain't fair.  Some win, some lose.  The losers talk tough, but of course do nothing.  That is what losers do.  Your towel just slipped in the locker room, and that boasted thirty-ought-six is a snub-nosed BB gun.  Your rifle doesn't compensate---cannot compensate---for what that random Universe didn't give you.  Fight Club is fiction, buddy.  It's fantasy, like you and your "gun".

By the way, aren't you the one outed (by a now banned former member) as a Government contractor, benefitting from everybody else' tax revenues?  What's that you say?  "Keep Government out of my Federal contract!"

No, I'm not a Goldman partner and I'm not defending them.  These silly threats, violent fantasies, and talk about courage you absolutely lack are bullshit, however, and deserve comment.

 

Thu, 11/15/2012 - 01:33 | 2983150 economics9698
economics9698's picture

lol.  Brother there will come a day when it gets real.  Be ready.  FYI ask the US Army how effective the 200-300 range was in Iraq.  You don't know shit.

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 14:08 | 2980618 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

The European Union can't be a peace prize winner and Goldman partner in the same year. That would be like a conflict of interest...or something. That would be like awarding somebody who kills civilians around the world with drones a peace prize and they wouldn't do that would they?

 

I

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 14:14 | 2980642 Skateboarder
Skateboarder's picture

The fearless leader only attacks those who pose a major threat to our freedom and democracy. 'Twas totally a good call to send "presents" to those diaperheads who were attending the funeral of another diaperhead from a previous round of "presents." Gee, our fearless leader is so generous and compassionate.

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 15:38 | 2981054 FoeHammer
FoeHammer's picture

"That would be like a conflict of interest...or something." haha. Your points are always well made and in an entertaining fashion. Keep up the great posting Dr. Engali

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 14:19 | 2980661 Silver Bug
Silver Bug's picture

The new Crooks on the block.

 

http://schiffblog.blogspot.ca/

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 15:22 | 2980975 Bangin7GramRocks
Bangin7GramRocks's picture

Future indictment list? A girl can dream.

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 15:47 | 2981106 jdelano
jdelano's picture

Goldman managed to overtly usurp/topple the governments of two European countries last year without even breaking a sweat.... how exactly are they not masters of the universe any longer?   

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 13:44 | 2980487 firstdivision
firstdivision's picture

The Tribe hasn't had a strong showing on this list for the past couple of years.

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 13:59 | 2980578 localsavage
localsavage's picture

Are you blind?

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 14:02 | 2980591 firstdivision
firstdivision's picture

Pardon the grammatical error. 

*As strong of a showing

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 15:45 | 2981091 John Self
John Self's picture

Yes -- when WILL Andre Thornton and Joe Charbeneau get their due?

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 21:44 | 2982493 SillySalesmanQu...
SillySalesmanQuestion's picture

+ 1 for your Cleveland Indians reference.

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 13:45 | 2980490 Honey Badger
Honey Badger's picture

There is your real terrorist list

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 13:55 | 2980559 Schmuck Raker
Schmuck Raker's picture

We're going to need a bigger gallows.

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 14:05 | 2980604 fourchan
fourchan's picture

thats about a boxcar worth.

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 14:27 | 2980707 LMAOLORI
LMAOLORI's picture

 

 

Good luck with that lifelong Democrat Lloyd Blankfein bought the best protection already obama and holder and holder's coming back for more of the same

 

 

 

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 13:45 | 2980493 Robot Traders Mom
Robot Traders Mom's picture

Which one of these 'partners' is our future Tresury Secretary?

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 13:56 | 2980565 Skateboarder
Skateboarder's picture

The one with a crooked smile and depopulation in mind?

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 14:07 | 2980607 BLOTTO
BLOTTO's picture

Meet the new boss - Same as the Old Boss.

~Wont get FOOLED Again (TheWho)

.

Same as it ever was

~Once in a Life time (Talking Heads)

.

Nothing New Under the Sun,

History is merely repeating itself

~King Solomon

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 14:08 | 2980615 seek
seek's picture

Jami Rubin is Robert Rubin's kid, I believe. They plan this good enough and they can put together the Clinton Cabinet Reloaded.

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 16:36 | 2981371 optimator
optimator's picture

Hate to repeat, "But money is like incest, best kept in the family".

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 13:46 | 2980499 buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

He went on to say: Your soul is like your appendix, you'll never even miss it.

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 13:47 | 2980502 Breezy47
Breezy47's picture

David Schwimmer the "Friends" sitcom actor made Partner? :-)

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 13:47 | 2980508 insanelysane
insanelysane's picture

There must be a mistake, Kevin is not on the list.  WTF???

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 13:58 | 2980575 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

"Michael", "David", and "Joseph" appear to be the three biggest names.

What gives?

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 14:22 | 2980679 insanelysane
insanelysane's picture

If you change the list to David, Joseph, Michael you get the initials DJM, which doesn't seem to mean anything until you take the 2 from 2nd term and "subtract 2" from the first 2 letters and "add 2" to the last letter because it is last name.

Then you get BHO.  Coincidence?  I think not.

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 15:17 | 2980947 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

I LOLed.

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 16:58 | 2981474 insanelysane
insanelysane's picture

Thanks.  but I wasn't kidding........   ;-)

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 14:02 | 2980586 kralizec
kralizec's picture

Change my name to Michael and send in an app.

/

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 13:50 | 2980527 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

I'm sure they are very nice people.

/sarc

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 13:51 | 2980531 EvlTheCat
EvlTheCat's picture

Here Tyler, you messed up the title, "Meet Goldman's New Partners in Crime".

 

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 13:50 | 2980533 lizzy36
lizzy36's picture

Ummm, i don't understand.

How come these don't come with pics and "status" notifications.

Christian Mingle rejected me, when i said i was a yid seeking same sex partner for exlploration and good times.

I was hoping Goldman Mingle would treat me better.

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 14:10 | 2980622 Skateboarder
Skateboarder's picture

Sodomy is the only real prerequisite for joining Goldman Mingle... quite the opposite of Christianity. You can only score those hot Christian girls by spittin verses; the banker girls swoon if you're willing to take it up the butt.

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 13:56 | 2980537 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

O.K., so which one will be the next FED Chairman or head up the S.E.C.?

"Kent Clark" would be a good name for S.E.C. head (anti-Superman).

"Xavier C. Menguy" would be too difficult for CNBC to report on.

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 13:54 | 2980550 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

70 more parasites rewarded for squeezing a little more out of the host.

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 14:54 | 2980752 Pseudo Anonym
Pseudo Anonym's picture

hmm,

70 more parasites rewarded for squeezing a little more out of the host

not that many heebs rewarded this time; wtf...?

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 16:34 | 2981355 optimator
optimator's picture

Probably because they will have a "liability" to share!

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 13:58 | 2980573 Rathmullan
Rathmullan's picture

spit shine them ferragamos, make jonny horzine proud

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 14:04 | 2980598 icanhasbailout
icanhasbailout's picture

someone switch this with Obama's list

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 14:15 | 2980649 EvlTheCat
EvlTheCat's picture

Switch it with the TSA's no fly list first, then Barry's.  Double impact.... Literally..

Wed, 11/14/2012 - 14:16 | 2980651 williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture

They call them partners, but they are not partners in the traditional sense of the word. They are partners in a "racket."

The company is a corporation with public shareholders and they are the ones who, along with the public treasury via bailouts, suffer losses when these so called partners make reckless bets with other peoples money. Quite a nice racket.

What I am saying is of course obvious to alert ZH readers.

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