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Minor Glitch Emerges In Spanish "Bad Bank" Deployment: No Investor Interest

Tyler Durden's picture




 

Two weeks ago, when Spain unveiled the specifics of the SAREB, also known as the Spanish Bad Bank initiative, which is simply the haphazardly put together chaotic plan to shift toxic assets from Spain's already insolvent banking sector to a bank that is even more insolvent than all others as it is fulled to the brim with "assets" such as land which has already been discounted by 80%, and backed with Spanish government guarantees, which are largely worthless as the entire country has been on the verge of demanding a bailout for 4 months now, we summarized it simply as follows: "it is ugly - far uglier than many had expected. And while the Spanish government expects private interest to take some of this massively discounted 'crap' off their hands, we have three words: 'deleveraging' and 'no bid!" We were right, although one wouldn't get that impression if one reads the official party line. Here is how Reuters summarized the government's party line: "Spain's bad bank is generating a lot of interest amongst international investors, an economy ministry source said. The bad bank would be possible with only domestic participation but non-resident investors gave the vehicle credibility, the source said." That's a lie. Here is the truth.

From Spain's El Confidencial:

The government postponed for a month the launch of the Sareb. The 'bad bank' that will manage real estate assets and real estate loans of nationalized entities not formally ready for December 1, when committed to the European aid program set out in the MOU. To overcome this delay, the Fund for Orderly Bank Restructuring (FROB) will create a society preparatory to meet deadlines and allow time for entering the shareholders, to the difficulties in attracting private investors before 30 November.

In other words, not only was the Spanish government caught lying (hardly notable these days), but just as we expected, over two weeks after the launch of "Sareb" - the latest deus ex which was supposed to offload the need to issue ever more sovereign debt to fund Spain's nationalization of ever more insolvent sectors to private investors, said private investors have taken a long, hard look at the "deal" the Bad Bank offers them and have said "no bid." Oh yes, and so much for "vehicle credibility."

We can't wait to see what other Tim Geithner inspired financial contraptions a broke Spain, and an asset-less Europe, have up their sleeve next.

 

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Fri, 11/16/2012 - 15:17 | 2989040 Dalago
Dalago's picture

An official run on the bank... well in this case nation!

Fri, 11/16/2012 - 15:28 | 2989064 Central Bankster
Central Bankster's picture

But but but it's a steal because it's trading at 'half of book value ' - Dick Bove

Fri, 11/16/2012 - 15:31 | 2989101 knukles
knukles's picture

The ignorance and arrogance of just thinking that one can take numerous piles of dog shit, collect it all on one bucket, call it collateralized and think that there are ready buyers.

But Knukles, what if we call it something else?

Ya got a point there young fella...

How about "Poop", Knukles?  Performance Oriented Optimal Paper?

Call the lawyers, start the drafting, get the printers ready, calendar the road show, call a sales force meeting....  Get me a list of the usual Muppets to buy the dogs...

Fri, 11/16/2012 - 15:31 | 2989108 ACP
ACP's picture

That reminded me of a cartoon I saw years ago of a fly holding a sign that said, "Will work for poop."

Fri, 11/16/2012 - 15:34 | 2989118 knukles
knukles's picture

Yes indeed.  That young associate come up with the name "POOPS", he's now on the fast track for Partner....

POOPS for sale, getchur POOPS here, step right up, POOPS, Good POOPS...

Sompthin' ta "dump" on the Muppets

Fri, 11/16/2012 - 16:38 | 2989451 upWising
upWising's picture

Knuckles :: You are on the right track with the lawyers, printers, sales force, etc.

What you FORGET is:

• LOGO :: this undertaking needs a "fresh" "exciting" logo that "inspires" investors.

• TAG LINE :: again, some "fresh" and "exciting"!!!  For example, "Poop : it's more than Paper"

 • MISSION(ary position) STATEMENT :: No undertaking, no organization is real unless it has a Clear Mission(ary position) for employees and investors!  example:
"Our challenge is to assertively network economically sound methods of empowerment so that we may continually negotiate performance based infrastructures"
or
"The Performance Oriented Optimal Paper Mission is to scout profitable growth opportunities in relationships, both internally and externally, in emerging, mission inclusive markets, and explore new paradigms and then filter and communicate and evangelize the findings."

• STATEMENT OF SHARED VALUES :: for example,
"We are all one team. Success is about a single, consistent message to our customers”
"We are about success and success is about us."  

• DECLARATION OF VISION :: When backed by a "fresh" and "exciting" logo and tag-line, VISION is The third essential piece of the "Success Trifecta."   Now schedule a "roll-out" which includes an "unveiling" of the new logo with red velvet flourish (breathless gasps and wild applause essential).  Lapel pins, coffee cups, mouse pads, etc. should be liberally available to those lucky individuals in attendance.  BEACH TOWELS with embossed logos are a sure-fire path to success!
BUZZ CREATED!!     SUCCESS INSURED!!!!

 

Fri, 11/16/2012 - 19:11 | 2989969 StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

P (eople)

O (rder)

O (ur)

P (atties)

"POOP, you never let us down!" -- Spongebob Squarepants

Fri, 11/16/2012 - 22:44 | 2990596 philipat
philipat's picture

Well it worked for CDO's?

Fri, 11/16/2012 - 15:30 | 2989104 ACP
ACP's picture

So is it safe to say that Spain just got "Zucked?"

Fri, 11/16/2012 - 15:28 | 2989089 Jonas Parker
Jonas Parker's picture

More like a "run away from" rather than a "run on"...

Fri, 11/16/2012 - 15:29 | 2989093 _ConanTheLibert...
_ConanTheLibertarian_'s picture

run on the nation... I like that

Fri, 11/16/2012 - 15:30 | 2989103 slaughterer
slaughterer's picture

Spain: just chop it off from Europe and I will be happy.  Just detonate the fcking mountains between France and Spain and let Spain float out into the Atlantic.  FCK. SPAIN.  FCK SPAIN.  Let Spain float out to the ocean and get swallowed by the 100,000 JAws-type sharks waiting to eat its stanky pussy.  Spain, you have contributed nothing to Western civilization , therefore we must killl you.  Goodbye Spain.  Goodnight fascist,m Euro-trash, depressed, pick-pocketing Spain. We have no interest in investing in you.  FCK YOU.  

Fri, 11/16/2012 - 15:56 | 2989226 Mark Carney
Mark Carney's picture

I sense some bitterness: bad experience last time you were in Seville?

Fri, 11/16/2012 - 16:33 | 2989461 upWising
upWising's picture

Slaugterer:  You need not candy-coat your opinions for those of us here on Zerohedge.  We are mature adults and can handle strong opinions.

Fri, 11/16/2012 - 17:20 | 2989672 Ropingdown
Ropingdown's picture

Slaughterer: She said it would cost you 30 Euros.  She didn't guarantee you'd get off. Jeez.

Fri, 11/16/2012 - 18:39 | 2989910 Parrotile
Parrotile's picture

Obviously not a case of "Vive L'Espana"!

Actually there are some very nice bits, and our pretty extensive travels within Spain and Portugal were always very pleasant. Very pleasant people, but driving standards were "something to get used to". Bear in mind that Portugal has the highest road mortality rate per user km of any EU Country, and we suspect Spain wasn't so very far behind!

Be careful what you wish for - The Canaries are also Spanish, and very geologically unstable. The predicted major seismic event there (with large chunks of island "falling" into the very deep ocean) would produce the mother of all tsunamis on the US East Coast, and the USGS has assessed this as a significant risk event.

Fri, 11/16/2012 - 16:04 | 2989283 FL_Conservative
FL_Conservative's picture

You mean that NO ONE is lining up for an OPPORTUNITY to lose 80% of their money?????  I'm stunned!

Fri, 11/16/2012 - 15:17 | 2989044 swissaustrian
swissaustrian's picture

I have a solution: You force pension funds by law to invest in the bad bank.

Fri, 11/16/2012 - 15:20 | 2989052 surf0766
surf0766's picture

And politicians

Fri, 11/16/2012 - 15:25 | 2989069 Non Passaran
Non Passaran's picture

Or, or.... be nice and temporarily borrow said funds until such time as the monies can be safely returned and the lender handsomely rewarded for their generosity and patriotism.

Fri, 11/16/2012 - 15:29 | 2989097 Jonas Parker
Jonas Parker's picture

Good Gawd! Delete that post before Obama sees it!

Fri, 11/16/2012 - 15:32 | 2989111 centerline
centerline's picture

I am sure that plan has been on the backburner for years now.  

Fri, 11/16/2012 - 15:30 | 2989098 Central Bankster
Central Bankster's picture

What do you think saving in euros equates to? :) it a trap! 

Fri, 11/16/2012 - 15:30 | 2989099 Central Bankster
Central Bankster's picture

Dupe

Fri, 11/16/2012 - 16:01 | 2989268 Joebloinvestor
Joebloinvestor's picture

Better still you force the pensions of the ALL government workers to invest in the bad bank.

Fri, 11/16/2012 - 15:19 | 2989050 Schmuck Raker
Schmuck Raker's picture

Thanks ZH.

"That's a lie. Here is the truth."

If it weren't for you guys we would ALL look like Tom Lee.

Fri, 11/16/2012 - 15:42 | 2989157 debtor of last ...
debtor of last resort's picture

I would look like a dead person hanging from a branch. P.s. my 3,5 yr old loves your avatar. Next step is letting her buy bullion.

Fri, 11/16/2012 - 15:20 | 2989054 Jason T
Jason T's picture

some Spainards have gone Galt already .. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=91pBFyLWIx4

Fri, 11/16/2012 - 15:21 | 2989059 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

Hey as long as we can just keep it all going based upon total lies, we should be fine.

Fri, 11/16/2012 - 15:21 | 2989060 Rathmullan
Rathmullan's picture

What about Jonnie Horzine's new hedge fund Lemmings&Maggots LLC?

Fri, 11/16/2012 - 15:22 | 2989065 Commander Cody
Commander Cody's picture

Big Ben is itching for some o' that SAREB.

Fri, 11/16/2012 - 15:23 | 2989066 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

             

                 "In other words, not only was the Spanish government caught lying"

I keep looking to catch government telling the truth. The only person from government  I know who does just retired.

Fri, 11/16/2012 - 15:23 | 2989070 disabledvet
disabledvet's picture

Repeat after me: "Blame Sandy." or, when you tire of the typing simply "Sandy" for short. Like this:

Fri, 11/16/2012 - 15:25 | 2989077 disabledvet
disabledvet's picture

Sandy.

Fri, 11/16/2012 - 15:47 | 2989173 Rogue Trooper
Rogue Trooper's picture

Bush?

Fri, 11/16/2012 - 15:23 | 2989073 timbo_em
timbo_em's picture

At the end of the day as a eurozone taxpayer I will show some interest in this great investment opportunity. Just ask my Gubmint.

Fri, 11/16/2012 - 15:25 | 2989081 Agent P
Agent P's picture

It's all in the marketing...next time instead of calling it the "Spanish Bad Bank" call it the "Super Fucking Awesome Bank of Spain".

Fri, 11/16/2012 - 15:34 | 2989119 NoDebt
NoDebt's picture

Agreed.  It's just a 'messaging' problem, not a systemic/structural one!

 

Fri, 11/16/2012 - 16:54 | 2989563 knukles
knukles's picture

All fixed, another triumph of form over substance.

Fri, 11/16/2012 - 15:50 | 2989195 Central Bankster
Central Bankster's picture

Rainbow Unicorns Shitting Skittles Bank? 

Fri, 11/16/2012 - 15:27 | 2989086 Stockmonger
Stockmonger's picture

This looks like a job for SuperSIV!

Fri, 11/16/2012 - 15:33 | 2989120 Madcow
Madcow's picture

it is a matter of time before the US Marines are dropping sacks of grain and rice on to the streets of Paris - Mogadishu style 

Fri, 11/16/2012 - 15:45 | 2989170 Rogue Trooper
Rogue Trooper's picture

Madcow, that is SO 90's, sacks of FRN's more like it ...... GROWTH bitches!

USA,USA,USSA.... Fuck yeh!

Fri, 11/16/2012 - 16:56 | 2989570 GMadScientist
GMadScientist's picture

Yeah, that'll go over well with the stinky cheese and confit duck crowd.

Fri, 11/16/2012 - 15:39 | 2989140 morning_glory
morning_glory's picture

I'd buy that for a dollar!

 

No I mean it, I'd buy all of Spain for a dollar.

Fri, 11/16/2012 - 15:57 | 2989242 michael_engineer
michael_engineer's picture

Most investors are now savy to the attempts at rolling over bad paper as being a bad investment.

Fri, 11/16/2012 - 16:13 | 2989340 Panafrican Funk...
Panafrican Funktron Robot's picture

Depends on who you can subsequently roll it over to.  

Fri, 11/16/2012 - 16:06 | 2989299 davidsmith
davidsmith's picture

There will be a bid: the Federal Reserve.

Fri, 11/16/2012 - 16:52 | 2989553 GMadScientist
GMadScientist's picture

"No good; I've known too many Spaniards" - Dread Pirate Wesley

Fri, 11/16/2012 - 21:29 | 2990390 Iam_Silverman
Iam_Silverman's picture

No matter what the Spanish Government says, the real tell on the value of the offering would be to see what the CDS coverage costs.  Anyone have a magic mirror that shows this?

Sat, 11/17/2012 - 00:24 | 2990843 Zero Govt
Zero Govt's picture

Thanks ZH, great article, it doesn't get more miserable/hilarious than this in Europe

so the Govt has a 'great idea' putting all the toxic bankers crap together and get the private sector 'in' ...and the Govt gets a bidless Bad Bank 

Why don't the Spaniards do what the US, EU and Britain does, have a bad bank already to go... we call 'em The Fed, ECB and Bank of England 

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