Wednesday Humor: Future Japanese Rulers Promise 3% Nominal Growth

Tyler Durden's picture

No, really. The LDP, as most know by now, will take over at the December 16th elections as the next party in charge of Japan, at least until the early elections 3-6 months later, when power will shift once more, as the great Keynesian basket case experiment proves ungovernable yet again.  But in the meantime, there will be much humor, such as this...

  • LDP RELEASES POLICY PLATFORM IN TOKYO AHEAD OF DEC. 16 ELECTION
  • LDP PLEDGES TO INCREASE DEFENSE SPENDING, MILITARY PERSONNEL
  • LDP CONSIDERS PUTTING OFFICIALS ON ISLANDS DISPUTED WITH CHINA
  • LDP MAY CHANGE CONSTITUTION TO ASSERT RIGHT OF SELF-DEFENSE

Actually, that's just the part about Japan preparing to invade Manchuria again. The same Japan whose exports imploded, and its economy is getting crushed as a result of the ongoing China boycott of all things Japanese.

But fear not: the LDP has an app for that (this is where it gets funny):

  • LDP AIMS TO ACHIEVE PRIMARY BALANCE SURPLUS BY 2020 - this for a country that has not had a primary balance surplus in.... ever?
  • JAPAN LDP TO CUT WELFARE PAYMENTS BY 10 PERCENT - this is for the country with the oldest average population in the world.
  • LDP SAYS CORPORATE TAX RATES MUST BE CUT SIGNIFICANTLY - don't tell France or those other socialist countries
  • LDP CALLS FOR BOJ COOPERATION IN SEEKING DRASTIC EASING - ah yes, the Department of Homeland Printing

And the punchline:

  • JAPAN OPPOSITION LDP PLEDGES AT LEAST 3% NOMINAL GROWTH
  • LDP PLATFORM CALLS FOR SETTING 2% INFLATION TARGET WITH BOJ

Remember: this is the party that plans on making the Bank of Japan a department of government.

We just can't wait for the even more epic humor that will ensue once first Japan's politicians, and soon after, all their financial muppet colleagues around the world, are given full control of the central printer.