Wednesday Humor: Future Japanese Rulers Promise 3% Nominal Growth

Tyler Durden's picture

No, really. The LDP, as most know by now, will take over at the December 16th elections as the next party in charge of Japan, at least until the early elections 3-6 months later, when power will shift once more, as the great Keynesian basket case experiment proves ungovernable yet again.  But in the meantime, there will be much humor, such as this...

  • LDP RELEASES POLICY PLATFORM IN TOKYO AHEAD OF DEC. 16 ELECTION
  • LDP PLEDGES TO INCREASE DEFENSE SPENDING, MILITARY PERSONNEL
  • LDP CONSIDERS PUTTING OFFICIALS ON ISLANDS DISPUTED WITH CHINA
  • LDP MAY CHANGE CONSTITUTION TO ASSERT RIGHT OF SELF-DEFENSE

Actually, that's just the part about Japan preparing to invade Manchuria again. The same Japan whose exports imploded, and its economy is getting crushed as a result of the ongoing China boycott of all things Japanese.

But fear not: the LDP has an app for that (this is where it gets funny):

  • LDP AIMS TO ACHIEVE PRIMARY BALANCE SURPLUS BY 2020 - this for a country that has not had a primary balance surplus in.... ever?
  • JAPAN LDP TO CUT WELFARE PAYMENTS BY 10 PERCENT - this is for the country with the oldest average population in the world.
  • LDP SAYS CORPORATE TAX RATES MUST BE CUT SIGNIFICANTLY - don't tell France or those other socialist countries
  • LDP CALLS FOR BOJ COOPERATION IN SEEKING DRASTIC EASING - ah yes, the Department of Homeland Printing

And the punchline:

  • JAPAN OPPOSITION LDP PLEDGES AT LEAST 3% NOMINAL GROWTH
  • LDP PLATFORM CALLS FOR SETTING 2% INFLATION TARGET WITH BOJ

Remember: this is the party that plans on making the Bank of Japan a department of government.

We just can't wait for the even more epic humor that will ensue once first Japan's politicians, and soon after, all their financial muppet colleagues around the world, are given full control of the central printer.

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RunningMan's picture

As long as they promise.

GetZeeGold's picture

 

 

Just going to raise taxes 10%....it's a pretty sweet deal.

SamAdams's picture

Japan will likely raise much of that income by selling keyboards to ZeroHedge readers who chose a most inopportune moment to sip their coffee....

GetZeeGold's picture

 

 

Who pays for keyboards? I've got the Obama-keyboard.....comes with a picture of Obama. It's a little spooky.....but it works and it's totally free.

TeamDepends's picture

Us too.  But the danged "right click" doesn't work.

DaveyJones's picture

"We promise 3% growth"

sounds like a penis ad

oh wait, it is

old naughty's picture

And they 'promise' nuclear arsenal...

Dr.Awkward's picture

It's a "left click" only product line!

monad's picture

Try light crick. Its a design feature.

Hippocratic Oaf's picture

.....but it works and it's totally free.

 

Yep. And all the keys say 'Ctrl'

Bag Of Meat's picture

And a big red one in the center, "P"

Press both for emergencies 

jimod's picture

So, LDP is running on Romney's platform?

Mongo's picture

When all else fails they will take us to war

slaughterer's picture

Its called "CENTLAL PLINTEL" in Japan.   

zilverreiger's picture

This all sounds dishonourable.

nonclaim's picture

Someone should deliver a tanto vending machine to their front door.

LeisureSmith's picture

Best one i could find. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dnaLRbbc-54

For people wondering about that brave corporate logo.

govttrader's picture

Look at the bright side...if Japan can do it for 20+ years...the US has 15 years to go!!!

http://govttrader.blogspot.com/

donpaulo's picture

this is a complete Joke

Shinzo Abe quit the office of prime minister for health reasons when he had the job previously

Now the LDP trots him out, he makes some lame speech about how he is ready for the challenge and China is doo doo

Voila a renewed leader !

Meanwhile Mr Noda the sitting PM is out there telling the truth which nobody wants to hear

National consumption tax to double to 10% and even that won't "fix" the problem

The actual total needs to be closer to 12%

Its a merry go round of Debt

HOORAY !~

suteibu's picture

Noda telling the truth?  I must have missed his revised policy on Fukushima...you know, the one that protects the population by giving accurate information about the spread of radiation, the condition of Dai-ichi, and stopping the policy of sending radioactive and toxic waste all over Japan to be incinerated.  And what about all the misuse of funds specified for reconstruction of Tohoku.  People are still living in school gyms while money was directed to whaling among other things.

Even you believe his lies.  That 10% increase in taxes won't kick in until the economy shows growth.  Of course, he could lie and say the economy is growing. 

BTW, haven't heard Noda speak out on Japan's extremely low 4.5% unemployment rate either.  Now, he didn't begin that lie, but that doesn't mean he isn't lying about it every month.

Noda is Obama's puppet.  Don't get me started about his push to join Obama's TPP FTA.

This is not to say the Abe is any better.  Second look at Ozawa.

flattrader's picture

One way to reduce unemployment is to have everyone leave.

http://enenews.com/newspaper-japanese-leaving-country-because-radiation-...

Of course with ZPG ,that and the number of upcoming child deaths, will affect GDP.

Just go to enenews and keyword search -- children cysts nodules -- and you'll get the picture of what is going to happen several years.

Zero Govt's picture

Noda telling the truth?

all Japanese PM's are exclusively cherry-picked from the Ministry of Finance... think Iraqi Information Minister for levels of accuracy here!

SheepDog-One's picture

'Growth'? Well theyre gonna fuck everything up for the ZIRP to infinity overlords! This will have to be squashed.

gamera9's picture

I'm turning Japanese, I'm turning Japanese I really think so.

buzzsaw99's picture

LDP PLEDGES TO KEEP TURNING KNOBS AT FUKUSHIMA POWER PLANT #3.

Dr. Engali's picture

Well nothing else is working so we might as well try inflation and empire building again. It's worked so well in the past.

Monedas's picture

North Korea 40B  GDP .... South Korea 1,500B  GDP .... that's funny !

LawsofPhysics's picture

Don't mock these great leaders, they will get even better growth, right after the detonate those other atomic bombs and eliminate half the population.  It worked before.  Only doing what Krugman told them to do...

ptoemmes's picture

Wasn't Kyle Bass also just saying...end game is close upon them/us.

 

War...uh huh...what is it good for?

Monedas's picture

War is just Socialism on CRACK !

Yen Cross's picture

 Japan must be planning on another sunami. Naw, they tried that already. Asteroid impact, sounds about right...

StychoKiller's picture

Is your avatar Godzira with a walker????

BigInJapan's picture

And what of it, whippersnapper? Everybody is old in Japan.

OneTinSoldier66's picture

"Department of Homeland Printing"

 

It's good to know that we have at least one Government agency that can never run a deficit.

 

Or is this the department that ensures that no Government agency or TBTF Bank ever runs a deficit?

 

I'm so confused.

Totentänzerlied's picture

LDP MAY CHANGE CONSTITUTION TO ASSERT RIGHT OF SELF-DEFENSE

Ah, the right of "self"-defense ... of the nation as a collective, abstract whole. You almost had me there for a second, thinking Japan had reversed course after ... it's entire recorded history ... and decided to do away with its frankly embarassing weapons control laws, in order to allow people to defend themselves!

WHY YOU NEED WEAPON DEFEND YOUSERF? YOU RACK DISCIPRINE! 2ND AMENDMENT? SHAMEFUR!

fuu's picture

Still no plan for Fukushima though right? Good luck Japan.

Things that go bump's picture

Yah, it sounds like they're planning on moving  

Matt's picture

So much for moving into ready-made empty cities in China ...

bank guy in Brussels's picture

Re the Japanese opposition pledge for '3% nominal growth' the key word there is 'nominal' ...

It being understood this is not 'real' growth ... but money-supply managed artificial growth that is higher than the inflation rate, as the specific core of central bank policy ...

We should all give a cheer that Japan will try this economic experiment for us all

This is absolutely classic 'Monetarism' (not to be confused with the word used as an epithet for American 'screw the workers' policies)

This comes from the side of Milton Friedman that, instead of supporting the CIA in Chile etc., was advocating a 'negative income tax' simple transfer payment to Americans

There are not really many of the old classic monetarists left, but their small group is adamant in articulating a view that the money supply really needs to be watched amid this global credit contraction

Of course there is much disagreement about how to categorise that money supply (M3 or whatever) ...

But they say with nominal GDP ahead of inflation, is the core of the ticket out of economic hell

And this is why the monetarists say the euro always was doomed, as Friedman predicted ... in Europe the Mediterranean countries cannot massage their own money supply upwards, they have brutally high interest and shrinking money supply, hence the crisis and collapse till the euro-zone splits

It's an alternative to Richard Koo and his insistence that fiscal stimulus is the only effective way forward in a balance-sheet recession

We all look forward to seeing how it works out, and we should encourage Japan that if they are going to try it, don't do it half way, do it all the way

Monedas's picture

Yen Cross ?  Is that a Crockett Pocket Almanac in your pocket .... or are you just happy to see me ?

oddjob's picture

Any charts for Matsumura Fishworks or Tamaribuchi Heavy Manufacturing?

IridiumRebel's picture

Mista-doh Spa-kudo!

williambanzai7's picture

You forgot to mention they are changing the party name: LSD

Getting Old Sucks's picture

Surplus by 2020?  LOL.  Japan will be a deserted nuclear wasteland by then.  Exports imploding?  Who wants shit that glows in the dark?  Is the whole fucking world asleep? 

TrumpXVI's picture

Wuaaaa, must reassert right to self defense!

Reclaim Manchukuo.

Reestablish Greater East Asian Co-Prosperity Sphere.

Maybe Dept.731!

BeetleBailey's picture

BUY THE FUCKING YEN!

 

(no really....I'm long the JPY...mebbe several trades piled in will help....)....<major sarc>

 

Fuckin rice-eaters....