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Credit Suisse Deploys Motivational Secret Weapon: Announces Another 120 Unnamed Layoffs Coming

Tyler Durden's picture





 

It appears that unlike UBS, which enjoys transacting in bulk, and announcing the firing of thousands of bankers en masse concurrent with the flurry of pink slips, its more nimble (but just as LIBOR-troubled) Swiss colleague, Credit Suisse, prefers transacting in the pink slip shadows. Specifically, instead of opting for large-font headlines, Credit Suisse prefers to keep its workers on their toes, and yesterday once again warned 120 unidentified employees in its 1/11 Madison Avenue NY headquarters are about to be laid off via the DOL's WARN website. This is only the fourth time in the past year CS has opted for this stealthy method of motivation, laying off 268 in November 2011, December 2011, October 2012 and now this. Why motivation? Because by keeping the list of unlucky souls who will start getting pink slips as soon as December 30, it is motivating everyone to work far harder and preserve the hope that the bell tolls not for them. Indeed: a truly brilliant employee motivational mechanism.

From WARN

Date of Notice: 12/10/2012 

 

Control Number: 2012-0120

 

Rapid Response Specialist:  Edwidge Michel

 

Reason Stated for Filing:   Plant Layoff

 

Company:

 

Credit Suisse Securities (USA) LLC
One Madison Avenue and Eleven Madison Avenue (one site)
New York, NY  10010

 

County:  New York | WIB Name: NEW YORK CITY| Region: New York City

 

Contact: Ketty K. Russeva, Managing Director, Human Resources

 

Phone:  (212) 538-8263

 

Business Type:   Financial Institution

 

Number Affected:  120

 

Total Employees:  -----     

 

Layoff Date:  Will occur between 12/30/2012 and 3/4/2013  

 

Closing Date:  -----  

 

Reason for Dislocation:  Economic

 

ERNUM: 05-81657   

 

Union:  No bumping rights exist.    

 

Classification:   Plant Layoff

 


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Tue, 12/11/2012 - 09:00 | Link to Comment LawsofPhysics
LawsofPhysics's picture

Remind me, what technology or real product of value does Credit Suisse innovate, manufacture, mine, or produce again?

Fuck the motherfucking paper pushers.   Give these guys a shovel and send them to the stables, they will be more productive and they won't be making financial weapons of mass destruction - "win-win"

Tue, 12/11/2012 - 09:07 | Link to Comment JPM Hater001
JPM Hater001's picture

"Remind me, what technology or real product of value does Credit Suisse innovate, manufacture, mine, or produce again?"

They excel at fleecing.

It has value to them anyway.

Tue, 12/11/2012 - 09:08 | Link to Comment GetZeeGold
GetZeeGold's picture

 

 

Got our best man on the job.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wcW_Ygs6hm0

Tue, 12/11/2012 - 09:50 | Link to Comment buckethead
buckethead's picture

I have never seen Dr Strangelove... I guess I have an assignment.

Tue, 12/11/2012 - 10:24 | Link to Comment GetZeeGold
GetZeeGold's picture

 

 

If nothing else....it will teach you how to pack a survival kit....or plan for a weekend in Vegas.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AoyVVz_w1kE&playnext=1&list=PLD583BCB4DAA087D8

 

Tue, 12/11/2012 - 09:15 | Link to Comment zorba THE GREEK
zorba THE GREEK's picture

The beatings will continue moral improves.

Tue, 12/11/2012 - 09:48 | Link to Comment buckethead
buckethead's picture

Had to be quick on that one...:)

 

 

oops... smilies not ok at ZH

Tue, 12/11/2012 - 10:25 | Link to Comment toady
toady's picture

Back when at&t was laying my friends and I off we modified that one;

The layoffs will continue until moral improves.

Tue, 12/11/2012 - 11:29 | Link to Comment tekhneek
tekhneek's picture

"Great job everyone. You're all fired."

Tue, 12/11/2012 - 09:03 | Link to Comment francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

I wonder when Obama is going to start using this motivational methods when compiling his drone KILL list...

Tue, 12/11/2012 - 10:01 | Link to Comment pods
pods's picture

From what I heard from the louts on the radio this morning, our drones will soon be outfitted with freakin lasers.

Warms the heart, and all my other internal organs as my skin melts off.

That is the new freedom we will be smelling, dissent.

pods

Tue, 12/11/2012 - 09:05 | Link to Comment stocktivity
stocktivity's picture

Who is in charge of the Christmas party this year at their office and when do they draw names for presents?

Tue, 12/11/2012 - 09:28 | Link to Comment DV8
DV8's picture

Stocktivity,

The party is tomorrow and everyone gotta pay $20 to get in. So paying money to get fired? Ouch.

Tue, 12/11/2012 - 11:53 | Link to Comment markar
markar's picture

You'll get a heads up you're out the door if you're not on the grab bag list.

Tue, 12/11/2012 - 09:05 | Link to Comment timbo_em
timbo_em's picture

This reminds me a bit of how discipline was restored by decimation in the military of Ancient Rome.

Happy New Year to those 120 banksters!

Tue, 12/11/2012 - 09:54 | Link to Comment mick_richfield
mick_richfield's picture

I was thinking the same thing!

This legion of accountants, having dishonored itself in battle, will be decimated.

They stand at attention in their ranks.  The Tribune draws names at random from his ceremonial briefcase, choosing one in every ten.  As the names are shouted aloud by the Centurions, the accountants standing next to the doomed men turn upon those who had so recently been their friends and peers, and beat them to death with massive ledger books.

 

Tue, 12/11/2012 - 09:09 | Link to Comment ziggy59
ziggy59's picture

Its the suspense that gets ya!

Tue, 12/11/2012 - 09:14 | Link to Comment negative rates
negative rates's picture

Even the calendar runs out of time before these cronies.

Tue, 12/11/2012 - 09:22 | Link to Comment unrulian
unrulian's picture

coming soon to an employer near you

Tue, 12/11/2012 - 09:22 | Link to Comment IridiumRebel
IridiumRebel's picture

PRODUCE MORE THEFT OR GET OUT.

Tue, 12/11/2012 - 09:37 | Link to Comment DV8
DV8's picture

I am surprised they only announced 120. Due to their organization structure, even if there is no recession/depression, the count would have been > 1k. It is mandatory for a manager to throw at least 1 individual under the bus.

It has been quiet in pretty much all of the CS departments.

Tue, 12/11/2012 - 09:56 | Link to Comment NuYawkFrankie
NuYawkFrankie's picture

Heads will (Swiss) Roll...

Tue, 12/11/2012 - 09:55 | Link to Comment mrktwtch2
mrktwtch2's picture

that is why you have to try and save money and live within your means..(i know its un american).but everyone is dispensable..(unless you own your own buisness)...

Tue, 12/11/2012 - 10:27 | Link to Comment drivenZ
drivenZ's picture

they have 50K employee's....who cares?

Tue, 12/11/2012 - 10:30 | Link to Comment j0nx
j0nx's picture

Another 120 tellers get the axe...

Tue, 12/11/2012 - 11:30 | Link to Comment Richard Head
Richard Head's picture

CS ain't that kind of bank.

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 11:24 | Link to Comment j0nx
j0nx's picture

Thanks for that... It was a metaphor for I'm sure the only people who will be getting the axe are low level worker bees.

Tue, 12/11/2012 - 13:01 | Link to Comment Crabshacker
Crabshacker's picture

I.R.S needs 5000 new thieves

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