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Mayan Apocalypse Technical Analysis

Tyler Durden's picture


If the Mayans are correct, the world has just over a week before it goes poof. But, the hard-core chartists will say, is there any technical analysis suggestion they may be right? Let's take a look: the chart below shows all the 450 MunichRe-documented natural disasters that have taken place in the first half of the year, running at at annualized pace of a near record-setting 900 in 2012 alone. Is this enough to set off the most terminal selling event in the history of the world in 8 short days? You decide.


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Thu, 12/13/2012 - 10:08 | 3058970 doomandbloom
doomandbloom's picture

Remain Calm.

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 10:10 | 3058978 GetZeeGold
GetZeeGold's picture



All is well.....all is well.

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 10:26 | 3059047 French Frog
French Frog's picture

I think that the Mayans' "end-of-the-world" theory was sneakily given huge exposure by theBernank to lure the bears into yet another false sense of security that "surely this time we just can't have another Santa-Claus rally".

And yet we had it again in 2012. Someone once said "wash rince & repeat..."

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 10:49 | 3059144 Dalago
Dalago's picture

This Earth stuff is interesting, no doubt.  But we should really be looking at the SUN'S ACTIVITY!!!!

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 11:05 | 3059240 john39
john39's picture

most have badly misinterpreted what the Mayans predicted.  They were master astronomers, with a deep understanding of long term movements in galaxy...   they predicted a period of great upheaval...  this vid  does a good job of summarizing the electromagnetic changes occuring in the solor system in recent years, most likely what the Mayans had predicted:

with one other twist...  a recently uncovered monument also suggested something of a supernatural twist....  regarding the possibility of a god, or competing "gods" being reborn around December 21, 2012

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 11:17 | 3059300 dark pools of soros
dark pools of soros's picture

Will these gods have their own immortality show?

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 12:13 | 3059599 old naughty
old naughty's picture

If they have, it would just be like you and/or me; since we are 'created' equal.

But then, didn't they do human sacrifices, cut their throats and then kicked their bodies down the steps?


Thu, 12/13/2012 - 12:21 | 3059661 notbot
notbot's picture

I think a good prank on 12/21/12 would be if Gene Munster downgraded AAPL to "Sell"

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 13:14 | 3059902 Spirit Of Truth
Spirit Of Truth's picture

I certainly hope and pray the Mayans were wrong, but I will say, as I've been recently been vlogging about, the long-term Elliott Wave pattern and crisis in Syria are conducive to an apocalyptic war in the immediate future.

Here are my reports:

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 11:27 | 3059358 TuPhat
TuPhat's picture

If I remember what I have read about that calendar, the calendar ends.  It has no predictions on it at all.  Our calendars are printed so it's easy to keep making another one.  Not so easy to chisel stone.  If Bernank had to chisel money out of stone there would be much less of it and the world wouldn't end if he stopped chiseling.

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 11:39 | 3059415 LFMayor
LFMayor's picture

most have misinterpreted...

Naturally, you decoded it correctly, right?  Or your you tube link explains the truth?

And I leave you with this, the last "god" named Cortez that they managed to not predict kicked their whole fucking civilization in the ass and that's why we have archaeologists interpreting this shit graphetti of theirs, instead of their ambassador to the UN doing it live.

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 12:05 | 3059551 boogerbently
boogerbently's picture

The "end of the world" is the "end of the world" !

What good is sitting on a lot of money? However,

If it ISN'T the END OF THE WORLD, your investment strategy should reflect THAT.

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 12:36 | 3059748 Matt
Matt's picture

So much inaccuracy there. The Mayan civilization collapsed (90% population loss) between 900 and 1200 AD, i.e. 300+ years before Cortez. That is when they lost the educated class of elites (i.e. they "hung the bankers" and went back to anarcho-primitivism).

The Mexico City Aztecs were having a ritualistic holocaust of the surrounding city-states. Since A) Cortez fulfilled the prophecy of the return of a god by coincidentally arriving at the exact right date and b) the people were sick of being enslaved to people that enjoyed ritualistic human sacrifice of other people's children, they joined Cortez in toppling the empire.

As far as I know, the Mayan Elders that are alive today have their knowledge passed down via aural tradition, i.e. they have been playing "telephone" for the last 800 years. The Mayan writings were deciphered by a Russian Soldier who saved a copy of a rare book containing their writings from a burning library in Berlin during the Soviet advance. 

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 13:26 | 3059948 vato poco
vato poco's picture

My only problem with the "Mayans were master astronomers, with a deep understanding of long-term movements in the galaxy (!)" theory - and it's a really cool theory, much better than the tired old 'Rothschilds control the entire world' jive - the 'master astronomer/deep understanding' theory would by definition mean the Mayans weren't just regular ordinary guys. No, to rack up that kind of knowledge and insight, they'd have had to be a race of Will Huntings: Super-Geniuses of the Jungle.

Yet they still somehow managed to fail to "predict" the drought/war/peasanr uprising/whatever the hell it was that destroyed their civilization.

It's the same problem the "UFO crashed at Roswell!" crew have to contend with. On the one hand, you're telling us they're highly-intelligent beings capable of interstellar travel - which means faster-than-light speed - who have tractor beams, and thought rays, and anal probes that we can only *dream* of. OTOH, the story is once they got here, they......had a flat tire? Blew a radiator hose? Hit a bad pothole and crashed?? Srsly? 

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 13:40 | 3059996 flattrader
flattrader's picture

>>>the 'master astronomer/deep understanding' theory would by definition mean the Mayans weren't just regular ordinary guys. No, to rack up that kind of knowledge and insight, they'd have had to be a race of Will Huntings: Super-Geniuses of the Jungle.<<<

Naw, I don't think so.  They had lots of time on their hands.  The night sky was the best show in town and vastly clearer and deeper than what we can see now.

They had good powers of observation and not much else on which to focus.

>>>Yet they still somehow managed to fail to "predict" the drought/war/peasanr uprising/whatever the hell it was that destroyed their civilization.<<<

Observing and predicting stellar movements is one thing...predicting drought is quite another.

Our own modern day "weathermen" get it wrong and they have sophisticated equipment.

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 13:46 | 3060014 Flakmeister
Flakmeister's picture

Its amazing how people


1) under estimate human ingenuity and intelligence;

while simultaneously

2) Ascribe "super natural" abilities to people with skills that are beyond their grasp... 

It has be some variation of the D-K effect;

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 14:01 | 3060071 Matt
Matt's picture

Imagine if 20% of GDP and 5% of our population was dedicated to astronomy. For several hundred years. 

If you want to get into the more fringe ideas, there is evidence (some actual skulls, will have to look for sources) that show that mesoamerican elites understood that the human brain was the key, and that having your skull fuse together is what limits your intelligence. Solution? strap boards onto babies' heads to make their brains grow longer, prevent fusing, so the brain can become larger. They could have been manufacturing a whole sub-class of Stephen Hawkings.

Predicting a massive drought, and coming up with an actionable solution, are two different things. Same with population control. You can dish out as much propaganda as you want, but when it comes down to it, having a minority 5% of the population be able to go door to door and sterilize people or abort their babies is much harder than it seems on paper.

Back to the fringe, there is some suggestion that they did exactly that; the Mayan Elites may have predicted the drought and famine, and bugged out to Peru. The Incans may have been the descendants of the Mayan Elites, and took their knowledge with them, leaving the poor uneducated masses behind to fend for themselves.

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 13:52 | 3060043 Flakmeister
Flakmeister's picture

Hey FT,

Great story re: the Russian. He certainly contributed but he did not decode it.... A 13-yo kid whose parents were archeologists was instrumental in the final decoding...

Check out the PBS/Nova on Cracking the Mayan Code...  

Fri, 12/14/2012 - 02:21 | 3061992 dark pools of soros
dark pools of soros's picture

I caught that on Netflix (bullish plug). And that chick was the real driving force to start it all

Fri, 12/14/2012 - 21:05 | 3065253 Flakmeister
Flakmeister's picture

IIRC, the kid went on to win a MacArthur....

Fri, 12/14/2012 - 03:30 | 3062026 Ar-Pharazôn
Ar-Pharazôn's picture

unicorn gods shitting skittles

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 12:15 | 3059625 boogerbently
boogerbently's picture

This map would imply a relative "safety zone" above Lat 50 degrees N.

Why would Canada, Russia and Greenland be immune from these events?

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 12:47 | 3059799 Gadocat99
Gadocat99's picture

They are exempt because they have to deal with this:



Thu, 12/13/2012 - 10:16 | 3059004 ShorTed
ShorTed's picture

Has anyone noticed a wave of IRA or 401k liquidations for end-of-the-world conspicuous consumption?

Perhaps for some PM purchases...otherwise nothing to see here.

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 10:16 | 3059012 fonzannoon
fonzannoon's picture

No, I have not noticed that. Please point us to where you are noticing that.

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 10:27 | 3059054 smlbizman
smlbizman's picture

fonz, could part of it be showing up on ebay, were bids are plentiful and the 40.00 oz is very consistent?...


and if i may add a newcomer to the fuck you list...this would be another glorified welfare queen....elan musk....

give me unlimited money with no regard of paying it back and i too could invent something the world will never use....

so without further ado.....fuck you elan musk...

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 10:33 | 3059081 ShorTed
ShorTed's picture

Sorry, forgot the:   /sarc

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 10:56 | 3059194 smlbizman
smlbizman's picture

shorted, i am hoping iras and such are being cashed in or out..(and ever since i liquidated and payed the penalties i sleep better) if so, i would think pm purchases will be a part of this for some...i ignored the end of the world your comment was at best..."new and improved with 40% less sarc"...


and if anyone is considering this move and yes it takes some time to consider, will never regret it...i also think if you dont do it this year '12 you will have regrets....take a portion and see how that feels...than come back for the rest....

how about up votes for cashing out

down votes for staying in the current retirement system

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 13:53 | 3059413 Lin S
Lin S's picture

After being so advised by some of the sages here on ZH, I cashed out 32% of my IRA and converted 1/2 to PMs and paid off my HELOC with the other 1/2.  I do feel good about it.

About the remaining 68% of my IRA, I am not sure what to do.  I didn't want to put everything into PMs and have all of the proverbial eggs in one basket, but I couldn't just leave the IRA remain as it was for the same reason (plus the Cliff, new taxes, Obummer, etc.).

I'm leery of cashing any more out than the 32% I've taken already, as the IRA was inherited and I can't add anything back to it.  Then again, I could always start a new one, too, and hold some more cash back.

December is passing, and my time is running out.  What should I do?

Thanks for any advice...




Thu, 12/13/2012 - 17:49 | 3060957 smlbizman
smlbizman's picture

lin s, they have taken the menu of  choices (by design) away from the regular a person that has never minded a risk/reward atmosphere, i currently own. (own meaning no debt, but the state will always have their hand in my real estate pocket) rental property, residential property and pms.  at this time.  looking down the road i dont feel anywhere secure in owning real estate our  baltimore county exec. has decided to borrow money from the usual, to fix the pension fund (that should work) and selling prime properties to put a/c in schools....between the gauranteed further decline in pricing along with real estate taxes,  were they will come looking to fix their problems, no thanks....we are currently making plans to sell our residential property converting most of the proceeds to more pms and cash....than moving to the most accommidating state than rent. ....i take no pleasure in this, but it must be i guess my advice is obvious...take the last 68% and put it under your control with pms....than when and if this storm passes and the game becomes more legitimate, you can re-adjust your thinking to match the financial enviroment.....good luck 

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 12:19 | 3059653 grid-b-gone
grid-b-gone's picture

MF Global was the tipping point for me, the shot over the bow that personal accounts may no longer be subject to the rule of law.

I liquidated some accounts and paid off debt to the point that my total debt is now only 4% of net worth.

I hold title to my house and vehicles. I'm especially glad to be rid of non-dischargeable student loans.

The next step is building up PM and cash reserves to be able to maintain everything for an extended period of time.

Remember, new rules were put in place after the 2008 meltdown that limits account holders' rights to access money. These comments above are just a prudent response to the shift in power from individuals to financial institutions.

I still have a good chunk of assets in accounts. Let's not get too crazy and swing the pendulum too far the other way. Just be cautious, prepared, and conservative in response to the risk, leverage, and recklessness we see today at the institutional level.

Fiduciary responsibility has been driven down to the individual. Act accordingly.

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 10:15 | 3059005 CPL
CPL's picture

For those that wish to see if your piece of the world is falling into the ocean.


Google earth plugin required and you can track it all live.

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 10:27 | 3059052 unrulian
unrulian's picture

 Followed by millions of dumbfounded dipshits.

Some say the end is near.

Some say we'll see armageddon soon.

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 10:29 | 3059065 GMadScientist
GMadScientist's picture

I certainly hope we will...


Thu, 12/13/2012 - 10:33 | 3059076 Aziz
Aziz's picture

I could sure use a vacation from this bullshit three ring circus sideshow...

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 10:58 | 3059199 monkeyboy
Thu, 12/13/2012 - 11:15 | 3059295 SelfGov
SelfGov's picture

Arizona Bay may become a reality...

The New Madrid is waking up...



Thu, 12/13/2012 - 10:30 | 3059066 CPL
CPL's picture

Change is a constant, it's the scale of change that concerns people.


If it happens, there was nothing to be done about it.

If nothing happens, then we'll have to listen to the news talk about it.


Meh, side show distraction.

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 12:02 | 3059540 Diogenes
Diogenes's picture

" Followed by millions of dumbfounded dipshits.

Some say the end is near.

Some say we'll see armageddon soon."

Armageddon addahere

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 15:52 | 3060536 nofluer
nofluer's picture

The last time I saw the end being near she turned around and slapped me!

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 10:40 | 3059120 insanelysane
insanelysane's picture

The Mayans didn't have cans so they never understood the concept of kicking the can.

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 11:58 | 3059526 LFMayor
LFMayor's picture

they used human heads instead.

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 12:52 | 3059820 Matt
Matt's picture

They didn't have a fiat crisis, they had a prolonged severe drought crisis. It is much harder to create fresh water from nothing (or even from salt water), then to issue bonds and print money.

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 11:25 | 3059344 TruthHunter
TruthHunter's picture

":Remain Calm."?

yes and no  The world can't end because no one is ready for the Judgment Day.

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 10:08 | 3058972 Dr. Richard Head
Dr. Richard Head's picture

I will be in Oahu praying for tidal waves and wanting to see the ground give way.  I wanna watch it all go down.  Mom please flush it all away.

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 10:13 | 3058996 Eddy Vluggen
Eddy Vluggen's picture

What has the world done to you that you want to punish it that severely?

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 10:24 | 3059044 The Master
The Master's picture

Sounds like a case of Bernankitis

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 10:30 | 3059069 GMadScientist
GMadScientist's picture

How would ridding her of these stupid accident-prone, self-absorbed monkeybots be a punishment?

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 10:41 | 3059124 tetsujin
tetsujin's picture

Tha rotten sore on tha face of mother earth gets bigger / Tha triggers cold empty ya purse

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 10:59 | 3059202 BlueCollaredOne
BlueCollaredOne's picture

Such a good song that for some reason isnt in my library.  Thanks for the reminder.

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 11:00 | 3059212 new game
new game's picture

+1 as the mutha of all mothers says "enuf"

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 12:13 | 3059605 RallyRoundTheFamily
RallyRoundTheFamily's picture

Great song.

"while arms warehouses fill as quick as the cells, rally round the family, pockets full of shells"


Thu, 12/13/2012 - 11:10 | 3059260 Dr. Richard Head
Dr. Richard Head's picture

Don't just call me pessimist. Try and read between the lines. I can't imagine why you wouldn't Welcome any change, my friend. I wanna see it all come down. suck it down. flush it down.

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 11:24 | 3059334 SelfGov
SelfGov's picture

Sermon from Brother Maynard

Sour Grapes - Puscifer

And the angel of the lord led me

Into the belly of the holy mother

A chamber black as pitch

But I felt no fear, only comfort,


For I was as a child in the womb

And she begged me

"Peer through yonder portal

Which looked upon the heavens,

And behold! a morning angel"




She ascended slowly from far beyond the horizon,

Her light like a heavenly finger pointing the way

And on yonder wall she traced for me a path

Which led me five directions, eight winters to east,




And behold!

As my feet landed firmly

Upon the vital winter of the second score

There appeared before me a heavenly star




A holy virgin, the bringer of life and breath

And she spoke unto me saying

"Fear not the movement of the heavens above or the earth below

For change is what we are, my child.




Righteous are those

Who look up and sway with the wind,

Who look down and dance with the shifting of the soil,

Who swim with the movement of the tides




Who seek the truth around them

And discover that we are

And have always been in paradise.

The reflections of heaven on earth. Amen!'




And she spoke again saying

"Know, my child,

That there is no devil seeking

To corrupt the hearts of men.




No evil, save blind faith, ignorance,

And the desire for the unprepared

To blame others for the devastation

Left in the wake of change




Change, my child

Change is in the heavens

Change is on this earth

Change is all around us




And we ARE reflections of the divine

We must roll with these changes,

For we are these changes.




Eyes wide open,

We must look upon

The heavens as a mirror.

Wide awake, aware, deeply breathing




And when the shit comes down, my child,

You will be there,

A true and holy survivor

To inherit the kingdom of god.




You will rise above the grumbles of the unprepared

To greet the new day,

To drink from the sweet fruit of the vine,

The water of life, the blood of the risen Christ, my child.'


[Je-ho-vah! Yah-weh!]


'Go now, son,

Tell them all.

The ignorant, the blinded by dogma,

Blinded by faith, the doubters, the nay sayers.


[Je-ho-vah! Yah-weh!]


Tell them all, child,

They can not see

The kingdom of God,

They can not see paradise

Unfold before them


[Je-ho-vah! Yah-weh!]


They can not drink

From the chalice

Which holds the blood of Christ,

The water of life,

Until they get right with Jesus.


[Je-ho-vah! Yah-weh!]


Until they get right with Jesus.

It's always gonna be

Sour grapes with you, boy,

Until you get right with Jesus. Amen!


[Je-ho-vah! Yah-weh!]


Thu, 12/13/2012 - 11:34 | 3059381 Dr. Richard Head
Dr. Richard Head's picture

The build up of that tune is simply amazing.

Fri, 12/14/2012 - 02:49 | 3062004 monkeyboy
monkeyboy's picture

Off to see these crazy bastards in 2013...that's if we are all still here on this amazing Pale Blue Dot come Feb next year.


Thu, 12/13/2012 - 10:10 | 3058979 youngman
youngman's picture

Should be good for casket NASA having any last minute launches....????

I think the Mayans were off a few years....they are extinct.....

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 10:31 | 3059073 kralizec
kralizec's picture

Yes, they are extinct, killed themselves off...I do not think the genital mutlilators had any special insight...

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 10:35 | 3059094 Chief KnocAHoma
Chief KnocAHoma's picture

Exactly... if they were so freaking smart.... where are they? 

This is Y2K on steroids... but just in case, I'm gonna wait to pay my credit card bill until January.

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 10:39 | 3059110 kralizec
kralizec's picture


Thu, 12/13/2012 - 10:44 | 3059139 youngman
youngman's picture

and I didn´t have to pay $10,000 to upgrade my computer and software...this is a cheap Apocalypse

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 10:51 | 3059164 GMadScientist
GMadScientist's picture

In the Yucatan, ignorant.

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 11:06 | 3059246 CPL
CPL's picture

They were destroyed with the usual things.


Lies, rape, murder, disease.

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 11:06 | 3059248 Cursive
Cursive's picture

@Chief KnocAHoma

Trust me, nothing will exceed Y2K for overpublicity.

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 11:36 | 3059392 CPL
CPL's picture

It was a hell of a party.

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 10:44 | 3059137 BurningFuld
BurningFuld's picture

Mayans = not extinct  Quote from real Mayan elder regarding Dec 21st:  Carlos tells us: "The economy now is a fiction. The first five-year stretch of transition from August 1987 to August 1992 was the beginning of the destruction of the material world. We have progressed ten years deeper into the transition phase by now, and many of the so-called sources of financial stability are in fact hollow. The banks are weak. This is a delicate moment for them. They could crash globally, if we don't pay attention. Now, people are paying attention."

They are even paying attention.

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 11:49 | 3059476 flattrader
flattrader's picture

Dman those Mayans past and present.

The numerous TEOTWAWKI parties are interfering with Festivus Celebrations.

I don't know which parties to go to.

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 13:13 | 3059903 koncaswatch
koncaswatch's picture

Sorry guys: not extinct, I'm married to one. Guatemala, Belize, Honduras, Yucatan.

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 10:10 | 3058983 fonzannoon
fonzannoon's picture

The Mayans did not have a Bernak. He would have printed more Mayans.

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 10:17 | 3059016 francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

I'm thinking that the Mayans actually did have a Bernank... Otherwise ~ How can you explain the mysterious disappearance of a great society?...

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 10:33 | 3059084 Sambo
Sambo's picture


Thu, 12/13/2012 - 11:08 | 3059255 Flakmeister
Flakmeister's picture

The preponderance of evidence points to extended drought brought about by the minor hiccup of the MWP.... There is also evidence that they overshot the local carrying capacity...

No Central Banker needed....

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 12:00 | 3059534 Withdrawn Sanction
Withdrawn Sanction's picture

Throwing the remains of their human sacrifices into their principal fresh water supply probably didn't help matters.

We still have human sacrifices today...where do those remains go?

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 13:03 | 3059863 Matt
Matt's picture

If fresh bodies were thrown into cisterns, my bet is that it was the common people killing the Elites (in their case, the priests). Probably because the common people were the first ones to suffer in a famine, while the priests had all the food and water they could want.

That, and the common people were illiterate and uneducated. They would have less understanding of disease.

You may say the elites deserved it, but if the common people didn't breed exponentially, they wouldn't have been so overpopulated.

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 11:16 | 3059303 viahj
viahj's picture

drought, pestilence and warfare.  pretty much the same things we're facing today, except we have a global fiat ponzi on top of all of that.

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 12:22 | 3059670 RallyRoundTheFamily
RallyRoundTheFamily's picture

They were Libya-erated.

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 10:11 | 3058985 Dr. Richard Head
Dr. Richard Head's picture

Looks like Iceland is a great place to move to for more reasons than one.

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 10:19 | 3059024 CPL
CPL's picture

Yes, like the unstable fault line and the lack of an evacuation plan to save 30000 people.

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 10:32 | 3059074 Antifaschistische
Antifaschistische's picture

Iceland, Brazil, Greenland or Libya....those are the safe places.  LOL  (freeze, overpopulation, brotherhood)  

I say, bring on the earthquake.

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 10:11 | 3058989 Pants McPants
Pants McPants's picture

Bring it on, why not?  I'm bored.


Thu, 12/13/2012 - 10:12 | 3058990 GoldbugVariation
GoldbugVariation's picture

Almost zero catastrophes in Russia and Brazil - I wonder what their secret is?

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 10:16 | 3059013 Manolo
Manolo's picture

LOL, good information control ?

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 10:22 | 3059034 CPL
CPL's picture



Enjoy your soylent Green.  90% crop failures in both countries and a ban on exports.  Plus massive herd culling because there isn't enough food to feed the cattle, swine and poultry.


Thu, 12/13/2012 - 10:47 | 3059149 Chief KnocAHoma
Chief KnocAHoma's picture

How in the hell can countries in middle and south Africa require food imports? That is fertile land with water...


Thu, 12/13/2012 - 11:00 | 3059206 CPL
CPL's picture

Soil has to be cured and trained.  Takes about a decade (if things go well) to get a field running regardless of fertilizers, chemical additives, fencing/wind proofing.  There is rock, clay patches, sand.  The soil isn't homogeneous, it has to be mixed and the chemical reaction takes many winters to allow the soil to achieve the right PH balance and aeration.  Then there is water, and it has to come at the right times.  Comes at the wrong time, mould settles in and destroys the crops.  

That btw is what is happening everywhere.  Seasons are really fucked up.  Otherwise the land is fertile, but it has not been prepped and needs treatment first.


What the true cause of the "lack" of land is subburbs where farming used to be.  They traded food security for pretty McMansions and didn't replace the land they built on.


This year btw is the first year in the entire history of the USA and Canada that food will have to be imported.  With everyone in the same boat.  Well, 7.2 billion people and 10% of the gross yeild is the only thing available.


Go long 50 year storage on MRE's until we figure out what grows where again.

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 11:06 | 3059250 new game
new game's picture

trending to demise of a civilaztion that was deemed great...

the planners ate each other(in the end)!

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 11:11 | 3059266 Chief KnocAHoma
Chief KnocAHoma's picture

Um... not true. I do business with many farmers that are doing very well, and the US will be a net exporter again, as it is every year.

I also do business with a company that managed farms in Africa, until the governeny threw them out to allow locals to do the work. This was over a decade ago, and they were operating in some of those countries that are now importing. Not sure if they were importing prior to the government change, but I doubt it very much.

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 11:47 | 3059460 CPL
CPL's picture

Agreed, In insurance payouts we are doing fine.  It's the near complete crop failure in both north and south hemispheres.


With the secondary bread baskets that backup the food system in all countries being "offline" due to bad weather just like the northern counterpart.  


And I hope you are right that the export levels come back.  But right now, not being able to feed your own country is a bad place to be with a weak dollar.  Amplifies direct consumer costs if your are running a trade deficit.  Usually a good start to Argentinean type of hyperinflation.


Not to mention that exported food is going to a destination that acts as the manufacturing for 85% of all goods.  Shirts, pants, socks, toilet paper, paper, staples, paper clips, etc.  Kind of hard to keep it running if your labour starves to death.  And that's if expecting people are going to take it lying down and not burn it all down before hand.

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 11:32 | 3059369 petolo
petolo's picture

With genetically modified seeds from Monsanto ? Those lunatic-fringe seed savers may save the day. Precious Metals and Precious Seeds are our salvation. In fact all the seeds--intellectual,spirutual and the knowledge and wisdom --long larent must rise again . on a day like today we meed some hope despite the impending darkness. Zero Hedg re s will survive .

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 12:49 | 3059789 CPL
CPL's picture

If you ever take a drive in the countryside in every ditch, patch of brush and uncut pasture you will always find the source seeds for barley, wheat, corn, onions, rye.  These are wild plants, you can harvest them with little more than your hand and a sack to hold it in.

Most people though could identify a dandilion, maybe a fiddlehead, and little else if told to point out edible plants in a ditch and how to process it.  

One thing I'm very fond of but it's season is too short is bullrush bread and it doesn't keep long.  It's hard to describe as anything but satisfying and filling.  Flour is ground from the cat-tail/bullrush tubers; sliced and dried then pounded to flour, mix with wild rye flour.  Like potatoe bread but richer.  My mum-in-law makes it for me because I keep her in laptops to break and grandkids.

If you are ever in the Ottawa Valley in Irioquois you'll find it fresh at the bakery in town (when available) and up the way in Lanark and Renfrew Townships the Scottish bakers make special scones in season as well if they can get the flour.  Bring money, they are pricy.

There are lots of options to avoid GMO monster food, but most people's palettes are adjusted for processed fats, carbohydrates and sugar.  Combined with a lack of knowledge on what food is and how to make it.  What other options have they been given?

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 14:11 | 3060091 flattrader
flattrader's picture

>>>If you ever take a drive in the countryside in every ditch, patch of brush and uncut pasture you will always find the source seeds for barley, wheat, corn, onions, rye.<<<

Not necessarily true.

Volkswagen built a factory on top of the plateau area outside of Mexico City which was the geographic "home" of the naturally occuring source seeds of the main variety of corn.  It alarmed botanists world-wide when it happened.

>>>Corn as we know it today would not exist if it weren't for the humans that cultivated and developed it. It is a human invention, a plant that does not exist naturally in the wild. It can only survive if planted and protected by humans.

Scientists believe people living in central Mexico developed corn at least 7000 years ago. It was started from a wild grass called teosinte. Teosinte looked very different from our corn today. The kernels were small and were not placed close together like kernels on the husked ear of modern corn. Also known as maize Indians throughout North and South America, eventually depended upon this crop for much of their food.<<<

Areas like this are being destroyed all over the planet.  Some of them are geographic specific for certain seeds and not in every ditch, patch of brush and uncut pasture.



Thu, 12/13/2012 - 10:12 | 3058993 Mister Ponzi
Mister Ponzi's picture

The largest floods of the year were monetary ones caused by the big central banks...

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 10:13 | 3058995 buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

Natural Catastrophes are nothing compared to the misery inflicted upon the world by joo bankers. The Mayans knew this.

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 10:15 | 3059002 Manolo
Manolo's picture

:))  well, well , a few short days left ! So many things go wrong already ...

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 10:15 | 3059007 francis_sawyer
Thu, 12/13/2012 - 10:16 | 3059009 pappacass
pappacass's picture

I don't remember any freaking 'natural catastrophes' in Ireland this year anyways.  Only man-made banker/asshole/criminal ones that are continuing.  Scratch two dots so.

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 10:15 | 3059010 jmcadg
jmcadg's picture

I hear there is a financial tsunami on the way. Selective hearing.

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 10:27 | 3059057 Debeachesand Je...
Debeachesand Jerseyshores's picture

As long as you are on the Gold and Silver LifeBoat,you have nothing to worry about.

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 10:16 | 3059011 dontgoforit
dontgoforit's picture

There must be some reason that in Georgia, about 50 miles east of Atlanta, there's hundreds of thousands of coffins sitting in a field.

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 10:28 | 3059058 Flakmeister
Flakmeister's picture

No doubt it's a Civil War re-enactment of Sherman's March...

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 10:29 | 3059062 kridkrid
kridkrid's picture

Gotta link?

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 13:49 | 3060027 Things that go bump
Things that go bump's picture

Just google coffins in Georgia.  Can't miss it.

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 10:38 | 3059107 Sambo
Sambo's picture


Thu, 12/13/2012 - 11:03 | 3059116 Dapper Dan
Dapper Dan's picture

Who is prepping now?

The government is and has been preparing for something, perhaps many things, for decades. The very existence of FEMA and Department of Homeland Security suggests that they are planning for wide a variety of possibilities. To be clear, the fact that they are planning for something doesn’t necessarily mean that it will happen – just that it’s a possibility.

And how far “out there” is the US government when it comes to disaster planning and gaming emergency scenarios?

Consider an October 25, 2010 report from AOL News discussing the potential threat from an incoming asteroid. It may be the stuff of science fiction movies for most, but for White House Office of Science and Technology Policy director John Holdren it’s a possibility that cannot be ignored. In a series of letters to Congress Holdren outlines a plan for “protecting the United States from a near-Earth object that is expected to collide with Earth; and implementing a deflection campaign, in consultation with international bodies, should one be necessary.” The plan includes collaborative efforts between governments and militaries around the world in the event that NASA spots an incoming asteroid.



Houston - over ten thousand coffins 2 and 3 deep

Phoenix -


Ballistic proof dome/shelter on I-10 near Katy Texas, and as of a few months ago, hundreds of large generators in the parking lot.

Good photo of area.


Thu, 12/13/2012 - 11:12 | 3059273 new game
new game's picture

i be planning next buy @ 700/tube of 20...

or 1750/oz whichever arrives first-don't matter to me.

no discrimination here!

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 11:43 | 3059440 Chief KnocAHoma
Chief KnocAHoma's picture

Those coffins are for fans of The Fighting Irish who actually believe they are ready to go toe to toe with the SEC.

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 14:30 | 3060151 flattrader
flattrader's picture

There's nothing nefarious about the dome.  The company does natural disaster recovery for banks.

The dome shape stands up to high if you are going to stage your equipment near where it might be needed - the Texas coast - it might be smart to house it in something that can stand up to a hurricane or tornado.

for crimeny freakin' stakes...

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 10:16 | 3059014 toomanyfakecons...
toomanyfakeconservatives's picture

War and rough weather wish they could inflict as much misery and death as poverty and starvation does.

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 10:47 | 3059150 GMadScientist
GMadScientist's picture

Except that the starvation comes from the rough weather and the war from the poverty.


Thu, 12/13/2012 - 10:17 | 3059020 jmcadg
jmcadg's picture

I couldn't land on Jersey just now due to fog. Can you add that to the map Tyler.

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 10:18 | 3059022 ar01
ar01's picture

"If the Mayans are correct, the world has just over a week before it goes poof"

That's not even true -- the Mayans, actual Mayans at least, are celebrating the turnover of a new calendar. 

I think Tyler is a little upset initial claims numbers are down... if the economy were to start improving, ZH would lose almost all of its credibility. I can't be the only one that thinks Tyler is just grasping at straws with these posts, right? 

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 10:31 | 3059071 1100-TACTICAL-12
1100-TACTICAL-12's picture

"If the economy were to start improving' LMAO ain't gonna happen no mas factories for people to trabajo aqui,

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 10:53 | 3059163 Ralph Spoilsport
Ralph Spoilsport's picture

aro1: I can't be the only one that thinks you're a troll.

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 10:18 | 3059025 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

So sick of this shit....absolutely nowhere did the Mayans ever say the world will cease to exist on any date. 

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 10:33 | 3059080 kridkrid
kridkrid's picture

Nice job, buzz kill. :-)

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 10:45 | 3059140 insanelysane
insanelysane's picture

What are you talking about???  I just saw Barbara Walters interviewing the Mayan king and asking for his thoughts on Redneck Boo Boo and American Idol.

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 10:20 | 3059028 PUD
PUD's picture

All the evidence I need...

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 10:24 | 3059042 Manolo
Manolo's picture

Anyway, NO kidding: the mother of all natural catastrophes is just around the corner, in case nothing else is happening on the 21th. 

For all those wishing for a clean sheet, be careful what you are wishing for:>



22nd should be a day for celebration: we do start a new, interesting cycle 


Cheers !

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 10:54 | 3059181 GMadScientist
GMadScientist's picture

You smell somethin'?

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 13:52 | 3060042 Matt
Matt's picture

If the Clathrate Gun has been fired, that still doesn't mean it is manmade. Besides, spreading that kind of fear just encourages geoengineering, since that appears to be the only potential solution.

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 14:36 | 3060178 flattrader
flattrader's picture

Lots of methane gas locked up in the tundra...which is melting by the way.

I know someone who worked on tundra research up in Alaska.  He was happy to retire as it was making him almost too depressed to go on.

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 10:26 | 3059049 Coffin Dodger
Coffin Dodger's picture

modern mathematical theory puts it at 10-15 years hence

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 10:40 | 3059070 Flakmeister
Flakmeister's picture

Modern Mathematical theory?

Pray tell,  what the fuck is that within this context?

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 10:41 | 3059126 kridkrid
kridkrid's picture

It's kind of like new coke, only better.

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 10:58 | 3059196 overmedicatedun...
overmedicatedundersexed's picture

obuma will declare,

on 12/21/12..the  constitution null and void..executive orders will be the law of the land..why because we have a split congress and governing is not possible.

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 10:46 | 3059142 Seorse Gorog fr...
Seorse Gorog from that Quantum Entanglement Fund. alright_.-'s picture

Casio calculators instead of abacuses

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 10:55 | 3059183 GMadScientist
GMadScientist's picture

I get 'Err'. Is the answer 'Err'?

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 11:01 | 3059216 Shell Game
Shell Game's picture

"Pray tell,  what the fuck is that within this context?"


Ring #4 in this circus tent..

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 10:27 | 3059051 wisefool
wisefool's picture

I lose my highspeed internet on 12/15/2012 due to an IRS ruling from D.C.. I guess it is better than having my heart ripped out and offered to pre-civilization central planner at Tikal.

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 10:44 | 3059136 kridkrid
kridkrid's picture

You sure about that? When's the last time you surfed porn without high speed?

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 10:26 | 3059053 GMadScientist
GMadScientist's picture

How did the Mayans know about anthro climate change?

(look at all those blue, orange, and green dots!)

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 10:28 | 3059060 foodstampbarry
foodstampbarry's picture

The second I saw Honey moo moo on my T.V I new the Mayans were correct.

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 10:36 | 3059096 juangrande
juangrande's picture

Actually, the world ends and begins anew with every passing moment!

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 10:47 | 3059148 kridkrid
kridkrid's picture

Jack handy?

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 10:53 | 3059100 IridiumRebel
IridiumRebel's picture

I met the Mayans in Belize. They drink Tecate during the day and sell trinkets to dumb fat tourists on the side of the road by monuments. The Mayans did not say the world would end in 8 days. It is the end of their long count calendar and the beginning of a new era that is supposed to see higher human awareness. If this is true you will see every banker and fuckhead evaporate in the streets. Should a Zombie Apocalypse ensue, I will have my Winchester 1300 equalizer clearing a path to the family farm where we could hold off for a good year. Anything longer than a year and we will consider the value of living in a post apocalyptic world. In all seriousness, I am more worried about a large scale grid failure. That we can definitely handle......average shitheads? They will eat each other alive. I saw it during Sandy.

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 16:44 | 3060733 flattrader
flattrader's picture

The problems created by large scale gride failure are interesting.

I was watching the last season episode of Revolution with some teenagers who found it a fascinating distopian tale....until I explained that if all devices dependent on electricity failed to work what few survivors were left 15 years out would be dying soon due to radiation.

These kids didn't understand that you need electricity to run a nuke plant to keep everyting cool...and without it you get dead at some point due to ionizing radiation even if you are "far away."

We discussed the fantasy physics behind the "amulets" and they seemed fairly convinced that what happened in the TV show was likely not to happen...until I explained what a CME/Carrington event could do.

I think a couple of them lost some sleep over that.

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 10:37 | 3059104 MiniCooper
MiniCooper's picture

Rationally, if you thought the end of the World was coming you would spend all the wealth you had, borrow as much as possible and commit as many financial frauds as possible and hence live a life of decadent excess knowing that you would never be prosecuted or ever pay anything back.

Oh hang on a minute ..... 

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 10:38 | 3059113 Inthemix96
Inthemix96's picture

According to the mail online, the Large Halydron Collieder is having a bash at proton smashing on the 21st at 11.11am.

Its then shut down till 2017 for maintenance.  These Swiss buggers could be what we are looking for folks.

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 10:41 | 3059121 ShrNfr
ShrNfr's picture

As a practical matter, the Mayan "Great Cycle" was just one of a number of time measurments in their system. The longest of them is the Hablatun which equals about 1.26 billion years. But its fun to watch the lemmings run around with this one.

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 10:57 | 3059192 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

It's going to be funny to see all the stupid things people haave done when we wake up on Dec.22nd and nothing has happened.

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 11:43 | 3059439 Absinthe Minded
Absinthe Minded's picture

Maybe I won't get to see 47, better have my party on the 21st instead.

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 10:58 | 3059200 Sambo
Sambo's picture

Think of this tragic scenario....a large asteroid measuring a couple of 100 miles in dia, crashes into the moon at great speed. A few broken pieces, several miles wide come flying towards the earth....

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 11:01 | 3059220 jplotinus
jplotinus's picture

"... running at at annualized pace of a near record-setting 900 in 2012 alone..."


If BLS were to spin data in that manner, we'd have a field day of incredulity and ridicule around here.


Thu, 12/13/2012 - 11:13 | 3059277 I am on to you
I am on to you's picture

Yes its correct:The Mayans disappeared!

So, run to the bank,and lend a ton of money,Cayman style.

The world has gone under so manytimes,still,the sun is shinning.

Noa, where are you when needed,No, was it just a fairytale,and Jehovas,what have they go up their sleewe,now the Pope have learned to tweet!

Time, for one more cup of coffee,before i go,NUTS!

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 11:15 | 3059297 nah
nah's picture




Thu, 12/13/2012 - 11:18 | 3059308 Uncle Remus
Uncle Remus's picture

I found the memo - in the junk folder.

Thu, 12/13/2012 - 11:18 | 3059309 CoolBeans
CoolBeans's picture

Let's all take the rest of the year off -- just in case.

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