The Main Stumbling Block Of The Abe Administration: Diarrhea?

Tyler Durden's picture

As we pointed out earlier today, Japan's new Prime Minister Shinzo Abe, is really Japan's old Prime Minister Shinzo Abe, who in September 2007 quit after precisly one year in the PM post, despite having been groomed his entire life just for the position. His tenure was, in short, a sheer disaster. The Economist summarizes it as follows: "Mr Abe's government was initially very popular. Yet the tide in Mr Abe's affairs only ebbed. True, early on he made a notable opening towards China, with whom relations had been strained under Mr Koizumi. Other than that, Mr Abe proved unable to impose discipline upon a cabinet of the corrupt and incompetent. Worse, he had a tin ear for the political mood. Voters, it had turned out, had been beguiled more by Mr Koizumi the messenger than by his message of structural reform, which entailed pain and uncertainty, notably in Japan's rural regions and among the old. Mr Abe failed to address these concerns."

"Domestic policy interests him not a jot... Mr Abe's inert response to a bureaucratic scandal involving 50m missing pensions records underscored how out-of-touch he was. In late July voters punished his government in elections for the Diet's upper house: for the first time in its half-century life, the LDP and allies lost the upper-house majority, to the opposition Democratic Party of Japan (DPJ). Not just the opposition but LDP heavyweights too began calling for Mr Abe's resignation."

And thus began the slide of the LDP, which soon thereafter saw its uninterrupted run of 50 years at the helm of Japan end, with power handed over to the DPJ. Yet what was the gracious "exit" pretext that Abe used to evacuate his leadership spot without admitting defeat? Diarrhea. Yup: diarrhea.

The aptly named Japan Probe explains:

Shinzo Abe resigned as Prime Minister, claiming that diarrhea was preventing him from carrying out his duties. The diarrhea was due to ulcerative colitis, a bowel illness caused by ulcers. Abe had suffered from this illness for decades, but after becoming Prime Minister, the stress of his job apparently made the symptoms worse.

Surely, the complete collapse of public support for his government had nothing to do with the spike in his bathroom runs:

A couple days ago, Abe was elected leader of the Liberal Democratic Party. Two important events seemd to have made his victory possible. One is the recent outburst of Chinese aggression, which made a conservative “hawk” like Abe attractive to party members. The other, and perhaps the most important, was Abe’s use of a new medicine that allowed him to better control his bowel movements.

Meet Asacol: the miracle drug that has once again replaced the fecal debilitation with fiscal:

One politically correct take:

In September 2009, Zeria Pharmaceutical, a Japanese firm known for medication that treats digestive problems, acquired the Swiss company Tillotts. Soon after that acquisition, Tillotts’s medication, Asacol, used to treat ulcerative colitis and Crohn’s disease, became available in the Japanese healthcare market.


One person who has benefited from this drug is Abe Shinz?, the current leader of the Liberal Democratic Party. Thanks to Asacol he has seen a dramatic improvement in the chronic ailment he has suffered since his youth, which forced him to resign as prime minister in 2007. He now has his sights on becoming prime minister again. Therefore, to a certain extent, Japan’s surge in overseas M&A is behind this revived political career. It goes to show that we have seen considerable dynamism from Japanese corporations.

A less politically correct take, of course, is that in a world in which there is a scapegoat for each and everything that can go wrong (hot weather, cold weather, a tropical storm, a tornado, an earthquake, people buying too much, people not buying enough, etc., etc., and in short all those other things that happens while central planners use their priced_to_perfection.xls models), the explosive diarrhea was merely the excuse to afford Abe a graceful exit stage left.

We wonder what physical ailment will be scapegoated by the brand (or not so brand) new PM three to six months from now, when this time is shown to not be different, when Japan once again lapses into deflation's loving caress, and when in response to the imminent QE 10, 12, 13 and so forth from the BOJ, the other, far more aggressive "developed world" central banks react in kind, and in turn send the JPY soaring (and the near record high JPY shorts scrambling for the exits).

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Dr. Sandi's picture

It was just a bad translation from Japanese.

The original intent was to say that he was leaving because the shit was hitting the fan.

Thank you Google Translate for screwing everything up.

Zer0head's picture

Dear Tylers


for not live streaming the Newtown saddness as Obama sits piously (thinking about Droney) , hands clenched prayer like beneath his jaw as a parade of holy men try and explain Asperger's syndrome

(I thought he was there for private meetings with the families (Benghazi) and 1st responders  and not some political never let a disaster go to waste extravaganza)


lineskis's picture

You can not make this shit up... No pun intended...

TheFourthStooge-ing's picture

Unfortunatery, Asacor being not for Mr. Abe new distressingness of arimentary canar the treatment effectivery.

Ascentioning to Prime Ministrations bring onset of new affriction of digestive intractable known as Diaoyurrhea.

Treatmentation of Diaoyurrhea of most matteringness requiring the apprication of Maopectate judiciousry.

AldousHuxley's picture

live by the gun, die by the gun


unemployed mom receiving $250,000/year alimony got shot by her own gun.


and dumbass americans get bombarded on TV with opportunists trying to make money from kids dying.



Dr. Sandi's picture

Sounds like one of the ads you see online.

Unemployed mom in (Your Town) makes $250,000/year. Point and click here.

vast-dom's picture

let's get this clear: the half-life of voter's memory in Japan is significantly shorter than cesium, right? Or could one blame cesium for voter brain radiation rot?


Abe will plead Godzilla irradiation defense next, guaranteed.

DCon's picture

If medication stops it coming out, would that make him full of it?


Racer's picture


Is this the 1st of April?

mkhs's picture

No, the new normal.

sitenine's picture

Who gives a shit?

mkhs's picture

If you had read the post, you would know.  Abe Shinzo.

Dr. Sandi's picture

I'm guessing that with his baggage, Shinzo will never be known affectionately by historians as "Honest Abe."


You're welcome.

ZippyBananaPants's picture

Nothing worse than trying to complete a thought at your desk while puckering your spinkter to hold back a batch of liquid hot lava!

Kiwi Pete's picture

You're jumping to conclusions Zippy. We don't know the temperature or the velocity. I want to know if it was the exposive variety just in case I find myself at a function sitting next to the guy.

lolmao500's picture

China to Japan: Don't test us

China's official news agency urged Japan's new leaders Sunday not to "pick fights" with neighbours as election exit polls showed the hawkish Shinzo Abe on course to become the next prime minister.

Abe, who spent the campaign pledging to bolster Japan's defences and stand up to China over disputed islands, secured a decisive victory for his Liberal Democratic Party (LDP).

Japan now has a unique opportunity to reformulate its foreign policy and change its image in the neighbours' eyes, Xinhua's commentary said.

"An economically weak and politically angry Japan will not only hurt the country, but also hurt the region and the world at large,'' it added.

"Instead of pandering to domestic hawkish views and picking fights with its neighbours, the new Japanese leadership should take a more rational stand on foreign policy.

"Only when the world sees a cool-headed and cooperative Japan can the country ease into the vast network of trade and investment in the Asia-Pacific, the most promising region in the 21st century,'' Xinhua added.

The commentary came just days after Beijing's latest effort to bolster its claim to the islands, by submitting to the United Nations information on the outer limits of its continental shelf.

Abe on Sunday said there was no doubt over Japan's ownership of the islands at the centre of the dispute, saying Beijing was "challenging the fact that (the islands) are Japan's inherent territory'' and that his objective was "to stop the challenge''.

This is gonna end SUPER WELL.

lolmao500's picture

Also interesting about Shinzo Abe's LDP party :

C.I.A. Spent Millions to Support Japanese Right in 50's and 60's

In a major covert operation of the cold war, the Central Intelligence Agency spent millions of dollars to support the conservative party that dominated Japan's politics for a generation.

The C.I.A. gave money to the Liberal Democratic Party and its members in the 1950's and the 1960's, to gather intelligence on Japan, make the country a bulwark against Communism in Asia and undermine the Japanese left, said retired intelligence officials and former diplomats. Since then, the C.I.A. has dropped its covert financial aid and focused instead on gathering inside information on Japan's party politics and positions in trade and treaty talks, retired intelligence officers said.

The Liberal Democrats' 38 years of one-party governance ended last year when they fell from power after a series of corruption cases -- many involving secret cash contributions. Still the largest party in Japan's parliament, they formed an awkward coalition in June with their old cold war enemies, the Socialists -- the party that the C.I.A.'s aid aimed in part to undermine.

Interesting uh?

Yen Cross's picture

QE infinity/  I can smell it!

IndicaTive's picture

Give a guy a break. Nobody likes shitting at work. Right?

Currency is Debt's picture

GBPJPY 15-year Chart, 1997-2012

USDJPY was above 300, i believe 360 in the 1970s

BigInJapan's picture

Yen Cross,

Can you recommend any 4x-20x inverse Yen ETFs? The party starts now! Jun Azumi is being shown the door and in March, Abe gets to replace the #2 and #3 men in the BOJ.

Gasoline 145Yen/L today here up north. Lets see where this "inflation" of his goes. 

lolmao500's picture

The whole of Asia is shitting their pants :

Asian neighbours nervous after election comeback for Japanese 'warmonger'

LDP leader Shinzo Abe vows to challenge the pacifist constitution and spend on defence

Not Too Important's picture

The 'whole of Asia' has more to worry about than Japan 're-arming' themselves. 'Honest' Abe is going to preside over the extinction of his country:

Door-to-door surveys revealed clusters of Fukushima residents with persistent nose bleeds, diarrhea — Fallout refugees talk about bizarre rashes, high fevers, more

"[...] door-to-door surveying in non-evacuated areas 60 kilometres from the plant revealed clusters of residents with persistent nose bleeding and diarrhoea. The same symptoms were also found among Tokyo residents."

Tokyo, according to US and International standards for nuclear contamination, should be scraped clean - every building, every tree, the roads, the dirt, everything for 1,400 square miles - and buried 100' deep. Same with the population - all 13,000,000 people are now radioactive waste, just waiting to die. And spreading fast.

We will all watch this national self-immolation in real time. And coming to the US and Canadian West Coast quickly:

"NASA Goddard's Global Modeling and Assimilation Office recently ran a simulation of the atmosphere that captured how winds whip radionuclides, such as aerosolized plutonium, around the world." (edited):

This is Kyle Bass' big bet. Wait till he shorts California . . .




lolmao500's picture

Yeah Japan as a country and society is doomed for at least 2 generations bare minimum. And who knows where the world will be in 50 years.

flattrader's picture

26 years after Chernobyl, children born outside the exclusion zone in Belarus initially seem to be healthy, but then all manner of mental and physicall disabilities manifest themselves.  Their disabilities so severe they live in institutions.

Fuku is much worse than Chernobyl.  It will be more than 2 generations.  It will be in perpetuity.  Those reactors and spent fuel pools are still spewing.  Radiation hasn't been cut off.  [ It hasn't been cut-off at Chernobyl either, but they have a crumbling sarchophagus and are building a replacement over the first, though the project is more than a decande behind schedule, it is progressing.]

A clue as to what lies ahead in Japan is in the cattle deaths.  They eat grass and uptake cesium.  It is spreading Island-wide throughout the food chain.

Go to Keyword search cattle.

Everthing else in Japan is just noise, because they are not dealing with this...they are intentionally spreading it by shipping out radioactive debris and burining it Island-wide...and it will kill them...however slowly.

oak's picture

It would be extremly lucky for only 2 generations.

Frank N. Beans's picture

radioactive shit farce bitchez


hannah's picture

i love sushi but god damn are japanese people just the weirdest fucking society on earth....? they have a pres that cant stop shitting and we have a pres that doesnt give a shit....?

ball-and-chain's picture

Japan is really our teacher.

They taught us to blow up a real-estate bubble.

Then they taught us how to print our way out of it.

Now--similiar to them--we are caught in a deflationary endless recession.

This stuff probably won't end till the baby-boomers start dying off.

We've got a long way to go.


Dr. Sandi's picture

The Baby Boomers started dying off in big numbers during the Viet Nam war.

It didn't help.

Yen Cross's picture

You are certified (retarded) ...

Dr. Sandi's picture

Which part of the statement is unclear to your normal mind?

53,000 Americans, primarily Baby Boomers, died in the Viet Nam War. Some of them were kids I knew. Most were complete strangers.

It didn't help much of anything.

Sorry if this shit offends your feminine side.

Yen Cross's picture

The part where you down vote every comment, relevant or not?  How's that for starters?  Baby boomers died, My uncle Bud was one of them.

  That brings us back to the policies of current administrations? YES?  I kind of like my feminine side/ Blowing people up, isn't on my agenda/

   People violating my personal space? That's a whole new can of worms...

Dr. Sandi's picture

WTF you talking about Cartman? This thread is about Shinzo Abe's diarrhea, not yours. There is no intent to violate your personal space, only HIS.

BigInJapan's picture

I wonder how long it will take that new LDP schill to find this thread?

He must be on his lunchbreak now. 12:38 here.

BigInJapan's picture

Funny how Asacol couldn't get regulatory approval before Tillot's was "acquired" by Japanese big-pharma, though.


Dr. Sandi's picture

This product sounds more like a 99 cent phone app than a drug.

"Explosive diarrhea threatening your business meeting? It's time to give your Asacol."

Silverhog's picture

Have to read the story when Diarrhea is part of the headline.