The Magic Money Printer: The Solution To All Of Life's Problems, Now Available For The Low, Low Price Of $4.79

Tyler Durden's picture

The Fed has one, the ECB has one, the BOE, BOJ, SNB also have one. Even Zimbabwe has one. And anyone close to them is filthy rich and has nothing to worry about, ever again. So it is only fair the "Magic Money Printing Machines" which are now the bedrock of the "developed" world's economies, should be made available to everyone. And at a price of just $4.79, soon everyone can be a self-made (literally) trillionaire, and live in filthy Keynesian opulence until the end of time.

Presenting: the Magic Money Printing Machine (Black), SKU: YM013X

Performance effect: Print a piece of white paper and the paper turns to the money note.


Preparation: Place one note or two notes in the printing machine, prepare a piece of white paper in the same size as the note.


1. Place the white paper in the other side of the machine.


2. Revolve the machine and the money note comes out.


3. As the paper in machine moves in s-shape, the white paper enters in one side and the note comes out in another side of the machine.

End result: Keynesian wealth for everyone. And lots and lots of magic.

Package contents:

1 × Magic Money Printing Machine
1 × White Paper
1 × Money Note
1 × User Manual


Coming soon to a socialist, Keynesian utopia near you: the Magic Money Printer sequel - the Magic Money Tree.

Comment viewing options

Select your preferred way to display the comments and click "Save settings" to activate your changes.
hedgeless_horseman's picture



Will it work on Silver Certificates?


"This certifies that there is on deposit in the Treasury of the United States of America five dollars in silver payable to the bearer on demand."

CPL's picture

You can always wallpaper an office with it.  Problem with paper IOU's, someone has to honour them.  Personally I think it'll look nice in the den next to the Worldcom wallpaper, Bear Sterns and soon to be Walmart.


It's still going on btw.


EnslavethechildrenforBen's picture

If it's ok for the Bankers to counterfeit money, then I say we should all counterfeit money

CPL's picture

You don't get it.  All fiat currency is counterfeit.  All of it, not some of it.  All of it.


There is nothing backing it except a handful of people stating that it's worth something.  Until they change their minds on Jan 23rd 2013.

Xibalba's picture

why do modern coins have ridges in them? 

xtop23's picture

As Garth Algar would say, "They're ribbed for her pleasure, ewwww."

EnslavethechildrenforBen's picture

I'd like to see the Cops trying to arrest each and every single person if we all decided to print our own money on the very same day

Mad Mohel's picture

Wouldn't really have to get everyone. Just round up a few handfuls and have a very public execution, problem solved. That's the nice thing about sheep, they are easily cowed. Zing.

muqtada321's picture

Good one, then each person counts the printed money behind the bars :) printing company

SafelyGraze's picture

"why do modern coins have ridges in them?"

so people won't clip them for their zinc

why do modern FRNs have signatures on them?


hedgeless_horseman's picture



why do modern FRNs have signatures on them?

The borrower(s) is always required to sign the loan document, also known as a note.  The lender, in this case the Federal Reserve Bank, is not required to sign the note.

FiatFapper's picture

Because when coins has metalic value, people used to scrape the coins edges.

goldfish1's picture

I want a currency printer. 5 fivers a day per person shouldn't be too hard to spend. Mix 'em up with some regular tens and ones and twenties and pretty soon, they're in the local currency. Gas, grocery stores, pharmacy, restaurants, post office, golf course, movies.


Adds a little somethin to the bottom line.



Radical Marijuana's picture

CPL, regarding your assertion that:

There is nothing backing it except a handful of people stating that it's worth something.

Fiat money is backed by murder. There is a combined money/murder system. The debt controls depend on the death controls. Fiat money works because it is the state religion of a sovereign power that has an armed force to back up taxation and legal tender laws. It is the police and the armed forces that back up fiat money. What made War King then morphed to make Fraud King.

The only way that any fiat money has meaning is because that fiat money fraud is backed by force. The money system pays for the murder system, and then the murder system backs up the money system in return. Everyone is already integrated into that overall system of organized lies, operating organized robberies, with the power to murder being the ultimate form of the power to rob.

It is not just a "handful of people" stating fiat money is worth something. It is an entire global system of electronic fiat money frauds, backed by atomic bombs, and the rest of the other real threats from weapons of mass destruction. Everyone who uses money to live is part of that system. The police and armed forces are paid to maintain that system, and they expect to retire, and receive pensions and benefits from that system, which will be maintained by those who become the police and armed forces in the future.

IF there was any saner public debate about the magic money printer and money tree, then that would address the reality of the murder system which made those meaningful. However, such a sane public debate would have to address those issues of an already established global electronic fiat money fraud, backed by the threat of real atomic bombs, as being THE PROBLEM. It is all organized lies, backed by violence, which has been developed using science and technology to become many, many orders of magnitude greater than ever before ... and that is automatically getting bigger even as I write this ... Moreover, it is absolutely impossible, in principle, for human reality to ever be anything else than some ecology of those factors.

Of course, the problem is that people can say things like you did, CPL, that fiat money is backed by nothing but a handful of people stating it is worth something, when, actually, it is backed by millions of organized murderers, armed to the teeth with weapons of mass destruction, who are paid by billions of other people to keep on doing that!!!

The ONLY sane public debate would be to negotiate better death control systems. However, instead, we are rushing towards the established systems going mad, and destroying themselves, through too much "success" at controlling civilization with financial frauds, until that results in genocidal wars, and democidal martial law. The alterantive, of a saner debate, that faces the facts about the combined money/murder system, appears to be practically impossible, and a non-starter.  There is no doubt in my mind that more than 99% of the general population does not understand their own real situation, and do not want to understand. There is a tiny minority of the population that does sort of understand, BUT, their only goal is to keep their triumphant systems of frauds going and growing ...

sgt_doom's picture

Although it's been years since I've read it, that great populist from Texas, Wright Patman said it best about the Federal Reserve (circa 1934):

"It's a total moneymaking machine."

(It think it was in Chapter 8?)

francis_sawyer's picture

I never understood why they didn't use a foto of Lincoln WITH THE HOLE IN HIS HEAD... You know to help re-inforce everyones compliance to the idea...

Spider's picture

This is wrong and will cost people jobs!  I mean what the heck would Bernanke and his CB friends be doing if these Money Machines take off? 

Biggvs's picture

Is that Stephen Colbert's head on the newly printed $100 note coming out of the machine?

ThirdWorldDude's picture

Quick, hire AAPL's lawyers and sue the cherry blossom out of the Japs for this shameless patent theft!

GMadScientist's picture

I'm working on counterfeiting silver dollars with my 3D printer and some electroplating equipment.

Gotta fund my transmutation device somehow.


Wakanda's picture

My alchemy lab to create a philosophers stone is not working out well.  The smells are horrible and neighbors are suspicious that I'm brewing meth. 

Please keep me updated on the transmutation device.


francis_sawyer's picture

The key step to creating a philosophers stone is to become a jew... That gets you a job in banking, whereby you can readily start turning paper into gold for yourself...

Larry Dallas's picture

What they don't tell you is that the ink is probably $400. Damn HP inkjets...

bigdumbnugly's picture

Yes, now you too can live like a banker.


if you call within the next 15 minutes you will receive not one, but TWO handy dandy money printers.   Because with all that printing, there will certainly be some wear and tear here.  

Just pay the additional shipping and handling.



TheFourthStooge-ing's picture

BUT WAIT! That's not all!

The Magic Money Printing Machine® is also a fully functional 'cigarette' rolling machine! The next time you want to "burn one" you can actually burn one.*

*Magic Money Printing Machine Co. LLC does not endorse the use of federal reserve notes as a substitute for rice paper. Federal reserve notes contain chemicals known to the State of California to cause cancer and birth defects or other reproductive harm.

Wakanda's picture

Thanks HH for the memories of "real" paper money.  That is one "golden" memory of my youth.  : )

Popo's picture

Of course, you realize that all five dollar bills will buy you five dollars worth of silver.  Right?

hedgeless_horseman's picture



Yes, but of course you realize that the amount of silver, in grams, a five dollar bill buys decreases over time, right?  And of course you realize this is because the dollar is no longer backed by a finite resource?

Karlus's picture

Future silver certificates will redeem to get you a look at a silver bar on a table.

Kinda like a lap dance, once the song changes, you better have another certificate or the silver gets moved to another table.

VIP of course gets you some champaign and a couple bars at the same time.

At the BYOB all nood, the bars come out of their wrappers, but are kinda beat up....

vast-dom's picture

correct. perhaps the clueless post was....

hedgeless_horseman's picture



I expect from you a better ad hominem attack than simply, "clueless."  No bold, ALL CAPS, or swearing, vast-dom? 

That is not like you.  Are you not feeling well?

indygo55's picture

Isn't this what JFK did to get uh,,,,, never mind.


Quinvarius's picture

Infinite money?  I'll take 2.

Ghordius's picture

infinite money? I'll take....more

and don't skimp on the sidedish of chicks


OT but related: the "solution" on "The Daily Beast": Treasury to decree one coin of platin as worth a trillion bucks and buy back it's debt from the FED

Bicycle Repairman's picture

infinite money? I'll take....mine first.

vast-dom's picture

i can only afford it at $5 even. my money printer doesn't do coins.

francis_sawyer's picture

See ~ The old adage "it takes money to make money" has been proven correct... & the pricetag is only 4.98 joobux...

ptoemmes's picture

I wonder if they'll take the stuff printed from their own machine

francis_sawyer's picture

Nope ~ They'd rather shakedown granny until she's forced to cough up her tea set & last butterknife in the cupboard...

malikai's picture

How did people in idiocracy know what the bills said on them?

Also, welcome to costco, I love you.

buzzsaw99's picture

brought to you by carl's jr

francis_sawyer's picture

When they RFID chip your ass, you're gonna be required to get an Obama portrait or a Star of David on your skin over where they embed the chip...

francis_sawyer's picture

You must like debt then ~ cause that's what it is...