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Boehner Headlines: Move To "Plan B"

Tyler Durden's picture




 

When the US has become the equivalent of a Eurogroup Belgian summit at 4 am, with interim red headlines the only market moving variable, all one can do is sit back and laugh. In the meantime, here are the obligatory headlines:

  • BOEHNER SAID TO BE MOVING TO `PLAN B' ON FISCAL CLIFF
  • BOEHNER SAID TO PLAN BILL WITH TAX HIKES ON INCOME OVER $1M
  • BOEHNER SAID TO CONTINUE NEGOTIATIONS WITH PRESIDENT OBAMA
  • HOUSE LEADERSHIP TO START WHIPPING VOTES ON "PROBABLY THREE DIFFERENT SCENARIOS" ON TAXES TODAY.

One wonders what Plan A was... Of course, Obama demanding $400,000 as the threshold, so we will by plan ZQX before this is all over. Perhaps it is time for Chained Employment to go alongside Chained CPI - just think of the savings? In the meantime, Obama's plan involves cutting spending at some point in the future, but first hiking it by $80 billion. We hope the Belgian caterers, made so filty rich thanks to an insolvent Europe, i) open a Constitution Avenue office, and ii) launch a 10x levered ETF.

Finally, for those confused what "Plan B" is, and why Boehner is moving there, here it is:

 

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Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:28 | 3074486 crusty curmudgeon
crusty curmudgeon's picture

I'm proud not to be a boehner

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:41 | 3074530 I Am Not a Copp...
I Am Not a Copper Top's picture

I HAVE a boehner.  That chick is hot.

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:46 | 3074551 azzhatter
azzhatter's picture

nice funbags on that chick

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:54 | 3074576 Looney
Looney's picture

Another downgrade is coming. Only this time by all 3 R(etard)ating Agencies.

Looney

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:44 | 3074540 CPL
CPL's picture

Everyone is proud to not be that man.

 

He's on the shit list now.  The douche bag is paid to protect his voters.  We'll just have to remind them how useless he is to remove him is all, then they can shun him once his power is stripped from him.

 

I don't understand why these fools want to die alone and destroy their own families...for something as worthless as fiat.

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:48 | 3074554 azzhatter
azzhatter's picture

Boner ran unopposed in his district last year and still spent millions on re-election

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:57 | 3074589 CPL
CPL's picture

Time to make a candidate in his area then.  Anyone is better than...that.  This deserves an Anonymous OP.  Operation Sock puppet...  Take some guy off the street, give him cue cards, stick him in a suit.  Youtube channel and facebook/twitter blast every human being in his riding.  Whole thing should cost around 20k to rip him out of that chair and throw him on the street.

 

Boehner = worthless, weak, cowardly, pissant, sycophantic, silver spoon chewing fart catching twat.

 

 

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:58 | 3074592 GMadScientist
GMadScientist's picture

All tanning product.

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 21:08 | 3077044 Go Tribe
Go Tribe's picture

Side by side, he's darker than obama.

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 11:15 | 3074640 CrashisOptimistic
CrashisOptimistic's picture

He's not on the shit list yet.

That only happens when this chained CPI stuff applies to GOVERNMENT AND MILITARY PENSIONS and btw CONGRESSIONAL PENSIONS as well as to Soc. Sec.

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 11:44 | 3074728 CPL
CPL's picture

No, he's proven himself worthless in every job he's been given and he's only been given about four in his life if you look at his CV.

If his job were to be the amazing cock gobbling twat then that would be great.  But it's not.  

He's in charge of the opposition and his party's conservative mandate.  If he wants to wear the big boy pants then he has to actually DO THE JOB HE"S PAID TO DO.  So yes, it's time to take the keys to the kingdom away from the twit before he causes more damage.

 

He's too old for organ donation, so he serves no function other than oxygen recycling at this moment in time because he's certainly not doing his job.  Lazy, lazy, lazy.

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:29 | 3074489 LongSoupLine
LongSoupLine's picture

Plan "B"utt fuck the middle class some more.

 

Fuck you you wimpering asshole.

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 11:07 | 3074507 GetZeeGold
GetZeeGold's picture

 

 

 

Hey....it ain't easy being a pussy. I have Institutional Syndrome....what's your excuse? Living behind these walls does things to a man.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Institutionalization_

 

 

If it's OK with you I'm going to have a cig and figure out how much more I can give to those guys....maybe squeeze in a tanning session if I'm lucky.

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:37 | 3074522 crusty curmudgeon
crusty curmudgeon's picture

Boehner to middle class:

Plan A:  Bend Over

Plan B:  BOHICA

We can all guess what plan C would look like.

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:55 | 3074578 ZeroAvatar
ZeroAvatar's picture

Plan C:  COHIBA

 

Mission accomplished, taxpayers fucked, enjoy a stogey.

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 11:14 | 3074637 Lost Wages
Lost Wages's picture

Plan Bee: Boehner releases a bunch of bees in the Oval Office.

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:30 | 3074493 dwdollar
dwdollar's picture

A mannequin would be a better negotiator than Boehner. At least it wouldn't budge.

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:31 | 3074496 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Boehner Head(line).. I see what you did there.

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:30 | 3074497 mckee
mckee's picture

They're throwing around a billion savings here or a billion in revenue here and it's all over a 10 year timeline. It's like my credit cards being $10,000 more than I can pay so I cancel my Netflix membership.

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 11:10 | 3074632 odatruf
odatruf's picture

At least canceling your Netflix membership would be real savings. What they are doing is not going ahead with the plan to get Hulu + in addition to Netflix, meaning there are no real cuts as you or I understand what the words means. To them, a cut is not buying something new in addition to what they already buy.

 

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:30 | 3074498 88888
88888's picture

Plan B?? Is this a joke. Looking for another +18 point day in the ES. All you can do is laugh at this point

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:33 | 3074500 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

What difference does it make? The world ends Friday.

<Is that Greenwhich Mean time or is it a rolling sunrise kinda end?>

/sarc......just in case it wasn't obvious. :)

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:34 | 3074509 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

It better end....I haven't figured out what to get the Mrs. for Christmas.

 

Hey I'm a poet and don't realize it.

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:42 | 3074535 francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

I hope it doesn't end before happy hour starts ~ or do we get a hall pass for that day?...

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:45 | 3074539 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

I'm giving Mrs. Cog Gold and Silver Eagles. It seemed the right thing to do considering.

<My guru says we can take the PMs with us to the afterlife.>

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:45 | 3074548 fuu
fuu's picture

Radish seeds, don't forget the radish seeds.

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:54 | 3074564 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

Just checked with my guru for advice on the radish seeds. Bad news. He says that because of my radish obsession in this life unfortunately I'm coming back in the next as a radish.

<The good news is that Mrs. Cog is coming back as a hot sexy women (again) who loves radishes.>  :)

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:58 | 3074590 fuu
fuu's picture

At least it will be a short life, full of sun and rain. You'll be back on the wheel in no time.

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 11:01 | 3074602 ZeroAvatar
ZeroAvatar's picture

My wife's getting a Dune Buggy......with GUN SCABBARDS!  She'll be so happy..................

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:32 | 3074501 the not so migh...
the not so mighty maximiza's picture

They have to do all this complicated language acrobatics to get that dam debt ceiling raised.

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:32 | 3074502 Seorse Gorog fr...
Seorse Gorog from that Quantum Entanglement Fund. alright_.-'s picture

Is it pronounced 'Boner'?

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:35 | 3074510 Jason T
Jason T's picture

Bay-ner

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:41 | 3074533 Meatballs
Meatballs's picture

I sorta like 'Weeping Cheeto'.

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:42 | 3074537 francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

How about 'Blubbering Oompa Loompa'?

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 11:06 | 3074619 sgorem
sgorem's picture

Boner happened to be designated as THE ORANGE MAN by one of our fellow ZHer's the other day. Quite apropo considering he uses orange tanning lotion and wears pink ties. I guess what I'm tryin to say here is, he's a fucking orange & pink scrotum sucking political clown.

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:41 | 3074529 crusty curmudgeon
crusty curmudgeon's picture

Well, Boehner beats Weiner.

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:50 | 3074565 Mitzibitzi
Mitzibitzi's picture

Nah, you can eat a Weiner. You can't eat a Boehn... oh, wait!

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 11:14 | 3074641 Meatballs
Meatballs's picture

He beats his Weiner alright.

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:37 | 3074504 falak pema
falak pema's picture

income cliff height for hi-taxation bracket tug-of-war : 250 vs 400 vs 500 vs 1000 K.

What about capital gains or dividends, and taxation? 

will the defence spending come down big time as well as some of that entitlement gravy? 

If u throw in a photo like that plan B has a much deeper significance; and its down on all fours by the sounds of it. 

Now I know why DSK paid 6 million to his hotel maid; it was plan D! 

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:44 | 3074542 Spastica Rex
Spastica Rex's picture

You have to go to the theater next week to find out if Flash Gordon survives or not.

That's what my dad said.

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:34 | 3074506 Iam Yue2
Iam Yue2's picture

Rather than force a deal, as it may have done in the olden days, the tame and compliant new normal market has already priced a deal in.  It will be interesting to see what is going to happen when a deal is finally done.

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:37 | 3074517 PUD
PUD's picture

If Americans would only substitute road kill instead of beef and pick through dumpsters like the Spanish, there would be no inflation, we would save trillions and all would be well.

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:38 | 3074519 rsnoble
rsnoble's picture

Maybe boner should stfu and put the cocktail down for 5 minutes.  Imagine a career where you get paid millions, get drunk everyday and sit around and bitch while the whole country crumbles.

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:41 | 3074531 CrimsonAvenger
CrimsonAvenger's picture

I've got lots of experience with the second and third parts. Where do I send my resume?

 

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:47 | 3074552 crusty curmudgeon
crusty curmudgeon's picture

It may sound good, but if you have a conscience, I wouldn't put in my resume just yet:  you have to suck a lot of johnsons and give up your soul.

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 11:04 | 3074612 CPL
CPL's picture

If you live in his riding, I have a couple of suggestions considering he ran unopposed.

 

You would only need more than the 60000 voters in an area of millions to get his job.  The power of large numbers works in anyone's favor against such a tiny showing at the polls.

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:49 | 3074558 Pool Shark
Pool Shark's picture

Other than the millions part, you just described ZeroHedge...

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 11:03 | 3074605 rsnoble
rsnoble's picture

I'm actually sitting here waiting for the liquor store to open wait for my comments here in a few hours.  Unless im still lost in the woods on my 4wheeler.

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:58 | 3074588 rsnoble
rsnoble's picture

Not that I agree with everything Lord Obama wants either.   

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:41 | 3074527 DosZap
DosZap's picture

All you can do is laugh at this point

Nope, includes heading down to the Bank, and closing IRA's out before you pay an additional 10%,in taxation rates in 2013(on withdrawals),or MORE.

Obama has no intentions of  limiting these increases to Just $200/250k, the ceiling will be $50 a year before it's over.

One bite at a time, and he WANTS to go over the cliff, and blame it all on the GOP.

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:46 | 3074550 surf0766
surf0766's picture

Howard Dean admitted that this was just the beginning. He stated taxes need to go up for everyone. Everyone except those who pay no taxes.

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:55 | 3074582 Racer
Racer's picture

Everyone pays taxes

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 11:07 | 3074621 CPL
CPL's picture

I think everyone on the hill this year is going to be surprised when people don't and IRS paycheques start to bounce.

 

But what has happened is the paycheques will continue, but you won't be able to afford anything with them.

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 14:02 | 3075268 Swarmee
Swarmee's picture

Technically correct, the best kind. But a more complete expression would be that everyone pays sales (I.e. consumption) tax of some kind, but only some of us pay income (I.e. production) taxes.

Wat we see is that those who are productive pay coming and going, those who are willing to forego their potential to effectively becomes wards of the state to a higher degree are rewarded by paying on only consumption.

This (simplistically) illustrates both that there is no free lunch, but also that the productive are penalized to subsidize the unproductive. It also implies that the current system of selectively taxing both production and consumption leads to uneven application of the tax policy and exacerbates the disparity of who supports our society.

In some cases this may be acceptable, eg helping the indigent, feeble, or misfortunate who have no other option. But in many demonstrable cases this system is simply being gamed by those who would rather trade their independence in return for effectively not working. Welfare, disability, unemployment were meant to be a safety net, not a career choice.

I personally know an in-law who intentioanlly curtails his income to stay below the point at which he reaps maximum state benefits. He makes the trade off for more time with his family while limiting their quality of life. What he fails to understand is that the free ride may (will) someday end and he will find himself with no skills, no work history, and no means to provide if the state stops subsidizing him. He believes this day will never come, I think he is a fool and his children will likewise when they discover how much more difficult their future has been made by his choices now.

This is the mentality we face from many (but not all) in the entitlement-receiving crowd, which is now commanding a significant portion of the voting block. They feel entitled to these handouts and do not see any reasons this would end, as the generous politicians have helped themselves to the income of the productive in ever greater helpings to feed this growing maw of the lazy.
Those who truly need the help for a time but then sacrifice and work to return to self-sufficiency are the intended targets of our safety net. That behavior is to be commended, as we are all one terrible accident away from needing a helping hand for a time. But the moment it becomes a conscious choice to stay in that position despite other options, then that person has decided to become a drain on society for their own selfish ends; that is to be derided, scorned, and legally opposed however possible.

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:45 | 3074544 surf0766
surf0766's picture

He may be talking about this.

 

http://planbonestep.com/

 

 

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:46 | 3074546 buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

drama queen

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:45 | 3074549 gjp
gjp's picture

Plan 'false drama leading to false resolution' is working like a charm.  Gold flat or down, 'markets' racing, earn-nothing darlings AMZN and CRM up 15% + in a month.  No reality in sight.

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:47 | 3074555 dwdollar
dwdollar's picture

God help us if Boehner must fight a gun ban. He'll cave on everything.

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:51 | 3074568 Ralph Spoilsport
Ralph Spoilsport's picture

I've been thinking the same thing.

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:49 | 3074559 fuu
fuu's picture

Plan "Squeal Like A Pig" coming next week.

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:50 | 3074562 SKY85hawk
SKY85hawk's picture

Have any of you remembered who signed the Budget Control Act of 2011?

Obama signed it. 

That was his opportunity to honor his campaign pledge to tax the RICH.

His credibility would be much higher if he Vetoed the tax increases on the non-rich.

 

Boehner is moving the income level up to 400,000 looks like Obama caved on the 250,000 limit.

It's beginning to look like Boehner is more in control of the negotiations than the MSM give him credit for.

 

 

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 11:11 | 3074633 Hobbleknee
Hobbleknee's picture

The fake outcome was already decided and pre-recorded a long time ago.  Do you really think our overlords are going to work right up until Christmas?

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:52 | 3074572 azzhatter
azzhatter's picture

You don't have to look very hard to see why america is completely fucked. Does anyone not know someone more capable than Boner?Harry Reid? Biden? Maxine Waters? We have elected the lowest form of life to be our representatives and then we wonder why the outcome sucks

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:58 | 3074586 surf0766
surf0766's picture

It's the best of the baby boomer generation. Follow them the know the "Secret"

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 11:10 | 3074629 ZeroAvatar
ZeroAvatar's picture

SHHHHHHHH!  (Don't tell anybody, HERE's the SECRET:  YOU'RE a DOUCHEBAG!)

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 11:18 | 3074650 surf0766
surf0766's picture

I upset a baby boomer. I am happy now

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 11:31 | 3074688 Oldwood
Oldwood's picture

Its pretty simple isn't it. When you put someone else in charge they will pursue their own interests over yours. We elect them based on the hope that our interests align but it has become obviuos that is the not even close to the truth. Those on top of the heap want to stay there and they will lie and cheat and steal to do it. It is amazing that our government was supposed to be about preserving our liberties and is now about only money and power. We elect criminals to go to Washington to steal back the money that was stolen from us and then lament the number of thieves in government. How about all revenues come from sales taxes that are state generated, Then state governments pay taxes directly to the feds. Our represntatives then would be tasked with keeping our money at home rather than huge pork bills designed to extract out money out of the Fed's hands. The mora localized the control, the more accountability our representatives have to us. Acountability is the only thing that counts and we can pass all the laws in the world but with the monster of government we have today, nothing will ever come of them.

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:53 | 3074573 Oldwood
Oldwood's picture

 We will all soon be, if not already in chains. It used to be that they would get a deal for six dollars of cuts for each new one dollar in revenues but the cuts never happened. Then we "progressed" to three in cuts for each one of revenue, that again never happened and now we are at a one to one. This is such an unfunny joke. It is so blatant that is clear they don't give a damn about reality, only the perpetuation of the illusion that somehow, someone else will pay for it all. AS with gun issues, they will attempt to deal with the symptoms rather than causes, which will only make matters worse. This is not out of ignorance or arrogance but a matter of intent. The deliberate destruction of liberties that are the underpinning of our society in an effort to reorder, reconstitute and fundamentally change America into something different. It is obvious that many here are for a fundamental change and there is little doubt we have significant room for improvement, but to throw out the foundation of our society for some ethereal notion of peace and justice that has never existed seems mad beyond anything we have yet seen. It should be interesting.

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 11:13 | 3074635 sgorem
sgorem's picture

chained CPI, chained (un)employment, chained taxes, chained servitude.

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:59 | 3074591 pods
pods's picture

So the FED will only have to print 900 billion a year to fund the gov?

Sweet, problem sounds solved.  

pods

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 11:13 | 3074636 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

I guess I'm showing my age. I remember when a million dollars was a lot of money and billion was nearly inconceivable.

Now it's nothing more than a rounding error on the way to fiat nirvana.

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 12:15 | 3074856 pods
pods's picture

Wasn't it a million that flipped the score on Pac-Man?

pods

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 11:00 | 3074599 rsnoble
rsnoble's picture

I'd imagine the 200 transactions AND 20k a year threshold tax for Ebay will soon be lowered as well or at least have it's wording changed. Once they have their foot in the door it's all downhill.

There's just no satisfying the beasts hunger.

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 11:05 | 3074613 Hobbleknee
Hobbleknee's picture

There is no budget.  It's all just a game.  The Pentagon loses 2 trillion dollars, and no one bats an eye because it's all made up, and the "crisis" is a show that will magically be solved at the last second.  Oh the drama.

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 11:09 | 3074627 fsudirectory
fsudirectory's picture
I wish all of the Republican's in Congress mothers used Plan B, then we wouldn't have to deal with these clowns. 
Tue, 12/18/2012 - 11:11 | 3074631 Disenchanted
Disenchanted's picture

 

 

So let me get this straight...we're relying on a blubbering drunk and the magic house mulatto to bring us debt salvation?

 

Good luck with that...

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 11:18 | 3074652 sgorem
sgorem's picture

hey Dis', DON'T slander us drunks by comparing us to Bonehead!

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 11:20 | 3074657 Catullus
Catullus's picture

Send him a bill and let him veto a bill that lowers taxes on the middle class. Then say "we gave him both the tax cuts he wanted and the tax rates on the 'rich' he wanted. He vetoed it because he wanted to redefine 'rich'."

It's pretty obvious the democrats want to go after the upper middle class. Tax "justice", not prudent budgeting. Who's being led by ideology now?

Doesnt matter. There is no fiscal cliff. There is a currency crisis coming.

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 11:31 | 3074690 nah
nah's picture

Jom Boner

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 11:33 | 3074696 spanish inquisition
spanish inquisition's picture

If they keep printing, I say the odds of all of us winding up in the higher tax bracket is pretty good.

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 11:41 | 3074719 mendigo
mendigo's picture

they've agreed to split the baby
now can focus on more important things

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 12:25 | 3074900 Tombstone
Tombstone's picture

Call me when they get to plan X.  What are these clowns going to do when we really have a crisis?  We don't have to wait for an outcome; whatever they agree on for revenues will be pocket change and deficit spending is still going to at least $25 trillion by 2020.  Plan accordingly.

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 14:15 | 3075330 alangreedspank
alangreedspank's picture

400,000$ is wealthy ? Sure that's a lot of money, but that's not the wealthy I was thinking of... Jamie Dimon is WAY over that.

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