Boehner Headlines: Move To "Plan B"

Tyler Durden's picture

When the US has become the equivalent of a Eurogroup Belgian summit at 4 am, with interim red headlines the only market moving variable, all one can do is sit back and laugh. In the meantime, here are the obligatory headlines:

  • BOEHNER SAID TO BE MOVING TO `PLAN B' ON FISCAL CLIFF
  • BOEHNER SAID TO PLAN BILL WITH TAX HIKES ON INCOME OVER $1M
  • BOEHNER SAID TO CONTINUE NEGOTIATIONS WITH PRESIDENT OBAMA
  • HOUSE LEADERSHIP TO START WHIPPING VOTES ON "PROBABLY THREE DIFFERENT SCENARIOS" ON TAXES TODAY.

One wonders what Plan A was... Of course, Obama demanding $400,000 as the threshold, so we will by plan ZQX before this is all over. Perhaps it is time for Chained Employment to go alongside Chained CPI - just think of the savings? In the meantime, Obama's plan involves cutting spending at some point in the future, but first hiking it by $80 billion. We hope the Belgian caterers, made so filty rich thanks to an insolvent Europe, i) open a Constitution Avenue office, and ii) launch a 10x levered ETF.

Finally, for those confused what "Plan B" is, and why Boehner is moving there, here it is:

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crusty curmudgeon's picture

I'm proud not to be a boehner

I Am Not a Copper Top's picture

I HAVE a boehner.  That chick is hot.

Looney's picture

Another downgrade is coming. Only this time by all 3 R(etard)ating Agencies.

Looney

CPL's picture

Everyone is proud to not be that man.

 

He's on the shit list now.  The douche bag is paid to protect his voters.  We'll just have to remind them how useless he is to remove him is all, then they can shun him once his power is stripped from him.

 

I don't understand why these fools want to die alone and destroy their own families...for something as worthless as fiat.

azzhatter's picture

Boner ran unopposed in his district last year and still spent millions on re-election

CPL's picture

Time to make a candidate in his area then.  Anyone is better than...that.  This deserves an Anonymous OP.  Operation Sock puppet...  Take some guy off the street, give him cue cards, stick him in a suit.  Youtube channel and facebook/twitter blast every human being in his riding.  Whole thing should cost around 20k to rip him out of that chair and throw him on the street.

 

Boehner = worthless, weak, cowardly, pissant, sycophantic, silver spoon chewing fart catching twat.

 

 

Go Tribe's picture

Side by side, he's darker than obama.

CrashisOptimistic's picture

He's not on the shit list yet.

That only happens when this chained CPI stuff applies to GOVERNMENT AND MILITARY PENSIONS and btw CONGRESSIONAL PENSIONS as well as to Soc. Sec.

CPL's picture

No, he's proven himself worthless in every job he's been given and he's only been given about four in his life if you look at his CV.

If his job were to be the amazing cock gobbling twat then that would be great.  But it's not.  

He's in charge of the opposition and his party's conservative mandate.  If he wants to wear the big boy pants then he has to actually DO THE JOB HE"S PAID TO DO.  So yes, it's time to take the keys to the kingdom away from the twit before he causes more damage.

 

He's too old for organ donation, so he serves no function other than oxygen recycling at this moment in time because he's certainly not doing his job.  Lazy, lazy, lazy.

LongSoupLine's picture

Plan "B"utt fuck the middle class some more.

 

Fuck you you wimpering asshole.

GetZeeGold's picture

 

 

 

Hey....it ain't easy being a pussy. I have Institutional Syndrome....what's your excuse? Living behind these walls does things to a man.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Institutionalization_

 

 

If it's OK with you I'm going to have a cig and figure out how much more I can give to those guys....maybe squeeze in a tanning session if I'm lucky.

crusty curmudgeon's picture

Boehner to middle class:

Plan A:  Bend Over

Plan B:  BOHICA

We can all guess what plan C would look like.

ZeroAvatar's picture

Plan C:  COHIBA

 

Mission accomplished, taxpayers fucked, enjoy a stogey.

Lost Wages's picture

Plan Bee: Boehner releases a bunch of bees in the Oval Office.

dwdollar's picture

A mannequin would be a better negotiator than Boehner. At least it wouldn't budge.

Dr. Engali's picture

Boehner Head(line).. I see what you did there.

mckee's picture

They're throwing around a billion savings here or a billion in revenue here and it's all over a 10 year timeline. It's like my credit cards being $10,000 more than I can pay so I cancel my Netflix membership.

odatruf's picture

At least canceling your Netflix membership would be real savings. What they are doing is not going ahead with the plan to get Hulu + in addition to Netflix, meaning there are no real cuts as you or I understand what the words means. To them, a cut is not buying something new in addition to what they already buy.

 

88888's picture

Plan B?? Is this a joke. Looking for another +18 point day in the ES. All you can do is laugh at this point

Cognitive Dissonance's picture

What difference does it make? The world ends Friday.

<Is that Greenwhich Mean time or is it a rolling sunrise kinda end?>

/sarc......just in case it wasn't obvious. :)

Dr. Engali's picture

It better end....I haven't figured out what to get the Mrs. for Christmas.

 

Hey I'm a poet and don't realize it.

francis_sawyer's picture

I hope it doesn't end before happy hour starts ~ or do we get a hall pass for that day?...

Cognitive Dissonance's picture

I'm giving Mrs. Cog Gold and Silver Eagles. It seemed the right thing to do considering.

<My guru says we can take the PMs with us to the afterlife.>

fuu's picture

Radish seeds, don't forget the radish seeds.

Cognitive Dissonance's picture

Just checked with my guru for advice on the radish seeds. Bad news. He says that because of my radish obsession in this life unfortunately I'm coming back in the next as a radish.

<The good news is that Mrs. Cog is coming back as a hot sexy women (again) who loves radishes.>  :)

fuu's picture

At least it will be a short life, full of sun and rain. You'll be back on the wheel in no time.

ZeroAvatar's picture

My wife's getting a Dune Buggy......with GUN SCABBARDS!  She'll be so happy..................

the not so mighty maximiza's picture

They have to do all this complicated language acrobatics to get that dam debt ceiling raised.

Seorse Gorog from that Quantum Entanglement Fund. alright_.-'s picture

Is it pronounced 'Boner'?

Meatballs's picture

I sorta like 'Weeping Cheeto'.

francis_sawyer's picture

How about 'Blubbering Oompa Loompa'?

sgorem's picture

Boner happened to be designated as THE ORANGE MAN by one of our fellow ZHer's the other day. Quite apropo considering he uses orange tanning lotion and wears pink ties. I guess what I'm tryin to say here is, he's a fucking orange & pink scrotum sucking political clown.

Mitzibitzi's picture

Nah, you can eat a Weiner. You can't eat a Boehn... oh, wait!

falak pema's picture

income cliff height for hi-taxation bracket tug-of-war : 250 vs 400 vs 500 vs 1000 K.

What about capital gains or dividends, and taxation? 

will the defence spending come down big time as well as some of that entitlement gravy? 

If u throw in a photo like that plan B has a much deeper significance; and its down on all fours by the sounds of it. 

Now I know why DSK paid 6 million to his hotel maid; it was plan D! 

Spastica Rex's picture

You have to go to the theater next week to find out if Flash Gordon survives or not.

That's what my dad said.

Iam Yue2's picture

Rather than force a deal, as it may have done in the olden days, the tame and compliant new normal market has already priced a deal in.  It will be interesting to see what is going to happen when a deal is finally done.

PUD's picture

If Americans would only substitute road kill instead of beef and pick through dumpsters like the Spanish, there would be no inflation, we would save trillions and all would be well.

rsnoble's picture

Maybe boner should stfu and put the cocktail down for 5 minutes.  Imagine a career where you get paid millions, get drunk everyday and sit around and bitch while the whole country crumbles.

CrimsonAvenger's picture

I've got lots of experience with the second and third parts. Where do I send my resume?

 

crusty curmudgeon's picture

It may sound good, but if you have a conscience, I wouldn't put in my resume just yet:  you have to suck a lot of johnsons and give up your soul.

CPL's picture

If you live in his riding, I have a couple of suggestions considering he ran unopposed.

 

You would only need more than the 60000 voters in an area of millions to get his job.  The power of large numbers works in anyone's favor against such a tiny showing at the polls.

Pool Shark's picture

Other than the millions part, you just described ZeroHedge...

rsnoble's picture

I'm actually sitting here waiting for the liquor store to open wait for my comments here in a few hours.  Unless im still lost in the woods on my 4wheeler.

rsnoble's picture

Not that I agree with everything Lord Obama wants either.   

DosZap's picture

All you can do is laugh at this point

Nope, includes heading down to the Bank, and closing IRA's out before you pay an additional 10%,in taxation rates in 2013(on withdrawals),or MORE.

Obama has no intentions of  limiting these increases to Just $200/250k, the ceiling will be $50 a year before it's over.

One bite at a time, and he WANTS to go over the cliff, and blame it all on the GOP.