• Monetary Metals
    05/02/2016 - 01:28
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Boehner Headlines: Move To "Plan B"

Tyler Durden's picture




 

When the US has become the equivalent of a Eurogroup Belgian summit at 4 am, with interim red headlines the only market moving variable, all one can do is sit back and laugh. In the meantime, here are the obligatory headlines:

  • BOEHNER SAID TO BE MOVING TO `PLAN B' ON FISCAL CLIFF
  • BOEHNER SAID TO PLAN BILL WITH TAX HIKES ON INCOME OVER $1M
  • BOEHNER SAID TO CONTINUE NEGOTIATIONS WITH PRESIDENT OBAMA
  • HOUSE LEADERSHIP TO START WHIPPING VOTES ON "PROBABLY THREE DIFFERENT SCENARIOS" ON TAXES TODAY.

One wonders what Plan A was... Of course, Obama demanding $400,000 as the threshold, so we will by plan ZQX before this is all over. Perhaps it is time for Chained Employment to go alongside Chained CPI - just think of the savings? In the meantime, Obama's plan involves cutting spending at some point in the future, but first hiking it by $80 billion. We hope the Belgian caterers, made so filty rich thanks to an insolvent Europe, i) open a Constitution Avenue office, and ii) launch a 10x levered ETF.

Finally, for those confused what "Plan B" is, and why Boehner is moving there, here it is:

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Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:28 | 3074486 crusty curmudgeon
crusty curmudgeon's picture

I'm proud not to be a boehner

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:41 | 3074530 I Am Not a Copp...
I Am Not a Copper Top's picture

I HAVE a boehner.  That chick is hot.

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:46 | 3074551 azzhatter
azzhatter's picture

nice funbags on that chick

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:54 | 3074576 Looney
Looney's picture

Another downgrade is coming. Only this time by all 3 R(etard)ating Agencies.

Looney

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:44 | 3074540 CPL
CPL's picture

Everyone is proud to not be that man.

 

He's on the shit list now.  The douche bag is paid to protect his voters.  We'll just have to remind them how useless he is to remove him is all, then they can shun him once his power is stripped from him.

 

I don't understand why these fools want to die alone and destroy their own families...for something as worthless as fiat.

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:48 | 3074554 azzhatter
azzhatter's picture

Boner ran unopposed in his district last year and still spent millions on re-election

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:57 | 3074589 CPL
CPL's picture

Time to make a candidate in his area then.  Anyone is better than...that.  This deserves an Anonymous OP.  Operation Sock puppet...  Take some guy off the street, give him cue cards, stick him in a suit.  Youtube channel and facebook/twitter blast every human being in his riding.  Whole thing should cost around 20k to rip him out of that chair and throw him on the street.

 

Boehner = worthless, weak, cowardly, pissant, sycophantic, silver spoon chewing fart catching twat.

 

 

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:58 | 3074592 GMadScientist
GMadScientist's picture

All tanning product.

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 21:08 | 3077044 Go Tribe
Go Tribe's picture

Side by side, he's darker than obama.

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 11:15 | 3074640 CrashisOptimistic
CrashisOptimistic's picture

He's not on the shit list yet.

That only happens when this chained CPI stuff applies to GOVERNMENT AND MILITARY PENSIONS and btw CONGRESSIONAL PENSIONS as well as to Soc. Sec.

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 11:44 | 3074728 CPL
CPL's picture

No, he's proven himself worthless in every job he's been given and he's only been given about four in his life if you look at his CV.

If his job were to be the amazing cock gobbling twat then that would be great.  But it's not.  

He's in charge of the opposition and his party's conservative mandate.  If he wants to wear the big boy pants then he has to actually DO THE JOB HE"S PAID TO DO.  So yes, it's time to take the keys to the kingdom away from the twit before he causes more damage.

 

He's too old for organ donation, so he serves no function other than oxygen recycling at this moment in time because he's certainly not doing his job.  Lazy, lazy, lazy.

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:29 | 3074489 LongSoupLine
LongSoupLine's picture

Plan "B"utt fuck the middle class some more.

 

Fuck you you wimpering asshole.

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 11:07 | 3074507 GetZeeGold
GetZeeGold's picture

 

 

 

Hey....it ain't easy being a pussy. I have Institutional Syndrome....what's your excuse? Living behind these walls does things to a man.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Institutionalization_

 

 

If it's OK with you I'm going to have a cig and figure out how much more I can give to those guys....maybe squeeze in a tanning session if I'm lucky.

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:37 | 3074522 crusty curmudgeon
crusty curmudgeon's picture

Boehner to middle class:

Plan A:  Bend Over

Plan B:  BOHICA

We can all guess what plan C would look like.

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:55 | 3074578 ZeroAvatar
ZeroAvatar's picture

Plan C:  COHIBA

 

Mission accomplished, taxpayers fucked, enjoy a stogey.

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 11:14 | 3074637 Lost Wages
Lost Wages's picture

Plan Bee: Boehner releases a bunch of bees in the Oval Office.

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:30 | 3074493 dwdollar
dwdollar's picture

A mannequin would be a better negotiator than Boehner. At least it wouldn't budge.

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:31 | 3074496 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Boehner Head(line).. I see what you did there.

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:30 | 3074497 mckee
mckee's picture

They're throwing around a billion savings here or a billion in revenue here and it's all over a 10 year timeline. It's like my credit cards being $10,000 more than I can pay so I cancel my Netflix membership.

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 11:10 | 3074632 odatruf
odatruf's picture

At least canceling your Netflix membership would be real savings. What they are doing is not going ahead with the plan to get Hulu + in addition to Netflix, meaning there are no real cuts as you or I understand what the words means. To them, a cut is not buying something new in addition to what they already buy.

 

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:30 | 3074498 88888
88888's picture

Plan B?? Is this a joke. Looking for another +18 point day in the ES. All you can do is laugh at this point

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:33 | 3074500 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

What difference does it make? The world ends Friday.

<Is that Greenwhich Mean time or is it a rolling sunrise kinda end?>

/sarc......just in case it wasn't obvious. :)

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:34 | 3074509 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

It better end....I haven't figured out what to get the Mrs. for Christmas.

 

Hey I'm a poet and don't realize it.

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:42 | 3074535 francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

I hope it doesn't end before happy hour starts ~ or do we get a hall pass for that day?...

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:45 | 3074539 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

I'm giving Mrs. Cog Gold and Silver Eagles. It seemed the right thing to do considering.

<My guru says we can take the PMs with us to the afterlife.>

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:45 | 3074548 fuu
fuu's picture

Radish seeds, don't forget the radish seeds.

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:54 | 3074564 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

Just checked with my guru for advice on the radish seeds. Bad news. He says that because of my radish obsession in this life unfortunately I'm coming back in the next as a radish.

<The good news is that Mrs. Cog is coming back as a hot sexy women (again) who loves radishes.>  :)

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:58 | 3074590 fuu
fuu's picture

At least it will be a short life, full of sun and rain. You'll be back on the wheel in no time.

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 11:01 | 3074602 ZeroAvatar
ZeroAvatar's picture

My wife's getting a Dune Buggy......with GUN SCABBARDS!  She'll be so happy..................

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:32 | 3074501 the not so migh...
the not so mighty maximiza's picture

They have to do all this complicated language acrobatics to get that dam debt ceiling raised.

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:32 | 3074502 Seorse Gorog fr...
Seorse Gorog from that Quantum Entanglement Fund. alright_.-'s picture

Is it pronounced 'Boner'?

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:35 | 3074510 Jason T
Jason T's picture

Bay-ner

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:41 | 3074533 Meatballs
Meatballs's picture

I sorta like 'Weeping Cheeto'.

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:42 | 3074537 francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

How about 'Blubbering Oompa Loompa'?

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 11:06 | 3074619 sgorem
sgorem's picture

Boner happened to be designated as THE ORANGE MAN by one of our fellow ZHer's the other day. Quite apropo considering he uses orange tanning lotion and wears pink ties. I guess what I'm tryin to say here is, he's a fucking orange & pink scrotum sucking political clown.

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:41 | 3074529 crusty curmudgeon
crusty curmudgeon's picture

Well, Boehner beats Weiner.

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:50 | 3074565 Mitzibitzi
Mitzibitzi's picture

Nah, you can eat a Weiner. You can't eat a Boehn... oh, wait!

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 11:14 | 3074641 Meatballs
Meatballs's picture

He beats his Weiner alright.

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:37 | 3074504 falak pema
falak pema's picture

income cliff height for hi-taxation bracket tug-of-war : 250 vs 400 vs 500 vs 1000 K.

What about capital gains or dividends, and taxation? 

will the defence spending come down big time as well as some of that entitlement gravy? 

If u throw in a photo like that plan B has a much deeper significance; and its down on all fours by the sounds of it. 

Now I know why DSK paid 6 million to his hotel maid; it was plan D! 

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:44 | 3074542 Spastica Rex
Spastica Rex's picture

You have to go to the theater next week to find out if Flash Gordon survives or not.

That's what my dad said.

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:34 | 3074506 Iam Yue2
Iam Yue2's picture

Rather than force a deal, as it may have done in the olden days, the tame and compliant new normal market has already priced a deal in.  It will be interesting to see what is going to happen when a deal is finally done.

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:37 | 3074517 PUD
PUD's picture

If Americans would only substitute road kill instead of beef and pick through dumpsters like the Spanish, there would be no inflation, we would save trillions and all would be well.

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:38 | 3074519 rsnoble
rsnoble's picture

Maybe boner should stfu and put the cocktail down for 5 minutes.  Imagine a career where you get paid millions, get drunk everyday and sit around and bitch while the whole country crumbles.

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:41 | 3074531 CrimsonAvenger
CrimsonAvenger's picture

I've got lots of experience with the second and third parts. Where do I send my resume?

 

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:47 | 3074552 crusty curmudgeon
crusty curmudgeon's picture

It may sound good, but if you have a conscience, I wouldn't put in my resume just yet:  you have to suck a lot of johnsons and give up your soul.

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 11:04 | 3074612 CPL
CPL's picture

If you live in his riding, I have a couple of suggestions considering he ran unopposed.

 

You would only need more than the 60000 voters in an area of millions to get his job.  The power of large numbers works in anyone's favor against such a tiny showing at the polls.

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:49 | 3074558 Pool Shark
Pool Shark's picture

Other than the millions part, you just described ZeroHedge...

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 11:03 | 3074605 rsnoble
rsnoble's picture

I'm actually sitting here waiting for the liquor store to open wait for my comments here in a few hours.  Unless im still lost in the woods on my 4wheeler.

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:58 | 3074588 rsnoble
rsnoble's picture

Not that I agree with everything Lord Obama wants either.   

Tue, 12/18/2012 - 10:41 | 3074527 DosZap
DosZap's picture

All you can do is laugh at this point

Nope, includes heading down to the Bank, and closing IRA's out before you pay an additional 10%,in taxation rates in 2013(on withdrawals),or MORE.

Obama has no intentions of  limiting these increases to Just $200/250k, the ceiling will be $50 a year before it's over.

One bite at a time, and he WANTS to go over the cliff, and blame it all on the GOP.

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