Jingle Bells - The Fiscal Cliff Remix

Tyler Durden's picture

By DJ Matt King from Citigroup

Jingle bells (fiscal cliff remix)

Dancing on the edge
Of the looming fiscal cliff
Impossible to hedge
The politicians’ tiff.
It’s spending cuts we need
To cut the deficit
But taxes too must rise
That much is definite!

Fiscal cliff, fiscal cliff
Drama all the way!
Surely sense will soon prevail
And help them meet halfway? Hey!
Fiscal cliff, fiscal cliff
Washington at play
With Congress so polarized
Who knows which way they’ll sway?

Obama wants a rise
In tax rates for the rich
Yet Boehner’s compromise
Still can’t help decide which!
Republicans are bound
By Norquist’s famous pledge
There’s little common ground
Will we fall off the edge?

Fiscal cliff, fiscal cliff
Drama all the way!
Surely sense will soon prevail
And help them meet halfway? Hey!
Fiscal cliff, fiscal cliff
Washington at play
With Congress so polarized
Who knows which way they’ll sway?

On the spending side
The problem’s Medicare
We simply can’t provide
Now baby boomers have grey hair!
Republicans want cuts
A trillion, maybe more
But Democrats will not discuss
Their favourite candy store!

Fiscal cliff, fiscal cliff
Drama all the way!
Surely sense will soon prevail
And help them meet halfway? Hey!
Fiscal cliff, fiscal cliff
Washington at play
With Congress so polarized
Who knows which way they’ll sway?

The outlines of a deal
Are plain for all to see
No! False alarm! It’s been revealed
They’re going for Plan B!
This posturing is mad
And if that’s vetoed too
They’ll have to start a clean scratch pad
Unless there’s some breakthrough!

Fiscal cliff, fiscal cliff
Drama all the way!
Surely sense will soon prevail
And help them meet halfway? Hey!
Fiscal cliff, fiscal cliff
Washington at play
With Congress so polarized
Who knows which way they’ll sway?

Too late, we’ve fallen off
Let’s hope we bungee jump
Otherwise this trough
Will turn into a slump!
Hooray! The cliff’s been fixed
With short-term compromise
Too bad it’s in the abyss beyond
The real problem lies!

Fiscal cliff, fiscal cliff
Politics in play!
The only thing they have in mind
Is the next election day! Hey!
Fiscal cliff, fiscal cliff
Isn’t politics great?
They've left us now in such a mess
We’ve no choice but to inflate.

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I think I need to buy a gun's picture

HAPPY HANUKAH BEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Zer0head's picture

and I alway thought Henry Blodget was the 'jingle brains' behind Business Insider

Turns out this dude Kevin Ryan is the top dog there  - watch how Tom Keene sucks up and give him a de facto approval for use of BBG content


Fredo Corleone's picture

"DJ Matt King ?!"

Can't hold a candle to Run-D.M.C. and "Christmas in Hollis."

GetZeeGold's picture



Hi hoe, hi hoe......it's off the cliff we go.

Buckaroo Banzai's picture

Hanukah??? Ben's more concerned with Moloch, or Baal, or maybe even Gozer the Gozerian. Doubt he gives YHWH a second thought.

I am more equal than others's picture

Dashing through the dough
In a one party sleigh
O'er the cliff we go
Buying all the way
Hells bells are bout to ring
Making spirits dull

What fun it is to spend and spin
A disaster song today

Oh, jingle bells, bohner smells
Obama laid an egg

Oh, what fun it is to lie
to the public all the days, hey
Jingle bells, pelosi swells
Reid nays the day
Oh, what fun it is to die
In a one horse Mayian Apocalypse today

eclectic syncretist's picture

The FedGov against truth built a wall,
which will eventually precipitate a great fall.
All the King's horses, And all the King's men
Won't be able to put it together again!

CheapBastard's picture

 Looting: Border Guards deployed to Bariloche


Cabinet Chief Juan Manuel Abal Medina announced yesterday that four hundred Border Guards were deployed to Bariloche, in Río Negro province, following the violent looting that took place in several local supermarkets on Thursday afternoon.

At least 50 masked people showing long sticks broke into two supermarkets in San Carlos de Bariloche, Río Negro province claiming food and goods for Christmas unleashing a morning of riots....





Waterfallsparkles's picture

I think that with the Market down so much ahead of Christmas that it could effect Retailers.  How many will not go out this weekend to spend Money with their Stocks in the Tank?

AU5K's picture

Rarely ever do I post a link, but this is so clearly defines the problem.


LouisDega's picture

John Lennon he is not

Jack of All Trades's picture

CHOOMMander in Chief will think of a solution once he gets to Hawaii

Buckaroo Banzai's picture

He'll blaze one up, and come up with the same solution he always does: Fuck the Haole.

notadouche's picture

Damned Mayans.  I had truly hoped they were right.  No wonder they aren't around anymore.  They are no better than the average stock pundit on CNBC

Dr. Engali's picture

Well actually there are about 7 million Mayans still alive today.

Agent P's picture

Poor bastards aren't going to know what day it is come tomorrow.

Canucklehead's picture

Actually, the true date is in a couple of weeks.  If you follow the Ukrainian Mayan calendar the end of the world should fall 2 weeks after the date given for the Gregorian calendar.

So, we have a couple of weeks to go.

Merry Christmas.

Dr. Engali's picture

I noticed there wasn't anything about money going to the bankers.

buzzsaw99's picture

jingle bells

boehner smells

bernaked laid an egg

oh what fun it is to spend

a one whore's bonus pay

buzzsaw99's picture

the cops won't do it. he should personally go door to door when it comes time to confiscate

Agent P's picture

"door to door" implies he would make it past the first one.

Buckaroo Banzai's picture

Are you shitting me? The cops will damned well do exactly what they are told to do. After all, they don't want to face the one thing in the world they are most in terror of:

Losing their bloated pensions.

fuu's picture

Or being on the other side of the thin line with the other riff-raff civies.

pods's picture

More "hunters" BS.  In their heart they really know why the people are stacking weapons.

And that is EXACTLY why they are trying to get rid of them.


ugmug's picture

Lets Face the Facts - Americans have all become entitlement junkies.



Eally Ucked's picture

The whole my fucken life I paid for the so called ENTITLEMENTS, now some assholes who import cheap labor to do slave jobs for them (and claim some support from govs to subsidize them) tells me to fuck off and die, or beg.

ugmug's picture

I include the corporate 'Ivy League' mafia as entitlement junkies as well.



Eally Ucked's picture

That sounds a bit better. America  has problems and the biggest of them all are wars! The next in line are thieves on high level of govs and business.  100 or 200$ to those who need help is nothing in comparison with those 2 I mentioned above. 

mdtrader's picture

How long before the politicians drop a nugget of a new deal into the markets to give the algos an orgasm?

Ralph Spoilsport's picture

A classic from 1958 by Stan Freberg:


"Christmas comes but once a year,

so you better make hay while the snow is falling

That's opportunity calling"

westerman's picture

The Mayans made a false assumption. They thought our new years would be on the winter equinox and not on an artificially chosen date. They where right about the end of the world. On New Years the US economy will blow.

holdbuysell's picture

Nice Jingle, making a total mockery out of the US' Finest 535.

Ironically, I'm not sure if this makes more a mockery out of them or those who voted them in.

Atlantis Consigliore's picture

Entitlement junkies?   lirars crooks FED heads,obamaphones, Pimps. whores and Bengazigate headaches;


where to you go to get out of here? where to?   Europe piss?   LOL.  Vive Cleausseau, let him head the CFTC-SEC.

Parliament of Whores.

The Gooch's picture

I smell circuit breakers

rsnoble's picture

Damn, how would you like to be cramped up in this tiny space with this gal:



While the idea is fairly cool---not getting dragged into debt with a mortgage etc the idea is far from novel:


I could've saved the bitch $5k and lot of work.

Lewshine's picture

What happen with the futures market? One second before the open the Dow futures were down 220 pts., Market opens at max 145 pts down. What the hell happened to the other 80 points, or 30 billion in market cap?? Was it swallowed by the Norad Fed algos at the open?? POOF baby!!

fuu's picture

<-- HAL9000/SKYNET

<-- William Dudley.

rsnoble's picture

What's wrong did you push "short" instead of "buy" at the open? LOL.

gaoptimize's picture

Tried to sing the first stanza, and last line didn't work.  How about "They're printing to inflate".

Jake88's picture

very interesting, but stupid

orangegeek's picture

As you must realize, there aren’t too many words with the versatility of fuck, as in these examples describing situation such as:

Fraud: I got fucked at the used car lot.
Dismay: Ah, fuck it.
Trouble: I guess I’m really fucked now.
Aggression: Don’t fuck with me buddy!
Difficulty: I don’t understand this fucking question
Inquiry: Who the fuck was that?
Dissatisfaction: I don’t like what the fuck is going on here
Incompetence: He’s a fuckoff
Dismissal: Why don’t you go outside and play hide and go fuck yourself?



LouisDega's picture

This is James Lord Pierpont speaking from the grave....Please dont fuck with my song