Jingle Bells - The Fiscal Cliff Remix

Tyler Durden's picture

By DJ Matt King from Citigroup

Jingle bells (fiscal cliff remix)

Dancing on the edge
Of the looming fiscal cliff
Impossible to hedge
The politicians’ tiff.
It’s spending cuts we need
To cut the deficit
But taxes too must rise
That much is definite!

Fiscal cliff, fiscal cliff
Drama all the way!
Surely sense will soon prevail
And help them meet halfway? Hey!
Fiscal cliff, fiscal cliff
Washington at play
With Congress so polarized
Who knows which way they’ll sway?

Obama wants a rise
In tax rates for the rich
Yet Boehner’s compromise
Still can’t help decide which!
Republicans are bound
By Norquist’s famous pledge
There’s little common ground
Will we fall off the edge?

Fiscal cliff, fiscal cliff
Drama all the way!
Surely sense will soon prevail
And help them meet halfway? Hey!
Fiscal cliff, fiscal cliff
Washington at play
With Congress so polarized
Who knows which way they’ll sway?

On the spending side
The problem’s Medicare
We simply can’t provide
Now baby boomers have grey hair!
Republicans want cuts
A trillion, maybe more
But Democrats will not discuss
Their favourite candy store!

Fiscal cliff, fiscal cliff
Drama all the way!
Surely sense will soon prevail
And help them meet halfway? Hey!
Fiscal cliff, fiscal cliff
Washington at play
With Congress so polarized
Who knows which way they’ll sway?

The outlines of a deal
Are plain for all to see
No! False alarm! It’s been revealed
They’re going for Plan B!
This posturing is mad
And if that’s vetoed too
They’ll have to start a clean scratch pad
Unless there’s some breakthrough!

Fiscal cliff, fiscal cliff
Drama all the way!
Surely sense will soon prevail
And help them meet halfway? Hey!
Fiscal cliff, fiscal cliff
Washington at play
With Congress so polarized
Who knows which way they’ll sway?

Too late, we’ve fallen off
Let’s hope we bungee jump
Otherwise this trough
Will turn into a slump!
Hooray! The cliff’s been fixed
With short-term compromise
Too bad it’s in the abyss beyond
The real problem lies!

Fiscal cliff, fiscal cliff
Politics in play!
The only thing they have in mind
Is the next election day! Hey!
Fiscal cliff, fiscal cliff
Isn’t politics great?
They've left us now in such a mess
We’ve no choice but to inflate.