Time To IPO The Fed?

Tyler Durden's picture

Forget Facebook; Bob Pisani would be cock-a-hoop. Imagine the euphoria and excitement from a Fed IPO? What better way for the rich to get even richer than to buy shares in the world's most profitable hedge fund. And for those saying this is preposterous and that central banks should never trade publicly we bring you exhibit A: The Bank of Japan



We do note that since Abe's re-election, the BoJ's share price has risen a magnificent 37% (still think a Fed IPO is bad idea? - just think what fun the algos would have with it?)

8301.JP - Description:

The Bank of Japan serves as Japan's central bank who seeks to maintain price stability and to ensure the stability of the nation's financial system.  The Bank issues and maintains bills, executes monetary policy, acts as clearing house for nation's banks, administrates treasury, issues government bonds, intervenes foreign exchange markets, and provides economic data and statistics.


Use of Proceeds: Pay Down Debt? Cover MtM Losses? Finance expansive vol selling?

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edb5s's picture

Fuck you, Bernanke!

TheFourthStooge-ing's picture

IPO the Fed? They'd be bucking the trend if they did. The POTUS, SCOTUS, and congress are all traded OTC.

TumblingDice's picture

I'm thinking of starting a small business managing government contracts for scooter chair manufacturers. Which Congressman is right for me?

Antifaschistische's picture

There are a number of congressional members who are the de facto leaders of Parasite Nation.  I'd start with Shiela Jackson Lee.  She leads tens of thousand of PN members in Houston.  Many of them are already scootersites.  Very heavy scootersites with the extra-wide units.

These 'determined to never have to walk again please pass the mac & cheese' also dominate the blue parking spaces in most mall parking lots.

icanhasbailout's picture

I'm thinking if there's an Ultrashort ETF on their credibility that would be a sweet long term investment.

edb5s's picture

Obligatory clever ticker symbol for the ultrashort:  FYB

Angus McHugepenis's picture

LOL @ FourthStooge... brilliant, but I think you made one error. They trade UTC (under the counter).

The term "IPO" will soon become associated with the full phrase, "I'm Pissed Off"!... (and sick of being raped by banksters and Suckerbergers, etc).

Does anyone here foresee a day where the stock market becomes nothing more than a fake reality TV show that we all watch and laugh at because it has nothing to do with us and no bearing on our day-to-day survivial? A day when only HFTs do battle for stock supremecy and anyone with any money left has completely abandoned the ulitimate stock market ponzi?

SokPOTUS's picture

That is a *fantastic* comment....

Al Gorerhythm's picture


The Bank of Japan serves as Japan's central bank who seeks to maintain price stability and to ensure the stability of the nation's financial system.  The Bank issues and maintains bills, executes monetary policy, acts as clearing house for nation's banks, administrates treasury, issues government bonds, intervenes foreign exchange markets, and provides economic data and statistics.

The worst and most poorly executed Mission Statement of all time.

WTFUD's picture

For BOJ read Federal Reserve part 2!
My oh my there was a time when the Nips would swallow or jump than take one up the ass.

"Don't it make your brown eyes blue"

Mr Banzai would luv to communicate with you ( can provide investment). thinking our first project could be " Johnboy Jowles McCain" sat seated in a tent on Bunker Hill turkey interviewing prospective Freedom Fighters (sarc) for Syria/Iran. Name? Ali Muhamadou Bin There. Experience? Suicidal Bomber. You know Mel Brooks Blazing Saddles.


ball-and-chain's picture

You're just jealous.

Gentle Ben went to Princeton.

Plus his man-tits are delicious.

Playa hater.


CPL's picture

Trading fantasy financials with fiat money in the dream of capitalism.


Awesome.  Bring it.  If it disappears, nobody will care.  It was only a passing thought.

Manthong's picture

We just need to mandate that the pension funds hold a certain percentage of the equity.

Heh heh..

CPL's picture

LOL...cruel and direct.  I like it.

TheFourthStooge-ing's picture


We just need to mandate that the pension funds hold a certain percentage of the equity.

That will happen automatically when pension funds are subsumptively absorbed by FRAUDDC, the Federal Retirement Annuity Underwriting, Distribution, and Disbursement Corporation, more commonly known as Frauddy Dick.

ShortTheUS's picture

Change IPO to END and you have my support!

Water Is Wet's picture

Do they sell apps?  custom teddy bears?  burritos?  I only invest in companies that produce something.

TumblingDice's picture

Careful, we don't want the company in charge of the public's monies to become public. Next thing you know the most important economic decisions might end up being made by elected officials and goodness knows those decisions have to be made by somebody other than you!

On the plus side tho: more lawyers.

Cdad's picture

LoL!  Only Tyler Durden...ONLY HE...could come up with that one.  Hat tip, sir.  Absolutely, the perfect Christmas gift!

knukles's picture

Long ago in England, a civil kindly pace several eons ago, I had wanted dearly to marry Princess Anne.  Not that I loved or cared for her at all.  In fact, I'd never even seen her up close, real time.  In fact, I'd never even seen her other than on the telly of the front page of one of the rags.  Just figured that if she married me then I'd have a pretty good chance what with me being me in my younger more "dynamic" days, probably being cloistered, well banished more like it, to some castle in Scotland to maintain a sense of serenity amongst the family, consuming copious amounts of odd substances, running about in a kilt, discharging firearms day and night and only God knows what else the lunatic fringe of the Knuk might conjure up for amusement....
But alas and alack, she took no notice of me.
And as a man ages and matures, regrets simply become recognition of lost opportunities and winsome memories... especially the consideration that as a "member" of the Royal Family, I'd probably have some sort of surreptitious access to via the silent partial ownership of the Bank of England.
Friends in the City, access to the olde records of Sir Issac Newton, honorary degrees bestowed upon by the College of the Most Holy and Undivided Trinity on the River Cam... ah, the life....
But see, then the idea of participating in an IPO of the Fed would loose attraction.
And rightfully so... for on the one hand, ownership of an institution able to print fiat at will is attractive.  On the other, such institution being staffed with governmental bureaucrats and whose mandate is Wholly Dependent Upon a Relationship with Congress is Entirely Another.

formadesika3's picture

But knuks, surely it must have occurred to you that when the princess kissed you, you'd still be knuks. Surely that must have entered your calculations.

Angus McHugepenis's picture

Great Caesars Ghost!... for a minute there I thought your were seriously starting to write HarleKnukles Romance books... until I got to the last sentence where I was bitch-slapped back to reality.

knukles's picture

Damn... I'd actually thought of the dear Princess doing that to me, too....
How'd you know?
She been telling you about this stuff?
And all the while....

Angus McHugepenis's picture

My edumacashun only extends to what I read in HarleKnukles Romanze bookz. For everything else I plead the 5th. Please leave me alone and tell the Princess to stop beating me.

Winston Churchill's picture

In private she can swear so well a squaddie would blush.

Oversexed as well,from a source that knows.

Sure your up to it.

Angus McHugepenis's picture

Can't be Will providing the oversexed part. Whom might it be? And who is the "squaddie" coughing up the dirt?

Essential Nexus's picture

I'm fairly sure its private owners don't want to give up control.

knukles's picture

Manic laughter

Yes, would be expropriation of private assets.
But then again, the senior debt holders of GM and Chrysler might have a bit to mention with respect thereto, no?

And who better to screw to appease the restless masses.....
T'would have to be more QE's to offset the bankers losses, which no doubt would be tax deductible, or gains from ownership aty IPO be deemed tax free....

Such is the life of the kleptocrats.

JKearney3153's picture

I can imagine this would be a great opportunity for TPTB to get some quick cash before they jump ship to their retirement homes in the Cayman Islands. Or is this some other opportunity for some high and mighty, unseen puppeteer to completely and utterly hose everyone with a pulse? This can't possibly end well.....

buzzsaw99's picture

You don't buy me out, I buy you out. [/Moe Green]

OneTinSoldier66's picture

How about an IPO of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac? Or are they just a permanent part of the Federal Government's "conservatorship" of the economy now?

CPL's picture

Island of misfit financial offerings.

Caviar Emptor's picture

After the IPO, it would be announced that Buffet controls 51%. And that would close the loop on ull control. 

Element's picture

nancy should have been sec-state

missed another golden opportunity for global-healing there big-ears!

Downtoolong's picture

One vast and ecumenical holding company
For whom all men will work to serve a common profit
In which all men will hold a share of stock
All necessities provided
All anxieties tranquilized
All boredom amused

Network, 1976

Unfortunately, we all know how this ends for Howard Beale, the voice and spirit of the common man. He gets sacrificed on the altar, takes five slugs to the chest in a blaze of gunfire, and dies.

jack stephan's picture

This is so far gone by now, it matters very little.


NoDebt's picture

Ummmm....... I'll take a pass on that just the same, thanks.  Why invest in an entity that could self-re-capitalize (did I just say that??) any time it choses, immediately diluting (to the point of wiping out) any present equity holders?

Great idea, terrible investment.  I think I'll buy some TSYs.  Yeah, that's much better!


Jiiins's picture

The Swiss National Bank has been trading for some time: http://uk.finance.yahoo.com/echarts?s=SNBN.SW


dunce's picture

I would call it ponzi rehypothecafation, it may be just a lot of bad debt on the balance sheet. How much should any buyer discount it? Besides finding a buyer or buyers, bigger fool theory?

Urban Redneck's picture

The FaceFuck IPO fools could certainly use a Fed IPO to prove that even bigger fools than themselves actually exist...