Brits Counter-Petition: Keep Piers Morgan, We Don't Want Him Back

Tyler Durden's picture

Just as we warned in our previous discussion, the Brits, concerned that the dreaded Piers Morgan may be forcefully removed from the USA, have now lodged their own petition. With over half the signatures required, the counter-petition to Home Secretary Theresa May begs her to: Stop Piers Morgan From Being Deported Back To The UK From America... "We got rid of him once and why should we have to suffer again. The Americans wanted him so they should put up with him. We washed our hands of him a long time ago." They do have a point. We hear Belize has a quietly-used compound going cheap?


Click image below for link to petition...



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Flakmeister's picture

Sell him to the lowest bidder...

Stoploss's picture

My, how quickly we go from 'bad ass" to "no ass" LOLOL!!!

francis_sawyer's picture

Send him to Gilligan's Island...'s picture

No phones, no lights, no firearms...

francis_sawyer's picture

...not a single luxury [except for Ginger & Mary Ann ~ which he wouldn't be interested in anyway]...

Slightly Insane's picture

no crapper, no toilet paper, a shitload of parasites and mosquitoes .... sorta sounds like Detroit in the summer.

jmcadg's picture

Yes we hate him over here, the smarmy fuck.

Ignatius's picture

I believe it's the Brits who came up with the term "wanker"... good show, old boy.

And if I'm not mistaken it was a young American sailor, whose name is now lost in history, who came up with "wank-o-rama".

Piers Morgan is a 'wanker' in the MSM 'wank-o-rama'....

spentCartridge's picture

... good show, old bean.


Fixed :)

Stuck on Zero's picture

The Brits aren't finished yet.  This just out:

A&E doctors are calling for a ban on long pointed kitchen knives to reduce deaths from stabbing.

A team from West Middlesex University Hospital said violent crime is on the increase - and kitchen knives are used in as many as half of all stabbings.

They argued many assaults are committed impulsively, prompted by alcohol and drugs, and a kitchen knife often makes an all too available weapon.

The research is published in the British Medical Journal.

The researchers said there was no reason for long pointed knives to be publicly available at all.

They consulted 10 top chefs from around the UK, and found such knives have little practical value in the kitchen.

None of the chefs felt such knives were essential, since the point of a short blade was just as useful when a sharp end was needed.

The researchers said a short pointed knife may cause a substantial superficial wound if used in an assault - but is unlikely to penetrate to inner organs.


In contrast, a pointed long blade pierces the body like "cutting into a ripe melon".

The use of knives is particularly worrying amongst adolescents, say the researchers, reporting that 24% of 16-year-olds have been shown to carry weapons, primarily knives.

The study found links between easy access to domestic knives and violent assault are long established.

French laws in the 17th century decreed that the tips of table and street knives be ground smooth.

A century later, forks and blunt-ended table knives were introduced in the UK in an effort to reduce injuries during arguments in public eating houses.

The researchers say legislation to ban the sale of long pointed knives would be a key step in the fight against violent crime.

"The Home Office is looking for ways to reduce knife crime.

"We suggest that banning the sale of long pointed knives is a sensible and practical measure that would have this effect."

Government response

Home Office spokesperson said there were already extensive restrictions in place to control the sale and possession of knives.

"The law already prohibits the possession of offensive weapons in a public place, and the possession of knives in public without good reason or lawful authority, with the exception of a folding pocket knife with a blade not exceeding three inches.

"Offensive weapons are defined as any weapon designed or adapted to cause injury, or intended by the person possessing them to do so.

"An individual has to demonstrate that he had good reason to possess a knife, for example for fishing, other sporting purposes or as part of his profession (e.g. a chef) in a public place.

"The manufacture, sale and importation of 17 bladed, pointed and other offensive weapons have been banned, in addition to flick knives and gravity knives."

A spokesperson for the Association of Chief Police Officers said: "ACPO supports any move to reduce the number of knife related incidents, however, it is important to consider the practicalities of enforcing such changes."

TruthInSunshine's picture

Don't fret. They're only going to restrict sales (and confiscate) evil, assault knives.

The plain ole' serated and fillet knives are safe (for now).

mjcOH1's picture

There has to be a more practical solution.   Maybe just remove everyone's thumbs at birth.

MeelionDollerBogus's picture

wow. And now I shall marvel at your forethought on the matter.

lincolnsteffens's picture

GB has twice the rate of violence as a percentage of the population as the US does. Big knives to be regulated soon. Next they will be banning large two pronged roast meat forks. Eventually they will get around to regulating sewing needle length.


Jreb's picture

Don't forget pitch forks, torches and lengths of rope greater than about 8 feet.

MeelionDollerBogus's picture

What do these fuckin' wankers know? Any bloddy sensible twat knows ye ought to ban focking KITCHENS. No kitchens, no kitchen knives! Bloddy pikers


Freddie's picture

Can we send Madonna back with him?  She can go back with her fake English accent and weird a*s brood of kids, her young latino boyfriends and her STDs.

I bet her Brit ex-hubby (Guy Ritchie) must laugh his arse off everyday for taking that evil bi*ch to the cleaners.  Living with her and sleeping with her (gag) would be worse than the Bataan Death March.

He should get a knighthood or OBE for living with her for as long as he did.  It would be like surviving the Bubonic Plague.

Madonna is another lefty gun grabber who has many armed body guards.



caimen garou's picture

put him on a fast boat to china!

JustObserving's picture

But, but, but .. a man with a clipped British accent has to be intelligent.  Can he not be a chauffeur to the Queen or walk her corgis?

mjcOH1's picture

"Can he not be a chauffeur to the Queen or walk her corgis?"

Is there an order of the Royal Pooper Scooper and General Cock Sucker back east?

Winston Churchill's picture

Rumor has it thats he not allowed around animals, and small children.

Loves them too much ,cough cough..

Freddie's picture

Oh in that case he would fit right in at The BBC.   The leftist BBC is known for employing child molesters and covering up for them as well.'s picture


But, but, but .. a man with a clipped British accent has to be intelligent.


I always felt that Mr. French was trustworthy and competent. Based entirely on the accent, of course.

Freddie's picture

Madonna has a clipped English accent and STDs.  She is a gun banner as well. F her.

Shizzmoney's picture

Reminds me of this British Arsenal fan who was at my friends' house watching Spurs/Gunner game during a halftime on Fox Soccer Sports Saturday (where Piers is one of the commentators, for being an Arsenal supporter):

Arsenal fan: "Piers is doing color commentary?  That guy is a huge twat!"

Me: "He is......but hey, at least he's (I'm ready to say a supporter of Arsenal):"

Arsenal fan: "Still a huge twat?"

Wakanda's picture

Split the difference - leave him in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean.

Cthonic's picture

The Azores are too nice for him.

mjcOH1's picture

Strapped to a whale with a depth charge up his ass.

jmcadg's picture

Strapped to a depth charge, with a whale up his arse :)

A Nanny Moose's picture

Why would you want to torture/harm a whale in such a manner?

spentCartridge's picture

Yeah, the depth charge will do it all of its' own.

mjcOH1's picture

Some things are best not left to chance.   Fat floats.  

e_goldstein's picture

not if it is wearing cement shoes.

mjcOH1's picture

I stand humbled by your forethought.

jmcadg's picture

i was thinking of the London Whale ;)

Wakanda's picture

Sea Shepard would be on it for cruelty to sea life.  I won't mess with Paul Watson.

Shigure's picture

Thanks guys, that thread made me laugh so loud, it woke up my daughter and now we are both laughing so much it hurts :)

caimen garou's picture

I think the sharks would start their own petition

thisandthat's picture

Antartida - they claimed some part of it by naming it after that old hag, their queen, they're gonna need a governor for the place.

dexter_morgan's picture

Make him forcibly live in central Texas!

Freddie's picture

No - West Texas.  A real sh**hole like Odessa.

Folks - if you watch any Tv or any Hollywood s**t then you support it and support these ****ers trying to disarm you.  Wake up.

e_goldstein's picture

I was thinking East Texas. He would end up getting gang raped by inbred swamp folk; but then again he may like that too much.

merizobeach's picture

Why bother to try to draw distinctions about places in Texas?  The entire place is one of the shittiest holes on this earth.

Well, maybe I should take it back: I've never been to Kyle Bass' ranch/compound.  With all the guns and toys, there may be some fun to be had there.  Just don't talk to any of the locals but Kyle or you'll learn what an unanesthetized lobotomy feels like.

Rogue Trooper's picture

Encourage him defend his views in say South Carolina, and meet some of the Gid and Gun Toothless Folk in some bayou and see how things play out...

Bring a Bango Peirs!


Oh Hell no

That asshole would feel welcome in Austin. Putting him in Austin would be like putting Corzine in charge of the Treasury

Take him to College Station and tie him to a tree in front of the MSC and make him watch the Aggie Corp ( not to be confused with Corps Man President Dip Shit) walk into Kyle field with the band playing the theme from Patton. That would be too much for that libtard



escargot's picture

Oh fuck Piers Morgan.  Seriously.  I'm sure he loves all the attention he's getting, whether it's positive or negative.  We need to stop paying any attention to him at all.  In a perfect world, if someone heard that a CNN host was yapping about the Constitution, everyone would say "what's CNN?"

mjcOH1's picture

"Oh fuck Piers Morgan.  Seriously.  I'm sure he loves all the attention he's getting, whether it's positive or negative.  We need to stop paying any attention to him at all.  In a perfect world, if someone heard that a CNN host was yapping about the Constitution, everyone would say "what's CNN?""


Once upon a time he could have gotten all of the attention he wanted coated with tar and his ass strapped to a rail.   Feathers for saying 'God save the queen' while bitching about how it was time for the colonies to dispense with the bill or rights.  

Fine idea old chap.   Consider citizenship next time.  Now go the fuck home and earn a living there.

NotApplicable's picture

I've been trying to figure out just how anyone considers this to be negative towards him in the least bit, as all it is doing is affirming his victim-complex, which further empowers his attention whoring (that's ego-stroking squared, my friends).

It's as if all of a sudden people have forgotten how divide and conquer works by getting caught up in the script.

Are advertisers pulling out of his show quicker than new ones get on his bandwagon? Not that I've seen.

You want smug? Go look at his twitter page, and you'll see nothing but. I just love how he is displaying his picture with the royal couple, the Obummers, even though he's of the supposed watch-dog class.