Where The "Rise Above" Farce Ends, "Come Together" Begins

Tyler Durden's picture


Just because CNBC's ridiculous "Rise Above" campaign has ended in abysmal failure (because who could have possibly imagined that the pin is not mightier than the utter dysfunction that is America's Congress), does not mean that other companies besides the Comcast-GE JV can't try their hands at an advertising campaign that piggybacks on politics. Sure enough, here is the company that an infamous movie made famous as Planet Starbucks, making a desperate plea to its readers to please "come together", think of the children, and "fix the debt." The same Starbucks that apparently had no such qualms as recently as a few months ago when it was revealed that the same company paid virtually no taxes in the UK, thereby quite directly contributing to "unfixing the debt."

Starbucks full page ad in the WaPo urging readers to "come together" and "fix the debt":

Because, you know, without Starbucks' sage advice, the US would never figure out it has a debt problem.

And now one wonders: just how much tax, not for GAAP purposes, but for purely IRS purposes, has the global tax "evading" company paid in its US jurisdictions? Because after all the first step to "fixing the debt" supposedly involves not printing more money, but paying your taxes (depending on who one listens to).

We are confident the coffee brewing company will be delighted to see its corporate cash pay (not the one used for EPS calculations, but the real one) tax rate hiked to Venti levels in order to do just what it so righftully demagogues.

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Thu, 12/27/2012 - 10:43 | 3098709 Shizzmoney
Shizzmoney's picture

I bought a coffee in London the other day at a Starbucks and wrote on the pound I gave to the barista:


Thu, 12/27/2012 - 10:45 | 3098710 GetZeeGold
GetZeeGold's picture



....or face a stern reprimand from Warren Buffett.

Thu, 12/27/2012 - 10:49 | 3098729 Shizzmoney
Shizzmoney's picture

Who will take the money from those taxes and buy preferred Bank of America shares with them. 

Thu, 12/27/2012 - 11:01 | 3098780 Raymond K Hessel
Raymond K Hessel's picture

Way off topic, but is anyone watching Squawk this morning?  Rick is losing his shit all over the place!!

Thu, 12/27/2012 - 11:07 | 3098793 GetZeeGold
GetZeeGold's picture




Thu, 12/27/2012 - 12:27 | 3099057 catacl1sm
catacl1sm's picture

"Barista", is that Dickweed speak for "college graduate who can only get a part-time job making fucking coffee"?

Thu, 12/27/2012 - 14:06 | 3099372 knukles
knukles's picture

1.) Yes. 
2.)  Fuck you Starbucks, all I want is my coffee and none of YOUR poiltical horseshit views.

Like watching a Barbara Streisand concert where 78% of the time is her political views.

Thu, 12/27/2012 - 10:53 | 3098748 Raymond K Hessel
Raymond K Hessel's picture


I say don't pay your taxes.  Starve the beast.  

How else will this Thing of Theirs (Le Costra Loro) ever shut down?! 

The less taxes paid, the more stringent the rules. 

The more stringent the rules, the more likely it will rouse the people to wake up, stand up, and fight!!!

Thu, 12/27/2012 - 11:01 | 3098781 Cursive
Cursive's picture

@Raymond K Hessel

Your point is well-taken, the problem is that no one likes hypocrisy and Starbucks jumped the Hypocrisy Shark (at least 12 stories tall) with this shitty ad. 

Thu, 12/27/2012 - 11:05 | 3098789 Shizzmoney
Shizzmoney's picture

It's a nad-kick level in so many ways.

Thu, 12/27/2012 - 11:10 | 3098809 Raymond K Hessel
Raymond K Hessel's picture

I'm not sure how he's being hypocritic...

Don't most CEOs of publicly listed companies want this done?  

Isn't Howie acting within the parameters we'd expect him to act?

Thu, 12/27/2012 - 11:40 | 3098926 Cursive
Cursive's picture

@Raymond K Hessel

Within the parameters we'd expect?  Not my parameters, brother.  Not by a fucking long shot.  Don't give me this equivicational bullshit of "you'd do it too, if you could."  Because I wouldn't.  I don't expect people to take advantage of a situation.  I expect people to act with respect for the law and respect for others. This is why there is ugliness in the world.  Good people have to put up with asshats and when the good people have enough of asshattery, the real violence begins.  Go ahead, asshats, make my fucking day.

Thu, 12/27/2012 - 23:23 | 3100691 Raymond K Hessel
Raymond K Hessel's picture

I don't approve either but I just don't think he's being hypocritical.  

I feel like Inygo Montoyo right now...

Thu, 12/27/2012 - 11:18 | 3098836 CPL
CPL's picture

In a situation of attrition the most powerful move any group can do is mirror the actions of their opponent while playing.  

In chess it's used to bring out sloppy mistakes and create a game apathy in your opponent, drives them to risk attempting bold and usually sloppy game play at the cost of their own pieces on the board.  As the game winds on, mirroring your opponent brings the opportunity to add options to your position; while your opponent is trying to figure out what their options are against themselves.

Once all the pawns have been moved, there's not much to do after that except watch the guy across the table lose their marbles.  It's a dick head move obviously and only lasts maybe 8 turns, but it gives a player a view into the mind off the person across the table.

Thu, 12/27/2012 - 11:21 | 3098845 insanelysane
insanelysane's picture

What do we expect in a country where we are banning large soda drinks because they are unhealthy but at the same time legalizing marijuana cause it's about freedom.

Thu, 12/27/2012 - 12:57 | 3099138 mkhs
mkhs's picture

It's a big country.  Some parts are sane, others less so.

Thu, 12/27/2012 - 12:56 | 3099136 hooligan2009
hooligan2009's picture

gooooo raymond...NEITHER A PAYER (of taxes) NOR A RECEIVER (of benefits) BE!!!

Thu, 12/27/2012 - 10:48 | 3098711 SeverinSlade
SeverinSlade's picture

I rarely go to Starbucks, but when I do, I order a large.  Not a fucking Venti.

And hey, except for the fact that they are total fucking hypocrites (YOU pay your taxes and balance the budget...we're fine not paying jack shit) they are also more patriotic for evading taxes than any idiot like Warren Buffett calling for higher taxes.  After all, we didn't have income taxes, property taxes, etc. until after 1913.

Thu, 12/27/2012 - 11:11 | 3098753 Raymond K Hessel
Raymond K Hessel's picture

I rarely go to Starbucks, but when I do I order a Dos Equis.

Stay thirsty, my friends.

Thu, 12/27/2012 - 11:16 | 3098828 qqqqtrader
qqqqtrader's picture

I rarely drive by Starbucks in my 49' Ford pickup, but when I do... I wave at the overpriced coffee drinkers using their newest iPad's looking at who looking at them.

Thu, 12/27/2012 - 11:17 | 3098829 Spastica Rex
Spastica Rex's picture

I refused to order in Italian many years ago. That was shortly before I refused to buy anything from Starbucks. It was fun to watch the Seattle coffee girls fume when I'd say, "I'd like $1.25 worth of drip, please."

Thu, 12/27/2012 - 12:59 | 3099141 cifo
cifo's picture

One can still order "short" or "tall" or "double" (as in "double espresso"), as they are on the menu.

Thu, 12/27/2012 - 13:05 | 3099161 Spastica Rex
Spastica Rex's picture


Nessun Italiano per me, bambino, anche se non ho niente contro l'Italia, o Italiani, o la lingua Italiana.

Thu, 12/27/2012 - 10:46 | 3098716 SeverinSlade
SeverinSlade's picture

Double post.

Thu, 12/27/2012 - 10:53 | 3098749 Freddie
Freddie's picture

Someone should write that shit on Bono and the rest of U2's ****ing forehead.

"Hey Bono: Pay your f***ing taxes!"

Thu, 12/27/2012 - 11:07 | 3098796 Gordon Freeman
Gordon Freeman's picture

You could've added LOWER YOUR FUCKING PRICES!, with Arabica trading at multi-year lows. 

These sanctimonious pronoucements from multi-nationals are grotesque

Thu, 12/27/2012 - 11:28 | 3098874 Captain Planet
Captain Planet's picture


I commend you, though I must ask: how did you fit all that on a single pound? Its a coin....

Thu, 12/27/2012 - 11:33 | 3098897 Shizzmoney
Shizzmoney's picture

Well, I must admit: I printed it onto the pound.

I figure if Mark Carney and Ben Bernanke could print, so could I. 

Thu, 12/27/2012 - 11:28 | 3098876 Zap Powerz
Zap Powerz's picture

Hey, cool, one more reason to never ever buy anything from that shitty coffee shop starbucks.

Thu, 12/27/2012 - 11:41 | 3098931 Bunga Bunga
Bunga Bunga's picture

Soon they will print on the cup "one dollar of your 5.99 Latte will go directly to the treasury".

Thu, 12/27/2012 - 11:42 | 3098934 The trend is yo...
The trend is your friend's picture

Starbucks better push for a deal so that the sheeple with a few dollars in thier pocket can go and pay $4.79 for a cup of coffee that costs them .50.  The alternative is to lobby congress to EBT cards for starbucks coffee, then the banks win too!

Thu, 12/27/2012 - 10:48 | 3098712 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

Yea everyone is SO concerned now about 'Can't we just get over it?' after we've all been robbed....and apparently Starbucks wishes more robbery as thats all 'coming together in compromise' actually means.

'Fix the debt'...LOL sure Starbucks rob yet another generation....fuck you Starbucks I'll rather die of thirst than ever buy a thing from there again.

Thu, 12/27/2012 - 10:45 | 3098714 Lost Wages
Lost Wages's picture

My wife got a $15 Starbucks card from someone at work for Xmas. Made me a little sad. A Starbucks gift card is a gift that says, "I had to buy you a gift. Fuck you."

Thu, 12/27/2012 - 10:52 | 3098737 SeverinSlade
SeverinSlade's picture

Best part is that $15 only buys what, two Ventis?

What a fucking tool though, whoever bought it.  $10 or $20.  Who buys a $15 gift card?

Thu, 12/27/2012 - 11:10 | 3098808 GetZeeGold
GetZeeGold's picture



If it wasn't for one of them cards....I wouldn't even know what the place looked like inside.

Thu, 12/27/2012 - 11:21 | 3098840 lakecity55
lakecity55's picture

Take your caffeine needs to Big B's.

They are small-business oriented.

They are cheaper.

Discounts for military.


I do not own any stock. I just like a SB alternative.

Thu, 12/27/2012 - 10:46 | 3098717 Winston Churchill
Winston Churchill's picture

Taxrs,the other barborous relic.

Control P is so much easier.

Thu, 12/27/2012 - 10:50 | 3098734 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

Right...following the new FED economic model, 'taxes' are outdated and irrelevant as buggy whips...well except in certain 'clubs'.

Thu, 12/27/2012 - 10:54 | 3098751 SeverinSlade
SeverinSlade's picture

Unfortunately this is more true than people realize.  In the end, since it's mathematically impossible to pay down the debt, taxes truly are irrelevant and only serve to further enslave the masses with more chains of debt.

Thu, 12/27/2012 - 12:11 | 3099012 tango
tango's picture

You hit the nail on the head!   I have grown weary of politicians talking about how we can pay down the debt by _____  (fill in blank).  It's so intelletually dishonest and begs a simple calculator.  At least the Dems don't even try to pretend they care about debt.  It's a Spendarama, get elected, get rich and get out dodge when the shit eventually hits the fan.

Thu, 12/27/2012 - 10:47 | 3098720 azzhatter
azzhatter's picture

Fuck You Bernanke

Thu, 12/27/2012 - 10:47 | 3098721 Lendo
Lendo's picture

Feed the consumer debt buy buying overpriced coffee.

Thu, 12/27/2012 - 10:52 | 3098742 GetZeeGold
GetZeeGold's picture



Gambling is a tax for people that can't do math.....and so is Starbucks.

Thu, 12/27/2012 - 10:52 | 3098747 Cursive
Cursive's picture


And to top it off, the ad quotes fucking Abraham Lincoln.  The first sign of evil is anyone who quotes/references Abraham Lincoln.

Thu, 12/27/2012 - 10:55 | 3098762 Freddie
Freddie's picture


Dear suckers who are on balance sheet liabilities for Corporation USA.  Drop dead.

Signed Honest Abe


Thu, 12/27/2012 - 11:17 | 3098831 lakecity55
lakecity55's picture


+1 more for a Jackson Avatar!

Thu, 12/27/2012 - 10:48 | 3098725 youngman
youngman's picture

If we are going to be using a Beatles song.....TAXMAN would have been better

Thu, 12/27/2012 - 10:49 | 3098730 Cursive
Cursive's picture

Fuck these sanctimonious, it's-everyone-else's-problem, tax avoiding limousine liberals!

Thu, 12/27/2012 - 11:25 | 3098859 John Bigboote
John Bigboote's picture

Don't forget "white guilt"

Thu, 12/27/2012 - 10:50 | 3098733 Billy Shears
Billy Shears's picture

I've got the Lennon estate lawyers on the phone. Poor John must be spinning in his tomb!

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