Dick Durbin "Hard To Get To An Agreement Tonight"

Tyler Durden's picture

It's not even 6 pm yet (futures open time) and all that early optimistic momentum hard procured by splinter GOP Senators, is slowly but surely, being extinguished. Enter Dick Durbin, the second ranking Senate democrat: 

  • Even if budget agreement to avoid fiscal cliff is reached today, it would be tough to “put it together this evening,” Sen. Dick Durbin, D-Ill., tells CNN.
  • If deal reached, more likely to be made final tomorrow, he says
  • Original terms of budget deal present “problem”
  • Hopeful “common ground” can be reached

So let's set the ground rules for tonight's drinking game: since there will be much hope and optimism, as they are all that's left, and which will all be promptly squashed once reality reverts, every time someone says:

  • "optimistic", do 1 shot;
  • "not optimistic" - 2 shots;
  • "cautiously optimistic" - 3 shots;
  • "guardedly optimistic" - 4 shots;
  • "encouraged" - 5 shots
  • "hopeful" - 10 shots
  • And, naturally, "Bush's fault" - chug the bottle

And now, sit back and look forward to the next rumor and kneejerk reaction, forgetting once more context that truly matters in tonight's theatrical "debate", which of course is what Ben Bernanke said on December 12, when asked what he would do if there is no Fiscal Cliff deal by January 1: "We would perhaps increase [QE] a bit."

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Seasmoke's picture

the word hopeful is going to get people fucked up and sloppy drunk tonight !

maxmad's picture

I am sure Durbin is going to play along with this drinking game! 

The Joker's picture

I'm sure Boner already started, around 6:00 AM this morning.

maxmad's picture

Yep I am sure Boner and Dickh*&d are doing shots right about now...

smlbizman's picture

right now in congress on cspan we are working on fucking with putin and adoption....

Eireann go Brach's picture

Is Obama even at these negotiations? I heard he be hanging out in Jay Z's VIP box at the football game throwing back beers and chicken wings, then they have tee time scheduled with Snoop Dog and Flavor Flav at 6!

Zosynspiracy's picture

Obama is a clown!  I don't know who is worse......him or his big horse mouthed baboon wife!  Seriously, this POS and his wife are the biggest disgrace to ever set foot in the White House!  I can't believe America voted these idiots back into office.  Atleast Laura Bush had some sense of class and sophistication. 

The Joker's picture

I want to get shit-faced so I'm drinking every time I hear the word "cliff".  Fuck it, it'll be New Years Eve soon.

ball-and-chain's picture

Durbin's an asshat.

But so are the republicans.

Don't drink too much.

And don't drive if you do.


benbushiii's picture

Does Ben (Parker Brothers) Bernank ever run out of money?

Racer's picture

Only when the world runs out of toilet roll to print on

max2205's picture

Double it Ben to $170 billion a month or better yet make it an even $1 trillion a month...who gives a shit

Sooth's picture

The Germans needed paper. Ben will run out of money when the universe runs out of electrons.

unrulian's picture

Excuse my ignorance but please tell me there's a reason other than the classic american shotgun to call that POS Bernank "Parker Bros". I'd really hate to think of him when i go woodcock hunting with my 20g VH


and BTW i say Bush's fault...8 ball

BeansBulletsBandaids's picture

The parker bros. board game Monopoly.

kliguy38's picture

THE ULTIMATE PONZI.....if you control the money you control the game....at least until the pain becomes unbearable....and that is when you bring in the military that you control. That is when the real fun begins. Of course the military claims they will never turn their guns on their own people but then history has almost always proven that to be a fable.....gl my awakened ZHrs

spastic_colon's picture

what durbin meant was "Hard To Get an Agreement Tonight Before Futures Market Opens".....gotta make sure the bernank, congress and senate can trade properly ya know.

imbrbing's picture

If the "fecal cliff" is such a bogus circus show for the people why has ZH been putting so much attention on it? Oh yea, it's the drinking!

Count me in!

knowless's picture

Technically what politicians do has real life consequences.

Salon's picture

I've been over a cliff before. It wasnt that bad.

At least what I remember of it.

quadcap's picture

I only read this article because it promised instructions for the drinking game.   (I'm in India right now, 9.5 (half an hour, really?) hours ahead of the East Coast, and the DJ is setting up in the courtyard outside my hotel room -- I'm in need of some "rules" (or at least guidelines) for what's about to happen.)   Happy New Year, me ZH-hearties!   (And apologies for the nested parens (to understand recursion, you must first understand recursion (burp.)))

nmewn's picture


“Would you restrict freedom in America or would you expand it?” - Dick Durbin

Insideher Trading's picture

Hevin Kenry is at the ready, fear not.

I am Jobe's picture

Does he have a pussy waiting or wait,he has a dick he needs to suck on. Pussy Congress and Whore House.

Frastric's picture

shit! i hav no mor bottles ta chug! !

akak's picture

I love it when politicians have honest names.

Iam Yue2's picture

Early action in eur/usd suggests that the markets are going to be flat to positive at open.

Salon's picture

I never believed that shit until recently. Just watching the tape ( or nowdays the terminal) the last few years has convinced me.

If they really are scared enough to micromanage currency and futures we are in deeper doodoo than I thought.

Ness.'s picture

It's an illusion designed to keep the dopes duped.  Investors are price specific whereas manipulator's with agendas, are not.  Initiating massive positions in illiquid markets are executed by people who don't have these constraints.

Racer's picture

Yep they sure are... it will go positive no matter what happens with any cliff

FinalCollapse's picture

Laughing Joe negotiating with Crying John while dick is commenting. What can go wrong here...

The Joker's picture

Someone mentioned "weeping cheetoh" earlier today.  I tried to find it on youtube.  This is the best I could come up with:


Darksky's picture

Damn it. Liquor stores closed on Sunday in Texas and I will be outta Woodford Reserve after one "cautiously optimistic".

Mark123's picture

The great fiscal cliff debate in America = a lazy deadbeat hoping to get approved for one more credit card so they can keep shopping for crap.





MedicalQuack's picture

Ok enough said, time to start stuffing members of Congress in MRIs and get the diagnosis done once and for all:)  This fear of math has to be dealt with soon so we have competent law makers.

For real, PLOS One study and abstract on how the fear of math makes people feel physical pain.  I'm tired of feeling "their" pain in this thing I call income. Heck if we are so duped that we had to hear Barbara Walters ask Chris Christie about his weight...and if you didn't see that, it was a good one...we better get those folks in DC diagnosed for this fear of math as it may be prohibiting some from doing their job!!


My take on the Chrisie interview below, in the meantime should we start stuffing MRIs with Congressmen:)


Racer's picture

I can think of a lot more suitable places to stuff them

tallen's picture

And the ES opens....... UP!????????????

Racer's picture

You doubted?????????

The Gooch's picture

<<< Death Star

<<<Land Of Lincoln





franzpick's picture

Meanwhile, while they're debating whether to 'put spending on the table', I calculated the weight of the 16T$ deficit spending already done, in $100 bills, at 22 pounds per million$, to be 352,000 pounds. 

That's 176 tons already on the table, and they want to add more weight? (YMMV....your math...) 


Money 4 Nothing's picture

Dick Durbin... When ever I hear that name, I picture a penis wearing a turbin for some reason? Could be my new pschotropes script..

Zer0head's picture

the most reassuring thing is that people vote for their "representatives"



post turtle saver's picture

I've been doing a shot every time the word "cliff" is used. Thank goodness for the stomach pump.

Walt D.'s picture

What is Dick Durban's middle name?

Grand Supercycle's picture

Wile E Coyote awaits...

Whether it’s caused by fiscal cliff, debt ceiling, Europe or something else, it doesn’t really matter because as noted before – another crash is guaranteed.

It’s a no brainer.
Charts don’t lie.