Market Opens Near Friday's Lows As Senate Gives Up (Early) For The Night

Tyler Durden's picture

UPDATE: ES scrambled up to Flash-Crash lows at 1391.5

No Deal; No Deal. The updates came thick and fast and almost entirely full of nothing until Harry Reid called a halt to proceedings:


S&P 500 Futures Open at Friday's lows amid higher than average volume but is modestly off the lows as an initial push (ES +4). EURUSD is 8 pips higher (in a purely algo-oriented lift as it was completely oblivious into Friday's close).

ES bounced a little




ES up to Flash Crash lows... interesting from here...

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Sudden Debt's picture

was that a plane?

Now that was cool :)

Money 4 Nothing's picture

Hello nine one one what's your emergency? Umm.. Hello? 911? Uhh Yea, we were just like.. hit with an airplane or something? Uuuh..  No,The only marking I saw on it was NYSE thin air, guess that explains why it like hit my car and stuff..  Huuh? No were not high.

ball-and-chain's picture

Ain't gonna happen.

This is all just posturing.

They'll hammer out a deal.

Wall Street and London are calling the shots.

Looney's picture

These idiots (no offence to the growing army of the FAKE Disability Benefits recipients) need to implement the European negotiations model.

1.      Start the Meeting/Summit after 7 p.m.

2.      Make sure that all parties involved are force-fed to induce their sleepiness.

3.      All negotiators must provide a proof that they are absolutely incapable of making a livin’ (legally or otherwise) outside of politics.

4.      Whoever thinks he/she has the most cards up their sleeves/asses must fake a German accent and be (or permanently turned into) a paraplegic.

5.      The judges must be GS/JPM former or current employees.


P.S. I'm sure, I'm missing quite a few "conditions", so please, ZeroDudes and ZeroDudettes, fire at will. ;-)

P.P.S. Happy (or at least safe) New Year to y’allZ!

OneEyedJack's picture

We are offering you exclusive footage of the accident Tu-204 at Vnukovo airport. Footage filmed witness whose car caught the plane rolled out to Kiev highway


     News & Politics

SunRise's picture

"Was that a plane?"  It was Bernanke's Helicopter. . . cash overload

maxmad's picture

Yep... Lets call it a night, its not like the economy is riding on this!

Everyman's picture

Some "Stock Trader" on CNN just 15 minutes ago stated that 2013 could be a great year for stocks!!!  He said if the fiscal cliff is not solved it is a "buying opportunity"!!!  And if the "Fiscal cliff is solved"??  IT is good for the markets according to this fucking asshole wizard.  He was on with a three way Blow with Don Lemon and Ali Velshi.

edb5s's picture

Goddamn right you are missing something.  It's a buy the dip scheme.

Looney's picture

BTFD, YFI! ;-)


I ain't got nottin' left to buy it with, though... ;-)


Sincerely Yours,

Fucking Idiot , aka Looney


prains's picture

nothing is happening that's NOT supposed to happen, much to do with nothing at this point

Everyman's picture

OH YEAH???  Well here is a Senator with the CALM Act


YOU can't make this shit UP!  It is all TOOO  REAALLLL!


Sen. Joe Manchin (D-W.Va.) has introduced a new bill that he says would soften the impact of going over the fiscal cliff.

It’s called the Cliff Alleviation at the Last Minute (CALM) Act, and Manchin says he’s not happy to author it.

“This is not a great plan, merely a better plan than going over the cliff,” Manchin said in a floor speech. “It should never have come to this.”

The measure would phase in the looming tax increases over three years, rather than all at once, and allow the Office of Management and Budget to pick which programs would be cut rather than having the across-the-board cuts contained in sequestration.


Cliff Alleviation at the Last Minute (CALM) Act,  ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME YOU FUCKING ASSCLOWNS????!!!!???!!!


These FUCKS in congress can't even start the cutting of spending and are leaving it to the OMB!!!!!  They just got a fucking raise!



Money 4 Nothing's picture

Does that act include Goose Down pillows to cushin a plane wreck?


Next up..? S-BITH Act (Put-the-shit-back-in-the-horse) Act of 2013.

walküre's picture

The FUCKS are living more dangerously as each day passes. Who doesn't think these guys are completely useless and should all get kicked to the curb? For real. Who would stand up for their Congress idiot if the mob got in and closed shop in DC, sending all these assclown Congress critters right back home? The only reason most of us would stand up is to applaud and give the mob a standing ovation for finally shutting this fucking farce of a political circus down.

What's the fucking point anymore? They had years to prepare for this event and then they give us this last minute bullshit where all comes down to the wire????

Making up shit as they go?

If I had ever worked like this in my life, I'd be collecting fucking bottles to buy a burger meal!!!!!!!!!!


Freddie's picture

The night is young and Hairy Reid and the Dems have loads of hookers they can go see.  

The Tea Party conservatives in the House should keep telling Obam to F himself.  The House consevatives should tell Obama/Reid and Pelosi they are cutting 105 across the board and no tax increase.

Damn - I get a banner ad for a used 2011 Ferrari 458 for $299,988 in Sterling VA at a DC dealership.  Too much fiat Bernank bucks in DC to buyhihgher end FIAT's. 

My neighbor has a new one in red just like it. He needs his taxes raised. F him!  The bastard must have dropped at least $325,000 in Bernank bucks on it.


ebailey5's picture

Come with dedicated State Mountie with full ticket book already partially filled out with name and address, lacking only date and MPH.

Freddie's picture

The old bastard is out there on Sunday at lunch time always blipping the throttle with that glorious Ferrari sound.  he then takes off.  Old F.   At least he is not an O voter.

Talk about keeping up with the Jonese.  Ain't gonna happen.  Sad. :-(      Tax the rich!  ;-)

Michaelwiseguy's picture

29 hours and 15 minutes to go for multi-billionaires to drop dead to avoid the 55% estate tax. Not too high a price to see David Rockefeller drop dead before midnight tomorrow. 

Freddie's picture

How about gun banners like Bloomberg and Murdoch?  Crony state fascists like Buffett and Munger.

Freddie's picture

I mean WTF is with David Rockefeller?  He is about 100.  Doesn't Satan want to call that evil prick home yet? 

Too busy counting the $8 billion he makes off of EBT cards at his The JP Morgue (Chase).   Dante's Inferno awaits.

adr's picture

He might be 100 based on the year of his birth, however I doubt the age of any internal organ is over 18. The perks of being in the upper part of the .1%.

Freddie's picture

I tried to edit it.  It should be the House conservative Tea Party types should cut 10% across the board from the budget including Obama's exec order salary increase for govt workers. 

Cut 10% on EVERYTHING.  Then when the debt limit has to be raised cut 5-7% more.  Real cuts on everything.

WonderDawg's picture

Great idea, but it'll never happen. They can't make actual cuts to spending because it cuts right into GDP. If it weren't for gov't deficit spending, GDP would be about -8% right now. They know this. To cut spending means to admit that their policies have done nothing to rejuvenate the economy, and it means political suicide. Never gonna happen until the bond market makes it so.

TrustWho's picture

New Zealand opened down 0.3%. Could be interesting how the markets deal with the political chaos. May not care with the Daddy Bernanke just waiting for the moment to show BOJ how to really print mo money

tallen's picture

This mkaret mkaes no snsee

FinalCollapse's picture

I like how the whisky is working. Ah, these nice Sunday afternoons....

Sudden Debt's picture

Das gold ies looking good her fuhrer!

walküre's picture

Hello Sudden Debt. My name is Gerard Depardieu and I'm looking for a nice Belgian banking bitch. Will you be that bitch?

ShortTheUS's picture

CNBC must be so disappointed that their special is going to be on with the futures up...

Zer0head's picture

When Bear went down there was no special just some CNBS Asian anchors trying to make sense of it all  but I know exactly where I was that fateful Sunday

Racer's picture

Give up early and start work late? No need to hurry eh?

Gene Parmesan's picture

What kind of scumbags start at 11am after all this? The charade is insulting.

Freddie's picture

Scumbags who steal your money and future and who also want to disarm you.  Those Senate scumbags.

dlc's picture

Well, I expect they all wanted to watch the Cowboys/Redskins BIG game, and they made the call regarding which way to spend their time is more important.  But not to worry--Joe Biden will surely resolve the mess.

drwillia1's picture

Looks like there is a high due on the 4th.

surf0766's picture

A budget agreement. WTF is a budget? 

Selah's picture

We don't need no stinkin' budgets!

noob's picture

...could be just,

Phil Collins - Another Day In Paradise

TheLooza's picture

we don't need no shrinkin' budgets?

Selah's picture

Double word-play!


Outstanding. I hope Tyler picks that up for a headline.

NoDebt's picture

"A myth".  Like unicorns, bigfoot and sanity.