The Funniest Number Of The Day

Tyler Durden's picture

Yes, it comes straight from the dumb money portal and does not adjust for such things as "one time, non-recurring charges" and other things which have made AMZN's profit margin the biggest mathematical conundrum since the Riemann hypothesis, but it still is about the funniest thing we have spotted on today's so far painfully boring trading day.

Highlighted in red:

As for the fundamentals... ah who cares. Just buy on the most recent Morgan Stanley short squeeze upgrade

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NoDebt's picture

Stay away from this stock.  Just sayin'.

Thomas's picture

They'd be better off letting earnings go negative and get an "n/a" in the box.

FEDbuster's picture

No profits, but we'll make it up on volume and growth.

smlbizman's picture

ah, the bigger truck solution,...

boogerbently's picture

That's what FB'ers are hoping for !

MillionDollarBonus_'s picture

I would advise the junior investors on this site to allow their portfolios to be managed by an experienced fund manager or professional stock broker. The markets ar risky, and unless you're an experienced pro like myself, it's not going to be easy to beat the smart money at their own game. Leave the trading to experienced traders at top tier investment banks, and delegate your investments to top investment professionals at pension funds and well diversified equity funds. Also, when selecting a fund, make sure the fund managers use "Modern Potfolio Theory" to manage risk, in order to be sure that the fund is not too risky.

Unprepared's picture

tip: you should inflate your monikor to Trillion for it to carry the same meaning as originally intended.

CPL's picture

LOL.  coffee came out my nose.

paddy0761's picture

That's gold...pure gold MDB. You've still got it.

smlbizman's picture

yeah, its gold...the sad part is this is the thinking that is going to lead to the confiscation of  pensions, iras etc., there is a woman who explains that knows  a dentist in bum fuck egypt could never know how to invest like a pro, pro being not the 88% that underperformed markets....these pros work for the government were they really know what they are it is probably the most accurate post this bridge toll has ever posted...

Dr. Engali's picture

Modern portfolio theory? Do they still use that barbaric relic in the new centrally planned everybody wins economy?

UGrev's picture

I'm new to the Market lingo.. I though Modern portfolio theory was "Buy PM's "?  /end sarc. 

Seriously, I would never get into the market. Not only because I would get my ass handed to me, but because I KNOW that even if had a handle on it, the odds are against me with the HFT's fucking it up for the rest of us. You lot are more brave than I. That is an absolute fucking certainty. I honestly don't know how you guys keep it together with all the shit that goes on. I'm actually surprised that you all haven't banded together to start ripping HFT computers from their internet connections and EMP'ing the shit out them. You've shown a restraint that I cannot comprehend. 

Dr. Engali's picture

I've been around a long time and navigated a lot of markets. The biggest shock for has been the eye opening experience that everything I thought to be true is a lie. Once you get past the years of brainwashing, and dump logic and reason out the makes it easier to deal with the new reality.

FEDbuster's picture

" makes it easier to deal with the new reality."

"If you can't stand in front of it and defend it with an AR-15, you don't own it" Ann Barnhardt 2011

The only equation you need to know "Stock Broker = Jon Corzine"

CPL's picture

Trick is now knowing where the HFT's 'feed'.  They are binary herd animals grazing on public information.  

So you identify their 'food sources' and poison it.  Or go with it and make money.  Investing today has more to do with server farm herd management than fundementals.


UGrev's picture

Well then. Time for you guys to come up with an "Enigma machine" to make the psychology of the daily trade info highly variant and encoded. When the Algo's can't figure it out, they'll start breaking shit.. :) Now that would be epic!

CPL's picture

I just have a google alert that tells me when more than 4 articles and 200 tweets come out on a particular day on any stock under 20 bucks over 500,000 in volume and near/at/under the bottom of the 52 week range.


Seems to work so far.


UGrev's picture

that just means that you're working under the radar. Your internal network of people needs to start speaking, for lack of a better term, "another language" to confuse or completely disrupt the algo's reading your stuff. 

MeelionDollerBogus's picture

To do that you need another quote-stuffing algo. So for that you need speed and/or influence to ensure no trades go through that would be very bad (of your own). It's cheater's poker at 50,000 hands (trades) per second.

MeelionDollerBogus's picture

#1 math

#2 time-frames

the HFT's don't look beyond the micro/nano time-scale, so anything else is back to math to look for tell-tale signs of when a fish has taken a hook but you may need 3-5 days or 3-5 weeks to reel it in. In the precious metals case you'd be identifying dips to come & trying to buy on/into it rather than very high prices (stacking) before they drop.

For options on GLD using the gold chart you'd of course want big swings to resell & sell to close... on flatter lures in calmer waters the inverse, to write those calls & puts.

Meh. What can I say.

WTFUD's picture

I thought MDB said POT so had a few bongs and threw everything on red at!
Guess what JPM just offered me an executive post.

Taint Boil's picture



Oh dear … Million Dollar Bonus, what to do. I never down arrow anyone but in MDB case a down arrow is an up …. Just can’t make this stuff up – too funny.

Diogenes's picture

But he does make it up, and it is only funny if you have been through the mill.

On the weekend I talked to an otherwise intelligent woman who thinks she is going to get rich following hot tips from her stockbroker. Now that is funny but it won't be funny to her.

So give MDB a down (up) if you think he is serious or an up (down) if you get the joke.

Defiant1968's picture
Finally some good advice - Thanks!
beaker's picture

After 36 years with Wall Street firms, MDB's comment is one of the funniest things I've seen in a while.  However, I think this guy always says this shit to get everyone going.

Blano's picture

POTfolio theory???  Like, wow dude, can I have some Doritos with that??

Eastwood's picture

Judging the 50/50 ratio of favorable / unfavorable responses to this statement, 50% of the ZH readers didn't catch the sarcasm of MillionDollarBonus and the other 50% are $%^&ing morons! Errr wait a minute.

reTARD's picture

That's why I always invest all my money with MDB. He's so smart. I only pick the funds he manages. ;-)

slaughterer's picture

The conundrum of AMZN valuation is that many analysts forecast steadily increasing after-tax earnings resulting partly from anticipated sharp reductions in capital expenditures.   Yet the reality is that if adequate capital expenditures are not made, a multi-faceted corporation such as Amazon is extremely unlikely to enjoy a steadily increasing cashflow and will instead almost certainly face declining profits. 

Never was P/E jettisoned as an insignifcant tool to value a company's fundamentals as much as it is with AMZN. 

Lucius Cornelius Sulla's picture

I think the price is based on yoy sales growth which is supported by plowing all of the cash flow back into the business.  If the growth continues (which is the gamble) AMZN's sales could rival WMT.  Having said that, it is a speculation to think that this growth will not eventually slow and a lot of it is already priced into the stock.  But don't underestimate AMZN's ability to continue to exploit the internet retail supply chain paradigm.


Oleander's picture

When Amazon has to start charging sales tax for all states won't sales go down? On Nov. 1 in Ma. they are going to start. Ordering fron Amazon will no longer be like sticking it to the state. Lose the free shipping and its attraction is lost. The movie selection on Prime sucks. All they will have is Kindle. Can they survive on that?

adr's picture

In the real world selling a few billion dollars in merchandise for negative profit would not be a sound business. Somehow, today it is to be praised.

Amazon just got hit with a fine for selling Organic Bamboo sheets, that were actually Rayon. IT WAS EVEN A CRIB SHEET FOR BABIES!!!

Actually I am being serious. If people actually knew how much of what goes out the door at Amazon is black market merchandise, counterfeit goods, and mislabeled fake crap, I don't think they would really shop there.

Amazon is that seedy store in the ghetto owned by the Russians that you see panel vans show up at to unload DVD players with scratched off serial numbers. Never has there been a more overvalued corporation in history.

WTFUD's picture

adr i bet ya none of them down arrows came from any of AMZ employees or ex employees or future (s) ex employees or employees collecting foodie stamps or future ex employees turning renegade with a best seller shot down on msm

eclectic syncretist's picture

Totally agree.  AMZN has been way overvalued for over a decade, despite never showing any real signs of improved future profitability.  With it's razor thin margins and devil may care management attitude it will crash someday, but that day is so long overdue it's impossible to approach it like a rational fundamental investment play. 

Almost talked myself into putting on a short position there!  I think I'll just keep watching for now.

Everybodys All American's picture

Earnings expectations are way out of line with reality and due for a collapse with Amazon just being one example. No doubt this should be a very interesting earnings season.

killallthefiat's picture

Up 3%.

Earlier, today, it was much more affordable 3000.

Dr. Engali's picture

The closing price for gold in 2013.

Water Is Wet's picture

America, FUCK YEAH!
Coming again, to save the mother fucking day yeah,
America, FUCK YEAH!
Freedom is the only way yeah,
Terrorist your game is through cause now you have to answer too,
America, FUCK YEAH!
So lick my butt, and suck on my balls,
America, FUCK YEAH!

JPM Hater001's picture

We seem to be getting more and more newly awakened individuals and that is awesome.

Fuck is not a smart word in case you needed clarification.

Post smart.  I am more likely to read it.  Most people will be.

fuu's picture

Coming again, to save the mother humping day yeah,
Freedom is the only way yeah,
Terrorist your game is through cause now you have to answer too,
America, SHAG YEAH!
So lick my anus, and suck on my testicles,
America, DOINK YEAH!

ar01's picture

When I see stuff like this on ZH, I immediately think the Tylers are short AMZN. 

Dr. Engali's picture

I suggest you read their conflicts/disclosure policy:

JPM Hater001's picture

The whole thing is a quality read but I really like this part...they even trademarked "a good thing".

"Like David Einhorn, we think that talking about investing and investments is, in every case, a good thing™ and should be encouraged at every turn.  Even idiots should talk about investments.  It makes it much easier to identify and deal with them (and it keeps us writing about financial idiots).  As to writing about investments, we plan to do a lot of it.  So how do we plan to handle conflicts?

We don't.

You should assume that at all times we are so totally just talking our book it would shock and awe you like the unexpected, early-morning arrival of a cluster of BGM-109C Tomahawks (were you a believer in the importance of "optics" that is)."

Dr. Engali's picture

I laughed my ass off the first time I read that piece. It was my favorite read when I first explored the Hedge.

Dick Fitz's picture

Dr Engali

That's awesome! Full disclosure...isn't.

Alea Iactaest's picture

Talking their book would make ZH "no worse" than anyone else presenting so-called market information. The reality is that you should read everything expecting bias, even on ZH, no different than watching CNBC. You're an adult, aren't you?

madridisburning's picture

If ZH has been talking their book all this, I would think they would bust by now. They have been wrong on everything. Cheerleading is not investing.