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Blame It On The Flu

Tyler Durden's picture


Economic weakness in November was blamed on Hurricane Sandy. Economic weakness in December was blamed on the Fiscal Cliff. Now, we know what economic weakness in January will be blamed on: the flu. And, as the old saying goes: "Flu got you down? Take two QEs and see the chairman in the morning."

From Google:

And the CDC's Interactive FluView screen:


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Fri, 01/11/2013 - 13:22 | 3144569 Mongo
Mongo's picture

Not on the boogie?

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 13:24 | 3144587 Lohn Jocke
Lohn Jocke's picture

Sorry boss, I can't make it in to work today. I have Diarrhea.

They never question that one.

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 13:28 | 3144608 pine_marten
pine_marten's picture

That always worked for when I wanted to leave high school early too.

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 13:37 | 3144651 WhyDoesItHurtWh...
WhyDoesItHurtWhen iPee's picture

4 out of 5 Fedophiles recommend Ponzicodone for symptons of Fecal Cliff and nausea.

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 15:14 | 3145021 Janice
Janice's picture

More government lies. We're feeling fine in Florida.

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 13:38 | 3144658 francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

I thought Obama 'banned' the flu when all those kids got sick that one time... 

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 13:42 | 3144673 whotookmyalias
whotookmyalias's picture

Wasn't blame it on the flu a Milli Vinilli song?

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 13:48 | 3144695 Snakeeyes
Snakeeyes's picture

But, but, Krugman's broken window theory of Sandy should mean that GDP should skyrocket!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sat, 01/12/2013 - 07:04 | 3146779 IamtheREALmario
IamtheREALmario's picture

That executive order got lost amongst the thousands the wannabee dictator in chief spews out, claiming powers he was not given, has not earned and does not deserve.

... and from the video coverage, he still has the golf swing of a little girl.

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 13:27 | 3144600 Yellowhoard
Yellowhoard's picture

I'm not sure if I've got the rock n roll fever or the boogie woogie flu?

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 13:33 | 3144629 tnquake
tnquake's picture

Commonly called the "Green Apple Quick Step"

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 13:46 | 3144686 The Gooch
The Gooch's picture

Bloomberg has limited it to one.

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 16:35 | 3145368 Freddie
Freddie's picture

Test run of the NWO weaponsized flu.  Part of ObaCare to get rid of older white folks.

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 17:30 | 3145507 Flakmeister
Flakmeister's picture

Well politically it is more feasible than real Medicare cuts...

But seriously, how much time do you spend dreaming up the utter nonsense that you type?

It really is;nt that funny unless you frequent places where you expect low-brow KKK type hang out..

Edit: Hey, I get it now, Yo! Crockett and Newem (however the fuck you spell it), someone is here to see you..

Sat, 01/12/2013 - 00:06 | 3146470 TheProphet
TheProphet's picture

Were that only true. The last pandemic killed the young, not the elderly. The body of a younger person fought the infection harder, thus inducing much higher fever and a much higher fatality rate.

Sat, 01/12/2013 - 01:31 | 3146596 Flakmeister
Flakmeister's picture


Fri, 01/11/2013 - 13:22 | 3144571 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

It's all good mayor bloomfuck says you may just have to suffer a little. No biggie.

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 15:05 | 3144997 lolmao500
lolmao500's picture

Bloomberg better start legalizing meth to save the childrenz!

Meth can cure the flu

A study found that meth could suppress replication of the influenza A virus responsible for the flu.

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 13:22 | 3144573 Bohm Squad
Bohm Squad's picture

Kleenex and Charmin are cleaning up!



Fri, 01/11/2013 - 13:24 | 3144584 Itch
Itch's picture

Thats down to all the wankers in the world though.

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 13:22 | 3144576 Lohn Jocke
Lohn Jocke's picture




Fri, 01/11/2013 - 13:25 | 3144591 Flakmeister
Flakmeister's picture

We are overdue for a good ol'fashioned pandemic...

Make sure you have lots of popcorn handy when it happens...

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 13:26 | 3144599 catacl1sm
catacl1sm's picture

While highly contagious, this year's flu strains aren't particularly virulent.

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 13:37 | 3144645 IPA
IPA's picture

I suggest looking up the word virulent before you contradict yourself.

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 14:09 | 3144804 Flakmeister
Flakmeister's picture


Fri, 01/11/2013 - 14:15 | 3144828 ShankyS
ShankyS's picture

I thought he was quoting CNBC

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 13:43 | 3144677 tickhound
tickhound's picture

The art of sickness without death...

Sounds perfect for Big Pharma and the 'flu stawks.'     

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 15:14 | 3145015 ParkAveFlasher
ParkAveFlasher's picture

+1 And with so much Ny Quil flying off the shelves, Obama should have an easy time to keep soldiers in the Poppy Fields securing those raw materials. 

In other news, one small banner fro Bad Idea tshirts, one giant tent pitched in my pantaloons.

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 18:47 | 3145747 Panafrican Funk...
Panafrican Funktron Robot's picture

Novovirus = big money for toilet paper manufacturers.  

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 17:02 | 3145449 Oleander
Oleander's picture

I had the swine flu now I have super immunity. They are looking into wether or not the H1N1 vaccine may have also given extra immunity against flu. 

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 13:26 | 3144594 topspinslicer
topspinslicer's picture

Nothing like some qe cash to make you feel better -- jumping jacks after converting to some shiney rounds and bars

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 13:26 | 3144595 Skateboarder
Skateboarder's picture

(1) Get flu vaccine --> (2) get flu --> (3) go back to (1).

It's national flu month, huh. Is Hallmark milkin the shit out of it yet?

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 13:26 | 3144597 risk-reward
risk-reward's picture

Wonder if The Bernake will punch out early?

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 13:29 | 3144612 topspinslicer
topspinslicer's picture

"Wonder if The Bernake will punch out early?"

IT DOESN'T MATTA' !!!!! don't you think they got them there the automatic pilot feature on them there new fangeled printers!

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 13:31 | 3144625 risk-reward
risk-reward's picture

How foolish of me.  Of COURSE Janet knows how to run the printers !

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 13:27 | 3144603 topspinslicer
topspinslicer's picture

Biden needs to have a flu summit concerning flu control -- make this bitch earn his keep with endless meetings I says

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 13:28 | 3144606 pods
pods's picture

I see the CDC is doing all it can to remain relevant?

I can't wait till summer when the government tells me what to do outside in the heat.

No doubt we will be deluged with more flu shot propaganda?  


Free advice: Almost everyone is deficient in Vitamin D.  


Fri, 01/11/2013 - 13:58 | 3144749 francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

An occasional 'roll around' tumble on your silver coin stack ought to cure most ailments...

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 14:22 | 3144852 pods
pods's picture

I used to keep a silver quarter in the dog's water bowl.

Silver is a potent antibiotic.  Never saw success with anything viral, but bacterial it works wonders.


Fri, 01/11/2013 - 14:34 | 3144877 Harbanger
Harbanger's picture

Great idea.  I should get my dog a silver bowl.

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 16:39 | 3145379 Freddie
Freddie's picture

What about tungsten.

This flu epidemic is a test run for the NWO/Hopey Changey's biologics part of TSA/Homeland Security.

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 14:05 | 3144786 Harbanger
Harbanger's picture

I had the flu last week.  Lasted about 4 days, now I feel great.  Took zinc right away and it seemed to work.

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 15:14 | 3145023 ParkAveFlasher
ParkAveFlasher's picture


Fri, 01/11/2013 - 13:29 | 3144614 HaroldWang
HaroldWang's picture

Bullish for AMZN - I'm upgrading it from hold your nose screaming buy to mega insane buy with a price target of 3000 based on this info.

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 14:33 | 3144874 Squid Vicious
Squid Vicious's picture

waiting for amzn to break out above 275, then I will start buying

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 13:30 | 3144616 silverserfer
silverserfer's picture

brought to you by tamiflu

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 13:36 | 3144644 Skateboarder
Skateboarder's picture

Whoever made that name needs to write "I won't come up with crappy product names" on a blackboard for at least a month.

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 13:30 | 3144618 topspinslicer
topspinslicer's picture

AlGore is gonna monetize this flu season you betcha!!!! Fat asse retard face

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 13:54 | 3144729 Greater Fool
Greater Fool's picture

He invented the flu, you know.

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 14:03 | 3144779 knukles
knukles's picture

I though he invented the Internet.

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 14:46 | 3144919 FoeHammer
FoeHammer's picture

The internet is not a dumptruck.

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 13:30 | 3144619 pine_marten
pine_marten's picture

Seriously - wash your hands alot.  Like I used to tell my boys - your dick is clean but your hands are dirty so you should wash them before you take a leak.......

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 14:02 | 3144775 knukles
knukles's picture

After I'd ridden the NYC subways I'd wash my hands before playing with my dink or wiping my butt.

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 16:43 | 3145390 Freddie
Freddie's picture

Pablo Honey - "are you washing you a**, keep yourself clean honey?

LOL! Effing Jerky Boys.


Fri, 01/11/2013 - 13:36 | 3144647 Temporalist
Temporalist's picture

Certainly this "emergency" will need government funding for all 50 states that are affected.  I'd say $10 billion each should do it.

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 13:37 | 3144652 Shizzmoney
Shizzmoney's picture

I love how Mayor Bloomberg told everyone to get a flu shot like him....and he STILL got the flu.

I'm with Joe Rogan.  Sometimes, its OK to get sick; you develop an immune system to deal with it better for the next time.  I'm getting over a cold now, had to use a day at work....but at least I have days (not many); most have to work in our martyr culture (or lose their jobs).  The government officials and Challenger/Gray, tell us that "employers are getting the message that this is unacceptable", but for the majority of wage slaves, this is bullshit.

I've never gotten a flu shot, I saw what it did to this woman (Dystonia).  All set:

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 16:27 | 3145337 Isotope
Isotope's picture

That was a hoax.

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 13:37 | 3144653 Seasmoke
Seasmoke's picture

HaJew ! HaJew !

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 13:38 | 3144659 Jason T
Jason T's picture

hours worked could fall.. not good for GDP.. and productivity I doubt to see a boost.  Long chicken soup.

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 13:40 | 3144663 VelvetHog
VelvetHog's picture

Hot whiskey based drinks are the solution.

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 13:41 | 3144668 JR
JR's picture

In today’s lesson, Mr. Krugman, we learn not to mess with Peter Schiff.


(Excerpt from a must read)

Economists who hold the popular view that expanding the money supply will provide the best medicine for our ailing economy dismiss the inflationary concerns of monetary hawks, like me, by pointing to the supposedly low inflation that has occurred during the current period of rampant Fed activism. In a recent blog post aimed specifically at me, Paul Krugman noted that the sub 2.5% increases in the Consumer Price Index (CPI) over the past few years are all that is needed to prove me wrong. In fact, Krugman and others have even suggested that the CPI itself overstates inflation and that the Fed would be better able to help the economy if less strict methodologies were used. However, there is plenty of evidence to suggest that the CPI is essentially meaningless as it woefully under reports rising prices.

Magazines and newspapers provide a good case in point. The truth has not been exposed through the economic reporting that these outlets provide, but in the prices that are permanently fixed to their covers. For instance, from 1999 to 2002 the Bureau of Labor Statistic's (BLS) "Newspaper and Magazine Index" (a component of the CPI) increased by 37.1%. But a perusal of the cover prices of the 10 most popular newspapers and magazines (WSJ, Washington Post, Time, Sports Illustrated, U.S. News & World Report, Newsweek, People, NY Times, USA Today, and the LA Times) over the same time frame showed an average cover price increase of 131.5% (3.5 times faster than the BLS' stats). This is not even in the same ballpark. …

Another stunning example is found in health insurance costs, which is a major line item for most families. According to the BLS we can all breathe easy on that front because their "Health Insurance Index" increased a mere 4.3% (total) in the four years between 2008 and 2012. Interestingly, over the same time, the Kaiser Survey of Employer Sponsored Health Insurance showed that the cost of family health insurance rose 24.2% (5.5 times faster). But even if the BLS had reported higher costs, it wouldn't have made much of a difference in the CPI itself. Believe it or not, health insurance costs are assigned a weighting of less than one percent of the overall CPI. In contrast, the Kaiser Survey revealed that in 2012 the average total cost for family health insurance coverage was $15,745, or almost one third of the median family income. …

Even more egregious than the manner in which prices are currently reported is the way that CPI methods have been changed over the years to insure that most increases are factored out. Since the 1970's, the CPI formula has changed so thoroughly that it bears scant resemblance to the one used during the "malaise days" of the Carter years… Between 1970 and 1980 the officially reported CPI rose a whopping 112%, and prices of our basket of goods and services rose by 117%, just 5% faster. In contrast between 2002 and 2012 the CPI rose just 27.5%, but our basket [Global Investor Newsletter] increased by 44.3%, a rate that was 61% faster. And remember, this is using the BLS' own price data. ...

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 14:00 | 3144765 knukles
knukles's picture


Fri, 01/11/2013 - 14:04 | 3144781 Chump
Chump's picture


Fri, 01/11/2013 - 14:19 | 3144840 Redstone
Redstone's picture

the gift that keeps on giving.

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 15:24 | 3145065 ParkAveFlasher
ParkAveFlasher's picture

...if Santa was Satan.

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 14:15 | 3144829 ItchyBeard
ItchyBeard's picture

Schiff rocks. His book - How an economy grows and why it crashes - is how I started out in my quest to learn more about how the world really works.

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 13:41 | 3144670 seek
seek's picture

Now would be a great time for reruns of Stephen King's "The Stand" miniseries, especially if you're home sick.

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 13:52 | 3144718 Dapper Dan
Dapper Dan's picture

I wish I had a dollar for every time I heard "get your flu shot" on tv or radio.

US 2012-2013 flu season

  CDC: US flu shot 55% effective against influenza A strains, which is responsible for most illnesses - @NBCNews


I have not received a flu shot, apparently the media ads don't work on me. Sorry Ed

One of Bernays's favorite techniques for manipulating public opinion was the indirect use of "third party authorities" to plead his clients' causes. "If you can influence the leaders, either with or without their conscious cooperation, you automatically influence the group which they sway", he said. In order to promote sales of bacon, for example, he conducted a survey of physicians and reported their recommendation that people eat heavy breakfasts. He sent the results of the survey to 5,000 physicians, along with publicity touting bacon and eggs as a heavy breakfast.


Fri, 01/11/2013 - 13:55 | 3144730 gould's fisker
gould's fisker's picture

Ramp up the excuse blame game . . . DC taking all applicants except corruption, incompetence and stupidity.

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 13:56 | 3144738 knukles
knukles's picture

dateline Atlanta Jan 11, 2013

The CDC has announced that 100% of the American population has either already got or will get the flu this season which has a 102.3% mortality rate for those who have not yet received their flu shots which are available everywhere at any price from free to "what a fucking jab in the ass."  Unlike last year's confusion, we will not be ceasing counting the number of infections or deaths prematurely before any significant records were kept in order to be able to say anything we wanted to afterwards and then got accused of manufacturing imaginary data by Conspiracy Theorists who have this year been branded mentally ill and as such inordinate amounts of serious psychotropic drugs that will be administered by force if necessary in order that the public at large who are all already infected, remain free and secure.
We strongly urge the American People to get their flu shots as soon as possible even though the injections available do not cover any of the current strains of influenza know to man, and remain home behind closed and plastic covered and taped windows and doors.  Help from your Federal Family of Agencies will be expedited to ensure your long term survival, including relocation to the Detroit Radionuclutide Recycling and Reeducation Camp #7 at the discretion of your minders predicated upon your facial expressions and mumbled comments.

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 16:45 | 3145397 Freddie
Freddie's picture

Hope & Change weaponized flu coming your way.  We don't need to take your guns.

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 13:57 | 3144741 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

'Economic weakness'? Where? All I see is unicorns farting gold dubloons with equities markets within a few% of all time bubble record highs.

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 13:58 | 3144747 kralizec
kralizec's picture

Those hyperbolic graphs made me toss my nachos.

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 14:00 | 3144759 IridiumRebel
IridiumRebel's picture

My wife works in the ER and she says half the people coming in would have been better just staying home, but lets go to the ER to overcrowd and stick the tax payer with a nice health care bill cuz I'm too stupid to drink water, take some Viamin C and half a couple Tylenol.

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 14:09 | 3144805 kralizec
kralizec's picture

Low information voters.


Fri, 01/11/2013 - 14:10 | 3144808 knukles
knukles's picture

I have a dream.

Mayhaps the best way to stop folks from abusing the emergency rooms they no longer need since everybody is now Covered by ObamaDon'tCare and has Access to a Doctor of their Choice (remember that shit?) the restorative for anybody proclaiming sickness from flu should be to stuff a 4 pound cabbage up their arse.

Admissions (except from the non-discerning terribly hungry) would plummet

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 14:12 | 3144820 Temporalist
Temporalist's picture

Stop it with your complete and utter nonsense!  Health care is free!  I will use the emergency room any time I want because I'm that important.  My last eight visits to the emergency room only cost the hospital $1000 on average each for the headaches and sniffles and splinters that were afflicting me.  It's not my fault that more people don't use the emergency room when they need medical assistance for their menstruation and tummy aches from eating too many Twinkies. 


Fri, 01/11/2013 - 14:46 | 3144916 IridiumRebel
IridiumRebel's picture

One "lady" once took and ambulance to get to the ER cuz it is close to the deli she likes cuz they got her smokes. $450 pack smokes you and I pay for. 

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 14:36 | 3144884 DollarDive
DollarDive's picture

Oh yeah I'm also a fat freaking overweight slob that hasn't done a shred of exercise in 5 years.  I eat McDonalds for lunch three days a week and drink a case of Bud Talls every weekend.  Wonder why I'm getting the FLU ? 

Sat, 01/12/2013 - 09:27 | 3146860 Bob
Bob's picture

Shitty beer gets you every time. 

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 14:27 | 3144863 adr
adr's picture

Economic weakness is April will be blamed on the showers, May blamed on the flowers.

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 17:13 | 3145486 Oleander
Oleander's picture

The pollen keeps many indoors. That and the damn bees.

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 14:33 | 3144869 DollarDive
DollarDive's picture

4500 cases out of 100mm people ...hmmm maybe it is being hyped just a bit !!..... Only 1% of those being tested are testing positive... enough with the bullshit.  


Oh NO... government bond auction failing, must be the FLU !!  


I'm staying home and watching "The Tiny Dot"

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 14:40 | 3144896 FTheEstablishment
FTheEstablishment's picture

Wouldn't be winter without flu propaganda.

CBS news may as well be one long pharma commercial. There was a video of someone saying "i was coughing, dizyy, and had a sore throat" - fucking really????! That's what happens when you get sick! This is supposed to make me run out and get a flu shot? Pathethic as usual. 

On the frightening side, I wouldn't be suprised if they try to parlay this into a mandatory flu shot at the beginning of every school year. 

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 14:42 | 3144902 FoeHammer
FoeHammer's picture

Seems like everbody has the Fiat Flu these days...

Gold is medicine, bitchez.

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 14:47 | 3144925 koncaswatch
koncaswatch's picture

As usual: Wash DC area - Not Sufficient Data

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 14:56 | 3144944 Lord Of Finance
Lord Of Finance's picture

I hate you Charles Schwab.

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 14:57 | 3144965 ThaBigPerm
ThaBigPerm's picture

<- Out sick with the flu + sick pay = recession.

<- Home unemployed + unemployment check = stimulus.

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 15:22 | 3145004 AgAu_man
AgAu_man's picture

Looks like someone got curious and went to the obvious site -- CDC:

I'd like to see the map extend into Canada and Mexico.  Can't speak for our southern Amigos, but I do know that the Canucks have this data also.  Oh, wait, I found it:

Looks like the incidence rate drops with lower pop. density in northern Canada -- duh! -- but also because all kinds of 'bugs' (viruses, bacteria, fungi, cockroaches, etc.) frikkin' HATE the Canadian winters, but love the sunny, warm/hot climates down south.  Bio-101. 

Preppers are better off in Montana and Alberta than in Florida, California.  We have a nice, rural place by a body of water and sizable arable land in Canada.  1-day drive from US.  Good insurance policy that's fun to visit.  The neighbors are not into US-style 'domestic armories', but do have guns for hunting (fowl, beaver, deer, elk, moose).  They tell me I can come along with them on the next Beaver hunt.  ;-)  They are big into DIY stuff, preserving food, crafts, exchanging stuff as gifts.  They feel more 'connected' that way.  "Eh."



Sat, 01/12/2013 - 03:40 | 3146702 TheObsoleteMan
TheObsoleteMan's picture

Actually, you got it all wrong. Down here in Florida, the flu is a rare thing for those of us who live here as year around residents. You Canadians and New Englanders bring it down with you when you visit for the winter. Scientific studies state three reasons why flu activity is low in Florida; 1. The bright sun acts as a antiseptic. It kills off the germs and viruses. 2. The sun causes production of vitamin D, a proven powerful immune booster. 3. The heat keeps your nasal passages moist. No drying out from fan-forced heat furnaces. Dry throats and nasal passages are the welcome mat to the flu. And to just let you know: Almost the entire central and south of Florida rest upon huge underground aquifers. That is why we have so many sinkholes.

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 16:31 | 3145347 mr. mirbach
mr. mirbach's picture

Congress needs to pass a total Flu Ban, asap! Ban all Flu virus from entering into the country, add the Flu virus to the Terrorist Watch list and No Fly list.  That will certainly fix the problem. 

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 17:34 | 3145549 edifice
edifice's picture

I was strongly encouraged by my employer to get vaccinated (do it or lose your job). That night, I was running a fever and sick for two days after.

So, Get Flu Shot -> Get Sick -> Repeat

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