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Blame It On The Flu

Tyler Durden's picture




 

Economic weakness in November was blamed on Hurricane Sandy. Economic weakness in December was blamed on the Fiscal Cliff. Now, we know what economic weakness in January will be blamed on: the flu. And, as the old saying goes: "Flu got you down? Take two QEs and see the chairman in the morning."

From Google:

And the CDC's Interactive FluView screen:

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Fri, 01/11/2013 - 13:22 | 3144569 Mongo
Mongo's picture

Not on the boogie?

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 13:24 | 3144587 Lohn Jocke
Lohn Jocke's picture

Sorry boss, I can't make it in to work today. I have Diarrhea.

They never question that one.

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 13:28 | 3144608 pine_marten
pine_marten's picture

That always worked for when I wanted to leave high school early too.

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 13:37 | 3144651 WhyDoesItHurtWh...
WhyDoesItHurtWhen iPee's picture

4 out of 5 Fedophiles recommend Ponzicodone for symptons of Fecal Cliff and nausea.

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 15:14 | 3145021 Janice
Janice's picture

More government lies. We're feeling fine in Florida.

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 13:38 | 3144658 francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

I thought Obama 'banned' the flu when all those kids got sick that one time... 

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 13:42 | 3144673 whotookmyalias
whotookmyalias's picture

Wasn't blame it on the flu a Milli Vinilli song?

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 13:48 | 3144695 Snakeeyes
Snakeeyes's picture

But, but, Krugman's broken window theory of Sandy should mean that GDP should skyrocket!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

http://confoundedinterest.wordpress.com/2013/01/11/more-housing-angst-us...

Sat, 01/12/2013 - 07:04 | 3146779 IamtheREALmario
IamtheREALmario's picture

That executive order got lost amongst the thousands the wannabee dictator in chief spews out, claiming powers he was not given, has not earned and does not deserve.

... and from the video coverage, he still has the golf swing of a little girl.

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 13:27 | 3144600 Yellowhoard
Yellowhoard's picture

I'm not sure if I've got the rock n roll fever or the boogie woogie flu?

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 13:33 | 3144629 tnquake
tnquake's picture

Commonly called the "Green Apple Quick Step"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SIZU_NZRfjA

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 13:46 | 3144686 The Gooch
The Gooch's picture

Bloomberg has limited it to one.

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 16:35 | 3145368 Freddie
Freddie's picture

Test run of the NWO weaponsized flu.  Part of ObaCare to get rid of older white folks.

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 17:30 | 3145507 Flakmeister
Flakmeister's picture

Well politically it is more feasible than real Medicare cuts...

But seriously, how much time do you spend dreaming up the utter nonsense that you type?

It really is;nt that funny unless you frequent places where you expect low-brow KKK type hang out..

Edit: Hey, I get it now, Yo! Crockett and Newem (however the fuck you spell it), someone is here to see you..

Sat, 01/12/2013 - 00:06 | 3146470 TheProphet
TheProphet's picture

Were that only true. The last pandemic killed the young, not the elderly. The body of a younger person fought the infection harder, thus inducing much higher fever and a much higher fatality rate.

Sat, 01/12/2013 - 01:31 | 3146596 Flakmeister
Flakmeister's picture

Correct....

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 13:22 | 3144571 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

It's all good mayor bloomfuck says you may just have to suffer a little. No biggie.

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 15:05 | 3144997 lolmao500
lolmao500's picture

Bloomberg better start legalizing meth to save the childrenz!

http://news.msn.com/rumors/rumor-meth-can-cure-the-flu

Meth can cure the flu

A study found that meth could suppress replication of the influenza A virus responsible for the flu.

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 13:22 | 3144573 Bohm Squad
Bohm Squad's picture

Kleenex and Charmin are cleaning up!

 

 

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 13:24 | 3144584 Itch
Itch's picture

Thats down to all the wankers in the world though.

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 13:22 | 3144576 Lohn Jocke
Lohn Jocke's picture

THREE, THREE, THREE, THREE, THREE, THREE, THREE, THREE, CORNER ON THE MARKET.

 

Suckers.

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 13:25 | 3144591 Flakmeister
Flakmeister's picture

We are overdue for a good ol'fashioned pandemic...

Make sure you have lots of popcorn handy when it happens...

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 13:26 | 3144599 catacl1sm
catacl1sm's picture

While highly contagious, this year's flu strains aren't particularly virulent.

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 13:37 | 3144645 IPA
IPA's picture

I suggest looking up the word virulent before you contradict yourself.

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 14:09 | 3144804 Flakmeister
Flakmeister's picture

Touche....

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 14:15 | 3144828 ShankyS
ShankyS's picture

I thought he was quoting CNBC

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 13:43 | 3144677 tickhound
tickhound's picture

The art of sickness without death...

Sounds perfect for Big Pharma and the 'flu stawks.'     

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 15:14 | 3145015 ParkAveFlasher
ParkAveFlasher's picture

+1 And with so much Ny Quil flying off the shelves, Obama should have an easy time to keep soldiers in the Poppy Fields securing those raw materials. 

In other news, one small banner fro Bad Idea tshirts, one giant tent pitched in my pantaloons.

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 18:47 | 3145747 Panafrican Funk...
Panafrican Funktron Robot's picture

Novovirus = big money for toilet paper manufacturers.  

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 17:02 | 3145449 Oleander
Oleander's picture

I had the swine flu now I have super immunity. They are looking into wether or not the H1N1 vaccine may have also given extra immunity against flu. 

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 13:26 | 3144594 topspinslicer
topspinslicer's picture

Nothing like some qe cash to make you feel better -- jumping jacks after converting to some shiney rounds and bars

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 13:26 | 3144595 Skateboarder
Skateboarder's picture

(1) Get flu vaccine --> (2) get flu --> (3) go back to (1).

It's national flu month, huh. Is Hallmark milkin the shit out of it yet?

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 13:26 | 3144597 risk-reward
risk-reward's picture

Wonder if The Bernake will punch out early?

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 13:29 | 3144612 topspinslicer
topspinslicer's picture

"Wonder if The Bernake will punch out early?"

IT DOESN'T MATTA' !!!!! don't you think they got them there the automatic pilot feature on them there new fangeled printers!

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 13:31 | 3144625 risk-reward
risk-reward's picture

How foolish of me.  Of COURSE Janet knows how to run the printers !

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 13:27 | 3144603 topspinslicer
topspinslicer's picture

Biden needs to have a flu summit concerning flu control -- make this bitch earn his keep with endless meetings I says

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 13:28 | 3144606 pods
pods's picture

I see the CDC is doing all it can to remain relevant?

I can't wait till summer when the government tells me what to do outside in the heat.

No doubt we will be deluged with more flu shot propaganda?  

BAAAAAAAH.

Free advice: Almost everyone is deficient in Vitamin D.  

pods

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 13:58 | 3144749 francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

An occasional 'roll around' tumble on your silver coin stack ought to cure most ailments...

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 14:22 | 3144852 pods
pods's picture

I used to keep a silver quarter in the dog's water bowl.

Silver is a potent antibiotic.  Never saw success with anything viral, but bacterial it works wonders.

pods

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 14:34 | 3144877 Harbanger
Harbanger's picture

Great idea.  I should get my dog a silver bowl.

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 16:39 | 3145379 Freddie
Freddie's picture

What about tungsten.

This flu epidemic is a test run for the NWO/Hopey Changey's biologics part of TSA/Homeland Security.

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 14:05 | 3144786 Harbanger
Harbanger's picture

I had the flu last week.  Lasted about 4 days, now I feel great.  Took zinc right away and it seemed to work.

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 15:14 | 3145023 ParkAveFlasher
ParkAveFlasher's picture

TERRIST!!!

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 13:29 | 3144614 HaroldWang
HaroldWang's picture

Bullish for AMZN - I'm upgrading it from hold your nose screaming buy to mega insane buy with a price target of 3000 based on this info.

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 14:33 | 3144874 Squid Vicious
Squid Vicious's picture

waiting for amzn to break out above 275, then I will start buying

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 13:30 | 3144616 silverserfer
silverserfer's picture

brought to you by tamiflu

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 13:36 | 3144644 Skateboarder
Skateboarder's picture

Whoever made that name needs to write "I won't come up with crappy product names" on a blackboard for at least a month.

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 13:30 | 3144618 topspinslicer
topspinslicer's picture

AlGore is gonna monetize this flu season you betcha!!!! Fat asse retard face

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 13:54 | 3144729 Greater Fool
Greater Fool's picture

He invented the flu, you know.

Fri, 01/11/2013 - 14:03 | 3144779 knukles
knukles's picture

I though he invented the Internet.

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