"May The Farce Be With You" - White House Responds To Imperial Death Star Petition

Tyler Durden's picture




 

Almost a year ago, in February 2012, Zero Hedge decided to "think outside the box" and take Keynesianism and post-Chartalism (or whatever three letter acronym it is better known as these days) to their absurd, thought-experimental limits with "A Modest Proposal To Boost US GDP By $852 Quadrillion: Build The Imperial Death Star" - a suggestion that instead of growing US debt in dribs and drabs (because as any Ivy league tenured econ Ph.D will tell you, "debt is wealth"), that the US should go the whole hog and just splurge some $852 quadrillion in new debt (don't worry, MMT says that's just a token, no pun intended, amount) to build an Imperial Death Star, a project that would immediately hike US GDP by a factor of 56,000 and create several trillion new jobs, ensuring economic utopia in perpetuity, not to mention galactic dominance. We were mostly joking. We also assume that the creator of a White House petition launched in November to "Secure resources and funding, and begin construction of a Death Star by 2016" was also mostly joking. However, as that petition promptly accumulated well over 34,000 signatures, the White House had no choice but to respond. Here are the White House's thoughts on becoming the next iteration of the Galactic Empire (and, by implication, Barack Obama becoming Emperor Palpatine reincarnated).

From the White House:

Official White House Response to Secure resources and funding, and begin construction of a Death Star by 2016.

This Isn't the Petition Response You're Looking For

By Paul Shawcross

The Administration shares your desire for job creation and a strong national defense, but a Death Star isn't on the horizon. Here are a few reasons:

  • The construction of the Death Star has been estimated to cost more than $850,000,000,000,000,000. We're working hard to reduce the deficit, not expand it.
  • The Administration does not support blowing up planets.
  • Why would we spend countless taxpayer dollars on a Death Star with a fundamental flaw that can be exploited by a one-man starship?

However, look carefully (here's how) and you'll notice something already floating in the sky -- that's no Moon, it's a Space Station! Yes, we already have a giant, football field-sized International Space Station in orbit around the Earth that's helping us learn how humans can live and thrive in space for long durations. The Space Station has six astronauts -- American, Russian, and Canadian -- living in it right now, conducting research, learning how to live and work in space over long periods of time, routinely welcoming visiting spacecraft and repairing onboard garbage mashers, etc. We've also got two robot science labs -- one wielding a laser -- roving around Mars, looking at whether life ever existed on the Red Planet.

Keep in mind, space is no longer just government-only. Private American companies, through NASA's Commercial Crew and Cargo Program Office (C3PO), are ferrying cargo -- and soon, crew -- to space for NASA, and are pursuing human missions to the Moon this decade.

Even though the United States doesn't have anything that can do the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs, we've got two spacecraft leaving the Solar System and we're building a probe that will fly to the exterior layers of the Sun. We are discovering hundreds of new planets in other star systems and building a much more powerful successor to the Hubble Space Telescope that will see back to the early days of the universe.

We don't have a Death Star, but we do have floating robot assistants on the Space Station, a President who knows his way around a light saber and advanced (marshmallow) cannon, and the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency, which is supporting research on building Luke's arm, floating droids, and quadruped walkers.

We are living in the future! Enjoy it. Or better yet, help build it by pursuing a career in a science, technology, engineering or math-related field. The President has held the first-ever White House science fairs and Astronomy Night on the South Lawn because he knows these domains are critical to our country's future, and to ensuring the United States continues leading the world in doing big things.

If you do pursue a career in a science, technology, engineering or math-related field, the Force will be with us! Remember, the Death Star's power to destroy a planet, or even a whole star system, is insignificant next to the power of the Force.

Paul Shawcross is Chief of the Science and Space Branch at the White House Office of Management and Budget

Tell us what you think about this response and We the People.

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Sat, 01/12/2013 - 11:28 | 3146965 Dr.
Dr.'s picture

We should get Europe and the BRICs to pay for it! They can have an IOUaSpaceFlightTicket in return!

Sat, 01/12/2013 - 12:22 | 3147031 bigdumbnugly
bigdumbnugly's picture

death star brought to you by a bunch of low lifes that do look like they are frequent denizens of the star wars bar.   so makes perfect sense to me.

Sat, 01/12/2013 - 12:26 | 3147033 Cheesy Bastard
Cheesy Bastard's picture

It would be a pain in the ass to build.  "These are not the 'roids you're looking for".

Sat, 01/12/2013 - 13:24 | 3147104 BLOTTO
BLOTTO's picture

There is already a death star in space...the International Space Station.

.

Operated by the occult organization NASA.

.

Wait until they project some holographic images from the ISS of a faked alien invasion...or some other bulshit. To decieve the masses yet again...

.

You think that floating piece of shit can just measure wind currents and oceans tides?

 

Sat, 01/12/2013 - 13:40 | 3147140 Chupacabra-322
Chupacabra-322's picture

Bulid it, activate it, point it straight at D.C and FIRE!!!  All the world's problems solved in an instant.

Sat, 01/12/2013 - 15:51 | 3147403 FEDbuster
FEDbuster's picture

Sell advertising on it, Death Star sponsored by Raytheon comes to mind.  Plus, the spots at the food court should command a premium rent. 

Sat, 01/12/2013 - 16:12 | 3147431 Snakeeyes
Snakeeyes's picture

Speaking of death or debt stars, the Administration has no probemo with soaring debt and spending. Obama as Darth Vader!

http://confoundedinterest.wordpress.com/2013/01/12/debt-star-federal-deb...

Sat, 01/12/2013 - 16:18 | 3147436 knukles
knukles's picture

WWWD?

What Would the Wookie Do?

Sat, 01/12/2013 - 16:34 | 3147454 prains
prains's picture

He'd build a 16 trillion dollar coin, prubem sholved

Sat, 01/12/2013 - 18:03 | 3147593 shinyindallas
shinyindallas's picture

LTWW
Let The Wookie Win

Sun, 01/13/2013 - 01:38 | 3148337 dannyboy
dannyboy's picture

This would have been so much more exciting if Newt was president.

Sun, 01/13/2013 - 03:59 | 3148459 Albertarocks
Albertarocks's picture

LTWW

Laxatives Terminated Willie Wonka

Sun, 01/13/2013 - 22:09 | 3149756 jumbo maverick
jumbo maverick's picture

Also they could attach a big long banner on the Death Star just like an old bi plane would have. As the banner flutters while the Death Star moves through space you could read the banner from earth.

It would read- BUY AMERICAN BUY GM

Sat, 01/12/2013 - 20:19 | 3147815 Doomer
Doomer's picture

Seriously, we're letting Canadians on the ISS?

Did we need gas money or something?  Maybe they're of the hot, blonde and female variety.  Gas, ass or grass!

Sat, 01/12/2013 - 20:19 | 3147821 prains
prains's picture

nope

 

you needed schmokes an a pancake

Sat, 01/12/2013 - 20:46 | 3147864 Flakmeister
Sun, 01/13/2013 - 04:06 | 3148467 Albertarocks
Albertarocks's picture

Your links weren't all that helpful.  Neither of those articles mentions which country built those Canadarms.  My guess would be Paris.  Yeah that's right... the country of Paris.

Sun, 01/13/2013 - 12:17 | 3148785 merizobeach
merizobeach's picture

"A lot of people liked Toronto, America. But I thought it was a shithole."

Sat, 01/12/2013 - 23:41 | 3148152 Half_A_Billion_...
Half_A_Billion_Hollow_Points's picture

it's not like, you know, "canadians", it's just three beavers actually.  

 

catch up on your science dude

Sun, 01/13/2013 - 04:01 | 3148462 Albertarocks
Albertarocks's picture

Yup!  Designated driver.  There's a party goin' on up there doncha know?

Sat, 01/12/2013 - 12:32 | 3147045 Boris Alatovkrap
Boris Alatovkrap's picture

Man on moon - worth is every dollar of fiat currency.

Sat, 01/12/2013 - 13:25 | 3147112 krispkritter
krispkritter's picture

Fine, let's start with Obama, Ben, and Timmah...3 suits, one O2 tank. Pay Per View...

Sat, 01/12/2013 - 13:53 | 3147172 A Nanny Moose
A Nanny Moose's picture

Choom-Star

Sat, 01/12/2013 - 14:17 | 3147052 SafelyGraze
SafelyGraze's picture

the "hey kids! thanks for all your *great* questions!" tone goes back at least to the days of the colonists' grievances.

We're living in the future. Now. And it's a big future. A bright future. 
But securing that future isn't free. We all must pay our fair share.
Whether in the form of paying a stamp tax or a tea tax, feeding troops assigned to your house, or waiving your right to a trial, each of us has a role to play in taking the next step forward.

Your king,
George 

Sat, 01/12/2013 - 14:51 | 3147295 Beam Me Up Scotty
Beam Me Up Scotty's picture

"We're working hard to reduce the deficit, not expand it"

I LOL'd.

Sat, 01/12/2013 - 20:21 | 3147825 Doomer
Doomer's picture

Yes, that was a real knee-slapper.

Sat, 01/12/2013 - 16:03 | 3147419 SAT 800
SAT 800's picture

Ouch. That hit entirely too close to home. Isn't it King Obama now? I think King George is reading comic books on his ranch in Texas.

Sat, 01/12/2013 - 13:28 | 3147116 Never One Roach
Never One Roach's picture

Too much reading and way, way too much Math. Forget it!

Sat, 01/12/2013 - 11:30 | 3146969 AssFire
AssFire's picture

So like this is even possible... kinda reminds me of the old adage:

If my aunt had balls- she'd be my uncle.

 

Sat, 01/12/2013 - 11:30 | 3146970 SnobGobbler
SnobGobbler's picture

sounds like they are still considering it.  GDP-to-the-moon!

Sat, 01/12/2013 - 12:27 | 3147035 edb5s
edb5s's picture

I'm anxious to hear a response from Paul "When Mars Attacks" Krugman. This sort of thing is right up his alley.

Sat, 01/12/2013 - 11:31 | 3146971 lolmao500
lolmao500's picture

Still no answers on the secession petitions... that would force too much people to take the issue seriously... so better ignore it and hopes it goes away.

Sat, 01/12/2013 - 11:43 | 3146985 john39
john39's picture

this death star petition is a stupid distraction...  the U.S. military is already the equivalent of the death star....   forget about the fact that U.S. is broke thanks to using debt instead of money...   the U.S. still outspends other countries on "defense" (how orwellien) than most other countries defined...  you know, to defend the American people, or something.    time to end the stupidity.

Sat, 01/12/2013 - 12:10 | 3147020 Flakmeister
Flakmeister's picture

The military is the economy is the military.....

And so on....

Hell, we are even doing the ol' Roman mercenary thingie, a true harbinger of inevitable downfall.... 

Sat, 01/12/2013 - 13:11 | 3147086 RockyRacoon
RockyRacoon's picture

Not necessarily.  The Death Star proposal is akin to the Trillion Dollar Coin thingy.  Reductio ad absurdum is a valid and effective argumentative course of action.  Depicting how utterly stupid both proposals are just shines a light on the current Gov't actions.  How different is the DS from a bridge to nowhere?   How different is the paper dollar in one's pocket (a 3.5 cent product) from the high-denomination platinum coin?  The rabble can look at these proposals and draw their own conclusions and see how goofy all this is.  Isn't one's own enlightenment more effective than having someone else explain it with charts/graphs and economic theory? 

Sat, 01/12/2013 - 15:03 | 3147202 Flakmeister
Flakmeister's picture

Since we are both in agreeement that the existing system is fubar, then it makes perfect sense to turn a trillion or 2 fiatcos into some non portable infrastructure, e.g. solar arrays to provide 50% of electricity demand... Borrow it, build it, default and dare anyone to repossess...

A death star is another thingie though....

Edit: BTW, Platinum was mentioned because no laws exist regarding the minting of Pt coins...

Sat, 01/12/2013 - 12:05 | 3147013 Eahudimac
Eahudimac's picture

I had an answer in my e-mail inbox this morning to the North Carolina secession petition. They said no.

 

Petition Response: Our States Remain United

By Jon Carson, Director of the Office of Public Engagement

Thank you for using the White House's online petitions platform to participate in your government.

In a nation of 300 million people -- each with their own set of deeply-held beliefs -- democracy can be noisy and controversial. And that's a good thing. Free and open debate is what makes this country work, and many people around the world risk their lives every day for the liberties we often take for granted.

But as much as we value a healthy debate, we don't let that debate tear us apart.

Our founding fathers established the Constitution of the United States "in order to form a more perfect union" through the hard and frustrating but necessary work of self-government. They enshrined in that document the right to change our national government through the power of the ballot -- a right that generations of Americans have fought to secure for all. But they did not provide a right to walk away from it. As President Abraham Lincoln explained in his first inaugural address in 1861, "in contemplation of universal law and of the Constitution the Union of these States is perpetual." In the years that followed, more than 600,000 Americans died in a long and bloody civil war that vindicated the principle that the Constitution establishes a permanent union between the States. And shortly after the Civil War ended, the Supreme Court confirmed that "[t]he Constitution, in all its provisions, looks to an indestructible Union composed of indestructible States."

Although the founders established a perpetual union, they also provided for a government that is, as President Lincoln would later describe it, "of the people, by the people, and for the people" -- all of the people. Participation in, and engagement with, government is the cornerstone of our democracy. And because every American who wants to participate deserves a government that is accessible and responsive, the Obama Administration has created a host of new tools and channels to connect concerned citizens with White House. In fact, one of the most exciting aspects of the We the People platform is a chance to engage directly with our most outspoken critics.

So let's be clear: No one disputes that our country faces big challenges, and the recent election followed a vigorous debate about how they should be addressed. As President Obama said the night he won re-election, "We may have battled fiercely, but it's only because we love this country deeply and we care so strongly about its future."

Whether it's figuring out how to strengthen our economy, reduce our deficit in a responsible way, or protect our country, we will need to work together -- and hear from one another -- in order to find the best way to move forward. I hope you'll take a few minutes to learn more about the President's ideas and share more of your own.

 

Sat, 01/12/2013 - 13:17 | 3147100 JR
JR's picture

First: Abraham Lincoln was not a founder of this country. And his views, even in office, changed to fit his situation.

The Founders greatly feared, despised and opposed the formation of a democracy, exactly what has been described in this letter.

The dangers of a democracy are that a mob, controlled by an elite, would overrule the rights and happiness of the minority. More than any administration in history, the Obama group has signaled the end of any state’s rights and the Constitution they swore to uphold, opening the borders to voters who would support socialism and vote for confiscation of Americans’ private property, literally dissolving any value of the ballot box. 

Any student of history knows that at least several of the states that agreed to join the Union agreed only under the understanding that they would have the right to secede

Lincoln, on whose Bible Obama will swear what little commitment such a person could bring to this nation, was the actor who could destroy the Republic on the condition that 600,000 Americans would die. Lincoln did not speak for the Founders, and he knew it. And the Obama White House, it turns out, does not speak for anybody except the international bankers.

How dare the White House to suggest that the Constitution of the United States gives them the authority to respond to citizens in this way, as if they were subjects pleading for alms from a Leviathan government and at the same time urged to be content that the favor has been denied.

This nation was founded on the principles outlined by Jefferson who, unlike Lincoln, was a Founder, declaring that the people forming a government were:

“deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed; that whenever any form of government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the right of the people to alter or abolish it, and to institute new government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their safety and happiness.”

If this letter isn’t proof that this country needs a major political and structural overhaul, how many more pieces of evidence will be required?

 

Sat, 01/12/2013 - 14:03 | 3147193 nmewn
nmewn's picture

+1 JR

I saw that too in the response John got...that word again, democracy. Approved (apparently) by our "constitutional law professor president".

So how is this centralized federal democracy thingy working out now that the republic consisting of individual states has been transformed into it?

Senators are no longer placed in DC to look after the INDIVIDUAL STATES RIGHTS as they are now popularly elected to pander to the citizenry for re-election. Once there, they cut their backroom deals to enrich themselves by bilking said citizens of their labor/money...and come out millionaires.

Stupid democratic sheeple.

The very first act of government (formed under this constitution) is in fact, self perpetuation...but that has never precluded us from putting a stop to it or changing it.

This is another natural right that no piece of paper or government can ever give or take away at its leisure. Rights don't come from ANY government, they can only be acknowledged, restricted or ignored by it.

To think otherwise is to say the Founders themselves had no right to rebel and form another in the first place.

One can only assume civics is not taught anymore in the "government factory schools" ;-)

Sat, 01/12/2013 - 15:33 | 3147378 centerline
centerline's picture

Civics is no longer taught in public schools - at least in my area.

Sat, 01/12/2013 - 16:31 | 3147449 knukles
knukles's picture

Nope.  All sorts of LBGT, Rastafarian, unequal precursors to hate, respect for the height impaired criminally insane and euthanasia, optimal redistribution of resources and wealth, the evils of capitalism evils of free markets, sanctity of government, disrepute of ethics and moral standards as embodied in philosophical considerations, inappropriateness of philosophy, dangers of lacrosse and high diving, respect for gender equality, right of every person to get a job from the government, application for EBT cards, public haranguing, responsibility to protect, loafing and narcissism.
Lots of additional great classes.
All supported by innumerable administrators who effectively do naught, the teachers unions and non performance based compensation all supported by upwardly rigged property taxes and fees never agreed to by the electorate collected at the point of a spear.
Additional funding provided by the federal gubamint reallocating  resources to ensure the dogma of left leaning overly large government meets with universal indoctrinated approval of the mindless drones passed through said conforming institutions.
But nope, not a fucking civics class in sight.

(Wouldn't want to teach anybody about those subversive documents like the Declaration of Independence, Constitution and Bill of Rights now, would we? Or just civil behavior like please and thank you.)

Sat, 01/12/2013 - 17:24 | 3147527 RockyRacoon
RockyRacoon's picture

Had dinner with a couple and their 8th grade daughter the other night.  Daughter was talking about school and I asked if they teach "Civics" like when I was in grade school.  I described what we were taught.  She was clueless on any of the particulars of the course. She says no, but they call it Social Sciences.  I was afraid to ask just what was being taught.  I was trying to stay civil.

Sat, 01/12/2013 - 15:28 | 3147361 Afrispaans
Afrispaans's picture

"A long and bloody civil war that vindicated that principle..." So does this mean that if the South had won, the right to secede would have been "vindicated"? This is an essentially Maoist view of the use of force to define morals. Or shocking English. Doubleplusungood. 

Sat, 01/12/2013 - 18:14 | 3147609 S.N.A.F.U.
S.N.A.F.U.'s picture

Might makes right, bitchez!  Spread the word -- Obama says it's so!  And he's proven it too:  Did he have you assassinated?  Then you're a terrorist!  QED

Sat, 01/12/2013 - 12:06 | 3147016 JohnG
JohnG's picture

 

 

I did get one:

 

From: The White House <info@messages.whitehouse.gov>
Date: Fri, Jan 11, 2013 at 7:50 PM
Subject: Petition Response: Our States Remain United

 

 


Petition Response: Our States Remain United

By Jon Carson, Director of the Office of Public Engagement

Thank you for using the White House's online petitions platform to participate in your government.

In a nation of 300 million people -- each with their own set of deeply-held beliefs -- democracy can be noisy and controversial. And that's a good thing. Free and open debate is what makes this country work, and many people around the world risk their lives every day for the liberties we often take for granted.

But as much as we value a healthy debate, we don't let that debate tear us apart.

Our founding fathers established the Constitution of the United States "in order to form a more perfect union" through the hard and frustrating but necessary work of self-government. They enshrined in that document the right to change our national government through the power of the ballot -- a right that generations of Americans have fought to secure for all. But they did not provide a right to walk away from it. As President Abraham Lincoln explained in his first inaugural address in 1861, "in contemplation of universal law and of the Constitution the Union of these States is perpetual." In the years that followed, more than 600,000 Americans died in a long and bloody civil war that vindicated the principle that the Constitution establishes a permanent union between the States. And shortly after the Civil War ended, the Supreme Court confirmed that "[t]he Constitution, in all its provisions, looks to an indestructible Union composed of indestructible States."

Although the founders established a perpetual union, they also provided for a government that is, as President Lincoln would later describe it, "of the people, by the people, and for the people" -- all of the people. Participation in, and engagement with, government is the cornerstone of our democracy. And because every American who wants to participate deserves a government that is accessible and responsive, the Obama Administration has created a host of new tools and channels to connect concerned citizens with White House. In fact, one of the most exciting aspects of the We the People platform is a chance to engage directly with our most outspoken critics.

So let's be clear: No one disputes that our country faces big challenges, and the recent election followed a vigorous debate about how they should be addressed. As President Obama said the night he won re-election, "We may have battled fiercely, but it's only because we love this country deeply and we care so strongly about its future."

Whether it's figuring out how to strengthen our economy, reduce our deficit in a responsible way, or protect our country, we will need to work together -- and hear from one another -- in order to find the best way to move forward. I hope you'll take a few minutes to learn more about the President's ideas and share more of your own.

Tell us what you think about this response and We the People.

Stay Connected

Stay connected to the White House by signing up for periodic email updates from President Obama and other senior administration officials.

Sat, 01/12/2013 - 13:37 | 3147130 JR
JR's picture

The great H.L. Mencken explained that Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address said the soldiers sacrificed their lives “to the cause of self-determination --- government of the people, by the people, for the people should not perish from the earth.”

From Mencken: “It is difficult to imagine anything more untrue. The Union soldiers in the battle actually fought against self-determination; it was the Confederates who fought for the right of people to government themselves.”

In his first inaugural address Thomas Jefferson said: “If there be any among us who would wish to dissolve this Union or to change its republican form, let them stand undisturbed as monuments of the safety with which error of opinion may be tolerated where reason is left to combat it.”

When New England Federalists attempted to secede 15 years later, Jefferson said:

“if any state in the Union will declare that it prefers separation…to a continuance in the union…I have no hesitation in saying, ‘Let us separate.’”

If Jefferson had been present at Gettysburg when Lincoln was speaking and had stood up to say this, Lincoln would have had him shot; it would have been just one more.

Sun, 01/13/2013 - 02:26 | 3148381 AustriAnnie
AustriAnnie's picture

JR,

Back in the early days of ZeroHedge, you said something that pissed me off. Damned if i remember what it was.

But you are beginning to win me over.

Keep at it. Carry on!

+1 to you and all the ZH "old timers" who never cease to amaze me. 

P.S. I have some issues with Jefferson and the Barbary wars (Tripoli) which I'm still trying to work out. But I'll pick Jefferson over Lincoln anyday....

Sat, 01/12/2013 - 16:13 | 3147432 SAT 800
SAT 800's picture

Along and bloody war that proved if you're stupid enough the government will bullshit you into shooting other people to force them to be tax slaves too. Which is all the damn thing was about in the first place; the end-all and be-all of government, then, now, and for-evermore; the right to collect taxes from people who would otherwise be free of your particular thievery.

Sun, 01/13/2013 - 03:27 | 3148437 Rick Blaine
Rick Blaine's picture

Are you really a "John G.?"

...or is that a Memento reference?

...or both?

Sat, 01/12/2013 - 11:32 | 3146972 adr
adr's picture

Did the White House ever respond to the succession petitions or any of the other petitions that really matter?

Or did the joke of a leader only respond to petitions that are obvious jokes.

I'm sure we could get over 25k signatures for a petition to have Obama prove he really is Superman and jump off the top of the Washington Monument and fly.

Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!