Meet Mike, The Most Radioactive Fish Ever From Fukushima

Tyler Durden's picture




 

Almost two years after the awful nuclear disaster occurred, a fish caught near Fukushima on Friday January 18th had a record-breaking level of radioactive contamination over 2500x the legal limit. TEPCO measured 'Mike the Murasoi' at 254,000 becquerels per kilogram (with the limit for edible seafood at 100 becquerels). As Le Monde reports, the previous record (caught on August 21st 2012) was a mere 25,800 becquerels/kg. As further precautions, TEPCO is installing new nets 20km around the Fukushima Daichi site to avoid highly contaminated fish gettig too far and being consumed by other species. While Mike's family are no doubt distraught (at him being caught and being so radioactive), it appears (somewhat disappointingly) that there is no apparent third eye, lazer fins, legs, or other 'expected' 'blinky' malformations.

 

Mike - the slightly crispy looking Marusoi...

 

Doesn't look anything like Blinky...

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Sat, 01/19/2013 - 14:45 | 3169147 sgorem
sgorem's picture

and don't forget the Lexus Geiger, or the Infinity Mushroom Cloud, (it runs for ten years on a half pound of Plutonium and then you just toss it and replace. Sweet.......................)

Sat, 01/19/2013 - 15:37 | 3169245 The Second Rule
The Second Rule's picture

(Options) Headrights. Rights up road arr on its own!

Need a better tagline.

Sat, 01/19/2013 - 16:37 | 3169379 Enslavethechild...
EnslavethechildrenforBen's picture

Can you say "all U.S. steel comes from overseas and goes into the structure of every new building in america"? I wouldn't worry about the fish being radioactive.

Sat, 01/19/2013 - 19:06 | 3169652 The Second Rule
The Second Rule's picture

Is that joke-resistant body armor you're wearing? Must be...

Sat, 01/19/2013 - 15:43 | 3169262 El Oregonian
El Oregonian's picture

... Or that fine warm glow, after-dinner alcohol beverage known as "Naga-Sake" produced by a new company owned by USA businessmen connected to the government, and situated just on the outskirts of the Fukushima Prefecture... And... There new slogan is: "We gave up 'Critical' thinking, now we're into 'Critical' drinking". (sarc: off//

Sad state Japan finds itself in. Too bad their government, like ours, totally sucks and these criminals should be banished from the face of the earth (including their Deep Underground Military Bunkers).

Sat, 01/19/2013 - 14:22 | 3169098 H E D G E H O G
H E D G E H O G's picture

*Death and Gravity* how apropo..............

Sat, 01/19/2013 - 14:39 | 3169135 H E D G E H O G
H E D G E H O G's picture

I've never "jumped the fish" before. Maybe a few young ladies that maybe smelled like a fish, but no, can't recall any fish, but nevertheless, I can't be 100% on that.

Sat, 01/19/2013 - 16:13 | 3169313 sgorem
sgorem's picture

you musta been down arrowed by a couple of fishy females:)

Sat, 01/19/2013 - 13:22 | 3168932 SafelyGraze
SafelyGraze's picture

"The truth is that much of the time, reporters are just like everyone else: They largely believe what they read in the papers and see on TV. So each successive journalist unconsciously relied on the last for confidence in what he or she was presenting to the public. And this story was one they wanted to believe."

-DAVID FOLKENFLIK, NPR

Sat, 01/19/2013 - 13:36 | 3168977 nmewn
nmewn's picture

"Oh look! They're recycling!" Diane Sawyer

(Eye roll)

Sat, 01/19/2013 - 13:25 | 3168936 Pooper Popper
Pooper Popper's picture

FUGU!

Sun, 01/20/2013 - 13:53 | 3170668 Walt D.
Walt D.'s picture

FUGU2! 

Sat, 01/19/2013 - 13:25 | 3168938 PUD
PUD's picture

Make radioactive lemonade! Mike can be a fuel rod now along with the last bluefin tuna caught before extinction.

Sat, 01/19/2013 - 13:42 | 3168990 Alasdair
Alasdair's picture

Staying with the Simpsons theme: In Rod We Trust

Sat, 01/19/2013 - 15:24 | 3169077 HardlyZero
HardlyZero's picture

Its time for a new marketing campaign...pre-cooked fish.  We cook them before we catch them, so all you have to do is eat and enjoy.  No oven or microwave required !   Infinite shelf-life (or 600,000 years).  If you can't find your food, just turn out the lights and the blue glow will help you find your meal.

LEGAL DISCLAIMER: if you get within 10 feet of this food product your life insurance will be eliminated and your spawn will have a 24th chromozome added, and a between 1-10 random birth defects which can not be determined at this time.  By eating the product you have certified you have read this disclaimer.   ENJOY this Soylent Food Product !

Sat, 01/19/2013 - 15:32 | 3169238 The Second Rule
The Second Rule's picture

Bonzai should photoshop that one.

Sat, 01/19/2013 - 19:39 | 3169710 balolalo
balolalo's picture

"...last bluefin tuna caught before extinction."

We are fucked.  

Sun, 01/20/2013 - 03:35 | 3170261 e_goldstein
e_goldstein's picture

That's the trillion dollar tuna; and as a bonus, you CAN eat it.

Sat, 01/19/2013 - 13:25 | 3168939 Pooper Popper
Pooper Popper's picture

Bring me tasty fish

Sat, 01/19/2013 - 14:05 | 3169051 TIMBEEER
TIMBEEER's picture

Good idea. Let's drop Gollum off at the Bay of Fukushima. He'll take care of the fish problem.

Sat, 01/19/2013 - 13:27 | 3168944 Xibalba
Xibalba's picture

Just as they lied about subprime being contained, I'm sure the radiation is contained...until it's not.  

Sat, 01/19/2013 - 13:28 | 3168946 secret_sam
secret_sam's picture

    a fish caught near Fukushima on Friday January 18th had a record-breaking level of radioactive contamination over 2500x the legal limit.

Well I sure hope Mike's prosecuted to the full extent of the law.

Sat, 01/19/2013 - 13:35 | 3168974 Troll Magnet
Troll Magnet's picture

Eric Holder's ON IT!

Sat, 01/19/2013 - 13:38 | 3168984 nmewn
nmewn's picture

Ummm, errr, ahhhhhh line me up some mutant fish for a photo-op!

Sat, 01/19/2013 - 13:45 | 3169000 SafelyGraze
SafelyGraze's picture

Piers is also ON IT!

Sat, 01/19/2013 - 14:27 | 3169113 The Second Rule
The Second Rule's picture

Ban assault fish.

Sat, 01/19/2013 - 14:11 | 3169068 foxmuldar
foxmuldar's picture

I wish Holder ate it. 

Sat, 01/19/2013 - 14:23 | 3169102 GeezerGeek
GeezerGeek's picture

I wish it ate Holder.

Sat, 01/19/2013 - 17:48 | 3169517 Troll Magnet
Troll Magnet's picture

i wish it was our president instead of obullshitter-in-chief.

Sat, 01/19/2013 - 14:15 | 3169083 HardlyZero
HardlyZero's picture

Was Mike weaponized with one of those evil g*ns ?

Sun, 01/20/2013 - 03:37 | 3170262 e_goldstein
e_goldstein's picture

Yes, and then promptly sold to Mexican drug cartels.

Sat, 01/19/2013 - 13:28 | 3168947 apberusdisvet
apberusdisvet's picture

Now that both the Pacific and the Gulf are totally fucked from producing edible seafood, what's next?  A disaster in the Atlantic?

Sat, 01/19/2013 - 14:16 | 3169084 HardlyZero
HardlyZero's picture

Tri-fucta.

Sat, 01/19/2013 - 13:30 | 3168952 Schacht Mat
Schacht Mat's picture

If a radio active fish self cooks itself, is it still sushi?

Sat, 01/19/2013 - 13:49 | 3169017 Harlequin001
Harlequin001's picture

No, it becomes McDonald's hamburger I think...

Sat, 01/19/2013 - 13:30 | 3168953 Miss Expectations
Miss Expectations's picture

Do they test fish destined to become cat food for radioactivity or corexit? 

Grandma's cat food dinner option looks worse than ever.

(NO sarc:  This is really terrible news)

Sat, 01/19/2013 - 13:35 | 3168969 francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

No ~ they just grind it up & feed it to the soldiers... So don't worry ~ your cat is safe [for now]...

Sat, 01/19/2013 - 13:32 | 3168956 Monedas
Monedas's picture

2500 x legal limit and 1/10,000 x the remotest possibility of harming anyone with even 100 years of exposure !   I wouldn't eat that fish because it's ugly !  We need more radiation to accelerate genetic mutation .... because, we need people who understand Capitalism .... in all it's naked glory !

Sat, 01/19/2013 - 13:46 | 3169010 Bastiat
Bastiat's picture

I'd be happy to filet it for you.

Sat, 01/19/2013 - 14:07 | 3169060 TIMBEEER
TIMBEEER's picture

Yes, lead by example.

Sat, 01/19/2013 - 15:01 | 3169182 francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

That fish doesn't look any worse than your average Lake Erie perch...

Sat, 01/19/2013 - 13:31 | 3168957 resurger
resurger's picture

yes ma'am...Can i have Fries with that , please!

 

Sat, 01/19/2013 - 13:31 | 3168958 gould's fisker
gould's fisker's picture

It's only a matter of time before Godzilla breaks through the sea floor and wreaks havoc on Tokyo.

Sat, 01/19/2013 - 13:41 | 3168988 HardAssets
HardAssets's picture

Wish he'd swim to D.C. instead

Sun, 01/20/2013 - 03:39 | 3170263 e_goldstein
e_goldstein's picture

I'd pay a silver dollar if Godzilla made his way to NYC and stepped on Mayor Mikey.

Sat, 01/19/2013 - 13:43 | 3168996 resurger
resurger's picture

Fishzilla, lol

Sat, 01/19/2013 - 14:18 | 3169089 HardlyZero
HardlyZero's picture

Uhhh...we must...move DC to Tokyo first to defend Tokyo !  Then there will be no Mike ability to attack Tokyo...we will have the strength of the world behind Tokyo and we will defeat them utterly !

Sat, 01/19/2013 - 13:31 | 3168960 The Gooch
The Gooch's picture

"The world is in trouble."

Indeed.

Sat, 01/19/2013 - 13:33 | 3168965 patb
patb's picture

think he glows at night?

Sat, 01/19/2013 - 22:49 | 3169992 andrewp111
andrewp111's picture

In very short wavelengths he does. You just need the right kind of camera.

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