"The Federal Government Now Requires That We Ask You The Following Personal Questions"

Tyler Durden's picture

Welcome to Obamacare in action:

"The Federal Government now requires that we ask you the following personal questions. If we fail to ask these questions, we are subject to a fine."

or visually:

h/t @Shark_wahlberg

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falak pema's picture

question #1 : Do you prefer Lance or Potus?

question #2 : What is the size of a Tea party sausage?

question #3 : Would you blind date Kim K or Ben B?

If you survive that ordeal you get asked the bonus : How much gold can we confiscate from you when it drops to zilch?  (we will be doing you a favour, as you lose nothing and its fall is preplanned as according to GS its potentially radio active).

knukles's picture

Answers:

1.)  I get my boils lanced, but I've never had one potused.  Is that a misspelling or some new procedure?  Is it covered under Obamacare?

2.) I've had scones and cucumber sandwiches but never sausages at tea, so I have no idea, thank you.  PS You might try googling it. You know those guys at your search engine and information accumulation machine. 

3.) If I know who they are how the fuck can I have a blind date with them?  But neither as I'm happily married to Mrs K.  Then again from a politically correct standpoint if you're asking me if I'm gay, no, so yes, I'd prefer Kim K to Ben B because I like girls.  Or is that wrong now, too?  I'm confused.

fonzannoon's picture

i went to the movies last night. the theatre was adjacent to a high end mall on Long Island. I saw "Django". three observations...First, the mall and every restaurant in it was packed. high end restaurants too. all jammed all with crazy wait times. I am floored people still have that money to piss away. Second, a bottle of water at the movies is $4.25 on Long island. Totally insane. Third, Django was entertaining althougha few things in there made it tough to believe it's a true story, which i am pretty sure 75% of the audience was convinced it was.

in-Credible Banker's picture

Agreed Fonz.  I live in Buffalo and the big mall here is just retardedly busy.  Granted some of it is because of the multitude Canadians coming over the border from TO but at the same time it is ridiculous.  Every time I am there I think to myself - recession?  What recession????

 

 

 

 

espirit's picture

Staying warm/cool at the local mall?  How about panhandling?

We get that alot here in Florida.

fonzannoon's picture

i'm seeing more and more hitchhikers, people living out of their cars (families too) and people standing on the side of the road holding "please help" signs...but there is a 2 1/2 hr wait at cheesecake factory at 9pm while half the people have their 4 month old kids with them. completely freakin bizarre.

quasimodo's picture

I have family in Santa Babara I visit often, everytime I go there Cabrillo blvd.(waterfront) is full of nomads and panhandlers who drive down from the "cold" of northern Cali. 

CaptianSpaulding's picture

I was in Buffalo in 2007.  It was snow heaven. I always wanted to move to Buffalo. Beautiful city

in-Credible Banker's picture

You da man.  Not so much snow lately though.

dick cheneys ghost's picture

Here is the original 1966 version.........via YouTube

 

http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLE313F5D7697236E3

 

any scene's remind you of Reservoir Dogs?

knukles's picture

Fonz....  Yes.  Getting busy.  Eating, movies, ice cream treats....
But not a lotta shopping bags as far as I can tell.
But definitely busier.

Django.  I found it so over propagandized (my uber-liberal buds thought it was fantastic, BTW) that it almost became unbearable.
But, I did have a epiphany.  That many folks reaction to (not the movie)the current social environment is not that the president is black, but that his Uber-Liberal supporters think the world of him, that he is the Messiah, Because He Is Black. 

Which is so fucking racist!

Insultingly so.
Makes him Samuel L Jackson's character in the movie, the house u kno whater....
Try figuring that one out....

Ah, the propaganda machine in Over Drive

OpenThePodBayDoorHAL's picture

The ultimate Manchurian Candidate. Young, black, suave. Perfect choice to do the NWOs bidding. And have the sheeple cheering all the way!

knukles's picture

The implications of blind hypocrisy from the liberal point of view given the above perspective, is mind-boggling.  Mind numbing.
And these are the people who wish to direct our behavior.
No consideration of Natural Law, etc.
And even more so, during the 60's and 70's would have been the hippy dippies bound and determined to keep the gubamint out of their lives.... drugs, sex, rock n roll, no draft, war.....

Fucking Amazing.

Tyranny of the Freedom Bringers.
Including no outcries over expanded wars, limitations of personal freedoms....

Cathartes Aura's picture

with respect knukles, two things. . .

not all "hippy dippies" rushed headlong into the Borg to be absorbed, thus becoming your current oppressors - many people that took part in the sixties cultural revolution completely absented themselves from cultural participation, they effectively went *dark* - off the grid in so many ways.  those co-opted were just partying with the *weekend* crowds, then "grew up" and joined the $$ chasers, yeah.

and as to the reverence for a character just because he's "black" - c'mon, be it movies, or politics, for the absolute majority of amrkn history, there was automatic reverence for the spokesmen, just because they wore suits, spoke in an acceptable manner, and were white men, normal, what everyone else got measured against.

that was considered natural, everything else was novelty.  look at any product of Hollywood, or Television, newspaper reporting, most of the cultural strings were pulled by the Mad Men archetypes.

perhaps many guys here are noticing the shift simply because it's not "you" that is always the subject any more. . .

just an observation, from a cultural outsider who watches, kk.

machineh's picture

'there was automatic reverence for the spokesmen, just because they wore suits, spoke in an acceptable manner, and were white men'

Oreobama is a white man, at least on the inside.

He's living proof that pigmentation is irrelevant.

Cathartes Aura's picture

mmKay, sure, if that works for ya.

ZH comment threads, and elsewhere, say different is all.

The Second Rule's picture

Django was OK. Way overhyped, certainly not Tarantino's best, but it wasn't bad. But, as you say, it was the uber-propaganda surrounding it that made it so unbearable. Quentin's sucking some big Hollywood cock to try to get right with the white, liberal "In-Crowd." Django is simply a transmutation of Inglorious Basterds: shot in the South, and substitute Blacks for Jews and Southerners for Nazis. Quentin's been out with Hollywood for so long, guess now he decides the view is better from the other side of the velvet rope. Kill Bill was almost a work of art. But I lost nearly all respect for Quarantino after seeing Django and having to listen to a fucking straight month's worth of hate-whitey propaganda on everything from Charlie Rose to Leno to CNN to every other alphabet channel (let's see slavery's been over for how long now?), culminating in that absolutely disgusting SNL opening monologue by Jamie Foxx. His "How black is that?" race supremacist, toxic waste spewed on stage still leaves me with the dry heaves (in no small part due to hearing all the New York hipster liberals in the audience, smacking their lips and clapping along in smug self-satisfaction every time he dropped the phrase). I will never watch another movie that stars him or even includes him in a cameo appearance. And while I'm at it, fuck you New York!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Q_odSgDQeE

Dave Thomas's picture

Another fan of FEAR, god bless you sir.

 

+1000

nmewn's picture

Classic...our best & brightest, looking out for and working for you.

espirit's picture

It just gets scarier by the day, doncha know.

HD's picture

 

 

Question 1: Do find women with muscular arms attractive?

Question 2: Why haven't you signed up for facebook?

Question 3: What type of terrorist are you - foreign or domestic?

Question 4: How would you like to pay for your new Chevy Volt? Student loans available.

Question 5: Have you visited any fringe blog sites recently?

Poster_Boy's picture

Tyler, please please stop posting stuff that is so ambiguous. What questions? Your SS number for payment purposes. You're middle name? Or if you are mentally ill in which case you go in a database. That last one scares me. I'm not mentally ill, i think, but I mean define crazy? Kinda hard. You can't buy automatic weapons now so the real gun control measure that scares me is the background check expansion. How long before you get a background check for a knives. or any job? where does it end? But what fucking questions is the fed asking?

suteibu's picture

If you think you're a little crazy, you aren't.  It is only those who are convinced that they aren't crazy that you have to look out for.

espirit's picture

Sure you can buy automatic weapons now, the .gov loves you for buying their doc stamps.

ScotlandTheBrave's picture

6. Have you seen a mental health professional in the last 20yrs?

7. Do you own firearms?

TheFourthStooge-ing's picture

.

6. Have you seen a mental health professional in the last 20yrs?

Dr. Phil on channel 6.

7. Do you own firearms?

hypotenuse

Teamtc321's picture

I watched Dr. Phil once year's ago, I'm still tramatized by the shit. If I would have been the dude on the show that the good Dr. was talking to about how it was his fault his fat, nasty wife was sucking a strange cock, I would have knocked the good Dr. the fuck out. Then pissed on the stage while the other fat bitches watched, then walked out.

Fuck Dr. Phil and second coming of Zero.

 

ebworthen's picture

What are the questions?

Don't get me wrong, I think it's B.S. (what happened to Doctor/Patient confidentiality?).

I'm going to start practicing responses:

"I have no recollection of that event."

"You'll have to ask my Wife."

"You'll have to as my Dog."

"Not in this dimension."

"Only on days that end in 'Y' ."

If it is a Yes/No choice only, I will lie.

HD's picture

 My dog better keep his mouth shut if he knows whats good for him.

Poster_Boy's picture

Isn't doctor/patient confidentiality in the hypocratice oath. The only thing Obama's gun control shit did was limit clips ( I hope no more than one or two people break into your home as you may need 20 or 30 if you assaulted by five in a home invasion and it happens. Also, anyone who may have an anxiety or depression problem wont see a doctor if they like guns or won them because they will now be scared too. Obama set mental healthcare back to the 19th century and a bunch of people will now have to suffer when they could get help and become better. He should be ashamed. And that liberal dipshit Nicolas Kristof calls the mentally ill, crazies. Aren't liberals supposed to be cordial. That's like calling a black person the nigger or a jew a kike.

ebworthen's picture

Unfortunately many if not most medical schools have dropped the Hippocratic oath.

It contains that pesky "don't take a life" part that is unpopular with the abortion and euthenasia crowds.

HedgeCock's picture

hypocratic/e oath!?  Is that like when your doc knows he is injecting you with a toxic substance but he has promised the overlords to keep his mouth shut about it? Say, the flu vaccine?

Atomizer's picture

Yuri Bezmenov; ex-KGB Defector - Deception Was My Job

 

I’ve been waiting for this day to arrive. They think success is in the cards. The wind will be taken out of many foot soldiers sails.

shovelhead's picture

Foot soldiers have sails?

Who knew?

Atomizer's picture

When the government stops blowing wind, your sailboat will never make it back to port.

diogeneslaertius's picture

Bezmenov's analysis on demoralization is perennial

johngaltfla's picture

They don't want to know the answers. Not from me at least. Effen is going ot become a normal part of the response process.

Atomizer's picture

You should share your independent workings. I enjoyed your mini fictional story back then.

The Day the Dollar Died by John Galt. This wasn’t the original story you have listed today. Many of us remember your unique chapters. winks

sgorem's picture

to me it really doesn't matter what the fucking question is, i'm going to LIE to Big Brother the same way THEY lie to me, to you, and to everyother number in this country. for that matter, the WHOLE fucking world!

diogeneslaertius's picture

the poor must yet steal to survive

vato poco's picture

You're going to commit an act of civil disobedience - what our "elected" masters call a "crime" nowdays - that leaves a paper trail?

Oh how foolish. You might wanna go back to the drawing board and think this through a little more, friend.

holdbuysell's picture

They are required by law to ask. Understood. Is the person being asked the questions required by law to answer? Under the penalty of perjury?

lesterbegood's picture

Please provide me with your authority to compel me to affix my signature to any document under penalty of perjury

vato poco's picture

Relax. After all, your social security number will never be used for identification purposes. 'Cause they promised.

gimli's picture

Whatever questions they are ---- even if they don't ask them, I'm still under the opinion that the Fed deserves a fine, or some type of painful anal abuse.

A Lunatic's picture

I think he meant melon lube, which you are definitely going to want (or forever wish you had) shortly after hearing the words "bend over and grab your ankles".............

Plata con Carne's picture

It's Greek. It means 'Come and Take Them'