"The Federal Government Now Requires That We Ask You The Following Personal Questions"

Tyler Durden's picture

Welcome to Obamacare in action:

"The Federal Government now requires that we ask you the following personal questions. If we fail to ask these questions, we are subject to a fine."

or visually:

h/t @Shark_wahlberg

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mkhs's picture

Then again, thank you affirmative action.

Gimleteye's picture

Thoughts and options:

If the Doc asks the Question is he acting as an agent of the federal govt? will you be under penalty of perjury for lying and lying to a federal agent? Thus, take the fifth and refuse to answer on the grounds of potential incirmination. That alone could be construed as an answer.

Someone in this thread asked what are the questions: so if the question is: Do you have guns in your house? under the right conditions(you figure it out) the answer is honestly no.

 If the question is do you own guns, a NO  could mean you did but no longer possess them.

When the database is fully developed they can cross check answers and medications. Any lawyers on this forum?

Peter Pan's picture

Q1: Who did you vote for at the last election?

Q2: How many rounds of ammunition do you have?

Q3: Do you believe there is any truth in the 911 conspiracy theories?

Q4: Are you in favour of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan?

Q5: Should we invade Iran or just bomb it?

Q6: Do you harbour any ill feelings towards banks and their executives?

Q7: Have you had any boating accidents involving gold or silver?

Q8: Do you read Zero Hedge? (This is optional as we already know)

the grateful unemployed's picture

1) define the word "AT"

2) my ammunition is not round, it is long and pointed

3) it's not a theory

4) did Congress declare war?

5) define "WE", i really don't care if "YOU" get your ass shot off.

6) i wouldn't call them feelings, more like lower emotions.

7) and you want the GPS coordinates too?

8) i just look at the pictures, Wm Banzai mostly, and hot young Asian girls in various states of undress, should i go on?

Gimleteye's picture

Hi loose you beat me on by one minute.

Gimleteye's picture

depends on the meaning of is, doesn't it. 

How many rounds do you have? Why, none Doctor, they are too heavy to carry into your office.


chunkylover42's picture

Ask away.

Show me where it says I have to answer.

MiltonFriedmansNightmare's picture

Do the docs now read Miranda rights before the physical exam. I'm a doc myself, may start the ball rolling tomorrow.

A Lunatic's picture

Years ago I was involved in a government program during which a rather invasive questionnaire was passed out, which the Instructor indicated that participation was voluntary. The following day everyone turned in the document but me, and as it turned out I was the only person not to do so in his 17 year history in that department........and it pissed him off.......

AgAu_man's picture

Kinda says it all.  More so about the participants than the instructor or Gov.  Dr. Pavlov would be so poud.

diogeneslaertius's picture

its fine, i didnt want to go to the doctor ever again anyways


we are now all officially criminals - see you at the pool hall lads

mkhs's picture

Have you checked the stats on medical malpractice deaths?

RafterManFMJ's picture

Here's all you have to say.

"No Hablo Ingles! NO HABLO!"

This will even get you out of a DUI charge in CA.  If you are Black or Asian, keep a sombrero on hand and place on head before talking to la policia.

IridiumRebel's picture

....and at that point they hand you a prefilled EBT app with no ID required. Necessito grocerias! Gracias al governmento! Tengo mas familia se viene acqua al Estados Unidos!

the grateful unemployed's picture

they busted a sheriff for sexually harassing young women he had stopped for DUI. he would ask to touch their breasts, and then ask them to give him their panties. well finally some woman complained, and ALL of them came out to testify against this guy. (remember a DUI in CA is 10K just to start, and your attorney will get a lot more than a pair of panties), so it made me think, if i was pulled over for drinking, should i offer the cop my BVDs for a get out of jail free card? i mean i would give him ALL my underwear if he wanted. he could even feel my stuff. i would consider it an honor sir. to let you squeeze my junk, and now i must be going home, thank you.

the guy is going to get about ten years i think. (probably would have been less if he had just murdered them) but for all those women who lost their panties, and saved 10 grand, shame on you, and i hope in exchange for your new sense of justice, having escaped it yourself, that they resubmit the charges.

Money 4 Nothing's picture


Doesn't mean I have to answer them so promptly go fuck yourselfs.

And since were on the topic, I have a few questions for my Gooberment.

1. Why hasn't either 9/11event been investigated yet?

2. Why are you raising taxes when were trying to foster an economic recovery?

3. When will Eric Holder do a well deserved purp walk?

4. Why do you want to take our guns and make us victims of Federal Laws?

5. Why did the last election results turn up voter / machine fraud and hasn't been investigated?

6. How the fuck did you spend 7 Trillion within 4 years? Just curious.



tom a taxpayer's picture

Obamacare questions…I wonder how these patients answered:

 Are you now or have you ever been more than 20 pounds overweight? Oprah and Richard Simmons

Have you ever used performance enhancing drugs? Lance Armstrong and the Rolling Stones

Do you commit at least one major gaffe every time you speak in public? Joe Biden

Have you ever suffered public humiliation and cried in public? John Boehner

Have you ever engaged in risky sexual behavior?

Bill Clinton, Anthony Wiener, David Petraeus, Rep. Chris Lee, Senator John Ensign,

Senator John Edwards, Senator Larry Craig, Senator David Vitter, Rep. Mark Foley,

Rep. Gary Condit, Rep. Newt Gingrich, Rep, Mel Reynolds, Senator Robert Packwood,

Senator Gary Hary, Rep. Barney Frank, Rep. Gerry Studds, Eliot Spitzer

Governor Mark Sanford, Bill Clinton


CoolBeans's picture

Ah yes, the rISky sex question from the shrink tests...

It depends on one the definition of "is", is.

PaperBear's picture

Would 'bite me' be an acceptable response ?

Jendrzejczyk's picture

"Bite me" is ALWAYS an acceptable response.

Super Broccoli's picture

do you swear you will not think unless required by a federal agent ?


ShrNfr's picture

Sure, go ask, but don't assume I will give you an answer.

the grateful unemployed's picture

been onto this for a long time, when i talk to my MD not sure if i am talking to an insurance company representative first, and a doctor second.

Winston of Oceania's picture

Mine acts like he owns guns himself but I know he is a closet socialist so I say stupid things back like "you can't hug a child with nuclear arms".

tom a taxpayer's picture

More Obamacare questions…and wondering how this patient answered:

Have you ever worn an assault weapon on your bra? Lady Gaga

Have you ever worn more than one assault weapon on your bra? Lady Gaga

If more than one assault weapon on your bra, what is purpose of additional assault weapon…hunting?…defense against paparazzi? Lady Gaga

Have you no shame, mixing guns with sex, and glamorizing guns with your young, impressionable fans? Lady GagGa



booboo's picture

Soo, let me get this straight, you guys are afraid of a few thousand government paper pushers that cannot wipe their own ass without some help. First time you hit one in their cock sucker they will fold like a cheap lawn chair. It will be the rank and file americans and ex military that will fold up the Chocolate Fascist tent and send him packing back to Afrika, the rest of his roaches will crawl back into the shadows until the next retard Prog pops up.

Overfed's picture

No, but the various DHS/FBI/ATF jackboots do make me a little nervous. Especially when they're backed up with US military helicopter gunships, drones, and tanks.

WAMO556's picture

Helicopters, tanks and drones are NOTHING,

We have NOT been given a spirit of fear!

"Spartans, lay down your weapons"!

"Persians, come and get them"!

ziggy59's picture

Why cant we answer them like the schmuck politicians and banksters do?

"I dont know",
"I will get back to you"
"No comment"

Jendrzejczyk's picture

I'm proposing to form a resolution to form a committee to study that very question, and it will be both insightful and complete when the proposed projected committee formalizes it's final draft. From there, I'll appoint a Czar to......

lolmao500's picture


Zer0head's picture

whatever they are, they will be a work in progress

Fentonbr's picture

MEDIA loves taking us down this dangrous path of the last 4 years, "Bush's fault" to the untold damage to future generations. These destructive actions ie: banking regs, (where were the federal regulators!) by two biggest ass holes FRANK AND DODD pushing community reinvestment act, failure to prosecute the banking corruption, but endless demonizing of bankers and no one responsible for their own actions, explosive monetary policy, Regulations, obama care, Regulations, failure to protect national interests such as energy independance (perferr reliance on muslim nations that hate us and or values) etc.. Any idiot would know this is going to lead to huge huge problems, yet the media promotes more and more of it. Do they hate their children and grandchildren?, having ANY common sense or being able to read history shows we are in for big, big trouble! why push for and protect this conduct? Truly a shame to see the fall of america before our eyes and knowing it could of been averted. Maybe the dumb public will continue to buy it's someone else's fault not the DEMO's!, way to go media! It's the dam guys like Mitt Romney that have a war on women going on! Good God, wake up America before it's to late.

RSBriggs's picture

You need to understand that the country has been taken over by Satanists.  Whether or not you believe in God is irrelevant, because they DO believe in Satan, and their MO is in evil for evils sake.  They don't care about their grandchildren, they don't care about yours, they want to see it all burn, people starving, blood and riots.  Because, to them, that's cool...

GNWT's picture

Agree with almost all...


But America fell a long time ago, 

garchs have been in charge for a century and a half

1917 - Scott Nearing placed on trial for calling Woodrow

Wilson a liar, re-elected on a he kept us out of war slogan

and promptly sent troops to make sure bankers loans were safe in Europe

early scum but they all are



robertocarlos's picture

"Have you ever read a book by Solzhenitsyn?" 

lolmao500's picture

Do you know what molon labe means?

vincent's picture

We may have forgotton already that they maced kids who were loitering and talking too loud. Some weren't even talking at all.

Moving forward I doubt citizens will be so subdued, nor will our 'protectors'

lolmao500's picture

Do you vaccinate your children? If you do not, CPS will take them.

GNWT's picture

they didnt find me and my kids not vaccinated

ca exception for beliefs

told them I was a pastor of the

Church of Rhythm, Blues and Justice, they said ok



NuYawkFrankie's picture

Re The Federal Govt now requires that we ask you the following personal questions..

1) How do you rate the new TSA pre-boarding proctology exams? Would you object to your wife, teenage daughter, grandmother being tounge-kissed during same procedure?

2) Are you a "Good Neighbor"? How many violations have you reported to DHS in the past week?

3) "See Something, Say Something" Campaign. If you havent signed-up yet, what are you hiding?

4) Do you intend to make a contribution - tax-deductible - to the "Name A Drone After My Dear Departed Aunt Millie" Campaign? If not - why not?

 5)Do you know what a  "G", "U", "N" is? If so, just wait in that nice windowless back-office - that's it, right next to where the muffled sounds and thuds are coming from -  Sgt Roy D. Head will "attend" to you shortly...



... ... 

Richard Head's picture

I rented a car at Hertz recently and the dumb bitch agent asked me where in LA I planned to take the car.  Not an offhand question either -- she demanded a response for her stupid forms.  Never had that asked before.  Fuck Hertz and fuck the police state.

Northern Lights's picture

Cheap bastards. More than likely, it was to determine what rate of insurance to charge you. For instance, if you were driving the car around Beverly Hills, woulda given you a better rate than had you said you were gonna be leaving it parked in South Central.


Glass Seagull's picture

1.) Do you like anyone from the Oval Office more than "just a friend?"
2.) Do you like the First Lady's new weave?
3.) Who do you think is going to win the Super Bowl?

Everybodys All American's picture

it's time to opt out. Tell them it's none of their fucking business.