Battle Of The Hedge Rappers: Eye-Kaan Vs. Ack Man

Tyler Durden's picture

Now that it is perfectly clear that the whole "hedge" part of "hedge fund" is moot, as Ben Bernanke will never allow anything to happen to the S&P, RUT, DJIA or any other stock index, in perpetuity or at least until the music stops, whichever comes first and Simon Potter is close to running out of VIX future contracts to sell, and thus any downside protection merely takes away from upside alpha (there is a reason why idiot money is outperforming hedge funds for the 3rd year in a row), prominent hedge fund billionaires have to find other outlets to satisfy their in kind sized egos. Such as engaging in pissing contest feuds on live TV.

While we doubt either Eye-Kaan or Ack Man will engage in shootouts on the Las Vegas strip, we can't help but applaud when the "smartest guys in the room" openly talk shit about each other, such as what Ichan said about Ackman earlier on Bloomberg TV: "Look, it's no secret to the world and to Wall Street... I don't like Ackman. I have no respect for him and I don't like him and that's not a secret.... I wouldn't even say this, but it's no secret, I dislike the guy, I don't respect him." We get it, and we also get that the clear winner of Round 1 of Talking Smack is Eye-Kaan. We look look forward to the Ack Master's response with or without the Notorious Toolson chiming in.

The staredown...


And the smackdown...

On whether Icahn has a long position in Herbalife:

"I stay away from commenting on positions that we have or we don't have if they don't have a 13D on file. I will duck that question and not say yes and not say no."

On Herbalife, and whether Bill Ackman or Dan Loeb is right or wrong in their positions on the stock:

"Look, it's no secret to the world and to Wall Street - and most guys on Wall Street I sort of like and I get along with - and it's no secret I don't like Ackman. I have no respect for him and I don't like him and that's not a secret. But that doesn’t mean that I'm going to go in and buy stock in a company necessarily just to get him. Frankly, I don't like the way he did this anyway. If you're short, you go short and hey, if it goes down you make money. You don't go out and get a roomful of people to badmouth the company. If you want to be in that business, why don't you go out and join the SEC?"

On short sellers:

"They shouldn't take on the job of being a regulator. I don't think it's Ackman's job to go in and say the SEC should be looking at this and I'm going to show you why it's illegal. If it's illegal, then go to the SEC and tell them it's illegal. But don't go try and make a profit on it.

"What I think is not all at all forthright -- and he's giving all the money he makes on charity - but is he giving all the money he makes for his limited partners to charity? Doesn't that help him a great deal…if the stock goes down and his limited partners make a great profit and he becomes more famous and he gets more money in. So, he's not doing it for charity.

"I wouldn't even say this, but it's no secret, I dislike the guy, I don't respect him, I've done business with him and he wasn't forthright…that's my opinion…But the real thing is, I don't think he did this in the right way."

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prains's picture

And he's on EPO, no wait wrong guy

Never One Roach's picture

sorry, all my money is tied up in MFG.

Pairadimes's picture

Something about somebody's lunch money in third grade or something.

kliguy38's picture

Last shark in an ever shrinking pool wins... go ahead and indulge yourself in the CNBS daily sweepstakes but this game is now into the final stages of the Grand Supercycle collapse and when its will not be about winners but it will be about gl

Buck Johnson's picture

Your totally correct.  The cycle is about to collapse and who will be left is just survivors.

Pension Prick's picture

Don't worry, hedge fund Darwinism won't be kind to hedge hot shots of yesteryear. Also, smart funds are chopping fees in half:

Welcome to the new normal in Hedgistan!

Quit Your Bitchin's picture

Claymation tagteam match to follow?


Lost Wages's picture

Crosstown Beef be like crosstown traffic. Thick. Brothers be on some real shit.

"Street" mix. 

Rainman's picture

Money cannibals attacking each other is a nice diversion...but the real goal of the lot remains eating all available muppets.  

Divided States of America's picture

This is great...the Jews turning on one another (all 4 of the above)...guess that just means they have already ripped off everyone else.

chump666's picture

Awesome!  This is what we want to see.  Not Ray Dalio

More of this:

It's a dirty game.

Cdad's picture

For the last four years, we have been living through this hedge fund war bullshit.  Here, we see a audio visual example of it...the "best and the brightest" the nation has to offer, supposedly.  

In the meantime, these same geniuses have destroyed the market's integrity and chased the investing public out, preferring greenbacks printed and distributed by the endless bailout machine known as The Bernank.  Brilliant!

We are in deep shit, exponentially compounding trouble in this nation...with these tools at the wheel.  

LongSoupLine's picture



"Don't believe the hype, it's a sequel" - Public Enemy

Political_Savage's picture

Hey, if Buffet goes long preferred shares yielding 7% ann, then I'll now the fix is in and Herbalife has been deemed TBTF... screw the business model, he knows where the gov't money is!

Otherwise I'm just a bloviating, self-absorbed idiot looking for attention.

Blazed's picture

Khazarian gangsters, similar to the turf conflicts between Russian oligarch "tribe" members, which can get down right ugly.

BlueStreet's picture

It's great when you get near death that you feel like you can say whatever the hell you think.  Probably the only good thing about it.  



ziggy59's picture

I would rather watch ip man

shovelhead's picture

I can haz Herbalife?

booboo's picture

The Wrath of Icahn on the Kat Akkkkkman (excuse me hairball) ackman

secret_sam's picture

I can only imagine.


Gotta appreciate Carl's forthright style.

Kreditanstalt's picture

Why does ZH keep putting this stuff online?  Does anyone care what these hedgies and their governments do?  It's all a ridiculous Ponzi anyway...bets levered on bets levered on bets...none of it in any way related to PRODUCTIVITY.

Mom and Pop and their mutual funds, pensions, insurance...the whole lot are "invested" in the same type of paper "assets" as each other.  Can you even call buyers of CDOs, CMBS, ETFs, VIX, index funds anything except BETS?  What happens if the bottom starts to fall out of this paper pile sometime? 

What happens if someone's collateral is found to have no clothes?  People are going to find that their "wealth" was nothing more than bets predicated on actual goods production behind them or, if there is an actual business enterprise producing something, somewhere, it's so far down the rehypothecated line that Mom'n'Pop are going to find themselves 255th in line of creditors when push comes to shove and they want and need WEALTH instead of just digits...

The Herbalife economy.

Never One Roach's picture

If it was a secret before that you hated this guy, it's no longer, Carl.