Friday Humor: Miniature Predator Drone Goes On Sale To Bipolar Public Reception

Tyler Durden's picture

Just because there is a superficially-pacifist, yet supraficially genocidal, dictatorially-inclined egomaniac in every one of us, the moment the Maisto Fresh Metal Tailwinds 1:97 Scale Die Cast United States Military Aircraft - US Air Force Medium Altitude, Long Endurance, Unmanned Aerial Vehicle (UAV) RQ-1 Predator went on loss at Amazon (we would say sale, but that would imply some probability of profit, which as even the hotdog guy, knows is never going to happen at AMZN), everyone scrambled to buy one.

However, only those first in line got one: everyone else was greeted by a "Currently unavailable. We don't know when or if this item will be back in stock" sign. So what does one do: what one should have done in the first place before going for the one impulse purchase that can murder innocent children half way around the world courtesy of the latest iPad app "iKiller": read the customer reviews of course.

Below is a broad sample of the rather bipolar main street America response when faced with the opportunity of having the same great power, if not so great - or any - responsibility, as is given, by some 25% of the population (factoring for the 55% or so who don't vote) to the president of the USA, even if on a 1:97 scale.

First the big thumbs up:

By Raini Pachak

This is the best toy ever. Finally, I can pretend that I'm a winner of the Nobel Peace Prize!
It's like I'm sitting right there in the White House with my very own kill list!

By Rambone

My son is very interested in joining the Imperial forces when he grows up. He says he's not sure if he wants to help police the homeland or if he wants to invade foreign countries. So I thought a new Predator drone toy would be a nice gift for him. These drones are used both domestically and internationally, to spy on people and assassinate them at the Emperor's discretion. He just loves flying his drone around our house, dropping Hellfire missiles on Scruffy, our dog. He kept saying that Scruffy was a terror suspect and needed to be taken out. I asked him if Scruffy should get a trial first, and he quoted Lindsay Graham, Imperial Senator: "Shut up Scruffy, you don't get a trial!" I was so proud. I think I'll buy him some video games that promote martial law for Christmas.

By Maurice Cobbs

You've had a busy play day - You've wiretapped Mom's cell phone and e-mail without a warrant, you've indefinitely detained your little brother Timmy in the linen closet without trial, and you've confiscated all the Super-Soakers from the neighborhood children (after all, why does any kid - besides you, of course - even NEED a Super-Soaker for self-defense? A regular water pistol should be enough). What do you do for an encore?

That's where the US Air Force Medium Altitude, Long Endurance, Unmanned Aerial Vehicle (UAV) RQ-1 Predator from Maisto comes in. Let's say that Dad has been labeled a terrorist in secret through your disposition matrix. Rather than just arrest him and go through the hassle of trying and convicting him in a court of law, and having to fool with all those terrorist-loving Constitutional protections, you can just use one of these flying death robots to assassinate him! Remember, due process and oversight are for sissies. Plus, you get the added bonus of taking out potential terrorists before they've even done anything - estimates have determined that you can kill up to 49 potential future terrorists of any age for every confirmed terrorist you kill, and with the innovative 'double-tap' option, you can even kill a few terrorist first responders, preventing them from committing terrorist acts like helping the wounded and rescuing survivors trapped in the rubble. Don't let Dad get away with anti-American activities! Show him who's boss, whether he's at a wedding, a funeral, or just having his morning coffee. Sow fear and carnage in your wake! Win a Nobel Peace Prize and be declared Time Magazine's Person of the Year - Twice!

This goes well with the Maisto Extraordinary Rendition playset, by the way - which gives you all the tools you need to kidnap the family pet and take him for interrogation at a neighbor's house, where the rules of the Geneva Convention may not apply. Loads of fun!

By Jonathan D

Brown people around the world beware! Always ready to drop a few Hellfire's worth of freedom on unsuspecting civilian gatherings in various middle eastern nations, this Predator model is the perfect addition to any toy collection. Instead of just talking with your children about how our country conducts diplomacy by assassinating people we don't like along with whatever innocent bystanders may be in the blast radius, this Predator model allows for creative play acting and recreation of the murder scene itself. I was sorely disappointed to find out that it's now out of stock and I can't buy dozens more to add to the realism.

By Mr. Ronald M. Ayers

Like most children, my sons and daughters fantasize a lot about killing, usually their teachers and/or other kids at school. For a modest amount of money this toy allows them to take their fantasies to a new level. Instead of using a toy gun or knife or even a video game, this baby takes their blood lust over the top. Now, with a fleet of killer drones, mass genocide of third world peoples is possible for my little ones. As others have noted, a lack of bloodied bodies to go along with the drone is a problem. Perhaps the maker will see fit to remedy that problem in the future.

BTW, I first found about about the toy drones through my children's therapist. The kids have been torturing kittens and puppies and the wife and I sent them to a headshrinker to try to get them to transfer their murderous impulses to third world humans. Their therapist recommended this little gem of a toy. The kids are so excited by it, my son is even talking about joining the military when he turns 18 just so he can pilot a drone. Thank you Amazon for making this excellent product available so kids can experience the glory of killing.

By holmestim

I enthusiastically await the prospects of teaching my grandchildren how to promote Democracy from the comfort of my Desktop! Nothing like making church parking lots out of wedding parties and family events!

By Vanessa Carlisle

I bought this for my son and he spent countless, blissful hours simulating massacres of weddings, funerals, and other family gatherings of brown skinned foreigners! He even realized that if he circled the drone back around on the first responders, his effective kill rate soared! Neat-o!

Educationally, this toy can't be beat - inculcating a predilection for indiscriminate, imperialist violence against non-combatants from oppressed and marginalized communities is precisely in accordance with truly "American values!"

By Trilobyte

This is an awesome toy to instill a sense of exploration in your child. Geography of foreign lands will come naturally as you and your child act out imaginary strikes on Pakistan, Afghanistan, Yemen, Syria, Libya, and many more! Combined with the optional targets, the wedding,the funeral and the dusty road with an American citizen and his son, you can act out these scenarios very realistically! Teaching the moral superiority and callous disregard for other people and nations has never been easier.

By Julia Nelson

The Maisto replica RQ-1 Predator satisfies the requirement for realism, accuracy and detail in manufacture alongside excellent of playability. The blister pack reminds us of the danger of choking, this attention to detail (especially when the Predator is used in dusty countries in the troubled Middle east) suggests that the Maisto marketing department have really done their homework. I bought ten of these for my boy because, as he so rightly says, "So many countries, so little time". He hasn't played with his Matchbox V2 Buzz Bomb once since he became a "Drone Operator". It's given him a real grasp of imperialism, murder of innocents, the art of war and the complex geography of the Middle East. Thank You Maisto, we look forward to your Cluster Bomb, Land Mine and Gas canister multi pack with anticipation hitherto unseen in the world of play.

By Gordon M. Wagner

The coolest detail about this toy are the small body fragments you can litter around your target area following a drone missile strike on a wedding party. THEN (this is where the real fun begins) you circle back in an hour and fire MORE missiles at the people rescuing survivors and mourning the dead! Sure if another country did such a thing we'd decry it as heinous terrorism, but when good Ol' Uncle Sam's finger is on the joystick, you can bet that we call what we hit our target, no matter what.

Seriously? This toy is inappropriate and ought to be removed from Amazon as soon as possible. If it hasn't occurred to you, "drone" murder is still murder. As in "war crime". As in "international tribunal".

ORDER NOW and get FREE packs of Cluster Bombs (banned by all countries except the US and Israel) as well as the latest 2013 assortment of Land Mines (also banned by international treaty except for the US and Israel).

By redpleb

Nothing teaches your kids about the fact that they may one day be the target of an extra-judicious execution by executive order via a flying death robot from the movie Terminator, then this beautiful piece of replica toy war crimes.

By Michael Liszewski

This model is a 100% accurate scale model, and you will likely be thrilled that the "for ages 3 and up" disclaimer only applies to those remotely flying the Predator, not its potential victims.

... and those not quite so enthusiastic:

By Defenestrate

I thought if I bought this, I could kill random people without facing justice. It doesn't work! It won't kill people, not even brown ones.

THIS IS AN EDUCATIONAL TOY AND I HOPE TO GOD THAT MY FELLOW MURCUN SHEEPLE LEARN SOMETHING FROM IT.

 

By sandinista death squad "sandinista death squad"

I thought this would come with "baseball cards" of American civilians living in other countries that I could target for termination, I had to satisfy myself by destroying everything in my house and giving up on everything I ever believed in, liberty, freedom, and due process!

By HDTV shopper "HDTV"

Whenever my 7-year-old takes his dose of psychotropic medication, he's always obsessed with First Person Shooter videogames. Boy, I want to thank Amazon for their patriotic act of making this MALE (awesome friggin' acronym, Maisto!) unmanned aerial vehicle (UAV) available. At first, when little Tommy unwrapped this gift from Santa, he said, "this blows," but when I informed him that this would give him an opportunity to blow up people "Who Hate Us For Our Freedoms," well, little Tommy just lit up.

Now, father and son sit in Little Tommy's tree fort, pretending we're in a 63-degree military installation in Tampa or New Mexico, toggling a joystick and doing some real "collateral damage" on women and children in Pakistan, Afghanistan or Yemen! It's a true bonding experience for father and son -- we're Real American Heroes, making up our own kill list and angling for that Nobel Peace Prize we so richly deserve for bringing Democracy to The Middle East and Africa! [...]

Plus, the real bonus is that I'm preparing Little Tommy for a future career. Let's face it -- our Congress has shipped all our manufacturing jobs to China, and Little Tommy is hopelessly addicted to psychotropic medication. His brain is fried, OK? So I thought he might have a great future with the TSA, groping other 7-year-olds or grandmothers at unconstitutional checkpoints, but considering there will be 30,000 REAL DRONES OVER THE SKIES OF THE U. S. OF A. by 2015, Little Tommy is actually preparing himself for the career of a lifetime by practicing to take out his fellow American citizens with a Hellfire missle. Hoowah! www. nowtheendbegins .com/blog/?p=8504

Look, I listen closely to everything the Brit Piers Morgan tells me. The Second Amendment right to own firearms is evil. So I've destroyed all of Little Tommy's toy guns. But piloting a killer drone is freaking awesome. I highly recommend that all you sheeple step up like me and be REAL American patriots. Turn in your guns, eat your GMO foods, drink your fluoride water, breathe in your chemtrails and BUY YOUR BOYS THIS AWESOME, AWESOME TOY for your kid! Remember -- they hate us for our freedoms. So we need to kill thousands of brown people we don't know remotely with the push of a button. Baba booey, y'all!

By Barry D. Berns

What's next, depleted uranium Play-doh? Yes, let's teach our children that endless war for the benefit of billionaire defense contractors and bankers is okay, that it's okay to kill unarmed civilians as long as it's in the name of "Democracy," that murdering innocent men, women and children is okay as long as it's the government telling you to murder them. I won't mention 9/11 "conspiracies," but isn't it obvious to all by now that war is a racket? Only the mega-rich profit from war while everyone else either suffers or dies. Oh yeah, let's arm and install those evil terrorists in Libya and Syria while we irradiate and/or sexually molest people at our airports to protect us from them. No wonder Al Qaeda has been called "Al CIA Duh." Of course, you need a nebulous "enemy" or boogeyman to fight an unending war. Orwell's "1984" was not supposed to be a book of prophecy.

In a word, disgusting.

By USS LIBERTY

My Ritalin®-fueled first grade son thought it would be so much fun to play "Drop the Hellfire missiles". But when he brought it to school, the taxpayer-funded armed guard overheard him say the word "Hellfire" during recess. The principal immediately assigned him to indefinite detention. Then she called the media, and shamed him at the national level. Now he's depressed and taking Zoloft®. Where did we go wrong? Oh well, at least my new husband and I can finally take that 7 million dollar vacation to Hawai'i! Talk about change... "Yes we did!"

By Gk Harris

A toy but it's still quite dangerous. My 7-year-old son launched this in the school playground and hit a Pakistani kid in the eye. These things just can't help themselves.

By Chai T. "texaschai

Disappointed in the price of this toy. Thought it would be paid for with my hard-working, middle-class, high tax rate taxes as the real ones are, but apparently not! Of course I'm kidding. There is no middle-class anymore.

By zc2012

DO NOT BUY THIS TOY! JUST MOVE TO PAKISTAN AND YOU WILL SEE THEM DROPPING BOMBS ON YOU.. AND IT ITS FREE! WELL NOT FREE... JUST PAID FOR BY THE AMERICAN TAXPAYER.

 

h/t Redpill

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kaiserhoff's picture

I'll take a gross.  How much C-4 comes in the original package?

redpill's picture

Awesome, thanks Tylers!

Almost Solvent's picture

But does it have a micro-listening device & coated in depleted uranium?

 

Then it would be authentic!

Desert Irish's picture

US stoops to a new low in it's drive to recruit drone pilots.....get em young

redpill's picture

Hey it says 3 and up (don't worry that only refers to the pilots, not the targets!)

 

Desert Irish's picture

Well at least you know your kids geting into a growth industry.

fuu's picture

Customers who viewed this item also viewed:

Playmobile Security Check Point

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0002CYTL2/ref=cm_cr_asin_lnk

francis_sawyer's picture

Do they shoot bubblegum?... Just the thing you need to get little Junior expelled from kindergarten...

dwdollar's picture

I only have one question... Is the toy Nobel Peace Price included or do I have to buy that separate?

knukles's picture

There is something seriously fucking wrong with this picture, folks.

Matt's picture

Wait till the next generation hybrid version comes out, Fuel Efficient Medium Altitude Long Endurance drone, or FEMALE.

Pure Evil's picture

Boy, those guys were more snarkier than even the best of acid tounges her on ZH.

I salute them all with their ingenuity.

trav777's picture

verily, they layeth down the bitchslap

salvadordaly's picture

It is called "NORMALIZATION" you know, gently start to introduce us to gradually get us used to seeing them, where we can get used to them. You just don't all of the sudden have one fly up on you and scare the shit out of you. This way you seen the little, harmless version first. Look how cute it is, see nothing to be scared of right. Riiiiight........?

Mesquite's picture

re: '..something seriously wrong..."

 

Ya, like the campain slogan "Forward"...They left off the first word: Bend ...

otto skorzeny's picture

shouldn't those agents be morbidly obese sassy black women who love to flex their power over whitey?

Buckaroo Banzai's picture

Those reviews are fucken awesome, as well. Gold, Jerry! GOLD!

fuu's picture

Not as good as Falun Gong Forced Organ Harvest set but still AWESOME!

Matt's picture

I am disappointed this is not real, to go with the TSA Security Check Point and Predator Drone.

Bunga Bunga's picture

A FEMA camp kit would not be so much fun.

Dr. Engali's picture

Our "Drone Free Zone" yard sign should be sufficient to keep them away.

knukles's picture

We got drone, terrorist, gun, knife, pedophile, your dog, anybody uninvited, Muslim, Christian, Jew, rich, poor, white trash, rapper, scantly clad, low hanging pants, drunk, stoned, disorderly, baseball cap on at some fucked up angle, barefoot, anybody we choose to determine to be unwanted, hostile, uncivil, researchers, civil servants, ministers, rabbis census takers, priests, 3 legged animals, disease vectors (including snakes, rats, mice, deer, bunny rabbits, sparrows, eagles, crows and anything else that flies including squirrels and ghosts, especially ghosts, low hanging chad, dirty underwear, smelly breath, unbrushed teeth, smelly feet  and zombie fee signs, don't touch my fucking sign signs and all sorts of handbills, posters, old newspaper ads and one No Trespassing sign.

Parrotile's picture

Seems you've covered most bases there!

Missing Illegal Aliens (or illegal Extraterrestrials) - yoiu never know when ET (or it's relatives) might pay a return visit!

(Maybe they'll bring their friends. Maybe their friends will turn out to be redneck ETs - they want your gold, platinum, rare earths, water resources, and they come with their "slightly more modern equivalent" of your guns'n'ammo - it'll be Stone-age man (us) vs. C21 military (them))

(they also want you / your women for a spot of anal probing. Gotta keep up the traditions you know!!)

francis_sawyer's picture

So I pulled off my hat & said "Imagine that ~ Me working for you"...

Miss Expectations's picture

Our "Hope Free Zone" yard sign keeps getting peed on by neighborhood dogs (as intended).

krispkritter's picture

If it came from China you can rest assured it contains some kind of toxic elements. If they were made in Japan they'd be radioactive AND glow in the dark. If they were made in Russia they'd spy on you, not the other way around. I heard the Iranians have already captured one from Amazon and are in the process of reproducing it...

FL_Conservative's picture

I'll 2nd that.  That's some of the funniest reading I've done in a LONG time.  Had to save this for after everyone else had left the office so that I could LMAO without everyone wandering by wondering WTF is going on.   Truly classic stuff!  Thanks again, Tylers!!!!!!

ultimate warrior's picture

Dead women and children sold separately.

Bunga Bunga's picture

Or use some ketchup for more realistic play.

knukles's picture

Waste vegetable food stuff for fun?  Think of the starving children.

Skateboarder's picture

Saddest/funniest comment of the year to date. You are a genius man. All my upvotes, take all of them.

Banksters's picture

NOW THAT WAS FUNNY!

 

Hat's off!

Bunga Bunga's picture

Can I take out the terrorists in my children's bedrooms with that?

Unprepared's picture

Yes, the littering cat was asking for it anyway. And time to takeover that spider web.

hedgeless_horseman's picture

 

 

Brown people around the world beware! Always ready to drop a few Hellfire's worth of freedom on unsuspecting civilian gatherings in various middle eastern nations, this Predator model is the perfect addition to any toy collection.

Does it have Mrs. Peace Prize for nose art?

kaiserhoff's picture

Nicely done, HH, even if there is a certain "stank" about it;)

francis_sawyer's picture

How come they never show the ASS of that drone?... Is that why it's grounded?

francis_sawyer's picture

Well judging by the 'tattoos', it looks like it's logged 26 kills so she musta been sitting on somebody... [Oh & look ~ the teleprompters 'Peace Prize' is loaded up right there on the weapons bay]...

Ghordius's picture

funny you mention that, in the UN there are some plans to discuss that

fat chance, I can already hear the US position on that

knukles's picture

 

 

 

 

V
E
T
fucking
O


krispkritter's picture

Proves that witches don't need brooms to fly...

redpill's picture

Why is that drone sponsored by the world wildlife foundation?

fuu's picture

By redpleb

Nothing teaches your kids about the fact that they may one day be the target of an extra-judicious execution by executive order via a flying death robot from the movie Terminator, then this beautiful piece of replica toy war crimes.

That's you right?

redpill's picture

Negative, I do have one in there though.

Dr. Engali's picture

It's too bad the picture in the drone isn't the next target.