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Friday Humor: Miniature Predator Drone Goes On Sale To Bipolar Public Reception

Tyler Durden's picture




 

Just because there is a superficially-pacifist, yet supraficially genocidal, dictatorially-inclined egomaniac in every one of us, the moment the Maisto Fresh Metal Tailwinds 1:97 Scale Die Cast United States Military Aircraft - US Air Force Medium Altitude, Long Endurance, Unmanned Aerial Vehicle (UAV) RQ-1 Predator went on loss at Amazon (we would say sale, but that would imply some probability of profit, which as even the hotdog guy, knows is never going to happen at AMZN), everyone scrambled to buy one.

However, only those first in line got one: everyone else was greeted by a "Currently unavailable. We don't know when or if this item will be back in stock" sign. So what does one do: what one should have done in the first place before going for the one impulse purchase that can murder innocent children half way around the world courtesy of the latest iPad app "iKiller": read the customer reviews of course.

Below is a broad sample of the rather bipolar main street America response when faced with the opportunity of having the same great power, if not so great - or any - responsibility, as is given, by some 25% of the population (factoring for the 55% or so who don't vote) to the president of the USA, even if on a 1:97 scale.

First the big thumbs up:

By Raini Pachak

This is the best toy ever. Finally, I can pretend that I'm a winner of the Nobel Peace Prize!
It's like I'm sitting right there in the White House with my very own kill list!

By Rambone

My son is very interested in joining the Imperial forces when he grows up. He says he's not sure if he wants to help police the homeland or if he wants to invade foreign countries. So I thought a new Predator drone toy would be a nice gift for him. These drones are used both domestically and internationally, to spy on people and assassinate them at the Emperor's discretion. He just loves flying his drone around our house, dropping Hellfire missiles on Scruffy, our dog. He kept saying that Scruffy was a terror suspect and needed to be taken out. I asked him if Scruffy should get a trial first, and he quoted Lindsay Graham, Imperial Senator: "Shut up Scruffy, you don't get a trial!" I was so proud. I think I'll buy him some video games that promote martial law for Christmas.

By Maurice Cobbs

You've had a busy play day - You've wiretapped Mom's cell phone and e-mail without a warrant, you've indefinitely detained your little brother Timmy in the linen closet without trial, and you've confiscated all the Super-Soakers from the neighborhood children (after all, why does any kid - besides you, of course - even NEED a Super-Soaker for self-defense? A regular water pistol should be enough). What do you do for an encore?

That's where the US Air Force Medium Altitude, Long Endurance, Unmanned Aerial Vehicle (UAV) RQ-1 Predator from Maisto comes in. Let's say that Dad has been labeled a terrorist in secret through your disposition matrix. Rather than just arrest him and go through the hassle of trying and convicting him in a court of law, and having to fool with all those terrorist-loving Constitutional protections, you can just use one of these flying death robots to assassinate him! Remember, due process and oversight are for sissies. Plus, you get the added bonus of taking out potential terrorists before they've even done anything - estimates have determined that you can kill up to 49 potential future terrorists of any age for every confirmed terrorist you kill, and with the innovative 'double-tap' option, you can even kill a few terrorist first responders, preventing them from committing terrorist acts like helping the wounded and rescuing survivors trapped in the rubble. Don't let Dad get away with anti-American activities! Show him who's boss, whether he's at a wedding, a funeral, or just having his morning coffee. Sow fear and carnage in your wake! Win a Nobel Peace Prize and be declared Time Magazine's Person of the Year - Twice!

This goes well with the Maisto Extraordinary Rendition playset, by the way - which gives you all the tools you need to kidnap the family pet and take him for interrogation at a neighbor's house, where the rules of the Geneva Convention may not apply. Loads of fun!

By Jonathan D

Brown people around the world beware! Always ready to drop a few Hellfire's worth of freedom on unsuspecting civilian gatherings in various middle eastern nations, this Predator model is the perfect addition to any toy collection. Instead of just talking with your children about how our country conducts diplomacy by assassinating people we don't like along with whatever innocent bystanders may be in the blast radius, this Predator model allows for creative play acting and recreation of the murder scene itself. I was sorely disappointed to find out that it's now out of stock and I can't buy dozens more to add to the realism.

By Mr. Ronald M. Ayers

Like most children, my sons and daughters fantasize a lot about killing, usually their teachers and/or other kids at school. For a modest amount of money this toy allows them to take their fantasies to a new level. Instead of using a toy gun or knife or even a video game, this baby takes their blood lust over the top. Now, with a fleet of killer drones, mass genocide of third world peoples is possible for my little ones. As others have noted, a lack of bloodied bodies to go along with the drone is a problem. Perhaps the maker will see fit to remedy that problem in the future.

BTW, I first found about about the toy drones through my children's therapist. The kids have been torturing kittens and puppies and the wife and I sent them to a headshrinker to try to get them to transfer their murderous impulses to third world humans. Their therapist recommended this little gem of a toy. The kids are so excited by it, my son is even talking about joining the military when he turns 18 just so he can pilot a drone. Thank you Amazon for making this excellent product available so kids can experience the glory of killing.

By holmestim

I enthusiastically await the prospects of teaching my grandchildren how to promote Democracy from the comfort of my Desktop! Nothing like making church parking lots out of wedding parties and family events!

By Vanessa Carlisle

I bought this for my son and he spent countless, blissful hours simulating massacres of weddings, funerals, and other family gatherings of brown skinned foreigners! He even realized that if he circled the drone back around on the first responders, his effective kill rate soared! Neat-o!

Educationally, this toy can't be beat - inculcating a predilection for indiscriminate, imperialist violence against non-combatants from oppressed and marginalized communities is precisely in accordance with truly "American values!"

By Trilobyte

This is an awesome toy to instill a sense of exploration in your child. Geography of foreign lands will come naturally as you and your child act out imaginary strikes on Pakistan, Afghanistan, Yemen, Syria, Libya, and many more! Combined with the optional targets, the wedding,the funeral and the dusty road with an American citizen and his son, you can act out these scenarios very realistically! Teaching the moral superiority and callous disregard for other people and nations has never been easier.

By Julia Nelson

The Maisto replica RQ-1 Predator satisfies the requirement for realism, accuracy and detail in manufacture alongside excellent of playability. The blister pack reminds us of the danger of choking, this attention to detail (especially when the Predator is used in dusty countries in the troubled Middle east) suggests that the Maisto marketing department have really done their homework. I bought ten of these for my boy because, as he so rightly says, "So many countries, so little time". He hasn't played with his Matchbox V2 Buzz Bomb once since he became a "Drone Operator". It's given him a real grasp of imperialism, murder of innocents, the art of war and the complex geography of the Middle East. Thank You Maisto, we look forward to your Cluster Bomb, Land Mine and Gas canister multi pack with anticipation hitherto unseen in the world of play.

By Gordon M. Wagner

The coolest detail about this toy are the small body fragments you can litter around your target area following a drone missile strike on a wedding party. THEN (this is where the real fun begins) you circle back in an hour and fire MORE missiles at the people rescuing survivors and mourning the dead! Sure if another country did such a thing we'd decry it as heinous terrorism, but when good Ol' Uncle Sam's finger is on the joystick, you can bet that we call what we hit our target, no matter what.

Seriously? This toy is inappropriate and ought to be removed from Amazon as soon as possible. If it hasn't occurred to you, "drone" murder is still murder. As in "war crime". As in "international tribunal".

ORDER NOW and get FREE packs of Cluster Bombs (banned by all countries except the US and Israel) as well as the latest 2013 assortment of Land Mines (also banned by international treaty except for the US and Israel).

By redpleb

Nothing teaches your kids about the fact that they may one day be the target of an extra-judicious execution by executive order via a flying death robot from the movie Terminator, then this beautiful piece of replica toy war crimes.

By Michael Liszewski

This model is a 100% accurate scale model, and you will likely be thrilled that the "for ages 3 and up" disclaimer only applies to those remotely flying the Predator, not its potential victims.

... and those not quite so enthusiastic:

By Defenestrate

I thought if I bought this, I could kill random people without facing justice. It doesn't work! It won't kill people, not even brown ones.

THIS IS AN EDUCATIONAL TOY AND I HOPE TO GOD THAT MY FELLOW MURCUN SHEEPLE LEARN SOMETHING FROM IT.

 

By sandinista death squad "sandinista death squad"

I thought this would come with "baseball cards" of American civilians living in other countries that I could target for termination, I had to satisfy myself by destroying everything in my house and giving up on everything I ever believed in, liberty, freedom, and due process!

By HDTV shopper "HDTV"

Whenever my 7-year-old takes his dose of psychotropic medication, he's always obsessed with First Person Shooter videogames. Boy, I want to thank Amazon for their patriotic act of making this MALE (awesome friggin' acronym, Maisto!) unmanned aerial vehicle (UAV) available. At first, when little Tommy unwrapped this gift from Santa, he said, "this blows," but when I informed him that this would give him an opportunity to blow up people "Who Hate Us For Our Freedoms," well, little Tommy just lit up.

Now, father and son sit in Little Tommy's tree fort, pretending we're in a 63-degree military installation in Tampa or New Mexico, toggling a joystick and doing some real "collateral damage" on women and children in Pakistan, Afghanistan or Yemen! It's a true bonding experience for father and son -- we're Real American Heroes, making up our own kill list and angling for that Nobel Peace Prize we so richly deserve for bringing Democracy to The Middle East and Africa! [...]

Plus, the real bonus is that I'm preparing Little Tommy for a future career. Let's face it -- our Congress has shipped all our manufacturing jobs to China, and Little Tommy is hopelessly addicted to psychotropic medication. His brain is fried, OK? So I thought he might have a great future with the TSA, groping other 7-year-olds or grandmothers at unconstitutional checkpoints, but considering there will be 30,000 REAL DRONES OVER THE SKIES OF THE U. S. OF A. by 2015, Little Tommy is actually preparing himself for the career of a lifetime by practicing to take out his fellow American citizens with a Hellfire missle. Hoowah! www. nowtheendbegins .com/blog/?p=8504

Look, I listen closely to everything the Brit Piers Morgan tells me. The Second Amendment right to own firearms is evil. So I've destroyed all of Little Tommy's toy guns. But piloting a killer drone is freaking awesome. I highly recommend that all you sheeple step up like me and be REAL American patriots. Turn in your guns, eat your GMO foods, drink your fluoride water, breathe in your chemtrails and BUY YOUR BOYS THIS AWESOME, AWESOME TOY for your kid! Remember -- they hate us for our freedoms. So we need to kill thousands of brown people we don't know remotely with the push of a button. Baba booey, y'all!

By Barry D. Berns

What's next, depleted uranium Play-doh? Yes, let's teach our children that endless war for the benefit of billionaire defense contractors and bankers is okay, that it's okay to kill unarmed civilians as long as it's in the name of "Democracy," that murdering innocent men, women and children is okay as long as it's the government telling you to murder them. I won't mention 9/11 "conspiracies," but isn't it obvious to all by now that war is a racket? Only the mega-rich profit from war while everyone else either suffers or dies. Oh yeah, let's arm and install those evil terrorists in Libya and Syria while we irradiate and/or sexually molest people at our airports to protect us from them. No wonder Al Qaeda has been called "Al CIA Duh." Of course, you need a nebulous "enemy" or boogeyman to fight an unending war. Orwell's "1984" was not supposed to be a book of prophecy.

In a word, disgusting.

By USS LIBERTY

My Ritalin®-fueled first grade son thought it would be so much fun to play "Drop the Hellfire missiles". But when he brought it to school, the taxpayer-funded armed guard overheard him say the word "Hellfire" during recess. The principal immediately assigned him to indefinite detention. Then she called the media, and shamed him at the national level. Now he's depressed and taking Zoloft®. Where did we go wrong? Oh well, at least my new husband and I can finally take that 7 million dollar vacation to Hawai'i! Talk about change... "Yes we did!"

By Gk Harris

A toy but it's still quite dangerous. My 7-year-old son launched this in the school playground and hit a Pakistani kid in the eye. These things just can't help themselves.

By Chai T. "texaschai

Disappointed in the price of this toy. Thought it would be paid for with my hard-working, middle-class, high tax rate taxes as the real ones are, but apparently not! Of course I'm kidding. There is no middle-class anymore.

By zc2012

DO NOT BUY THIS TOY! JUST MOVE TO PAKISTAN AND YOU WILL SEE THEM DROPPING BOMBS ON YOU.. AND IT ITS FREE! WELL NOT FREE... JUST PAID FOR BY THE AMERICAN TAXPAYER.

 

h/t Redpill

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Fri, 01/25/2013 - 17:49 | 3186656 otto skorzeny
otto skorzeny's picture

if this photo was on The Today Show they would all be gushing over Chewbacca's really toned arms.

Fri, 01/25/2013 - 17:58 | 3186687 knukles
knukles's picture

holy shit.....

Fri, 01/25/2013 - 17:19 | 3186549 Bansters-in-my-...
Bansters-in-my- feces's picture

Kinda hard to tell H_H but it looks like the writing on the drone says

"I am proud of my cunt ry"

 

I'll bet she is.

Fri, 01/25/2013 - 17:47 | 3186647 otto skorzeny
otto skorzeny's picture

isn't chewbacca usually seen w/ the millenium falcon. also -love the mission count on the side of the drone-like they really deserve that honor-that's an insult to the guys that flew B-17s into 88mm flak and swarms of FW190s over germany in WWII.

Fri, 01/25/2013 - 16:50 | 3186423 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

It's only terrorism when they do it.

Fri, 01/25/2013 - 16:50 | 3186431 knicks3005
knicks3005's picture

I want one!!! I want to spy on the little insects in my house.

Fri, 01/25/2013 - 16:57 | 3186432 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

 Hummingbirds, Crickets, Roaches, are in the works. ( Funded by Bainbridge Capital) ... I'll bet Billy Gates, is being "wined and dined"...

  Oracle has It's own new problems.

Fri, 01/25/2013 - 17:25 | 3186572 kaiserhoff
kaiserhoff's picture

Truth overtaking fiction.

Fri, 01/25/2013 - 18:10 | 3186717 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

 You might ? want to re-think that comment. ( CABLE is doomed) Brent crude is doomed, and G.B primarly exports to Germany.

  Please enlighten me. The (pound) traded @ what level in 2008?  Don't make me refer to (currency symbols)

Fri, 01/25/2013 - 18:09 | 3186720 Swarmee
Swarmee's picture

Very interesting fabrication technique advancement , however that design lacks: internal power supply, actuators, sensors, guidance processing, radios, etc. basically everything other than a frame.

That fly design is many years if not decades away from functioning outside a lab, barring some serious breakthroughs in power density alone.

I design robots for a living, there's some stuff out there in development right now that is very scary, this little fly drone is not one of them. Now the hummingbird drones, those are working today with all of the components I outlined above. Good for street altitude surveillance, and potentially attacks via non-ballistic methods. Think syringe or small range chemical/biological agent disbursement.

Carry on.

Fri, 01/25/2013 - 19:11 | 3186843 Parrotile
Parrotile's picture

"Traditional" mechanical syringe technology would be a bit complex, and maybe less energy-efficient. Might be better to investigate micellar / microencapsulation delivery strategies, or even a microscale version of the single-use "Ampin Injector" (developed in the 1960's).

The "ultimate" delivery system would be a virus. And we have a LOT of experience using these to introduce desired genetic packages into targets. . . . . .

 

 

Fri, 01/25/2013 - 20:54 | 3187027 Broomer
Broomer's picture

Would that be the reason for the cancer epidemic in presidents of Latin American countries?

I remember at least six: Kirchner (Argentina), Lugo (Paraguay), Castro (Cuba), Chávez (Venezuela), Lula (Brazil) and Dilma (Brazil... again).

All of them, of course, from left-leaning parties...

Sat, 01/26/2013 - 15:12 | 3187947 roadhazard
roadhazard's picture

If a hummingbird does not go to the feeder or fight other hummingbirds, shoot it down. Seriously.

Fri, 01/25/2013 - 16:51 | 3186436 Vegetius
Vegetius's picture

Where can I get one

Fri, 01/25/2013 - 16:57 | 3186457 Overfed
Overfed's picture

Not sure whether to laugh or cry.

Fri, 01/25/2013 - 23:17 | 3187250 Clever Name
Clever Name's picture

Laugh because its healthier for you.

Only cry on the inside for humanity. "My smile is only skin deep"

Sat, 01/26/2013 - 10:45 | 3187582 Zero-risk bias
Zero-risk bias's picture

Is that the indoctrination process for new recruits at large-scale commercial defence contractors?

Fri, 01/25/2013 - 16:58 | 3186468 Dollar Bill Hiccup
Dollar Bill Hiccup's picture

Good end to Friday afternoon, thanks Tylers.

Fri, 01/25/2013 - 16:59 | 3186472 knicks3005
knicks3005's picture

I can see it now, little kids on the streets with their mini drones in their hands, pretending to be corrupt individuals like their "forefathers."

Fri, 01/25/2013 - 17:00 | 3186476 lasvegaspersona
lasvegaspersona's picture

This is a toy!

If you want to see kick ass techno;ogy check out YouTube for the videos by alishanmao.

He is s a friend living in China. I visited him in Zhozhou in Jan 2012 and tried to learn about the 'toys' he plays with.

In the past year things have gotten crazy.

One can now program an iPad with all the info needed to send a RC helicopter or Quadcopter on a 20 minute trip guided by GPS to locations and altitudes within a few meters. Put on a camera or take control yourself by using the camera to allow you to guide the unit. In one year the 'sport' has gone from one demanding special skills to one in which the clumbsiest person can put one anywhere with in range... all for less than a grand....military and police will want to pay at least 30 times that of course.

Fri, 01/25/2013 - 17:11 | 3186514 krispkritter
krispkritter's picture

The saving grace here seems to be that the public in general is more competent at making and flying these than the videos I've seen of LE. Now if we could shut off the tax dollars for the programs at the Federal levels to those departments, I think things would even up nicely.

Fri, 01/25/2013 - 17:01 | 3186478 Unprepared
Unprepared's picture

By Unprepared:

This is the perfect every day gift for your sociopath child to spy on the neighbours, locate valuable trash dumps and shower the homeless people with laser-guided stones (sold separately) and collaterally damage their dogs. Behind the safety of your monitor, the family can enjoy quality play time while inculcating moral values to your kids such as apathy, greed and pure evil.

Fri, 01/25/2013 - 17:07 | 3186498 kaiserhoff
kaiserhoff's picture

Volume discounts for cat haters.  Tuna flavored IEDs sold separately.

Here, kitty, kitty...

Fri, 01/25/2013 - 17:03 | 3186484 Temporalist
Temporalist's picture

Aapl made an app for miniature drone surveillance and strikes on Chinese children who manufacture iProducts if they try to run away.

Drone toys for the drone children of the drone population...what could be more perfect?

Forward...and ever higher!

Fri, 01/25/2013 - 17:07 | 3186492 The Axe
The Axe's picture

AAPl from 443 to 435    2 seconds.....more effect could be ALGO DRONEs  programed to kill all Freedom that gains followers.

Fri, 01/25/2013 - 17:35 | 3186609 kaa1016
kaa1016's picture

That flash crash fucked up the bid/ask of my puts. Bastards...The comments on Amazon about this toy are fucking hilarious.

Fri, 01/25/2013 - 17:11 | 3186500 debtor of last ...
debtor of last resort's picture

I'd like to order a Tailrisk 85B Destroyer.

Fri, 01/25/2013 - 17:09 | 3186503 hooligan2009
hooligan2009's picture

friday fun for sure, well for those of us who aren't going to take it seriously.

check this out:

http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/military/rise-of-the-drones.html

the technology is avalable now for anybody to build a real one, minus of course the pay load.

let's hope the exponents of IED's or the potential drug crazed domestic mass murderes don't cotton on or develop the relevant side of the brain that can operate an i-pad.

Post post...oops..my bad..you guys are already on to this

Fri, 01/25/2013 - 17:55 | 3186676 otto skorzeny
otto skorzeny's picture

 I watched a few minutes of it and saw that it was sponsored by the Koch Brothers and Lockheed-Martin -no shit. Then when they were going to conduct a real drone practice mission one of the "bad guys" on the ground was shown putting on a palestinian keffiyeh(scarf)- go figure.

Fri, 01/25/2013 - 17:09 | 3186505 krispkritter
krispkritter's picture

Wonder if it can be made to target the Presidential Limo?

http://www.amazon.com/2009-Cadillac-Obama-Presidential-Diecast/dp/B0039Z...

 

Fri, 01/25/2013 - 18:54 | 3186809 hidingfromhelis
hidingfromhelis's picture

Ted Nugent, is that you?

Fri, 01/25/2013 - 17:10 | 3186506 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

 Spit-Wads (R) us ... ©

Fri, 01/25/2013 - 17:23 | 3186513 Bansters-in-my-...
Bansters-in-my- feces's picture

Great......

I hope they come pre loaded with barium and aluminum sulfates and such so I can leave streaks of chemicals across my living room,to match the ones outside my window.

Ps ...Fuck yous USAForce for spraying me each and every day.

Fri, 01/25/2013 - 17:31 | 3186592 Bawneee Fwank
Bawneee Fwank's picture

It's for your own good...and of course for the children

Fri, 01/25/2013 - 17:19 | 3186534 Pairadimes
Pairadimes's picture

Can't wait for the federal government to fly one of these over my property so I can shoot down one for myself.

Fri, 01/25/2013 - 17:19 | 3186544 Temporalist
Temporalist's picture

The version displayed is for the advanced operator at 3 years old.  The Womb Drone is the verision that will prepare your unborn child for future warfare well before other children (which will ensure they also get into a good pre-k school as it looks great on a pre-CV).  An additional benefit of the Womb Drone is that you can surveil your zygote before they start plotting against you.

Fri, 01/25/2013 - 17:20 | 3186545 Temporalist
Temporalist's picture

dupe.  stupid internets.

Fri, 01/25/2013 - 17:22 | 3186557 lizzy36
lizzy36's picture

This would make a GREAT valentines day gift. 

Fri, 01/25/2013 - 17:57 | 3186663 fuu
Fri, 01/25/2013 - 17:22 | 3186559 southerncomfort
southerncomfort's picture

i like the insectile drones.  fun with bugs-21st century style!

 

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/politics/housefly-crashes-president-obam...

Fri, 01/25/2013 - 17:24 | 3186563 Iocosus
Iocosus's picture

They are practicing their technique on the brown people now, so they'll have plenty experience when the great turkey shoot happens here in the US.

Fri, 01/25/2013 - 17:42 | 3186628 blu
blu's picture

That's when we suddenly realize why actually they don't give a fuck if we have 300 million pea-shooters in America.

I sure hope some forward-thinking programmer in the Pentagon hacked a backdoor into these nasty things <hint hint>.

Sat, 01/26/2013 - 01:20 | 3187371 e_goldstein
Fri, 01/25/2013 - 18:54 | 3186810 lakecity55
lakecity55's picture

"Little Johnny! Youre all grown up and just graduated from Drone School!"

"Thanks, mom, but you and dad are on my list.....tell ya what, I'll give ya a 30 second head start!"

Fri, 01/25/2013 - 17:26 | 3186574 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Is there something going on with these drony thingies that I don't know about? The TV never said anything about it.

Fri, 01/25/2013 - 17:33 | 3186593 XitSam
XitSam's picture

Kids can't bring a gun to school, can't make a finger gun, can't even talk about shooting bubbles, but I'll bet they allow a toy of what the Nobel Peace Prize winner President Obama uses to kill innocent 16 year old American citizens without a trial. This country need a massive reset.

Fri, 01/25/2013 - 17:38 | 3186614 blu
blu's picture

My country has fallen and cannot get up.

Fri, 01/25/2013 - 17:39 | 3186620 Smuckers
Smuckers's picture

Dreamliner explosive batteries included.

Fri, 01/25/2013 - 17:42 | 3186637 FrankDrakman
FrankDrakman's picture

I actually enjoyed reading most of those comments from Amazon. I thought America had become a completely irony-challenged country; good to see there's a little spunk left.

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