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    This past Thursday marked the one-year anniversary of the US stock market’s death when stocks saw their last high. Market bulls have spent a year looking like the walking dead. They’ve...

Ultimate Hedge Fund Deathmatch: Icahn And Ackman As The Real Billionaire Husbands Of CNBC Going Wild

Tyler Durden's picture


Following the epic rap battle we noted yesterday, today saw probably the greatest, most enthralling and at the same time most pathetic segment on CNBC (which may or may not have been taken over by Jerry Springer's desperate for ratings producers) ever as 'Bullshitting' Bill Ackman took on 'Cry-baby' Carl Icahn in a no-holds-barred discussion that covered everything from religion, ethics, trust, blasphemy, greed, desperation, and independence. CNBC's Scott Wapner found himself in the middle of a clash of the titans. The full clip has to be seen to be believed but our bevvy of quotes, tweets, and quips should summarize what happens when two Billionaire BSDs get into a pissing competition live on TV.








Part 1 - Ackman...


Part 2 - Icahn calls in and the real screaming begins:

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Fri, 01/25/2013 - 15:37 | 3186193 francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

I liked him in 'Brian's Song'...


You know ~ back in the day when it was OK for a Jew [playing a Wop], to tell Billy Dee Williams [after Gale Sayers had donated blood to Piccolo], that now he understood why he had a craving for 'chitlins'... & everyone actually laughed...

But nowadays is entirely different... The 'lighthearted' times are over... The system is breaking down & there's money to steal & guns to confiscate... It's FULL ON serious business & it's every man [& his brother] for himself...

Fri, 01/25/2013 - 15:47 | 3186241 tradewithdave
tradewithdave's picture

Chitterlings. Just saying'...

Fri, 01/25/2013 - 16:08 | 3186309 Tinky
Tinky's picture

A Courvoisier and Coke toast to you for the nuanced correction.

Fri, 01/25/2013 - 14:26 | 3186020 slaughterer
slaughterer's picture

Need Part 2 to hear the hedgefundbitchfight

Fri, 01/25/2013 - 14:27 | 3186028 ejmoosa
ejmoosa's picture

Ackman is believable

Icahn is believable

Sat, 01/26/2013 - 00:52 | 3187333 palmereldritch
palmereldritch's picture

Battlin' Bullyin'aires

Fri, 01/25/2013 - 14:30 | 3186033 Yikes
Yikes's picture

Heard the thing over the radio in my car.  It was awesome.  A real bitch fight.

Fri, 01/25/2013 - 14:29 | 3186034 LongSoupLine
LongSoupLine's picture

Two fucking assholes... The worst part is MSM postertard, CNBC getting any attention. Fuckers.

Fri, 01/25/2013 - 14:30 | 3186037 bugs_
bugs_'s picture

and i learn a new meaning for the acronym BSD

i need to become more careful and say Berkeley Unix

Fri, 01/25/2013 - 14:32 | 3186040 Agent P
Agent P's picture

Let's settle this like men.  We'll go out back and take turns kicking each other in the nuts as hard as we can until one of us falls down...I'll go first.

Fri, 01/25/2013 - 14:34 | 3186046 Yikes
Yikes's picture

Housewifes of Wall Street.

Fri, 01/25/2013 - 14:36 | 3186055 q99x2
q99x2's picture


Fri, 01/25/2013 - 14:54 | 3186058 Rathmullan
Rathmullan's picture

Can we get them in one of those iron caged rings and hand each of them a chain saw? But I'd rather see two banking heads in a death match.... of course you couldn't get them to fight one another....well... if enough money were at stake.

Meanwhile, good thing that aapl's problems are all company specific, no industry or economic headwind at all, apparently. That way amazon can trade at 72 times 2014 earnings...earnings that are estimated to more than double from very generous 2013 earnings estimates. At least I know where the aapl cap went.

Fri, 01/25/2013 - 14:59 | 3186103 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

I was reminded of the video "Two Tribes" by "Frankie goes to Hollywood."


Fri, 01/25/2013 - 14:37 | 3186059 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Just reading the soundbites Ackman reads like a little pussy ...Icahn is a bully....he's picking on me? What are you a little metro-sexual crybaby? Grow a pair of nuts Ackman.

Fri, 01/25/2013 - 14:41 | 3186064 azzhatter
azzhatter's picture

Ackman does come across as a real pussy everytime I've seen him interviewed. Like to see him get run over by a garbage truck

Fri, 01/25/2013 - 14:40 | 3186063 azzhatter
azzhatter's picture

Ackman is such a smarmy little cocksucker. Icahn is such a smarmy cocksucker. Hard to choose a side

Fri, 01/25/2013 - 14:46 | 3186079 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

I say thunderdome for both of them. Two smarmy cocksuckers enter...one smarmy cocksucker leaves.

Fri, 01/25/2013 - 15:02 | 3186114 ParkAveFlasher
ParkAveFlasher's picture

Even Aunty Entity's gone Swiss (like "gone Galt", only more chocola-tee-er):


Fri, 01/25/2013 - 15:40 | 3186219 francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

I say put 'em on either side of a rowboat [like that scene in "The Deep"] & have them break each other's necks...

Fri, 01/25/2013 - 15:47 | 3186242 ZeroAvatar
ZeroAvatar's picture

They're both spewing enough pigshit to run Bartertown for months. (With Bama's permission, of course)

Fri, 01/25/2013 - 14:43 | 3186070 DrDinkus
DrDinkus's picture

Oh manna shevitz!

Fri, 01/25/2013 - 14:53 | 3186090 TrumpXVI
TrumpXVI's picture

Why can't we all just be friends:-(

Fri, 01/25/2013 - 14:54 | 3186093 shovelhead
shovelhead's picture

Not quite as classy as street whores in a hair pulling contest ...

But close.

Fri, 01/25/2013 - 14:58 | 3186102 otto skorzeny
otto skorzeny's picture

2 cunty jews fighting over a penny-now you know how copper wire was invented

Fri, 01/25/2013 - 14:59 | 3186106 apoorboy
apoorboy's picture



Fri, 01/25/2013 - 14:58 | 3186105 DavidC
DavidC's picture

What the heck is 'Urbleife'?


Fri, 01/25/2013 - 18:43 | 3186790 francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

It's Hebrew for "give me our money & I'll give you this snake oil in return"...

Fri, 01/25/2013 - 15:00 | 3186109 Squid Vicious
Squid Vicious's picture

How did a nice young German boy like Ackman get involved in running billions anyway? oh, wait....

Fri, 01/25/2013 - 15:01 | 3186111 NoDebt
NoDebt's picture

Very entertaining.  Who gives a crap about either of them?  You know what they're on there for and you know why.

Is anyone else bored the last few days around here?  Watching AAPL plummet isn't fun any more.  Watching the rest of the market going up isn't fun any more (please don't misunderstand, I'll still take the money).  Watching bonds do nothing isn't fun any more.  Watching gold churn and do nothing isn't fun any more.  Watching oil going up is depressing, but I'm the only one paying attention to it, so I've got nobody to talk to. 

Maybe I'll watch that clip one more time.  Squeeze the last bit of entertainment out of it for myself.



Fri, 01/25/2013 - 15:50 | 3186252 ZeroAvatar
ZeroAvatar's picture

I'm with ya, no debt......we need some juicy action to spice things up around here.......something out of left field........anything.......

Fri, 01/25/2013 - 19:12 | 3186841 mkhs
mkhs's picture

Be careful what you wish for!

Fri, 01/25/2013 - 15:01 | 3186113 Sweedumz
Sweedumz's picture

Many years ago, I came across a quote on 4chan which perfectly sums up this story:


"Who is responsible for this faggotry?!"


Who indeed.


Fri, 01/25/2013 - 15:04 | 3186121 slightlyskeptical
slightlyskeptical's picture

Where is Slats Grobnik when you need him?

Fri, 01/25/2013 - 15:06 | 3186127 Frederic Bastiat
Frederic Bastiat's picture

Ackman is right.  This thing is a pyramid. 

Fri, 01/25/2013 - 15:19 | 3186150 Bam_Man
Bam_Man's picture


And he was also right when he said it is "the best run Ponzi scheme in the history of the world". So shorting it at any given time is definitely playing with fire. Kind of leads one to believe that these guys (and Ackman in particular) are very much like compulsive gamblers.

Fri, 01/25/2013 - 15:40 | 3186216 spanish inquisition
spanish inquisition's picture

"the best run Ponzi scheme in the history of the world"

He better watch his mouth or Ben might get pissed and take him down.

Fri, 01/25/2013 - 15:11 | 3186131 HoaX
HoaX's picture

Bill Ackman

CEO - Perishing share

Fri, 01/25/2013 - 15:12 | 3186135 EclecticParrot
EclecticParrot's picture

Even worse than seeing this Fatcats-with-Handbags spoiled sorority-girl slapfest is the self-flagellation of CNBS trumpeting the "best financial moment in TV history."  Oh, really?  With the markets and world economies at a major inflection point, you'd think they'd have something better to cover and, hence, their ratings issue as previously noted by the Tylers.  

Though I missed today's rock-em sock-em robot festival, I doubt it matched the importance of Jon Stewart eviscerating Cramer a few years ago.

Fri, 01/25/2013 - 15:12 | 3186136 Bokkenrijder
Bokkenrijder's picture

"Errr...hello...?" Reminds me a bit of Beavis and Butthead working the drive through.

Carl is a pathetic schmuck, just look at TWA.

Fri, 01/25/2013 - 15:13 | 3186137 “Rebellion to t...
“Rebellion to tyranny is obedience to God.”-ThomasJefferson's picture
After listening to this cat fight on the television, while simultaneously trying to suck his own dick from his bean bag chair, the Honorable Charles Schumer,  in accordance with his Magnificence..... The Self-Revered Barack Obama, have hereby decreed to tax Icahn and Ackman 100% of their net worth.
Fri, 01/25/2013 - 15:35 | 3186145 Bam_Man
Bam_Man's picture

Two greedy animals who don't know the meaning of the word "enough".

Fri, 01/25/2013 - 15:27 | 3186171 Bokkenrijder
Bokkenrijder's picture

"Stop bullying me!" Hahaha! What a pathetic asshole is that Icahn boy!

I don't really give a rat's ass about either one of them, but Icahn simply doesn't appear to have any hard facts, so out of pure desperation he resorts to slander and acting like a cry-baby.

Fri, 01/25/2013 - 15:28 | 3186181 Eally Ucked
Eally Ucked's picture

That's picture of American business, it must be very bad when those dogs are going at each other throat. Good luck to all those american moms, paps, retirement funds and so on. Your future is good hands! At the end they still can retire to Sinay desert to increase head count there.

Fri, 01/25/2013 - 15:30 | 3186182 lizzy36
lizzy36's picture

They should settle this like all Big Swingin Dicks want to:with a ruler.

Fri, 01/25/2013 - 16:03 | 3186298 spanish inquisition
spanish inquisition's picture

Only if they want to measure each others stack of money, that's all they got left.

Fri, 01/25/2013 - 15:34 | 3186195 The_Dude
The_Dude's picture


Fri, 01/25/2013 - 15:35 | 3186200 curbyourrisk
curbyourrisk's picture

Icahn is a douche!

Fri, 01/25/2013 - 15:35 | 3186205 HoaX
HoaX's picture

Despite my earlier comment I do have to take Ackmans side in this one. Although its all nonsense in the end of course.

Fri, 01/25/2013 - 15:42 | 3186224 tradewithdave
tradewithdave's picture

Get a life.... A Herbalife.

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