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Zimbabwe's Total Cash On Hand: $217.00

Tyler Durden's picture




 

Several years after revealing the first one hundred trillion modern-day banknote and seeing its economy implode in a cloud of hyperinflationary smoke, Zimbabwe's problems are back with a vengeance. And this time not even more currency destruction, as Zimbabwe does not actually have its own currency any more having largely shifted to foreign currencies primarily the USD and the ZAR - can help. The problem? The country is officially out of cash. From AFP: "After paying public workers’ salaries last week, the balance in cash-strapped Zimbabwe’s government public account stood at just $217, Finance Minister Tendai Biti said Tuesday. “Last week when we paid civil servants there was $217 (left) in government coffers,” Biti told journalists in the capital Harare, claiming some of them had healthier bank balances than the state. “The government finances are in paralysis state at the present moment. We are failing to meet our targets.”" Sadly not even the projected and quite hilarious 5% GDP growth of the now completely broke country, which can't even create money out of thin air as there is nobody who will lend it even one penny, will do much if anything. (Here we will briefly ignore the fact that Zimbabwe's net cash position is about $120,000,000,000,217.00 greater than that of the US)

The less than fun, for its citizens at least, details:

The move demolished investor confidence in the country, paralysed production, prompted international sanctions and scared off tourists.

 

Zimbabwe’s government has warned it does not have enough money to fund a constitutional referendum and elections expected this year.

 

Biti said that left no choice but to ask the donors for cash. “We will be approaching the international community,” he said.

 

The country’s elections agency said it requires $104 million to organise the vote.

 

Government’s national budget for this year stands at $3.8 billion and the economy is projected to grow 5.0 percent.

At least Zimbabwe can sell its gold. Well, it could, if it had any.

And when even the government apartchicks, which also includes the army, received no more cash, they turn violent, and quite hostile, to the very same government that provided for them for years. Which is to be expected: because as history has shown that without fail what follows hyperinflation, is war. Which incidentally is all the US government will need to position its southern drone base in order to quell the imminent appearance of "Al Qaeda" rebels and militants in the South African country. This, in turn would fall perfectly with the WSJ's headline article totay: "U.S. to Expand Role in Africa."

Because while the US is about to have western Africa covered with its drone presence, it needed a lucky break in order to get involved in the just as valuable south.

Why, again, does the US need to be in every nook and corner Africa? Same explanation we gave yesterday: to prevent the rapid Chinese colonization of the last continent, a development the US has been well behind the curve on. And since it has no cash to spend to compete with China, it will do the next best thing - send in the drones.

From - "The Beijing Conference": See How China Quietly Took Over Africa

 

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Tue, 01/29/2013 - 18:17 | 3196511 localsavage
localsavage's picture

Whatever....The US would be negative if they didn't have Ben printing away.

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 18:20 | 3196524 knukles
knukles's picture

Not a thing a couple billion trillion dollar tungsten coins can't solve.  Fuck, mint double and give half to the Zims.
All problems solved, right Mr Krugman?

 

 

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 18:45 | 3196606 camaro68ss
camaro68ss's picture

What? you dont want to print more???

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 19:33 | 3196795 krispkritter
krispkritter's picture

Maybe JPM can get them signed up with a ZBT card? (Zim Benny Transfers) Just until they get back on their feet...we swear, really...

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 19:37 | 3196802 Cheesy Bastard
Cheesy Bastard's picture

They should just tap thier pension fund until they can raise the debt ceiling.

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 20:28 | 3197008 TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

LULZ at this article.

As I've stated before (and it's not about morality, but reality), the U.S. has just taken China to the geopolitics "clinic" regarding oil & the middle east, essentially establishing an iron curtain shutting China out of that pool of available oil, over the last decade.

As China has shifted a disproportiononately high % of "wealth" relative to GDP (and GNP) to seeking out resource opportunities in China (as a result, partially, of what I mentioned in the preceding paragraph), the U.S. comes in and snookers China with low cost, high tech surrogate "boots in the air" drone bases, to even run interference with any continued success China may be having extracting further resources from the African continent.

Finally, when it comes to printing & wealth, what "wealth" does China really possess (aside from slave labor, which in and of itself is being faced with ever more displacement by automation) that isn't highly susceptible to rapid depletion and/or obsolescence, and isn't the PBOC (i.e. the Chinese elite) just as print-happy as the Fed?

China is the eternal sucker at the poker table. China is the "Middle Black Hole Kingdom."

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 21:26 | 3197226 Harlequin001
Harlequin001's picture

If there is one thing that will come from all this it is small government.

yeah...

Time to lay off those government workers me thinks...

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 21:34 | 3197254 FEDbuster
FEDbuster's picture

"Maybe JPM can get them signed up with a ZBT card?"

I am pretty sure you have to be Jewish to get a ZBT card.  We used to refer to that frat as "Zillions, Billions and Trillions" that was in the 70's.

Wed, 01/30/2013 - 01:29 | 3197885 ShakaZulu
ShakaZulu's picture

They have lived up to their name.  Just ask Timmah!

Wed, 01/30/2013 - 09:34 | 3198288 fourchan
fourchan's picture

zimbobdetroit.

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 23:29 | 3197631 cynicalskeptic
cynicalskeptic's picture

China plays for the long term.  The US is going bankrupt - trying to use its military to force the rest of the world to give it the disproportionate amount of world resources it consumes.  Newsflash - all that does is piss off a few billion people.  Meanwhile China takes all the $$$ it got making crap for the US (earned using factories we GAVE them in exchange for cheap labor) and is buying tangible assets and influence worldwide.

What happens when the world realizes that the US dollar is worthless and China announces a gold backed currency?   And what if it turns out that the gold the US claims to own has been 'lent out' or bartered away to the Saudis for oil over the past few decades?  The US can't fight the whole world - hell we couldn't even handle Iraq after deposing our former puppet and are gettgin our asses kicked in Afghanistan.  The Army NEVER wanted to end up in another Vietnam - but that's just where Bush II put them (and Obama kept them).

Even if the US wanted to take on the world, we no longer have the manufacturing capacity to handle even basics - like 5.56 ammo supplies.   We'll never go head to head with China but China (and Russia) will continue to back states like Iran to limit the US sphere of influence.  

Wed, 01/30/2013 - 00:52 | 3197807 Mr. Magoo
Mr. Magoo's picture

Going head to head with China is not the plan, in fact Obama IS conspiring with the Chinese to conquer the U.S, that's why they want Barry to disarm the public. want a wake up call? GOOGLE search "China buying US land" Its time to move to South America very soon

Wed, 01/30/2013 - 01:08 | 3197825 TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

China's long term track record isn't exactly so great though, is it?

In exchange for "factory of the world" status, they got a (literally) toxic environment (magnitudes worse than ANY emerging or developed nation; I've been to many areas of China on nearly a dozen trips over the past 5 years and have seen it first hand), a 10-fold increase in wages in a decade which sounds great until one mentions that domestic prices have risen 16-fold over that same period (with a few, central government mandated/subsidized exceptions), and not only a currency that's as equally worthless as the USD, Yen or euro, but which the central planners intend to try and suppress (since China's factory floor of the world economic model inherently depends on a relatively weak renminbi).

On your point about manufacturing capacity, automation has wiped out manufacturing jobs in the U.S. (as it has in every developed nation), yet manufacturing productivity has actually increased in the U.S., and in fact, some manufacturing that went abroad is returning to the U.S. (though admittedly not in an amount/volume great enough to stem a slide in long term unemployment and labor participation rate in the U.S. - again, in large part attributable to automation). The reality is that, in a fractional reserve, central bank guided world, all developed economies and many emerging ones are resorting to the increased debt derived "expansion" of marginally productive and EVEN net-destructive sectors of their economy (e.g. fiat-fueled finance) to try and slow the sinking of their "house" as it turns out it was built on pillars of salt and sand.

As far as your claim that China and Russia are working to thwart U.S. influence goes, it's interesting to note that Russia and China are probably more concerned with thwarting each other's influence, given their relative economic and political situations (and that Russia is rich in natural resources but weak in manufacturing while China is the mirror of this).

Finally, Chinese companies are literally dumping goods at prices less than that required to produce them, all around the world, and many such companies are subsidized to do so by the Chinese central planners, which are caught between a rock and a hard place in not wanting to see unemployment rise in China (the biggest threat to the stability of their regime), so a net loss on supporting manufacturing and exports is the lesser of two evils from the current Chinese establishment's perspective (but is this sustainable as a sovereign macroeconomic policy long term?).

Wed, 01/30/2013 - 00:45 | 3197797 prains
prains's picture

TIS

nail- forehead- chinamen-titanium hammer-bullseye.......well done

 

if your heading up a new drink tank where do i send my fake resume

Wed, 01/30/2013 - 01:31 | 3197886 TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

Route Charlemagne, 8
6464 Baileux (CHIMAY)
BELGIUM

Must love ale. Perks include as much work product as you can consume, and deep, invigorating phiolosphical musings on all things life, liberty & love.

Wed, 01/30/2013 - 01:36 | 3197895 putaipan
putaipan's picture

mmmmmm......Orval.

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 19:11 | 3196709 SAT 800
SAT 800's picture

Are you aware of the actual history of Zimbabwe? It's quite a story. They used to have balance of payments surplus and export agricultural products; then the revolutionary African Nutjob took over as Government, (it's a one man government), and started evicting the white, (European), farmers from their well ordered and productive farms and giving the land to the natives; who set up "villages" of crap an sticks on the properties and sat around on their asses waiting for money to fall out of the sky; in the process completely destroying the output of the formerly productive farms. Same for industry; nationalize and incapacitate. It's an absolutely amazing story. The fact, and it is a fact, that African Americans have an average IQ of 90; and students at a university in Africa tested at an average of 75; is highly significant. The history of Africa in the twentieth century is a huge population explosion; the only thing they know how to do is reproduce; accomplished through foreign food aid, vaccinations, and anti-biotics; and a take over of the various regions by local "leaders"; and disaster; of various degrees; sometimes essentially compltete and perfect disaster, as in Zimbabwe. If you wrote it as a novel no one would believe it; it's too crazy. But it's not a novel, it's history.

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 19:26 | 3196768 Styles9002
Styles9002's picture

Mugabe is a tyrant and certainly evicted white farmers but he didn't just give the land to any local blacks. He only passed it on to his former military supporters and 'veterans' of the fight for independence. These people are the biggest cronies in the land and generally sit back and expect other and the gov't to do all the work. Lots of people in Zim oppose Mugabe (white and black) but there is no appetite in the int'l community to remove him and that falls mainly at the feet of Jacob Zuma and Baraq Obama.

Wed, 01/30/2013 - 10:46 | 3197261 FEDbuster
FEDbuster's picture

AIDs tends to balance out the population problem in Africa.  Rhodesia was once a beautiful country from all accounts.

Sat, 02/02/2013 - 14:29 | 3209264 e-recep
e-recep's picture

thanks to mr. rhodes, eh?

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 19:48 | 3196848 Mr Pink
Mr Pink's picture

That actually sounds a lot like my neighborhood

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 20:47 | 3197066 mjcOH1
mjcOH1's picture

It sounds a lot like Detroit.

 

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 20:57 | 3197109 Bandit und Buster
Bandit und Buster's picture

AND LET'S NOT FORGET THE MURDER OF WHITE FARMERS!

SAME AS SOUTH AFRICA IS NOW SANCTIONING! 

LET EM STARVE!

 

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 23:12 | 3197579 Whiteshadowmovement
Whiteshadowmovement's picture

Yeah, SA "sanctions" the murder of white farmers the same way the US "sanctions" elementary school shootings.

Wed, 01/30/2013 - 00:54 | 3197811 prains
prains's picture

Bandit

 

its called the circle of life....what goes around COMES around...murder begets murder

just because the exploiter is now the exploited is just life circling the drain.

 

The arguement that the white murderer who was able to better exploit the resource they murdered for

should be left alone to spread the profit amongst their select few is ALSO pure cocksandwhich

I don't like your sandwhich

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 21:06 | 3197148 Dapper Dan
Dapper Dan's picture

 

In the United States, African Americans bunch disproportionately at the lower end of the social scale, although progressively less so in recent years, as shown in average income and unemployment figures, geographical dispersion, average educational level, etc. "African Americans test about one standard deviation below the whites, which for the non-statistically trained implies that the average white is superior to 84% of the African Americans. About 16% of African Americans do better than the average white" averred Miller (1995). What is striking, says Miller is how the number of African Americans with IQ's over 120 is scarcely visible, while there are actually more African Americans with IQ's below 80 than there are whites."

 

read more at:

http://theafrican.com/Magazine/IQ.htm

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 22:26 | 3197435 hivekiller
hivekiller's picture

African Americans have an average IQ of around 85 not 90 and the only reason for that is because they are 25% or more white. Slavery was the best thing that ever happened to blacks. As for me, I'd ship all them back to Africa. I'm tired of their whining and living off of whitey.

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 23:30 | 3197635 401K of Dooom
401K of Dooom's picture

Wow!  Zimbabwe sounds like Massachusetts.  The old bay state has killed itself.  Just watch in five to ten years it will colapse on itself. 

Wed, 01/30/2013 - 05:44 | 3198047 FEDbuster
FEDbuster's picture

It's already collapsed, but then again so have we.

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 23:53 | 3197693 Redhotfill
Redhotfill's picture

SAT 800 it appears 6 africans gave you down arrows.

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 18:22 | 3196530 smlbizman
smlbizman's picture

these guys should call billy joe....he has plenty

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 18:24 | 3196543 withnmeans
withnmeans's picture

Spot on, Tyler's are just trying to lay it out for ya, The U.S.A. is actually poorer the Zimbabwe, at least they have a couple hundred bucks to their name.  Maybe it is a good thing they don't own a printer, they can't get any deeper in debt that way!

 

Carry on good people.

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 18:54 | 3196653 CPL
CPL's picture

THe printer was $219.87 with tax.  It would have bankrupted the place.

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 21:34 | 3197251 Harlequin001
Harlequin001's picture

They have a printer and it's a big one. Problem is that it's totally worn out now, and they haven't got any real money to repair it.

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 22:42 | 3197470 CPL
CPL's picture

Well it costs a fortune to replace inkjet carts nowadays, even the re-fillers are getting up there.  They'd blow 20% of their budget to print an average of 80 pages of black and white or 45 in colour.  Even in Zimbabwe they are a money savvy bunch, people say they are misers with their wealth but I tell them;  

"Friend, those Zimbabwe fellers have got the right mind for recuperating their cash and holding that line.  Someday that $217 will compound to $15,145,117,813,477.62 over 10000 years at the friendly saver rate of 0.25%.  That's horse sense Friend."

Wed, 01/30/2013 - 00:41 | 3197785 hannah
hannah's picture

if you have an address for the printing office, i'll send them a coupon for cheap refills from bestbuy....every bit helps

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 23:35 | 3197646 cynicalskeptic
cynicalskeptic's picture

Actually, what finally killed Zimbabwe money printing was their inability to pay for more banknote paper (and International pressure on the German seller to stop providing more).

Gold dust, US dollars and South African Rands are now the medium of exchange.

Considering how wealthy this country is in terms of natural resources, this is a travesty.  One has to wonder if the outside world WANTS Mugabe to totally destroy the place so they can swoope in and pick up the pieces on the cheap.

Wed, 01/30/2013 - 08:16 | 3198154 Tsukato
Tsukato's picture

Considering how wealthy this country is in terms of natural resources, this is a travesty.  One has to wonder if the outside world WANTS Mugabe to totally destroy the place so they can swoope in and pick up the pieces on the cheap.

 

WOOOHOOO!!!! Thanks for the superb idear! If things get too bad, maybe I can get some slaves to boot :)

Actually, I'm waiting for a similar situation in US. I figure, given enough time, a solid depegging from the US$, and I'll be able to pick up some white chicks in america to prostitute out here in Chongqing :)

PS- I'm a white american guy, so you needn't bash the poor, dirty, chinkies for my sins.

Cheers:)

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 18:31 | 3196561 Divided States ...
Divided States of America's picture

Hey at least they admit they are effin broke....unlike the US

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 18:48 | 3196626 SHEEPFUKKER
SHEEPFUKKER's picture

Zimbabwe is not a deadbeat nation. 

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 18:59 | 3196668 CPL
CPL's picture

It's got 217 more dollars than zero.

 

I for one welcome the new financial regime of Zimbabwe and their wise ways of cash flow management.  

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 21:59 | 3197340 Henry Chinaski
Henry Chinaski's picture

Still a positive net worth.

Flash poll: "up" if you have a positive net worth.  "down" if not.

Wed, 01/30/2013 - 00:41 | 3197787 hannah
hannah's picture

can i seasonally adjust it...?

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 19:11 | 3196714 A Lunatic
A Lunatic's picture

I do hope tomorrow's Simon Black article will discuss the grand lifestyle to be had in Zimbabeland.

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 19:50 | 3196830 CPL
CPL's picture

Puddle water in an Evian bottle while touring on my detailed ox.

"sup bitchez. Lord Tubby Black rollin."

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 18:32 | 3196568 whatsinaname
whatsinaname's picture

Any gold mines in Zimbabwe ?

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 19:12 | 3196718 SAT 800
SAT 800's picture

Hell yes; also some of the best productive farm land in Africa; but it has to be run by Europeans; otherwise; zilch.

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 19:46 | 3196833 11b40
11b40's picture

"Zimbabwe's position as a major gold producer continues to slide as its once mainstay gold mining industry continues to decline as a result of political and social unrest."

Quote from Zap's link above.

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 23:36 | 3197654 cynicalskeptic
cynicalskeptic's picture

The masses are panning for gold dust to pay for food.

Wed, 01/30/2013 - 00:43 | 3197789 hannah
hannah's picture

good for them. we have reality shows about gold mining and the stupid fucks spend most of the day sitting around.

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 19:06 | 3196689 jayman21
jayman21's picture

The US would be negative if the Petro Dolllar did not exsist.

 

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 19:27 | 3196766 bobthehorse
bobthehorse's picture

America won't share the same fate as Zimbabwe.

On the contrary.

We're the new Japan.

Deflation, deflation, deflation.

But what do I know?

http://www.angrysinner.blogspot.kr/2013/01/tuesday_30.html

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 19:36 | 3196804 abducens
abducens's picture

They should set up paypal and we could all kick in a few dollars each and help them out. Its probably tax deductible.

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 20:33 | 3197024 AGuy
AGuy's picture

Zimbabwe: + $217

United States: - (16,627,000,000,000)

 

 

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 22:46 | 3197501 killallthefiat
killallthefiat's picture

"$120,000,000,000,217.00"...seems like and election slogan for Jeb

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 18:17 | 3196515 darteaus
darteaus's picture

Time for Mugabe to retire to his Swiss chalet.

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 19:06 | 3196692 bank guy in Brussels
bank guy in Brussels's picture

Bob Mugabe and his family like Hong Kong. "Look East!" has been his philosophy for quite some time, avoiding places with annoying Western sanctions and possible asset confiscations.

Maybe William Banzai will see him around those parts.

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 22:45 | 3197491 willwork4food
willwork4food's picture

Mugabe & his wife were doing a little carefree shopping in Hong Kong was like Jim & Tammy Fae Baker donning some mink, while the sheep that supported them thought them as gods.

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 18:18 | 3196523 francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

$217.00 = zero... [coming to a town near you] ~ spend it while you still can...

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 18:50 | 3196633 Agent P
Agent P's picture

Will $217 buy enough platinum to mint one coin with a Kenyan on the front?  If so, I've heard of an idea recently...

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 18:21 | 3196529 Sockeye
Sockeye's picture

Ive got more cash than Zimbabwe? Woo hoo! I'm rich!
Right?
Guys?

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 18:23 | 3196535 knukles
knukles's picture

Congratulations!
You are worth more than an African country.
Africom is interested if you have any gold or petrol?
They're on their way to liberate your ass....

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 18:38 | 3196581 Zap Powerz
Zap Powerz's picture

Why cant someone buy Zimbabwe?  Its poor and apparently worthless and full of worthless people so the price should be pretty cheap.  I mean, its a total fixer upper.

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 18:44 | 3196607 Gavrikon
Gavrikon's picture

And do what with it?

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 18:58 | 3196662 SAT 800
SAT 800's picture

Ah, the eternal question vis a vis Africa. Do what with it? Even rational plans and decisions don't work; because; it's full of Africans. I remember you from the marketwatch blog section on precious metals.

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 19:04 | 3196685 Whiteshadowmovement
Whiteshadowmovement's picture

Lol, yeah full of Africans, what have they ever been good for right?

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 19:34 | 3196799 Zap Powerz
Zap Powerz's picture

Ive been thinking about your question for 10 min and I cant come up with anything.  You?

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 19:42 | 3196822 Whiteshadowmovement
Whiteshadowmovement's picture

Was their labor of any help to building up the Southern US at all?

Tell you what, this might surprise you- do you know some of the 3-series BMWs on American streets were built by black workers just outside Johannesburg?

http://www.abrmotoring.com/2012/2012/02/production-of-the-new-bmw-3-seri...

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 20:51 | 3197079 mjcOH1
mjcOH1's picture

"Why cant someone buy Zimbabwe? Its poor and apparently worthless and full of worthless people so the price should be pretty cheap. I mean, its a total fixer upper."

I'd buy that for a dollar....

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 23:28 | 3197630 Jugdish
Jugdish's picture

What role did the physical coercion of overseers / bosshogs play in the management of that build-up? Just a thought.

Wed, 01/30/2013 - 08:36 | 3198177 Tsukato
Tsukato's picture

BWAHAHA!!!! I love your kind. You act like you are defending the poor black man, but then you descibe their accomplishments, as if they are children. Just try being honest with yourself. Or are you one of those weak little white guys like the husband in the movie "Hancock"? A white woman would only stay with you out of pity, but the only man who could handle her fat ass is a black man. Funny that the age of S.M.A.W.W. (Strong Middle-Aged, White, Woman) and PBM (Powerful Black Man) is finally being seen as the joke it is. Except by silly little cunts like you.

Wed, 01/30/2013 - 00:11 | 3197728 Redhotfill
Redhotfill's picture

Ive been thinking about your question for 10 min and I cant come up with anything. You?

 

TRANSPLANT ORGANS?

Wed, 01/30/2013 - 08:27 | 3198169 Tsukato
Tsukato's picture

Either you folks are too kind, or just too stupid to see the answer to the African problem: Kill em all. Well not all- save the few attractive girls there, but kill twice the women who resemble hippos and/or gorillas. Big fucking loss.

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 19:33 | 3196798 Zap Powerz
Zap Powerz's picture

First order of business: I would end all foriegn aid INTO Zimbabwe.  Yep.  No more food shipments, no more medical supplies or free services by doctors.  Once I owned the place there would be no more help for the indiginous personel.  They would either figure out how to survive on their own or they would die.  Either way its a win.  Im not a big fan of just killing people outright, but I dont mind if useless people starve.  Thats how nature works.  Enough would figure it out and we would start mining gold again and producing food.  If they all died, Id import some mexicans to grow the food and mine and some Germans to manage it.  The currency would be backed by gold and silver. All purchases made of my natural resources would have to be purchased in PM. NO DOLLARS.

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 23:33 | 3197642 401K of Dooom
401K of Dooom's picture

OOoooh, ooh don't forget to add in television cameras.  That way we can watch while the stuff begins.  I recommend a fee of five dollars a month to watch the crap fly off the wall!

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 19:51 | 3196862 Mr Pink
Mr Pink's picture

Hmmm....let's see.....tell drunk college girls that I own a country?

Wed, 01/30/2013 - 00:46 | 3197800 hannah
hannah's picture

worked for prince obama..i think...maybe not with girls though.

Wed, 01/30/2013 - 01:16 | 3197858 ShakaZulu
ShakaZulu's picture

But what do you tell them in the morning?

Wed, 01/30/2013 - 05:53 | 3198060 Disenchanted
Disenchanted's picture

 

 

 

"And do what with it?"

 

Export Detroit(lock, stock, and barrel) to Zimbabwe?

Make it the new Nigeria(re: email scammers)?

 

 

 

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 18:44 | 3196610 semperfi
semperfi's picture

Like Baltic Ave, nobody wants it.

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 18:50 | 3196628 mayhem_korner
mayhem_korner's picture

 

 

Baltic Ave with a hotel has the highest payout to cost ratio of any space on the Monopoly board.  $450 / $60 = 7.5 times.  Boardwalk = $2000 / $400 = 5 times.

A little trivia with my scotch tonite.

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 19:37 | 3196807 Temporalist
Temporalist's picture

Always buy Mediterreanean and Baltic as they are first up after people get paid by passing GO.  Better to chase your renters after payday than when they're broke.

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 21:19 | 3197194 slightlyskeptical
slightlyskeptical's picture

Isn't the object of the game to make people broke, the sooner the better? Buy at the end of the board as that is where people run out of money. You have to get them BEFORE they reload.

Playing versus you guys would be like skimming profits from retail.

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 21:14 | 3197182 slightlyskeptical
slightlyskeptical's picture

How is a 13-14% payout better than a 20% payout?  Now you know why you aren't winning. Strategy needs to be built on proper information.

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 23:39 | 3197659 mayhem_korner
mayhem_korner's picture

 

 

Just a guess here, but math isn't your strong suit, is it?

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 18:51 | 3196635 knukles
knukles's picture

Paired Trade of the Century

 

 

Short Detroit
Long Zimbabwe

Seriously.....

Wed, 01/30/2013 - 00:15 | 3197738 Redhotfill
Redhotfill's picture

Our Africans for your Africans!

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 19:16 | 3196728 This just in
This just in's picture

Detroit is full of africans, too.

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 19:32 | 3196787 WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot
WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot's picture

I see a pattern here. 

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 23:28 | 3197629 willwork4food
willwork4food's picture

Future NBA Zimbabwa All-Stars?

Wed, 01/30/2013 - 00:50 | 3197805 hannah
hannah's picture

turn the entire country into the harlem globe trotters and tour the world.

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 23:36 | 3197649 401K of Dooom
401K of Dooom's picture

Nooo, make Ann Arbor, Michigan, a part of Detroit.  Then watch the contradictions unhinge both cities!

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 18:51 | 3196637 Pure Evil
Pure Evil's picture

How do you get rid of all the squatters?

Wed, 01/30/2013 - 00:08 | 3197723 Redhotfill
Redhotfill's picture

Lets list it on EbaY!

Wed, 01/30/2013 - 01:15 | 3197854 ShakaZulu
ShakaZulu's picture

I'm willing to offer $218 for the entire place...

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 19:15 | 3196726 SAT 800
SAT 800's picture

Re-colonization and birth control could cause a fantastic result in wealth, and standard of living for the gradually declining number of African Citizens; but it's impossible; because, it's Politically Incrorrect ! Human beings are almost fantastically stupid.

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 19:24 | 3196754 Whiteshadowmovement
Whiteshadowmovement's picture

Listen can I tell you something- if you asked white south africans if they could voluntarily re-institute Apartheid, a good 90% of the would say no way, this is a better country now, it doesnt make sense to exclude Blacks from the economy that way or society at the margin

(it may not be a better country in every way, but it certainly is in more ways than not)

But what do I know, its just the 6 years Ive spent here talking to people on the ground

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 19:39 | 3196811 Zap Powerz
Zap Powerz's picture

If only nature had some way of reducing the number of non viable members of a group and increasing the number of viable ones.  If only.....

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 19:45 | 3196837 Whiteshadowmovement
Whiteshadowmovement's picture

Look man, black Africans can do anything Chinese can do, do you really think a multinational can organize millions of Chinese laborers but not millions of Africans?

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 20:12 | 3196934 Zap Powerz
Zap Powerz's picture

Are you seriously comparing the industrial productive potential of the Chinese and Africans?

I can tell you have an emotional investment in this argument youre making.  Sure, its emotionally unsettling to think some groups may be less able than others.  It certainly isnt PC to say that.

Emotions are the enemy of logic and reason.  You are free to "feel" however you want.  But feelings rarely lead you to logical conclusions.

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 20:20 | 3196972 Whiteshadowmovement
Whiteshadowmovement's picture

I think its quite the opposite, you seem to have an emotional attachment to the idea that racism makes you cool.

I can tell you being a white European I have absolutely no problem going to a black doctor or flying in plane flown by a black pilot,

Ive never argued blacks are the equal of whites, or that there is no difference between races. However, I shouldnt have to make that explicit.

I cant really waste much more energy to correcting your misconceptions about Africa (check that other link about African car exports).. VW also has a 6000 man factory in Port Elizabeth from which cars are exported all over the world.

In fact some 10% of the entire South African workforce is involved in auto production.

Let me ask you- even as a racist, wouldnt you at least concede that blacks are at the very least, proven to be very capable workers. Dont you think there is a reason Europeans took the trouble to ship them across the Atlantic?

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 20:32 | 3197022 Zap Powerz
Zap Powerz's picture

I like the way you pat yourself on the back for "I can tell you being a white European I have absolutely no problem going to a black doctor or flying in plane flown by a black pilot,"  I bet you have a black friend too.  That totally makes you not a racist.

Yes, Africans can be trained to work on an assembly line and put widgets togther day in a day out.  Congratulations.  You win.  What do you think is the neccessary minimum IQ to perform such amazing tasks?  Do Africans invent things like assembly lines? Super conductors?  Airplanes?  Sattelites?

Sure, they can be trained.  Great.  We need automatons to do mind numbing labor.  But they dont create.

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 20:55 | 3197098 Whiteshadowmovement
Whiteshadowmovement's picture

Dont pull that "black friend" shit on me, the point being on the ground in Africa I have no problem putting my life in the hands of black people and ntheier should anyone else. The idea being, that even though they may not be our equals, they can be trained to do anything, even cognitive jobs, got it now, asshole?

And yeah, unfortunately the world does need a place to have its widgets made. It happens to be china now but where else can we find a physically strong, labor force of young people (see the article just recently about aging chinese workers), capable of working long hours at menial jobs in all conditions. Oh yeah, and we'd like them to work for the lowest wages on earth.

Lets see, where to locate future factories....?

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 21:19 | 3197203 Bandit und Buster
Bandit und Buster's picture

Just wondering if all the white MURDERED, RAPED AND otherwise terrorized Farmers would agree w/ your sentiments?  Oh but wait... they can't tell us what they think anymore can they?

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 21:22 | 3197209 Whiteshadowmovement
Whiteshadowmovement's picture

Im sure they would as many Rhodesians moved to South Africa and remained even after the end of Apartheid, rather than return to the UK.

And great example, as we all know, blacks are the only people on earth who rape and murder

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 23:23 | 3197613 Jugdish
Jugdish's picture

o put a cock in it. A black one, Take a trip back in time to inner city Detriot or Miami or LA or et. al circa 1940-1960. Talk to those who lived there. Study some actual first hand history and set your feel good kumbya bullshit indoctrination psychosis aside for a minute. Turn off the television.

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 21:29 | 3197238 Whiteshadowmovement
Whiteshadowmovement's picture

Dont you realize you sound exactly like a liberal anti-gun douche with a post like that.

Its the same thing as saying "guns should be taken away because kids were MURDERED at Sandy Hook!"

See that?

Wed, 01/30/2013 - 00:51 | 3197806 hannah
hannah's picture

'black Africans can do anything Chinese can do'

 

you obviously have never seen a brother try and use chopsticks.....

Wed, 01/30/2013 - 01:12 | 3197852 ShakaZulu
ShakaZulu's picture

Hannah, after that comment you can now take the bag off your head.

Wed, 01/30/2013 - 11:25 | 3198834 hannah
hannah's picture

what bag? this is how i really look....

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 19:36 | 3196803 Zap Powerz
Zap Powerz's picture

SAT 800,

Almost?  Naw man, we've gone full retard.

Wed, 01/30/2013 - 01:10 | 3197846 ShakaZulu
ShakaZulu's picture

Knukles, you made my day!  I'm going to hold my head high and prance around telling everyone I'm worth more than an entire African country!  Now is my chance to become a rich dictator and I will build a temple to you when I do.

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 18:23 | 3196536 dick cheneys ghost
dick cheneys ghost's picture

Cheap Chinese imports helped kill their economy

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 18:24 | 3196542 localsavage
localsavage's picture

Maybe they should import more condoms...

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 19:16 | 3196730 bank guy in Brussels
bank guy in Brussels's picture

Because of the huge number of Zimbabweans with AIDS, they already get lorry-loads of free condoms from international organisations ... they sit around unused

Local Zimbabwe street talk is that the condoms are a plot by Western powers to give people AIDS via AIDS-impregnated condoms

Ironically the neo-Colonial West is evil enough, there is an arguable basis for that fear

But sadly, some Zimbabwe guys with AIDS think they can be cured if they rape or molest a young virgin, too

Sad place ... a country where local people have stupidly totally slaughtered many of the animals, both farm animals and rare wild species

But they don't all starve because the Zimbabwe land is so rich there is still fruit falling off of trees

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 19:33 | 3196794 EvlTheCat
Tue, 01/29/2013 - 19:17 | 3196732 SAT 800
SAT 800's picture

You have no idea what you're talking about. this is completely factually incorrect.

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 19:51 | 3196860 11b40
11b40's picture

Just like ours.

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 18:24 | 3196541 SilverIsKing
SilverIsKing's picture

Where should I stay?  I will be living like a King.

 

http://www.tripadvisor.com/Hotels-g293759-Zimbabwe-Hotels.html

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 18:52 | 3196648 knukles
knukles's picture

Oh, I'd suggest a vacation rental out in the bucolic country side amongst the ever so friendly native populace....

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 19:21 | 3196748 SAT 800
SAT 800's picture

The population are human beings; they are perfectly capable of living at peace with white farm managers and business managers if they weren't inflamned with racist propaganda by lunatic local politiciians; aided greatly, by Marxist aid and propaganda. (Remove the productive assets from the managers; basic premise of Marxism).

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 19:38 | 3196767 Whiteshadowmovement
Whiteshadowmovement's picture

What you really dont get is that Zimbabwe is the exception that proves the rule. This is the one example that really communicates to everyone in Africa that Marxism is finally dead.

Ghana and Zambia, not to mention Nigeria, are booming hugely at the moment with very little white management.

A huge Porsche dealership just opened up in Accra, and not a single white man works there. Shocked? I bet you are, can you imagine at Porsche would trust its brand with local black entreprenuers? Of course not, right?

Botswana, right next door to Zim, is entirely black run and has one of the highest living standards in Africa.

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 20:54 | 3197093 fiftybagger
fiftybagger's picture

I sincerely hope you are correct that blacks in Africa have finally seen through the failure that is marxism.  Can you have them explain that to some of their brothers over here?  They haven't got the message yet.

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 23:09 | 3197572 Jugdish
Jugdish's picture

Ya they are booming. I'm on my way over.

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 18:25 | 3196549 venturen
venturen's picture

can we have a history of how they were solvent then printed money year after year till no one would loan them money.

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 18:54 | 3196651 knukles
knukles's picture

You just gave it.

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 19:11 | 3196713 knowless
knowless's picture

it's barely a direct corollary.

http://graphics8.nytimes.com/images/2006/05/02/world/zimb_graphic.jpg

white ownership in the 80s(1%/neglible population) held 70% of land.

 

when the black majority(shona apparently I don't know my south african language/tribal groups) was firmly in place they forcibly redistributed, afterwards infrastructure collapsed, which has been blamed on drought.

 

all in all, different countries have different demographics, it wasn't a strait print, they weren't as sophisticated about it. but basically a http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-KTsXHXMkJA but in the current century.

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 19:19 | 3196743 knukles
knukles's picture

Yeah, couldn't blame it on racism for all the white folks had been murdered or fled the country.

 

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 19:24 | 3196761 SAT 800
SAT 800's picture

Cause and effect. Drought, my ass.

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 19:26 | 3196763 bank guy in Brussels
bank guy in Brussels's picture

Majority Shona, minority Ndebele, a few other small tribes including some black African Jews (whom Israel won't allow into Israel, of course, under their racist 'white Jews preferred' policy)

Mugabe has been in power since the British helped install him around 1980, and Shona were dominant from the beginning

Confiscation of the white farmer lands tho took place in the 90s when Mugabe needed to firm up his supporters with bribes and gifts

Seizing the big land-holdings destroyed agriculture, the banks and then the hyper-inflation came

Old black Zimbabweans actually often speak kindly of living under white rule 'Rhodesia' and Ian Smith in the 60s and 70s ... they did not have their civil rights, but there were jobs and plenty of food and a solid Rhodesian dollar, and things were not FUBAR ... kind of like older Eastern Europeans would vote to have the Communists back, or older Chinese would like Mao back

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 20:07 | 3196882 knowless
knowless's picture

it can be painted as a racial issue(and is)(especially coming from a perspective which does not account for the aspects of the structure underpinned by the ousted administration), instead one of overthrowing a structure which was so thoroughly entrenched that their removal caused total civil collapse.

but the end result of forcible direct redistribution is always the same.

the isms is what kills me, look at how a society functions without respect to the underlying principles which play into the heirarchy. if you are to recreate in a more equitable means, regardless of circumstance, then do so in a fashion which actually leads to the desired result, if not, then you are merely perpetuating the environment which left you exploitable to begin with.

 

if you are to think on a scale of generations, then subverting your own infrastructure financially and physically only leads to further subjigation, neal.

i sadly feel i am now arguing the interests of the banking class, and should most likely refrain from further comment.

but maybe the direct opposite, maybe what we really need is some redistribution. at least in a real sense, away from centrality, towards individuals.

 

central power will breed tyranny. and the majority will demand to be satisfied, whether that eventually comes in the form of racial, social, class, gender, or whatever form of justice they feel supercedes that of the whole.

 

you will always yearn for the days that things seemed "easy" just like those opposed did.

i really wish i could have better covered this comment, i really felt like i was going somewhere for a second.

it's the same process, you've already heard me right?

 

when the power drops vaccuum. better 300 years from now. sorry.

 

this songs so much more funny now that he's back in office, honestly, like the guy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=endscreen&v=quLqEu4mUOU&NR=1

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 21:19 | 3197201 HoaX
HoaX's picture

Thanks for the Dead Kennedies knowless, needed that today :]

As a thank you, I give you some Propaghandi:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SPpXY1aWKgI

 

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 19:22 | 3196755 SAT 800
SAT 800's picture

That's not what happened; they destroyed their economy. with no production and nothing to export it's a bit difficult to find creditors.

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 19:32 | 3196793 bank guy in Brussels
bank guy in Brussels's picture

They are really rich in a lot of minerals and diamonds and mined commodities on a modest scale, but that business is tightly held to supply foreign currency for Mugabe and close cronies and the top military people ... Funds are parked in Hong Kong and other places, probably in the billions

Doesn't go into a general gov't fund or aid general jobs etc.

Occasionally local people find some diamonds or similar, and get rich smuggling it out

Soon as the Mugabe gov't or military finds out, tho, they take over the mineral site, shooting the locals dead if they don't get out of the way

Land is incredibly rich, can feed many millions but everything there is FUBAR so farming is largely limited to subsistence scrabbling

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 20:12 | 3196936 knowless
knowless's picture

sounds like they need a revolution eh? like, without outside intervention? i wish i could live in africa, for the sheer opportunity, but that right is only due their residents.

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 20:17 | 3196959 knowless
knowless's picture

or obama, up arrows are green people. push it.

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 20:17 | 3196963 knowless
knowless's picture

how does that make you FEEL>...

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 18:27 | 3196550 Seasmoke
Seasmoke's picture

ahhh , but the public servants always seem to get paid just before the money runs out

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 18:28 | 3196555 Everybodys All ...
Everybodys All American's picture

The Marxist Mole doesn't think we or Zimbabwe have a spending problem, but then again he's self admitted to not being very good at math. Thanks for stating the obvious you dumb bastard.

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 18:28 | 3196557 youngman
youngman's picture

Warning..if you get a letter from a guy in Zimbabwe...and he says he has millions to give you if you just send him a few thou......don´t do it...I think its a scam

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 19:01 | 3196674 Tango in the Blight
Tango in the Blight's picture

I have 1 Quadrillion Zimbabwe dollars for sale. Interested?

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 19:57 | 3196886 chubbyjjfong
chubbyjjfong's picture

On the following conditions.  Must be in 1$ bills.  Delivery must be in winter.  Traded for 1 loaf of bread (the good stuff, you know with seeds and shit in it.)... Done.

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 18:31 | 3196562 Financial_Guard...
Financial_Guardian_Angel's picture

My fantasy football league has more reserves than Zimbabwe. Two years ago I bought some of the 100 trillion notes just for stocking stuffers. The kids still have them, and mine is proudly displayed in my office as a cautionary tale. Bankers get nervous when they see it because they know they cannot BS me...

Perhaps I can offer the Zims my notes in exchange for naming rights to their Central bank.

 

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 18:32 | 3196564 Archduke
Archduke's picture

where are the editors? Or is ZH looking to be ridiculed?
that 's the 3rd time this map with a broken legend is used.

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 18:36 | 3196576 Motorhead
Motorhead's picture

What, does the legend depict an incorrect pronunciation of "Niger"?

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 18:47 | 3196619 Archduke
Archduke's picture

Fe Cu being obviously wrong symbols for their elements for starters.
Stratfor yet again proving they are staffed with amateur interns.

only Friedman has any clue there. how embarassing.

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 18:50 | 3196639 Motorhead
Motorhead's picture

Friedman's an establishment shill.

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