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Crunching Complex Concepts In The Corner - Caption Contest
Is this what tax season prep looks like when you have a Congressionally-imposed ban from using TurboTax? We will let readers decide...
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Wait...what's this "Healtcare mandate" clause?
Germany thinks they'll get it all back in 7 years. Ha - Corzined 'em.
Ah, it feels good to have such a long silver boner coming out of my ass.
Thought bubble:
“ If those GOP bastards will just let up a bit, maybe I can get my desk back from pawn.”
"I yelled at Ben to print, and he told me the inflation numbers didn't correlate to GDP growth, it was at that point I realized he was using TurboTax. I swear my prinout is here somewhere."
Memorizing lines for the sequel, The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug
It's hard to fart sitting like this
Hank only needed 3 pages.
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_T8MZ1guHV7E/R2zKvbgAPbI/AAAAAAAAAC0/Cd24qmMR_4...
this is goldman, the mission if you choose to accept it is to head up our world
branch the imf. good work fucking america for us and good luck at the imf tim.
this chair will self destruct in 54321...poof
"Didn't I fill out all these forms a few years ago?"
When no chairs are left at the kids table.....
Schedule C.... Schedule C...... where the hell is that Schedule C?
Ah, fuck it, I'll just fill in what I want and blame it on Turbo Tax.
Cash
Drawer
Empty
http://oi50.tinypic.com/hs6ou9.jpg
"If the Fed/Mega Bank Duopoly lends America $20 FRNs @ 5%, America will owe $21 in a year, yet they only have $20... so they can't pay and my bosses OWN their *sses.
The American Republic couldn't be slayed by the world's largest military of its day, which was unbeaten up to that point, but is slayed with 5th grade math.
I can't believe these f*ers got away with it!
5th grade math... Darwin must've been right. These people are really dumb.
Debt Money Tyranny - identify the real criminals and pay it forward:
http://www.keepandshare.com/doc/4768883/debtmoneytyranny-6-1-pdf-60k?tr=77
They hate you, people - and middle management and engineering types, you need to wake up before they bust you, too. They want to bust us all - and when they do, there ain't no going back.
"WTF is with this application?! Goldman already has a DNA sample and knows I like it on my knees"
"Hmm...nothing in here about me and those two gay rodeo clowns...I'm good!"
'Dammit, Simon Black said this expatriation paperwork was easy!'
or "LOTR IV: The Scouring of the Shire"
We'll, at least they didn't make me wear the 'dunce' cap this time ...
Nobody puts baby in the corner
LOL hujel
"I only wear this cheap suit cuz' they said I couldn't be in my pajamas"
Behind the curtain is the great and powerful Oz.....er.....Timmy?
Or a tribute to Monty Hall...
And behind Curtain number two is a pile of number two....
Ben told me there would be naked girls coming down this pole but all I find is this pile of forms with a note from Lloyd saying "Sorry for the deception, Tim, but I'm gonna need you to finish my taxes now."
[Agent TK421 reads to itself in Thermian...]
TOP SECRET
To: Agent TK421 [a.k.a.: Geithner]
From: Central Command
Psy Op mission complete. Human social chaos is assured. Please find enclosed your evac kit:
You and other agents of your op will rendezvous at 21-Alpha with Thermian battle cruiser: My Precious for immediate dust-off and shuttle to mother ship. Report to Lieutenant Svytnilqipoy for your instructions regarding imminent ground invasion of Earth.
General Bjorkyl out.
********This message will self-destruct*******
" Hey look, the old TARP request " Hmmm.
"Why the fuck did LongSoupLine tell me to meet him in this funeral home, and why do these papers say, "put head between legs asshole."?"
"I really thought Davos would be nicer than this...wait a minute, this isn't Davos! Mapquest is more abstruse even than Turbotax!"
I called my poor old mother.
I asked if there was any hope.
She told me I was adopted and not to call her again.
I'm crestfallen.
http://www.angrysinner.blogspot.kr/2013/02/thursday.html
"Dear Mr. Geithner:
We regret to inform you that we currently have no employment openings that are a good match for someone with your skills and experience. We will keep your resume on file for a year, and will be happy to inform you should a suitable opening appear.
Sincerely,...."
....Starbucks
Damn Goldman Sachs employment contract. Why do they have to be so wordy!
Where the fuck is the salary and bonus part?
Does selling my soul count as a depreciation of assets or capital gains?
Okay.
Lets see if they have this correct.
If Jane has 12 apples and she gives seven to Larry...
Jane prints 12 more apples. A monetary base of 12 apples discourages trade and is not enough for a healthy economy!
Sorry, that's been gone for decades.
It depends if it is sequestered.
Trick question. When you're soulless it's just another fiat ponzi...but on the plus side, he never felt a thing.
His stress test results came back positive.
How the fuck is anyone supposed to understand which health care plan to go with?
How the fuck is anyone supposed to understand which health care plan to go with?
Easy, the only one you can afford.
Most employers of size, will dump their plans.When that happens I see more fines for NO coverage than new mandated policies.
A LOT of states are not, and will not set up the Gov't Mandated Plans.
So who ya gonna call?.
IF your fortunate enough to be able to self insure, it will be on a Catostrophic,uber high deductible plan, or you will not have ANY.
They never let me sit at the big kids table
"Looking at my contract I just realized I don't get any severance pay."
Tiny (IQ) Tim finally reads the small print in his contract's severence clause - "off with his head"
Looking for traces of Germany's 300 tonnes.
Crouching Liar
Hidden Cheats
Hari Krishna! I gave those airport gurus $10,000 for these secrets of the Orient. I'm following the instructions, crossing my legs. Why aren't I levitating?
"Those fucking Goldman assholes - I make them Billions and they can't even throw in free parking"
Only 70,000 more pages of IRS code to read before I can file.
Crap. " I can't read this; this is at the 8th grade level"
Hank was right...their benefits are impressive. But what the hell is this AMT line item?
Sometime in the future.......
"Wow....we are so fucking broke we cannot even afford chairs anymore...."(Thinking to himself)
Geithner: (Sniggers) Four years of FUBARing the USA economy and whoring myself to TBTF and all I'm facing are a couple of lawsuites...
Paper: "Is that a bonus in your pants or are you just happy to see me?"
Timmay: "No risk of that."
And I leave my house in the Cayman Islands to...
Well, last page, and as far as I can tell I don't get killed at the end of this script.......
Signing Contract: Geithner Hired as IMF Head
"Nobody puts Baby in the corner."
FOUND IT. On the last page. A summary of my strong US dollar policy.
i should get paid big for screwing the american public
"Gotta hand it to Jamie...I thought Larry went overboard but who puts an index on their resume?"
"Tarantino promised a feature role, but 'the Gimp'? ....where's my snappy dialogue? "
Maybe I should call Auther Andersen.
hmm, Project Mayhem....nice.
1. Pick up Michelle's dry cleaning. CHECK
2. Wash the Presidential Limo. CHECK
3. Tutor the girls in Math. WHY DID THEY CROSS THAT ONE OFF, I WONDER????
Wow, I found $217 we haven't spent yet !!!
Shit, McDonalds is looking for job references too.
Everybody else got a fucking chair.
And the music stopped...
"Are you kidding me?!!! The Fed keeps minutes of ALL it's meetings!!!"
Where are the chick pics?
Hello John...? I looked for the word vaporized and I can't find it anywhere. Can you tell me how you made 1.2 billion dollars disappear again?
BEHOLD...
The Wizard of Oz !!
This list of incriminating phone calls, emails, and documents that need to be burned keeps getting longer and longer...
I saw this fucking picture on CNBC. The douchebags on there commented saying "awwwwwww", "he looks so smart", etc. Fuck you CNBC.
'Oh Sh1t, I left those extra 00000000000's off my expenses claim'
"now this one goes to fireplace"
if only the epa hadn't already banned them..
Math is Hard!
"Thank you for your interest in Goldman Sachs. We'll keep your resume on file and notify you if a position matching your interests and abilities with Turbo Tax becomes available."
You're sitting on your W2 you fucking douche nozzle.
The music stopped.
...and all the chairs are taken.
"fuck you bernanke!" (ups)
"now for the world!" (downs)
Little Timmy G has been sent to the corner for being a bad little boy.
"Mr. Timmeh, your H&R Block representative will see you now."
"Oh shit! Blankfein told me that money was under the table! That fucker itemized it as a charitable contribution!"
Breath Timmy, breath...got to finish the last details of my new Keynesian Yoga proposal...should I call Turbo Tai-bo or Ponzi Pilates?
My resume is done but nobody will give me references
I'm waiting for my man
Twenty-six dollars in my hand
Up to Lexington 125
Feeling sick and dirty, more dead than alive
I'm waiting for my man
Hey, white boy, what you doin' uptown?
Hey, white boy, you chasin' our women around?
Oh pardon me sir, it's furthest from my mind
I'm just lookin' for a tinty friend of mine
I'm waiting for my man
Here he comes, he's all dressed in black
PR shoes and a big straw hat
He's never early, he's always late
First thing you learn is you always gotta wait
I'm waiting for my man
Up to a Brownstone, up three flights of stairs
Everybody's pinned you, but nobody cares
He's got the works, gives you sweet taste
Ah then you gotta split because you got no time to waste
I'm waiting for my man
Baby don't you holler, darlin' don't you bawl and shout
I'm feeling good, you know I'm gonna work it on out
I'm feeling good, I'm feeling so fine
Until tomorrow, but that's just some other time
I'm waiting for my man
Walk it home
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MOmZimH00oo
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gZQ5aNrwYcM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=limc_mfDZJU
Wait- before i give this speech- was it in billions or trillions ??
How does ButtHead memorize his lines ?
Fracking Federal purchasing specs! Eighty-seven pages of details and requirements for a simple trillion-dollar platinum coin? Who the hell is going to read all this? Just mint the damn thing......
Print a few bills & get my chair back !
Just ripped the face off the new acting IRS commissioner and he'll never even know what happened. Who's the Turbo Tax jerk now?! Ha!
TIMMY'S DAILY AFFIRMATION....
"I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me."
Lets see here, already told that lie, ummmm nope told that one too, errrrr ah ha heres one I havent used to often...there is no inflation!!!
Fukk Ben- the printer z out of ink again !
54,846 pages in the tax code......
Need to maximize my deductions.
Hmm, this may take a while.
What? a toupee is not allowed as a business deduction?
"Wait a minute...why is the Fed buying all our bonds? Can they do that? Ben - you have got to F**king tell me these things!!!"
"I keep colouring outside the lines."
Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain!!
"Wait, what the fuck is scarcity?"
I hate it when they hand me these papers with the tiny black squiggles on them. They act like they're really important so I stare at them for a while with a look of concentration on my face. This seems to satisfy them.
I find that sometimes when I stare at them for a really long time and frown at the funny squiggle thingies that they act impressed.
Whatever I'm doing, I guess I'm doing a really great job. It's inate.
I bet one day CNBC will post this pic of me and say "he is just a regular guy like us", love CNBC, they are the best!
lets see...white papers on stuff we're giving to the banks, one yellow paper on conditions, pink folder with kissy face thank you letters from Dimon and Blankfein...(g'damn repo men...next they'll take the curtains)...look, I really am Sec Treasury
I pity Geithner. He's another tool of dark forces beyond his comprehension, betrayed by baby boomers whose parents and grandparents sacrificed for a better world....and then saw their complacent baby boomer offspring profit, leverage up insanely, and dump their debt on the children and grandchildren.
Timmy looks like a bewildered toddler in that picture, and so he is.
'Crush the bourgeoisie between the millstones of taxation and inflation,' said Lenin, hero of the Democrats, and EUSSR.
'The things that will destroy America are prosperity-at-any-price, peace-at-any-price, safety-first instead of duty-first, the love of soft living, and the get-rich-quick theory of life. '
Theodore Roosevelt
Homer: After years of disappointment with get rich quick schemes, I know I'm going to get rich with this scheme...and quick.
Okay, so it's off off-Broadway, but I can kill this Tinkerbell role, then it's Hollywood, here I come, baby!
Chocolate Chip QE Recipe
1. The blood of a newborn. *check*
2. The blood of a sheep..*check*
3. The public hair from barny "check".. eww.. but *check*
4. Willing participants.. .. "fuck.. where do I get those? "
"public hair from barny..."
Thank you for that visual...... lol
How to Build a Guilotine for Dummies
" 1, 2 buckle my shoe..
3, 4 run for the door
5, 6, fuck some chicks
7, 8 run for the gate
9, 10 who's president again? MEEEEEEEE!!! that's whooo!!
Yep, this restraining order looks to be legit - I guess I have to continue staying 500 yards away from competence at all times.
"I know I saw chairs in the budget."
Caption Contest:
"Whu can't I get a teleprompter?"
"I have got this in the bag. I am the perfect man for the job...awww fuck! I misspelled 'Resume'!"
Future employment agreement from GS
"I just need to finish signing these divorce papers so Ben and I can begin our life together as one."
OR
"Why the hell is there such a tremendous amount of paperwork for Keebler citizenship?"
"Why do they want to know all this just for a pistol permit?"
Nobody likes me,
Everybody hates me,
Guess I'll eat some worms...
"Because you are special...and Gosh Darn it...people like you"
-SS
Meanwhile in a Congressional antechamber.......
concerned that his usual m.o. might be getting a bit stale...
...Timmy hurriedly reviews his own private draft-copy of the Introductory Chapter to "1,001 Prevarications & Obfuscations - Or, How to Lie with Impunity to Those Dumb Phucks In Congress" ( by Hillary Of Benghazi) - grasping for any nuances - before giving his parting testimony to the Senate Finance Committee.
Spitzer you c***...
There's got to be a synonym for 'tax'... all these 'tax breaks', 'tax rebates', 'tax credits for industrial development'. It lacks variety, my audience is going to be counting the ceiling tiles for entertainment before I'm through. Will have to trade in my speech-writer.
This is the last representatives taxes Im doing!
"If Train A leaves Jonesville at eight fifteen and travels toward Smithboro at 45 mph and Train B ... What the ...? So I guess about now Timmah Junior is turning my Tax Return in to his math teacher. Well that's just FUCKING GREAT!!"
"Hey, I just met you,And this is crazy,But here's my number,So call me, maybe?......"
"Huh, so I guess I did forget to add tables and chairs to the treasury department's budget. Well fuck me then."