Advice From The Department Of Homeland Security: "If Attacked By A Shooter, Grab Some Scissors"

Tyler Durden's picture

Via Michael Krieger of Liberty Blitzkrieg blog,

Advice From The Department Of Homeland Security: "If Attacked By A Shooter, Grab Some Scissors"

We first heard about this from a New York Post article on the topic.  Then we watched the video for ourselves.  It’ll make you want to defund the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) immediately.  While the whole “grab scissors” to defend oneself during a mass shooting is pretty amusing, the more disturbing part is that 90% of the video just consists of people on their knees in cubicles cowering in fear or running panicked with their hands in the air.  All the while police in black uniforms and “assault weapons” race in to save the day!  The video is a great representation of how the DHS views the citizenry.  Feeble, helpless, pathetic little children.  You’ve gotta watch it for yourself! 

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Manipuflation's picture

I do not think that it has ever hurt this board to review the following:

Mr. Magniloquent's picture

I counted and classified the advise given in this video. I find it telling.

Total Tips: 16
Tips relating to surviving an encounter with a mass-murderer: 7
Tips relating to surviving an encounter with a police officer: 9

MagicHandPuppet's picture

I should have known that all y'all were a bunch of right wing scissor nutz!

marcusfenix's picture

wow...I don't even know where to start.

oh wait, yes I do they should have just been honest and advised the people  watching this video (and taking it seriously) that it is not uncommon for roid raging police in this situation to either beat the shit out of you, taser you to death or just put one through your skull.

so in other words your fucked either way and have near zero chance of coming out of this in one piece .

also they made it pretty clear that "no man left behind" applies only to those who serve the man... while obviously us serfs are not worth the effort or the risk, didn't they? the message was pretty clear "don't look out for each other, don't concern yourself with the safety with the person next to you" cause you know, it's not like they have family or loved ones who are expecting them to come home at night...

damn I remember a time when courage and honor, a persons character, was measured by what they were willing to do to help there fellow man in such a situation, such as staying with a wounded person and at least trying to help if at all possible. 

I would say they should have put a "for entertainment purposes only" disclaimer on this twisted slave training video, cause just like "duck and cover" during the cold war, none of the information herein is even remotely useful...

but when you look at the not so hidden message, this shit really isn't all that funny


Manipuflation's picture

Agreed Sir.

How about a HUGE FUCK YOU to the dhs?  Memo to DHS: you aren't taking shit from me.  You fucks at the DHS are losers and can not, will not, stand.  If you DHS fucks think otherwise then stand up here at ZeroHedge and type it. 

ZeroAvatar's picture

I was watching Al Jazeera (can't get decent news from msm) yesterday.  It was the 1/2 hour they do an in-depth look.  This week, I believe they're doing a 3-part series on guns and gun control.


They were showing an interview with some guy, IIRC he was the District Attorney from New Jersey.  He was talking about who did or did not 'need' guns, and made a comment (paraphrasing) about 'every knucklehead' on the street doesn't need a gun.  He was referring to the 'common average joe 6 pack type' guy.  You and me. 


We're 'knuckleheads'.

ZeroAvatar's picture

Only 'important' people, like D.A.'s and Judges and cops, need guns. 


The rest of us 'knuckleheads' can just go pound sand.

lakecity55's picture

It is super-pathetic. The average "terrist" has more balls than the roid cops or dhs dummies.

In the new Brave World, the cops don't rescue you. They hang out while the killin' is done, then come in and shoot the unarmed victims.

Sounds about right for today.

moneybots's picture

Woould paper or rock work better than scissors?

dark_matter's picture

There was a yellow highlighter in the drawer. Studies have shown that a highlighter is just as effective as scissors when confronting active shooters plus it is yellow so it is a better choice.

Bloodstock's picture

I would like to take this opportunity to thank the various agencies that operate with so much ignorance, that even the sheep are waking up! Seriously,,,we will NOT comply.

Manipuflation's picture

There are thousands and thousands of ZHer's out there.  Much use against the billions?  YES!  We never stop.  Ever.        

Bloodstock's picture

I would like to take this opportunity to thank the various agencies that operate with so much ignorance, that even the sheep are waking up! Seriously,,,we will NOT comply.

ozziindaus's picture

They say the average gun fight lasts 3 seconds and the average 911 response is over 10 minutes. Gunfight implies there's a response with gun fire and that the average rounds exchanged is 2 to 3. Now imagine there is no response with gun fire??

cherry picker's picture

We need scissor control  :)  We wouldn't want those poor murderers hurt do we?

cherry picker's picture

I can see it now, DHS outlawing all kitchen and eating utensils.  Knives, forks, spoons, blenders and so on.

They are all hazardous.

People who have had martial arts training will have to go undergo surgery as their hands and feet are deemed dangerous.

Men will be castrated as it is proven that they will be more compliant.

If DHS doesn't do it, your all powerful and happy to control HOA will gladly fill in.

And we call this liberty?

djcando's picture

In a shooter emergency, hide and call Edward Scissorhands.

lakecity55's picture

Please watch this vid by GEN Boykin, USA, (RET).

I met him years ago, briefly, at a cookout at Bragg. He is a soldier's soldier.

I can promise you he takes his oath seriously, and is the kind of guy who inspires other soldiers to understand their Constitutional Oaths.

lakecity55's picture

Take what you want or don't want from it.

He makes a valid argument.

I think what he says should be considered as a factor of what's screwy with the Republic.

The "DHS" is a KGB-type infiltrated secret state police

Manipuflation's picture

Well, I watched as far as I could stand LC.  However, WTF?

Manipuflation's picture

637 comments. Nice.  A lot of good people.

Powder's picture

Scissors? Swingline stapler for the win!

DosZap's picture


Latest Update and outlook for the next few months.............

Dewey Cheatum Howe's picture

I'm surprised they didn't advocate hiding in the corner with a lampshade over your head like in a Bugs Bunny cartoon.....

Element's picture



Well at least we now know where to look if we wanted to wipe-out a whole office full of DHS scumbags - there is that.

But probably the video is just psych-prepping for precisely that sort of pre-ordained psyop-rampage ... you know how these ruthless govt fucks work.

Never let a crisis go to waste - just look at the USA - 'mergency'-political-power has been enacted for how long now?

And why so? Wherefore art thou, 'mergency'?

Like ZIRP, the pressing 'national'-emergency rule-by-decree (over you, not ovah dah terrist 'baddies') is quasi-permanent, but by intent, not just by circumstancial fuck-up.

i.e. it's not supposed to end, and damn-it, washington is gonna act in this world, and in your street, to make good and sure that it never will.

Gotz ta make sure dah dept of homoland sickurity budget NEVAH gets cutted - as dat wood be ssoooooo iresponsivible!!!

And that's what happens when you allow a bunch of duel-nationals and statist fascist elite scumbags to takeover everything - via "law" of the land. Abject wage/debt/tax/fiat/inflation slavery-peonage, massive and endless psychological manipulation, theft-in-plain-sight merely called "lawful", that farcically pretends to be "moral", with the actual destruction of security, massive political-state oppression and imprisonment.

But fortunately, done under the catch-all and forgive-all-sin label of, "government".

No really, relax, it's OK if "government" does it, especially if it's "democratic".

But let's ignore the observable fact that the democratic majority of humans are barely alert and educated sufficiently to think clearly and thoroughly enough to function at minimal levels for economic debt-exploit utility - oh, yeah, that was by design also.

We can't have a democracy understanding stuff, must keep them tired, confused, irrationally frightened, and unaware of the actually blindingly-obvious fact that the government is by far their greatest and most immediate threat, to their destabilizing, destruction and enslavement of their life and their family, and to the open-theft of all their works, business endeavor, and their property.

But worst of all, to the destruction of their mind, and the mind of their children.

Why does the word 'infant' feature so prominently in the word infantry?

But you're NOT supposed to be noticing or asking stuff like that.

Another typical statist example is; Police, Policy and Politics. You see if you took the metaphorical matrixesque 'blue-pill' you wouldn't even notice what's implied in the everyday language that we use, and have grown so accustomed to using and thinking nothing of it and its connections to the truth of the 'modern' situation.

And so it is.

But you've got to admire the pure unadulterated almost demonic mind-fuckery-ism of it all.

dark_matter's picture

This is a actually a remake. In the original version citizens were instructed that when confronted by an active shooter they should release the bengal tiger or pull the lever for the 16 ton weight.

Adahy's picture

Video should have been titled:
"How to cower properly:  The dynamics of dependence"

Bloodstock's picture

Looks like the banjo pickin' inbred thang has about caught up with these fools. We Will NOT Comply!

physsilverbankruptsmorgan's picture

Walk with your hands up ,Get on the train, You will go to the east where there will be bread and Marmelade! Look how we are portrayed by our ''Protectors'' And they want us like that , no self reliance, no bravery, unarmed, I am glad I can see this for what it is sadly most don't..

physsilverbankruptsmorgan's picture

Flash Washington, Senator Diane Fienstien (a real looker she is) has introduce a bill banning assault scissors, No scissor will be over 10'' and wil not have an elongated bottom handle or the special ring finger hook. Exemptions will be for Barbers , seamstresses and members of Congress!

physsilverbankruptsmorgan's picture

Great satire video Big SIS

quadratic_equation's picture

Bunch of fat cops with their beer belly hanging over their's really funny.  The black cop is the funniest of all he looks like he's over acting.

Rome is burining's picture

I almost never post but I could not pass this up. 


I just picked up a pair of "assualt" fiskar scissors.  I believe that this makes them extra dangerous and is now likely to be put on a DHS list of weapons to be confiscated in the event of a natural disaster or hurricane.

Random_Robert's picture

Brave New World, Bitchez.


I luvs me some servitude.