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Advice From The Department Of Homeland Security: "If Attacked By A Shooter, Grab Some Scissors"

Tyler Durden's picture


Via Michael Krieger of Liberty Blitzkrieg blog,

Advice From The Department Of Homeland Security: "If Attacked By A Shooter, Grab Some Scissors"

We first heard about this from a New York Post article on the topic.  Then we watched the video for ourselves.  It’ll make you want to defund the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) immediately.  While the whole “grab scissors” to defend oneself during a mass shooting is pretty amusing, the more disturbing part is that 90% of the video just consists of people on their knees in cubicles cowering in fear or running panicked with their hands in the air.  All the while police in black uniforms and “assault weapons” race in to save the day!  The video is a great representation of how the DHS views the citizenry.  Feeble, helpless, pathetic little children.  You’ve gotta watch it for yourself! 

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Fri, 02/01/2013 - 23:44 | 3208478 TBT or not TBT
TBT or not TBT's picture

Thumb armor

Sat, 02/02/2013 - 05:54 | 3208811 Spigot
Spigot's picture

NO, not the illegal grip, it was the 30 round mag on those scissors, I tells ya!

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:26 | 3208077 Ray1968
Ray1968's picture

More than 500 yards: my Remington 700

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:34 | 3208102 A Lunatic
A Lunatic's picture

You must work in a HUGE office............

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:56 | 3208181 Pure Evil
Pure Evil's picture

Personally, I like to carry scissors that are 600 yards long so that I can take out any active disgruntled co-workers.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 23:43 | 3208481 Teamtc321
Teamtc321's picture

Careful, Zero/Blundering Biden/Gun Free Frankenstien say you might poke your eye out.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 22:09 | 3208234 unrulian
unrulian's picture

my sig 9 does pretty well to 25 yds

Sat, 02/02/2013 - 00:19 | 3208548 DoChenRollingBearing
DoChenRollingBearing's picture

You've been practicing...

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:26 | 3208079 knowless
knowless's picture

why must you deride the GED, some people choose to opt out of highschool. although, yes, I guess the test is just about on par with the education you would have recieved, except it's an extra few years you could have been elsewhere... during a period of prime mental developement..

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 22:24 | 3208287 Overfed
Overfed's picture

Chose to opt out high school. I like how you put that. ;-)

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:31 | 3208087 TBT or not TBT
TBT or not TBT's picture

The right answer to this is ending the national "Gun Free Zone" law ASAP.    The armed guards idea is stupid insomuch as it would probably create another type of DHS, overpaid over-uniformed unionized time servers, as opposed to what is needed, lots of concealed carry by any and all adults who'd like to, subject only to shall-issue level licensing for such. 

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:42 | 3208135 Enslavethechild...
EnslavethechildrenforBen's picture

Homeland Security doesn't give a flying fuck about your or my security. They are security for the filthy rich elite.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 23:11 | 3208417 Freddie
Freddie's picture

If you want these safety scissors, construction paper, elmers glue and crayons - Molon Labe!

Sat, 02/02/2013 - 00:46 | 3208598 NeedtoSecede
NeedtoSecede's picture

+100 Freddie. There are a bunch of great comments tonight but you killed it with that one!

Fuckin statist clown circus of a country we live in...

Secession Anyone?

Sat, 02/02/2013 - 01:44 | 3208668 Son of Loki
Son of Loki's picture

Those scissors better be registered....

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:43 | 3208140 The Gooch
The Gooch's picture

Just duct-tape your airways like they do.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 23:05 | 3208396 Bandit und Buster
Bandit und Buster's picture


Martha,  get the duck tape OFF the windows  Damn!

Sat, 02/02/2013 - 00:18 | 3208545 A Nanny Moose
A Nanny Moose's picture

The same enlightened folks who brought us "Duck and Cover."

Sat, 02/02/2013 - 10:41 | 3208954 Waterfallsparkles
Waterfallsparkles's picture

Really funny when you think about it. With the Bomb drills we were to sit with our back to the hall and put our hands over our heads.  Like that was going to protect us from a Bomb dropped on the school.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:19 | 3208040 Raymond K Hessel
Raymond K Hessel's picture




Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:25 | 3208075 Esso
Esso's picture

Dammit, you stole my hiccup too!

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:19 | 3208033 Ignatius
Ignatius's picture

So 'running with scissors' is now recommended? 

My 1st grade teacher Mrs. Winston thought different.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:18 | 3208037 Raymond K Hessel
Raymond K Hessel's picture


Sat, 02/02/2013 - 01:23 | 3208648 Gene8696
Gene8696's picture

Horseshit, horseshit, horseshit, this is a 4 day old story from CNN, Fox, and ALL the other horseshit media. Get off your ass ZeroHedge and quit wasting our time with this horseshit.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:19 | 3208039 qqqqtrader
qqqqtrader's picture

Only reason I'll need a pair of scissors is to cut out my slug from the deranged shooters head and keep it for a souvenir!

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:31 | 3208095 TBT or not TBT
TBT or not TBT's picture

A hammer plus a strainer or collander can work too, if you are willing to make a mess.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:36 | 3208110 A Lunatic
A Lunatic's picture

Be sure to take the ears as well, just in case you want to make a watch fob at a later date............

Sat, 02/02/2013 - 01:08 | 3208630 ZeroAvatar
ZeroAvatar's picture

Heads make nice post decorations.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:41 | 3208128 trav777
trav777's picture

thank god for that video, i never would have had a clue to just do the obvious

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:59 | 3208197 Sauk Leader
Sauk Leader's picture

Thanks DHS for the slow motion shots of fat lady boobs running out of the building. Where was the blond from the beginning of the video?!

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 22:11 | 3208238 Pure Evil
Pure Evil's picture

I wonder how this video would have turned out if this were to happen at a porn shoot and the scene being shot was one giant orgy with dwarfs.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 23:55 | 3208510 e_goldstein
e_goldstein's picture

In that case it would have garnered SEC approval.


Fri, 02/01/2013 - 23:50 | 3208491 ImReady
ImReady's picture

The blonde under the desk trick.... Now you're talkin! 

Sat, 02/02/2013 - 08:27 | 3208862 Waterfallsparkles
Waterfallsparkles's picture

How about we give Diane Finestein a pair of sissors and take away HER Gun if they are so effective.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:40 | 3208132 Common_Cents22
Common_Cents22's picture

scissors beats paper!!!

just hope he doesnt have a rock, ooops

Sat, 02/02/2013 - 05:32 | 3208793 John_Coltrane
John_Coltrane's picture

But just remember, rock breaks scissors, but paper cover rock.  Scissors are good against paper, however.

Sat, 02/02/2013 - 08:28 | 3208863 Waterfallsparkles
Waterfallsparkles's picture

Rock, Sissors, Gun.  I would guess the Gun would always win.

Sat, 02/02/2013 - 13:51 | 3209201 takeaction
takeaction's picture

PLEASE...somebody moch up a drawing of a super fighter holstering scissors after being attacked with a gun.  Or All police should know just carry scissors...Banzai...this is wide open. 

Sun, 02/03/2013 - 12:15 | 3210906 roadhazard
roadhazard's picture

How far we have come since 2000. BuchCo advocated duct tape and a roll of plastic.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:24 | 3208068 ACP
ACP's picture

They've been watching too many Hollywood bad-ass action hero movies.

Note to DHS: Real life does not resemble a Steven Seagal movie.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 23:44 | 3208484 TBT or not TBT
TBT or not TBT's picture

There's a Statham in all of us, Automatic Colt Pistol.

Sun, 02/03/2013 - 12:18 | 3210909 roadhazard
roadhazard's picture

Yes it does, Seagal is such a phony they will not even let him in an Expendables movie.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:39 | 3208127 bobthehorse
bobthehorse's picture

What are the odds of getting attacked?

I'm more worried about lightning.

If I had a gun in my house, my wife would shoot me.

No shit.


Fri, 02/01/2013 - 22:25 | 3208291 Boondocker
Boondocker's picture

as a civilian i have drawn three times and had to shoot once.

Sun, 02/03/2013 - 12:23 | 3210915 roadhazard
roadhazard's picture

I pointed a shotgun at my wife's ex a long time ago and told him if he ever came around again I would knee cap him and he would never go anywhere again. Saved a lot of paper work for the County.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 23:34 | 3208465 Bandit und Buster
Bandit und Buster's picture

Sounds like a need some counseling son! 

(or a new wife). Man up!

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 23:45 | 3208486 Calmyourself
Calmyourself's picture

spam a blog in S. Korea..  Your a sad, sad man..

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 23:58 | 3208511 e_goldstein
e_goldstein's picture

You know, some of us are getting tired of hearing how you married the wrong woman.

Get a divorce and STFU.



Sat, 02/02/2013 - 12:04 | 3209054 Shell Game
Shell Game's picture

He's a spaming mother fucker, forcing his venue on ZH property.  Pathetic, parasitic.

Sat, 02/02/2013 - 12:33 | 3209095 Pure Evil
Pure Evil's picture

From the dude's post, can you blame the wife for wanting to shoot him?

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