Advice From The Department Of Homeland Security: "If Attacked By A Shooter, Grab Some Scissors"

Tyler Durden's picture

Via Michael Krieger of Liberty Blitzkrieg blog,

Advice From The Department Of Homeland Security: "If Attacked By A Shooter, Grab Some Scissors"

We first heard about this from a New York Post article on the topic.  Then we watched the video for ourselves.  It’ll make you want to defund the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) immediately.  While the whole “grab scissors” to defend oneself during a mass shooting is pretty amusing, the more disturbing part is that 90% of the video just consists of people on their knees in cubicles cowering in fear or running panicked with their hands in the air.  All the while police in black uniforms and “assault weapons” race in to save the day!  The video is a great representation of how the DHS views the citizenry.  Feeble, helpless, pathetic little children.  You’ve gotta watch it for yourself! 

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Boondocker's picture

if you really think the cops will get there that fast, i want to lnow where you live.   even in my small town you would 2 or 3 minutes from calling 911 to a cop showing up

mumcard's picture

Or the one in Arizone where the cops shot the homeowner in the back and were heard over the radio agreeing to cover it up, but then were cleared.


PrintemDano's picture

The police don't enter until the shooting stops.  The police won't risk their lives to save innocent children if there is any chance of them getting hurt.  Even if a few wanted to, the orders from on high say safety [for the police] first.

tradewithdave's picture

See something... scissor something. 

Pure Evil's picture

Now if we can just get that displayed at Walmart and all the interstate information display panels.

Cognitive Dissonance's picture

Not much different, nor any more absurd, than the 1950's "Duck and Cover" public service announcements to 'protect' yourself from a nuclear bomb attack.

BrianZeroHedge's picture

"This is 911 - what would you like us to write on your tombstone?"

sitenine's picture

Better buy your scissors now!

I have some suspicion that Feinstein might try to classify them as assault weapons, require a background check, and possibly even ban them all together. I suspect Governor Cuomo will announce a ban for New York sometime next week.

howenlink's picture

They used to be called American Scissors, now they're called Assault Scissors, and they are NOT for hunting deer.

alfbell's picture

Rather than scissors which are dangerous, I'd prefer to throw donuts at a violent intruder or sociopath. Or maybe just hide under the nearest woman's skirt until the bad guy goes away.

TBT or not TBT's picture

You could try applauding the guy, cheering him on, and going "niice shot" "ohhh yeah" and so on.   Get on his good side. 

Pure Evil's picture

Especially if he/she, gotta be gender neutral here, is poppin' off a few of your co-workers that you'd like to see put down.

TBT or not TBT's picture

The cup is half full with Pure Evil, gotta respect that.

tradewithdave's picture

America runs on Dunkin'.... Americans don't run from Dunkin'.  Keep ruining all those donuts and see how much help you get from law enforcement.  See something like Hot Donuts Now... Say something like "Hot Donuts Now".  (apologies to Krispy Kreme and the TSA: Thousands Scissoring Around). 

otto skorzeny's picture

just call the cops and wait for them-oh wait-you'd be dead by then. last night on local Chicago news there was a story on how DHS is throwing top-notch military equipment at all of the local podunk PDs and the reporter's gripe was the taxpayer $ that was being spent on MRAPs and night vision(not that $ is not a concern) but said nothing as to WHY all of this shit is needed by Barney Fife. DHS has shut down their gun giveaway because too many were turning up missing especially w/ Chicago PD-shocking-I know.

mumcard's picture

It'll be stolen or lost within a few years.

Dr. Engali's picture

Duck and cover bitchez!

Manipuflation's picture

As requested Dr E.  Have fun with ths site if you have never visited it before.

bank guy in Brussels's picture

That's what Hillary says when they have a strap-on session

samsara's picture

That's MR. Janet to you....

Fix It Again Timmy's picture

Well, if someone waved a box cutter at me, I might die, but it would be from laughter - seriously folks, box cutters?  Does anybody believe that shit from 9/11?

otto skorzeny's picture

I could believe the box cutter thing especially since US intelligence turned a convenient blind eye to all of the obvious bullshit going on.

TBT or not TBT's picture

The FAA trained aircraft personnel to act that way in case of a hijacking, for decades.   They drilled and drilled and drilled on that.   That was of course based on non-suicidal hijackers, of which there were a lot in the news around the world up until that then, particularly in Europe.    The suicidal type of hijackers, just about uniquely islamic, were a pretty novel thing.

Yen Cross's picture

 If under attack, I'll threaten the shooter with a spitwad soaked in snot. No one wants the COOTIES...

Seize Mars's picture

I guess you only get justice if you are a Praetorian.

Yen Cross's picture

  Good post. We need moar Praetorians.

Fix It Again Timmy's picture

"Or maybe just hide under the nearest [good looking] woman's skirt".  If I'm going to die, I want to die happy...

Yes_Questions's picture



Just don't run with those scissors and whatever you do, DO NOT RUN OUT OF THE BUILDING WITH THEM EITHER.


While yelling or otherwise.


Big Bro.

We got this.

Raymond K Hessel's picture

Since these things are happening at schools, I think you'd get left back for running for your life with scissors.

icanhasbailout's picture

The idea is that you convince the perp to run with the scissors, thereby ensuring he injures himself.

Overfed's picture

I need a shoulder rig fer mah scissors.

NOTfromSanFrancisco's picture



"... and remember, if no scissors are available, grab paper, as many sheets as you can. When the active shooter passes by, take the edge of the paper and drag it across his neck from behind him, preferrably across his jugular vein if possible. Severe paper cuts and confusion on the part of the active shooter may be your only way out of this terrible situation... That or a S & W 357 with jacketed hollow points... Your choice..."

otto skorzeny's picture

I learned how to kill a man with just a withering look when I was in the SEALS

XitSam's picture

The SEALS you say, Obersturmbannführer?

Taint Boil's picture



JFC, what have we become? It would be funny if it wasn't so pathetic.

dobermangang's picture

Scissors, swords or a sharp stick just not gonna cut it at a gun fight.

ZeroAvatar's picture

"When scissors are outlawed, only seamstresses will have scissors".


(After paying $150 for a safety course and passing a suitable background check, being fingerprinted and having her medical records searched)

knowless's picture

Do you realize how bizarrely likely that Is? Chefs would hide their knives and have to license each one, kept under lock and key, only someone in good standing would be allowed a kitchen knife.. Or those who work in the right house, where such rules are of course unnecessary. Metals confiscation is not limited to the precious variety. Understand a society in decay, understand what it means to go without on a grand scale with a government beholden only to those whose influence they must buy, the level of control garnered unbridled is near limitless.

I love that i sound like a lunatic and all, but i am completely serious.

Dr. Engali's picture

You mean big sis is going to let us keep pointy scissors? Are you sure those aren't assault scissors? The sheep might hurt themselves , better pass some legislation so that we can only have scissors with rounded tips.

alfbell's picture


Goons for a corrupt State.

Did you hear that Utah Data Center?




Manipuflation's picture

Pussy Riot is all CIA from what I hear.

CompassionateFascist's picture

Communist lesbians defacing churches. So far, synagogues exempt.