Advice From The Department Of Homeland Security: "If Attacked By A Shooter, Grab Some Scissors"

Tyler Durden's picture


Via Michael Krieger of Liberty Blitzkrieg blog,

Advice From The Department Of Homeland Security: "If Attacked By A Shooter, Grab Some Scissors"

We first heard about this from a New York Post article on the topic.  Then we watched the video for ourselves.  It’ll make you want to defund the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) immediately.  While the whole “grab scissors” to defend oneself during a mass shooting is pretty amusing, the more disturbing part is that 90% of the video just consists of people on their knees in cubicles cowering in fear or running panicked with their hands in the air.  All the while police in black uniforms and “assault weapons” race in to save the day!  The video is a great representation of how the DHS views the citizenry.  Feeble, helpless, pathetic little children.  You’ve gotta watch it for yourself! 

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Sat, 02/02/2013 - 00:14 | 3208540 samsara
samsara's picture


Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:02 | 3207980 de3de8
de3de8's picture

Department of Homeland Absurdity.

Mon, 02/04/2013 - 09:38 | 3208164 rufusbird
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Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:04 | 3207985 Overfed
Overfed's picture

And who the fuck ever wanted to fund DHS in the first place? I sure as fuck didn't.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:07 | 3208000 sitenine
sitenine's picture

None of us did, now STFU and follow orders!

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:11 | 3208015 Overfed
Overfed's picture

yes, master. (skulks off to hide under the desk.)

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:27 | 3208052 sitenine
sitenine's picture

Make sure to remain absolutely silent, but call 911 and talk to the operator with details. Yes, we are aware of the conflict in that sentence, but information we can get from you before you die is worth a hell of a lot more to us than your life. OK. Good consumer!

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:36 | 3208108 zerozulu
zerozulu's picture

Not any more. Just dial 911 they know  where you are all the time..

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:42 | 3208129 sitenine
sitenine's picture

True that, but the video specifically instructs you, the about to die consumer, to give the operator details of the situation.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 23:04 | 3208401 Pure Evil
Pure Evil's picture

And, you especially want to stand in front of the office plate glass window so that if the shooter happens to walk by he can put a slug into the back of your head.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:08 | 3207988 de3de8
de3de8's picture

DP again, stinking ipad

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:06 | 3207995 traderdwa
traderdwa's picture

Reminds me of the 'duck and cover' procedure we did many years ago in grade school in case of nuclear attack. The importance of those desks has not diminished with time. And all of our scissors had rounded points!

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:07 | 3207999 vintageyz
vintageyz's picture

Oh, they should mention that needlepoint hoops are a deadly device as well.  Or, crochet needles!

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:57 | 3208192 Manipuflation
Manipuflation's picture

LMAO!  One can never be too "safe" now can they?

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:08 | 3208006 Seasmoke
Seasmoke's picture

all Patriots from 1776 are spinning in their graves

Sat, 02/02/2013 - 01:42 | 3208666 ZeroAvatar
ZeroAvatar's picture

Must be the 'great rotation' everyone's been talking about.........................

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:08 | 3208008 whiskey_tango_lima
whiskey_tango_lima's picture

C'mon, this isn't bad advice for people without the will or means to defend themselves...even it it did come from DHS.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:21 | 3208063 TBT or not TBT
TBT or not TBT's picture

You can tear somebody's ass up, UP, with a soap on a roap.   Ain't banned yet either, anywhere.   So have one.

Sat, 02/02/2013 - 00:37 | 3208583 Teamtc321
Teamtc321's picture

I've been priviledged to read some pretty fucking funny post here TBT but that rope soap, tearing ass takes the cake, lmfao.


Good grief.

Sat, 02/02/2013 - 01:51 | 3208675 TBT or not TBT
TBT or not TBT's picture

Now, if I could only get a day job...

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:29 | 3208086 notadouche
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In other words be a lamb.  I think this is how those Lambs get Silenced.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:09 | 3208010 Gohn Galt
Gohn Galt's picture

This might explain why they would always take my scissors back in the day when I would fly peasant.

Who needs gun rights when you have scissors.  The insanity is never going to end, keep training.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:50 | 3208168 TBT or not TBT
TBT or not TBT's picture

On 911, the best legal weapon for a passenger would have been....a pack of bacon.   Thick sliced or thin, hickory smoked, any brand.    Those retards went the extent of shaving their nads and oiling themselves up so they'd slip into heaven more easily.   Bacon strikes real fear into them.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 22:29 | 3208300 Gimp
Gimp's picture

The shaved "nads" story? Was that on MSN or CNN?

Sat, 02/02/2013 - 01:48 | 3208671 TBT or not TBT
TBT or not TBT's picture

Seriously, the islamic suicide prep involves shit like that, usually.    The 72 virgins things is right there in the sacred scripture, for jihadis dying giving it to the infidels.   But you can't be unclean, so, bacon.  QED

Sat, 02/02/2013 - 09:15 | 3208899 Just Ice
Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:11 | 3208013 e_goldstein
e_goldstein's picture

If scissors are unavailable, try rock or paper.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:14 | 3208021 mendolover
mendolover's picture

FUCKING CELL PHONE!  WHERE THE HELL IS A SIGNAL WHEN I NEED IT!  Good thing I brought my Ruger to work today!

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:15 | 3208026 Bicycle Repairman
Bicycle Repairman's picture

No doubt there were plenty of scissors available at Columbine and Sandy Hook.  How'd that turn out, fucktards?

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 23:08 | 3208405 Pure Evil
Pure Evil's picture

They were the rounded end type, so no good in a shootout. Only scissors with pointed ends will allow you to emerge victorious.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:14 | 3208027 enoch_root
enoch_root's picture

ever heard the saying ....

"... like taking scissors to a gunfight."

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:14 | 3208029 zerozulu
zerozulu's picture

Ultimately citizens of the this country will be left with alternate second amendment, hide under the table and crap in your pants.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:16 | 3208030 William.M.Tweed
William.M.Tweed's picture

When law enforcement officals arrive... immediately raise your hands and... BOHICA!

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:16 | 3208031 Seasmoke
Seasmoke's picture

well thats why we never see any mass killings in barber shops !

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:15 | 3208034 q99x2
q99x2's picture

If attacked by the Dept. of Homeland Security grab a shooter.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:20 | 3208046 notadouche
notadouche's picture

Don't trap yourself but hide under your desk using a waste basket and a chair to protect yourself from what I suppose must be a very wicked paint ball attack.  I heard that little video cost about 5 Million to produce and is titled Zero 9 to 5:30.  What no Jessica Chastain?

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:19 | 3208050 lolmao500
lolmao500's picture

Something I never thought I'd see : NYS people fighting back!

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:26 | 3208080 mendolover
mendolover's picture

I have a good friend up that way and he tells me people up there are PISSED OFF!

Sat, 02/02/2013 - 00:09 | 3208533 samsara
samsara's picture

There are TWO NY States,

1. The CITY

2. Everything North of Westchester.


#2 ALWAYS has and ALWAYS will HATE #1.

Sat, 02/02/2013 - 00:22 | 3208557 Bandit und Buster
Bandit und Buster's picture
PAY ATTENTION FOLKS, there is a plan here:"When the conspirators get ready to take over theUnited States they will use  fluoridated water and vaccines tochange people's attitudes and loyalties and make them docile,apathetic, unconcerned and groggy. According to their ownwritings and the means they have  already confessedly employed,the conspirators have deliberately planned and developed methodsto mentally deteriorate, morally debase, and completely enslavethe masses. They will prepare  vaccines containing drugs thatwill completely change people. Secret Communist plans forconquering America were adopted in 1914 and published in 1953.These plans called for  compulsory vaccination with vaccinescontaining change agent drugs. They also plan on using  diseasegerms, fluoridation and vaccinations to weaken the people andreduce the population."  (Impact of Science on Society, byBertrand Russell)
Sat, 02/02/2013 - 04:10 | 3208756 knowless
knowless's picture

Nearly the entire us is now fluoridated, even while nearly all us conquests after ww2, after regaining some democratic authority over their own people have chosen to forego and discontinue public water supply fluoridation. Vaccinations can greatly reduce your chance of contracting specific strains of a disease, but over vaccination, like the over use of antibiotics leads to newer more pervasive and deadly strains of viruses and bacteria, it's best to forego vaccination in many cases, but not all. A naturally built immune system is your best defense, which is wrought through exposure to people, places, and at its best the natural world. And by the way, your food is tainted, invest in yore health by choosing as close to the source as possible.

Sat, 02/02/2013 - 14:48 | 3209296 TBT or not TBT
TBT or not TBT's picture

Don't forget the dihydrogen monoxide that's been a big component of city water since the romans first put up aqueducts

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 22:43 | 3208339 IridiumRebel
IridiumRebel's picture

Let me tell ya something, NYC is not NYS. I Grew up in Kansas and rednecks in middle NYS make Kansans look like Princeton grads. They are pissed! I got cousins. They ain't giving up shit. "Cuomo the Homo" has lost 20 pts on his job performance rating in 2 weeks.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 22:47 | 3208347 The Gooch
The Gooch's picture


I was at the Glenview Il "forum" last week.


Fri, 02/01/2013 - 23:55 | 3208506 lolmao500
lolmao500's picture

Those coward statists trash should have their teeth kicked in...

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 23:59 | 3208514 The Gooch
The Gooch's picture

That's why they (New Trier Democrats) moved the "forum" from the library to the police department.

They got word that we were coming.

They had the cops walk them to their cars afterwards.


Sat, 02/02/2013 - 04:14 | 3208758 knowless
knowless's picture

Jack boots for all!

Sat, 02/02/2013 - 11:00 | 3208980 Svendblaaskaeg
Svendblaaskaeg's picture

+1 for hope

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:28 | 3208053 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

 I can have "metal scissors in  kindergarten?   It's tough [for us adults], to get a plastic fork on an Aeroplane.

  I wonder if my "G.I. Joe" lunchbox would pass muster?

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:22 | 3208059 Whatta
Whatta's picture

Why am I hearing the Stones in my head...

Oh, a storm is threat'ning
My very life today
If I don't get some shelter
Oh yeah, I'm gonna fade away

War, children, it's just a shot away
It's just a shot away
War, children, it's just a shot away
It's just a shot away

Ooh, see the fire is sweepin'
Our very street today
Burns like a red coal carpet
Mad bull lost its way

War, children, it's just a shot away
It's just a shot away
War, children, it's just a shot away
It's just a shot away

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