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Friday Tragicomedy: Former Fed Advisor Urges Fed To Buy More, "A Lot More" ... $30 Trillion More

Tyler Durden's picture


While we can only hope the following screed posted in an otherwise serious BusinessWeek, by David Kemper, CEO of Commerce Bankshare, and more importantly, a former president of the Federal Advisory Council of the Federal Reserve and thus indicative of the kind of "advice" the Fed receives, is a joke we have a very nagging feeling that the text below is actually serious. Which is why instead of Friday humor, we have decided to err on the side of caution and call this segment Friday tragicomedy. Because with a statement such as the following: "Why not expand the Fed balance sheet exponentially, from its current $3 trillion to $33 trillion... Would $30 trillion in extra buying power be inflationary when our entire current GDP is only about $15 trillion? Maybe, maybe not—but we need a game-changer here. First let’s celebrate the Fed’s record profits and its contribution to reducing our deficit. Then let’s seize the moment to do something truly grand: eliminate that stubborn deficit. We have the tools, and I, for one, say let’s give it a try."... it shows that the idiotic trillion dollar coin, Sheila Bair's farcical suggestion to let every American borrow $10 million from the Fed at zero rates, or even our suggestion from a year ago that the government build a Death Star, may appear as sheer genius in comparison to what else the Fed may be considering, and implement, before all this is said and done.

From BusinessWeek

QE Cubed: A Modest Proposal for More Fed Buying. A Lot More

by David Kemper, Chairman, President and Chief Executive Officer of Commerce Bancshares, Inc., and Past President of the Federal Advisory Council of the Federal Reserve

The ongoing depressing news about the American fiscal situation has obscured the startling and very impressive earnings performance recently announced by the Federal Reserve. The Fed, in its usual understated way, just revealed it will be turning over $90 billion in 2012 profits to the U.S. Treasury, a much-needed contribution that will put a sizable dent in our nation’s current $1 trillion federal deficit.

The Fed’s earnings performance over the last several years has been exceptional. It earned more than twice Apple’s after-tax earnings last year, the result of a simple but powerful strategy: borrow money at very low rates, then buy long-term bonds.

Now, some people might question the Fed’s exceptional results and point out that it has an unfair advantage in that it has a monopoly on manufacturing the U.S. dollar. Yes, the Fed does have extraordinary profit margins, since its cost of goods sold is close to zero (basically paper, some bond traders, and access to the Internet), and yes, so far the demand for new dollars seems unlimited. Meanwhile, we as a society seem to have no stomach for trying to reduce our soaring deficit and our accelerating entitlement programs. No one in our federal government seems to be willing to work out a long-term fiscal solution. Why not go with a business model that has proven to be such a winner?

That is why I propose the Federal Open Market Committee’s next move be to take our central bank to a whole new level—a 2013 campaign that I call QE Cubed. Why not expand the Fed balance sheet exponentially, from its current $3 trillion to $33 trillion? Earning an extra 3 percent on another $30 trillion in bonds would allow the Fed to return an additional $900 billion to the Treasury—thus wiping out most of our federal deficit while avoiding actually having to do anything about current government spending.

I’m sure some skeptics will scoff that this might be a little irresponsible. They make invoke memories of Weimar Germany. And, oh, by the way, where is the Fed going to find $30 trillion in acceptable bonds? I am the first to admit that the Fed will have to buy all $15 trillion or so of our current U.S. debt, as well as most of our agency and some corporate debt, in order to reach an additional $30 trillion. But we can make this happen! Here’s the plan:

The Fed will buy all outstanding Treasury debt held by our major creditors–including the Chinese, the Japanese, the Saudis, Bill Gross, and everybody else. This is not a bad thing; it is a major opportunity consistent with current monetary policy. Let’s cut through the economic mumbo-jumbo and put it in human terms: Would you, the American taxpayer, rather owe money to your benevolent rich uncle (the Fed) who is trying to get you a job, or to your no-good brother-in-law (you know who) who is out to steal your business and all your intellectual property? Not a difficult decision. Our current creditors, flush with cash from a $30 trillion infusion, would have to buy something else, further driving up asset prices and lowering interest rates.

Would $30 trillion in extra buying power be inflationary when our entire current GDP is only about $15 trillion? Maybe, maybe not—but we need a game-changer here. First let’s celebrate the Fed’s record profits and its contribution to reducing our deficit. Then let’s seize the moment to do something truly grand: eliminate that stubborn deficit. We have the tools, and I, for one, say let’s give it a try.


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Fri, 02/01/2013 - 15:33 | 3207068 NoWayJose
NoWayJose's picture

We WILL be borrowing 10 million dollars before all is said and done - just to buy a loaf of bread.  The inflation genie does not like to go back into the bottle.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 15:48 | 3207156 GolfHatesMe
GolfHatesMe's picture

why not $319 Trillion, Everyone gets their own Trillion

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 15:50 | 3207164 Say What Again
Say What Again's picture

Should I be nervous?
The VIX might break through 13 to the upside.

Hey Bernank,
Your team is getting lazy!!!

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 15:51 | 3207171 knukles
knukles's picture

Come on now, let's not be too harsh.  Not every leader adviser or others in positions of grave import and influence can be sane now, can they?

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 15:53 | 3207188 Say What Again
Say What Again's picture

You're right -- I was expecting too much.

However, I thought I saw his photo on 4chan

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 16:10 | 3207262 MisterMousePotato
MisterMousePotato's picture

We live in such a strange, upside down world that I honestly cannot tell if this is deadpan humor or really intended seriously. Has to be intended as humor, I mean, "Why not go with a business model that has proven to be such a winner?" Seriously?

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 16:21 | 3207306 Thomas
Thomas's picture

He was clearly being facetious. Nobody would recommend growing the balance sheet by 6 Krugmans.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 16:29 | 3207329 negative rates
negative rates's picture

Absolute power, corrupts absolutly.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 17:09 | 3207491 Say What Again
Say What Again's picture

I just bought one of those high end printers.

Where do I get some of that cool paper with all the threads and watermarks?

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 17:34 | 3207529 Manthong
Manthong's picture

The sad thing is that his facetious and acerbic prescription is lost on most people.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 17:43 | 3207588 Calmyourself
Calmyourself's picture

It is not sad it should be very frightening to see guys like this using black humor to attack the ptb.  The confidence end game may be closer than I have thought.  One thing is sure this guys basement is full of ensure, guns and gold and he best stay out of hottubs.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 20:47 | 3207885 SafelyGraze
SafelyGraze's picture

A lot of us on the fomc have been thinking about how to make best use of what we informally refer to as a 'restorative move', whether it be on the scale of 30T or 300T in money supply.

in the past, our thinking was limited by a narrow interpretation of our legislatively mandated authority, namely, that we would only be able, as part of such a move, to lend money which would later be sopped up as the loans were repaid.

but with the advent of outright purchases of MBS, we are finding our way into the greener pastures of economic stabilization without the shadow of debt repayment and its concomitant monetary contraction.

our main obstacle has been the lack of financialization opportunities at a large enough scale to qualify, from our perspective, as a genuinely restorative move in our outright-purchase policy going forward.

but together with our partners in the treasury and among the primary dealers, we have successfully established structured securitization of the federal government.

beginning this year, we anticipate purchasing Freedom Facility Equity Vehicles at the pace of $1T permonth. These instruments are tranches of a securitized pool formed by the assets and governance of the US. The market value is, in essence, the total worth of the entire nation, which allows us a mechanism for injecting liquidity into the market on a scale that can make a genuine difference.


Sat, 02/02/2013 - 08:24 | 3208859 ATM
ATM's picture

Bravo. Only needs quotation marks but it will get them soon enough.

Sat, 02/02/2013 - 11:50 | 3209007 SWRichmond
SWRichmond's picture

Hjalmar Schacht / MEFO bills, bitches. All we need is more leverage, and in total secrecy, on pain of death.

Read Schacht's testimony before the Nuremberg Tribunals.

et al

"It goes without saying that in normal times and under normal economic conditions such means as Mefo Bills would not have been resorted to. But if there is an emergency, then it has always been customary, and it has always been a policy recommended by all experts, that the issuing bank should furnish cheap money and credits so that the economic system can, in turn continue to function.

Mefo Bills, of course, were a thoroughly risky operation, but they were absolutely not risky if they were connected with a reasonable financial procedure, and to prove this I would say that if Herr Hitler, after 1937, had used the accruing funds to pay back the Mefo Bills, as had been intended - the money was there - then this system would have come to its end just as smoothly as I had put it in operation. But Herr Hitler preferred simply to refuse to pay the bills back, and instead to invest the money in further armament. I could not foresee that someone would break his word in such a matter too, a purely business matter."

Sat, 02/02/2013 - 00:00 | 3208515 Al Gorerhythm
Al Gorerhythm's picture

I thought I was reading MDB.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:38 | 3208120 Tango in the Blight
Tango in the Blight's picture

Can you make gold with a 3D printer?

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 19:04 | 3207775 DavidC
DavidC's picture

Nice one Thomas!


Fri, 02/01/2013 - 16:20 | 3207312 James_Cole
James_Cole's picture

This is a joke, it's even called "A modest proposal," it's actually pretty witty too!

"I’m sure some skeptics will scoff that this might be a little irresponsible. They make invoke memories of Weimar Germany. And, oh, by the way, where is the Fed going to find $30 trillion in acceptable bonds? I am the first to admit that the Fed will have to buy all $15 trillion or so of our current U.S. debt, as well as most of our agency and some corporate debt, in order to reach an additional $30 trillion. But we can make this happen! Here’s the plan:

The Fed will buy all outstanding Treasury debt held by our major creditors–including the Chinese, the Japanese, the Saudis, Bill Gross, and everybody else. This is not a bad thing; it is a major opportunity consistent with current monetary policy."

Obviously he's kidding.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 16:35 | 3207356 smlbizman
smlbizman's picture

you should not write letters and smoke pot while taking may embarrass yourself

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 17:01 | 3207466 Almost Solvent
Almost Solvent's picture

Unless one is drunk

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 17:11 | 3207499 Jack Napier
Jack Napier's picture

Damn I miss college. Now where did I put those letters...

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 20:21 | 3207886 TheFourthStooge-ing
TheFourthStooge-ing's picture

Don't bogart that chloroform, bro.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 15:56 | 3207182 Stackers
Stackers's picture

I'm not sure which "winning business model" he is referring to since two sentences before that he said the Fed has an unfair advantage with zero overhead cost beyond paying $9.99/mnth for DSL internet and "sells" a product with unlimited demand. I would hardly call that a "business model" .... more like slavery or fuedalism


It's like having a monoply to sell air, and being amazed at the amount of money you can make doing it and calling it a genius business model.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 15:57 | 3207210 ShorTed
ShorTed's picture

Dear Commerce Bancshare shareholders.  SELL EVERYTHING NOW!  Your chairman is an idiot.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 16:27 | 3207327 Payable on Death
Payable on Death's picture

Funny thing, Commerce regularly appears on Forbes' safest bank list. Same with UMB, which is run by KC's other Kempers.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 16:46 | 3207414 caconhma
caconhma's picture

I am desperately trying to figure out whether the Fed and their masters are completely incompetent idiots or their goal is to ruin America economy leading to a civil war?



Fri, 02/01/2013 - 16:01 | 3207224 Mad Mohel
Mad Mohel's picture

Uh professor I think you may be short some zeroes there.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 16:07 | 3207244 Bunga Bunga
Bunga Bunga's picture

Every citizen gets a free one trillion dollar coin, why not.

Sat, 02/02/2013 - 00:02 | 3208518 Al Gorerhythm
Al Gorerhythm's picture

Starving trillionaires.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 16:59 | 3207461 Panafrican Funk...
Panafrican Funktron Robot's picture

I remember when Charles Evans went on CNBC a while back and said some crazy shit about unlimited QE with an employment target.  Crazy shit.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 17:10 | 3207490 midtowng
midtowng's picture

I like the Death Star idea more.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 20:09 | 3207868 Bansters-in-my-...
Bansters-in-my- feces's picture

"why not $319 Trillion,Everyone gets their own Trillion"


 I am going out on a limb here and guessing math is not your major.

Nor was it of the 16 people who agree with you.

Or you live in a country of 319 citizens...

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 15:48 | 3207166 mayhem_korner
mayhem_korner's picture



Did MDB just blow his cover...?

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 15:56 | 3207202 akak
akak's picture

MDB always blows.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 16:13 | 3207264 Lohn Jocke
Lohn Jocke's picture

That or he blew his load reading this.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 16:15 | 3207275 azzhatter
azzhatter's picture

I stopped at the local JPM branch this morning and asked to fill out an application for that $10 million loan for ZIRP. Oddly, they didn't seem to know anything about it.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 16:28 | 3207332 James-Morrison
James-Morrison's picture

They didn't get the "FULL RETARD" memo, yet.  

Sounds to me like:  "This damn gas pedal doesn't let my Chevy exceed 110 MPH.  Let's duct tape a Jet Engine on this mother..."

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 16:47 | 3207418 LongSoupLine
LongSoupLine's picture

Holy fucking shit..what the fuck.


Does the stupidity have a fucking bottom?

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 17:09 | 3207493 sessinpo
sessinpo's picture

NoWayJose:"We WILL be borrowing 10 million dollars before all is said and done - just to buy a loaf of bread.  The inflation genie does not like to go back into the bottle."


I assume you mean 10 trillion, not million?


Anyway, to get to my point. Let's say, you NoWayJose, had the power to print money. Let's also assume you owed $1 trillion in liabilities. Maybe it is loans (bonds), maybe it payments to social programs such as SS or Medicare, or probably a combination of such.


You print $1 trillion dollars. Where does it go? It doesn't go into the economy. It goes to service old debts - the $1 trillion you owed (MONEY, OR RESOURCES ALREADY SPENT).


That is a very basic econ 101 that most ZH are missing.


Now take the current environment. Guess what? That $30 trillion is nothing. Yes, I said nothing. Just alone in the US, the obligations of the USA exceed $30 trillion by at least double. Now factor in nations around the world and $30 trillion is like trying to settle a $1 million dollar debt with $1000 dollars.


 That is why inflation is not raging as most think and predict it should. All the money printed and will be printed isn't enough because it isn't "circulating normally" through economies. It is servicing old debt - money already spent.




Fri, 02/01/2013 - 15:32 | 3207069 Say What Again
Say What Again's picture

Do they give these guys Pshyc Evaluations?

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 15:35 | 3207079 cossack55
cossack55's picture

No, just endless free samples of the full SSRI smorgasbord.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 15:39 | 3207095 Say What Again
Say What Again's picture

This guy sounds like he takes Lithium, Prozaccc, Effexor, and moar with a double shot of Jack D.!!!

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 15:54 | 3207189 TerminalDebt
TerminalDebt's picture

The next step is usually to make inflation illegal.

The next step would be limiting bank withdraws to $500 a day, by this time a loaf of bread would cost $12,000.

In the age of electronic money the step after that will see accounts frozen because they use 64bit signed int to represent your balance, and 4.3Billion dollars would buy you 3 eggs.



Fri, 02/01/2013 - 16:07 | 3207246 Divided States ...
Divided States of America's picture

Hes right. From now on, Economics 101 should be renamed Fixing Paper Jams 101 in all higher education institutions all over the world.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 16:15 | 3207282 Bunga Bunga
Bunga Bunga's picture

That's nothing, they square circles every day.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 15:35 | 3207083 ThirdWorldDude
ThirdWorldDude's picture

This asylum is run by the inmates and the best-est and greatest among them end up with a Nobel prize...

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 15:48 | 3207157 brusty4
brusty4's picture

This was clearly tongue-in-cheek the way I read it. 

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 17:16 | 3207512 sessinpo
sessinpo's picture

brusty4: "This was clearly tongue-in-cheek the way I read it."


Regardless, the comment, the response is what is interesting. And I posted a logical explaination as to why I disagree. Tongue-cheek, sarcasm, joke, seriousness. It shows you the thinking of the poster and if one agrees or disagrees, that is what we are responding too. That is what you responded too.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 15:51 | 3207172 EscapeKey
EscapeKey's picture

No need for evaluation.

What he's describing is full takeover of the United States by the central bank.

But obviously, being a lying and deceitful piece of shit, he has to polish the shit until it sounds good. And put glitter on it.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 16:28 | 3207334 negative rates
negative rates's picture

Does that mean his shit don't stink?

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 15:32 | 3207071 Cursive
Cursive's picture

Not sure if serious?  The title reads like a Swiftian parody.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 15:40 | 3207116 insanelysane
insanelysane's picture

It is February 1st not April 1st.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 16:13 | 3207278 Dr. No
Dr. No's picture

I agree.  The FED is a private company, There has to be an angle of profit for the FED.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 16:43 | 3207405 FoeHammer
FoeHammer's picture

Incorrect. The FED is quasi private to fool the sheep into believing it has their best interest in mind! IE low unemployment and low inflation and "helping the economy". It is simply there to finance the gov't because no one else will/can.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 17:19 | 3207520 Dr. No
Dr. No's picture

I see you are fooled as well.  The FED is not there to fund the government.  It is currently doing so since it aligns with the Shareholders goals.  If the goals differ, the FED will cut funding to the gov.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 17:22 | 3207526 sessinpo
sessinpo's picture

And apparently you are fooled by not know the history of Facism.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 17:27 | 3207536 Dr. No
Dr. No's picture

If you mean that Facism, when it occurs, the Federal government will nationalize the FED?  That may or may not happen.  Who knows.  But currently the FED is independant of the government and the FEDs actions are to serve the interests of the biggest banks and its shareholders.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 17:31 | 3207555 sessinpo
sessinpo's picture

Nationalize the FED? Do you realize that is redundant?


At this point I will discontinue this conversation until you realize the blunder you just stated.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 17:35 | 3207565 Dr. No
Dr. No's picture

Ha ha! You actually believe the FED is owned by the federal government?  I didnt think there were any of you left......


"Who is being naive now Kaye?"

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 17:49 | 3207614 akak
akak's picture

Whether the Fed is technically, de facto or de jure owned by the federal government, or vice versa, is a distinction without a distinction.  Arguing that the Fed is technically "privately owned" or not takes nothing away from the fact that it is a parasitic and fundamentally evil institution.


Fri, 02/01/2013 - 19:05 | 3207776 auric1234
auric1234's picture

Believe me, if the Bernank needed people to vote him, he'd be utmost succesful. All it needs is to pull an helicopter trick over each major city.


Fri, 02/01/2013 - 19:06 | 3207778 auric1234
auric1234's picture


Sat, 02/02/2013 - 07:42 | 3208844 DYS
DYS's picture

You need to understand your blunder.    The Federal Reserve is as governmental as Federal Express.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 18:23 | 3207687 DosZap
DosZap's picture

First let’s celebrate the Fed’s record profits and its contribution to reducing our deficit. Then let’s seize the moment to do something truly grand: eliminate that stubborn deficit.

Well I am so HOPPY  U R Hoppy at their tremendous earnings.

What did that cover?, leeme see, a tad over 1 months 85 Billion purchases of the T Bills/Bonds,because NO ONE ELSE wants them YOU IDIOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!.

Your grendiloquent style is very ignorant.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 17:21 | 3207522 sessinpo
sessinpo's picture

Excellent post - many up arrows for that one.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 16:16 | 3207290 Cursive
Cursive's picture


"A Modest Proposal"?  That's a dead giveaway.  Invoking Swift's time-honored use of a sarcastic title, he gains the ability to show the absurd without ruffling feathers, i.e. he can always distance himself from the article.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 17:51 | 3207629 Calmyourself
Calmyourself's picture

Obviously the sarcasm detectors need a major tune up around here, next thing he'll recommend is eating Irish children and you'll all demonize him as heartless and possessed of bad taste..    More importantly is who is using black humor to criticize the Fed in this way, those are the implications we should discuss.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 18:49 | 3207747 Al Huxley
Al Huxley's picture

+1 - your 2nd astute observation is unfortunately completely lost on all those whose sarcasm detectors are faulty.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 15:34 | 3207072 Gene Parmesan
Gene Parmesan's picture

Go for it! Let's get this party started already.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 15:34 | 3207073 cossack55
cossack55's picture

I don't get it Tylers.  What could possibly go wrong.   

Pump, pump,

pump it up the rump.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 15:35 | 3207076 Say What Again
Say What Again's picture


So everyone's cost of living goes UP exponentially, so the gov can spend more?

Where do I sign up?

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 15:35 | 3207086 cossack55
Fri, 02/01/2013 - 15:35 | 3207077 Bastiat
Bastiat's picture

Good idea: the Fed should buy all the outstanding treasury debt: then we should cancel it, dissolve the fed and create a new currency.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 15:44 | 3207136 madcows
madcows's picture

Yup.  FED and China are going to be really upset when they find out that we can't pay back all that money they lent us. 

Really though, isn't this why the FED is pumping like crazy?  They are desperate to keep the Country solvent, otherwise they don't get paid at all.  Benny can either monetize the debt and get paid back in reduced value dollars, or he can not get paid back at all.  Poor fucking FED is going to go the way of the S&L crooks.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 18:52 | 3207758 Al Huxley
Al Huxley's picture

The founders of the Fed knew what they were doing, from day 1.  Don't think for  a second that they're somehow surprised by the current situation - they've always known it was inevitable, and most certainly have a real 'exit strategy' although it's not one that the general public is going to be privy to.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 20:24 | 3207890 DaveA
DaveA's picture

The founders of the Fed did indeed have an "exit strategy". It was, "by the time our scam collapses, we'll be long dead!"

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 15:52 | 3207179 EscapeKey
EscapeKey's picture

Yes, because power crazed individuals/institutions are well known for handing over powers, once gained.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 15:36 | 3207080 digitlman
digitlman's picture

This is idiotic at best.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 15:44 | 3207127 ThirdWorldDude
ThirdWorldDude's picture

You know, as I get older and more rational I'm getting quite convinced that one specific theory holds much truth:

Humanity's collective IQ is a constant, the problem is we're breeding like rabbits.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 16:30 | 3207343 negative rates
negative rates's picture

New in town is ya??

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 15:37 | 3207085 Lost Wages
Lost Wages's picture

May as well get it all out of the way at once instead of meting it out year after year and pretending it's not happening at all.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 15:37 | 3207087 lizzy36
lizzy36's picture

As a former advisor to the Tooth Fairy and Santa Claus, with no responsibility or ACCOUNTABILITY i think $60 Trillion has a nice ring to it.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 16:03 | 3207227 madcows
madcows's picture

What comes after a trillion?.... Ludicrous-ion.  Funny, he doesn't look Druish.  It's MegaBen, he's gone from suck to blow.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 15:37 | 3207088 TheEmperor
TheEmperor's picture


I can feel your anger, let the farce flow thru you.

Only then can you unleash the power of the QE dark-side.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 16:28 | 3207323 Silver Bully
Silver Bully's picture

'We have the tools, and I, for one, say let’s give it a try.'

I, for one, welcome our new money printing overlords. I’d like to remind them that as a trusted TV personality, I can be helpful in rounding up others to be processed into printing ink.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 15:38 | 3207093 Cdad
Cdad's picture

Forget borrowing $10 million from the Fed.  Why not just GIVE it to us?  Yeah...screw this whole work thing.  

Good this the top in bank desperation and stupidity?  How do you top this $30 trillion in money for nothing [and chicks for free] idea?  

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 15:40 | 3207117 fuu
fuu's picture

Why stop at $30T? Why not 33T? Or 42T?

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 16:40 | 3207394 XitSam
XitSam's picture

The Full Bernanke: 100 Trillion Luftballons

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 19:04 | 3207437 fuu
fuu's picture

You and I, and a little toy shop
Buy a bag of balloons with the money we've got
Set them free at the break of dawn
'Til one by one, they were gone

Back at the Fed, bugs in the software
Flash the message, "Some thing's out there"
Floating in the summer sky
Ninety-nine trillion FERNS go by

Ninety-nine trillion FERNS
Floating in the summer sky
Panic lads, it's a red alert
There's something here from somewhere else

The war machine springs to life
Opens up one eager eye
Focusing it on the sky
Ninety-nine Trillion FERNS go by

Ninety-nine Decision Street
Ninety-nine ministers meet
To worry, worry, super-scurry
Call the troops out in a hurry

This is what we've waiting for
This is it boys, this is war
The President is on the line
As ninety-nine Trillion FERNS go by

Ninety-nine knights of the air
Riding super high-tech jet fighters
Everyone's a super hero
Everyone's a Captain Kirk

With orders to identify, to clarify and classify
Scrambling in the summer sky
As ninety-nine Trillion FERNS go by
Ninety-nine Trillion FERNS go by

Ninety-nine dreams I have had
Every one a red balloon
Now it's all over and I'm standin' pretty
In this dust that was a city

If I could find a souvenir
Just to prove the world was here
And here is a gold doubloon
I think of you and let it go

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:39 | 3208121 TheFourthStooge-ing
TheFourthStooge-ing's picture

Small potatoes. If it's going to be a fiat party, there's nothing like living large.

Make it $1999T.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 15:52 | 3207177 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

Total insaity like this just tells me its all about to derail and crash again one overnite soon.

OH and as an aside, '$3 trillion' is just bullshit...since 2008 they're printed and propped at LEAST $30 trillion more than that according to Neil Barofsky and that number was 2 years ago....who the fuck do they think they're fooling with their $30 trillion moar? We already did that many quarters ago!

'FED advisor' FUK U!!

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 15:37 | 3207096 venturen
venturen's picture

Then se could have the FED just buy everything from everyone...and throw it in a dump...then we would all be rich...just buying up everything for any price... This is wall street thinking!

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 15:39 | 3207097 Temporalist
Temporalist's picture

He doesn't believe in the recovery?  Tar and feather him!

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 15:38 | 3207099 Piranhanoia
Piranhanoia's picture

Today's English lesson to accompany Friday Humor

The root word of Economics is;   "comic"

The combination of the two words; "exact same" is not not compatible.  You can use "exactly the same" or "same",  but you can't leave out the "the" in the middle.   

thank you, the Department of Redundancy Department.


Fri, 02/01/2013 - 15:40 | 3207101 kaiserhoff
kaiserhoff's picture

Hell yes.  Let's drive those interest rates down to minus 10%.  That will show the last three working stiffs we're serious about this..., whatever the hell Ben started back when he had a plan.

What a minute.., why is that Kraut Dude backing up his truck?

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 15:39 | 3207103 vote_libertaria...
vote_libertarian_party's picture

I've known this guy in a previous life.  Very fiscally conservative.  Well, 10 years ago he was.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 15:45 | 3207145 Skyprince
Skyprince's picture

Satire...and if not, we've crossed the Rubicon.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 15:42 | 3207105 Bastiat
Bastiat's picture


Fri, 02/01/2013 - 15:40 | 3207111 Bastiat
Bastiat's picture

Seriously, buy it up with what? New thin-air fiat.  And we can make the Chinese and all the other sellers of UST paper PROMISE not to spend any of that new fiat in a way that upsets us.

Velocity of money tied up in UST paper, zero. Velocity of new cash: >0

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 15:42 | 3207114 Temporalist
Temporalist's picture

What happens if your "benevolent rich uncle" just touched you where he shouldn't.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 15:52 | 3207118 CaptainSpaulding
CaptainSpaulding's picture

Wow, Thats a lot of money.



Fri, 02/01/2013 - 15:43 | 3207119 Turin Turambar
Turin Turambar's picture

Sheesh.  Doesn't this idiot read the news, or listen to Harry Reid?  We're already in a recovery dumbarse.  It's obvious that the worst is behind us, and it's going to be all sunshine and lolipops soon.  :-O

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 18:14 | 3207678 DosZap
DosZap's picture

 Doesn't this idiot read the news, or listen to Harry Reid? We're already in a recovery dumbarse. It's obvious that the worst is behind us


Reid said this because Bawney Fwank had already gotten the worst of Reid from behind him.

On a serious note, anyone with a half a grey matter cell that's sucking wind, KNOWS we are not in a recovery, and have never been in one since 2008,we are in, and have been  in a Greater Depression since then.

And the sad part is it's going to get far worse.

I would prefer giving the families the cash(maybe not quite that much), but enough for the shelves to empty of all things possible.( may be had Beeny dine that to begin with,we would have come out of this 4yrs ago, but insted propped up the banks,and let them draw a quarter basis point for holding it.

That would definitely kickstart the econ, and those of smart enough would buy every piece of PM's available, and EXIT stage right Immediately.

Of course we here are far smarter than the average bears, right?, WE know this WAS the plan from day UNO of the Kings plans.


Fri, 02/01/2013 - 15:43 | 3207120 Bluntly Put
Bluntly Put's picture

As long as the sociopaths in power like this guy get the new credit/currency/TP FIRST, they could care less what kind destruction it causes in the real economy.





Fri, 02/01/2013 - 15:42 | 3207121 Smuckers
Smuckers's picture

Lets give everyone a sheet of paper, and a crayon.

Whenever they want to buy something, tear off a piece, jot the number down and hand it over for payment.

Oh shit, wait, this is already being done.


Fri, 02/01/2013 - 15:46 | 3207122 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

If some is good than a whole lot more is even gooder.

<As Mrs. Cog likes to say "It must be a man who came up with that".>

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 15:42 | 3207124 Rusty Diggins
Rusty Diggins's picture

I'm going out to buy left over party favors from New Years, this guy is on to something!

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 15:46 | 3207131 Racer
Racer's picture

This is first of April isn't it? It isn't???????????? It is, surely???

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 15:44 | 3207132 Frastric
Frastric's picture

All we need is for the Federal Reserve to create fantasy assets which it can deleverage to ofset the infusion of new money and this financial repression will be complete; no inflation from money printing.

Totally bloody depressing...

Now I'm off to kill myself...

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 15:46 | 3207135 laomei
laomei's picture

Great idea right there.  Give the people who print the money the right to buy things without limit.  Couldn't possibly fail!

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 15:46 | 3207140 Bay of Pigs
Bay of Pigs's picture

I wonder what Krugman thinks about this?

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 15:52 | 3207176 madcows
madcows's picture

Kruggy thinks focusing on the debt is actually a very bad thing right now.  Damn nutjob thinks even more government spending of borrowed dollars will magically cause economic growth.  He's so fucking stupid that he thinks even more massive debt will fix our already massive debt.  It's a good thing they are taking away the guns.  People are going to start shooting soon, and Kruggy and Benny will target number one.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 15:47 | 3207142 Orange Pekoe
Orange Pekoe's picture

What is sad is it's going to happen.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 15:47 | 3207146 mayhem_korner
mayhem_korner's picture



Friend of mind once said that "insanity, by definition, has no limits."

I've never appreciated that more than now.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 15:46 | 3207155 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

The entire world is now certified 100% fucking insane. 

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 15:48 | 3207160 KCMLO
KCMLO's picture

Ahh fuck, I bank at Commerce.  I thought they were one of the more sane banks available.  Guess if dipshit is at the helm I probably need to look elsewhere (again).  I know it would be more ideal to work in only cash but I thought giving good banks my business at least voted with my wallet against bad banks.  <sigh>

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 15:51 | 3207180 IridiumRebel
IridiumRebel's picture

go local/regional......

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 15:59 | 3207216 KCMLO
KCMLO's picture

Commerce is regional.  Time to go smaller I guess.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 16:04 | 3207231 IridiumRebel
IridiumRebel's picture

Wrong Commerce....KC area?

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 16:08 | 3207251 TerminalDebt
TerminalDebt's picture

Smaller, think backyard and hole

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 16:38 | 3207382 IridiumRebel
IridiumRebel's picture

Welcome to PVC Bank! 

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 18:50 | 3207750 KCMLO
KCMLO's picture

I'm in STL, but they're regional

PVC Bank sounds like a good option though.  Haha

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 15:47 | 3207161 madcows
madcows's picture

I wish someone would shove an air nozzle up Benny's ass and inflate him.  Fucking financial terrorist should be guantanamo.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 16:04 | 3207237 Obama4Ever
Obama4Ever's picture

Sorry, can't use guantanamo. I closed that as my first act in my first term, on the first day as I recall...

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 16:46 | 3207416 XitSam
XitSam's picture

I heard you were awarded a Nobel Peace Prize for all the peaceful things you were going to do, too. Nice bow by the way.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 16:51 | 3207432 Obama4Ever
Obama4Ever's picture

Oh yeah, that Nobel thing. Actually the whole thing was done on a bet. I bet another fellow (prefer not to name him) that I could get the Nobel Peace Prize without having to actually do anything at all to promote peace (precisely the opposite, in fact). I won the $5 quite easily.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 15:48 | 3207165 shovelhead
shovelhead's picture

"Would running in circles on the freeway, blindfolded during rush hour be dangerous?

Maybe, maybe not. But you gotta do something and that's something."

Pure genius.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 15:55 | 3207168 francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

I'm still on board with the Death Star... If we're all doomed, might as well go out in style by blowin' shit up...

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 15:49 | 3207169 IridiumRebel
IridiumRebel's picture

I like Sheila Bair's idea.....I'd buy some land in Central America and leave this fuckin joint. 

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 19:00 | 3207767 Al Huxley
Al Huxley's picture

And the great thing is, with 10 million in their pockets, EVERYBODY would be able to do exactly the same thing.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 15:51 | 3207183 magnumpk
magnumpk's picture

Yeah, or let's just call it what it is:  since we don't have the guts to meaningfully cut spending, let's take the truly gutless path and inflate our debt away, thereby screwing the average American citizen whose name isn't Kemper.  Add him to the list of people that confuses money with wealth.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 15:51 | 3207184 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

HEY I got it! Let's just print a big $30 trillion COIN!


Fri, 02/01/2013 - 15:54 | 3207195 HeatMiser
HeatMiser's picture

I'll take my 10 million in gold please.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 15:55 | 3207197 Fezter
Fezter's picture

From now on I want to be paid in shiney beads.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 15:57 | 3207199 JustPrintMoreDuh
JustPrintMoreDuh's picture

That alien invasion had better start soon

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 15:57 | 3207206 Shameful
Shameful's picture

To small.  With that line of reasoning why not simply print enough dollars to own every asset on Earth?  Imagine the returns to the Treasury when the Fed owns all bonds, stocks, and tangible property on earth?  Print our way to wealth, who knew that a simple printing press opens the door to infinite wealth?  Take it to next level, lets buy the universe and live off the dividends and coupon payments!

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 23:51 | 3208498 andrewp111
andrewp111's picture

Ben could buy up all the foreclosable real estate from all the TBTF banks and become the world's biggest landlord.  Local Gov't won't like it though, because as a Federal Agency, the Fed does not pay property tax.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 15:59 | 3207209 Temporalist
Temporalist's picture

In other TragiComedy news Sony is stepping into the year 2000:

Sony to make last MiniDisc stereo system in March

"It marks an end to the firm's support for the system which it launched in 1992."

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 16:00 | 3207221 besnook
besnook's picture

i think this points out the proximity to deciding the greenback is the only mathematical way out of this short of war.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 16:03 | 3207228 Obama4Ever
Obama4Ever's picture

Funny thing about that trillion dollar platinum coin idea. We rejected it in favor of "temporarily" abandoning the debt ceiling entirely. Doing it the second way means we don't even need to buy the ounce of platinum...

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 16:09 | 3207250 gwar5
gwar5's picture

It was always just a bluff to bypass the FED. But with a willing enabler like the FED why do the pols even need to bother with drama.


Fri, 02/01/2013 - 16:03 | 3207232 gwar5
gwar5's picture

Yeah... about $30 billion more per month is the figure I had in mind too.  And if that doesn't work we can waddle on back to Krugman for more details on construction of that interstellar anti-alien war machine we need to build to stimulate our way out of this.





Fri, 02/01/2013 - 16:13 | 3207266 TerminalDebt
TerminalDebt's picture

Thats Trillion with a T, not billion with a B. IT's the big boys club now.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 16:46 | 3207421 XitSam
XitSam's picture

It's only fiat. What difference does it make?

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 16:53 | 3207443 gwar5
gwar5's picture


Fri, 02/01/2013 - 16:59 | 3207444 gwar5
gwar5's picture

My bad.  That's even better, we can fight the whole Galaxy with that. 


At Davos a couple of years ago they had an 83 page plan to flood Western sovereigns with $100 Trillion to save the Ponzi. Looks like they mean it.


Fri, 02/01/2013 - 16:08 | 3207252 thismarketisrigged
thismarketisrigged's picture

fuck the fed, they have totally destroyed what was once a real market.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 16:09 | 3207253 mayhem_korner
mayhem_korner's picture



Does anyone else see the parallel with Kemper's insanity and the episode where The Cleaner (Newman) is brought in to dispose of the muffin stumps?

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 16:10 | 3207259 davidsmith
davidsmith's picture

But that's exactly what will happen.  I've said for a while that there's about $40 trillion more to steal--and that's exactly what he's advocating!  They HAVE to do it.  The middle class won't tolerate a collapse in the stock market, and the only way to keep it afloat is to loot about $40 trillion more by way of bond purchases.  Watch.  They'll do EXACTLY what he is saying.


By the way, this isn't the first person who has said that $85 billion per year is too little.  It's part of an orchestrated campaign to ease the public into accepting the Fed buying as much as it wants.  Next phase?  Convincing the public that the Fed shouldn't have to say what it is buying OR how much it is buying.  That would be "telegraphing" and amount to "undue influence on the market."  More fasconomics.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 23:48 | 3208488 andrewp111
andrewp111's picture

Ben is buying $85 billion per month, not per year.

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