Einhorn Will Not Take It Anymore: Demands AAPL Buy His Stock At Higher Prices

Tyler Durden's picture

Yesterday it was rumored buybacks and Bill Miller (long retired following disappointing recent performance) hopium; today David Einhorn moves to beg a "fantastic" Apple not to block paying out juicy new dividends on its preferred. Claiming that the company has a "Cash problem" and a "mentality of depression", his position is basically one of demanding that cash (that we so recently noted is actually not really there - with only 31% of it onshore - and invested) be put to work. Facing increasing losses on his profitable long position, the hedge fund manager is miffed that Apple's management has banned giving sharehodlers dividend-paying preferreds. Of course the stock is surging - even though this is actually an action by Apple that removes the possibility - echo yesterday's ramp and fade... and while we are thinking about Apple, why if the world is indeed doing so well is Apple so 'depression-esque' hording cash (as we have rhetorically asked many times in the past about all firms).

More importantly, let's not forget that AAPL's cash is not some inert substance, but as we explained previously, is a very actively managed portfolio controlled by Braeburn, of which 71% is held offshore:

Our exhaustive and complete analysis of what is really happening with AAPL's cash can be found here.

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LawsofPhysics's picture

Another fascist, demanding a fucking bailout.  Your risk, your loss motherfucker.  Here's a tip, before you screw the pooch, make sure it doesn't have aids.  Paging reggie...

fonzannoon's picture

Laws I had cnbc on mute but I presume the commentators echoed your sentiments, am I correct?

ihedgemyhedges's picture

They could even put him in Corzine's cell. Oh wait..........

BlueStreet's picture

Fuck you Einhorn.  Did somebody die and make you king? Last time I checked Ron Paul is still alive and kicking.  

otto skorzeny's picture

how bout Neel Kashkari as his cellmate-then they could be Neel and Bob(props to The DiceMan)

lynnybee's picture

"Bob Rubin should be in jail."      I AGREE!  & take his co-hort in crime, BILL CLINTON with him for a cell-mate! 

Whiteshadowmovement's picture

Betty Liu was just recounting the delightful story about the fun, fun, weekend she had palling around with Buffet's son, why she even met his German Shepherd, ah-ha-ha

Fredo Corleone's picture

Never you mind Betty Liu. You simply have the wrong Liu -- Lucy is a far more interesting conversationalist...


jcaz's picture

Fonz,  I heard it-  the CNBC plebes (that andrew ross sorkin douche in particular) were unable to grasp what he was saying, instead whining for his view on Herbalife....   Unbelievably for once, it was Cramer who cut the bullshit-  when they asked Cramer what he thought,  he replied "What the hell is this guy babbling about?'

The Wizard of Oz's picture





GetZeeGold's picture



Stop your "mentality of depression" or the beatings will continue.

Sudden Debt's picture

so... if apple gives dividends... it crashes to the ground....

if it stops paying dividends.... people want to buy it?!?!


Carl Spackler's picture

AAPL would be hoarding cash because their innovation revolution is ending, and they have nothing of real value in their R&D pipeline.

Oh wait, did someone just say I-Phone 72....Good luck with that.



DavidC's picture

They're not hording cash, they're hoarding it.


otto skorzeny's picture

I thought they're whoring for cash.

insanelysane's picture

Shouldn't Apple be using some of the money for safety nets?  When I say safety nets I mean actual nets on the outside of their Chinese contractors' buildings to prevent more workers from killing themselves.

Shizzmoney's picture

Between this, the Taco Bell over Chipotle call, and trying (and failing) to buy the Mets........maybe Einhorn should just stick to poker.

buzzsaw99's picture

I feel so bad for Einhorn. [/sarc.]

CheapBastard's picture

My dad used to praise Bll Miller to the sky....that is, until Bill lost 50% of his retirement money in one of those Legg Mason funds run by Miller. Now my dad doesn't talk about Miller much. In fact, he never re-enetered the casino market.

which way western man's picture

another "jew"...the world's misfortune but most particuarly, ours

thorgodofthunder's picture

I'm sorry I don't quite understand what you are trying to say there you ignorant frog.  Care to elaborate to myself and my gang of israeli buddies?

MedTechEntrepreneur's picture

To all you Jew haters: Do you realize when you say shit like that, you're just admiting you are not smart enough to A) Learn from the Jew or B) beat the Jew by out-smarting him?  It is basically like calling yourself stupid goyim.  Dumbass.

NoDebt's picture

Somebody just said the D-word.  They'll get smacked down hard for that.  Nobody is allowed to use that word.

Seasmoke's picture

Does every Jew lose other people's money ????

which way western man's picture

They specialize in "trading" worthless paper for it

thorgodofthunder's picture

What an ignorant statement.  You must be a massive bigot not to mention a massive fool. 

MedTechEntrepreneur's picture

Seasmoke: Here, let me rephrase that for you: I am not as smart as the Jew and make shitty trades...therefore I will hate him.

John Law Lives's picture

Wow.  I thought Apple existed to create innovative new products and/or services.  I didn't realize it existed to pacify whoremongers by using its cash to prop up the shares of its own stock.  What a concept...


Northeaster's picture

Forbes ripped on ZH prior APPL/Braeburn Capital piece:


I think readers of both pieces read disclosures and make up their own mind.

TruthInSunshine's picture

That's Worstall of Forbes for 'ya, dumb as a fucking rock as ever.

I dare anyone to read his tortured "refutation" of ZH's claims and come to any other conclusion than either:


a)  He was sloppy-ass drunk when he wrote it (probably at 6:20 in the morning).

b) The guy is legitimately and fully retarded.


Worstall's magnum opus of imbecility (after huffing & puffing about Apple's transparency of the wheres and whos of their cash holdings)-- AND I QUOTE:

"Clearly, no one’s really expecting anyone at all to tell us the precise nature of their holdings…"

orangegeek's picture

Einhorn is special.

ebworthen's picture

Einhorn and anybody else who owned Apple is a DOPE for not selling the day of Steve Jobs funeral.

I just watched for the second time a CNBC special about Jobs (actually a pretty good biography).  Everyone around him, that worked with him over the years, in essence say the he was Apple.  He was the driving force behind the products. 

Wozniak and even John Scully admit that without Jobs Apple would have never been Apple, survived the mid 90's, or made the comeback it did.

I'm not dissing Apple, just pointing out that the Captain of the Ship,  - who built the ship - the Copernicus of Cupertino - has passed on.

The stock became way overvalued, huge gobs of money all piling into it and sloshing about.  $700 per share?  C'mon people. 

Now, Apple has cash but needs that cash to try and find the next big thing without Jobs.  They aren't going to be throwing dividends at brats like Einhorn.

ToNYC's picture

Einhorn has a better chance of seeing God, or Steve Jobs again, than getting his Apple Long right. When cash goes to hide, just saying 'please' don't bring it back.

lynnybee's picture

how much have i lost the past 15 years in this economy ..... let me count the ways :   1. NASDAQ bubble.  2. HOUSING bubble.  3. JOB LOSS .    no one is bailing out little me !

devo's picture

If I see "Apple" coupled with "innovative" one more time I'm going to go Postal (aka take a nap Saturday afternoon).

Jumbotron's picture


This is what is wrong with American Crapital/Cronyism......your rapacious need for money as a shark needs a constant flow of water over its gills to live.


Look at how Microsoft paid out dividends and spent cash willy nilly on shit they buried or misused.  Look at Michael Dell buying back his decrepid company just save it and his dwindling reputation.....after having told Steve Jobs to close his company and give back the stock to the shareholders.....(I wonder if Einhorn was whispering in his ear to say that while giving Dell a reach around?)

That money is there you worthless, cocksucking Wall Street whore TO WEATHER FINANCIAL STORMS AND HAVE THE CASH ON HAND TO INNOVATE EVEN DURING A DEPRESSION.



ToNYC's picture

How do you really feel?

Einhorn can bleat like sheep and remember that he invested a battery-powered device where the secret is anti-evolutionary: planned brick-ness for maximum profit. Enjoy the fruit. You earned it!

nufio's picture

i am not a big apple fan but i love how the tech managements mostly refuse to bow to wall street.

writingsonthewall's picture

I have no sympathy - for decades Americans have looked up to these overpaid - arrogant little spoilt children in shirts.

For decades America has believed the 'you can make it here' lie - and faethered the nest of turd like Einhorn. Chasing a dream which you could never achieve - and which only served to strengthen the position of the mega rich.

Maybe instead of speculating and making yourselves believe that 'you can win the market' (America has the most private investors in equity markets per head than any other country) - you should have been voting (although to be fair Americans are quite good at voting - just not so good at ensuring a real choice at the ballot box)
The American voting system is like American cheese - bland and tedious, little variety and it's applied to literally everything.

Time to pay the piper for your apathy America. Why should Einhorn lose out - I mean when you give people so much power - they assume that it's because they're popular.

Maybe Americans should start to remove their traditional 'idols' and stop fawning over the mega rich and mega famous.

Tell MTV that you're no longer interested.

writingsonthewall's picture

The only good thing to come out of this debacle is that it's the hedge funds who will get burnt.


Apples should not grown on hedges - they come from trees.

One can always hope - I mean there is nothing better than watching a HF manager crying like a pathetic baby.

If you read Kyle Bass's letter yesterday - I wept with laughter as I read what looked to be the most pathetic excuse for being a cunt I have ever read.

...of course all the hedge funds require other cunts (investors) to suport their utter cuntism.

Bunga Bunga's picture

The best times are over. Let's slaughter the cow. Layoffs bitchez.

Augustus's picture

This guy is caught long with too large a position and cannot sell without driving it down some more.  He is looking for a different exit from the Roach Motel.  It isn't AAPL with the problem, they have the cash.  It is Einhorn that is in the "explain yourself" for the losses mode and wants to try to shift the balme.  It will be a case of "If the company had only done what some money runners suggested, we would not have our portfolios tanking."  This Crap Weasel is getting another lesson and is crying.