Friday Farce: 16 Year Old Outperforms 99% Of Hedge Funds: "Oh My Gosh, That's So Easy, I Have To Do This"

Tyler Durden's picture

Forget Ackman, Einhorn, Bass, And Hendry. There is only one name in the world of equity market performance in 2012 - Rachel Fox, of 'Desperate Housewives' fame. With a 30%-plus performance, the day-trading debutante has turned from actress to activist as she day-trades her way through the day. The 16-year-old actress who made 338 trades last year, based mostly on technicals, ""...fell in love with the idea and the concept of being able to just buy something, have it go up, or have it go down, depending on which way you bet it and have it make you money. I thought, oh, my, gosh, that's amazing, and so easy, I have to do this." If ever there was a sign of the extreme bubble that central planning has re-created for us - it has to be this. Her advice: "you have to really just trade on your own instincts and not just be like, oh, this person says this is great, let me just go for it." LOL, OMG, IKR ;-( Our advice: next time readers are discussing stock tips with a random employee of Hustler Club, Scores or Spearmint Rhino - don't just stare, listen! Said 'random employee' is almost certainly outpeforming the "smart money", and the broader market, by a wide margin. Thank you Ben.


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devo's picture

If she likes things that go up and down here I am.

nope-1004's picture

CNBC labeled her an "actor".  Is it a shemale?  Usually they are called "actresses".


fuu's picture

Nice to finally put a face to the Squeeky Fromm moniker.

Pladizow's picture

Even a broken clock is right twice a day!

goldfish1's picture

"depending on which way you bet"

Ain't that the truth.

TruthInSunshine's picture

She'll "re-invest" away every BernankBuck of paper "profit" she makes and dig deeper into her reserve fund before "the markets" are done with her.

Just like the Mrs. Watanabes. Poor Mrs. Watanabes, remember them? Send them rice, soup and socks. Taro Aso bankrupted their asses with one cold handed bitchslap from high above  (Department of Whoops: Yen Weakens 'More Than Intended'). That's "the market" for ya': 


'Mrs. Watanabes' Blamed for Yen Surge -

Apr 24, 2011Bank of Japan Gov. Masaaki Shirakawa said it was moves by small Japanese investors—the Mrs. Watanabes—that propelled the yen to an all time high...

James_Cole's picture

Stock trading has always been a game largely of chance, countless studies have shown this. Your investment advisor wins either way on commission but the actual "skill" involved is negligible.

As the guy from Blackrock said, 'markets like totalitarianism.' Why? Because these guys need predictable markets to ensure predictable returns, just like Rachel Fox.

A funny article about this

Againstthelie's picture

Funny, that everyone is believing her story...

ZeroAvatar's picture


trav777's picture

I'd definitely hit it and 16 is legal in a lot of states

jimmytorpedo's picture

aw c'mon Trav, wouldn't you rather fuck Ina Drew?

you could spank her and say

"who's your daddy BITCH!"



fourchan's picture

no doubt, unless she is an algo.

Say What Again's picture

Well, a robot could deliver a more convincing performance on TV.

I know nothing about any of her other performances (e.g. spearmint rhino, etc)

JPM Hater001's picture

Does she shine shoes too?

Long past time to get out when she generates the credibility to be quoted.

NoDebt's picture

She learned how to do it from Lenny Dykstra.  Sure they're both dumb as a bag of hammers, but she's at least easy on the eyes.  I'll go long in my portfolio with her any day.


BTFDemocracy's picture

Maybe she reads ZeroHedge...?

bania's picture

and she'll still be making money even when she's losing her shirt!

Nihilarian's picture

Future Fast Money co-anchor.

Matt's picture

Not anymore. To be politically correct, they are now called actors, but they have their own seperate catagory when it comes to awards.

Cunnial's picture

Really don't want to sound like that cunt that writes verbose responses and corrects everybody on this site. And certinaly don't wish to rush to CNBC defense, but 'Actor' is in fact correct, in the same way you wouldn't refer to a female author as an authoress... Either way I wouldn't put this bird in either category of the definition. 

matrix2012's picture

if you said so, then what's the word "actress" for?

Best actor, best actress or just best actors?

hmmtellmemore's picture

They are both correct.  Depends how anal you want to be.

ACP's picture

Whatever she is, Dirty Uncle Ben's liquidity injection seemed to make her really happy.

Svendblaaskaeg's picture

"Is it a shemale?"

it made 338 trans actions last year, nudge nudge

neutrinoman's picture

Uh, no. Gentlemen, we're out of our league -- just tip-toe away slowly and quietly:

Another Disney hatchling ....

SokPOTUS's picture

Not anymore, dude.  "Actress" is just as sexist as "Stewardess".  They're all "Actors" now.  Try to keep up on the PC...

Remington IV's picture

CNBC .... their version of calling a  market top by interviewing lowlife amateurs like Fox

hmmtellmemore's picture

Not so fast... only when half the high school kids in country have stock trading apps on their iPhone would I call it.  

Wait until you see "Stock Traders in the 21st Century" and a picture of a local high school on the cover of Time.

Half_A_Billion_Hollow_Points's picture

So we have our own shoeshine boy moment.  When is the "stocks have reached a permanently high plateu" moment?

machineh's picture

Now. Eighteen months after the "gold has reached a permanently high plateau" moment.

SafelyGraze's picture

trust me. it's going to ten.

seek's picture

And if you live in France:

(US readers, please bookmark and wait two years before clicking.)

Stackers's picture

E-trade baby eat your heart out.

nope-1004's picture

A close friend of mine "day traded" during the tech bubble run up.  In 2002, he was forced out of his house, lost his vehicles, and moved his wife and kids back in to live with grandma and grandpa.

Gambling is gambling.  It always starts out "like so cool", but ends in reality.


derek_vineyard's picture

she talks more sense than most money managers.  the game is not that hard to understand.  keep it simple and stay on ben's side of the trade.  why would anyone ever pay for money management?   she proves a 16 year can learn whats going on in a short time period.  

redpill's picture

You could say the same thing about the craps table in vegas, and there you get better odds.

BKbroiler's picture

I drank that free beer and paid a heavy price...

Tursas's picture

We understand why Ben likes her...

Spastica Rex's picture

We all seem to like the far right side of a normal distribution curve.

hmmtellmemore's picture

Nothing wrong with a couple perky bubbles in the stock market.

JuliaS's picture

She's smarter than most money managers. Why? She actually said a thing about "shorting" and "selling" stocks. The only 2 words that seem to exist in everyone else's lexicon are "buy" and "hold".

She makes mistakes and learns from them. Props to her.

a growing concern's picture

I thought it was easy when I first started trading. I made a 600% return on my money in about a month playing with options. Ones month after that, I was back where I started, also from playing with options. I hung it up after that. Nobody needs that kind of stress.

SilverRhino's picture

My one and only foray into trading was early 2009. Dropped $3000 into an account and checked it multiple times a day for a month. After 30 days got out and realized there were better ways to make $100.

TruthInSunshine's picture

There was a guy worth over 400 million dollars near where I live (he made his money manufacturing aviation parts and he was a great uncle of a friend of mine) who put into his will & trust documents that any of his 5 kids would be cut off and disinherited if they ever invested in or traded stocks, commodities or options.

He was very open about this and had maintained that he never personally saw a single one of his peers/friends/business partners (many of whom liked to "trade") make any money, let alone not lose money, doing so over the long run, and was 100% convinced "the markets" were a giant scam propped up by the financial sector that he believed owned Congress & the President.

In other words, he was a very wise man.

Strange-Currencies's picture

I am up ~ 400% in 2 days with my most recent options trade on an index