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Friday Humor: "When It Needs To Get There On Saturday"

Tyler Durden's picture


Remember the popular myth that there are some things that the private sector can never, ever possibly replicate the public sector in because, you know, "they didn't build that" and they couldn't possibly build that, even after accumulating some $16,487,564,297,892.03 in debt - no, only the government can be that efficient? We do. And apparently so does FedEx, which does so with just the faintest of a smirk...

h/t Ray


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Fri, 02/08/2013 - 19:07 | 3227480 FEDbuster
FEDbuster's picture

USPS will still deliver packages on Saturday (for now), but no more first class or junk mail.

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 19:10 | 3227484 Freewheelin Franklin
Freewheelin Franklin's picture

Thank God I will still be able to get my Silk Road purchases on Saturday!

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 19:13 | 3227489 trav777
trav777's picture

I see a white and black person interacting in that Fedex pic, therefore the former must be oppressing the latter.  I find this picture offensive

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 19:30 | 3227538 Piranhanoia
Piranhanoia's picture

Many of us consider the interaction with you offensive, but there is a first amendment, for now.

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 19:57 | 3227614 Say What Again
Say What Again's picture

Does this mean that no one can go "Postal" on Saturdays anymore?

Just think how much money the local police will save as they trim down their work force.

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 20:51 | 3227755 knukles
knukles's picture

Some things the private sector can/would never be able to duplicate as per the public sector.

TRVTH! (supposed to be olde greco-roman looking text)

Because the private entity would have gone out of business

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 21:39 | 3227882 erg
erg's picture

Einstein Express. When it absolutely, positively, has to be there the day before yesterday.

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 22:28 | 3227989 MrX
MrX's picture

If the USPS comes back with an ad promising no questions asked delivery of Marijuana in Washington and Colorado(for an additional fee) would save the entire USPS shootin match in 3 years.

see here:

Sat, 02/09/2013 - 10:49 | 3228580 GMadScientist
GMadScientist's picture

Legion of Green Men - Letters Never Sent

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 21:03 | 3227790 mendolover
mendolover's picture

Nice!  My 00 buckshot is here!

Sat, 02/09/2013 - 00:08 | 3228180 ImReady
ImReady's picture

Great, I suppose my primers won't be showing up anytime soon. Damn USPS! 

Sat, 02/09/2013 - 03:29 | 3228312 Pool Shark
Pool Shark's picture



At least you probably know which end of the tube the shot comes out of; this guy, not so much:


Sat, 02/09/2013 - 09:15 | 3228474 xtop23
xtop23's picture

Usually those kind of pics just annoy me when I'm reading ZH, but that one....damn. There is a God.

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 20:35 | 3227717 trav777
trav777's picture


It is my aim to offend the fuck out of almost every one of you.  I am going to keep repeating myself until you people yield and get it.

A few already have.  It takes awhile sometimes.

it's really NOT y'all's fault.  People like you 100 years ago would have not only accepted what I am saying but would have UNDERSTOOD it implicitly from simple experience.  Ordinary people got this simple stuff back then.  Even mulattoes who went into the south came back going my god these ppl are dim and coarse. 

But the conditioning you've undergone since birth has really mindfucked the hell out of you so you can't even point out simple right and wrong.  You can't even see what's obvious because you're afraid to admit it.  It terrifies you, this label.  So I'm here to help.

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 20:42 | 3227738 tmosley
tmosley's picture

Actually, it just sounds like whining.

Every single thing you say is whining about how the black man is oppressing you, and how they are the cause of all problems, despite, you know, the facts about who is actually in power, and what is causing our problems, ie Keynesians and their terrible policies.

But apparently black people cause that as well, somehow.  Or maybe Arabs.  Or possibly tanning salon patrons.

Yes, please help us all by spamming each thread with your ineffectual wailing.

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 20:54 | 3227770 LasVegasDave
LasVegasDave's picture

fuck you mosely, you dimwitted cunt;

Trav blames the blacks, you blame the jews

keep saving your pennies, maybe youll be able to afford that apt. in panama one day

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 21:55 | 3227901 tickhound
tickhound's picture

So a zh picasso was being restored and you come in with a wet blanket?  Don't you have some OWS Americans to drone?  Or a social security recipient to mock?  Or anyone else who SCARES you?

Any other night, maybe.  But its Friday night.  Don't muck it up for everybody.

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 22:18 | 3227967 BigDuke6
BigDuke6's picture

Right Daveyboy.

i'm all for a good punch up here

but mosely and his bumchum akak really shit me off when they WHINE about getting people banned from ZH.

i had a 6 month holiday from ZH when they became the self appointed thought police of ZH where akak and mosley here would follow the posts of certain users like a fly on shit.

lets not go back to that

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 22:22 | 3227977 tickhound
tickhound's picture

No self-respecting anti-statist would ever admit to such a thing. 

Sat, 02/09/2013 - 10:51 | 3228584 GMadScientist
GMadScientist's picture

They love clubs, just not freely-elected ones.


Sat, 02/09/2013 - 00:27 | 3227938 Dangertime
Dangertime's picture



Because when a black complains about inequality, he is fighting against oppression.

But when a white complains about inequality, he is just whining.


Trav is right, mosley you are so conditioned that you are too fvking stupid to realize that it is policy to be racist against whites.


That's why we get statements from actors like Jaime Foxx saying blacks are the most talented people in the world, but not a peep by the media.  Imagine if a white had said that whites were the smartest?  It would be an outrage and all over every liberal newspiece out there.



Mosley, you are a fvking moron......but then, I remember you were so stupid you kept buying tons of silver at $50.

Sat, 02/09/2013 - 06:26 | 3228377 The Alarmist
The Alarmist's picture

They must be hiding something ... the last demographic report for the Federal workforce cuts off at 2006 ....

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 21:59 | 3227926 Yes_Questions
Yes_Questions's picture



Thanks for bringing us up to speed on1913.


Fri, 02/08/2013 - 22:18 | 3227968 Totentänzerlied
Totentänzerlied's picture

They also would have told you genetics is a myth, no one knows if bacteria are real, tobacco products are good for you, phrenology is a legitimate science, and the earth is a few thousand years old. Gee those old folks were just so smart and correct.

Sat, 02/09/2013 - 06:27 | 3228379 The Alarmist
The Alarmist's picture

Tobacco is good for you.  It kills you, so it must be an antibiotic.

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 19:31 | 3227543 willwork4food
willwork4food's picture

As long as the white guy is on top, it's all cool.


Sat, 02/09/2013 - 07:43 | 3228404 TWSceptic
TWSceptic's picture

At least she's smiling, the black person delivering our mail never does. They should at least fake that they like their job like on the ad.

Sat, 02/09/2013 - 09:52 | 3228504 GMadScientist
GMadScientist's picture

"I see a white and black person interacting in that Fedex pic, therefore the former must be oppressing the latter. "

I'm sure there's great honor in fulfilling the market demand of this lonely housewife with the dildos she's ordered.

Sat, 02/09/2013 - 11:48 | 3228642 PeterLemonJello
PeterLemonJello's picture

I actually look forward to Trav's comments.

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 22:28 | 3227987 MrX
MrX's picture

they just keep printing stamps like the FED

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 19:23 | 3227516 FL_Conservative
FL_Conservative's picture

Shouldn't this be considered Saturday humor?

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 19:36 | 3227555 EvlTheCat
EvlTheCat's picture

No, you won't get the humour on Saturday.  So you have to tell it today.

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 21:18 | 3227820 knukles
knukles's picture

I still don't get it.
Do I have to wait till next week?

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 21:43 | 3227891 EvlTheCat
EvlTheCat's picture

DOH!!  I just checked with the shipping department.  I mixed up your humour order in the mail room knukles..  Sorry, I mistakenly sent it using DHL.

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 20:14 | 3227662 nmewn
nmewn's picture

Here's some Friday Humor..."a PHD in 17th century Belgian lesbian studies"...ROTFL!

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 20:25 | 3227685 Deo vindice
Deo vindice's picture

That. Was. Funny.

Except God didn't make Liberals. That came about after the Fall of Man.

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 20:35 | 3227720 nmewn
nmewn's picture

I always substitute the word "progressive" for liberal...but we all know the type we're talkin about

Here's another good, I ain't lyin...

Can the grand opening of StarButts be too far behind?...I counted three puns there ;-)


Fri, 02/08/2013 - 20:47 | 3227752 Hulk
Hulk's picture

LOL!!! StarButts, you're killing me nmewn...

BTW, to get drunk really fast, I go live both ends via vodka stingers with a whiskey back!!!

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 20:51 | 3227765 nmewn
nmewn's picture

lol...make mine a double mocha ass-presso ;-)

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 21:33 | 3227861 Monedas
Monedas's picture

Bottoms up !

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 22:18 | 3227969 Hulk
Hulk's picture

and bottles down !!!

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 01:37 | 3232337 TerraHertz
TerraHertz's picture

I wanted to stop reading, but it was tail latte.

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 21:00 | 3227783 mendolover
mendolover's picture

Hillary looks ill and Pelosi looks like a douchbag as usual.

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 21:09 | 3227803 nmewn
nmewn's picture

"What does it matter?"

This tragic comedy practically writes itself.

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 19:50 | 3227590 bobthehorse
bobthehorse's picture

I miss the post office.

I'm getting old.

America used to be a lot of fun.

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 19:51 | 3227592 Son of Loki
Son of Loki's picture

Good for that. I am really looking forward to my package from Japan.

Sat, 02/09/2013 - 00:19 | 3228190 ImReady
ImReady's picture

Dibs on sloppy seconds! 

Sat, 02/09/2013 - 09:53 | 3228508 GMadScientist
GMadScientist's picture

Easy to find in the dark.

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 21:40 | 3227884 Bangin7GramRocks
Bangin7GramRocks's picture

FedEx charges a $10 premium on top of the already outrageous $30 for a priority letter. Vs. 45 cents with us postal. Fuck you! FedEx is shitty too. It's like comparing a pencil and an IPad and saying you can write with both of them. Why is one $500 and the other .30.

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 22:23 | 3227981 Totentänzerlied
Totentänzerlied's picture

"Vs. 45 cents with us postal."

hmm maybe there's a reason they're bankrupt again...

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 23:28 | 3228118 Son of Loki
Son of Loki's picture

I don't mind the increased rates if they would give some sort of delivery confirmation or tracking for overseas mail/packages. I'd even pay extra for that. Too may packages I send to my relatives overseas (yes, even the UK!) are "misplaced" or "Lost" which means stolen imo.

I won't even get into sanding stuff to Italy, etc or most places in South America (like Brazil). That's a lost cause.

Sat, 02/09/2013 - 10:12 | 3228539 Dark Space
Dark Space's picture

I know the answer to the question you ended with a period! Pick me! It's because one company is profitable and charging market rates and the other company/agency is bankrupt and charging non-market-based rates. FedEx does other crazy market-based calculations like charging a different price for a package going from San Francisco to New York, then say, New York to New York, and provides various scales of delivery times with shorter times costing more (on both the retail side and on the side of FedEx), so customers can choose how much they want to spend! In many cases this actually makes FedEx substantially cheaper than the USPS. It is not even a good argument to compare the two - the USPS is primarily failing to execute the model where they deliver small envelopes, and they are not competitive in either price or service quality with many large package delivery services - it's almost apples and oranges.


I use FedEx a lot (and USPS and UPS for that matter), and I've never been charged $40 for a priority letter. Even sending a standard FedEx 12" X 9" flat envelope with paper in it up to a 1lb, costs about $10-$13 for standard ground delivery (about two days, and comparable with the post office regular service for a few sheets of paper trifolded into their standard envelope size). If you compare faster shipping, and same size envelopes, with a target of shipping it this morning (Saturday) and it arriving Monday, and keep it on the eastern seaboard (as an example - costs go up if you're shipping to Alaska from New York to as much as $36, but that doesn't represent your typical package) then it costs $19.95 at the post office and $17.60 at FedEx.


Then, on top of this failure to compete in the marketplace with consumers, the USPS has a fleet of employees that are overpaid and a bulging middle management that even the letter carriers are up in arms over. Even your flex part-time employee is getting a base of $28 an hour (see the website for their Union's negotiated base rates) to take a pre-sorted group of letters out of a container and place them in the mailbox with a matching street number and name. I can hire someone with an associates degree who understands relatively complex accounting procedures for half that, full-time, and these people are doing tasks my 10 year old could complete (except she can't drive the mail cart legally). The average pay for a unionized postal worker exceeds $70k, and comes with a pension that starts at year 20. So, you can theoretically retire at age 40 (if you started at age 20) and start a new career while earning a retirement pension - that's insane. I realize the pension is not much if you retire at 40, but in the private sector we're generally not allowed to quit working at 40 and receive money for it.

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 22:26 | 3227983 MrX
MrX's picture


Fri, 02/08/2013 - 22:35 | 3228007 Buck Johnson
Buck Johnson's picture

Soon the USPS will be a thing of the past.

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 23:29 | 3228124 logically possible
logically possible's picture

USPS will be around as long as the US government, that may not be very long.

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 19:13 | 3227485 Rainman
Rainman's picture

Get ready cause it's comin. USPS Mon-Wed-Fri delivery only ! it or lump it

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 19:23 | 3227508 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

There will be new life for the USPS and employees when they deputize mail carriers as DHS agents.

Think of all the intelligence they already have on the people on their routes.

Getting packages from APMEX, Adam & Eve, or NRA mailings?

GPS units and HD video cameras on every mail van.

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 19:25 | 3227525 krispkritter
krispkritter's picture

It's only about 300 yards to the post box from my driveway. .54R will make that with iron sights easy...

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 19:27 | 3227529 FL_Conservative
FL_Conservative's picture

AND collection agents for the IRS.

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 20:18 | 3227673 NoDebt
NoDebt's picture

And they could also install the sensors to read your new "smart" power meter in their delivery trucks at the same time.

Imagine the Monty Python skit:

Help!  Help!  I'm being oppressed!

By whom sir?

By the post office! 

<Thunderous Laughter>

And now for something completely different....

Sat, 02/09/2013 - 09:35 | 3228492 flapdoodle
flapdoodle's picture

Shame! You are conflating Monty Python and Laugh-In.

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 19:37 | 3227558 CuriousPasserby
CuriousPasserby's picture

APMEX, Adam & Eve, and NRA. Jeez nailed me.  All three this week. :-(

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 20:33 | 3227711 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

"Takes one to know one" as the saying goes... ;-)

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 20:49 | 3227759 Michelle
Michelle's picture

Geez, why wait for mail order when we can go to the local Adam and Eve store? The moment may pass by the time it arrives by mail.....

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 22:12 | 3227962 EvlTheCat
EvlTheCat's picture

By the time the Bureaucracy gets done, protecting us from ourselves, that plastic love toy will have a 3 day waiting period on it and they will have to run an FBI background check on you.  Trust me with the thought of Big Sis watching, the moment will have passed..

Sat, 02/09/2013 - 02:12 | 3228283 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

Eek the Cat has a point; Any moment like that you have to plan for to make it really worthwhile. 

Wink, wink.

Sat, 02/09/2013 - 09:56 | 3228509 GMadScientist
GMadScientist's picture

Needing to go to a store belies an almost criminal lack of imagination.


Fri, 02/08/2013 - 19:22 | 3227513 Cursive
Cursive's picture


Exactly.  My local shitty Gannett-owned newspaper (I'm not a sucker subscriber) dropped the Monday edition and there are 2 sections for every day except Sunday when they distribute the coupons.  Hell, the Times-Picayune dropped Monday too (but they had a special Super Bowl edition this past Monday.  Yay for that!).  Anyway, this is just another sign of our economic Depression.  Suppliers don't change the price, but they give you a lot less of the product.  More filler, less killer.  Thanks, BernanQE.

Sat, 02/09/2013 - 12:04 | 3228653 WillyGroper
WillyGroper's picture

Do you suppose people don't want it because of all the bullshit lies of MSM? The one & only local paper here is so biased it's pathetic. 

Get to work Chairman!

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 19:12 | 3227487 valley chick
valley chick's picture

is the delivery of parcels to PO Boxes only for the USPS?  This does not make any sense in saving money...they would be paying the carriers to come in and still run the route.  I could see if the clerks were sorting the parcels for the PO Boxes with no carrier delivery to the home.  They use to ..dont know if they still do...have a hub to handle the express mail on holidays that would carry express mail for various post offices and make the home delivery.

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 19:13 | 3227490 Vincent Vega
Vincent Vega's picture

Reading about the plight of the USPS reminds me off the courtroom scene from Miralce on 34th St. Mr.Gailey saves Kris Kringle by introducing evidence of a highly efficient, well maintained, profitable enterprise. Today Edmund Gwenn would be screwed.

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 19:15 | 3227496 Cursive
Cursive's picture

I remember the PBS "ads" (or is it self-sponsorship in Newspeak):

If PBS didn't do it, who would?


Um, like, a lot of people.  Hell, the penguin filmers rode Morgan Freeman to an Oscar.

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 20:28 | 3227693 RopeADope
RopeADope's picture

If PBS didn't get Breuer to step down, who would? Of course in the new era of lie about everything Breuer was lying about stepping down apparently.

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 19:18 | 3227506 Common_Cents22
Common_Cents22's picture

Isn't the USPS the only agency and even public company required by law to FULLY PREFUND all future worker benefits 100%???    What if this law was imposed on all public companies and govt agencies?

They are just the canary in the coal mine of REALITY.

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 19:46 | 3227581 ersatzteil
ersatzteil's picture

DoD's been doing it for decades. It's how we maintain an "all volunteer army".

But hell, in this job market I bet they could skim a lot off of benefits and still have lines outside recruitment offices.

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 20:06 | 3227641 Bobbyrib
Bobbyrib's picture

The USPS is self funded, the DoD (or Department of Offense) is a leech off of the productive citizens of this country.

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 21:08 | 3227800 Midas
Midas's picture

If anyone wants to get informed, here is a link to the first quarter financials for the USPS which came out today.

Summary:  A 1.3 billion dollar loss.  If you subtract the 1.4 billion dollar pre-payment for the future retiree HEALTH benefit (not pension) they made some small change.

Factor in the 2.3% postage increase and the 26,000 workers that retired last week and maybe they can break even, which is what congress has told them to do.

Sat, 02/09/2013 - 12:32 | 3228689 ultraticum
ultraticum's picture

So the fix looks simple.  Cancel their bloated pensions like has happened throughout private industry.  And I'm not being sarcastic.

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 20:17 | 3227668 A Nanny Moose
A Nanny Moose's picture

Isn't the USPS the only agency and even public company required by law to FULLY PREFUND its future bailout???

There, fixed it for you. The pirates in CONgress love big idle piles of OPM.

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 19:20 | 3227509 a growing concern
a growing concern's picture

How about: when it needs to get there not stolen by some government asshole who just decided to take home a guitar I mailed?

Sat, 02/09/2013 - 17:16 | 3229262 Bohm Squad
Bohm Squad's picture

yup...happened to me, too...gotta love the postal inspectors and their guarantee of "we may or may not look into this..."

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 19:21 | 3227510 Crtrvlt
Crtrvlt's picture

Fed ex and ups got a back door bailout when the 2006 congress passed the paea law forcing USPS to prefund 75 yrs of health benefits.

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 19:42 | 3227574 sunnyside
sunnyside's picture

If you subtract that 5 billion, didn't they still lose over 10 billion last year?

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 20:50 | 3227763 nmewn
nmewn's picture

Good Lord! thing they'll want them to contribute some small meaningless percentile to their own retirement too!

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 19:21 | 3227512 FoeHammer
FoeHammer's picture

From The Onion 'WASHINGTON—Responding to widespread dissatisfaction regarding the U.S. Postal Service’s newly announced plans to discontinue Saturday mail delivery service, Postmaster General Patrick R. Donahue told reporters this afternoon that the nation had better hold onto their dicks, because they’re going to absolutely lose their shit when they find out what the government agency has in store for Wednesdays. “You think limited weekend delivery is bad—you assholes don’t even know what’s coming,” said Donahue, adding that Americans will literally shit their pants when the USPS reveals its upcoming fucking insane changes to midweek delivery schedules.'

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 19:25 | 3227522 hankwil74
hankwil74's picture

The USPS is broke in the same way that Enron was a profitable company.  It's all accounting bullshit.  Because George W. Bush was/is a complete moron, he bowed to UPS/FedEx lobbyists and passed a law that mandated that the USPS must pre-pay the health care benefits of not only their current employees, but of any employee that is going to retire in the NEXT 75 YEARS!

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 20:45 | 3227749 nmewn
nmewn's picture

Bush's Fault!!!

Man its just like old times ;-)

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 21:58 | 3227922 earleflorida
earleflorida's picture

a turd sandwich in the hand, is worth two cheney's in the bush...

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 22:02 | 3227936 nmewn
nmewn's picture

O'Barry at the skeet range...PULL!!!


Owww, I'm done ;-)

Sat, 02/09/2013 - 01:09 | 3228235 gallistic
gallistic's picture

Dick Cheney was banned from the skeet at Camp David.

They buried the unfortunate intern on the camp grounds, sans face...

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 21:26 | 3227842 fxrxexexdxoxmx
fxrxexexdxoxmx's picture

Another poorly managed semi-government entity that Bush is somehow the only President in the USPS life span that is responsible for all of its problems.  Never mind the 35 years that "Dems" contolled the spending purse.  Is that you Barracky?

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 21:47 | 3227896 Bangin7GramRocks
Bangin7GramRocks's picture

They will send a letter 3,000 miles in a few days for 45 cents. How can you compare. Is it a government program; of course it is. But if stamps were properly priced at 3 or 4 dollars it would really hurt the elderly and poor. I'm well aware that few people on here give two shits about the elderly and the poor but that is the truth.

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 22:11 | 3227961 hankwil74
hankwil74's picture

What you don't get, because you are a moron, is that the Postal Service really doesn't have problems.  Their only problem is that they have to fully fund the health care plans for PEOPLE THEY HAVEN'T HIRED YET.  Their losses come from a law passed by GWB that forces them to PRE-PAY the health care costs for any employee they might have over the next 75 years.  Do some research before you put your hands to a keyboard and come off as an uneducated lemming.

Sat, 02/09/2013 - 00:01 | 3228167 CuriousPasserby
CuriousPasserby's picture

Dickley, presidents don't pass laws, the House and the Senate pass laws.

Sat, 02/09/2013 - 10:01 | 3228520 GMadScientist
GMadScientist's picture

Uh, no, they pass's not a law until the President signs it.

"Oh yes I hope and pray that I will, but today, I am still just a Bill"

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 19:25 | 3227523 misnomer
misnomer's picture

Geez, we haven't had Saturday delivery in Canada for 40+ years, I don't see what the big deal is.

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 19:40 | 3227559 Buckaroo Banzai
Buckaroo Banzai's picture

Yeah, another reason Canada sucks a giant bag of dicks. Thoughtcrime/"hate speech" laws, shitty gun laws, it's actually against the law to order a burger medium rare, and they fucking measure your shots so you are forced to order doubles all the time at $12 a throw. And that fucking Canadian "double" is still shorter than a solid American single pour.

Canada stinks.

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 20:09 | 3227651 ersatzteil
ersatzteil's picture

Clearly the above is a compelling argument to defend such a grand nation as Canada by investing in the C$16 billion (edit: C$30 billion)stealthy (edit: kind of stealthy) all weather (edit: sunshine-only) CF-35.

Sat, 02/09/2013 - 02:07 | 3228278 misnomer
misnomer's picture

Yeah, right.  I hear we live in igloo's too...

I thought this was Friday Humour...sorry carry on the hate

Sat, 02/09/2013 - 09:23 | 3228486 TheGardener
TheGardener's picture

Privately, I would have opted out of the mail delivery
system long ago as I only receive junk mail and threatening
letters from government agencies. Birthday greetings
from grandma no more, I don`t really need snail mail ever since.

In a business operation checking mail on Monday means
you don`t wait for the mailman ,it`s all
sitting there from Saturday and hardly anything actually
gets your way on Mondays because nothing got processed
on Sunday. So it is "easy Monday" for the mailman on full pay.

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 19:43 | 3227528 EscapingProgress
EscapingProgress's picture

Lysander Spooner would be proud.

A short story of Spooner's American Letter Mail Company:

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 19:28 | 3227533 syntaxterror
syntaxterror's picture

When's the IPO?

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 20:09 | 3227653 Bobbyrib
Bobbyrib's picture

I'm glad I'm not the only one to see that when private equity hits its peak with a company they announce an IPO so the suckers can buy it on the NYSE and private equity can cash out.

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 19:31 | 3227542 LeisureSmith
LeisureSmith's picture

She's happy because she got her bag of dicks on time for the party.

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 19:40 | 3227568 lolmao500
lolmao500's picture

While the MA governor goes nuts and BAN DRIVING all around the state because of the snowstorm... don't comply? 500$ fine + up to one year in jail!

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 19:59 | 3227617 A Lunatic
A Lunatic's picture

Makes me wish I lived there; cruising around at about 45 with a back seat full of guns and headed out to the range to build a snowburgler to practice my shooting on.

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 20:49 | 3227761 mendolover
mendolover's picture

Probably not in MA.  ) :

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 20:07 | 3227648 hankwil74
hankwil74's picture

Yeah, fuck those first responders who have to go out on icy roads in the middle of the night to rescue all the idiots who go out driving in the middle of the night during a fucking blizzard!  

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 20:40 | 3227730 A Nanny Moose
A Nanny Moose's picture

Then don't respond. Make people pay for the first responder service when they use it. Risk assessments will change quickly.

Sat, 02/09/2013 - 10:04 | 3228528 GMadScientist
GMadScientist's picture

Just leave the corpses in their cars until spring, huh?


Fri, 02/08/2013 - 20:43 | 3227742 nmewn
nmewn's picture

So when a first responder gets stuck in the snow do they call a second responder?

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 21:31 | 3227853 Monedas
Monedas's picture

.... or a transponder !

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 22:10 | 3227956 nmewn
nmewn's picture

Yeah, I always had to watch out for those 2:00AM calls, ya just have to turn em down, no matter how much they plead & beg grabbig onto your pant leg.

Ohhh, you said transponder ;-)

Sat, 02/09/2013 - 10:05 | 3228530 GMadScientist
GMadScientist's picture

Damn...I knew you turned yourself out, but the crying game?!

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 21:18 | 3227821 Arkadaba
Arkadaba's picture

A friend posted this today and because of stuff like this I still love Canada Buckeroo Banzaii - in spite of measured shots (they suck!) and hate speech laws (I am with you on that one), gun laws (they are working for us and supported by most). During snow storm:

Bus driver asks everyone on the bus to go to the back as he is trying to make traction on a snowy, slippery worked and the whole bus wooted and cheered. As he passed another bus he commented that it must be filled with children. Ingenious solution. Best McGyver today! 

Question I have is could that have occured in any large American city - I think not.


Fri, 02/08/2013 - 22:50 | 3228042 EvlTheCat
EvlTheCat's picture

Tell them there is a missing $50 grocery store gift card in the back of the bus, taped to an iPhone, and the front end of the bus would lift off the ground.  If they get mad and storm the driver, after finding out it was a hoax, just tell them there is a hidden camera on board streaming live to TV's Bloopers and Practical Jokes and they all have a chance at winning a new iPad.  Just watch next weeks show to see who has won!!  See you just need to know the proper motivation for your passengers.  I know it may seem a bit more elaborate here in the U.S. but that is just cuz we is mo smarter.

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 22:51 | 3228044 Midas
Midas's picture

Axin' people to go to the back of the bus is a hate crime in the US.

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 19:57 | 3227613 Umh
Umh's picture

Short lawn services. Everybodies yard just got a reprieve. We'll see if this actually helps .

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 20:12 | 3227659 Bobbyrib
Bobbyrib's picture

I hope that another competitor comes into play other than USPS, UPS and Fed Ex. I ordered and the companies I bought from used Fed Ex and UPS. I was not impressed with their service at al (delays)l. Someone needs to start smaller regional companies to compete with these behemoths.

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 20:32 | 3227708 RopeADope
RopeADope's picture

But that would mean hiring regional support people and according to Reaganomics you are supposed to lay off regional American citizens. You just made a terrorist list for being unAmerican.

Sat, 02/09/2013 - 10:08 | 3228534 GMadScientist
GMadScientist's picture

That's the thing...Fed Ex is a bunch of smaller regional companies...that all contract for the behemoths.

Best of luck trying to corner the market on places to which Fed Ex doesn't even want to deliever.

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 20:37 | 3227709 Monedas
Monedas's picture

How come FedEx gets some real work out of their darkies .... but, USPS is top heavy darkie do nothing management ? Could it be .... they treat their darkies just like everybody else .... something the USPS doesn't have a clue about ?

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 20:34 | 3227714 strayaway
strayaway's picture

 "The financial problem it faces now comes from a 2006 Congressional mandate that requires the agency to “pre-pay” into a fund that covers health care costs for future retired employees. Under the mandate, the USPS is required to make an annual $5.5 billion payment over ten years, through 2016. These “prepayments” are largely responsible for the USPS’s financial losses over the past four years and the threat of shutdown that looms ahead – take the retirement fund out of the equation, and the postal service would have actually netted $1 billion in profits over this period." -NPR

And to think this destruction of a part of the national infrastructure happened during the Obama administration even though 21% of all USPS employees are black.  

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 20:49 | 3227734 Monedas
Monedas's picture

This would be an excellent time for Big Brown and Fed Ex to go 7 day delivery .... just to twist the knife .... and show how free enterprise is superior to the liberal plantation work ethic !  My soft, sentimental side would like to see USPS stick around .... as a private company with no privileges !  I remember when the USPS mail boxes and vehicles were army brown .... just like UPS .... bunch of clueless young whipper snappers !

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 20:47 | 3227754 Arkadaba
Arkadaba's picture

The USPS may deserve to be put out pasture and may be it should have happened earlier. But ... they have had a few helping hands on the way down:

Just sayin...

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 21:01 | 3227789 100pcDredge
100pcDredge's picture


Nobody ever built anything - or whatsoever - remember that - always.

Only I did.

So Long,

Jøhn Gält


And now: Get the hell off MY property you SOB!

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 21:06 | 3227794 mendolover
mendolover's picture

For the first time in my adult life I now have a mail carrier who I can carry on a conversation with and he tells me that if it wasn't for all the direct marketing bullshit he has to lug he probably would have lost his job a long time ago.

Sat, 02/09/2013 - 12:24 | 3228673 W74
W74's picture

It really was the labor costs and the benefits and retirement packages that did them in.  Best friend's father growing up was and still is a postman.  They have contractors now who work for $16/hr. (down from $22) to do the same routes without the benefits.  The post office isn't hiring new direct employees, contracting may well be the norm which may save them in the end.

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 21:08 | 3227797 cxl9
cxl9's picture

They should just deliver Saturday's mail on Friday, and no one will notice a difference.

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 21:12 | 3227806 TheFulishBastid
TheFulishBastid's picture

Fuck UPS 

Fuck FedEx

Fuck John Galt

Fuck Dems

Fuck Repubs

Fuck White People

Fuck Black People

Fuck You

Fuck Me, who the fuck am I to say fuck to all this shit.

Fuck the fulish bastid

Fuck Pigface

Sat, 02/09/2013 - 10:10 | 3228537 GMadScientist
GMadScientist's picture

Fuck Jesus

Fuck Mary

Fuck the Jews

Fuck the Hindus

Fuck George Bush (Sr)

Fuck His Ugly Wife

Fuck Me

Fuck You

Fuck Everyone



Fri, 02/08/2013 - 21:54 | 3227838 Yes_Questions
Yes_Questions's picture



When it absolutely positively has to go through Memphis first

Even when you're in Colorado and the recipient is to.


I wonder if Costner was on to something when he made The Postman.


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