• Tim Knight from...
    04/28/2016 - 00:27
    I was expecting a few boring candidate statements of the U.S. Senate - AKA the World's Most Exclusive Club - but, boy, was I wrong. Just take a look at some of these gems.
  • Tim Knight from...
    04/28/2016 - 00:27
    I was expecting a few boring candidate statements of the U.S. Senate - AKA the World's Most Exclusive Club - but, boy, was I wrong. Just take a look at some of these gems.

Friday Humor: "When It Needs To Get There On Saturday"

Tyler Durden's picture




 

Remember the popular myth that there are some things that the private sector can never, ever possibly replicate the public sector in because, you know, "they didn't build that" and they couldn't possibly build that, even after accumulating some $16,487,564,297,892.03 in debt - no, only the government can be that efficient? We do. And apparently so does FedEx, which does so with just the faintest of a smirk...

h/t Ray

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Fri, 02/08/2013 - 19:07 | 3227480 FEDbuster
FEDbuster's picture

USPS will still deliver packages on Saturday (for now), but no more first class or junk mail.

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 19:10 | 3227484 Freewheelin Franklin
Freewheelin Franklin's picture

Thank God I will still be able to get my Silk Road purchases on Saturday!

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 19:13 | 3227489 trav777
trav777's picture

I see a white and black person interacting in that Fedex pic, therefore the former must be oppressing the latter.  I find this picture offensive

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 19:30 | 3227538 Piranhanoia
Piranhanoia's picture

Many of us consider the interaction with you offensive, but there is a first amendment, for now.

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 19:57 | 3227614 Say What Again
Say What Again's picture

Does this mean that no one can go "Postal" on Saturdays anymore?

Just think how much money the local police will save as they trim down their work force.

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 20:51 | 3227755 knukles
knukles's picture

Some things the private sector can/would never be able to duplicate as per the public sector.

TRVTH! (supposed to be olde greco-roman looking text)

Because the private entity would have gone out of business

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 21:39 | 3227882 erg
erg's picture

Einstein Express. When it absolutely, positively, has to be there the day before yesterday.

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 22:28 | 3227989 MrX
MrX's picture

If the USPS comes back with an ad promising no questions asked delivery of Marijuana in Washington and Colorado(for an additional fee)........you would save the entire USPS shootin match in 3 years.

see here:

http://youtu.be/aXGt2XOeCJc

Sat, 02/09/2013 - 10:49 | 3228580 GMadScientist
GMadScientist's picture

Legion of Green Men - Letters Never Sent

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KGwefCsh5fQ

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 21:03 | 3227790 mendolover
mendolover's picture

Nice!  My 00 buckshot is here!

Sat, 02/09/2013 - 00:08 | 3228180 ImReady
ImReady's picture

Great, I suppose my primers won't be showing up anytime soon. Damn USPS! 

Sat, 02/09/2013 - 03:29 | 3228312 Pool Shark
Pool Shark's picture

 

 

At least you probably know which end of the tube the shot comes out of; this guy, not so much:

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-2E6GZi-KWN4/UQ3RNg_8WXI/AAAAAAABHJQ/S3XfsYXvIpE/s1600/130202-obama-s3.jpg

 

Sat, 02/09/2013 - 09:15 | 3228474 xtop23
xtop23's picture

Usually those kind of pics just annoy me when I'm reading ZH, but that one....damn. There is a God.

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 20:35 | 3227717 trav777
trav777's picture

Good.

It is my aim to offend the fuck out of almost every one of you.  I am going to keep repeating myself until you people yield and get it.

A few already have.  It takes awhile sometimes.

it's really NOT y'all's fault.  People like you 100 years ago would have not only accepted what I am saying but would have UNDERSTOOD it implicitly from simple experience.  Ordinary people got this simple stuff back then.  Even mulattoes who went into the south came back going my god these ppl are dim and coarse. 

But the conditioning you've undergone since birth has really mindfucked the hell out of you so you can't even point out simple right and wrong.  You can't even see what's obvious because you're afraid to admit it.  It terrifies you, this label.  So I'm here to help.

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 20:42 | 3227738 tmosley
tmosley's picture

Actually, it just sounds like whining.

Every single thing you say is whining about how the black man is oppressing you, and how they are the cause of all problems, despite, you know, the facts about who is actually in power, and what is causing our problems, ie Keynesians and their terrible policies.

But apparently black people cause that as well, somehow.  Or maybe Arabs.  Or possibly tanning salon patrons.

Yes, please help us all by spamming each thread with your ineffectual wailing.

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 20:54 | 3227770 LasVegasDave
LasVegasDave's picture

fuck you mosely, you dimwitted cunt;

Trav blames the blacks, you blame the jews

keep saving your pennies, maybe youll be able to afford that apt. in panama one day

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 21:55 | 3227901 tickhound
tickhound's picture

So a zh picasso was being restored and you come in with a wet blanket?  Don't you have some OWS Americans to drone?  Or a social security recipient to mock?  Or anyone else who SCARES you?

Any other night, maybe.  But its Friday night.  Don't muck it up for everybody.

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 22:18 | 3227967 BigDuke6
BigDuke6's picture

Right Daveyboy.

i'm all for a good punch up here

but mosely and his bumchum akak really shit me off when they WHINE about getting people banned from ZH.

i had a 6 month holiday from ZH when they became the self appointed thought police of ZH where akak and mosley here would follow the posts of certain users like a fly on shit.

lets not go back to that

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 22:22 | 3227977 tickhound
tickhound's picture

No self-respecting anti-statist would ever admit to such a thing. 

Sat, 02/09/2013 - 10:51 | 3228584 GMadScientist
GMadScientist's picture

They love clubs, just not freely-elected ones.

 

Sat, 02/09/2013 - 00:27 | 3227938 Dangertime
Dangertime's picture

Right.

 

Because when a black complains about inequality, he is fighting against oppression.

But when a white complains about inequality, he is just whining.

 

Trav is right, mosley you are so conditioned that you are too fvking stupid to realize that it is policy to be racist against whites.

 

That's why we get statements from actors like Jaime Foxx saying blacks are the most talented people in the world, but not a peep by the media.  Imagine if a white had said that whites were the smartest?  It would be an outrage and all over every liberal newspiece out there.  http://newsbusters.org/blogs/noel-sheppard/2013/02/08/jamie-foxx-black-people-are-most-talented-people-world#ixzz2KMA1FrFv

 

 

Mosley, you are a fvking moron......but then, I remember you were so stupid you kept buying tons of silver at $50.

Sat, 02/09/2013 - 06:26 | 3228377 The Alarmist
The Alarmist's picture

They must be hiding something ... the last demographic report for the Federal workforce cuts off at 2006 ....

http://www.opm.gov/policy-data-oversight/data-analysis-documentation/fed...

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 21:59 | 3227926 Yes_Questions
Yes_Questions's picture

 

 

Thanks for bringing us up to speed on1913.

 

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 22:18 | 3227968 Totentänzerlied
Totentänzerlied's picture

They also would have told you genetics is a myth, no one knows if bacteria are real, tobacco products are good for you, phrenology is a legitimate science, and the earth is a few thousand years old. Gee those old folks were just so smart and correct.

Sat, 02/09/2013 - 06:27 | 3228379 The Alarmist
The Alarmist's picture

Tobacco is good for you.  It kills you, so it must be an antibiotic.

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 19:31 | 3227543 willwork4food
willwork4food's picture

As long as the white guy is on top, it's all cool.

;)

Sat, 02/09/2013 - 07:43 | 3228404 TWSceptic
TWSceptic's picture

At least she's smiling, the black person delivering our mail never does. They should at least fake that they like their job like on the ad.

Sat, 02/09/2013 - 09:52 | 3228504 GMadScientist
GMadScientist's picture

"I see a white and black person interacting in that Fedex pic, therefore the former must be oppressing the latter. "

I'm sure there's great honor in fulfilling the market demand of this lonely housewife with the dildos she's ordered.

Sat, 02/09/2013 - 11:48 | 3228642 PeterLemonJello
PeterLemonJello's picture

I actually look forward to Trav's comments.

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 22:28 | 3227987 MrX
MrX's picture

they just keep printing stamps like the FED

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 19:23 | 3227516 FL_Conservative
FL_Conservative's picture

Shouldn't this be considered Saturday humor?

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 19:36 | 3227555 EvlTheCat
EvlTheCat's picture

No, you won't get the humour on Saturday.  So you have to tell it today.

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 21:18 | 3227820 knukles
knukles's picture

I still don't get it.
Do I have to wait till next week?

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 21:43 | 3227891 EvlTheCat
EvlTheCat's picture

DOH!!  I just checked with the shipping department.  I mixed up your humour order in the mail room knukles..  Sorry, I mistakenly sent it using DHL.

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 20:14 | 3227662 nmewn
nmewn's picture

Here's some Friday Humor..."a PHD in 17th century Belgian lesbian studies"...ROTFL!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EUzMPlQb2G4

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 20:25 | 3227685 Deo vindice
Deo vindice's picture

That. Was. Funny.

Except God didn't make Liberals. That came about after the Fall of Man.

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 20:35 | 3227720 nmewn
nmewn's picture

I always substitute the word "progressive" for liberal...but we all know the type we're talkin about here...lol.

Here's another good one...coffee enemas...no, I ain't lyin...

http://abcnews.go.com/Health/florida-couple-addicted-coffee-enemas/story?id=18433235

Can the grand opening of StarButts be too far behind?...I counted three puns there ;-)

 

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 20:47 | 3227752 Hulk
Hulk's picture

LOL!!! StarButts, you're killing me nmewn...

BTW, to get drunk really fast, I go live both ends via vodka stingers with a whiskey back!!!

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 20:51 | 3227765 nmewn
nmewn's picture

lol...make mine a double mocha ass-presso ;-)

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 21:33 | 3227861 Monedas
Monedas's picture

Bottoms up !

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 22:18 | 3227969 Hulk
Hulk's picture

and bottles down !!!

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 01:37 | 3232337 TerraHertz
TerraHertz's picture

I wanted to stop reading, but it was tail latte.

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 21:00 | 3227783 mendolover
mendolover's picture

Hillary looks ill and Pelosi looks like a douchbag as usual.

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 21:09 | 3227803 nmewn
nmewn's picture

"What does it matter?"...lol.

This tragic comedy practically writes itself.

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 19:50 | 3227590 bobthehorse
bobthehorse's picture

I miss the post office.

I'm getting old.

America used to be a lot of fun.

http://www.angrysinner.blogspot.kr/2013/02/saturday.html

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 19:51 | 3227592 Son of Loki
Son of Loki's picture

Good for that. I am really looking forward to my package from Japan.

 

http://nymag.com/thecut/2012/11/getting-comfortable-with-a-japanese.html

Sat, 02/09/2013 - 00:19 | 3228190 ImReady
ImReady's picture

Dibs on sloppy seconds! 

Sat, 02/09/2013 - 09:53 | 3228508 GMadScientist
GMadScientist's picture

Easy to find in the dark.

Fri, 02/08/2013 - 21:40 | 3227884 Bangin7GramRocks
Bangin7GramRocks's picture

FedEx charges a $10 premium on top of the already outrageous $30 for a priority letter. Vs. 45 cents with us postal. Fuck you! FedEx is shitty too. It's like comparing a pencil and an IPad and saying you can write with both of them. Why is one $500 and the other .30.

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