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Friday Humor: "When It Needs To Get There On Saturday"
Remember the popular myth that there are some things that the private sector can never, ever possibly replicate the public sector in because, you know, "they didn't build that" and they couldn't possibly build that, even after accumulating some $16,487,564,297,892.03 in debt - no, only the government can be that efficient? We do. And apparently so does FedEx, which does so with just the faintest of a smirk...
h/t Ray
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USPS will still deliver packages on Saturday (for now), but no more first class or junk mail.
Thank God I will still be able to get my Silk Road purchases on Saturday!
I see a white and black person interacting in that Fedex pic, therefore the former must be oppressing the latter. I find this picture offensive
Many of us consider the interaction with you offensive, but there is a first amendment, for now.
Does this mean that no one can go "Postal" on Saturdays anymore?
Just think how much money the local police will save as they trim down their work force.
What Can This Lovely United Parcel Service Delivery Lady Do For You?
Some things the private sector can/would never be able to duplicate as per the public sector.
TRVTH! (supposed to be olde greco-roman looking text)
Because the private entity would have gone out of business
Einstein Express. When it absolutely, positively, has to be there the day before yesterday.
If the USPS comes back with an ad promising no questions asked delivery of Marijuana in Washington and Colorado(for an additional fee)........you would save the entire USPS shootin match in 3 years.
see here:
http://youtu.be/aXGt2XOeCJc
Legion of Green Men - Letters Never Sent
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KGwefCsh5fQ
Nice! My 00 buckshot is here!
Great, I suppose my primers won't be showing up anytime soon. Damn USPS!
At least you probably know which end of the tube the shot comes out of; this guy, not so much:
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-2E6GZi-KWN4/UQ3RNg_8WXI/AAAAAAABHJQ/S3XfsYXvIpE/s1600/130202-obama-s3.jpg
Usually those kind of pics just annoy me when I'm reading ZH, but that one....damn. There is a God.
Good.
It is my aim to offend the fuck out of almost every one of you. I am going to keep repeating myself until you people yield and get it.
A few already have. It takes awhile sometimes.
it's really NOT y'all's fault. People like you 100 years ago would have not only accepted what I am saying but would have UNDERSTOOD it implicitly from simple experience. Ordinary people got this simple stuff back then. Even mulattoes who went into the south came back going my god these ppl are dim and coarse.
But the conditioning you've undergone since birth has really mindfucked the hell out of you so you can't even point out simple right and wrong. You can't even see what's obvious because you're afraid to admit it. It terrifies you, this label. So I'm here to help.
Actually, it just sounds like whining.
Every single thing you say is whining about how the black man is oppressing you, and how they are the cause of all problems, despite, you know, the facts about who is actually in power, and what is causing our problems, ie Keynesians and their terrible policies.
But apparently black people cause that as well, somehow. Or maybe Arabs. Or possibly tanning salon patrons.
Yes, please help us all by spamming each thread with your ineffectual wailing.
fuck you mosely, you dimwitted cunt;
Trav blames the blacks, you blame the jews
keep saving your pennies, maybe youll be able to afford that apt. in panama one day
So a zh picasso was being restored and you come in with a wet blanket? Don't you have some OWS Americans to drone? Or a social security recipient to mock? Or anyone else who SCARES you?
Any other night, maybe. But its Friday night. Don't muck it up for everybody.
Right Daveyboy.
i'm all for a good punch up here
but mosely and his bumchum akak really shit me off when they WHINE about getting people banned from ZH.
i had a 6 month holiday from ZH when they became the self appointed thought police of ZH where akak and mosley here would follow the posts of certain users like a fly on shit.
lets not go back to that
No self-respecting anti-statist would ever admit to such a thing.
They love clubs, just not freely-elected ones.
Right.
Because when a black complains about inequality, he is fighting against oppression.
But when a white complains about inequality, he is just whining.
Trav is right, mosley you are so conditioned that you are too fvking stupid to realize that it is policy to be racist against whites.
That's why we get statements from actors like Jaime Foxx saying blacks are the most talented people in the world, but not a peep by the media. Imagine if a white had said that whites were the smartest? It would be an outrage and all over every liberal newspiece out there. http://newsbusters.org/blogs/noel-sheppard/2013/02/08/jamie-foxx-black-people-are-most-talented-people-world#ixzz2KMA1FrFv
Mosley, you are a fvking moron......but then, I remember you were so stupid you kept buying tons of silver at $50.
They must be hiding something ... the last demographic report for the Federal workforce cuts off at 2006 ....
http://www.opm.gov/policy-data-oversight/data-analysis-documentation/fed...
Thanks for bringing us up to speed on1913.
They also would have told you genetics is a myth, no one knows if bacteria are real, tobacco products are good for you, phrenology is a legitimate science, and the earth is a few thousand years old. Gee those old folks were just so smart and correct.
Tobacco is good for you. It kills you, so it must be an antibiotic.
As long as the white guy is on top, it's all cool.
;)
At least she's smiling, the black person delivering our mail never does. They should at least fake that they like their job like on the ad.
"I see a white and black person interacting in that Fedex pic, therefore the former must be oppressing the latter. "
I'm sure there's great honor in fulfilling the market demand of this lonely housewife with the dildos she's ordered.
I actually look forward to Trav's comments.
they just keep printing stamps like the FED
Shouldn't this be considered Saturday humor?
No, you won't get the humour on Saturday. So you have to tell it today.
I still don't get it.
Do I have to wait till next week?
DOH!! I just checked with the shipping department. I mixed up your humour order in the mail room knukles.. Sorry, I mistakenly sent it using DHL.
Here's some Friday Humor..."a PHD in 17th century Belgian lesbian studies"...ROTFL!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EUzMPlQb2G4
That. Was. Funny.
Except God didn't make Liberals. That came about after the Fall of Man.
I always substitute the word "progressive" for liberal...but we all know the type we're talkin about here...lol.
Here's another good one...coffee enemas...no, I ain't lyin...
http://abcnews.go.com/Health/florida-couple-addicted-coffee-enemas/story?id=18433235
Can the grand opening of StarButts be too far behind?...I counted three puns there ;-)
LOL!!! StarButts, you're killing me nmewn...
BTW, to get drunk really fast, I go live both ends via vodka stingers with a whiskey back!!!
lol...make mine a double mocha ass-presso ;-)
Bottoms up !
and bottles down !!!
I wanted to stop reading, but it was tail latte.
Hillary looks ill and Pelosi looks like a douchbag as usual.
"What does it matter?"...lol.
This tragic comedy practically writes itself.
I miss the post office.
I'm getting old.
America used to be a lot of fun.
http://www.angrysinner.blogspot.kr/2013/02/saturday.html
Good for that. I am really looking forward to my package from Japan.
http://nymag.com/thecut/2012/11/getting-comfortable-with-a-japanese.html
Dibs on sloppy seconds!
Easy to find in the dark.
FedEx charges a $10 premium on top of the already outrageous $30 for a priority letter. Vs. 45 cents with us postal. Fuck you! FedEx is shitty too. It's like comparing a pencil and an IPad and saying you can write with both of them. Why is one $500 and the other .30.
"Vs. 45 cents with us postal."
hmm maybe there's a reason they're bankrupt again...
I don't mind the increased rates if they would give some sort of delivery confirmation or tracking for overseas mail/packages. I'd even pay extra for that. Too may packages I send to my relatives overseas (yes, even the UK!) are "misplaced" or "Lost" which means stolen imo.
I won't even get into sanding stuff to Italy, etc or most places in South America (like Brazil). That's a lost cause.
I know the answer to the question you ended with a period! Pick me! It's because one company is profitable and charging market rates and the other company/agency is bankrupt and charging non-market-based rates. FedEx does other crazy market-based calculations like charging a different price for a package going from San Francisco to New York, then say, New York to New York, and provides various scales of delivery times with shorter times costing more (on both the retail side and on the side of FedEx), so customers can choose how much they want to spend! In many cases this actually makes FedEx substantially cheaper than the USPS. It is not even a good argument to compare the two - the USPS is primarily failing to execute the model where they deliver small envelopes, and they are not competitive in either price or service quality with many large package delivery services - it's almost apples and oranges.
I use FedEx a lot (and USPS and UPS for that matter), and I've never been charged $40 for a priority letter. Even sending a standard FedEx 12" X 9" flat envelope with paper in it up to a 1lb, costs about $10-$13 for standard ground delivery (about two days, and comparable with the post office regular service for a few sheets of paper trifolded into their standard envelope size). If you compare faster shipping, and same size envelopes, with a target of shipping it this morning (Saturday) and it arriving Monday, and keep it on the eastern seaboard (as an example - costs go up if you're shipping to Alaska from New York to as much as $36, but that doesn't represent your typical package) then it costs $19.95 at the post office and $17.60 at FedEx.
Then, on top of this failure to compete in the marketplace with consumers, the USPS has a fleet of employees that are overpaid and a bulging middle management that even the letter carriers are up in arms over. Even your flex part-time employee is getting a base of $28 an hour (see the NALC.org website for their Union's negotiated base rates) to take a pre-sorted group of letters out of a container and place them in the mailbox with a matching street number and name. I can hire someone with an associates degree who understands relatively complex accounting procedures for half that, full-time, and these people are doing tasks my 10 year old could complete (except she can't drive the mail cart legally). The average pay for a unionized postal worker exceeds $70k, and comes with a pension that starts at year 20. So, you can theoretically retire at age 40 (if you started at age 20) and start a new career while earning a retirement pension - that's insane. I realize the pension is not much if you retire at 40, but in the private sector we're generally not allowed to quit working at 40 and receive money for it.
:(
Soon the USPS will be a thing of the past.
USPS will be around as long as the US government, that may not be very long.
Get ready cause it's comin. USPS Mon-Wed-Fri delivery only ! ...like it or lump it
There will be new life for the USPS and employees when they deputize mail carriers as DHS agents.
Think of all the intelligence they already have on the people on their routes.
Getting packages from APMEX, Adam & Eve, or NRA mailings?
GPS units and HD video cameras on every mail van.
It's only about 300 yards to the post box from my driveway. .54R will make that with iron sights easy...
AND collection agents for the IRS.
And they could also install the sensors to read your new "smart" power meter in their delivery trucks at the same time.
Imagine the Monty Python skit:
Help! Help! I'm being oppressed!
By whom sir?
By the post office!
<Thunderous Laughter>
And now for something completely different....
Shame! You are conflating Monty Python and Laugh-In.
APMEX, Adam & Eve, and NRA. Jeez nailed me. All three this week. :-(
"Takes one to know one" as the saying goes... ;-)
Geez, why wait for mail order when we can go to the local Adam and Eve store? The moment may pass by the time it arrives by mail.....
By the time the Bureaucracy gets done, protecting us from ourselves, that plastic love toy will have a 3 day waiting period on it and they will have to run an FBI background check on you. Trust me with the thought of Big Sis watching, the moment will have passed..
Eek the Cat has a point; Any moment like that you have to plan for to make it really worthwhile.
Wink, wink.
Needing to go to a store belies an almost criminal lack of imagination.
@Rainman
Exactly. My local shitty Gannett-owned newspaper (I'm not a sucker subscriber) dropped the Monday edition and there are 2 sections for every day except Sunday when they distribute the coupons. Hell, the Times-Picayune dropped Monday too (but they had a special Super Bowl edition this past Monday. Yay for that!). Anyway, this is just another sign of our economic Depression. Suppliers don't change the price, but they give you a lot less of the product. More filler, less killer. Thanks, BernanQE.
Do you suppose people don't want it because of all the bullshit lies of MSM? The one & only local paper here is so biased it's pathetic.
Get to work Chairman!
is the delivery of parcels to PO Boxes only for the USPS? This does not make any sense in saving money...they would be paying the carriers to come in and still run the route. I could see if the clerks were sorting the parcels for the PO Boxes with no carrier delivery to the home. They use to ..dont know if they still do...have a hub to handle the express mail on holidays that would carry express mail for various post offices and make the home delivery.
Reading about the plight of the USPS reminds me off the courtroom scene from Miralce on 34th St. Mr.Gailey saves Kris Kringle by introducing evidence of a highly efficient, well maintained, profitable enterprise. Today Edmund Gwenn would be screwed.
I remember the PBS "ads" (or is it self-sponsorship in Newspeak):
Um, like, a lot of people. Hell, the penguin filmers rode Morgan Freeman to an Oscar.
If PBS didn't get Breuer to step down, who would? Of course in the new era of lie about everything Breuer was lying about stepping down apparently.
Isn't the USPS the only agency and even public company required by law to FULLY PREFUND all future worker benefits 100%??? What if this law was imposed on all public companies and govt agencies?
They are just the canary in the coal mine of REALITY.
DoD's been doing it for decades. It's how we maintain an "all volunteer army".
But hell, in this job market I bet they could skim a lot off of benefits and still have lines outside recruitment offices.
The USPS is self funded, the DoD (or Department of Offense) is a leech off of the productive citizens of this country.
If anyone wants to get informed, here is a link to the first quarter financials for the USPS which came out today.
http://www.postal-reporter.com/blog/usps-ends-first-quarter-fy-2013-with...
Summary: A 1.3 billion dollar loss. If you subtract the 1.4 billion dollar pre-payment for the future retiree HEALTH benefit (not pension) they made some small change.
Factor in the 2.3% postage increase and the 26,000 workers that retired last week and maybe they can break even, which is what congress has told them to do.
So the fix looks simple. Cancel their bloated pensions like has happened throughout private industry. And I'm not being sarcastic.
There, fixed it for you. The pirates in CONgress love big idle piles of OPM.
How about: when it needs to get there not stolen by some government asshole who just decided to take home a guitar I mailed?
yup...happened to me, too...gotta love the postal inspectors and their guarantee of "we may or may not look into this..."
Fed ex and ups got a back door bailout when the 2006 congress passed the paea law forcing USPS to prefund 75 yrs of health benefits.
If you subtract that 5 billion, didn't they still lose over 10 billion last year?
Good Lord!...next thing they'll want them to contribute some small meaningless percentile to their own retirement too!
From The Onion 'WASHINGTON—Responding to widespread dissatisfaction regarding the U.S. Postal Service’s newly announced plans to discontinue Saturday mail delivery service, Postmaster General Patrick R. Donahue told reporters this afternoon that the nation had better hold onto their dicks, because they’re going to absolutely lose their shit when they find out what the government agency has in store for Wednesdays. “You think limited weekend delivery is bad—you assholes don’t even know what’s coming,” said Donahue, adding that Americans will literally shit their pants when the USPS reveals its upcoming fucking insane changes to midweek delivery schedules.'
http://www.theonion.com/articles/postal-service-and-wait-until-you-cocks...
http://www.theonion.com/articles/us-postal-service-to-end-saturday-mail-...
The USPS is broke in the same way that Enron was a profitable company. It's all accounting bullshit. Because George W. Bush was/is a complete moron, he bowed to UPS/FedEx lobbyists and passed a law that mandated that the USPS must pre-pay the health care benefits of not only their current employees, but of any employee that is going to retire in the NEXT 75 YEARS!
http://www.commondreams.org/view/2012/03/28#.T3LyughnAGY
http://redtape.nbcnews.com/_news/2011/10/07/8191425-twisted-government-a...
Bush's Fault!!!
Man its just like old times ;-)
a turd sandwich in the hand, is worth two cheney's in the bush...
O'Barry at the skeet range...PULL!!!
(Bang)
Owww, I'm done ;-)
Dick Cheney was banned from the skeet at Camp David.
They buried the unfortunate intern on the camp grounds, sans face...
Another poorly managed semi-government entity that Bush is somehow the only President in the USPS life span that is responsible for all of its problems. Never mind the 35 years that "Dems" contolled the spending purse. Is that you Barracky?
They will send a letter 3,000 miles in a few days for 45 cents. How can you compare. Is it a government program; of course it is. But if stamps were properly priced at 3 or 4 dollars it would really hurt the elderly and poor. I'm well aware that few people on here give two shits about the elderly and the poor but that is the truth.
What you don't get, because you are a moron, is that the Postal Service really doesn't have problems. Their only problem is that they have to fully fund the health care plans for PEOPLE THEY HAVEN'T HIRED YET. Their losses come from a law passed by GWB that forces them to PRE-PAY the health care costs for any employee they might have over the next 75 years. Do some research before you put your hands to a keyboard and come off as an uneducated lemming.
Dickley, presidents don't pass laws, the House and the Senate pass laws.
Uh, no, they pass bills...it's not a law until the President signs it.
"Oh yes I hope and pray that I will, but today, I am still just a Bill"
Geez, we haven't had Saturday delivery in Canada for 40+ years, I don't see what the big deal is.
Yeah, another reason Canada sucks a giant bag of dicks. Thoughtcrime/"hate speech" laws, shitty gun laws, it's actually against the law to order a burger medium rare, and they fucking measure your shots so you are forced to order doubles all the time at $12 a throw. And that fucking Canadian "double" is still shorter than a solid American single pour.
Canada stinks.
Clearly the above is a compelling argument to defend such a grand nation as Canada by investing in the C$16 billion (edit: C$30 billion), stealthy (edit: kind of stealthy) all weather (edit: sunshine-only) CF-35.
Yeah, right. I hear we live in igloo's too...
I thought this was Friday Humour...sorry carry on the hate
Privately, I would have opted out of the mail delivery
system long ago as I only receive junk mail and threatening
letters from government agencies. Birthday greetings
from grandma no more, I don`t really need snail mail ever since.
In a business operation checking mail on Monday means
you don`t wait for the mailman ,it`s all
sitting there from Saturday and hardly anything actually
gets your way on Mondays because nothing got processed
on Sunday. So it is "easy Monday" for the mailman on full pay.
Lysander Spooner would be proud.
A short story of Spooner's American Letter Mail Company: http://www.lewrockwell.com/orig4/spooner3.1.1.html
When's the IPO?
I'm glad I'm not the only one to see that when private equity hits its peak with a company they announce an IPO so the suckers can buy it on the NYSE and private equity can cash out.
She's happy because she got her bag of dicks on time for the party.
While the MA governor goes nuts and BAN DRIVING all around the state because of the snowstorm... don't comply? 500$ fine + up to one year in jail!
Makes me wish I lived there; cruising around at about 45 with a back seat full of guns and headed out to the range to build a snowburgler to practice my shooting on.
Probably not in MA. ) :
Yeah, fuck those first responders who have to go out on icy roads in the middle of the night to rescue all the idiots who go out driving in the middle of the night during a fucking blizzard!
Then don't respond. Make people pay for the first responder service when they use it. Risk assessments will change quickly.
Just leave the corpses in their cars until spring, huh?
So when a first responder gets stuck in the snow do they call a second responder?
.... or a transponder !
Yeah, I always had to watch out for those 2:00AM calls, ya just have to turn em down, no matter how much they plead & beg grabbig onto your pant leg.
Ohhh, you said transponder ;-)
Damn...I knew you turned yourself out, but the crying game?!
A friend posted this today and because of stuff like this I still love Canada Buckeroo Banzaii - in spite of measured shots (they suck!) and hate speech laws (I am with you on that one), gun laws (they are working for us and supported by most). During snow storm:
Bus driver asks everyone on the bus to go to the back as he is trying to make traction on a snowy, slippery slope...it worked and the whole bus wooted and cheered. As he passed another bus he commented that it must be filled with children. Ingenious solution. Best McGyver today!
Question I have is could that have occured in any large American city - I think not.
Tell them there is a missing $50 grocery store gift card in the back of the bus, taped to an iPhone, and the front end of the bus would lift off the ground. If they get mad and storm the driver, after finding out it was a hoax, just tell them there is a hidden camera on board streaming live to TV's Bloopers and Practical Jokes and they all have a chance at winning a new iPad. Just watch next weeks show to see who has won!! See you just need to know the proper motivation for your passengers. I know it may seem a bit more elaborate here in the U.S. but that is just cuz we is mo smarter.
Axin' people to go to the back of the bus is a hate crime in the US.
Short lawn services. Everybodies yard just got a reprieve. We'll see if this actually helps .
I hope that another competitor comes into play other than USPS, UPS and Fed Ex. I ordered and the companies I bought from used Fed Ex and UPS. I was not impressed with their service at al (delays)l. Someone needs to start smaller regional companies to compete with these behemoths.
But that would mean hiring regional support people and according to Reaganomics you are supposed to lay off regional American citizens. You just made a terrorist list for being unAmerican.
That's the thing...Fed Ex is a bunch of smaller regional companies...that all contract for the behemoths.
Best of luck trying to corner the market on places to which Fed Ex doesn't even want to deliever.
How come FedEx gets some real work out of their darkies .... but, USPS is top heavy darkie do nothing management ? Could it be .... they treat their darkies just like everybody else .... something the USPS doesn't have a clue about ?
"The financial problem it faces now comes from a 2006 Congressional mandate that requires the agency to “pre-pay” into a fund that covers health care costs for future retired employees. Under the mandate, the USPS is required to make an annual $5.5 billion payment over ten years, through 2016. These “prepayments” are largely responsible for the USPS’s financial losses over the past four years and the threat of shutdown that looms ahead – take the retirement fund out of the equation, and the postal service would have actually netted $1 billion in profits over this period." -NPR
And to think this destruction of a part of the national infrastructure happened during the Obama administration even though 21% of all USPS employees are black.
This would be an excellent time for Big Brown and Fed Ex to go 7 day delivery .... just to twist the knife .... and show how free enterprise is superior to the liberal plantation work ethic ! My soft, sentimental side would like to see USPS stick around .... as a private company with no privileges ! I remember when the USPS mail boxes and vehicles were army brown .... just like UPS .... bunch of clueless young whipper snappers !
The USPS may deserve to be put out pasture and may be it should have happened earlier. But ... they have had a few helping hands on the way down:
http://www.cepr.net/index.php/blogs/beat-the-press/background-on-the-159...
Just sayin...
Hi,
Nobody ever built anything - or whatsoever - remember that - always.
Only I did.
So Long,
Jøhn Gält
PS.
And now: Get the hell off MY property you SOB!
For the first time in my adult life I now have a mail carrier who I can carry on a conversation with and he tells me that if it wasn't for all the direct marketing bullshit he has to lug he probably would have lost his job a long time ago.
It really was the labor costs and the benefits and retirement packages that did them in. Best friend's father growing up was and still is a postman. They have contractors now who work for $16/hr. (down from $22) to do the same routes without the benefits. The post office isn't hiring new direct employees, contracting may well be the norm which may save them in the end.
They should just deliver Saturday's mail on Friday, and no one will notice a difference.
Fuck UPS
Fuck FedEx
Fuck John Galt
Fuck Dems
Fuck Repubs
Fuck White People
Fuck Black People
Fuck You
Fuck Me, who the fuck am I to say fuck to all this shit.
Fuck the fulish bastid
Fuck Pigface
Fuck Jesus
Fuck Mary
Fuck the Jews
Fuck the Hindus
Fuck George Bush (Sr)
Fuck His Ugly Wife
Fuck Me
Fuck You
Fuck Everyone
Ah HAAAAA
Stigmata!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ekq0yl9rbGo
When it absolutely positively has to go through Memphis first
Even when you're in Colorado and the recipient is to.
I wonder if Costner was on to something when he made The Postman.