Friday Humor: "When It Needs To Get There On Saturday"

Tyler Durden's picture

Remember the popular myth that there are some things that the private sector can never, ever possibly replicate the public sector in because, you know, "they didn't build that" and they couldn't possibly build that, even after accumulating some $16,487,564,297,892.03 in debt - no, only the government can be that efficient? We do. And apparently so does FedEx, which does so with just the faintest of a smirk...

h/t Ray

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TheGardener's picture

Privately, I would have opted out of the mail delivery
system long ago as I only receive junk mail and threatening
letters from government agencies. Birthday greetings
from grandma no more, I don`t really need snail mail ever since.

In a business operation checking mail on Monday means
you don`t wait for the mailman ,it`s all
sitting there from Saturday and hardly anything actually
gets your way on Mondays because nothing got processed
on Sunday. So it is "easy Monday" for the mailman on full pay.

EscapingProgress's picture

Lysander Spooner would be proud.

A short story of Spooner's American Letter Mail Company:

Bobbyrib's picture

I'm glad I'm not the only one to see that when private equity hits its peak with a company they announce an IPO so the suckers can buy it on the NYSE and private equity can cash out.

LeisureSmith's picture

She's happy because she got her bag of dicks on time for the party.

lolmao500's picture

While the MA governor goes nuts and BAN DRIVING all around the state because of the snowstorm... don't comply? 500$ fine + up to one year in jail!

A Lunatic's picture

Makes me wish I lived there; cruising around at about 45 with a back seat full of guns and headed out to the range to build a snowburgler to practice my shooting on.

mendolover's picture

Probably not in MA.  ) :

hankwil74's picture

Yeah, fuck those first responders who have to go out on icy roads in the middle of the night to rescue all the idiots who go out driving in the middle of the night during a fucking blizzard!  

A Nanny Moose's picture

Then don't respond. Make people pay for the first responder service when they use it. Risk assessments will change quickly.

GMadScientist's picture

Just leave the corpses in their cars until spring, huh?


nmewn's picture

So when a first responder gets stuck in the snow do they call a second responder?

Monedas's picture

.... or a transponder !

nmewn's picture

Yeah, I always had to watch out for those 2:00AM calls, ya just have to turn em down, no matter how much they plead & beg grabbig onto your pant leg.

Ohhh, you said transponder ;-)

GMadScientist's picture

Damn...I knew you turned yourself out, but the crying game?!

Arkadaba's picture

A friend posted this today and because of stuff like this I still love Canada Buckeroo Banzaii - in spite of measured shots (they suck!) and hate speech laws (I am with you on that one), gun laws (they are working for us and supported by most). During snow storm:

Bus driver asks everyone on the bus to go to the back as he is trying to make traction on a snowy, slippery worked and the whole bus wooted and cheered. As he passed another bus he commented that it must be filled with children. Ingenious solution. Best McGyver today! 

Question I have is could that have occured in any large American city - I think not.


EvlTheCat's picture

Tell them there is a missing $50 grocery store gift card in the back of the bus, taped to an iPhone, and the front end of the bus would lift off the ground.  If they get mad and storm the driver, after finding out it was a hoax, just tell them there is a hidden camera on board streaming live to TV's Bloopers and Practical Jokes and they all have a chance at winning a new iPad.  Just watch next weeks show to see who has won!!  See you just need to know the proper motivation for your passengers.  I know it may seem a bit more elaborate here in the U.S. but that is just cuz we is mo smarter.

Midas's picture

Axin' people to go to the back of the bus is a hate crime in the US.

Umh's picture

Short lawn services. Everybodies yard just got a reprieve. We'll see if this actually helps .

Bobbyrib's picture

I hope that another competitor comes into play other than USPS, UPS and Fed Ex. I ordered and the companies I bought from used Fed Ex and UPS. I was not impressed with their service at al (delays)l. Someone needs to start smaller regional companies to compete with these behemoths.

RopeADope's picture

But that would mean hiring regional support people and according to Reaganomics you are supposed to lay off regional American citizens. You just made a terrorist list for being unAmerican.

GMadScientist's picture

That's the thing...Fed Ex is a bunch of smaller regional companies...that all contract for the behemoths.

Best of luck trying to corner the market on places to which Fed Ex doesn't even want to deliever.

Monedas's picture

How come FedEx gets some real work out of their darkies .... but, USPS is top heavy darkie do nothing management ? Could it be .... they treat their darkies just like everybody else .... something the USPS doesn't have a clue about ?

strayaway's picture

 "The financial problem it faces now comes from a 2006 Congressional mandate that requires the agency to “pre-pay” into a fund that covers health care costs for future retired employees. Under the mandate, the USPS is required to make an annual $5.5 billion payment over ten years, through 2016. These “prepayments” are largely responsible for the USPS’s financial losses over the past four years and the threat of shutdown that looms ahead – take the retirement fund out of the equation, and the postal service would have actually netted $1 billion in profits over this period." -NPR

And to think this destruction of a part of the national infrastructure happened during the Obama administration even though 21% of all USPS employees are black.  

Monedas's picture

This would be an excellent time for Big Brown and Fed Ex to go 7 day delivery .... just to twist the knife .... and show how free enterprise is superior to the liberal plantation work ethic !  My soft, sentimental side would like to see USPS stick around .... as a private company with no privileges !  I remember when the USPS mail boxes and vehicles were army brown .... just like UPS .... bunch of clueless young whipper snappers !

Arkadaba's picture

The USPS may deserve to be put out pasture and may be it should have happened earlier. But ... they have had a few helping hands on the way down:

Just sayin...

100pcDredge's picture


Nobody ever built anything - or whatsoever - remember that - always.

Only I did.

So Long,

Jøhn Gält


And now: Get the hell off MY property you SOB!

mendolover's picture

For the first time in my adult life I now have a mail carrier who I can carry on a conversation with and he tells me that if it wasn't for all the direct marketing bullshit he has to lug he probably would have lost his job a long time ago.

W74's picture

It really was the labor costs and the benefits and retirement packages that did them in.  Best friend's father growing up was and still is a postman.  They have contractors now who work for $16/hr. (down from $22) to do the same routes without the benefits.  The post office isn't hiring new direct employees, contracting may well be the norm which may save them in the end.

cxl9's picture

They should just deliver Saturday's mail on Friday, and no one will notice a difference.

TheFulishBastid's picture

Fuck UPS 

Fuck FedEx

Fuck John Galt

Fuck Dems

Fuck Repubs

Fuck White People

Fuck Black People

Fuck You

Fuck Me, who the fuck am I to say fuck to all this shit.

Fuck the fulish bastid

Fuck Pigface

GMadScientist's picture

Fuck Jesus

Fuck Mary

Fuck the Jews

Fuck the Hindus

Fuck George Bush (Sr)

Fuck His Ugly Wife

Fuck Me

Fuck You

Fuck Everyone



Yes_Questions's picture



When it absolutely positively has to go through Memphis first

Even when you're in Colorado and the recipient is to.


I wonder if Costner was on to something when he made The Postman.