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The Pope Quits: Now What?

Tyler Durden's picture


While Dan Brown fans are intimately familiar with the details of Conclave, there are those who have not studied Robert Langdon's every clue-busting eureka moment under a microscope. For them, the AP has this handy step-by-step guide for how a new pope is chosen. Traditionally, this flowchart if followed upon the death of the Pontiff, but following today's first papal resignation since 1415, it is time to apply a little of the "New Normal" to the Catholic church as well. The only unknown after reading the below flowchart should be how Diebold will rig the Cardinal vote so that a Goldman partner is elected.

From AP:

Electing a pope: conclave, oath, chimney smoke


Pope Benedict XVI's resignation sets in motion a complex sequence of events to elect the next leader of the Roman Catholic Church. The laws governing the selection are the same as those in force after a papal death. Here is the procedure:


— The Vatican summons a conclave of cardinals that must begin 15-20 days after Benedict's Feb. 28 resignation.


— Cardinals eligible to vote — those under age 80 — are sequestered within Vatican City and take an oath of secrecy.


— Any baptized Roman Catholic male is eligible for election as pope, but only cardinals have been selected since 1378.


— Two ballots held each morning and two each afternoon in the Sistine Chapel. A two-thirds majority is required. Benedict in 2007 reverted back to this two-thirds majority rule, reversing a 1996 decision by Pope John Paul II, who had decreed that a simple majority could be invoked after about 12 days of inconclusive voting.


— Ballots are burned after each round. Black smoke means no decision; white smoke signals that cardinals have chosen pope and he has accepted. Bells also signal the election of a pope to help avoid possible confusion over color of smoke coming from chimney of the Sistine Chapel.


— The new pope is introduced from the loggia overlooking St. Peter's Square with the words "Habemus Papam!" (Latin for "We have a pope!") and he imparts his first blessing.

* * *

Perhaps most surprisingly, in the Paddy Power Pope Prediction list which has already been compiled for the degenerate gamblers out there, we have yet to find a former Goldmanite in the list of likely successors. What is certainly ironic, and shows the transcendence of Hopium in the New Normal, is that Paddy Power gives the odds of Cardinal Carlo Maria Martini becoming pope at 200/1. Only problem: Cardinal Carlo Maria Martini is dead.


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Mon, 02/11/2013 - 11:30 | 3233278 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

Pope quits *due to pedophilia shitstorm*....there finished it.

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 11:33 | 3233288 Sudden Debt
Sudden Debt's picture

The Pope decided to step down because his quest for the HOLY GLORY HOLE turned out to be... not so holy... at all...

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 11:34 | 3233305 doomandbloom
doomandbloom's picture

Pope has been offered a role in Goldman Sachs.

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 11:40 | 3233335 Almost Solvent
Almost Solvent's picture

Now that would be interesting.

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 11:50 | 3233386 Confundido
Confundido's picture

Didn't the Medici put a pope? What would make a Goldmanite as pope so extraordinary?

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 11:50 | 3233390 Stackers
Stackers's picture

I'm all in on Pope Bono the 1st

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 12:10 | 3233496 kralizec
kralizec's picture

What?  Where's that scary-assed bald bitch?  Makes as much sense...

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 12:13 | 3233507 Manthong
Manthong's picture

Hmm.. hasn't Blankfein been lobbying for the job with all that "God's Work" hype? 

Tue, 02/12/2013 - 01:14 | 3235857 phyuckyiu
phyuckyiu's picture

St. Malachy FTW anyone?

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 12:13 | 3233508 BaBaBouy
BaBaBouy's picture

My Money Is On Cardinal BLANKFIEN ...

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 12:14 | 3233513 Manthong
Manthong's picture

LOL.. great minds and all that..

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 12:38 | 3233626 caconhma
caconhma's picture

After having a half-black US president, it is time for a black Pope.

Let all white believers kiss his ass.


Mon, 02/11/2013 - 12:55 | 3233684 dracos_ghost
dracos_ghost's picture

F&*k that, so last year,Berlusconi as Pope Bunga Bunga I. The ECB/EU would love it and more Catholics would come back to the church.

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 15:48 | 3234342 Chupacabra-322
Chupacabra-322's picture

Bushes, Walkers, bankers and Nazis—and the Vatican

The Jesuits: Stoneyhurst College is known as a “Catholic” institution with a primarily Jesuit influence; the college boasts of its association with the Society of Jesus.  The Society of Jesus, or the “Jesuits,”  proclaims its “service” to the Vatican and to mankind by “assisting the downtrodden through education.” [44]

Further investigation reveals that the Pope is covertly controlled by the Superior General of the Society of Jesus, Peter Hans Kolvenbach—the Black Pope. The General Curia (administrative offices where Jesuit business is conducted) is located in “Rome,” more specifically, within the Vatican.

Following the dictates of Ignatius Loyola’s “25 Sessions” and the leadership of the Superior General, the ultimate goal of this secret organization is to “destroy and rebuild the Temple of Solomon, reestablishing the seat of the Pope in Israel.”

Historically, the Jesuit mission has been to eliminate Protestant Christianity throughout the world, with the United States being the last frontier to be conquered. Contrary to the self-proclaimed mission to educate and assist the underprivileged in society, the Jesuits actually worship Lucifer (not Satan) and practice the most sadistic forms of human sacrifice, homosexuality, pedophilia, black magic, and murder.

The Society employs a variety of ruthless tactics to accomplish its long-term goal (of a New World Order which pays homage to their Black Pope). One is carrying out political assassinations of world leaders who refuse to comply with its demands. These assassinations in the U.S. have included presidents (Abraham Lincoln, JFK), cabinet members, congressmen, senators, diplomats, journalists, scientists and religious and business leaders.

For purposes of obfuscation and maintaining a spirit of compliance, the Society of Jesus employs (and finances) the services of the NSA, DHS, FEMA, OSS, ONI, FBI, CIA, DIA, DEA, the Pentagon, the Department of Defense, NASA, the Federal Reserve, the Internal Revenue Service, the Congress, and other Federal agencies as deemed necessary.

Foreign military and intelligence agencies under their control include the German SS, Deutsche Verteidigungs Dienst (underground Abwehr/DVD), the British MI6 and MI5, the Israeli Mossad, NATO, Interpol, the KGB, the Chilean DINA, and even the United Nations, to name a few.

Assassinations are carried out by the aforementioned intelligence agencies and their Mafia partners in the drug and gambling trades, often with collateral assistance from the Knights of Malta, the Freemasons, the Knights of Columbus, and Propaganda Due (

P2 ). Such was the case in the assassination of President John F. Kennedy and some former Popes.

Political leaders, whether duly elected or corruptly appointed, are replaced by dictatorships favorable to the Society. Those governments with concordats are allowed to subsist without threat of war, though that policy often changes when revolutionary movements begin to receive international recognition. Often, the simple refusal to allow the Society to reap the profits of the illegal drug trade is enough to spark a civil war or a clandestine paramilitary incursion.

The Society considers declaring one’s individual sovereignty, freedom of speech, freedom of religion, and civil rights to be anathema to its doctrine while seeking to crush Protestant Christianity, the basis for the creation of the United States. The dismantling of the U.S. government is the key to their ultimate success in the creation of a New World Order.

GHW was obviously recruited to assist the Jesuits with their long-range plans and, as a result, he (and those with whom he did business) profited immensely from his cooperation in the Jesuits’ plans.

Remote control of the Jesuit apparatus is maintained through the establishment of banks, churches, foundations, and institutes of “higher education” in foreign countries. Fordham University, a Jesuit institution, controls the Vatican’s top official in the U.S., John Cardinal O’Connor, Archbishop of New York (at St. Patrick’s Cathedral).

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 16:26 | 3234534 Au Member
Au Member's picture

I was at Stonyhurst college a few years back, the staff there told me Prescott Bush went to the school in the early 20th century, big paedo scandal there a few decades back. Military guy I was at the college with told me that you don't fuck with the jesuits.

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 18:20 | 3234890 DoneThis2Long
DoneThis2Long's picture

Let all white believers kiss his ass.

isn't that the message he delivers virtually every single day, every single speech, every single directive, with that POS sholder along side him???

IMO, the two most hypocritical assholes to ever hold office and proud of it. At least others were a bit more discrete. Not exactly a secret at the DOJ, is it?!

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 18:12 | 3234867 DoneThis2Long
DoneThis2Long's picture

My Money Is On Cardinal BLANKFIEN ...

Do you mean Rabbinal, or Carbbi Blankfeinno ?!?

Tue, 02/12/2013 - 00:33 | 3235764 StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

Sinead O'Conner?


Mon, 02/11/2013 - 11:52 | 3233400 sunaJ
sunaJ's picture

The pope would like to amend his statement, that it is the health of the Catholic church that is pc ill health. When all the money is gone and all is left is debt, it is time for even more innovative the sale of indulgences, or buying family members.and yourself a place in catholic heaven (as the incredibly pretentious St. Basil's was financed).

I just can't wait to see who the conclave of gerantocracy selects as God's next mouthpiece, as they literally blow smoke.

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 12:41 | 3233638 Zap Powerz
Zap Powerz's picture

I dont understand how any body can remain catholic after all the pederastry.  If someone is a catholic and they know about the abuse of children that has been going on for probably the entire existence of the church then they are a supporter of pedophilia and I hope its their children getting abusd.  Sick fuckers.

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 14:51 | 3233953 Au Member
Au Member's picture

Peter the roman is supposed to be the last freaky-hatted boss of the luciferian freakshow in Vatican City according to some mediavel prophecy. Lets see who these cardinals choose to head up the global paedo ring


My moneys on Peter Turkson

He's got the Alpha Omega sign on his coat of arms and the Masonic Compass. War in Mali, resource grab underway by western governements in Africa now, this is too obvious. No wonder he is now favourite to win

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 15:43 | 3234317 employee1107
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He's been also calling for "global public authority” and a “central world bank". fORWARD!

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 14:17 | 3233984 mick_richfield
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I still consider myself to be an American, even though I don't approve of much that the United States does.

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 16:48 | 3234613 peter4805
peter4805's picture

My money is on a black pope. Gotta be PC these days.

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 12:28 | 3233587 A Nanny Moose
A Nanny Moose's picture

God's work indeed.

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 11:40 | 3233339 true brain
true brain's picture

The Pope is Goldman Sachs.

Banking Cartel works hand in glove with Religious Cartel to control sheeple.

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 11:52 | 3233399 Confundido
Confundido's picture

The Medici produced four Popes of the Catholic ChurchPope Leo X (1513–1521), Pope Clement VII (1523–1534), Pope Pius IV (1559–1565), and Pope Leo XI (1605)

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 17:29 | 3234739 Rusty Shorts
Rusty Shorts's picture


Mon, 02/11/2013 - 19:12 | 3235004 steve from virginia
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I thought they open up the coffin and he sits up.

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 11:58 | 3233340 francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

Fuck it... I'm taking the 28-1 parlay I won on the Ravens sweeping Den, NE, & SF & puttin' it all on Bono at 1000-1... LET IT RIDE!


Are there exacta & trifecta pools on this?

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 12:28 | 3233590 monad
monad's picture

There are enough for bingo.

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 11:55 | 3233417 otto skorzeny
otto skorzeny's picture

only "God's Chosen People" can do "God's work" of fucking non-"God's Chosen People" out of $

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 13:00 | 3233703 bernorange
bernorange's picture

"Pope has been offered a role in Goldman Sachs."

Well, he's been working for them for a while now, apparently.


Mon, 02/11/2013 - 15:02 | 3234163 Albertarocks
Albertarocks's picture

I think you have that backwards.

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 11:38 | 3233312 DoChenRollingBearing
DoChenRollingBearing's picture

Well, to be uncharitable for a moment re the Catholic fathers, my brother-in-law in Peru once told me:


"Los padres aqui SI SON padres!"

Meaning that they really ARE fathers (of children).  The pedophila scandals in Peru do not appear to be of the same scale as here in the USA.

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 11:36 | 3233314 redpill
redpill's picture

Oh the papal papality of it all!

I'd let Ratzassinger have a run at my bunghole if it meant getting rid of these annoying mobile ads on ZH.

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 11:44 | 3233359 DeadFred
DeadFred's picture

I'm not quite that desperate but I have deleted my ZH favorites link because it's not worth the MAJOR irritation. Sorry Tyler but even the faithful have our limits.

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 13:13 | 3233746 Jonas Parker
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And on the sixth day, G-d created Firefox and Ad Blocker...

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 13:56 | 3233900 redpill
redpill's picture

desktop is fine, it's the flickering mobile banners...

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 19:31 | 3235051 CPL
CPL's picture

RSS readers are your friend.

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 12:07 | 3233377 Banksters
Banksters's picture

Religion was invented when the first con man met the first fool-

Mark Twain


Religion is regarded by the common people as true, the wise as false and the rulers as useful-  Seneca


Two of my favorite quotes on Religion.

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 12:14 | 3233512 tickhound
tickhound's picture



"I am against religion because it teaches us to be satisfied with not understanding the world."

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 12:16 | 3233524 Banksters
Banksters's picture

Good one!



Mon, 02/11/2013 - 12:24 | 3233572 Zwelgje
Zwelgje's picture


Mon, 02/11/2013 - 12:18 | 3233536 azzhatter
azzhatter's picture

Since Blankfuck is doing god's work, does he get the nod as the first jewish pope

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 12:47 | 3233656 zuuma
zuuma's picture

— Any baptized Roman Catholic male is eligible for election as pope


It's settled then.

Andrew Cuomo for pope.

Considering whatnhe has done for New York, Think of what he could do to the world!



Mon, 02/11/2013 - 13:04 | 3233720 Agent P
Agent P's picture

No assault weapons and only seven round mags for the Swiss Guard...and you can forget about the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch.

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 11:30 | 3233279 Sudden Debt
Sudden Debt's picture





Mon, 02/11/2013 - 11:37 | 3233318 DoChenRollingBearing
DoChenRollingBearing's picture

It was bad enough here last time, SD, I can only IMAGINE the 24 hour coverage there in Europe...  Take a vacation!

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 11:37 | 3233320 redpill
redpill's picture

Puff of white smoke signals a decision? Colorado and Washington State approve.

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 12:24 | 3233577 Freddie
Freddie's picture

It is a shame that fat boy cop killing cop Christopher Dorner did not give a shout out to The Pope.  He gave shout outs to Charlie Sheen, Obama and other celebs.,

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 13:52 | 3233886 e_goldstein
e_goldstein's picture

Wtf is a television?

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 11:30 | 3233281 Zer0head
Zer0head's picture

We need a Pope Mario

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 12:38 | 3233628 Al Huxley
Al Huxley's picture

My thoughts exactly.

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 12:42 | 3233646 flattrader
flattrader's picture

Vote for Pedro.

Pope Pedro.

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 13:11 | 3233737 Raymond Reason
Raymond Reason's picture


Mon, 02/11/2013 - 11:31 | 3233284 Super Broccoli
Super Broccoli's picture

now we're gona learn some interesting stuff ... well in a century or two ...


could this have something to do with those recent leaks and financial scandals that did cut the Vatican out of the banking system ? :-)

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 11:35 | 3233307 Sudden Debt
Sudden Debt's picture


it's not their problem where those benefactors got it from...


Mon, 02/11/2013 - 11:37 | 3233317 Super Broccoli
Super Broccoli's picture

you're right, Mexican drug dealers ... no wait i ment " hope providers", are very catholic

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 11:47 | 3233370 DoChenRollingBearing
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Hey!  Colombians are Catholics too!

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 11:32 | 3233289 Dewey Cheatum Howe
Dewey Cheatum Howe's picture

On Feb. 28, Pope Benedict XVI will become the first pope to resign in almost 600 years. That’s not just tradition – it’s dogma. The Washington Post’s Debbi Wilgoren cited a theological expert in explaining, “Most modern popes have felt that resignation is unacceptable except in cases of an incurable or debilitating disease — that paternity, in the words of Paul IV, cannot be resigned.”

But Benedict XVI’s shocking resignation is even more curious when compared to the handful of others who have left the powerful office willingly. In the past 1000 years, only four other popes have resigned. Here are their unusual stories, which are also an indication of just how much the church has changed.

Pope Benedict IX, in 1045: At age 33 and about 10 years into his tumultuous term, the Rome-born pope resigned so that he could get married – and to collect some cash from his godfather, also Roman, who paid Benedict IX to step down so that he might replace him, according to British historian Reginald L. Poole’s definitive and much-cited history of the 11th Century .

Pope Gregory VI, in 1046: The same man who had bribed and replaced his godson ended up leaving the office himself only a year later, according to Poole’s account. The trouble began when Benedict IX failed to secure the bride he’d resigned for, leading him to change his mind and return to the Vatican. Both popes remained in the city, both claiming to rule the Catholic church, for several months. That fall, the increasingly despondent clergy called on the German Emperor Henry III, of the Holy Roman Empire, to invade Rome and remove them both. When Henry III arrived, he treated Gregory VI as the rightful pope but urged him to stand before a council of fellow church leaders. The bishops urged Gregory VI to resign for bribing his way into office. Though the fresh new pope argued that he had done nothing wrong in buying the Papacy, he stepped down anyway.

Pope Celestine V, in 1294: After only five months in office, the somber Sicilian pope formally decreed that popes now had the right to resign, which he immediately used. according to a report in the Guardian. He wrote, referring to himself in the third person, that he had resigned out of “the desire for humility, for a purer life, for a stainless conscience, the deficiencies of his own physical strength, his ignorance, the perverseness of the people, his longing for the tranquility of his former life.” He became a hermit, but two years later was dragged out of solitude by his successor, who locked him up in an Italian castle. Celestine died 10 months later.

Pope Gregory XII, in 1415: The elderly Venetian had held the office for 10 years, but he was not the only pope. For decades, the Western Schism had left Europe with two popes, one in Rome and one in the French city of Avignon, according to Britannica. The schism’s causes were political rather than theological: the pope had tremendous power over European politics, which had led its kings to become gradually more aggressive in manipulating the church’s leaders. Gregory XII resigned so that a special council in Constance, which is today a German city, could excommunicate the Avignon-based pope and start fresh with a new, single leader of the Catholic church.

Pope Benedict XVI, in 2013: Citing health reasons from old age, he announced today that he will step down on Feb. 28.

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 11:35 | 3233308 Dewey Cheatum Howe
Dewey Cheatum Howe's picture

I'm willing to bet there is more to this resignation than health issues... I'm not going to speculate on the reasons. I think like most other institutions the bodies are piling up too high to hide and the stench is too powerful to mask anymore. We shall see.

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 12:20 | 3233537 BLOTTO
BLOTTO's picture



Their is definitely more to his resignation then 'health issues.'


As Pope, your suppose to go out either kicking & screaming or the usual - dead?

Resigning as a Pope is massive just have only 1 BILLION followers around the, lets just quit?


Thats like Jesus saying, "i have nothing more to teach/say."


Mon, 02/11/2013 - 12:28 | 3233593 BandGap
BandGap's picture

We'll never know why. Not even the National Enquirer can penetrate the intelligence shroud of The Vatican.

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 12:59 | 3233692 CPL
CPL's picture

Because it takes decades of training to finish the method of loci and the Catholic church would screen out most before that happens.

Intelligence agencies have billions of dollars in hardware and googleplexes of information in them.  The method of the loci, or Loci Theologici, ensures that any of the recipents of the training have been entrained to remember, without equipment, anything they study once, see once, glance at once and perform metrics, analysis and duplication on.  Herbert modeled the Mentats in the Dune series after it, living database and computers.

It's neat stuff.  Simply put, the education system currently does not have any mechanism to offer anything remotely the same.  Most that go through the training must be taught from a very young age to prepare their minds for the training, hence Catholic schools. 

Today however Catholic school is in name sake only and only offers only a conditional nod to the original sylabus that was to create the future generation of clergy before the governments of the world stuck their noses in it

If you wish to learn the methods.  It's seven years in seminary and about twenty plus years of a career wearing the cloth. 

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 14:01 | 3233920 Oh regional Indian
Oh regional Indian's picture

Fascinating....mentat...Duncan Idaho....the dialouges are Dune that is...


Mon, 02/11/2013 - 14:58 | 3234122 CPL
CPL's picture

Neat eh? 

Weird thing is they are closest in relation to the Eastern Indian Vedic tradition of vriti.  Memory palace, quick math, photographic memory training.  The difference is in the game theory and analysis taught with it to do something with the data captured.  There are variations in similar themes in European Pagan, Judaic, Talmudic and some Muslim practices regarding the method of loci. 



Tue, 02/12/2013 - 00:03 | 3235681 Oh regional Indian
Oh regional Indian's picture

Always appreciate your in-sights CPL. :-)

And yes, the human mind with it's un-ending potential...

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 12:35 | 3233614 secret_sam
secret_sam's picture

Despite being fully recovered from my youth as a Catholic, I did always have a bit of a nauseated vibe with a Hitler Youth member in that position.

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 12:42 | 3233645 CPL
CPL's picture

He did not look well to begin with.  The guy looks like the after picture of  Emperor Palatine in Star Wars.

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 17:07 | 3234673 DoneThis2Long
DoneThis2Long's picture

Watch the next TMZ!!!

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 11:38 | 3233321 Sudden Debt
Sudden Debt's picture

I think I've seen some of those movies...

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 12:26 | 3233582 Bandit und Buster
Bandit und Buster's picture

Sounds like Celestine V had a conscience and was subsequently killed for his honesty!

Go figure!

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 13:08 | 3233732 CPL
CPL's picture

He was the accidental pope after Nicholas the Fourth, who was a complete and total dirt bag.  Francisian monk, liked money, hookers and some 'odd' things (there is weird, then there is Nicholas the IVth weird.).  But since he kicked the bucket and all the church dirt bags he hung around with died from plague (maybe from him, who knows).

He was the only geniune good and saintly one out of all of them.  The entire Catholic order made his life a living hell for the year or so he was in.

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 13:17 | 3233755 Raymond Reason
Raymond Reason's picture

St. Malachy, an uncannily accurate prophet of the 11 century, predicted therre would be 112 Popes until the end of times.  Pope Benedict is #111.  Our parasite infection will soon be solved, among other things.  ;)

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 13:39 | 3233838 CPL
CPL's picture

Yes he did.  His hit rate is somewhere in the order of 98.4% or 96.3% of revelation completion.  His order of events is sometimes a bit off, but he's on the money and holy shit was he prolific.

He would get drunk and start to scribe about technology, people, animals, popes, everything.  En Vino Veritas I suppose.  Nostrodamus was a twink in comparison.

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 13:56 | 3233901 Raymond Reason
Raymond Reason's picture

This is a great website.  Leading edge. Just texted my Catholic friends, and shocked them. 

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 15:00 | 3234160 CPL
CPL's picture

Welcome to Zero hedge Brother.  I promise there is always something interesting happening and something to piss you off all at the same time.

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 11:33 | 3233296 lizzy36
lizzy36's picture

Whoever bonked the most kids wins.....?

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 11:52 | 3233381 otto skorzeny
otto skorzeny's picture

for a bunch of guys on ZH that claim to hate the Jew Stream Media everybody falls for their bullshit on the Catholic Church hook line and sinker. there is a much greater ratio of child molesters in the public school system that brainwashes your children but the payout is not as great w/ the Catholic Church.

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 12:18 | 3233538 Buckaroo Banzai
Buckaroo Banzai's picture

The other little secret that the media fails to mention is, it's homosexuals in the Church that are responsible for the vast majority of child molestation cases. Somehow, the heterosexual priests seem to be able to keep their pants zippered, and their hands to themselves.

But those facts don't fit the narrative, so you don't get to read that part of the story.

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 12:22 | 3233540 redpill
redpill's picture

Child molesters in general society don't strut around in fancy garb pretending to be a gateway to God and telling people how to live. It's the dark rotting stench of ultimate hypocrisy that fuels the perception.

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 12:24 | 3233571 Buckaroo Banzai
Buckaroo Banzai's picture

So you are saying, it is better to wallow in sin, then actually try to rise above it, and fail?

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 12:33 | 3233605 redpill
redpill's picture

Living in hypocrisy is not trying to overcome it, it's flaunting it.

Any priest that resigns on the grounds that he can't help himself from abusing his power to gain sexual access to children is at least worth some shred of respect for acknowledging their own failure, compared to those that continue on and pretend their periodic confession wipes away the life long damage they repeatedly inflict on innocents. It's inexcusable.

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 16:42 | 3234588 Buckaroo Banzai
Buckaroo Banzai's picture

So you are suggesting that the hypocrisy is worse than the sexual abuse of children?

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 17:44 | 3234791 redpill
redpill's picture

No I'm not.  Have you stopped beating your wife?

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 12:26 | 3233579 a growing concern
a growing concern's picture

Yeah let's just excuse their pederasty because, after all, they're doing God's Work (TM).

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 12:37 | 3233623 redpill
redpill's picture


Mon, 02/11/2013 - 15:22 | 3234243 Raymond Reason
Raymond Reason's picture

Same thing with the "secretive" Vatican bank.  Constantly being reported by mainstream of suspicion and investigation of international money laundering and shady deals.  JP Morgan cut them off, because they weren't complying with transparency laws!  Vatican bank didn't fail or need bailing out during the crisis.  Where's the Goldman investigation?  

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 11:33 | 3233299 Shizzmoney
Shizzmoney's picture

Please pick the black guy

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 11:38 | 3233325 Super Broccoli
Super Broccoli's picture

no you guys already elected a black american pope twice !

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 11:48 | 3233379 bank guy in Brussels
bank guy in Brussels's picture

With a new possible pope from Nigeria as among the top leading candidates

One can imagine the e-mails that will start to arrive

How the pope's brother-in-law needs your help transferring some funds internationally ...

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 12:11 | 3233498 Shizzmoney
Shizzmoney's picture

Imagine the new black pope picking Peter as a name; bullish on conspiracy and anti-christ websites!

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 12:27 | 3233585 redpill
redpill's picture

He says he's from Nigeria but word has it his Nigerian mother got impregnated by a Chicago politician and he was actually born at U of C Medical Center. Oh we'll he has a Nigerian birth certificate supposedly.

In any case, drones should be patrolling the Vatican soon.

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 14:58 | 3234152 DoneThis2Long
DoneThis2Long's picture

LOL ... But will it be a forged Nigerian certificate? And will he be Nigerian enough?

Perhaps the Vatican is selling assets too ?!?

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 11:35 | 3233300 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

So explain to me how the right hand of God here on Earth, the Pope, does not have the strength to continue to be the right hand of God here on Earth.

Or does this perhaps have anything to do with the growing scandal involving the Dear Pope and buggery of boys by various others who reported to him when he was not the right hand of God on Earth?

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 11:39 | 3233331 Super Broccoli
Super Broccoli's picture

wait didn't the SS pretend "god mit uns" ????

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 12:20 | 3233552 Buckaroo Banzai
Buckaroo Banzai's picture

Anybody bother to consider that he might have Alzheimers, or some similar age-related mental problem? He is 85 years old, after all.

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 14:41 | 3234067 TPTB_r_TBTF
TPTB_r_TBTF's picture

I considered years ago,

that he might have a mental problem.

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 14:48 | 3234104 ZeroAvatar
ZeroAvatar's picture

Speaking of age-related mental illness, Pelosi and Feinstink are  about due for evaluations.

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 11:34 | 3233302 eaglerock
eaglerock's picture

I'll go with Cardinal Francis Arinze at 7-2.  He generally plays well at Vatican away games and matches up well against the cardinal defense. 

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 11:34 | 3233303 mickeyman
mickeyman's picture

Why don't they go for a Mome this time?

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 11:34 | 3233304 Paul Bogdanich
Paul Bogdanich's picture

"Perhaps most surprisingly, in the Paddy Power Pope Prediction list which has already been compiled for the degenerate gamblers out there, we have yet to find a former Goldmanite in the list of likely successors."

A left handed way of saying that even for Goldman Sachs getting a non-Catholic, or a person who behaves as one, elected Pope is a bridge too far.


Mon, 02/11/2013 - 12:18 | 3233542 DeadFred
DeadFred's picture

Historically speaking someone who behaves as a non--Catholic has almost been a prerequisite.  I have a fair bit of respect for Catholics but as with some other systems meant to remove the less savory aspects of life, the stuff that rises to the top is not always the best.

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 11:36 | 3233315 Herdee
Herdee's picture

And the Vatican will give back all the stolen gold looted from native tribes...

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 11:50 | 3233387 otto skorzeny
otto skorzeny's picture

as soon as you turn over the little patch of land that your cardboard box occupies to the natives

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 11:36 | 3233316 skydrake
skydrake's picture

Cardinal Carlo Maria Martini (150/1) is dead

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 11:39 | 3233327 AngryGerman
AngryGerman's picture

doesn't matter, they are quite good in the resurrection business...

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 11:38 | 3233324 Quinvarius
Quinvarius's picture

I don't see Obama or Hillary on that list.

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 11:39 | 3233332 AngryGerman
AngryGerman's picture

you must be male to be obama does not have a chance...but hilldog might

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 11:50 | 3233388 DoChenRollingBearing
DoChenRollingBearing's picture

LOL!  That's good!

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 11:54 | 3233414 bank guy in Brussels
bank guy in Brussels's picture

Former UK prime minister Tony Blair, he converted to being Roman Catholic after leaving office, and he has worked for the major banks 'consulting' for millions

He is thus 'qualified' ... And Blair is said to like young boys too ...

Blair was visiting the US White House when Bush had the gay prostitute 'MilitaryStud' Gannon - Guckert visiting late

And then there was when Blair and George Bush had their joking talk about going to the 'Gay Bar' ...

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 11:40 | 3233336 fuu
fuu's picture

Off to Disney Land?

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 11:41 | 3233342 Kaiser Sousa
Kaiser Sousa's picture

man can we ditch the pope poop...

the catholic church's history is dirtier than Pig Pen....

fuck the mother fucking Pope, man.....

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 11:43 | 3233357 Super Broccoli
Super Broccoli's picture

you're right ! it's about time we know if he poops in the woods !

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 11:41 | 3233344 Commander Cody
Commander Cody's picture

Bono at 1000/1?  Maybe I'll take it.  What with all other kinds of crap going down, who knows?

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 14:24 | 3234007 mick_richfield
mick_richfield's picture

Bono the singer?

I thought he died in a skiing accident some years ago.

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 11:42 | 3233347 gmcniff
gmcniff's picture

Benedict is a very holy man who has made a very tough decision.  If only our politicans took note of how to put the greater good above themselves.  

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 11:51 | 3233392 otto skorzeny
otto skorzeny's picture

good to see not everyone on this site is a heathen soddomite

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 11:53 | 3233408 Banksters
Banksters's picture

You know why they call it the holey bible don't you?



Mon, 02/11/2013 - 11:56 | 3233421 dick cheneys ghost
dick cheneys ghost's picture

cause 'fuck you' was already taken?

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 12:03 | 3233456 bank guy in Brussels
bank guy in Brussels's picture

The Bible is a very difficult book

Many beautiful things in it ... and some horrifyingly ugly things

The worst being the genocides supposedly 'ordered by God' ... with God supposedly 'ordering' the Jews to kill men, women, children, babies and animals ... Ordered to leave nothing left alive breathing in their massacres in Palestine, supposedly according to the God of Israel

And those Bible passages now helping crazy Israelis to justify murdering Palestinians today

Those passages are tough to explain away ... for those of us who believe in God and like the anarchist Jew Jesus, it is a persistent difficult question, re identifying at all with the Judaeo-Christian tradition

Maybe the ancient Israelites got it very wrong, and told false stories about God, to cover their past crimes of murdering children

Bible books of Numbers, Deuteronomy, Joshua and Judges

As for example discussed here:

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 16:17 | 3234490 Raymond Reason
Raymond Reason's picture

It is tough to understand, and that is why most must take it on faith.  But for those who must have rational explanations, they are there, but they are not presented on a silver platter. 

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 12:03 | 3233453 LFMayor
LFMayor's picture

yeah, holy man.  Waffen SS member, too.  Oh, yeah, he did that when he was young, it was just a youth organization, you know, camping out, things like that.

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 12:15 | 3233521 Seb
Seb's picture

You are confusing Hitlerjugend with Waffen SS.

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 11:43 | 3233354 Super Broccoli
Super Broccoli's picture

hey i'm looking for a new high payed job under the sun, can i apply to this ? where do i send my resume ? ?

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 11:49 | 3233365 shovelhead
shovelhead's picture

Bono 1000/1?

Just as well.

I'd hate to see him sing 'Il Nomine Patre' instead of 'In the Name of Love'.

But the tinted glasses would be very Fr. Guido Sarducci.


Dominic Go Friskem.

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 11:47 | 3233369 lizzy36
lizzy36's picture

The French Cardinal Cardinal ftmfw ;)

Coming from Quebec he will make a perfect EURO.

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 11:52 | 3233397 shovelhead
shovelhead's picture

And you will be able to smoke in Church again.

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 12:08 | 3233477 bank guy in Brussels
bank guy in Brussels's picture

From the US dissident and now EU citizen, who barely escaped alive out of the US ... all his websites blocked from Google search

Americans Murdering Their Judges, and the US Crisis of Judicial Corruption

Live Photo: Google Inc. Caught Censoring EU Search Results on US court corruption (for USA - CIA)
Google Internet Censorship - Censure d'Internet par Google - Internet censuur door Google

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 13:09 | 3233731 Bandit und Buster
Bandit und Buster's picture

Bank guy,

Thanks for that link!  Have experienced this first hand!  Too Few realize the truth of this article!

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 11:47 | 3233372 derek_vineyard
derek_vineyard's picture

isnt it time for a gay female of color pope?

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 11:55 | 3233420 Anglo Hondo
Anglo Hondo's picture

As in "I've seen God, and She's Black!"


Mon, 02/11/2013 - 14:40 | 3234061 are we there yet
are we there yet's picture

So does she have big boobs and is she hot? Hotter than Athena? I love double D broads that are goddesses. / male Oink Ouik off

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 13:31 | 3233809 supermaxedout
supermaxedout's picture

good point. Under normal circumstances a colored pope from South America or Africa would be logical. But now the church is under extreme pressure from many sides. So it is going to be an Italian. A pope one has to count in. A tough, highly political pope ready to take the gloves off.

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 11:47 | 3233373 TrumpXVI
TrumpXVI's picture

Okay, so the next Pope will be former Goldman Sachs.  This is starting to make more and more sense.  According to the prophesies of St. Malachy, the next Pope will be the last one and a very special Pope.  He'll be the Pope who ushers in the end of the Catholic Church and the End Times.

This shit just keeps getting better and better. 

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 12:52 | 3233671 Randall Cabot
Randall Cabot's picture

The Last Pope, 9 minutes, very interesting:

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 11:49 | 3233382 Sudden Debt
Sudden Debt's picture


Mon, 02/11/2013 - 11:50 | 3233383 The Gold Theory
The Gold Theory's picture

According to the prophecy of the Popes the next Pope will be the final pope; "Peter the Roman, who will nourish the sheep in many tribulations; when they are finished, the city of seven hills will be destroyed, and the dreadful judge will judge his people. The end."

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 13:23 | 3233778 Jonas Parker
Jonas Parker's picture

According to prophecy, and also predicted by Pope John Paul II, the next pope will be in league with the anti-christ.

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 11:55 | 3233405 ugmug
ugmug's picture

The Vatican will now be able to select Barack Obama as the next Pope since he was so worthy of his Nobel Prize.

Obama's first directive as Pope will be to construct the first ever Pope Golf Cartmobile.....

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 11:53 | 3233406 Anglo Hondo
Anglo Hondo's picture

The Cardinals should just choose someone who is already "Doing God's Work".


Job done.


Mon, 02/11/2013 - 12:01 | 3233426 gwar5
gwar5's picture

I still remember the Pope who got white smoke around 1980 and dropped after a month, like the USSR guy around the same time.


Pope Benedict was a place holder after John Paul, can't believe there's no front runners or good candidates in the time they've had to think about this. When you pick  75 year old Popes you better have a deep bench.


 A Goldman Sachs alum as the new Pope would sure help quiet the masses.




Mon, 02/11/2013 - 17:36 | 3234754 optimator
optimator's picture

Um, I don't think he'll be from Goldman, I can't think of anyone influential at Goldman that can meet the #1 qualification requirement.

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 11:58 | 3233432 jmcadg
jmcadg's picture

'Paddy Power gives the odds of Cardinal Carlo Maria Martini becoming pope at 200/1. Only problem: Cardinal Carlo Maria Martini is dead.'

He's now 150/1. Has he risen from the grave?

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 11:58 | 3233434 Falconsixone
Falconsixone's picture

He should have given away all the gold first and spilled all the lies in detail.

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 12:02 | 3233449 My Days Are Get...
My Days Are Getting Fewer's picture

The Pope quites on the eve of the G-20 Currency War conference.  An Austrialian newspaper stated that the Pope was a horrible administrator.

The butler steals confidential papers and gives them to a journalist, claiming at trial, that the Pope was uninformed and needed to have this bad stuff brought to his attention.  The Butler was convicted and then pardoned by the Pope.

Popes just don't un-Pope themselves for without a very compelling reason. Old age or infirmity beset many a Pope in the last 600 years - they all toughed it out until the grave.

Perhaps some Vatican gold has gone missing?

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 12:05 | 3233461 IridiumRebel
IridiumRebel's picture

They get a new Pope and we continue to not give a article.

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