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The Pope Quits: Now What?

Tyler Durden's picture


While Dan Brown fans are intimately familiar with the details of Conclave, there are those who have not studied Robert Langdon's every clue-busting eureka moment under a microscope. For them, the AP has this handy step-by-step guide for how a new pope is chosen. Traditionally, this flowchart if followed upon the death of the Pontiff, but following today's first papal resignation since 1415, it is time to apply a little of the "New Normal" to the Catholic church as well. The only unknown after reading the below flowchart should be how Diebold will rig the Cardinal vote so that a Goldman partner is elected.

From AP:

Electing a pope: conclave, oath, chimney smoke


Pope Benedict XVI's resignation sets in motion a complex sequence of events to elect the next leader of the Roman Catholic Church. The laws governing the selection are the same as those in force after a papal death. Here is the procedure:


— The Vatican summons a conclave of cardinals that must begin 15-20 days after Benedict's Feb. 28 resignation.


— Cardinals eligible to vote — those under age 80 — are sequestered within Vatican City and take an oath of secrecy.


— Any baptized Roman Catholic male is eligible for election as pope, but only cardinals have been selected since 1378.


— Two ballots held each morning and two each afternoon in the Sistine Chapel. A two-thirds majority is required. Benedict in 2007 reverted back to this two-thirds majority rule, reversing a 1996 decision by Pope John Paul II, who had decreed that a simple majority could be invoked after about 12 days of inconclusive voting.


— Ballots are burned after each round. Black smoke means no decision; white smoke signals that cardinals have chosen pope and he has accepted. Bells also signal the election of a pope to help avoid possible confusion over color of smoke coming from chimney of the Sistine Chapel.


— The new pope is introduced from the loggia overlooking St. Peter's Square with the words "Habemus Papam!" (Latin for "We have a pope!") and he imparts his first blessing.

* * *

Perhaps most surprisingly, in the Paddy Power Pope Prediction list which has already been compiled for the degenerate gamblers out there, we have yet to find a former Goldmanite in the list of likely successors. What is certainly ironic, and shows the transcendence of Hopium in the New Normal, is that Paddy Power gives the odds of Cardinal Carlo Maria Martini becoming pope at 200/1. Only problem: Cardinal Carlo Maria Martini is dead.

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Mon, 02/11/2013 - 11:30 | 3233278 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

Pope quits *due to pedophilia shitstorm*....there finished it.

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 11:33 | 3233288 Sudden Debt
Sudden Debt's picture

The Pope decided to step down because his quest for the HOLY GLORY HOLE turned out to be... not so holy... at all...

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 11:34 | 3233305 doomandbloom
doomandbloom's picture

Pope has been offered a role in Goldman Sachs.

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 11:40 | 3233335 Almost Solvent
Almost Solvent's picture

Now that would be interesting.

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 11:50 | 3233386 Confundido
Confundido's picture

Didn't the Medici put a pope? What would make a Goldmanite as pope so extraordinary?

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 11:50 | 3233390 Stackers
Stackers's picture

I'm all in on Pope Bono the 1st

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 12:10 | 3233496 kralizec
kralizec's picture

What?  Where's that scary-assed bald bitch?  Makes as much sense...

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 12:13 | 3233507 Manthong
Manthong's picture

Hmm.. hasn't Blankfein been lobbying for the job with all that "God's Work" hype? 

Tue, 02/12/2013 - 01:14 | 3235857 phyuckyiu
phyuckyiu's picture

St. Malachy FTW anyone?

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 12:13 | 3233508 BaBaBouy
BaBaBouy's picture

My Money Is On Cardinal BLANKFIEN ...

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 12:14 | 3233513 Manthong
Manthong's picture

LOL.. great minds and all that..

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 12:38 | 3233626 caconhma
caconhma's picture

After having a half-black US president, it is time for a black Pope.

Let all white believers kiss his ass.


Mon, 02/11/2013 - 12:55 | 3233684 dracos_ghost
dracos_ghost's picture

F&*k that, so last year,Berlusconi as Pope Bunga Bunga I. The ECB/EU would love it and more Catholics would come back to the church.

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 15:48 | 3234342 Chupacabra-322
Chupacabra-322's picture

Bushes, Walkers, bankers and Nazis—and the Vatican

The Jesuits: Stoneyhurst College is known as a “Catholic” institution with a primarily Jesuit influence; the college boasts of its association with the Society of Jesus.  The Society of Jesus, or the “Jesuits,”  proclaims its “service” to the Vatican and to mankind by “assisting the downtrodden through education.” [44]

Further investigation reveals that the Pope is covertly controlled by the Superior General of the Society of Jesus, Peter Hans Kolvenbach—the Black Pope. The General Curia (administrative offices where Jesuit business is conducted) is located in “Rome,” more specifically, within the Vatican.

Following the dictates of Ignatius Loyola’s “25 Sessions” and the leadership of the Superior General, the ultimate goal of this secret organization is to “destroy and rebuild the Temple of Solomon, reestablishing the seat of the Pope in Israel.”

Historically, the Jesuit mission has been to eliminate Protestant Christianity throughout the world, with the United States being the last frontier to be conquered. Contrary to the self-proclaimed mission to educate and assist the underprivileged in society, the Jesuits actually worship Lucifer (not Satan) and practice the most sadistic forms of human sacrifice, homosexuality, pedophilia, black magic, and murder.

The Society employs a variety of ruthless tactics to accomplish its long-term goal (of a New World Order which pays homage to their Black Pope). One is carrying out political assassinations of world leaders who refuse to comply with its demands. These assassinations in the U.S. have included presidents (Abraham Lincoln, JFK), cabinet members, congressmen, senators, diplomats, journalists, scientists and religious and business leaders.

For purposes of obfuscation and maintaining a spirit of compliance, the Society of Jesus employs (and finances) the services of the NSA, DHS, FEMA, OSS, ONI, FBI, CIA, DIA, DEA, the Pentagon, the Department of Defense, NASA, the Federal Reserve, the Internal Revenue Service, the Congress, and other Federal agencies as deemed necessary.

Foreign military and intelligence agencies under their control include the German SS, Deutsche Verteidigungs Dienst (underground Abwehr/DVD), the British MI6 and MI5, the Israeli Mossad, NATO, Interpol, the KGB, the Chilean DINA, and even the United Nations, to name a few.

Assassinations are carried out by the aforementioned intelligence agencies and their Mafia partners in the drug and gambling trades, often with collateral assistance from the Knights of Malta, the Freemasons, the Knights of Columbus, and Propaganda Due (

P2 ). Such was the case in the assassination of President John F. Kennedy and some former Popes.

Political leaders, whether duly elected or corruptly appointed, are replaced by dictatorships favorable to the Society. Those governments with concordats are allowed to subsist without threat of war, though that policy often changes when revolutionary movements begin to receive international recognition. Often, the simple refusal to allow the Society to reap the profits of the illegal drug trade is enough to spark a civil war or a clandestine paramilitary incursion.

The Society considers declaring one’s individual sovereignty, freedom of speech, freedom of religion, and civil rights to be anathema to its doctrine while seeking to crush Protestant Christianity, the basis for the creation of the United States. The dismantling of the U.S. government is the key to their ultimate success in the creation of a New World Order.

GHW was obviously recruited to assist the Jesuits with their long-range plans and, as a result, he (and those with whom he did business) profited immensely from his cooperation in the Jesuits’ plans.

Remote control of the Jesuit apparatus is maintained through the establishment of banks, churches, foundations, and institutes of “higher education” in foreign countries. Fordham University, a Jesuit institution, controls the Vatican’s top official in the U.S., John Cardinal O’Connor, Archbishop of New York (at St. Patrick’s Cathedral).


Mon, 02/11/2013 - 16:26 | 3234534 Au Member
Au Member's picture

I was at Stonyhurst college a few years back, the staff there told me Prescott Bush went to the school in the early 20th century, big paedo scandal there a few decades back. Military guy I was at the college with told me that you don't fuck with the jesuits.

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 18:20 | 3234890 DoneThis2Long
DoneThis2Long's picture

Let all white believers kiss his ass.

isn't that the message he delivers virtually every single day, every single speech, every single directive, with that POS sholder along side him???

IMO, the two most hypocritical assholes to ever hold office and proud of it. At least others were a bit more discrete. Not exactly a secret at the DOJ, is it?!

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 18:12 | 3234867 DoneThis2Long
DoneThis2Long's picture

My Money Is On Cardinal BLANKFIEN ...

Do you mean Rabbinal, or Carbbi Blankfeinno ?!?

Tue, 02/12/2013 - 00:33 | 3235764 StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

Sinead O'Conner?


Mon, 02/11/2013 - 11:52 | 3233400 sunaJ
sunaJ's picture

The pope would like to amend his statement, that it is the health of the Catholic church that is pc ill health. When all the money is gone and all is left is debt, it is time for even more innovative financing...like the sale of indulgences, or buying family members.and yourself a place in catholic heaven (as the incredibly pretentious St. Basil's was financed).

I just can't wait to see who the conclave of gerantocracy selects as God's next mouthpiece, as they literally blow smoke.

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 12:41 | 3233638 Zap Powerz
Zap Powerz's picture

I dont understand how any body can remain catholic after all the pederastry.  If someone is a catholic and they know about the abuse of children that has been going on for probably the entire existence of the church then they are a supporter of pedophilia and I hope its their children getting abusd.  Sick fuckers.

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 14:51 | 3233953 Au Member
Au Member's picture

Peter the roman is supposed to be the last freaky-hatted boss of the luciferian freakshow in Vatican City according to some mediavel prophecy. Lets see who these cardinals choose to head up the global paedo ring




My moneys on Peter Turkson

He's got the Alpha Omega sign on his coat of arms and the Masonic Compass. War in Mali, resource grab underway by western governements in Africa now, this is too obvious. No wonder he is now favourite to win



Mon, 02/11/2013 - 15:43 | 3234317 employee1107
employee1107's picture

He's been also calling for "global public authority” and a “central world bank". fORWARD!

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 14:17 | 3233984 mick_richfield
mick_richfield's picture

I still consider myself to be an American, even though I don't approve of much that the United States does.

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 16:48 | 3234613 peter4805
peter4805's picture

My money is on a black pope. Gotta be PC these days.

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 12:28 | 3233587 A Nanny Moose
A Nanny Moose's picture

God's work indeed.

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 11:40 | 3233339 true brain
true brain's picture

The Pope is Goldman Sachs.

Banking Cartel works hand in glove with Religious Cartel to control sheeple.

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 11:52 | 3233399 Confundido
Confundido's picture

The Medici produced four Popes of the Catholic ChurchPope Leo X (1513–1521), Pope Clement VII (1523–1534), Pope Pius IV (1559–1565), and Pope Leo XI (1605)

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 17:29 | 3234739 Rusty Shorts
Rusty Shorts's picture



Mon, 02/11/2013 - 19:12 | 3235004 steve from virginia
steve from virginia's picture







I thought they open up the coffin and he sits up.

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 11:58 | 3233340 francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

Fuck it... I'm taking the 28-1 parlay I won on the Ravens sweeping Den, NE, & SF & puttin' it all on Bono at 1000-1... LET IT RIDE!


Are there exacta & trifecta pools on this?

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 12:28 | 3233590 monad
monad's picture

There are enough for bingo.

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 11:55 | 3233417 otto skorzeny
otto skorzeny's picture

only "God's Chosen People" can do "God's work" of fucking non-"God's Chosen People" out of $

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 13:00 | 3233703 bernorange
bernorange's picture

"Pope has been offered a role in Goldman Sachs."

Well, he's been working for them for a while now, apparently.


Mon, 02/11/2013 - 15:02 | 3234163 Albertarocks
Albertarocks's picture

I think you have that backwards.


Mon, 02/11/2013 - 11:38 | 3233312 DoChenRollingBearing
DoChenRollingBearing's picture

Well, to be uncharitable for a moment re the Catholic fathers, my brother-in-law in Peru once told me:


"Los padres aqui SI SON padres!"

Meaning that they really ARE fathers (of children).  The pedophila scandals in Peru do not appear to be of the same scale as here in the USA.

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 11:36 | 3233314 redpill
redpill's picture

Oh the papal papality of it all!

I'd let Ratzassinger have a run at my bunghole if it meant getting rid of these annoying mobile ads on ZH.

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 11:44 | 3233359 DeadFred
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I'm not quite that desperate but I have deleted my ZH favorites link because it's not worth the MAJOR irritation. Sorry Tyler but even the faithful have our limits.

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 13:13 | 3233746 Jonas Parker
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And on the sixth day, G-d created Firefox and Ad Blocker...

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 13:56 | 3233900 redpill
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desktop is fine, it's the flickering mobile banners...

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 19:31 | 3235051 CPL
CPL's picture

RSS readers are your friend.

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 12:07 | 3233377 Banksters
Banksters's picture

Religion was invented when the first con man met the first fool-

Mark Twain


Religion is regarded by the common people as true, the wise as false and the rulers as useful-  Seneca


Two of my favorite quotes on Religion.

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 12:14 | 3233512 tickhound
tickhound's picture



"I am against religion because it teaches us to be satisfied with not understanding the world."

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 12:16 | 3233524 Banksters
Banksters's picture

Good one!



Mon, 02/11/2013 - 12:24 | 3233572 Zwelgje
Zwelgje's picture


Mon, 02/11/2013 - 12:18 | 3233536 azzhatter
azzhatter's picture

Since Blankfuck is doing god's work, does he get the nod as the first jewish pope

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 12:47 | 3233656 zuuma
zuuma's picture

— Any baptized Roman Catholic male is eligible for election as pope


It's settled then.

Andrew Cuomo for pope.

Considering whatnhe has done for New York, Think of what he could do to the world!



Mon, 02/11/2013 - 13:04 | 3233720 Agent P
Agent P's picture

No assault weapons and only seven round mags for the Swiss Guard...and you can forget about the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch.

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 11:30 | 3233279 Sudden Debt
Sudden Debt's picture





Mon, 02/11/2013 - 11:37 | 3233318 DoChenRollingBearing
DoChenRollingBearing's picture

It was bad enough here last time, SD, I can only IMAGINE the 24 hour coverage there in Europe...  Take a vacation!

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 11:37 | 3233320 redpill
redpill's picture

Puff of white smoke signals a decision? Colorado and Washington State approve.

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