• Tim Knight from...
    04/28/2016 - 00:27
    I was expecting a few boring candidate statements of the U.S. Senate - AKA the World's Most Exclusive Club - but, boy, was I wrong. Just take a look at some of these gems.
  • Tim Knight from...
    04/28/2016 - 00:27
    I was expecting a few boring candidate statements of the U.S. Senate - AKA the World's Most Exclusive Club - but, boy, was I wrong. Just take a look at some of these gems.

And Summarizing It All...

Tyler Durden's picture


... the surreal, spectacular farce of it all, is of course The Onion

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Tue, 02/12/2013 - 23:25 | 3239318 MiguelitoRaton
MiguelitoRaton's picture

aren't we "entitled" to better?

Tue, 02/12/2013 - 23:38 | 3239368 idea_hamster
idea_hamster's picture

"Everyone got the war they deserved."  -- Jean-Paul Sartre, on the French experience under Nazi occupation

Wed, 02/13/2013 - 00:57 | 3239561 redpill
redpill's picture

I guess the Onion has finally wrapped around the satire spectrum and is back to cold hard truth.

Wed, 02/13/2013 - 01:17 | 3239584 bonzo112358
bonzo112358's picture

Bingo.  This concept of entitlement starts at a young age.  I've taught high school for 13 years now and every year students come in with this idea that they deserve a higher grade because they have a pulse.  For some of these students (thankfully not the majority yet) the concept of earning a good grade seems alien to them.

Wed, 02/13/2013 - 11:11 | 3240236 dogbreath
dogbreath's picture

Introduce them to the red pill and that there is no free lunch.






Tue, 02/12/2013 - 23:26 | 3239324 YBNguy
YBNguy's picture

Bankers deserve better. The muppets and sheep, not so much. /POTUS

Wed, 02/13/2013 - 01:01 | 3239568 BLOTTO
BLOTTO's picture

Bankers, Sheep, Muppets, Royal Blue bloods, Elite, Trolls, Shills, Zombies, and Conspiracy Theorists...and some of you tell me it aint an occult shit show

Wed, 02/13/2013 - 13:00 | 3240481 Dealyer Turdin
Dealyer Turdin's picture

And the resistance is guided by weasel lips too.


Tue, 02/12/2013 - 23:27 | 3239331 shutdown
shutdown's picture

The American way of life is not negotiable.

The descent into darkness isn't negotiable, either. 

Tue, 02/12/2013 - 23:29 | 3239339 rhinoblitzing
rhinoblitzing's picture

The American Way of Life is not Recognizable...

There fixed it 4 ya...


Tue, 02/12/2013 - 23:31 | 3239348 Manipuflation
Manipuflation's picture

How about incineration?

"Before the fire, SWAT officers had been firing tear gas inside the cabin as part of a "tactical operation." No gunfire has been heard since the structure went up in flames shortly after 4 p.m. PT. It was still burning 90 minutes later, and authorities made no attempt to extinguish the flames.

"We won't allow them (firefighters) to get close to the cabin,'' said Cindy Bachman, spokeswoman for the San Bernardino County Sheriff's Department. "It's just not safe.''

At an afternoon news conference after the gun fight and shortly before the cabin began burning, Smith called on Dorner to surrender.

"Enough is enough. It's time to turn yourself in," Smith said, addressing Dorner via television cameras. "It's time to end the bloodshed."

The Los Angeles police chief called Dorner "a domestic terrorist," and a $1 million reward, from public and private sources, was offered. Police had received more than 1,000 tips by Monday."


Tue, 02/12/2013 - 23:45 | 3239408 Chupacabra-322
Chupacabra-322's picture

It's the Criminal standard operating procedure.  Cut the live TV feed and Burst the crime scene into flames ala Ruby Ridge, Waco and now.

Tue, 02/12/2013 - 23:55 | 3239437 Manipuflation
Manipuflation's picture

Precisely stated Sir.  In complete coincidence with sotu of course.

Wed, 02/13/2013 - 01:49 | 3239617 Rusty Shorts
Rusty Shorts's picture

exactly! caught on scanner.


Wed, 02/13/2013 - 09:36 | 3239950 spanish inquisition
spanish inquisition's picture

Wow.. I guess you do not need a drone strike. Just some cops yelling "Burn the fucker down"  and a couple of matches and you are good to go. (Edit : I guess Dorner was wrong on all that corruption stuff /sarc)

Wed, 02/13/2013 - 08:20 | 3239826 lakecity55
lakecity55's picture

I actually started a fire with one years back.

They could have used patience and waited him out.

No power or water.

Tactics used show they did not want a suspect captured for trial.

Just like Waco, no 6th Amendment rights.

Too much dirt would have come out. This nigga had to die by the Man.

Wed, 02/13/2013 - 09:08 | 3239908 jwoop66
jwoop66's picture

I heard someone in the media discuss this before it happened.  They called it just like it happened, except the fire.  I was thinking - why not just shoot something in there that puts his ass out.  I know the russians used some knockout gas in that theater 15 or 20 years ago.  Yeah, it killed half the people, but I'm sure this guy would have survived.  Just goes to show, they did want him dead and they wanted to destroy the evidence.  Although, I am hesitant to attribute too much to intelligence(smarts) where the LAPD is concerned.

Wed, 02/13/2013 - 09:10 | 3239915 jwoop66
jwoop66's picture

Dont get me wrong.  Good fucking riddance to this clown, but I'm sure that if taken alive he would have had a WHOLE lot to say about a whole lot of folks. 

Coulda been a great reality show!

Wed, 02/13/2013 - 09:06 | 3239904 Pemaquid
Pemaquid's picture

The alternative? Long drawn out court proceedings followed by incarceration at what cost? Sad to say but we are better off when things end this way.

Tue, 02/12/2013 - 23:41 | 3239392 hannah
hannah's picture

...once he got trapped in the cabin, you had to know the place would burn up destroying everything. seems those tear gas cans are really just fire starters.


the first martyr of the new republic.....

Tue, 02/12/2013 - 23:43 | 3239399 Cabreado
Cabreado's picture

"Deserve" is subjective.  Ambiguous too.

False leadership is cut and dried, as the mission has always been clear.

Discussions that neglect false leadership, by simple logic alone, break down into self-serving bullshit before they get out of the gate.

Wed, 02/13/2013 - 00:00 | 3239465 Manipuflation
Manipuflation's picture

I will plus you on that Cab as I see what you are saying, but I would like to remind you that the source was The Onion.

Tue, 02/12/2013 - 23:55 | 3239440 Stuart
Stuart's picture

They voted for him, twice.   Amazing.  The ship is sinking, the captain is fiddling and this is all going to end badly. 

Wed, 02/13/2013 - 00:03 | 3239474 Totentänzerlied
Totentänzerlied's picture

"They voted for him, twice."


Wed, 02/13/2013 - 00:14 | 3239494 Manipuflation
Manipuflation's picture

In American federal politics, it really does not matter who the plebes vote for because both parties are funded by the TBTF banks.  It's even that way in state level politics.  You watch who pays/bribes and you know who your sugardaddy is/are.  I was a Treasurer in one of the parties so I have a grasp in how campaign contributions actually work.  Strawman gun purchases are bad?  How about strawman political campaign contributions? 

The general election is mostly pointless because the candidates were chosen well ahead of the general election so you end up having no real choice.  That is why I caucus.

Wed, 02/13/2013 - 00:40 | 3239537 Tijuana Donkey Show
Tijuana Donkey Show's picture

It's like two puppets, and one person has a hand up the ass of both sides. It brings a new visual to "fist full of dollars."

Wed, 02/13/2013 - 02:13 | 3239637 Tapeworm
Tapeworm's picture

@ Manipuflation

The elevation of Shrubco proves your thesis beyond any argument against.

Wed, 02/13/2013 - 00:19 | 3239504 samsara
samsara's picture

"Deserves have nothing to do with it"

Will Munny

Wed, 02/13/2013 - 00:55 | 3239554 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Some wild entertainment tonight. We got to watch a Hollywood production shoot out ending with a man burned alive followed by a one hour comedy show. Man I love this piece of shit country. Now if you'll excuse me I have seven minutes left of Fat Tuesday ... I plan on making the best of them.

Wed, 02/13/2013 - 07:47 | 3239794 Whiteshadowmovement
Whiteshadowmovement's picture

"Democracy is a device that ensures we shall be governed no better than we deserve"

-George Bernard Shaw

Wed, 02/13/2013 - 07:54 | 3239799 overmedicatedun...
overmedicatedundersexed's picture

to vote they show you a diebold terminal, which cannot a millisecond later provide how you voted, you just have to trust that your vote was counted for the right candidate, I was not born yesterday.

Wed, 02/13/2013 - 08:12 | 3239812 Whiteshadowmovement
Whiteshadowmovement's picture

yeah, democracy worked flawlessly before Diebold came along...

Wed, 02/13/2013 - 08:57 | 3239882 overmedicatedun...
overmedicatedundersexed's picture

whitey boy, are you saying this no hard data system is great with you? voter fraud has been with us all along sure, but now with a proper code the results are as predictable as sun in the morning, as in programmed to be close the the tbtf, nwo, elite get the results every time..or do you have your eyes wide shut??

Wed, 02/13/2013 - 09:33 | 3239946 Whiteshadowmovement
Whiteshadowmovement's picture

no, im just suggesting shaw (who wrote this way before there ever was such a thing as electronic voting) makes an excellent point- maybe the idea of democracy is structurally flawed.

Certainly, if there was such a thing, I personally would take a benevolent dictator over a democratic system any day...

As Schopenhauer once put it: "I would rather be ruled by a lion, than one of my fellow rats"

Wed, 02/13/2013 - 09:37 | 3239957 pods
pods's picture

I think he is saying that by the time it comes to voting, you have already lost.


Wed, 02/13/2013 - 17:27 | 3241192 earleflorida
earleflorida's picture

'a bottomless inkwell...

and, a long enough contour quill...

will pen any standing army...

,against the throes of justice...

embracing their apocalyptic dispersion...

all... with but a tear`less-- blotter of remorse'

Wed, 02/13/2013 - 09:51 | 3239981 DeadFinks
DeadFinks's picture

I missed the shootout, the show and the SOTU.  I think that I am a better man for doing so.

Wed, 02/13/2013 - 01:03 | 3239567 “Rebellion to t...
“Rebellion to tyranny is obedience to God.”-ThomasJefferson's picture



Cheers to the Onion.  

A great majority of Americans are over stuffed, under educated, willingly submissive bitches.  



Wed, 02/13/2013 - 03:45 | 3239682 besnook
besnook's picture

if you don't eat your meat you can't have any pudding. how can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat.

Wed, 02/13/2013 - 06:56 | 3239772 IamtheREALmario
IamtheREALmario's picture

I disagree. The American people did not chose this path. Their so called leaders have been brainwashing them since birth to bring them exactly to this point at this time. Yes, the propagandist media would like us to believe that America is fascist empire with the morals of Sodom and Gomorah. However that is the view propagated by parasites. At its core, America has a majority of good people who the so called leaders are desperatey trying to turn "bad". They WANT us to believe we deserve some form of punishment for the situation they brought us to. It is theatre of the absurd.

Wed, 02/13/2013 - 08:13 | 3239816 lakecity55
lakecity55's picture


queers make up 2% of the population, yet are represented in 98% of TV shows.

Wed, 02/13/2013 - 08:58 | 3239886 Randy Goodnight
Randy Goodnight's picture

"Queers" make up a larger percentage of Hollywood, that's why they are "represented" in a larger percentage of TV shows

Wed, 02/13/2013 - 09:04 | 3239901 overmedicatedun...
overmedicatedundersexed's picture

fags, homo's, queers,,never gay if you ever met one prozac in every pocket. but in defense they are GREEN GREEN GREEN, no filthy kids to spend on, no big trucks, guns or other toys real men have..go queer the new green age is near, save the earth, fuck a man.

Wed, 02/13/2013 - 09:34 | 3239949 andrewp111
andrewp111's picture

The American People reelected this turkey, didn't they? And it was a clean win too.

Wed, 02/13/2013 - 09:38 | 3239960 overmedicatedun...
overmedicatedundersexed's picture

andy my boy, what did you not understand:

to vote they show you a diebold terminal, which cannot a millisecond later provide how you voted, you just have to trust that your vote was counted for the right candidate, I was not born yesterday.

Wed, 02/13/2013 - 07:41 | 3239791 Headbanger
Headbanger's picture
From each according to his ability, to each according to his need

Karl Marx

And no, not one of the Marx brothers

Wed, 02/13/2013 - 09:03 | 3239897 Black Markets
Black Markets's picture

From each according to his ability, to each according to his need

Karl Marx


So hide your ability and advertise your need.

Wed, 02/13/2013 - 11:45 | 3240317 Shizzmoney
Shizzmoney's picture

When satire becomes reality, then society is fucked.

BTW, the majority of the people I know under 35 didn't watch a minute of the sppech last night.  It's OK Obama and the millionaires in Congress: we know you don't give a fuck about us, anyways.


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