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The Thinking, Drinking, And Gambling Man's Guide To The State Of The Union

Tyler Durden's picture





 

Over the past couple of hundred years, the State of the Union has been enjoyed by pamphlet, radio, TV, and webcast and each and every year, the citizenry has sat avidly awaiting their 'word' to come up on SOTU Bingo or for the bets they made on the average length to be confirmed. As WaPo notes, the average minutes spent on the address has grown from a mere 36:53 under President Jimmy Carter up to 1 hour and 5 minutes under the current president. From comparisons of various word frequencies (e.g. tax vs cut or job vs hope) to the ultimate SOTU Drinking Game, and from an 51/53 minute over/under to the color of Obama's tie, below is everything you need to know about SOTU but were absolutely embarrassed to ask...

Very interesting word comparisons across ALL of the speeches (h/t SOTU)

 

and the average speech length for the past 50 years... (Barack Obama average speech length 1:05:21)...

 

and the speech length has risen from Carter onwards...

 

and the drinking game...click image for full size image (Via DrinkingGame)

 

BINGO for the kids... (via CEPR)

 

and Paddy Power offers the following odds on these wonderful cliches...

Cliché Betting: What Will Obama say first?

8/1     We have more work to do
10/1     Health care reform
10/1     As I stand here today
12/1     Fundamental belief
12/1     God bless America
12/1     Crossroads of history
12/1     Defining moment
12/1     Make Washington work
14/1     Common purpose
16/1     Pursuit of happiness
16/1     Building a better America
16/1     Reduce the deficit
18/1     War on terror
18/1     It won't be easy
18/1     Hungry for change
18/1     My civil liberties
20/1     Honor for me
20/1     I have a dream
20/1     Willing to listen to each other
20/1     Yes, we can
20/1     Don't get me wrong
25/1     Hard to believe
25/1     I'm fired up
25/1     Withdraw our troops
25/1     There are better days ahead
25/1     Do-nothing Congress
25/1     We'll have to make hard choices
25/1     We can be one people
25/1     A new direction

Enjoy - full live webcast to follow...

 


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Tue, 02/12/2013 - 21:19 | Link to Comment wisefool
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If he says the words "War wearyness" I will register as a democrat. Fight club rules.

Tue, 02/12/2013 - 21:36 | Link to Comment SilverRhino
SilverRhino's picture

He won't say that.   Obama WILL claim credit for law enforcement actions in California.   

Tue, 02/12/2013 - 21:43 | Link to Comment wisefool
wisefool's picture

The landscapes are similar to afganistan. Never understimate.

Tue, 02/12/2013 - 21:38 | Link to Comment boogerbently
boogerbently's picture

SOTU ????

C'mon, Rangers/Bruins !!

Tue, 02/12/2013 - 23:08 | Link to Comment wisefool
wisefool's picture

He is getting close. The ammount of money it takes to vote.

Tue, 02/12/2013 - 21:22 | Link to Comment cbxer55
cbxer55's picture

I'll be drinkin. I will not be watching the Teleprompter In Chief put out his spiel. Funny, there was a poll on Yahoo homepage most of the day. Last I saw, nearly 80% of respondents said "not interested". 

Tue, 02/12/2013 - 21:33 | Link to Comment Bill D. Cat
Bill D. Cat's picture

I like drinking . Not this much .

Tue, 02/12/2013 - 21:23 | Link to Comment Cdad
Cdad's picture

I am officially too old for ZH sponsored politcal speech drinking games.  My liver very recently swallowed my pancreas.  Hi ho.

Tue, 02/12/2013 - 23:09 | Link to Comment gmrpeabody
gmrpeabody's picture

However..., after hearing that whether you are the man flipping the burgers, or the man putting the cheese on the meats, or the man squirting the ketchups on the bun..., you will be getting a higher minimum wage of $9 an hour for all full-time employees. What's dat..., you only working 24 hours? Well, sorry, but this don't apply to you.

Yes..., I'll have another drink.

Wed, 02/13/2013 - 10:05 | Link to Comment marathonman
marathonman's picture

Don't skimp on the Obamacare taxes or you'll get droned.  Have another round, until Moochelle decides its costing us too much for you to drink so much.

Wed, 02/13/2013 - 02:22 | Link to Comment Manic by Proxy
Manic by Proxy's picture

Don't look now, but your spleen is beating the crap out of your adrenal glands.

Tue, 02/12/2013 - 21:25 | Link to Comment buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

The Gettysburg Address lasted a mere two minutes. We've been getting dumber and drunker ever since.

Tue, 02/12/2013 - 21:58 | Link to Comment Jethro
Jethro's picture

Idiocracy was a documentary...

Tue, 02/12/2013 - 23:43 | Link to Comment msmith9962
msmith9962's picture

The more the words, the less the content.   I budget my 6 year old 700 words/day.  Its not working.

Tue, 02/12/2013 - 21:27 | Link to Comment A Lunatic
A Lunatic's picture

I'm not interested in hearing any more fucking lies from the lips of this man.........

Tue, 02/12/2013 - 21:28 | Link to Comment Lady Heather...UNCLE
Lady Heather...UNCLE's picture

I am NOT watching O blah blah blah ma

Tue, 02/12/2013 - 21:28 | Link to Comment Bear
Bear's picture

51/53 over/under ... this is crazy ... under 1:00 will be a six sigma miss.

Tue, 02/12/2013 - 21:29 | Link to Comment stopcpdotcom
stopcpdotcom's picture

I don't envy the poor bastard who sat down and worked all this shit out.

Tue, 02/12/2013 - 21:30 | Link to Comment Everybodys All ...
Everybodys All American's picture

The Obama manifesto will be unveiled for all of you this evening and if you have not figured out that this guy is a raging Marxist by now you never will.

Tue, 02/12/2013 - 22:42 | Link to Comment DeadFred
DeadFred's picture

I have to say he is the most banker/Wall St. friendly Marxist I've ever seen.

Tue, 02/12/2013 - 21:31 | Link to Comment nmewn
nmewn's picture

If they came up there and said we're fucked they'd be out of a job.

So, its kick the can, thinking they can outrun it (for their own pensions & protection) till it hits the curb. The distance is getting shorter ;-)

Tue, 02/12/2013 - 21:32 | Link to Comment grunk
grunk's picture

I just watched a man burned to death by police in America.

For some reason I am not up for the president's State of the Union speech.

Tue, 02/12/2013 - 21:36 | Link to Comment A Lunatic
A Lunatic's picture

Try watching some U-Tube drone footage of us freeing the shit out of foreigners from 30k'. That should cheer you up some.......

Tue, 02/12/2013 - 21:38 | Link to Comment grunk
grunk's picture

Only if it's a wedding. I like weddings. They are happy occasions.

Tue, 02/12/2013 - 21:40 | Link to Comment JustPrintMoreDuh
JustPrintMoreDuh's picture

Hadst ta go all waco on hiz azz

Tue, 02/12/2013 - 21:41 | Link to Comment SilverRhino
SilverRhino's picture

The comments from the reporters "This is just one giant department right now; it's a brotherhood of officers" made me vomit in my mouth.   

 

Tue, 02/12/2013 - 21:50 | Link to Comment Jethro
Jethro's picture

What up BB? :^)

Thu, 02/14/2013 - 02:39 | Link to Comment SilverRhino
SilverRhino's picture

CC?   Man they will let anyone on here.   Chat when you can.  

 

Tue, 02/12/2013 - 21:55 | Link to Comment ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

"A brotherhood", yeah right.  Big Brother more like it.

"If you stray - if you report on the thuggery of your own in the LAPD - you will be burned to a crisp."

Great message.  All hail Caesar.  All hail the Kleptoligarchy. 

Believe in the infallibility of the hegemony of the sacred sepulcher of the almighty Dollar and the mammon lusting cronies in Washington and Wall Street and you too can have a hot Wife, an iPod, a 50" flat screen, a mortgage, an illusory "retirement", and a gold key chain and watch, granite counter tops, and edumacation for your den of pups - so they can perpetuate the illusory kingdom of cash and pussy.

Tue, 02/12/2013 - 22:03 | Link to Comment ZeroAvatar
ZeroAvatar's picture

ebworthen said:  " A bunch of baboons in uniforms and suits and other costumes disguising their primal behavior with verbiage, labels, catch-phrases, euphemisms, equivocation, and outright lies."

 

Clap!   Clap!    Clap!    Clap!    Clap!  ...    ....      ....   ...    ..   . 

Tue, 02/12/2013 - 21:32 | Link to Comment stinkhammer
stinkhammer's picture

fuck em

Tue, 02/12/2013 - 21:32 | Link to Comment Wm the Shrubber
Wm the Shrubber's picture

And what is to be the trigger for projectile vomiting?

Tue, 02/12/2013 - 22:44 | Link to Comment DeadFred
DeadFred's picture

Turning the volume up from 'mute'.

Tue, 02/12/2013 - 22:51 | Link to Comment JohnG
JohnG's picture

You didn't build that.

Tue, 02/12/2013 - 21:33 | Link to Comment Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Where's that damn asteroid when you need it?

Tue, 02/12/2013 - 22:04 | Link to Comment ZeroAvatar
ZeroAvatar's picture

That would be the target.  Still looking for the trigger....

Tue, 02/12/2013 - 21:33 | Link to Comment W74
W74's picture

So basically Dems are more long winded than Republicans.  If you take out Jimmy Carter (who is actually the shortest on the list) they're really fucked, but on average about 10-15 minutes longer.

Tue, 02/12/2013 - 21:42 | Link to Comment vegas
vegas's picture

Attention Sheeple: Time for Preeeeezy Chalky Sotero to spew forth mountains of bullshit for you to ingest. He can fix all the world's problems if you would just give him all your money [and guns and freedom]. Eat the excrement sandwich and be happy.

Tue, 02/12/2013 - 21:42 | Link to Comment earleflorida
earleflorida's picture

what's with this monkey fuck always holding his head on high, as if he's a  savoire-fair`y sereph mussolini?, always talking down to his hopium induced myrmidon... does he have some kind of stealthy cloak elevating neck brace, or does he really believe the shit he spews-- someone help!

Ps. just knowing it's... he, that's on msm, makes me fucking sick! How dare he insult my[our?] intelligence...  

jmo

thankyou Tyler

Tue, 02/12/2013 - 21:54 | Link to Comment Jethro
Jethro's picture

He probably doesnt have his imperious gold curtain backdrop does he? He just doesnt wield a strong pimp hand like President Elizondo Mt Dew Camacho does....

Tue, 02/12/2013 - 21:43 | Link to Comment Jethro
Jethro's picture

If you take a shot at "uh" or "um", you will have alcohol poisoning in under 10 minutes.

Tue, 02/12/2013 - 21:47 | Link to Comment ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

Oh it's going to be a splooge-fest of euphemisms and 1/2" thick mental varnish.

No doubt Gabby Giffords with her patched up head smiling and nodding in that Jim Brady way when Obummer talks about "controlling these guns" (you know, those inanimate objects that somehow "kill" people).

Another nod to the crying Parents of that poor girl killed by Gang Bangers - but of course blamed on the "guns" (again, those slabs of metal that somehow float three feet above the ground and spit bullets out all by themselves).

Will there be mention of funding for mental health care and facilities?  Doubt it (that's what prisons and SNAP are for).

Will there be mention of defending the Constitution, the Second Amendment, the Fourth Amendment? 

OF COURSE NOT!!!

Will the messiah of the end times of the U.S.S.A. talk about Drones in the skies of America being about Liberty and Freedom, and murdering innocent Women and Children in countries we are not at war with a "necessary means to an end"?

OF COURSE NOT!!!

Equivocation, doublespeak, newspeak, and appeals to "meet in the middle" to solve (compound) the problems created by meeting in the middle instead of standing on principle and the founding precepts of the nation.

DRIVEL IT WILL BE!!!

Tue, 02/12/2013 - 21:49 | Link to Comment A Lunatic
A Lunatic's picture

That's not how you play the drinking game.........

Tue, 02/12/2013 - 21:58 | Link to Comment ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

A shot of Old Crow Reserve 86 proof to you sir.

I was going to get one of the last fifth's of Maker's Mark 90 Proof but that shit was $28.

The Old Crow Reserve was $8.99.  I would of bought the fifth of Old Grand Dad but it was too good so the State stores quit carrying it because it took away from the high-tax overpriced bling whiskey.

Tue, 02/12/2013 - 22:01 | Link to Comment A Lunatic
A Lunatic's picture

I thought you'd already gotten into the Mad Dog 20/20.........

Tue, 02/12/2013 - 22:03 | Link to Comment ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

I have stooped to Carlo Rossi Sangria, which is actually pretty good, but haven't gone Mad Dog 20/20 yet.  Thanks for your concern.

Tue, 02/12/2013 - 22:09 | Link to Comment ZeroAvatar
ZeroAvatar's picture

I feel sorry for Gabby Giffords, I truly do, but the way they trotted her out, and her emmy performance, made me want to stick my hand in the insinkerator.

Tue, 02/12/2013 - 22:10 | Link to Comment booboo
booboo's picture

and of course their idea of fixing "mental health" is moar psychotropic drugz for the "chilen" that are the red thread that link all these shootings. Fat chance at getting the "legal" drug pushers off that gravy train.

 

Tue, 02/12/2013 - 21:51 | Link to Comment djsmps
djsmps's picture

I got home from work, and the cabin was on fire. I was hoping this would preempt the Obama address. I usually watch all this stuff, but this speech has been leaked too much. I'm watching DRIVE for about the the 4th time because I think it's a good movie and I like the music.

Tue, 02/12/2013 - 22:16 | Link to Comment ZeroAvatar
ZeroAvatar's picture

Turns out, they torched Clyde's place, the Orangutang from "Every Which Way but Loose".  Dorner's nowhere around there.

 

http://www.bing.com/images/search?q=picture+of+clyde+every+which+way+but...

Tue, 02/12/2013 - 21:56 | Link to Comment Michelle
Michelle's picture

Hell, I had to get liquored up just to listen to the damn thing and if I have the timing right in just about 65 minutes I will be puking on the kitchen floor.

Tue, 02/12/2013 - 22:18 | Link to Comment thisandthat
thisandthat's picture

Et tu, Michelle?

Tue, 02/12/2013 - 22:48 | Link to Comment Michelle
Michelle's picture

Even I...

Getting closer....

Wed, 02/13/2013 - 00:03 | Link to Comment thisandthat
thisandthat's picture

Four more years, eh? I'd offer you a glass of 1980 port, to sweeten the wait, but unfortunately, all that's left of it are the memories and an empty bottle... :(

Tue, 02/12/2013 - 21:59 | Link to Comment sunnyside
sunnyside's picture

Octopussy on REELZ channel.  Much nicer fucking.

Tue, 02/12/2013 - 22:01 | Link to Comment ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

I'm going to suffer through this asshole's speech so I can tear it apart here on ZH.

It's going to be some heavy lifting, but I do what I can for what is left of the Republic.

Just saw Eric Fucking Holder walk in as if he had anything to do with Justice.  Fucking worthless piece of shit.

Wed, 02/13/2013 - 02:34 | Link to Comment Manic by Proxy
Manic by Proxy's picture

It is my considered opinion that referring to Eric Holder as a fucking worthless piece of shit is an insult to fucking worthless pieces of shit everywhere.

Sincerely,

A. Fucking Worthless,  POS

Wed, 02/13/2013 - 08:33 | Link to Comment Umh
Umh's picture

It's easier, faster and less aggravating to read the damn thing.

Tue, 02/12/2013 - 22:06 | Link to Comment Jena
Jena's picture

If I were forced to listen to Obama, I'd play the drinking game.  Luckily for my liver, I can just drink in peace and at a more moderate pace.

 

Cheers!

Tue, 02/12/2013 - 22:07 | Link to Comment stinkhammer
stinkhammer's picture

janet napalitano eats children i've heard

Tue, 02/12/2013 - 22:14 | Link to Comment Tsar Pointless
Tsar Pointless's picture

I don't have the desire to drink tonight, and I have to get up early.

So, therefore, I will not be watching the SOTU address, thereby saving both my sanity and my liver further damage.

Tue, 02/12/2013 - 22:20 | Link to Comment ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

"After a decade of grinding war, our Men and Women are coming home."

Um...not 6,000+ of them.

Tue, 02/12/2013 - 22:21 | Link to Comment ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

"Send in the Clowns..."

Oh wait...

Tue, 02/12/2013 - 22:28 | Link to Comment Curt W
Curt W's picture

jeez 3 shots in the same sentence over and over.

Tue, 02/12/2013 - 22:34 | Link to Comment CheapBastard
CheapBastard's picture

Dumped moar today. Any stocks I made over 20% I dumped....not taking any chances in this lunatic market. Now I'm down to less then 15% in equities.

 

I can sleep happily tonight.

Tue, 02/12/2013 - 22:42 | Link to Comment JohnG
JohnG's picture

I'll just take frequent shots of 101.  Numbs the pain.

Tue, 02/12/2013 - 22:45 | Link to Comment Curt W
Curt W's picture

Take unions out of schools so crappy teachers can get fired.

Tue, 02/12/2013 - 22:57 | Link to Comment Vooter
Vooter's picture

Why would anyone watch this shit?

Wed, 02/13/2013 - 00:32 | Link to Comment Curt W
Curt W's picture

It was not easy.  In fact I gave up after 52 minures after they started talking about an individual, instead of the Union.

Tue, 02/12/2013 - 23:01 | Link to Comment Ness.
Ness.'s picture

No he diin't... Russia?  Russian's aren't ascared of darkie.

Wed, 02/13/2013 - 02:19 | Link to Comment Manic by Proxy
Manic by Proxy's picture

To the Cliche Betting list, add Oback's favorite hackney "extraordinary"

Wed, 02/13/2013 - 05:55 | Link to Comment NuYawkFrankie
NuYawkFrankie's picture

Never saw it.

Didn't wanna risk upchucking after a 12-pack of Olde English "800".

Were they all wearing their clapping-seal outfits?

Wed, 02/13/2013 - 08:33 | Link to Comment lakecity55
lakecity55's picture

Sooner or later, every country must suffer a murderous, pyschotic, satanic dictator.

I guess it's our turn in the barrel.

Wed, 02/13/2013 - 10:25 | Link to Comment Killer the Buzzard
Killer the Buzzard's picture

What happened to "make no mistake" for the cliches?  That one absolutely makes me grind my teeth.

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