SEC To Investigate Insider-Trading In HNZ Deal

Tyler Durden's picture


It seems the massive gains and obvious pre-deal trades that we highlighted earlier nudged the SEC off their kiddy-pr0n sites and into action. Via Bloomberg:


But, of course, this is the SEC...


We await their justification that because no downgrade of the US was conducted by the perpetrator of this glaring insider trade, no charges will be forthcoming.

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Thu, 02/14/2013 - 16:20 | 3244021 localsavage
localsavage's picture

Like they will even do anything other than have a press conference....fuck you SEC

Thu, 02/14/2013 - 16:30 | 3244063 nope-1004
nope-1004's picture

Press conference?  Umm.... what you just read above IS the press conference.  This is Goldman doing "perceived" investigation into their own fraud.  They own FINRA, they own the CIA, and they own the SEC.

Nothing further to come.  The masses have been placated in the hopes of ending the horrible PR (red handed fraud) that came out this morning.  It's finished - don't wait up for anything else.


Thu, 02/14/2013 - 17:24 | 3244352 Groundhog Day
Groundhog Day's picture

The interviewing process will commence immediatley after the 5 year statute of limitations. 


SEC: Well Goldman? did you do it...did you have material inside information which you used to make millions? well did ya...huh...did ya?

Goldman: NO

SEC:  Well....Were satisfied...see you at the next SEC fundraiser,,i mean investigation

Thu, 02/14/2013 - 17:54 | 3244467 Cdad
Cdad's picture

It stands to reason that this particular ZH post would see a lower hit count.  No one believes the SEC will do anything...about anything going on in this broken and corrupt "market."  

To the offender....just slip the check under the SEC's door before midnight tonight, and all is well.

Thu, 02/14/2013 - 16:30 | 3244064 GolfHatesMe
GolfHatesMe's picture

Jon Corzine is the lead investigator

Thu, 02/14/2013 - 16:46 | 3244102 TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

Please, when addressing or referring to said person in the future, use the following title:

The Honorable Jon S. Corzine

Thank you.


Thu, 02/14/2013 - 16:47 | 3244165 Au Member
Au Member's picture

I thought it read 'SEC to investigate insider anal probing on MILF.COM'

Thu, 02/14/2013 - 16:48 | 3244171 francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

Round up all the usual [goy] suspects...

Thu, 02/14/2013 - 16:52 | 3244196 fourchan
fourchan's picture

goldman sayz " there's nothing to see here".

the sec says " yes there is nothing to see here."

Thu, 02/14/2013 - 17:10 | 3244291 Bastiat
Bastiat's picture

They'll get to it right after the AA/UAL 911 put investigation.

Thu, 02/14/2013 - 20:40 | 3244990 Dealer
Dealer's picture

+ 1.  This is so sick whats going on.

Thu, 02/14/2013 - 17:05 | 3244274 GolfHatesMe
GolfHatesMe's picture

Either The Honorable or Fuck.  I forgot both titles

Thu, 02/14/2013 - 21:03 | 3245023 Colonel Klink
Colonel Klink's picture

May have well as said he was the lead investor too.  Wouldn't surprise me in the least.

It's a rigged game, and none of us have a spot at the table.

Thu, 02/14/2013 - 17:34 | 3244406 fomcy
fomcy's picture

Gold is down, because FED printing too much, additional weakness ahead while FED turn TURBO
mode on Printing presses :) Get used to it:

" WASHINGTON--The U.S. Federal Reserve's balance sheet exceeded $3 trillion for the fourth-straight week as the central bank continued with its efforts to spur the economy through bond purchases.

The Fed's asset holdings in the week ended Wednesday increased slightly, to $3.076 trillion from $3.017 trillion a week earlier, the central bank said in a weekly report released Thursday.

The Fed's holdings of U.S. Treasury securities rose to $1.728 trillion on Wednesday from $1.717 trillion a week earlier. The central bank's holdings of mortgage-backed securities rose to $1.010 trillion from $965.88 billion a week ago.

The Fed's portfolio has more than tripled since the financial crisis of 2008 and 2009, as the central bank bought government bonds and mortgage-backed securities in an effort to keep interest rates low and to stimulate the economy.

Officials at the central bank decided last month, at the end of their first policy meeting of 2013, to keep purchasing $85 billion a month of mortgage-backed and Treasury securities and signaled no intention to let up for now.

The central bank is holding down long-term interest rates in an attempt to encourage more spending, investment and hiring. But critics, including some within the Fed, worry it could cause higher inflation or new financial bubbles. The Fed repeated that it will keep buying bonds until the jobs picture improves substantially.

Thursday's report showed total borrowing from the Fed's discount lending window was $449 million on Wednesday, down from $510 million a week earlier. "

Thu, 02/14/2013 - 20:49 | 3245002 max2205
max2205's picture

The first place to look is people in congress....oh I forgot they are legally able. 


This country is a fucking joke

Thu, 02/14/2013 - 18:22 | 3244575 Sands8oo
Sands8oo's picture

Someone forgot to tell the over-zealous SEC intern that Goldman's prop desk doesn't get flagged

Thu, 02/14/2013 - 16:20 | 3244025 azzhatter
azzhatter's picture

These fuckers couldn't find a hooker in a whorehouse

Thu, 02/14/2013 - 16:29 | 3244060 unrulian
unrulian's picture

actually that's all they can do

Thu, 02/14/2013 - 16:51 | 3244027 TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

Warren "Let Us F*ck Taxpayers Up Their Asses MOAR, AmIright my fellow Bailout King Charlie Munger" Buffett agreed to the share premium only because John Kerry bribed his CONgressional peers to grant Heinz a 5000 year exclusive Ketchup supply contract to the U.S. government & military in exchange for some "hawt stawk tips."

The SEC "regulators" will conclude nothing illegal or improper was done and resume browsing kiddie/midget/donkey/hermaphrodite porn.

Thu, 02/14/2013 - 18:19 | 3244548 Acet
Acet's picture

I'm pretty sure the "review" already happened and went something like this:

Sec Employee 1: So, do you think there was any kind of insider trading on HNZ?

Sec Employee 2: (without taking his eyes of the midget porn on his computer screen) Not that I noticed.

Sec Employee 1: Ok, no evidence of insider trading found, case closed.


Thu, 02/14/2013 - 16:20 | 3244029 thismarketisrigged
thismarketisrigged's picture

insider trading on WS? na cant be.


prosecute these fuckers and bring them to justice. i want lloyd blankfein in jail for life, along with bernanke and all of wall st

Thu, 02/14/2013 - 16:21 | 3244030 unwashedmass
unwashedmass's picture


whoa....guess the squid went a touch too far, and mary jo can't be embarrassed quite so soon.......


oh, well, a few faux investigation headlines, and all will be well. 


the squid rules.....and besides the clients deserved to be fucked, right? 

Thu, 02/14/2013 - 16:21 | 3244031 waterwitch
waterwitch's picture

I'll believe it when I see it.

Thu, 02/14/2013 - 16:52 | 3244194 James-Morrison
James-Morrison's picture

Some mid-level manager trying to muscle in to the business, for a little on the side.  

It'll disappear from the MSM as fast as it popped-up.

Thu, 02/14/2013 - 16:21 | 3244032 goldenbuddha454
goldenbuddha454's picture

Did John Kerry-Heinz approve the investigation yet?

Thu, 02/14/2013 - 16:31 | 3244068 Number 156
Number 156's picture

Sorry Sheeple, Members of the senate and congress are immune from insider trading regulations. Even if they arent,


Thu, 02/14/2013 - 16:33 | 3244079 jo6pac
jo6pac's picture

My thought also

Thu, 02/14/2013 - 16:21 | 3244034 Mad Mohel
Mad Mohel's picture

Does investigate mean watch some porn and do a couple rails at the office?

Thu, 02/14/2013 - 19:51 | 3244876 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Good work. If ya can get it.

Thu, 02/14/2013 - 16:21 | 3244035 youngman
youngman's picture

they want to find out how to do if for when they leave the SEC.....

Thu, 02/14/2013 - 16:22 | 3244039 LongSoupLine
LongSoupLine's picture

This is a buffett fucking deal.  Prove you have some fucking balls SEC...fucking prove it!


Until then, your just a fucking wall street lawyer fucking filled obama bidding fucking piece of shit.  Man up for the middle class you fucks.

Thu, 02/14/2013 - 16:25 | 3244052 Kaiser Sousa
Kaiser Sousa's picture

Mother Fuck Warren Buffet...

Gold disinformation spreading old wrinkled elitist BITCH........... 

Thu, 02/14/2013 - 16:32 | 3244075 nope-1004
nope-1004's picture

Andrew Dice Clay only lasted a short while after nothing original was presented.  Just sayin'


Thu, 02/14/2013 - 16:50 | 3244184 francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

Hickory Dickory Dock...

Thu, 02/14/2013 - 16:56 | 3244220 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

My wife bought me a new pair of socks...

Thu, 02/14/2013 - 17:11 | 3244280 francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

Andrew Dice Clay [Silverstein], & I'm sure LasVegasDave would concur ~ was another, in the GREAT & WONDERFUL lineage of jews that have pridefully brought class & moral highground to American culture... A sampling of his works:


Thu, 02/14/2013 - 18:34 | 3244629 LasVegasDave
LasVegasDave's picture

A foul mouthed cocksucker?  check

A laugh out loud motherfucker?  check again

Douchebag, hypocrite,  Yid hater Francis Sawyer a big fan?  check, check check


Thu, 02/14/2013 - 16:57 | 3244227 eclectic syncretist
eclectic syncretist's picture

This is just the Shit-Eating-Cocksuckers way of saying that some protection money better start moving their way if the insiders want to keep getting away with breaking the law. 

Thu, 02/14/2013 - 16:39 | 3244109 Everybodys All ...
Everybodys All American's picture

looks like we have a rivalry for f bombs brewing. +1

Thu, 02/14/2013 - 16:27 | 3244057 besnook
besnook's picture

as a us senator john kerry could have legally traded the pending deal. otherwise there were only jews involved so they dropped the investigation.

Thu, 02/14/2013 - 16:29 | 3244061 Iocosus
Iocosus's picture

I voted for it before I voted against it.

Thu, 02/14/2013 - 16:43 | 3244065 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

The alleged SEC  person may or may not investigate depending on who or who didn't make said alleged trade that may or may not of happened based on what may or may not have been inside information.....allegedly

Thu, 02/14/2013 - 16:32 | 3244071 forrestdweller
forrestdweller's picture

these are the people that fuck us over day by day. stealing our taxmoney.

Thu, 02/14/2013 - 16:32 | 3244073 GolfHatesMe
GolfHatesMe's picture

Father Time implicated by Not adjusting Time to the trades that occurred

Thu, 02/14/2013 - 16:32 | 3244074 NEOSERF
NEOSERF's picture

Wouldn't it be delicious if it was some Kerry extended family member.  Perhaps I have been watching too much house of cards but why do I get the feeling that somehow a deal was struck with Kerry and Buffet...I use my influence to undermine Rice, get Kerry nominated and then you sell me your wife's company...too easy.

Thu, 02/14/2013 - 16:33 | 3244077 firstdivision
firstdivision's picture

David Sokol did it and will get away with it yet again.

Thu, 02/14/2013 - 16:34 | 3244081 Smegley Wanxalot
Smegley Wanxalot's picture

Heinz investigated? 

No no no - the Department Of State will prevent that now.

Thu, 02/14/2013 - 16:42 | 3244138 El Hosel
El Hosel's picture

Heinz CEO collects 100 million in broad daylite... Investigate that, how many "slow goods" will that get you at a DSK's after hours costume ball?

Thu, 02/14/2013 - 16:42 | 3244135 Dewey Cheatum Howe
Dewey Cheatum Howe's picture

I guess Super Moe finished her haircut and saw what happened once they took the bowl off her head.

Thu, 02/14/2013 - 16:42 | 3244141 Joebloinvestor
Joebloinvestor's picture

Where is the NANEX HFT record for the day?

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