SEC To Investigate Insider-Trading In HNZ Deal

Tyler Durden's picture

It seems the massive gains and obvious pre-deal trades that we highlighted earlier nudged the SEC off their kiddy-pr0n sites and into action. Via Bloomberg:


But, of course, this is the SEC...


We await their justification that because no downgrade of the US was conducted by the perpetrator of this glaring insider trade, no charges will be forthcoming.

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localsavage's picture

Like they will even do anything other than have a press conference....fuck you SEC

nope-1004's picture

Press conference?  Umm.... what you just read above IS the press conference.  This is Goldman doing "perceived" investigation into their own fraud.  They own FINRA, they own the CIA, and they own the SEC.

Nothing further to come.  The masses have been placated in the hopes of ending the horrible PR (red handed fraud) that came out this morning.  It's finished - don't wait up for anything else.


Groundhog Day's picture

The interviewing process will commence immediatley after the 5 year statute of limitations. 


SEC: Well Goldman? did you do it...did you have material inside information which you used to make millions? well did ya...huh...did ya?

Goldman: NO

SEC:  Well....Were satisfied...see you at the next SEC fundraiser,,i mean investigation

Cdad's picture

It stands to reason that this particular ZH post would see a lower hit count.  No one believes the SEC will do anything...about anything going on in this broken and corrupt "market."  

To the offender....just slip the check under the SEC's door before midnight tonight, and all is well.

GolfHatesMe's picture

Jon Corzine is the lead investigator

TruthInSunshine's picture

Please, when addressing or referring to said person in the future, use the following title:

The Honorable Jon S. Corzine

Thank you.


Au Member's picture

I thought it read 'SEC to investigate insider anal probing on MILF.COM'

francis_sawyer's picture

Round up all the usual [goy] suspects...

fourchan's picture

goldman sayz " there's nothing to see here".

the sec says " yes there is nothing to see here."

Bastiat's picture

They'll get to it right after the AA/UAL 911 put investigation.

Dealer's picture

+ 1.  This is so sick whats going on.

GolfHatesMe's picture

Either The Honorable or Fuck.  I forgot both titles

Colonel Klink's picture

May have well as said he was the lead investor too.  Wouldn't surprise me in the least.

It's a rigged game, and none of us have a spot at the table.

fomcy's picture

Gold is down, because FED printing too much, additional weakness ahead while FED turn TURBO
mode on Printing presses :) Get used to it:

" WASHINGTON--The U.S. Federal Reserve's balance sheet exceeded $3 trillion for the fourth-straight week as the central bank continued with its efforts to spur the economy through bond purchases.

The Fed's asset holdings in the week ended Wednesday increased slightly, to $3.076 trillion from $3.017 trillion a week earlier, the central bank said in a weekly report released Thursday.

The Fed's holdings of U.S. Treasury securities rose to $1.728 trillion on Wednesday from $1.717 trillion a week earlier. The central bank's holdings of mortgage-backed securities rose to $1.010 trillion from $965.88 billion a week ago.

The Fed's portfolio has more than tripled since the financial crisis of 2008 and 2009, as the central bank bought government bonds and mortgage-backed securities in an effort to keep interest rates low and to stimulate the economy.

Officials at the central bank decided last month, at the end of their first policy meeting of 2013, to keep purchasing $85 billion a month of mortgage-backed and Treasury securities and signaled no intention to let up for now.

The central bank is holding down long-term interest rates in an attempt to encourage more spending, investment and hiring. But critics, including some within the Fed, worry it could cause higher inflation or new financial bubbles. The Fed repeated that it will keep buying bonds until the jobs picture improves substantially.

Thursday's report showed total borrowing from the Fed's discount lending window was $449 million on Wednesday, down from $510 million a week earlier. "

max2205's picture

The first place to look is people in congress....oh I forgot they are legally able. 


This country is a fucking joke

Sands8oo's picture

Someone forgot to tell the over-zealous SEC intern that Goldman's prop desk doesn't get flagged

azzhatter's picture

These fuckers couldn't find a hooker in a whorehouse

unrulian's picture

actually that's all they can do

TruthInSunshine's picture

Warren "Let Us F*ck Taxpayers Up Their Asses MOAR, AmIright my fellow Bailout King Charlie Munger" Buffett agreed to the share premium only because John Kerry bribed his CONgressional peers to grant Heinz a 5000 year exclusive Ketchup supply contract to the U.S. government & military in exchange for some "hawt stawk tips."

The SEC "regulators" will conclude nothing illegal or improper was done and resume browsing kiddie/midget/donkey/hermaphrodite porn.

Acet's picture

I'm pretty sure the "review" already happened and went something like this:

Sec Employee 1: So, do you think there was any kind of insider trading on HNZ?

Sec Employee 2: (without taking his eyes of the midget porn on his computer screen) Not that I noticed.

Sec Employee 1: Ok, no evidence of insider trading found, case closed.


thismarketisrigged's picture

insider trading on WS? na cant be.


prosecute these fuckers and bring them to justice. i want lloyd blankfein in jail for life, along with bernanke and all of wall st

unwashedmass's picture


whoa....guess the squid went a touch too far, and mary jo can't be embarrassed quite so soon.......


oh, well, a few faux investigation headlines, and all will be well. 


the squid rules.....and besides the clients deserved to be fucked, right? 

waterwitch's picture

I'll believe it when I see it.

James-Morrison's picture

Some mid-level manager trying to muscle in to the business, for a little on the side.  

It'll disappear from the MSM as fast as it popped-up.

goldenbuddha454's picture

Did John Kerry-Heinz approve the investigation yet?

Number 156's picture

Sorry Sheeple, Members of the senate and congress are immune from insider trading regulations. Even if they arent,


Mad Mohel's picture

Does investigate mean watch some porn and do a couple rails at the office?

NotApplicable's picture

Good work. If ya can get it.

youngman's picture

they want to find out how to do if for when they leave the SEC.....

LongSoupLine's picture

This is a buffett fucking deal.  Prove you have some fucking balls SEC...fucking prove it!


Until then, your just a fucking wall street lawyer fucking filled obama bidding fucking piece of shit.  Man up for the middle class you fucks.

Kaiser Sousa's picture

Mother Fuck Warren Buffet...

Gold disinformation spreading old wrinkled elitist BITCH........... 

nope-1004's picture

Andrew Dice Clay only lasted a short while after nothing original was presented.  Just sayin'


Dr. Engali's picture

My wife bought me a new pair of socks...

francis_sawyer's picture

Andrew Dice Clay [Silverstein], & I'm sure LasVegasDave would concur ~ was another, in the GREAT & WONDERFUL lineage of jews that have pridefully brought class & moral highground to American culture... A sampling of his works:


LasVegasDave's picture

A foul mouthed cocksucker?  check

A laugh out loud motherfucker?  check again

Douchebag, hypocrite,  Yid hater Francis Sawyer a big fan?  check, check check


eclectic syncretist's picture

This is just the Shit-Eating-Cocksuckers way of saying that some protection money better start moving their way if the insiders want to keep getting away with breaking the law. 

Everybodys All American's picture

looks like we have a rivalry for f bombs brewing. +1

besnook's picture

as a us senator john kerry could have legally traded the pending deal. otherwise there were only jews involved so they dropped the investigation.

Iocosus's picture

I voted for it before I voted against it.

Dr. Engali's picture

The alleged SEC  person may or may not investigate depending on who or who didn't make said alleged trade that may or may not of happened based on what may or may not have been inside information.....allegedly

forrestdweller's picture

these are the people that fuck us over day by day. stealing our taxmoney.

GolfHatesMe's picture

Father Time implicated by Not adjusting Time to the trades that occurred

NEOSERF's picture

Wouldn't it be delicious if it was some Kerry extended family member.  Perhaps I have been watching too much house of cards but why do I get the feeling that somehow a deal was struck with Kerry and Buffet...I use my influence to undermine Rice, get Kerry nominated and then you sell me your wife's company...too easy.

firstdivision's picture

David Sokol did it and will get away with it yet again.

Smegley Wanxalot's picture

Heinz investigated? 

No no no - the Department Of State will prevent that now.

El Hosel's picture

Heinz CEO collects 100 million in broad daylite... Investigate that, how many "slow goods" will that get you at a DSK's after hours costume ball?

Dewey Cheatum Howe's picture

I guess Super Moe finished her haircut and saw what happened once they took the bowl off her head.

Joebloinvestor's picture

Where is the NANEX HFT record for the day?