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The Thinking, Drinking, And Tweeting Man's Guide To The Oscars

Tyler Durden's picture





 

From the youngest to the oldest nominee for best actress (Quvenzhane Wallis - 9 and Emmanuelle Riva - 85) to the relative money gambled on the outcomes, we thought it only appropriate to provide some education and information as this evening's self-congratulatory mutual masturbation begins. With TED scoring well in social media, hopes of an Angelina Jolie thigh-show high, and enough communal drinking-game directions to sink Seth MacFarlane, we hope this provides a little levity as the seriousness of Daniel Day-Lewis' method overwhelms.

 

The History of the Oscars...

 

 

The Oscars vs The Superbowl (from 2010)... (click image for large version)

 

And if social media was deciding (click image for visual via The UK's Daily Mirror)...

 

And finally, Esquire's always-classy drinking game...

Drinking communally is one of the great innovations of the modern world. The Oscars, and awards-shows in general, are not. Filled with pomp, circumstance, and self-importance, they are only made bearable by the moments that really remind us of what the movies are all about — nostalgia, storytelling, honoring artists you know have worked hard and haven't sold their souls. For the rest, well, we'll get through it together. Here are some Eat Like a Man-approved beverages to pair with your Best Picture nominees of choice and a few easy rules for participation.*

Drink this if you're rooting for...

Take a sip if...

  • The camera cuts to someone Seth MacFarlane just insulted.
  • Daniel Day-Lewis speaks.
  • You find yourself admiring Ben Affleck's beard.
  • You find yourself admiring Dustin Hoffman's beard.
  • You find yourself admiring Joaquin Phoenix's beard.
  • You find yourself admiring Jennifer Lawrence.
  • Tom Cruise bares his teeth.
  • Tarantino smirks.
  • Kathryn Bigelow's lithe arms make an appearance (one for each arm).
  • The sound and visual-effect awards go by and you fail to notice
  • An actress is described as "lovely."
  • They start playing the "time's up" music on any winner at or below the Best Supporting Actor/Actress level.
  • The camera pans to Angelina Jolie looking beatific.
  • The camera catches Steven Spielberg looking smarmy.
  • Angelina Jolie is snuggling Brad Pitt.

Take a gulp if...

  • Angelina and Brad don't show up.
  • Any reference is made to Ar-Go-Fk-Yourself.
  • Tom Cruise had something better to do that night.
  • Jennifer Lawrence gets on stage.
  • Adele totally owns "Skyfall."
  • Norah Jones totally owns that Ted song.
  • The "Celebration of Musicals" presentation sucks.
  • Seth MacFarlane does a Stewie impression.
  • If Joaquin Phoenix shows up without a beard.
  • You haven't seen any of the foreign nominees.
  • The words "stiff competition" are used when they pan across the nominees for Best Supporting Actor (De Niro…Jones…Arkin…).
  • If the presenter can't pronounce Quvenzhané.
  • If Day-Lewis shows up wearing anything remotely reminiscent of Abe Lincoln.
  • If Beyonce's there.
  • Someone pulls a Pesci.
  • They start playing the "time's up" music on any winner at or above the Best Actor/Actress level.
  • Someone thanks Harvey Weinstein (multiple gulps if necessary).

Down the whole bottle if...

  • Michael Haneke pulls a Roberto Benigni.
  • Anyone drops a statue.
  • Quvenzhané Wallis wins Best Actress.
  • The Master doesn't win anything, because, come on — Amy Adams!

Down the whole bottle, break it over your head, and forget the whole thing if...

  • Les Misérables wins.
  • Life of Pi wins.
  • If Hugh Jackman wins.
  • If Hugh Jackman sings.

*Esquire does not condone binge drinking. (Unless Benh Zeitlin wins Best Director, because at that point, why not?)

 
 


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Sun, 02/24/2013 - 21:01 | Link to Comment Jason T
Jason T's picture

got a 12 pack of PBR at walmart today.. $6.54 before tax and deposit.. not too bad.. but drank 6 of em already.. will pass on drinking game.

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 21:03 | Link to Comment RacerX
RacerX's picture

slacker.

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 21:13 | Link to Comment MrX
MrX's picture

this movie is better: http://vimeo.com/15056028

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 21:30 | Link to Comment Zer0head
Zer0head's picture

I made some comments about Business Insider and Ritholtz, earlier on,

 

My mistake,, Henry and Barry I despise you for everything you represent, but Oscar and ZH?

 

now I know that we are truly fucked

 

 

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 21:34 | Link to Comment NewThor
NewThor's picture

FUCK THE OSCARS.

 

Can You believe Disney bought Star Wars?

Can You believe the guy directing Star Trek is also gonna direct 

Star Wars?

Can you believe they are bringing 75 year old Han Solo back?

Can you believe modern movies suck so bad?

I guess the facebook/twitter model killed the screenwriter,

bitchez.

 

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 21:41 | Link to Comment Uber Vandal
Uber Vandal's picture

Can you believe with all of the truly important things to be concerned about, anyone actually cares about any of that?

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 21:46 | Link to Comment flacon
flacon's picture

What is "The Oscars"? 

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 21:56 | Link to Comment AssFire
AssFire's picture

Zactly,

I have not been to see a movie since Fight Club.

I refuse to spend money supporting people who are so active in destroying our country in so many ways.

Plus, I hate them and their movies suck!

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 23:13 | Link to Comment knukles
knukles's picture

Well, Helena Bonham Carter was just on the screen, looking every bit of and good as Marla ever has.

"I haven't been fucked like that since 6th grade."
Well Marla, you haven't been here in the 2000's

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 02:59 | Link to Comment vato poco
vato poco's picture

Since *grade school*. Homey. "[She] hasn't been fucked like that since GRADE SCHOOL." World may be going to hell around our very ears, but precision in quoting the classics is what seperates us from the animals. And politicians.

Also, HBC seems to one *seriously* fcuked-up chick IRL - so much so that 'Marla" may have just been typecasting. She's married to Tim Burton, noted director and apparent necrophiliac.

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 22:03 | Link to Comment NewThor
NewThor's picture

You are correct.

I am really way more concerned about the Sun turning into a

Phoenix and flying birds in space.

Hey did you know the Phoenix is the symbol of the Royal Jubilee?

 

 http://youtu.be/Xw7jzkyUBf0

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 22:06 | Link to Comment Pure Evil
Pure Evil's picture

Get back to me when the Adult Video News Awards, the "Oscars of Porn", make center stage.

Until then, everything else is irrelevant.

Oscars of Porn

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 22:26 | Link to Comment Kirk2NCC1701
Kirk2NCC1701's picture

Mr. Spock disapproves when I beam up the porn queens and give them my award, after they tell me they're into Free Enterprise.

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 22:23 | Link to Comment Kirk2NCC1701
Kirk2NCC1701's picture

I'd get more excited if the Phoenix were a symbol of a Debt Jubilee.

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 14:30 | Link to Comment CaptainSpaulding
CaptainSpaulding's picture

What is Oscars? Hope this helps

gty_jack_klugman_ll_121224_wg.jpg

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 00:42 | Link to Comment salvadordaly
salvadordaly's picture

Can you believe that anyone would know that?

Can you believe that things like the Oscars are truly what is wrong with this world?

Can you believe that the U.S. in drowning in debt never to recover again in our lifetime?

Can you belive I had to waste 2 minutes of my time to type this out?

Can you believe that if you know what Star Wars will be producing in future movies you are the problem?

Damn, I give up!

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 21:06 | Link to Comment ISEEIT
ISEEIT's picture

Liar:) You'll still drink 'em.

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 21:16 | Link to Comment 22winmag
22winmag's picture

Must be nice. The price of Sam Adams 12 packs increased 10.8% from $9.99 to $11.77 yesterday at my local WalMart.

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 21:21 | Link to Comment Smegley Wanxalot
Smegley Wanxalot's picture

If that's no typo, then with math like that you need to work for the govt calculating inflation.

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 06:13 | Link to Comment Orly
Orly's picture

Plus, a twelve-pack of Sam Adams is more like sixteen...

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 21:43 | Link to Comment ISEEIT
ISEEIT's picture

You fucking liar. The only reason prices have appeared to increase is that your perceptions have been hijacked by the extreme right. The truth is that actually everything is okay and indeed becoming more so everyday..Except of course for the 'republican problem'.

These 'people' must be confronted.

Hey, friend??? I'd like to have a real conversation with you about making some difficult choices. These rightwing extremist have demonstrated a cold and callused disregard for the truth that Michelle and I work so tirelessly to promote ( not to mention Joe and his selfless efforts that together with Jill do so very much for this thing we call a 'nation').

So 22winmag...Can you find it in your cold white heart to have some compassion for our cause? $2.00 would really help.

We'll feel much better explaining to Oprah why we did this if you would just pitch in and go along.

Get on the train.

FORWARD!!

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 21:56 | Link to Comment Oldwood
Oldwood's picture

Damn those right wing extremists! The cockroaches get along just fine until someone has to turn the damn lights on!

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 22:12 | Link to Comment nmewn
nmewn's picture

Yes, constantly calling for more regulations, increasing taxes, more PC speech, licensing, fees, restrictions on liberties, creating shell companies for cronies, laughing while wheeling granny over the fiscal cliff in her wheel chair, the starving of school children, freeeeee! birth control pills for priests & nuns, the open, blatant sequestration of desperately needed bureaucratic funding for the pencil pusher class (that was the last straw for enlightened "progressive" mind such as myself)...to the ramparts!!!

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 21:47 | Link to Comment e_goldstein
Sun, 02/24/2013 - 21:48 | Link to Comment Freddie
Freddie's picture

TV, Hollywood and the Oscars are for retards who enjoy being brainwashed.

The Abe movie is pro-Obummer big govt let's have another Civil War evilness.  

The other CIA Affleck movie is more liberal CIA Operation Mockingbird crap. 

The public is so clueless how this shit is total propaganda and mind control trash for idiots.

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 22:33 | Link to Comment Cosimo de Medici
Cosimo de Medici's picture

Says the man who championed Millers Crossing a few thousand posts ago, aka last week.

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 01:19 | Link to Comment Freddie
Freddie's picture

I woke up since I saw Miler's Crossing a long time ago.  I thought and still think John Tutorro is a good actor usually playing creepy guys.  His line about what is the play in MC was pretty good.

For the past 6 to 7 years - I cannot stomach Hollywood's trash or TV.  Full on brainwashing for idiots.

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 13:10 | Link to Comment Overfed
Overfed's picture

+1 on John Turturro. One of the best actors out there, and totally underrated.

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 13:21 | Link to Comment Overfed
Overfed's picture

Duplicate post. Dammit.

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 22:34 | Link to Comment Pure Evil
Pure Evil's picture

Shhhhsss........Freddie, don't give the secret of the Big Lie away.

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 00:00 | Link to Comment knukles
knukles's picture

Ding ding ding ding ding
We have a wide awake spectator in the audience tonight.

 

And the greatest bit o' horseshit in Perceptions Management with Agro (or whatever that fucking Affleck thing is called) is that first, the "producers were aided in information as to the operation by the CIA"
Uh-huh
Then, there's that story a surfacin' that top secret information was leaked by the movie

Whadda Bit o' Horseshit
Oh, it's just soooooooooo inside the smooth working of the CIA, people you are blessed they are on our side, FFS....

Makes you proud to be an.... etc.

Ya kno, this being awake stuff is sometimes not all its cracked up to be....

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 00:28 | Link to Comment newdoobie
newdoobie's picture

Jeez - Shut up and have a drink

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 21:04 | Link to Comment ISEEIT
ISEEIT's picture

Being 'normal' would be so much more painless.

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 00:02 | Link to Comment knukles
knukles's picture

My apologies... I posted the prior before reading yours.
Troof blutha

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 21:06 | Link to Comment Alcoholic Nativ...
Alcoholic Native American's picture

Zero Dark Thirty all the way.  Brilliant performance.

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 21:37 | Link to Comment NewThor
NewThor's picture

"We have no technology that can hear through walls."

 

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 22:10 | Link to Comment otto skorzeny
otto skorzeny's picture

if you believe any of the bullshit in ZD30( A CIA Production) I have a bunch of Lehman Bros stock to sell you.

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 22:28 | Link to Comment NewThor
NewThor's picture

Osama Bin Laden dieing of Kidney failure in 2003 would have

made a boring movie, don't you agree?

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 22:46 | Link to Comment Pure Evil
Pure Evil's picture

No, I think a 3-D version of Bin Laden hooked to a dialysis machine for 6 hours would probably be more emotionally and intellectually honest.

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 22:53 | Link to Comment Cosimo de Medici
Cosimo de Medici's picture

You must be a physician, too, and work for the uninsured division of Mèdecins sans Frontières.


Sun, 02/24/2013 - 22:35 | Link to Comment Cosimo de Medici
Cosimo de Medici's picture

What's your best offer?  If your valuation analysis is anywhere near as faulty as your self-assured belief system based on absolutely zero firsthand knowledge, I might bid for the whole float.

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 23:51 | Link to Comment otto skorzeny
otto skorzeny's picture

you will be a favored snitch by the guards at the FEMA camp

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 01:25 | Link to Comment Vendetta
Vendetta's picture

Like 9/11. 

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 21:08 | Link to Comment Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

  Tyler you made my day! A swilling game for the Hollywood degenerates. I'll watch and forget. We need a drinking cloud.

  Hell, based on my weekly charts, the algo's don't start sucking you in until just before New York opens on Tuesdays. Yes, Tyler I follow your pattern specific charting, and do some of my own! +1

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 21:08 | Link to Comment A Lunatic
A Lunatic's picture

The Thinking man is not watching the fucking Oscars. The Drinking man is not watching the fucking Oscars. The Emasculated, Tweeting, Metrosexual, Facebooking, Volt Driving Loser man........ probably.

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 22:51 | Link to Comment Kirk2NCC1701
Kirk2NCC1701's picture

Cheers to that! My wife is watching the Oscars. I'm blogging on ZH.  Bitchez!

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 22:58 | Link to Comment icanhasbailout
icanhasbailout's picture

The thinking man knows this is the best night of the year to be "working late at the office" if you know what I mean

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 13:13 | Link to Comment Overfed
Overfed's picture

I was working on re-reading LOTR while my wife watched the Oscars. I swear, that story gets better and more relevant every time I read it.

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 21:08 | Link to Comment nmewn
nmewn's picture

Who are the Oscars?

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 21:16 | Link to Comment ISEEIT
ISEEIT's picture

Just stop with the endless conspiracy theory crap already.

Can't you just fucking sleep?

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 21:21 | Link to Comment Hedgetard55
Hedgetard55's picture

Don't fuck with my homeboy, prick.

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 21:23 | Link to Comment nmewn
nmewn's picture

He was jdoking ;-)

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 21:22 | Link to Comment nmewn
nmewn's picture

lol...jdorner unchained!!!

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 04:27 | Link to Comment Manic by Proxy
Manic by Proxy's picture

Wilde? De  la Renta? The Grouch?

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 21:11 | Link to Comment chump666
chump666's picture

Zero Dark Thirty

Rum, ginger ale, quartered limes, squeezed and dropped into high ball glass with ice.

Fine movie.

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 21:12 | Link to Comment ISEEIT
ISEEIT's picture

Really...The Oscars could be that 'watershed' moment that humanity has been waiting for. Maybe this will be that breaking event..?

Perhaps the last of us will finally be drowned in the matrix of deciet as we sit calmly and ever so stoned in front of the executioner?

Maybe huh?

The conditioning is strong...But I'm still alive so it isn't 100% effective.

Provin' it since 1965!

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 21:14 | Link to Comment Cabreado
Cabreado's picture

Circuses are, in fact, a real thing...

 

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 21:19 | Link to Comment Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

 Nice work! This might be better then the elections. Off to the store I go for some party treats. ;-)

 

  It's time for Hollywood to get some good old fashion fisting from Z/H.

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 21:17 | Link to Comment israhole
israhole's picture

Forget TV, I like to read:

"* If you stop and think a minute, the PEONAGE system is really what America is under, right the ef now. Instead of company tokens and wealthy Yankee Robber Barons, they now have beautifully printed pieces of paper and national debt slavery to NWO Globalist Jew bankers. Think about it a little and you’ll get what’s really behind the “culture wars” business (actually anti-White brainwashing and Marxist social manipulations)."

 

http://incogman.net/2013/02/jew-controlled-media-continues-the-white-hat...

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 21:19 | Link to Comment Bill D. Cat
Bill D. Cat's picture

Anne Hathaways' nips could cut glass tonite .

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 22:10 | Link to Comment Boondocker
Boondocker's picture

pictures???

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 10:07 | Link to Comment djcando
djcando's picture

 

 

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 06:46 | Link to Comment e-recep
e-recep's picture

shame about the face though.

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 21:20 | Link to Comment blindman
blindman's picture

you know you live in a declining empire when ....
all your celebrations, ceremonies, rewards and awards
are either a result of brain damage or a cause of it.
.
or .....

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 22:18 | Link to Comment Pure Evil
Pure Evil's picture

......you re-elect a brown Full Retard that spends more time on vacation and living it up with celebrities than pursuing policies that put the unemployed back to work.

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 23:53 | Link to Comment otto skorzeny
otto skorzeny's picture

funny dat-the bros give him a free pass when it comes to skyrocketing bro unemployment.

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 00:08 | Link to Comment knukles
knukles's picture

Now why the fuck could that be?

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 01:29 | Link to Comment blindman
blindman's picture

when your first lady presents the picture of the
year oscar to the producers of the cia's production
in full and open collaboration with the hollywood
star system establishment.
Best Propaganda Film (OSCAR 2013 SPOILER! LEAKED CLIP!!)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Clza1XVA0SI

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 21:21 | Link to Comment robertocarlos
robertocarlos's picture

You find yourself admiring Tom Cruise's beard.

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 15:56 | Link to Comment Jena
Jena's picture

Who was he?

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 21:21 | Link to Comment Hedgetard55
Hedgetard55's picture

Roger Maris, all class, all the time.

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 21:25 | Link to Comment ISEEIT
ISEEIT's picture
The Thinking, Drinking, And Tweeting Man's Guide To The Oscars..

Oh you are actually funny. Thank you for offering me an anchor, with chain attached so as that I can justify not giving up. If I was the only 'crazy' person then cowardice would be my lover instead.

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 21:26 | Link to Comment Larry Dallas
Larry Dallas's picture

Fuck this bullshit. I'd rather watch "How It's Made" than this self-congratulatory shit.

But I have to get through my local network anchors doing the fucking Harlem Shake first....

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 22:36 | Link to Comment Tijuana Donkey Show
Tijuana Donkey Show's picture

I prefer to watch "How it's laid" a fine documentary about how I teach some young innocent girl how to stretch for the star(fish). 

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 22:42 | Link to Comment Kirk2NCC1701
Kirk2NCC1701's picture

+1 from me. My wife watched SNL last night, and I watched "How it's Made". She fell asleep, I didn't. :-)

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 21:29 | Link to Comment which way weste...
which way western man's picture

ah yes.......yet another "jewish" awards show hosted by "jews" presenting "awards" to "jews" and philo semites for "jewish" themes, propaganda and crime cover-ups.

I'll pass.

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 21:59 | Link to Comment Pseudo Anonym
Pseudo Anonym's picture

dont be grumpy.  it's a club.  the jews are in.  you're not.  it's that simple.

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 22:15 | Link to Comment otto skorzeny
otto skorzeny's picture

I watch schindler's list and then shut it off-the last few scenes ruin an otherwise fun movie

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 22:37 | Link to Comment Tijuana Donkey Show
Tijuana Donkey Show's picture

YIKES. I dunno how to vote that one. I feel it would be better if it was Weinstein's List. 

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 22:38 | Link to Comment which way weste...
which way western man's picture

"swindler's mist"......no business like shoah business

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 22:57 | Link to Comment which way weste...
which way western man's picture

I like to watch "roots" backwards.......it has a much happier ending that way

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 22:19 | Link to Comment optimator
optimator's picture

You'll miss Steven Speilberg picking up at least one award.  He always does.

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 21:30 | Link to Comment Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

I could by a few bars of xag with one of those Oscar party favor bags.

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 21:33 | Link to Comment IridiumRebel
IridiumRebel's picture

Please pick up a white courtesy phone....you have an urgent message.....

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 22:02 | Link to Comment Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

 Sorry Iridium, I literally went for a run down the hill to the Liquior Store.( takes too long to drive) Those Hollywood wankers don't rent space in my mind. I would never turn down a chance to emasculate those douches on Z/H though.

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 21:31 | Link to Comment fuu
fuu's picture

Paging Freddy...

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 02:14 | Link to Comment Likstane
Likstane's picture

I'll fill in for him.   Don't give those f****ng Hollyweird pervs a minute of your time.  Turn off your TEE VEE.

 

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 21:37 | Link to Comment robertocarlos
robertocarlos's picture

Khan!!!! This is lame, I'm switching to women's curling.

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 21:42 | Link to Comment derryb
derryb's picture

fuk hollywood, i get all the entertainment i need right out of washington.

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 21:42 | Link to Comment Charles Nelson ...
Charles Nelson Reilly's picture

I'd rather buy martini's for and drink with MillionDollarBonus than watch these narcissistic fucks self congratulate themselves all night.

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 21:48 | Link to Comment GOSPLAN HERO
GOSPLAN HERO's picture

The Oscars - it's just a gaggle of rich socialist hypocrites and shit stains.

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 21:46 | Link to Comment azengrcat
azengrcat's picture

Lord Teleprompter approves this message

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 21:49 | Link to Comment peter4805
peter4805's picture

Another Bullshit media circus for the dumbed down masses.

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 01:48 | Link to Comment Vendetta
Vendetta's picture

just like the political system

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 21:56 | Link to Comment MoneyThangs
MoneyThangs's picture

Funny how ZH forgets to mention that the stock market is a true indicator of a country and a presidents success which makes Obama is probaly the best president in the history of the US

 

How about a +1 for some Obama love up in here

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 21:57 | Link to Comment Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture
Lay of the "korn nuts" Money Thang. "probaly" You fucking retard! How's that basement(you live in) wrapping dime bags treating you?
Sun, 02/24/2013 - 21:58 | Link to Comment nmewn
nmewn's picture

ROTFL!!!...a tragic comedy has been nominated?

Who are the stars, whats the name?

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 22:27 | Link to Comment Pure Evil
Pure Evil's picture

I give Obama all the love he needs, everytime I pinch a deuce while sitting on my royal porcelain throne.

And life couldn't be better with Berstank printing all the TP I could ever need!

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 22:00 | Link to Comment Oldwood
Oldwood's picture

When graded on a very steep curve.

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 22:01 | Link to Comment Hedgetard55
Hedgetard55's picture

MDB you are not, fucknuts.

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 04:21 | Link to Comment Manic by Proxy
Manic by Proxy's picture

I be hearing' Obama spent some quality time with "Big Cushion" Mooshelle and get'n the stank back on his hang down.

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 21:58 | Link to Comment q99x2
q99x2's picture

I don't watch TV so I had no motivation to watch any of those 5 movies. I can't believe it I did not watch a single one of them. I'm not interested in what other people are doing. Lordy lordy I'm becoming an indibidual.

Oh no I'm not that's right I watched Resident Evil 3D at the theater. It was not one of the better REs but the 3D made it fun.

Watched naked Angelina Jolie kill all the heros in Beowulf last week. It was not much of a story to begin with but they followed a lot of the cotton vitellius A xv.

Maybe its Hollywood's new method of copyright protection. Make them so bad that no one will want to steal them.

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 22:07 | Link to Comment Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

 This is rich. (Robert wake up in the wrong house Jr.)and Samuel ass clown Jackson giving awards for humanity!

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 22:10 | Link to Comment toys for tits
toys for tits's picture

The super bowl was postponed in 2002 because the season lost a week after 9/11.

The NFL had to pay - if memory serves - a car dealer's association a bunch of money to switch weeks with them.

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 22:22 | Link to Comment reader2010
reader2010's picture

After all, they are just two corporatocracy events.

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 22:21 | Link to Comment tnquake
tnquake's picture

And the Oscar for the "Best Printer" goes to Ben "the Fed" Buttanke

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Lrt1urYRFo

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 22:25 | Link to Comment Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

 I'm over this shit. I just can't find that " liberal daRK SPOT" in my soul . Have fun Bitchez. The outcome of this giant " concocted parlor game" has Zero/Outcome on my life.

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 22:31 | Link to Comment Frank N. Beans
Frank N. Beans's picture

Shirley Bassey singing Goldfinger.

 

by far the best part of the show, and worth the wait.

 

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 22:57 | Link to Comment Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

  She was good frank. I was scanning for CNBS Asia, and caught that one. I'm a Bond fan. +1

  If { He/She? has a foreign accent take a big swig}... por favor

    John Travolta? Massage Master De Jour'?  I love messing with these liberals. It's great!

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 22:52 | Link to Comment Kirk2NCC1701
Kirk2NCC1701's picture

Hey, show some respect!  I'm giving the Oscars two Gold-Finger awards.  Way Up!

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 22:59 | Link to Comment Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

 I think Frank was right. I like the Bond Films. I think you're right. I wouldn't waste my gold on this shit though.

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 00:16 | Link to Comment Kirk2NCC1701
Kirk2NCC1701's picture

It was a figure of speech, as in "to give a finger".   And a reference to "two thumbs way up" ;-)

 

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 22:57 | Link to Comment ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

Meryl Streep most nominations and Peter O'Toole never winning.

Shallow dumbshits.

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 23:14 | Link to Comment Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

 This was the most "elloquent" - " magnanimous"- display of {American ingenuity} ever displayed... 

  The youth of America are being tought her history via "2 hour" video cliff notes. Even the English teach History proper!

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 23:23 | Link to Comment Northern Lights
Northern Lights's picture

I'm not watching it.  Haven't seen either Lincoln or Zero Dark 30. Saw Argo.  Mildly entertaining.

I've noticed that in the past, whenever the US Government was about to go to war, or go on the offensive, a ton of these war/government/feel-good propaganda films would come out.  A subliminal message to rally the sheeple to support the cause.

I believe Daniel D Lewis will win best actor and Lincoln will be best film.  The votes came in directly from the whitehouse on this years Oscars.  Don't believe the hype that the press-guild had anything to do with the votes.

Ironic that a figure like Lincoln who was all about preserving and honoring the Constitution will be voted in by a bunch of thieves and crooks who are all about dismantling all those same rights that Lincoln stood for.

 

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 23:36 | Link to Comment which way weste...
which way western man's picture

lincoln was a piece of shit tyrant who should be dug up and shot again

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 23:45 | Link to Comment akak
akak's picture

Not only that, his vile corpse should be tarred, feathered, shot again, wrapped in a Stars and Bars, shot again, dumped into a toxic waste dump, shot again, covered in acid, dissolved into a putrid liquid residue, poured into the ground at Gettysburg, Bull Run, Antietam and Fredericksburg in memory of hundreds of thousands whose deaths lie directly on his head .... and shot again.

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 23:46 | Link to Comment which way weste...
which way western man's picture

I like the way you think

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 03:10 | Link to Comment Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

 Well done AKAK. Lincoln was in fact a subjctaking asshole. Lincoln was in fact "Carteresque". A Giant pussy.

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 07:13 | Link to Comment e-recep
e-recep's picture

come on, open up. tell us what you really feel about him.

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 00:00 | Link to Comment otto skorzeny
otto skorzeny's picture

funny how the older we get and the more cynical we get the more critical our thinking of historical events and figures become e.g. Lincoln, FDR etc.

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 00:19 | Link to Comment which way weste...
which way western man's picture

unfortunately a smart man learns the way of the lying and pervasive jew and the scales fall from the eyes,

Hitler was 100% right about everything.

"We were not foolish enough to try to make a currency coverage of gold of which we had none, but for every mark that was issued we required the equivalent of a mark's worth of work done or goods produced. . . .we laugh at the time our national financiers held the view that the value of a currency is regulated by the gold and securities lying in the vaults of a state bank." -Adolf Hitler, 1937 (CC Veith, Citadels of Chaos, Meador, 1949.)

"And it proved sound. It worked. In less than ten years Germany became easily the most powerful state in Europe. It worked so magically and magnificently that it sounded the death knell of the entire (Zionist) Jewish money system. World Jewry knew that they had to destroy Hitler's system, by whatever means might prove necessary, or their own [system of usury] would necessarily die. And if it died, with it must die their dream and their hope of making themselves masters of the world. The primary issue over which World War II was fought was to determine which money system was to survive. At bottom it was not a war between Germany and the so-called allies. Primarily it was war to the death between Germany and the International Money Power." --William Gayley Simpson, 'Which Way Western Man' (p.642)

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 04:13 | Link to Comment Kirk2NCC1701
Kirk2NCC1701's picture

Funny how history is indeed written by the victors.  In the scheme of things, Lincoln had far more failures than (lucky) successes.  Here is a sample:

A list of Abraham Lincoln’s Failures and few successes:
  • 1831 - Lost his job
  • 1832 - Defeated in run for Illinois State Legislature
  • 1833 - Failed in business
  • 1834 - Elected to Illinois State Legislature (success)
  • 1835 - Sweetheart died
  • 1836 - Had nervous breakdown
  • 1838 - Defeated in run for Illinois House Speaker
  • 1843 - Defeated in run for nomination for U.S. Congress
  • 1846 - Elected to Congress (success)
  • 1848 - Lost re-nomination
  • 1849 - Rejected for land officer position
  • 1854 - Defeated in run for U.S. Senate
  • 1856 - Defeated in run for nomination for Vice President
  • 1858 - Again defeated in run for U.S. Senate
  • 1860 - Elected President (success)
  • Closet gay.  Lived with a man and shared a bed wit him.  Research it.
Mon, 02/25/2013 - 07:26 | Link to Comment nmewn
nmewn's picture

He'd be overqualified by todays standards.

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 23:28 | Link to Comment ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

Have to say I miss real Men and Women being in the movies, and movies having scripts, and people having balls.

A few good ones left but most are wastrels of suburbia.

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 23:34 | Link to Comment Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

 Drones. ebworthen     Good post.

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 23:34 | Link to Comment tom a taxpayer
tom a taxpayer's picture

Best Special Effects - Ben Bernanke, Federal Reserve Studio.

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 23:36 | Link to Comment Kirk2NCC1701
Kirk2NCC1701's picture

Best Drone Award goes to [drum-roll]...

Sun, 02/24/2013 - 23:50 | Link to Comment Intoxicologist
Intoxicologist's picture

Ho hum.  The Oscars?  Five years ago I turned my DirecTV dish into a birdbath.

Tonight I think I'll throw in "The International" and go to bed early.

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 00:03 | Link to Comment otto skorzeny
otto skorzeny's picture

last good movie ever made. clive is the shit-check him out in Croupier.

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 00:22 | Link to Comment Intoxicologist
Intoxicologist's picture

Thanks, I will!

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 00:47 | Link to Comment awakening
awakening's picture

I wonder how much tungsten is in those little statues, probably a bit less this year since Benny and the Jets are going to need it all for the one way trip to Germany =S

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 00:57 | Link to Comment ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

I'm going to be sick...

The First Lady introducing the Best Picture category?

How completely innappropriate!  How tawdry!

What has happened to this country? 

Gag, cough, choke, barf!

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 01:40 | Link to Comment Vendetta
Vendetta's picture

You're kidding right?  Fuck me, you're not! I guess I was lucky I had to leave the house shortly after Ted's remarks which were fairly accurate and truthful

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 03:11 | Link to Comment Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

Respectfully ( Eff You)

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 04:02 | Link to Comment ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

No, serious, it was surreal - Michelle with her bangs and an evening gown and what looked like service members in dress uniform in the background.  She was introduced by Jack Nicholson who was drunk, on drugs, or playing a character playing himself.

Leaders?  Oh no, celebrities as leaders - leaders as celebrities.

The yearbook committee is in charge of the MSM and country.

Rome is burning, can you smell it?

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 04:21 | Link to Comment awakening
awakening's picture

"Rome is burning, can you smell it?"

mmmmm Bacon. :P

Seriously, IMO when you smell the smoke from that it will be too late to escape the blaze.

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 04:18 | Link to Comment Kirk2NCC1701
Kirk2NCC1701's picture

My middle-schooler called "Argo wins!" as soon as she saw Michelle surrounded by the military troupe.  Smart kid.

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 03:15 | Link to Comment Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

 Have any of you eaten those nasty "wood slugs"! They just pop in your mouth! I should have done buds. I was too busy with being a civilian gunny!

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 14:25 | Link to Comment CaptainSpaulding
CaptainSpaulding's picture

Thank God for Columbo. I watched the Swan swan episode with actor par excellence Johnny Cash accompanied by a glass of Carlo Rossi merlot and a cusano cigar. What is Oscar?

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