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Boehner To Calm Fears (Or Not) - Live Webcast

Tyler Durden's picture


While it appears the Speaker has decided to hold his comments until after the cash markets close at 4pm ET, we suspect futures will get a kick out of his always-reassuring tone. Following the President's earlier demands for no sequester and more spending, we suspect Boehner will fully acquiesce and agree to a pony in everyone's stocking too... or not. Full webcast below.


Live stream by Ustream


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Mon, 02/25/2013 - 16:57 | 3275036 hedgeless_horseman
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Boehner To Calm Fears...

"Morgan Stanley is fine!"

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 16:58 | 3275044 redpill
redpill's picture

If he cries, drink the whole f'n bottle

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 16:59 | 3275052 Almost Solvent
Almost Solvent's picture

Wait, he holds pressers where he doesn't cry?

Or at least have to clear his throat as his eyes moisten?

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 17:26 | 3275190 ChrisDG74
ChrisDG74's picture

#1 for the Bloodhound Gang reference.

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 18:08 | 3275414 DoChenRollingBearing
DoChenRollingBearing's picture

Is anyone scared?  Yes, I can understand.  Some people might be more worried about .gov incompetence and/or evil than others.  Some technologies are more robust than others...

"Mid-Twentieth Century Technology"

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 17:46 | 3275288 Tijuana Donkey Show
Tijuana Donkey Show's picture

Kneeding my junk like two hard boiled eggs in a tube sock........

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 17:04 | 3275076 a growing concern
a growing concern's picture

That never seems to work with my wife...

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 17:23 | 3275176 ShorTed
ShorTed's picture

Archer...awesome +1

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 17:08 | 3275089 Groundhog Day
Groundhog Day's picture

They are repeating the same thing 4 times, nice

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 17:08 | 3275091 GolfHatesMe
GolfHatesMe's picture

Where's the Word Cloud?

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 17:14 | 3275138 Sudden Debt
Sudden Debt's picture

Pony, it's what's for dinner...

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 16:57 | 3275038 Banksters
Banksters's picture

Jon Corzine is still free.  



Mon, 02/25/2013 - 16:58 | 3275041 stinkhammer
stinkhammer's picture

buy the dip you dips!!

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 16:58 | 3275042 lolmao500
lolmao500's picture

The guy is a total RIhNO... he should be shot and we could make some nice stuff with his ivory.

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 17:07 | 3275083 bigkahuna
bigkahuna's picture

The DC politicians are all oligarchists. They care not for their country, only for their bank accounts. The left/right appearance is nothing but an appearance.

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 18:05 | 3275404 eclectic syncretist
eclectic syncretist's picture

This fucking poser is always playing to the gallery.  Yet another narcissistic sociopathic loser without a clue as to what true patriotism is.  Where the hell do Jamie Dimon, Lloyd Blankenstein, and the other banksters find these crazy fuckers???!!  Why are we letting them put them in charge of our future??!!!!  Is this really the best we've got????  WTF, over?

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 16:59 | 3275043 TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

Sequestration = 1/3 of one percent (as implemented over a few short years) of annual federal budget.

And it's the end of the world as they claim it.




Mon, 02/25/2013 - 17:00 | 3275055 saints51
saints51's picture

We've been fucked since birth. We are just seeing the final act.

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 17:05 | 3275078 Nothing To See Here
Nothing To See Here's picture

Hmm no, that's still to come. After SHTF, wait for the OWS movement to take control. MOAR goverment without banks = socialist utopia. That will be America's final act.

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 17:08 | 3275090 bigkahuna
bigkahuna's picture

The banks are not letting go until the last drop is squeezed.

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 17:13 | 3275116 Lore
Lore's picture

Grassroots totalitarianism, bitchez!


Mon, 02/25/2013 - 17:21 | 3275165 eatthebanksters
eatthebanksters's picture

They are trying so hard to kick the can and keep things going because they know their fate if the shit hits the fan. Geithner is laughing is ass of right now playing gin with Corzine, Lewis and Mozillo.

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 19:01 | 3275605 TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

Hey....wait a minute....

85 billion of total sequestration "cuts" (aka slow in GROWTH of spending) = 85 billion per month in Bernanke POMO...


Heyyyyy....waaaaiiiiit a minute........

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 17:09 | 3275097 lolmao500
lolmao500's picture

THEY are so fucked. They will hang. Only a question of when, not if.

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 16:58 | 3275046 mdtrader
mdtrader's picture

And they all liquidated their gold for equities in the last 2 weeks! Ha ha.

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 16:59 | 3275049 saints51
saints51's picture

Another one of these sitcoms. Geez this shit is so old.

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 16:59 | 3275053 dwdollar
dwdollar's picture

Haha... faked you suckerz again! ~Bonehead

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 17:00 | 3275057 lolmao500
lolmao500's picture

Fear?? What fear?? Did I miss something?? Is the boogeyman coming to eat us or what?

Anyone ``afraid`` of the sequester belongs in a mental institution.

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 17:01 | 3275058 kaiserhoff
kaiserhoff's picture

There's a name for this shit in DC.  They call it the Washington Monument Complex.

Whenever someone suggests cutting the budget, the kleptocrats immediately decide the only non-essential things to cut are the national parks, border control, access to the Smithsonian (and the Mall, hence the Monument), and the FAA (planes colliding).

May they rot in Hell.

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 17:29 | 3275206 Temporalist
Temporalist's picture

Because their whole "shovel ready" economic theory and policies will collapse with all the layoffs/firings they will have once their sugardaddy Fed stops paying the rent, electric and water bills.


Long cardboard boxes and sleeping bags

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 17:03 | 3275064 tony bonn
tony bonn's picture

boehner will fold like a cheap negligee....that is a job requirement for republicans....gingrich showed the way in the 90s with his little boy histrionics.....he will huff, puff, and bluff, but will fold on cue - either today or in the very near future....

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 17:03 | 3275066 booboo
booboo's picture

*Boehner stiffens, Obama cries out in pain

*Stunning photo's of Uranus

More at 5 o'clock

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 17:04 | 3275072 scatterbrains
scatterbrains's picture

666 bitchezz

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 17:07 | 3275073 Kaiser Sousa
Kaiser Sousa's picture

why dont Boner just say what they sayin on Bloomberg and CNBS...

"its Italy's fault...."

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 17:04 | 3275074 Edward Fiatski
Edward Fiatski's picture

"Help us, Ben-Kenobi, you're our only Hope."

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 18:23 | 3275472 NoWayJose
NoWayJose's picture

Heck! Even the dark side Emperor looks good next to these clowns.

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 17:05 | 3275077 orangegeek
orangegeek's picture

Nice fucking sell off in the final hour.  Now it's time to get afraid JB and there's nothing you can say or do.

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 17:09 | 3275092 Tidewater
Tidewater's picture

If the sequestration cuts go through, there may not be enough horsemeat for teachers and emergency responders.

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 17:32 | 3275220 Rustysilver
Rustysilver's picture


Teachers and responders are first in line. They will be enough for them. Others may have to settle for pony or donkey meat.

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 17:52 | 3275325 adr
adr's picture

Hey Pony meat gotta be like veal right?

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 22:20 | 3276252 Ropingdown
Ropingdown's picture

They've served (assume they still do) horse steaks once a week for decades at the Harvard Faculty Club.  What's wrong with horse?

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 22:19 | 3276248 Ropingdown
Ropingdown's picture

How the hell did federal taxpayers get on the hook for local teacheers and cops/ff's in the first place?  Through pandering to unions so as to sway elections.  Those powers are retained by the states, who damned well ought to pay for them.  Good.  Lay off some teachers and cops.  Let neighbors look out for each other.  Let students be told it is their job to learn, read, study.  We did better with 40 kids per class than they do today with 16.  Jobs programs for votes, but with costs to us that run for a generation. It makes me ill.

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 17:09 | 3275093 hooligan2009
hooligan2009's picture

so far so good...85 billion in cuts done..just the odd 1.5 trillion to go to return to surpluses and start repaying debt down from 100% of GDP to 50% so that the economy can grow at 5%!!!

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 17:23 | 3275177 blu
blu's picture

Nothing to it.

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 17:09 | 3275094 saints51
saints51's picture



We have a spending problem and need cuts..... NO SHIT MOTHER FUCKER. What tipped you off?

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 17:09 | 3275095 Tursas
Tursas's picture

What a joke from Boehner!  Who is in charge of our conquest of the world?

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 17:09 | 3275096 ptoemmes
Mon, 02/25/2013 - 17:10 | 3275099 williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture


Mon, 02/25/2013 - 17:16 | 3275145 bigkahuna
bigkahuna's picture

he aint got the guts...

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 17:16 | 3275147 Race Car Driver
Race Car Driver's picture

He's just another fuckin' drunk in DC.

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 17:36 | 3275237 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture


Mon, 02/25/2013 - 17:09 | 3275100 Kaiser Sousa
Kaiser Sousa's picture

i loved the scene from the NYSE and the Nasdaq showing muppets clapping at the close while the Dow was dropping 232 points....fucking surreal...

and of course another moron on CNBC sayin he's still buying cause shit is still so cheap and the reovery is still under way...fucking sociopaths r hilarious sometimes...

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 17:12 | 3275117 hooligan2009
hooligan2009's picture

don't forget those talking heads earn 2 million a year...just as well as their stock picks certainly don't...great reverse indicators though...goes to prove that assholes are useful!

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 17:10 | 3275104 thismarketisrigged
thismarketisrigged's picture

watching the level 2 trading on my etrade account and seeing the red flash by non stop was a thing of beauty.


i hope this is just the beggining.

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 17:11 | 3275107 Motorhead
Motorhead's picture

Boehner is such a wanker.  Ooops, I shouldn't have said that as he might start crying.

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 22:15 | 3276235 Ropingdown
Ropingdown's picture

He has to look sad, as if he's connected to the suffering.  Obama?  Same thing. Stagecraft.  Fine.  Obama insisted on the sequester provision.  Now it's working.  Good.  Time to cut spending.  The Fed's balance sheet holds real danger.  Credit contraction now will sort the wheat from the chaff.  Consumers have already retreated a bit, marking the beginning of "Is your f'g product really necessary?,"  and excellent game.  Europe's slid into the tank.  No reason we should pick up their pieces.  China can't afford to, either. 

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 17:11 | 3275108 SillySalesmanQu...
SillySalesmanQuestion's picture


Mon, 02/25/2013 - 17:35 | 3275158 tickhound
tickhound's picture

The system doesn't care how TOTUS or anyone feels about spending.  It requires credit expansion.  Anything else is noise.

"We can't SPEND our way to prosperity"

"We can't CUT our way to prosperity"

Obama switches the narrative when necessary, every four to eight, just like everyone else.  TOTUS has a role to play as Patriot Credit Expander in Chief.  The system determines this role.  And he readily conforms.

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 17:44 | 3275275 ndetmer
ndetmer's picture

Isn't the game of switch where you have one thumb in your ass, the other in your mouth and you switch?

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 17:12 | 3275118 100pcDredge
100pcDredge's picture

Say what?! What's he saying?? Volume?

Oh, I'm sorry, I still has 2 bananas in my ears.

But, don't worry!: I do not have children... and I am not even an American... still... I'm right here to save the American Dream - I do this for my 2 cats an nobody else!

Here: there you go.

But don't tell anyone.

And back2sleepzZzz.

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 17:16 | 3275126 Savyindallas
Savyindallas's picture

Hey Boehner you fraud! You want cuts to save your childrens' future?  Let's cut the 50,000 drones the Republicans want flying over our country! Get rid of the TSA goons -quit bailing out criminal Banksters  -quit starting foolish , ruinous wars for AIPAC  - Haven't you had your head up AIPAC's and Netanyahu's ass for too long? What's the matter, are republicans addicted to methane? Afraid to pull their heads out and smell the sweet odor of Liberty? You stinking Fraud  -go to hell and take that compromised Homosexual Lyndsey Graham with you-and that syphyllitic retard McCain too.

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 17:22 | 3275171 Hacksaw
Hacksaw's picture

Wow, tell us what you really think. I like it!

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 17:19 | 3275159 Bingfa
Bingfa's picture

What a freaking banana republic we've become.

The whole thing is like a surreal SNL skit

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 17:50 | 3275315 blu
blu's picture

Future generations will not be amused.

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 22:10 | 3276223 Ropingdown
Ropingdown's picture

Present generations are not amused, just oblivious to the 51% level.

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 17:38 | 3275247 A. Buttle
A. Buttle's picture

He appears to have been secastrated, probably back in high school.

"Frankie, you brought the knife?"


"We gonna have some mountain oysters for dinner tonight. Now hold still you little shit."

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 17:55 | 3275353 xiam007
xiam007's picture

Please don't Cry John Boehner....

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 18:21 | 3275461 NoWayJose
NoWayJose's picture

Boehner is a modern day 'Cave (in) Man'. The worst Speaker in 60 years.

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 22:09 | 3276217 Ropingdown
Ropingdown's picture

Who cares how Boehner speaks?  This isn't a rhetorical skills problem.  We need to cut federeal spending, and cut it now.  Obama thought he saw the way clear to yet another tax increase.  Even with the sequester spending will be up this year, due to civil servant salary increases, medicare, and social security provisions.  Talk like cave men, fine! Just start cutting federal spending.

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 18:30 | 3275491 Albertarocks
Albertarocks's picture

Talk about a dumb politician with typical horrid timing.  He's going to take a hell of a hit when the market tanks on his words.  Because it's in tank mode regardless.  Just goes to show how incredibly out of touch with the market those posers really are.

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 19:21 | 3275661 jay28elle
jay28elle's picture

So just do what Ben does regardless of what is the right thing to do or say?

Time to stop pussy footing around and get biz done.


(The market needs a nice correction in order to resumr its march to 20K, anyway.)

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 18:33 | 3275503 Overfed
Overfed's picture

Well, fuck. If they want to save $100B a year, why not abolish the entire DHS/TSA?

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 23:07 | 3276404 goldfish1
goldfish1's picture

Now THAT would be a step in the right direction.

Mon, 02/25/2013 - 19:17 | 3275642 jay28elle
jay28elle's picture

I finally agree 100% with Boehner.  Call stupid jerk Obama's bluff.

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