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Two Cows: The Infographic

Tyler Durden's picture


There are many complexities in the socio-economic structures that the nations (and corporations) of the world have used (and abused) over the years. Volumes have been written to explain the intricacies of Capitalism, Fascism, Communism, and Socialism; and how these impact various corporations from Iran to Greece to Australia. However, in the interest of brevity, the following infographic - utilizing nothing more than two cows (which perhaps should now be horses, considering their inflationary displacement capacity for firms like IKEA and Nestle) to provide everything you need to know about ecomoomic s.



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Tue, 02/26/2013 - 15:08 | 3278543 francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

A Jewish corporation:


Create a paper market out of them... Start a [LEGAL TENDER] fiat currency system...  then pile on derivatives while you devalue the paper to zero...

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 15:08 | 3278557 MillionDollarBonus_
MillionDollarBonus_'s picture

My Autobiography - Part 2

A Virtuous Life - A story of courage, integrity and bravery
At the age of six, I was sent to a prestigious boarding school in Connecticut. From the very beginning, I knew I was a gifted child. I excelled in politics, modern history and Latin, and at the end of my first year I was awarded the headmaster's  award for best overall student. My school years had a fundamental influence on my attitudes toward academia and my appreciation for academic credentials. 

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 15:11 | 3278569 tickhound
tickhound's picture



Cuba imports cigars from him.  Mosquitoes won't bite him, out of respect.

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 15:12 | 3278571 Motorhead
Motorhead's picture

Sounds like Simon Black.

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 15:14 | 3278584 francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

I forgot to mention [above]... PRINT as many free paper cows for yourself at your leisure once you've achieved the franchise...

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 15:21 | 3278610 hedgeless_horseman
hedgeless_horseman's picture



California's 43rd Congressional District

You have two cows...

...send one to DC...

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 15:21 | 3278621 espirit
espirit's picture


Tue, 02/26/2013 - 15:29 | 3278644 Richard Chesler
Richard Chesler's picture

You have no cows. Mainstream media reports you have 7 cows and growing.

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 15:33 | 3278656 kaiserhoff
kaiserhoff's picture

Affirmative Action Corporation:

You take the dumbest, ugliest, blackest bovine you can find and make him President-for-Life.

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 15:59 | 3278805 Pure Evil
Pure Evil's picture

After scrolling down to comment on MDB I forgot what I was going to say.

Oh yeah, MDB what was the award for?

Now I remember, the award was for being a pretensious twit.

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 17:45 | 3279337 TerminalDebt
TerminalDebt's picture

Its not true, Kiwis are not cow shaggers they are sheep shaggers

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 17:56 | 3279403 Ahmeexnal
Ahmeexnal's picture

A Canadian Corporation:
You have two cows. Instead of "MOOOOOO", the cows blurt out "EEEEEEEHH?".

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 18:20 | 3279490 tickhound
tickhound's picture



A South African Corporation:

You have two cows.

Inside the 20' walls of your fortified position.

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 21:02 | 3280049 Manthong
Manthong's picture

A Japanese Corporation.. you have two cows

You use one for a reading lamp because you can’t sell it but it glows in the dark and the other one is too old to give milk or move around anymore so it just sits in the barn in a Sumo size "Depends" adult bovine diaper.

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 21:37 | 3280138 strannick
strannick's picture

Irish Corporation. You have two cows in amisty green field, and dance in front of them shirtless in tights with your arms straight down toDanny Boy and other rebel songs of Ireland, then lose the cows along the line modelled by the Greeks

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 22:12 | 3280278 Doña K
Doña K's picture

A German corp.

You have two cows.

You reengineer them so that they live 100 years, eat once a month and milk themselves.



Tue, 02/26/2013 - 23:08 | 3280514 EscapingProgress
EscapingProgress's picture

A Prepper:

You have two cows

You buy an AK so you can protect your cows

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 23:19 | 3280549 EscapingProgress
EscapingProgress's picture

A Greek Corporation:

You have two cows

You can't milk them because they are on strike

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 18:26 | 3279531 Joe Sixpack
Joe Sixpack's picture

An Iranian Corp.


You have 2 cows. Israel accuses you of using them to transport nuclear weapons through the desert to Israel. Iran claims they are for milking. The CIA states they appear to be for milking. Bibi goes to the UN and shows a line on a milk bottle infographic. The US attacks Iran to stop the cows from blowing up Israel.

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 18:44 | 3279603 Coke and Hookers
Coke and Hookers's picture


You have ten cows and you use them to bribe politicians to give you monopoly on cow pictures. You take a picture of your neighbor's cow and print trillion copies of it, then trade them for all the cows in the world.

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 20:46 | 3279987 James_Cole
James_Cole's picture

American Capitalism

You have no cows or milk or money. Government prints money which it loans for free to banks who use it to purchase government debt which pays for invasion of foreign countries. After successful invasion, American corporations borrow money from American banks to buy local cows on the cheap and pay local slave population to milk them. Milk is sent back to America where American entrepreneurs borrow money from banks to purchase and distribute the milk to people on government food stamps who happily consume it. 


Tue, 02/26/2013 - 20:52 | 3280016 The Second Rule
The Second Rule's picture

San Francisco Corporation:

You have two cows. You spend all your time grooming them and applying hair product, then hire a team of HTML5/JavaScript programmers to create an animal rights website.

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 21:21 | 3280101 Coke and Hookers
Coke and Hookers's picture

San Francisco Corporation:

You are not interested in cows but you have two bulls. You take them to a bath house.

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 16:10 | 3278832 francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

Ha Ha Ha [above] ~ it's all FUNNY if you criticize:


Socialists, Communists, Facists, Bureaucrats, Capitalists, VC's, Americans, Frogs, Wops, Dots, Limeys, Iraquis, Aussies, Greeks, Japs, Chinks, Rednecks, Niggers, SandNiggers, Spics, & Towelheads ...

Jews [the Chosen] are untouchable... God Almighty said so himself... 

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 16:10 | 3278860 dick cheneys ghost
dick cheneys ghost's picture

These Jews are way too fucking sensitive...............its funny in a sad, pathetic way...

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 16:24 | 3278908 francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

It's fucking PATHETIC...


I can't count the number of times I've used the Lord's name in vain in my life... Amazingly ~ I have yet to be struck by a bolt of lightning from the sky...

These MF'ers have fucking stroke at the mere mention of the word "matzoh"...

Last I checked ~ God Almighty HIMSELF had no need of an 'Anti-defamation League'...

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 17:00 | 3279070 gmrpeabody
gmrpeabody's picture

Yes... yes..., if we can't kid each other, who can we kid?

But your Jewish phobia is becoming suspect.

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 18:18 | 3279504 walküre
walküre's picture

Suspect of what? Do you know why Bernie Madoff (jewish) is in jail? One of the few jewish swindlers ever arrested, tried and convicted for financial crimes? Because he screwed alot of jews. He touched their junk and was a good guy when he made them money, but he was the persona non grata when he couldn't pay it back. They wailed when they discovered he had stolen from them. Big mistake. Don't ever steal from a Jew.

Bennie Shalom B. however makes them lots of money with his wealth recapitalization and transfer schemes. So did Jon Corzine, the "untouchable" who stole from the rest of America.


Tue, 02/26/2013 - 20:10 | 3279848 gmrpeabody
gmrpeabody's picture

Every religion or nationality has their criminals. Pick one, and any half-wit can generate a list at least as impressive as yours. Your argument is weak. What are your type really afraid of?

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 21:15 | 3280085 freak of nature
freak of nature's picture

Never mind mr peabody. Mr "Flight of the Valkyries" is just slipping back into the abyss that many are falling into in this day and age. Targeting a scapegoat.

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 21:42 | 3280165 Manipuflation
Manipuflation's picture

I call bullshit on you freak.  What you are attempting to imply is not what this is about at all.  It's about a protected class of people who are above and beyond reproach and this is not limited to just the Old Testament adherants. 

Look, we are not anti-semites.  I am working on a response to these fuckwads but just got started on it this evening so it will take a little time.  I really do not give one flying fuck what religion it is that you might adhere to if any, because if you believe in the following bullshit, then you should not reply to me.  Ever.  Questions?  Let's call a spade a spade shall we?

If you have high blood pressure, please read with caution and only read a little at a time.

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 20:55 | 3280029 The Second Rule
The Second Rule's picture

Psshhh. Jews aint got nothing on the Chinese.  Try getting between a Chinese businessman and his money. You'll be lucky if you make it to jail.

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 19:20 | 3279709 Manipuflation
Manipuflation's picture

(+1 F_S and Walkure.Who said anyone was kidding?

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 20:12 | 3279856 krispkritter
krispkritter's picture

Francis Sawyer arrives at the Pearly Gates in front of St. Peter. St. Peter opens his book of Francis' life and arrives at a particularly large number.  "It says here that you've taken the Lord's name in vain 1,356,987 times." To which Francis replies "1,356,987! Jesus Fucking Chri..."...

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 17:42 | 3279322 Kirk2NCC1701
Kirk2NCC1701's picture

Let me fill you in on this "guilt-tripping" business: 

1. Jews use it for a competitive advantage and leverage for a "better deal".  They are shrewd.

2. Traditional Christians (especially Catholics in the Middle Ages) used it for social control of the peasants and maintaining a hierarchy.   They were/are cruel.

3. Don't subscribe to either.  Call them out on it, and tell them to "piss off"... or something to that effect.

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 20:15 | 3279866 RideTheWalrus
RideTheWalrus's picture

Jesus tipped the cows over in the temple

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 21:39 | 3280158 billsykes
billsykes's picture

and woody, you gotta save woody from the oven. 

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 17:32 | 3279240 Kirk2NCC1701
Kirk2NCC1701's picture

Welfare Cow: You care for them, in the hopes that they'll produce milk one day, but get nothing in return, except crap and broken fences.

Holstein cows are no better than Jersey cows.  One's a gansta, the other terrorizes you.

To keep them in line, you spend more money on cowboys.  With guns.  The cows and cowboys do not get along, but you still care for both. 

Some cows want to leave their pasture and move on to greener pastures, with shiny, bling-lined water buckets and oats troughs.  Other cows look romantically at your kids and want to marry them. 

You know you need to get out of this business -- now! -- but can't get off this Animal Farm.  You pray for a meteor, aliens or divine intervention -- while drinking soy-milk & vodka, because you know that it's 5 o'clock somewhere in the world.  You now brainstorm about cowboys turning the cows into hamburger, then laying them off.

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 20:24 | 3279916 Joe Sixpack
Joe Sixpack's picture

All the dang cows want to come to California to be happy.

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 20:44 | 3279984 Joe Sixpack
Joe Sixpack's picture

Obamanism: (corrected)
You have no cows. Mainstream media circulates pictures of you shooting skeet.

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 21:05 | 3280058 lotsoffun
lotsoffun's picture

i can't get this right - but one of you guys can - along the lines of 'you didn't buy that cow, the gov. did'.

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 15:29 | 3278639 kaiserhoff
kaiserhoff's picture

Bossy does not like that comparison...

Which one's Bossy?

The one chewing her cud.

Sorry, but that still doesn't help.

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 15:34 | 3278662 shovelhead
shovelhead's picture


You still have two cows...

One at home and one with mad cow disease.

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 15:39 | 3278687 Mi Naem
Mi Naem's picture

I don't get it. Which one went to D.C.? 


WB7 would be proud. 

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 23:32 | 3280608 andyupnorth
andyupnorth's picture

Saying that she's a cow is an insult to cows.

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 16:04 | 3278825 darteaus
darteaus's picture

+1 Post of the day!

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 20:52 | 3280018 Doña K
Doña K's picture

The below is similar.

The 1% few


 After applying some simple algebra to some trite phrases and cliches a new

 understanding can be reached of the secret to wealth and success.

 Here it goes.


                        Knowledge is Power

                        Time is Money,... and, as every engineer knows:

                        Power is Work over Time.


So, substituting algebraic equations for these time worn bits of wisdom, we get:

           K = P    (1)

           T = M    (2)

            P = W/T  (3)


Now, do a few simple substitutions:


            Put W/T in for P in equation (1), which yields:

            K = W/T  (4)


 Put M in for T into equation (4), which yields:

            K = W/M  (5).


Now we've got something.  Expanding back into English, we get:

Knowledge equals Work over Money.

What this MEANS is that:


            1.         The More You Know, the More Work You Do, and

            2.         The More You Know, the Less Money You Make.


 Solving for Money, we get:

            M = W/K  (6)


Money equals Work Over Knowledge.


From equation (6) we see that Money approaches infinity as Knowledge approaches 0, regardless of the Work done.



3.         The More you Make, the Less you Know.


 Solving for Work, we get

            W = M K  (7)

            Work equals Money times Knowledge

 From equation (7) we see that Work approaches 0 as Knowledge approaches 0.

 What THIS MEANS is:


4.         The stupid rich do little or no work.


Working out the socioeconomic implications of this breakthrough is left as

 an exercise for the reader.

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 21:28 | 3280118 Bad Attitude
Bad Attitude's picture

It's really much simpler. Those who flunked out of engineering went to business school. Now, those former business majors manage the engineers, and they still don't understand engineering.

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 16:04 | 3278828 Pure Evil
Pure Evil's picture

Actually, Cali has four heifers. You could easily replace the four footed bovine with Pelosi, Fienstein, or Boxer, all udder liberals.

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 18:19 | 3279510 rosiescenario
rosiescenario's picture

The term 'mad cow disease' (MCD) is in use because the term PMS was alredy taken...

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 19:48 | 3279793 DirtyHowi
DirtyHowi's picture

now that's funny right there.

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 15:19 | 3278611 MillionDollarBonus_
MillionDollarBonus_'s picture

... Continued:

I realized at that early age that I was going to change the world in a fundamental way. As I progressed through my school years, I developed a passion for analyzing current affairs. Even back then, I could see what was missing from American politics. One of my earliest criticisms of American legislation, and one that I hold to this day, was that there is absolutely no Federal law enforcing minimal academic standards for politicians. I believe to this day that American politics simply cannot progress unless there is an explicit law requiring politicians to have a degree from an Ivy League college. If we cannot maintain the integrity and competence of politicians, then we cannot expect wise and sensible legislation. This is a fundamental truth that cannot be ignored. 

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 15:34 | 3278648 tickhound
tickhound's picture

Only he can touch the museum art.  Even Buddist monks laugh at his jokes...

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 15:40 | 3278690 _ConanTheLibert...
_ConanTheLibertarian_'s picture

You are as narcissistic as Barry are you.

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 16:05 | 3278838 Pure Evil
Pure Evil's picture

My flatuelence could run this country better while providing the populace with much needed energy.

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 16:23 | 3278914 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

If you want to ensure the collapse of a society, make certain it's leaders are sliver spoon academics who have never held a shovel or done an honest day's work in their life.

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 17:27 | 3279263 EverythingFubar
EverythingFubar's picture

Well here in the UK, that is the case, neither the PM nor the Minister of Finance have worked in a day job? We haven't gone down yet, but I think it may just be inertia and once Europe topples..

PS. Since when was knowing how to actually do something a qualifying criteria for a politician anywhere? 

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 16:39 | 3278999 Hedgetard55
Hedgetard55's picture

So, you would be excluded from politics MDB because your degree is from Queens College?

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 16:48 | 3279045 johnQpublic
johnQpublic's picture

no way you could graduate queens college writing comedy like that

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 20:33 | 3279951 August
August's picture

How true.  If you can't at least get into Cornell, for God's sake, you have no business in Public Life.

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 20:47 | 3280003 Lmo Mutton
Lmo Mutton's picture

I respectfully disagree sir.

Poiticians should be ignorant and illiterate.  We could pay them less, they wouldn't read the bill anyway, and we can send them outside to play on the playgraound like recess in grade school.  I have $16 Trillion that says the economy would improve overnight.

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 21:55 | 3280212 tom a taxpayer
tom a taxpayer's picture

MDB - please conjugate subjunctive mood, passive voice, imperfect tense of Latin verb prehendo. It will help to verify your credentials as  "I knew I was a gifted child. I excelled in… Latin". Also your status and respect here on ZeroHedge will be boosted if you can translate "ZeroHedge" into Latin.

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 19:17 | 3279686 Monedas
Monedas's picture

Socialism .... you give one cow to your neighbor ?  Isn't that special ?  What about all cows belong to the state cooperative .... the young men do all the work .... and all the widows, orphans, other mens families and welfare recipients get milk for free with their EBT cards !

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 15:15 | 3278591 espirit
espirit's picture

Sounds like a dull fiction novelette to me.

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 15:12 | 3278579 redpill
redpill's picture


You throw one cow through a window, breaking the window and killing the cow.

You write a column in the New York Times to explain why this results in economic growth.

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 15:21 | 3278617 camaro68ss
camaro68ss's picture


you have two cows, you take pictures of them, photo copy them a few trillion times, pass them out to your friends, and call it wealth creation.

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 16:12 | 3278872 ThirdWorldDude
ThirdWorldDude's picture


You don't have any cows, but you bribe Government to enact a law by which cow-owners are obliged to store their cows in your stable. You charge owners for storing their cows. You re-re-rehypothecate all the cows and open a casino with the profit. You go bankrupt and former cow-owners bail you out...

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 17:02 | 3279128 willwork4food
willwork4food's picture

Current American Recovery

You have two cows, but you can't pay the taxes so the gov takes them.

You decide fuck it and go outside and play.



Tue, 02/26/2013 - 20:32 | 3279946 ImReady
ImReady's picture

New Zealand cow on the right I assume...Im moooving!

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 21:07 | 3280063 Blano
Blano's picture

Oh hell yes I'd hit that (the chick I mean).

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 19:02 | 3279650 I am more equal...
I am more equal than others's picture


You have two male cows and all they eat is heeey. To celebrate there is a national White Party. 

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 18:20 | 3279513 Karl von Bahnhof
Karl von Bahnhof's picture

And then start to collect fees for looking at the cow picture.

Ocassionally demand milk.

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 15:21 | 3278620 Titus
Titus's picture


Tue, 02/26/2013 - 15:41 | 3278691 McMolotov
McMolotov's picture


You have two cows. The government takes one for itself and forces you to share the other cow's milk with poor cow-less people. Eventually, it kills both you and the remaining cow.

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 16:54 | 3279077 johnQpublic
johnQpublic's picture


realizes you have more than two cows on land authorized for only two cows

comes and confiscates all your cows

but government cannot milk your defective cows they have confiscated

because they are in fact dogs

rehomes your cows(dogs) with foster family

pays foster family two cows to care for your 8 cows (dogs)

jails you for cruelty to cows

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 17:53 | 3279370 toxic8
toxic8's picture

You have no cows, but are blessed with an overabundance of steaming sun-cooked turds.

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 20:15 | 3279871 krispkritter
krispkritter's picture

I thought that was a Krugmanism?

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 15:59 | 3278800 Dixie Rect
Dixie Rect's picture

His Mom has a tattoo that says MillionDollarBonus

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 15:14 | 3278583 SillySalesmanQu...
SillySalesmanQuestion's picture

Did we miss Part 1 MDB...?

I Was A Crackhead's Pre- Mature Test Tube Baby

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 15:19 | 3278613 espirit
espirit's picture

How about "I was the Semen that missed the Crackheads Womb"?

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 15:52 | 3278766 pods
pods's picture

MDB:  The best part of me ran down the crack of my momma's ass and ended up as a brown stain on the mattress.


Tue, 02/26/2013 - 18:23 | 3279523 Karl von Bahnhof
Karl von Bahnhof's picture

Naaah. That was copy paste from Obumba's autobiography.

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 15:31 | 3278650 McMolotov
McMolotov's picture

Yeah, I think we all know why you won the "headmaster" award.

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 16:02 | 3278812 Silver Pullet
Silver Pullet's picture

"At the age of six, I was sent to a prestigious boarding school in Connecticut. I have never seen an actual cow."

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 16:20 | 3278905 Satan
Satan's picture

Headmaster : " come in my office for a sweet?"
MDB : " I'll cum in your mouth for the bag "

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 18:05 | 3279438 Pure Evil
Pure Evil's picture

I think you meant:

MDB: "I'll let you cum in mouth for the whole bag"

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 21:19 | 3279994 knukles
knukles's picture

Jesus people...
There are easily damaged childish minds reading this shit.



Tue, 02/26/2013 - 16:30 | 3278940 Farley
Farley's picture

atleast you spelled Connecticut right this time :-)

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 18:20 | 3279514 ceilidh_trail
ceilidh_trail's picture

OT: Hagel confirmed.

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 20:44 | 3279983 knukles
knukles's picture

Confirmed as a what?

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 18:48 | 3279617 CPL
CPL's picture

...skip to the part with the dead hookers, sex trade and gun running.  Ahhhh...chicken soup for the soul.

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 19:33 | 3279741 Manic by Proxy
Manic by Proxy's picture

So, by age 6 your parents realized they couldn't stand you and sent you away. But what about the 2cows? Did they attend a prestigious dairy farm? 

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 21:08 | 3280068 Blano
Blano's picture

Is that why you chose HerbaLife?

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 15:54 | 3278775 Larry Dallas
Larry Dallas's picture

A Polish Corporation:

You have 2 bulls. You try milking them. They kick you in the face. You're out of business.

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 15:56 | 3278787 JR
JR's picture

A Jewish-Keynesian Corporation:

You establish a corporate banking monopoly that enables itself to create money out of nothing to buy the two cows by surrendering nothing itself. You then lend out that money at usurious credit rates to the buyers of the two cows by inventing a form of national debt that is physically impossible to repay. You then assume monopolization of national credit on all basic activities of mankind, economically enslaving with cow debt the peoples of the world who physically and materially maintain the cows at no expense to you. You call it a United States Federal Reserve System to fool the people into thinking it's not a private bank and thereby usurp all the world’s economic and political powers.

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 18:35 | 3279566 mootsman
mootsman's picture

An Icelandic Corporation:

Your cows starve to death as they are only provided chum, mullet, and other cut bait for to eat.

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 18:36 | 3279567 mootsman
mootsman's picture

An Icelandic Corporation:

Your cows starve to death as they are only provided chum, mullet, and other cut bait to eat.

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 18:05 | 3279437 rotagen
rotagen's picture

Yeah, economics is real complex.  Fake money printed from thin air by a private cartel of crooks, the "Federal" reserve, and all of its clones.  Fake "austerity" and fake "debt".

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 18:54 | 3279632 Monedas
Monedas's picture

I reject your premise .... Fascism, Socialism and Communism .... are one in the same .... and they have been tried to death .... and have not worked .... Capitalism is different .... it has been toyed with .... but never explored as deeply as the Socialist Sisters .... but it works miracles .... every time it's tried .... we need to go balls against the wall .... just like the North Koreans did with Communism !

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 19:45 | 3279783 GeezerGeek
GeezerGeek's picture

Capitalism has one major flaw: the vision of then anointed (hat tip to Thomas Sowell) does not allow any of the great unwashed to achieve success. Plebes only get what the elites (Ivy Leaguers, banksters, etc.) determine is good for them. Capitalism, because it can lift all who strive, is therefore unacceptable.

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 20:58 | 3280042 Itgoestoeleven
Itgoestoeleven's picture

Hey F.S.

Forget cows. You are a giant jackass!!


Tue, 02/26/2013 - 15:05 | 3278546 Agent P
Agent P's picture

EU of those cows is a horse.

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 15:09 | 3278561 Motorhead
Motorhead's picture

How are the Silver Bears doing?

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 15:16 | 3278593 Midas
Midas's picture

Do you mean the talking teddy bears that taught me to BTFD?  Zerohedge has warped me...

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 16:57 | 3279100 johnQpublic
johnQpublic's picture

silver bears enjoying their golden years as cows

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 15:12 | 3278572 q99x2
q99x2's picture

Correction is over. Back to schoolwork.

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 15:24 | 3278627 rubearish10
rubearish10's picture

Can't even call it a correction. BTFDers still believe. Never follows thru. Disturbing.

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 18:10 | 3278574 Black Forest
Black Forest's picture

German corporation: One cow will be sent sent to China such that they can copy the milk. The other one becomes a collateral in the context of the European Stability Mechanism.

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 15:12 | 3278576 MayIMommaDogFac...
MayIMommaDogFace2theBananaPatch's picture

Oxygen gets you high. In a catastrophic emergency, you're taking giant panicked breaths. Suddenly you become euphoric, docile. You accept your fate. It's all right here. Emergency water landing - 600 miles an hour. Blank faces, calm as Hindu cows

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 20:35 | 3279961 Jendrzejczyk
Jendrzejczyk's picture

Up button doesn't work.   +1

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 15:12 | 3278577 espirit
espirit's picture

Cows for Dummies.  An infographic.

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 15:41 | 3278698 hidingfromhelis
hidingfromhelis's picture

Cows with guns.  A song.

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 15:17 | 3278588 TideFighter
TideFighter's picture

You have a chocolate cow. You award it by allowing it to announce the Grammy winners. You see this cow every freakin' day. That cow has her own jet airplane, that cow is a millionaire. That cow hates America, but has no problem engulfing herself into any event, headline, contest, or announcement. That cow has gone mad.  

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 15:36 | 3278671 duo
duo's picture

does this cow avoid wearing anything with sleeves?

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 15:43 | 3278711 McMolotov
McMolotov's picture


Tue, 02/26/2013 - 16:09 | 3278852 TBT or not TBT
TBT or not TBT's picture

I'm shocked, shocked, by the wookie reference made here.

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 18:07 | 3279450 Pure Evil
Pure Evil's picture

I hear Wookie bangs are 'in' this year.

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 21:37 | 3280151 Bad Attitude
Bad Attitude's picture

At least the Wookie in Star Wars smiled occasionally.

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 18:07 | 3279451 JR
JR's picture

These people are beyond despicable. They don’t realize that people didn't vote for them because they love them. They voted against Romney who said he had Israel’s back if Netanyahu bombed Iran; Romney, who went to Tel Aviv for a fundraiser and, if that wasn’t enough, barred reporters… And, any way that you look at it, there is little difference between Hollywood and the Obamas – their principles and affections are one and the same.

One of the things I hear most often on talk radio programs:

Q: Well, what did you think of Obama’s speech?

A: I can’t stand to even look at him.

Exit polls for November credit Obama's ending of the Iraq war as the most often mentioned factor for voting for him. In America, voters are not offered a choice of picking a candidate; they are given a choice between who most to avoid.

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 15:15 | 3278589 ziggy59
ziggy59's picture

Is there beef in those cows, or some other beast of burden?

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 16:01 | 3278811 Tijuana Donkey Show
Tijuana Donkey Show's picture

The beast of burden is taxpayer.

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 15:16 | 3278596 Water Is Wet
Water Is Wet's picture

Oohh, wow this is so original.  I haven't seen the two cows bit since last year.  I'm definitely going to follow 9GAG on Pinterest now!

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 15:23 | 3278625 DUNTHAT
DUNTHAT's picture

First saww a limited version of it some 25 years ago in a Mobil Oil Ad.

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 15:47 | 3278737 Water Is Wet
Water Is Wet's picture

I'm going to assume the down votes are because you don't like 9GAG's work.  Dude, I'm telling you check out his Pinterest.  If you're not on Pinterest, paste your email here and I will invite you to be my Pinterest buddy.  Then we can Pinterest all day with all the cool people.

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 16:11 | 3278862 Pure Evil
Pure Evil's picture

You know Obama? /definite snark

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 15:17 | 3278601 km4
km4's picture

’Capitalism Hits the Fan’: A Lecture by Richard Wolff on the Economic Meltdown?


Economist Richard Wolff believes capitalism has spun out of control, is not salvageable in its current state, and that nothing short of a major systemic overhaul is needed to get America back on track and fix the problems that unraveled our economy.

In his lecture, “Capitalism Hits the Fan,” Professor Wolff dissects the 30-year-old root causes of the recent financial crisis. He explains how a combination of factors — outsourced jobs, flat wages, soaring credit card debt and the biggest corporate profits in history — led to the most severe economic crisis of his lifetime.

“Stressed, exhausted, this is a population that has reached the limits, it cannot carry more debt and it can’t do more work,” Wolff says. “That’s why this is not a temporary problem, this is not a blip along the way. We have reached the limits of the kind of capitalism this society has become.”

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 19:39 | 3279758 GeezerGeek
GeezerGeek's picture

What is practiced by corporations in the US is not capitalism, nor does it involve free markets. The only free market I've seen lately is that involving Mexican lawn maintenance crews. If the government doesn't know you're here, they can't tax or regulate you.

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 15:17 | 3278603 giorgioorwell
giorgioorwell's picture

It's missing the only one that represents the world we actually live in, in the US, at least:


Tue, 02/26/2013 - 15:19 | 3278612 spiral galaxy
spiral galaxy's picture

A Bernanke Corporation

You have 2 a print now have a trillion 'cows' of which only 2 are real. Nonetheless, you 'lend' part of the trillion printed cows to the venture capitalist who then does the derivative/swap/double count/Cayman thing and leverages the printed to buy a real Corporate cow -- or two, and goes back to the Fed window and negotiates another Fed printed trillion cows ......etc., etc.

While all along, at a distance, the media is trumpeting your success and how wonderful the 'cow' economy is doing......seasonally adjusted, of course........all the while discounting and ridiculing the sane on the sidelines that are trying to point out that there are only two 'real' cows and frankly, the cow economy is thus a mirage.  Driven crazy with the obsurd, the sane start to think that socialism ain't that bad and elect Obama :-)


Tue, 02/26/2013 - 15:22 | 3278623 robf355
robf355's picture

EU Corporatoon

the eu take both cows and pay you not to keep any cows or produce any milk

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 21:48 | 3280184 Matt
Matt's picture

Free Trade Cow:

You put one cow on each side of the border, and ship the milk they produce to the other side of the line to get more subsidies and make GDP higher.

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 15:23 | 3278624 Stinko da Munk
Stinko da Munk's picture

It ain't the cows. It's the bullshit we need to worry about.

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 15:24 | 3278626 Spacemoose
Spacemoose's picture

A ZH Reader

you had two cows but they fell out of your canoe while transporting them to the other side of the lake ...


Tue, 02/26/2013 - 15:27 | 3278636 HD
HD's picture


You have one cow. You clone several trillion more cows. The cows produce a mountain of shit so large it kills all your cows. You tell everyone that shit mountain is "transitory" and then you clone more cows.

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 20:33 | 3279953 Joe Sixpack
Joe Sixpack's picture



You market the shit as "the stuff of growth" for the agricultural community. You sell it to farmers who raise corn for cows.

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 15:30 | 3278647 Disenchanted
Disenchanted's picture

New Zealand...LOL!

I thought it was the sheep there that are nervous.

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 15:33 | 3278653 WarPony
WarPony's picture

YOU are the Bull that resists.  Before you can get there, DHS puts many cows out to pasture.  You find other like-minded Bulls and eventually DHS is Bullshit - literally ... oh wait.

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 15:34 | 3278659 FROZENOJFUTURES




Tue, 02/26/2013 - 15:34 | 3278660 Disenchanted
Disenchanted's picture

An Al Gore Corporation:


You kill both cows because they produce methane, then fly away back to your huge mansion on your big jet airplane. Thanking your daddy for all those Occidental Petroleum shares.


Woohoo, life is grand!

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 15:34 | 3278661 22winmag
22winmag's picture

You forgot one little detail. Many of the 5,000 cows held by the Swiss Corporation were in fact stolen from murdered Jews.

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 15:41 | 3278695 Disenchanted
Disenchanted's picture

Maybe true, but 4,999 of those cows were paper cutouts...

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 16:34 | 3278970 Sudden Debt
Sudden Debt's picture

Correction: they where not murdered. They went on vacation and never came back.

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 15:37 | 3278677 the grateful un...
the grateful unemployed's picture

America: Beef sells for 50 cents a pound. You have a 1000 pound steer. You get the Federal Reserve to create a policy which says your cow is worth $1000. You can't sell the cow, so you import the beef. The rancher borrows against his $1000 cow to buy another cow that someone is selling for $500, but no one is selling so he buys back his own cow for half price and doubles his money.

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 15:41 | 3278697 Wile-E-Coyote
Wile-E-Coyote's picture

The Mafia corporation:

You have one cow and seven horses, you kill all of them put them through a mincer and mix them together, package them and sell them as 100% beef. Milk is produced by genetically modified potatoes.

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 18:00 | 3279399 Kirk2NCC1701
Kirk2NCC1701's picture

"Milk is produced by genetically modified soy."  There, fixed it for ya.

You now label the soymilk as 'Raw Milk', and sell it at Yuppie prices to 5 Up-tickers, because they know shit about milk. 

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 20:36 | 3279962 Joe Sixpack
Joe Sixpack's picture

Federal agents raid them and put them in prison with guys named "butch" because they are selling raw milk. Prison stocks rise.

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 20:59 | 3280045 knukles
knukles's picture

Yuppies lamenting no more genetically modified potatoe milk and having missed the uptick in prison stocks pass series 7 exams and make bundles selling horse shit to muppets.

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 15:45 | 3278718 CaptainObvious
CaptainObvious's picture

Heh heh, I wish I could vote this infographic at 10 circles, 5 just isn't enough.  Belly laughs at the French, Indian, Iraqi, New Zealand, and Greek Cows.

Demopublican Party Cows:

You have two cows.  Cow B doesn't have as much grass as Cow A, so you take half the grass from Cow A, spend three quarters of that to cover the health care of both cows, and give the other quarter to Cow B.

Republicrat Party Cows:

You have two cows.  Cow B doesn't have as much grass as Cow A, so you take half the grass from Cow A, spend nine tenths of that to defend both cows, and give the other tenth to Cow B.

Libertarian Party Cows:

You have two cows.  Your neighbor has two cows.  You have a fence around your cows so they don't graze on your neighbor's land. You make butter and your neighbor makes ice cream, which you trade equally.  You doctor your cows yourself, as does your neighbor.  And you both have guns to defend your cows.

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 21:21 | 3280060 knukles
knukles's picture

And while peacefully minding your own libertarian cow business the other two cowowners, jealous of your phenomenal self made wonderful life, vote themselves as rulers of the universe, take all four cows and tell the two of you're a threat to their existence, and without counsel, disappeared your asses to some fucking cow dung pile without a trial from whence you shall never reappear.
And merrily eat your cows so there's nothing left.

Tue, 02/26/2013 - 21:52 | 3280199 Matt
Matt's picture

You forgot the part with the gun fight or drone strikes.

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