Two Cows: The Infographic

Tyler Durden's picture

There are many complexities in the socio-economic structures that the nations (and corporations) of the world have used (and abused) over the years. Volumes have been written to explain the intricacies of Capitalism, Fascism, Communism, and Socialism; and how these impact various corporations from Iran to Greece to Australia. However, in the interest of brevity, the following infographic - utilizing nothing more than two cows (which perhaps should now be horses, considering their inflationary displacement capacity for firms like IKEA and Nestle) to provide everything you need to know about ecomoomic s.


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francis_sawyer's picture

A Jewish corporation:


Create a paper market out of them... Start a [LEGAL TENDER] fiat currency system...  then pile on derivatives while you devalue the paper to zero...

MillionDollarBonus_'s picture

My Autobiography - Part 2

A Virtuous Life - A story of courage, integrity and bravery
At the age of six, I was sent to a prestigious boarding school in Connecticut. From the very beginning, I knew I was a gifted child. I excelled in politics, modern history and Latin, and at the end of my first year I was awarded the headmaster's  award for best overall student. My school years had a fundamental influence on my attitudes toward academia and my appreciation for academic credentials. 

tickhound's picture



Cuba imports cigars from him.  Mosquitoes won't bite him, out of respect.

Motorhead's picture

Sounds like Simon Black.

francis_sawyer's picture

I forgot to mention [above]... PRINT as many free paper cows for yourself at your leisure once you've achieved the franchise...

hedgeless_horseman's picture



California's 43rd Congressional District

You have two cows...

...send one to DC...

Richard Chesler's picture

You have no cows. Mainstream media reports you have 7 cows and growing.

kaiserhoff's picture

Affirmative Action Corporation:

You take the dumbest, ugliest, blackest bovine you can find and make him President-for-Life.

Pure Evil's picture

After scrolling down to comment on MDB I forgot what I was going to say.

Oh yeah, MDB what was the award for?

Now I remember, the award was for being a pretensious twit.

TerminalDebt's picture

Its not true, Kiwis are not cow shaggers they are sheep shaggers

Ahmeexnal's picture

A Canadian Corporation:
You have two cows. Instead of "MOOOOOO", the cows blurt out "EEEEEEEHH?".

tickhound's picture



A South African Corporation:

You have two cows.

Inside the 20' walls of your fortified position.

Manthong's picture

A Japanese Corporation.. you have two cows

You use one for a reading lamp because you can’t sell it but it glows in the dark and the other one is too old to give milk or move around anymore so it just sits in the barn in a Sumo size "Depends" adult bovine diaper.

strannick's picture

Irish Corporation. You have two cows in amisty green field, and dance in front of them shirtless in tights with your arms straight down toDanny Boy and other rebel songs of Ireland, then lose the cows along the line modelled by the Greeks

Doña K's picture

A German corp.

You have two cows.

You reengineer them so that they live 100 years, eat once a month and milk themselves.



EscapingProgress's picture

A Prepper:

You have two cows

You buy an AK so you can protect your cows

EscapingProgress's picture

A Greek Corporation:

You have two cows

You can't milk them because they are on strike

Joe Sixpack's picture

An Iranian Corp.


You have 2 cows. Israel accuses you of using them to transport nuclear weapons through the desert to Israel. Iran claims they are for milking. The CIA states they appear to be for milking. Bibi goes to the UN and shows a line on a milk bottle infographic. The US attacks Iran to stop the cows from blowing up Israel.

Coke and Hookers's picture


You have ten cows and you use them to bribe politicians to give you monopoly on cow pictures. You take a picture of your neighbor's cow and print trillion copies of it, then trade them for all the cows in the world.

James_Cole's picture

American Capitalism

You have no cows or milk or money. Government prints money which it loans for free to banks who use it to purchase government debt which pays for invasion of foreign countries. After successful invasion, American corporations borrow money from American banks to buy local cows on the cheap and pay local slave population to milk them. Milk is sent back to America where American entrepreneurs borrow money from banks to purchase and distribute the milk to people on government food stamps who happily consume it. 


The Second Rule's picture

San Francisco Corporation:

You have two cows. You spend all your time grooming them and applying hair product, then hire a team of HTML5/JavaScript programmers to create an animal rights website.

Coke and Hookers's picture

San Francisco Corporation:

You are not interested in cows but you have two bulls. You take them to a bath house.

francis_sawyer's picture

Ha Ha Ha [above] ~ it's all FUNNY if you criticize:


Socialists, Communists, Facists, Bureaucrats, Capitalists, VC's, Americans, Frogs, Wops, Dots, Limeys, Iraquis, Aussies, Greeks, Japs, Chinks, Rednecks, Niggers, SandNiggers, Spics, & Towelheads ...

Jews [the Chosen] are untouchable... God Almighty said so himself... 

dick cheneys ghost's picture

These Jews are way too fucking sensitive...............its funny in a sad, pathetic way...

francis_sawyer's picture

It's fucking PATHETIC...


I can't count the number of times I've used the Lord's name in vain in my life... Amazingly ~ I have yet to be struck by a bolt of lightning from the sky...

These MF'ers have fucking stroke at the mere mention of the word "matzoh"...

Last I checked ~ God Almighty HIMSELF had no need of an 'Anti-defamation League'...

gmrpeabody's picture

Yes... yes..., if we can't kid each other, who can we kid?

But your Jewish phobia is becoming suspect.

walküre's picture

Suspect of what? Do you know why Bernie Madoff (jewish) is in jail? One of the few jewish swindlers ever arrested, tried and convicted for financial crimes? Because he screwed alot of jews. He touched their junk and was a good guy when he made them money, but he was the persona non grata when he couldn't pay it back. They wailed when they discovered he had stolen from them. Big mistake. Don't ever steal from a Jew.

Bennie Shalom B. however makes them lots of money with his wealth recapitalization and transfer schemes. So did Jon Corzine, the "untouchable" who stole from the rest of America.


gmrpeabody's picture

Every religion or nationality has their criminals. Pick one, and any half-wit can generate a list at least as impressive as yours. Your argument is weak. What are your type really afraid of?

freak of nature's picture

Never mind mr peabody. Mr "Flight of the Valkyries" is just slipping back into the abyss that many are falling into in this day and age. Targeting a scapegoat.

Manipuflation's picture

I call bullshit on you freak.  What you are attempting to imply is not what this is about at all.  It's about a protected class of people who are above and beyond reproach and this is not limited to just the Old Testament adherants. 

Look, we are not anti-semites.  I am working on a response to these fuckwads but just got started on it this evening so it will take a little time.  I really do not give one flying fuck what religion it is that you might adhere to if any, because if you believe in the following bullshit, then you should not reply to me.  Ever.  Questions?  Let's call a spade a spade shall we?

If you have high blood pressure, please read with caution and only read a little at a time.

The Second Rule's picture

Psshhh. Jews aint got nothing on the Chinese.  Try getting between a Chinese businessman and his money. You'll be lucky if you make it to jail.

Manipuflation's picture

(+1 F_S and Walkure.Who said anyone was kidding?

krispkritter's picture

Francis Sawyer arrives at the Pearly Gates in front of St. Peter. St. Peter opens his book of Francis' life and arrives at a particularly large number.  "It says here that you've taken the Lord's name in vain 1,356,987 times." To which Francis replies "1,356,987! Jesus Fucking Chri..."...

Kirk2NCC1701's picture

Let me fill you in on this "guilt-tripping" business: 

1. Jews use it for a competitive advantage and leverage for a "better deal".  They are shrewd.

2. Traditional Christians (especially Catholics in the Middle Ages) used it for social control of the peasants and maintaining a hierarchy.   They were/are cruel.

3. Don't subscribe to either.  Call them out on it, and tell them to "piss off"... or something to that effect.

RideTheWalrus's picture

Jesus tipped the cows over in the temple

billsykes's picture

and woody, you gotta save woody from the oven. 

Kirk2NCC1701's picture

Welfare Cow: You care for them, in the hopes that they'll produce milk one day, but get nothing in return, except crap and broken fences.

Holstein cows are no better than Jersey cows.  One's a gansta, the other terrorizes you.

To keep them in line, you spend more money on cowboys.  With guns.  The cows and cowboys do not get along, but you still care for both. 

Some cows want to leave their pasture and move on to greener pastures, with shiny, bling-lined water buckets and oats troughs.  Other cows look romantically at your kids and want to marry them. 

You know you need to get out of this business -- now! -- but can't get off this Animal Farm.  You pray for a meteor, aliens or divine intervention -- while drinking soy-milk & vodka, because you know that it's 5 o'clock somewhere in the world.  You now brainstorm about cowboys turning the cows into hamburger, then laying them off.

Joe Sixpack's picture

All the dang cows want to come to California to be happy.

Joe Sixpack's picture

Obamanism: (corrected)
You have no cows. Mainstream media circulates pictures of you shooting skeet.

lotsoffun's picture

i can't get this right - but one of you guys can - along the lines of 'you didn't buy that cow, the gov. did'.

kaiserhoff's picture

Bossy does not like that comparison...

Which one's Bossy?

The one chewing her cud.

Sorry, but that still doesn't help.

shovelhead's picture


You still have two cows...

One at home and one with mad cow disease.

Mi Naem's picture

I don't get it. Which one went to D.C.? 


WB7 would be proud. 

andyupnorth's picture

Saying that she's a cow is an insult to cows.

Doña K's picture

The below is similar.

The 1% few


 After applying some simple algebra to some trite phrases and cliches a new

 understanding can be reached of the secret to wealth and success.

 Here it goes.


                        Knowledge is Power

                        Time is Money,... and, as every engineer knows:

                        Power is Work over Time.


So, substituting algebraic equations for these time worn bits of wisdom, we get:

           K = P    (1)

           T = M    (2)

            P = W/T  (3)


Now, do a few simple substitutions:


            Put W/T in for P in equation (1), which yields:

            K = W/T  (4)


 Put M in for T into equation (4), which yields:

            K = W/M  (5).


Now we've got something.  Expanding back into English, we get:

Knowledge equals Work over Money.

What this MEANS is that:


            1.         The More You Know, the More Work You Do, and

            2.         The More You Know, the Less Money You Make.


 Solving for Money, we get:

            M = W/K  (6)


Money equals Work Over Knowledge.


From equation (6) we see that Money approaches infinity as Knowledge approaches 0, regardless of the Work done.



3.         The More you Make, the Less you Know.


 Solving for Work, we get

            W = M K  (7)

            Work equals Money times Knowledge

 From equation (7) we see that Work approaches 0 as Knowledge approaches 0.

 What THIS MEANS is:


4.         The stupid rich do little or no work.


Working out the socioeconomic implications of this breakthrough is left as

 an exercise for the reader.

Bad Attitude's picture

It's really much simpler. Those who flunked out of engineering went to business school. Now, those former business majors manage the engineers, and they still don't understand engineering.

Pure Evil's picture

Actually, Cali has four heifers. You could easily replace the four footed bovine with Pelosi, Fienstein, or Boxer, all udder liberals.

rosiescenario's picture

The term 'mad cow disease' (MCD) is in use because the term PMS was alredy taken...