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Tim Geithner To Hold Financial Crisis Seminars

Tyler Durden's picture




 

When it comes to generating near-apocalyptic financial crises, there are few men quite as qualified as the former NY Fed and US Treasury head Tim Geithner. Which is why it is not at all unexpected that while he is drafting his tell all memoirs, which may or may not include details on why he leaked confidential market moving Fed information to Wall Street's banks, the TurboTax expert is set to take the university circuit by storm and teach young and impressionable minds about how not to do anything he did. As WSJ reports, "Former Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner plans to hit the university circuit in the coming months, conducting a series of seminars on financial crises. Mr. Geithner, who left the Obama administration last month after four eventful years at Treasury, should have unique insights on such crises. He was president of the Federal Reserve Bank of New York and then Treasury secretary during the 2008-2009 financial meltdown. Mr. Geithner has committed to seminars at Harvard University, the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, Northwestern University, Princeton University and the University of Michigan." Surely, the future central planners of the world are already shaking with anticipation.

Mr. Geithner’s seminars, first reported by Politico, will focus on crisis prevention and crisis response, a spokeswoman said Wednesday. The goal is to create academic research that future policy makers and the public can use to better understand how and why governments act amid financial catastrophe.

 

The first seminar is planned for early March. Mr. Geithner plans to do a total of five to 10 over the course of the next year. More schools will be added. He won’t be paid for the seminars, the spokeswoman said.

 

The format is likely to be in smaller group roundtable, classroom or dinner sessions, the spokeswoman said.

 

Mr. Geithner, based in New York, earlier this month announced plans to write a book and join the Council on Foreign Relations as a distinguished fellow.

 

He’s also planning paid speeches as well as some engagements for nonprofit organizations and charities for no fee.

Perhaps it is not too late to petition that alongside Geithner, universities also demand that Bernie Madoff run parallel courses on the long-term viability of the US financial system and the fundamental "fair value" of the stock market, coupled with the occasional "client account sanctity" masterclass by one Jon Corzine.

After all, if reality has been fully LBOed by the Onion, one has to be fully invested for the Great Rotation into sheer full retardedness.

 

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Wed, 02/27/2013 - 15:04 | 3282656 CH1
CH1's picture

Do these people not see that they are a joke?

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 15:10 | 3282689 nope-1004
nope-1004's picture

NO, they don't because they are caught up in an illusionary existence.  Going on circuit "edumacating" is proof the guy has a serious ego problem, thinking that he has some knowledge to impart.

Now if Princeton or Harvard said they were welcoming a guest speaker who "formerly held political office and was found guilty of tax evasion", it would take on a bit of a different feel.

 

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 15:11 | 3282695 camaro68ss
camaro68ss's picture

Can wait to buy his book " how i *** raped america for my banker friends"

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 15:11 | 3282696 James_Cole
James_Cole's picture

This is a great public service, only thing that bugs me is when he used to educate average Americans on how to fuck up the world economy via meet the press it cost the taxpayers trillion$ -- he's doing these student seminars for free! 

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 15:23 | 3282748 Xibalba
Xibalba's picture

With Guest Appearances by 

R. Glenn Hubbard & Frederic Mishkin
Wed, 02/27/2013 - 15:32 | 3282770 Kitler
Kitler's picture

"Never in the field of human kleptocratic endeavour was so much stolen from so many by so few. Well done gentlemen."

~ Timothy Geithner at the 2008 Federal Reserve Awards Banquet.

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 15:50 | 3282894 smlbizman
smlbizman's picture

that pic makes me ill...those fuckin baked bean teeth.....

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 16:39 | 3282963 akak
akak's picture

And that macrocephalic Beavis forehead --- one could play ping-pong on it when he is lying down.

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 19:11 | 3283632 The Alarmist
The Alarmist's picture

Makes perfect sense ... It's like putting Bernanke, the expert on the Great Depression, in charge of running GD2.0.

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 15:32 | 3282796 Lore
Lore's picture

Make a note of those schools and keep your children away.

Good minds who I respect hold Mr. Geithner in very low regard.

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 15:35 | 3282808 RSBriggs
RSBriggs's picture

Ummm.  No.  He does NOT lecture for free  His rate for doing seminars is 50K per day plus expenses.  SOMEBODY is paying for them, if not the schools themselves, then someone else.

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 16:41 | 3283112 optimator
optimator's picture

Timmy will pile up the profits, invest them, then take a Gov't job and sell so his profits aren't taxable.

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 15:24 | 3282758 Bandit und Buster
Bandit und Buster's picture

But ... they have a PLAN. This is NOT JUST criminal...

Our leaders are not chosen for their intelligence or achievement but rather because they are able to win the peoples’ trust and are willing to betray it. They are chosen by a small satanic cult – cabalistic bankers and Freemasons – that controls the world’s finances and media. Our ‘leaders’ are junior members of this international cult, called the Order of the Illuminati.”  Henry Makow, Ph.D, “Illuminati – The cult That Hijacked the World”

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 16:28 | 3283072 Whiner
Whiner's picture

Dimon to Timmah: okay, Squirt Blossom, you're done. Get the f--k out. Here is a draft of your new ghost written book and a schedule of lectures with honoraria. Finally, here's the PIN to your Cayman Island account.

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 17:00 | 3283197 venturen
venturen's picture

How to enrich banksters without getting paid....brillant! What an idiot! I hope he has a swiss bank account somewhere.

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 15:17 | 3282722 Winston Churchill
Winston Churchill's picture

Trouble is the joke is on us.

The only public speaking this criminal should be doing is a farewell

speech from the gallows.

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 16:19 | 3283023 optimator
optimator's picture

"long live Is...........gwablnek.

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 16:47 | 3283139 Crash Overide
Crash Overide's picture

Timmy is throwing shit in our face and laughing.

I guess we get what we deserve not putting an end to all this in the first place and allowing this farce to continue.

I am sick and tired of all this, burn it all down.

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 15:22 | 3282744 Vashta Nerada
Vashta Nerada's picture

If you are holding a seminar on how to cause a financial crisis, who better to run it than Geithner?

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 15:37 | 3282828 thisandthat
thisandthat's picture

What! I'm booking it already - my gold for and airplane ticket! :P

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 15:40 | 3282850 McMolotov
McMolotov's picture

Why the hell should they care if we think they're a joke? They're getting paid cash out the ass; they're laughing at us.

Whoever it was that said (paraphrasing), "nothing will change until one of these assholes catches a bullet in the brain pan" was exactly right.

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 15:07 | 3282670 Inthemix96
Inthemix96's picture

I wouldnt let this zionistic cunt hold a dog lead.

Jeethner, we are coming son.  You are done son.  Even a private island wont keep you safe you fucking low IQ dwarf cunt.

BANK on it.

Fucking cunt

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 15:21 | 3282739 Inthemix96
Inthemix96's picture

Fucking hell 4 down.

Fuck you jeethner and you banker shits.

All you got eh?

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 15:32 | 3282798 eclectic syncretist
eclectic syncretist's picture

Timmah's looking a bit constipated in that pic, musta got his butt-plug stuck.

Thanks for the silver beat down today criminals, I got more on sale!

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 15:41 | 3282856 McMolotov
McMolotov's picture

I gave you a +1 for "dwarf cunt."

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 16:43 | 3283119 Inthemix96
Inthemix96's picture

Come on then red flaggers.

Give me the reason this cunt deserves to live.

You are on a hiding to nothing you worthless cunts.  And so so is your mate jeethner.

Count on it.

Fucking cunts

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 15:08 | 3282682 LawsofPhysics
LawsofPhysics's picture

These people need seminars to figure out that you can't "print" the very real resources required to make their bullshit eCONomic models works?  LMFAO!  

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 15:08 | 3282683 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

 You could have posted this article before I ate lunch Tyler...

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 17:02 | 3283202 Crash Overide
Crash Overide's picture

You see that fucking picture of Corzine laying out at the beach?

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 15:08 | 3282685 drB
drB's picture

Will he lecture also about Turbotax use, or will he just stick to less complicated subject of crisis prevention?

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 15:19 | 3282728 waterhorse
waterhorse's picture

Turbo Tax for Tax Cheats?

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 15:28 | 3282781 Bandit und Buster
Bandit und Buster's picture

Looks like they collared a couple of white boy goys to make the sheeple think they'er cracking down.

Wake me when they get to some joos.

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 16:19 | 3283018 CH1
CH1's picture

Wake me when they get to some joos.

Madoff wasn't Jewish enough for you?

Then again, it's not enough to kill one Jew, is it? You have to kill all of them. Right?

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 15:09 | 3282691 Cdad
Cdad's picture

Lol....that last line....man...I be jigglin'.............lololololol

Thanks for saving the day...Tyler.  With the possible exception of The Santelli, I cannot imagine anyone else delivering they way you do...on a surreal day like this.

And to think, both yesterday and today, The Bernankster quite literally told "the market" that there is no "market" anymore.  

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 15:21 | 3282737 Cdad
Cdad's picture

Yesterday, funds began selling to other stupid funds, and by the close, stupid funds were selling to algo funds.  And now today, with algo funds selling to stupid algo funds, we now, at this moment, shift into stupid algo funds selling to mentally retarded algo funds, who are quickly dumping it all hot potato style over to funds run by entirely lobotomized folks.

And all as Bernanke confesses, and the TBTF executes and arbitrages this nonsense against the background sound of Calliope music streaming from The BlowHorn [CNBC], the lackeys all talking like all of this is entirely normal.

All you can do is laugh.

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 15:09 | 3282692 buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

omg ;o;o;o;o lolololololol

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 15:11 | 3282697 Goggles Pisano
Goggles Pisano's picture

Seminar 1: How to cause a Financial Crisis.

Seminar 2: How to make it worse.

Seminar 3: How to use the MSM to con the Populace into thinking the Crisis has been Resolved

Seminar 4: Good countries to emigrate to when the SHTF

Seminar 5: Who to blame after the SHTF as a CFR Distinguished Fellow

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 15:38 | 3282835 ParkAveFlasher
ParkAveFlasher's picture

Slides #1 - #165 are simply the word "PRINT" in helvetica medium font, with a clipart "1st place badge" in the corner.

Appendix A is as follows: "*Print."

There will be a luncheon break for an hour - finger sandwiches, cookies, and  cans of coke - followed by a brief exhibit of an HP Stylus that can be used to print SDRs in a pinch.

Charts 1-17 are various colored configurations of the letters P, R, I, N, and D.  I'm sorry, T.

 

 

 

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 15:12 | 3282701 youngandhealthy
youngandhealthy's picture

A typical comment from Tyler in the spirit of KKK, Tea Party and NRA. In Europe we just called those organizations with their right name, Nazists.

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 15:20 | 3282730 waterhorse
waterhorse's picture

so you are a Geithner admirer?  Can you please explain what EXACTLY there is to admire about this man?

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 15:26 | 3282768 akak
akak's picture

A typical comment from a piece of statist eurotrash in the spirit of a Brussels burEaUcrat, Prime Minister Quisling and your average 'Christian Democrat'. On ZeroHedge we just called those people with their right name: sheep .

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 15:38 | 3282834 RSBriggs
RSBriggs's picture

Yet another liberal troll.  News for you dude, the KKK was run by liberal DEMOCRATS, and neither the Tea Party nor the NRA are Nazi organizations.  Nice projection there.... 

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 15:13 | 3282705 NoWayJose
NoWayJose's picture

More likely he is just trying to lure the endowment directors at these universities into the clutches of the Squid... They control billions, and with ZIRP they need to find some creative ways to invest.

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 15:14 | 3282709 astoriajoe
astoriajoe's picture

a seminar? like at The Learning Annex?

I can imagine it sandwiched between "how to make millions on ebay" and "learn to read the akashic record"

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 15:14 | 3282710 reader2010
reader2010's picture

Our wisdom is slavish prejudice, our customs consist in control, constraint, compulsion. Civilised man is born and dies a slave. The infant is bound up in swaddling clothes, the corpse is nailed down in his coffin. All his life long man is imprisoned by our institutions.

- Rousseau

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 15:46 | 3282879 Bandit und Buster
Bandit und Buster's picture

 

"What is the basis of Judaism? A practical passion and greed for profit. To what can we reduce his (the Jew's) religious worship? To extortion. What is his real God? Cash!" - Karl Marx, founder of Communism, quoted in the British Guardian, July-August, 1924.


There is no other agency of government that can over rule the actions that we take”. Alan Greenspan talking about the Federal Reserve private bank.

 


 

The best of the gentiles should be killed.”  The Talmud

 

“We are out to destroy the family. The best way to do  that is by attacking it’s weakest member, the unborn child.” Simone Weil, former Frenc health minister and Auschwitz survivor. (as quoted in Synagogue Rising by Hugh Akins)                                                                         

 

“MASONRY IS A Jewish institution, whose history, regulatilons, duties, ecommendations and explanations are Jewsih to the end. “  The Israelite: by Isaac Wise

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 15:15 | 3282711 azzhatter
azzhatter's picture

Fuck You Geithner, I hope you die a horrible death filled with pain and long term suffering. And I get to watch

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 15:16 | 3282713 gimli
gimli's picture

Please get the dates, I need to pencil them in so I'm far enough away from the possible radioactive fallout.

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 15:17 | 3282718 Downtoolong
Downtoolong's picture

And the two most popular questions from the audience will be:

1. Can you help me get a job

2. Can you advise me the best way to bail on my school loan.

 

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 15:17 | 3282721 waterhorse
waterhorse's picture

Wouldn't it be fun to go, just to heckle that little turd?

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 17:07 | 3283218 Crash Overide
Crash Overide's picture

Flash mob every speaking engagement. He's too dumb to hold an argument, a 6th grader could take him down.

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 15:24 | 3282760 williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture

Fucking Harvard Soviet...even though he didn't graduate there.

Let him lecture on the street and see what the people think!

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 17:10 | 3283227 wisefool
wisefool's picture

I do not like being a beggar anti-muse, but the Hank Paulson Institute at the University of Chicago was not on the list of engagements. Could use a WB7/Dukakis driveby timmay included.

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 18:31 | 3283480 Ratscam
Ratscam's picture

I am missing my alma mater the Wharton Business School on Geithners list. Quite a surprise for the USA #1 school in finance.
Thinking back, I would have made more money not attending it.
Yes, you concluded rightly, I do not work for GS, JPM or any other investment bank!

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 15:24 | 3282761 22winmag
22winmag's picture

Timmy... rat face or bat face?

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 15:39 | 3282842 tenpanhandle
tenpanhandle's picture

Definately rat faced even though he is a blood sucker.

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 18:37 | 3283502 Ratscam
Ratscam's picture

Timmi = too unworthy to get rat fucked!
greets ratscam

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 15:25 | 3282765 Glass Seagull
Glass Seagull's picture

 

 

Oh great...just fucking great.  That's like Lenny Dykstra holding those "How to make money in options" seminars.

A one-eyed king, this one.

 

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 15:27 | 3282775 AndrewJackson
AndrewJackson's picture

You really can't make this stuff up.

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 23:33 | 3284384 MeelionDollerBogus
MeelionDollerBogus's picture

And in futher unrelated news TheOnion declares bankruptcy - and no one even notices - because they are now reporting actual news without realizing it, or in some cases, making up shit that's so less insane than actual news that it isn't even a little funny.

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 15:28 | 3282778 TNTARG
TNTARG's picture

Tim Geithner to hold financial crisis seminars?

Wolf to hold chicken's safety seminars.

 

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 15:31 | 3282791 Bandit und Buster
Bandit und Buster's picture

+100000

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 15:29 | 3282787 economessed
economessed's picture

Tim couldn't find a way to get DeVry University on his schedule?

Thu, 02/28/2013 - 00:13 | 3284517 mharry
mharry's picture

I was thinking The University of Phoenix would be more appropriate for his talents.

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 15:31 | 3282793 NeedleDickTheBu...
NeedleDickTheBugFucker's picture

I assume MDB will be on Timmay's panel for the crisis seminar.

Thu, 02/28/2013 - 03:07 | 3284838 Lord Of Finance
Lord Of Finance's picture

Don't forget Dr. P.K.

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 15:31 | 3282795 JohnGaltsChild
JohnGaltsChild's picture

........................and, I hear he is going to make a cameo appearance in the next StarWars bar scene.

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 15:36 | 3282819 Father Lucifer
Father Lucifer's picture

Complete text of Timmahs presentation;

PRINT PRINT PRINT

BAILOUT

BAILOUT

BAILOUT

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 15:38 | 3282836 Bunga Bunga
Bunga Bunga's picture

If your finances are sound, your financial situation is in good shape just attend Timmy's seminar and follow his advice and -voila- you will get in trouble, guaranteed!

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 15:40 | 3282848 AldoHux_IV
AldoHux_IV's picture

the picture next to the header on this article was proper composition and had me laughing-- stupid college students don't even know what's coming at them.

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 15:41 | 3282854 EclecticParrot
EclecticParrot's picture

I'm all ears.

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 15:41 | 3282857 Screwball
Screwball's picture

Well if we weren't already convinced the entire fucking thing is upside down - this should do it.

This is really out of the "you can't make this shit up file."

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 15:49 | 3282889 Shizzmoney
Shizzmoney's picture

This is almost as bad as Hilter giving tips on how to properly work an oven.

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 15:54 | 3282916 irie1029
irie1029's picture

I am gagging.

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 15:54 | 3282917 Uncle Zuzu
Uncle Zuzu's picture

University of Michigan?  I am disappointed.  Where are we going to send our kids to college if midwestern state universities are now also contaminated?

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 16:08 | 3282974 akak
akak's picture

Hah!

You've obviously never been to UofM, which has been a bastion of statist orthodoxy and Keynesian indoctrination at least since the 1960s.  The whole theme and concept of 'political correctness' was actually born there.

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 17:48 | 3283328 Shizzmoney
Shizzmoney's picture

I follow some UofM professors on twitter.....they are so fucking blind deaf to what's happening in the "real economy" and defend the government's economy actions every step of the way (especially since Obama's in office).  Actually had a guy say on twitter, "I don't get why everyone hates Geithner?" #WTF

To most Michigan people who are from/live there, they understand that Ann Arbor doesn't represent the state - even its Democrats (who aren't the NeoLiberal type - they are actual people). 

I will also say all of the girls I've met from Michigan either went to MSU, CMU, or Oakland University.  All of them were SUPER sweet, SUPER cute, and could drink my ass under the table.

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 16:05 | 3282928 YouAreBliss
YouAreBliss's picture

Time to do the Bankster Dance!

 

Banksters Paradise by John Warren:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a2_xpgMSdFI

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 16:08 | 3282973 Joebloinvestor
Joebloinvestor's picture

I bet at least one of his appearances ends up like a Gallager show.

 

"No Food or Drink Allowed" will be the rule.

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 16:26 | 3283060 aerojet
aerojet's picture

Wait, are the seminars on how to create the crises or how to manage them?  I'm confused...

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 16:55 | 3283170 f16hoser
f16hoser's picture

Hey Geithner: 


???(?_?)???

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 17:17 | 3283251 paint it red ca...
paint it red call it hell's picture

I just gotta say, that frigg'n cheesy rat grin of his in the cover shot gives me the total creeps.........

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 18:01 | 3283375 Ghostdog
Ghostdog's picture

Maybe Dr Tim and Dr Phil can go around the country with a live demonstration on how the middle class can learn to cope with being rectally probed on a daily basis

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 18:59 | 3283572 Herkimer Jerkimer
Herkimer Jerkimer's picture

'

'

'

How can they possibly think of there being another one?

 

They tell us that it's all fixed.

 

They tell us that they have a handle on everything.

 

Then again, they didn't see the first one coming, now did they?

 

•J•
V-V

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 21:31 | 3284070 ljag
ljag's picture

I went to the hospital today for a minor procedure (endoscopy) and my throat hurts so I shouldn't laugh......but ever since that 'baked bean' comment, I have done nothing BUT. Stop it!!!! you guys are literally killing me!!

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 22:43 | 3284237 Ned Zeppelin
Ned Zeppelin's picture

Timmah: Dung made flesh.

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 23:25 | 3284354 MeelionDollerBogus
MeelionDollerBogus's picture

Next up in completely unrelated news, the Ted Kaczynski will be holding cross-country seminars on peaceful sit-ins & responsibly using explosives in a comforting University atmosphere. The month after will feature responsible accounting & managing your household budget with Bernie Madoff

Thu, 02/28/2013 - 10:53 | 3284758 Lord Of Finance
Lord Of Finance's picture

Hey. Remember the Geithner 'town hall' meeting about a year or so after the meltdown?  I think they advertised it as, "town hall with Timmy":)

It was part of the administrations(our comrad commanders) propaganda campaign to boost confidence and coincided with Timmys printed media propaganda proclamation, "Welcome to the recovery." So they then turn to the television medium to spread the propaganda to the couch potatoes by having Geithner field pre-screened questions from "curious and simple town folk".

    I recall seeing the camera pan the crowd when Geithner would respond to the weeks old pre-screened question,and the people would all be smiling and bobing there heads up and down like some t.v. paid advertisement product marketing scheme.


 

    Much in the same way that Stalin would invite American reporters to come check out the "recovery" behind the iron curtain, and Stalins henchmen would have the entire charade staged with happy smiling friendly people coming up to the reporters saying how they were so happy and living in paradise. Then they would have Russias finest whores come by the American reporters hotel rooms at night to seal the useful idiot propaganda deal. It's true. Many reports from the New York times as well as others were singing the praises of Stalins "recovery". 

   I think they should do more of those. They should include the Bernank as well. It should be an outdoor meeting with all the townspeople seated in a big circle jerk, and then have T & B show up in style, descending into the middle of the circle jerk in Bens chopper. T & B should come out throwing freshly printed dollar bills into the crowd. A voice coming from a loud speaker will proclaim, "Tim and Ben feel your pain, so they gonna make it rain!" A large banner should be hung just outside the circle with the words, "Welcome To The Recovery II".

Thu, 02/28/2013 - 02:05 | 3284761 Artful Dodger
Artful Dodger's picture

.

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