Tim Geithner To Hold Financial Crisis Seminars

Tyler Durden's picture




 

When it comes to generating near-apocalyptic financial crises, there are few men quite as qualified as the former NY Fed and US Treasury head Tim Geithner. Which is why it is not at all unexpected that while he is drafting his tell all memoirs, which may or may not include details on why he leaked confidential market moving Fed information to Wall Street's banks, the TurboTax expert is set to take the university circuit by storm and teach young and impressionable minds about how not to do anything he did. As WSJ reports, "Former Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner plans to hit the university circuit in the coming months, conducting a series of seminars on financial crises. Mr. Geithner, who left the Obama administration last month after four eventful years at Treasury, should have unique insights on such crises. He was president of the Federal Reserve Bank of New York and then Treasury secretary during the 2008-2009 financial meltdown. Mr. Geithner has committed to seminars at Harvard University, the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, Northwestern University, Princeton University and the University of Michigan." Surely, the future central planners of the world are already shaking with anticipation.

Mr. Geithner’s seminars, first reported by Politico, will focus on crisis prevention and crisis response, a spokeswoman said Wednesday. The goal is to create academic research that future policy makers and the public can use to better understand how and why governments act amid financial catastrophe.

 

The first seminar is planned for early March. Mr. Geithner plans to do a total of five to 10 over the course of the next year. More schools will be added. He won’t be paid for the seminars, the spokeswoman said.

 

The format is likely to be in smaller group roundtable, classroom or dinner sessions, the spokeswoman said.

 

Mr. Geithner, based in New York, earlier this month announced plans to write a book and join the Council on Foreign Relations as a distinguished fellow.

 

He’s also planning paid speeches as well as some engagements for nonprofit organizations and charities for no fee.

Perhaps it is not too late to petition that alongside Geithner, universities also demand that Bernie Madoff run parallel courses on the long-term viability of the US financial system and the fundamental "fair value" of the stock market, coupled with the occasional "client account sanctity" masterclass by one Jon Corzine.

After all, if reality has been fully LBOed by the Onion, one has to be fully invested for the Great Rotation into sheer full retardedness.

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Wed, 02/27/2013 - 15:17 | 3282721 waterhorse
waterhorse's picture

Wouldn't it be fun to go, just to heckle that little turd?

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 17:07 | 3283218 Crash Overide
Crash Overide's picture

Flash mob every speaking engagement. He's too dumb to hold an argument, a 6th grader could take him down.

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 15:24 | 3282760 williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture

Fucking Harvard Soviet...even though he didn't graduate there.

Let him lecture on the street and see what the people think!

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 17:10 | 3283227 wisefool
wisefool's picture

I do not like being a beggar anti-muse, but the Hank Paulson Institute at the University of Chicago was not on the list of engagements. Could use a WB7/Dukakis driveby timmay included.

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 18:31 | 3283480 Ratscam
Ratscam's picture

I am missing my alma mater the Wharton Business School on Geithners list. Quite a surprise for the USA #1 school in finance.
Thinking back, I would have made more money not attending it.
Yes, you concluded rightly, I do not work for GS, JPM or any other investment bank!

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 15:24 | 3282761 22winmag
22winmag's picture

Timmy... rat face or bat face?

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 15:39 | 3282842 tenpanhandle
tenpanhandle's picture

Definately rat faced even though he is a blood sucker.

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 18:37 | 3283502 Ratscam
Ratscam's picture

Timmi = too unworthy to get rat fucked!
greets ratscam

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 15:25 | 3282765 Glass Seagull
Glass Seagull's picture

 

 

Oh great...just fucking great.  That's like Lenny Dykstra holding those "How to make money in options" seminars.

A one-eyed king, this one.

 

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 15:27 | 3282775 AndrewJackson
AndrewJackson's picture

You really can't make this stuff up.

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 23:33 | 3284384 MeelionDollerBogus
MeelionDollerBogus's picture

And in futher unrelated news TheOnion declares bankruptcy - and no one even notices - because they are now reporting actual news without realizing it, or in some cases, making up shit that's so less insane than actual news that it isn't even a little funny.

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 15:28 | 3282778 TNTARG
TNTARG's picture

Tim Geithner to hold financial crisis seminars?

Wolf to hold chicken's safety seminars.

 

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 15:31 | 3282791 Bandit und Buster
Bandit und Buster's picture

+100000

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 15:29 | 3282787 economessed
economessed's picture

Tim couldn't find a way to get DeVry University on his schedule?

Thu, 02/28/2013 - 00:13 | 3284517 mharry
mharry's picture

I was thinking The University of Phoenix would be more appropriate for his talents.

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 15:31 | 3282793 NeedleDickTheBu...
NeedleDickTheBugFucker's picture

I assume MDB will be on Timmay's panel for the crisis seminar.

Thu, 02/28/2013 - 03:07 | 3284838 Lord Of Finance
Lord Of Finance's picture

Don't forget Dr. P.K.

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 15:31 | 3282795 JohnGaltsChild
JohnGaltsChild's picture

........................and, I hear he is going to make a cameo appearance in the next StarWars bar scene.

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 15:36 | 3282819 Father Lucifer
Father Lucifer's picture

Complete text of Timmahs presentation;

PRINT PRINT PRINT

BAILOUT

BAILOUT

BAILOUT

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 15:38 | 3282836 Bunga Bunga
Bunga Bunga's picture

If your finances are sound, your financial situation is in good shape just attend Timmy's seminar and follow his advice and -voila- you will get in trouble, guaranteed!

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 15:40 | 3282848 AldoHux_IV
AldoHux_IV's picture

the picture next to the header on this article was proper composition and had me laughing-- stupid college students don't even know what's coming at them.

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 15:41 | 3282854 EclecticParrot
EclecticParrot's picture

I'm all ears.

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 15:41 | 3282857 Screwball
Screwball's picture

Well if we weren't already convinced the entire fucking thing is upside down - this should do it.

This is really out of the "you can't make this shit up file."

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 15:49 | 3282889 Shizzmoney
Shizzmoney's picture

This is almost as bad as Hilter giving tips on how to properly work an oven.

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 15:54 | 3282916 irie1029
irie1029's picture

I am gagging.

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 15:54 | 3282917 Uncle Zuzu
Uncle Zuzu's picture

University of Michigan?  I am disappointed.  Where are we going to send our kids to college if midwestern state universities are now also contaminated?

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 16:08 | 3282974 akak
akak's picture

Hah!

You've obviously never been to UofM, which has been a bastion of statist orthodoxy and Keynesian indoctrination at least since the 1960s.  The whole theme and concept of 'political correctness' was actually born there.

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 17:48 | 3283328 Shizzmoney
Shizzmoney's picture

I follow some UofM professors on twitter.....they are so fucking blind deaf to what's happening in the "real economy" and defend the government's economy actions every step of the way (especially since Obama's in office).  Actually had a guy say on twitter, "I don't get why everyone hates Geithner?" #WTF

To most Michigan people who are from/live there, they understand that Ann Arbor doesn't represent the state - even its Democrats (who aren't the NeoLiberal type - they are actual people). 

I will also say all of the girls I've met from Michigan either went to MSU, CMU, or Oakland University.  All of them were SUPER sweet, SUPER cute, and could drink my ass under the table.

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 16:05 | 3282928 YouAreBliss
YouAreBliss's picture

Time to do the Bankster Dance!

 

Banksters Paradise by John Warren:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a2_xpgMSdFI

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 16:08 | 3282973 Joebloinvestor
Joebloinvestor's picture

I bet at least one of his appearances ends up like a Gallager show.

 

"No Food or Drink Allowed" will be the rule.

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 16:26 | 3283060 aerojet
aerojet's picture

Wait, are the seminars on how to create the crises or how to manage them?  I'm confused...

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 16:55 | 3283170 f16hoser
f16hoser's picture

Hey Geithner: 


???(?_?)???

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 17:17 | 3283251 paint it red ca...
paint it red call it hell's picture

I just gotta say, that frigg'n cheesy rat grin of his in the cover shot gives me the total creeps.........

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 18:01 | 3283375 Ghostdog
Ghostdog's picture

Maybe Dr Tim and Dr Phil can go around the country with a live demonstration on how the middle class can learn to cope with being rectally probed on a daily basis

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 18:59 | 3283572 Herkimer Jerkimer
Herkimer Jerkimer's picture

'

'

'

How can they possibly think of there being another one?

 

They tell us that it's all fixed.

 

They tell us that they have a handle on everything.

 

Then again, they didn't see the first one coming, now did they?

 

•J•
V-V

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 21:31 | 3284070 ljag
ljag's picture

I went to the hospital today for a minor procedure (endoscopy) and my throat hurts so I shouldn't laugh......but ever since that 'baked bean' comment, I have done nothing BUT. Stop it!!!! you guys are literally killing me!!

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 22:43 | 3284237 Ned Zeppelin
Ned Zeppelin's picture

Timmah: Dung made flesh.

Wed, 02/27/2013 - 23:25 | 3284354 MeelionDollerBogus
MeelionDollerBogus's picture

Next up in completely unrelated news, the Ted Kaczynski will be holding cross-country seminars on peaceful sit-ins & responsibly using explosives in a comforting University atmosphere. The month after will feature responsible accounting & managing your household budget with Bernie Madoff

Thu, 02/28/2013 - 10:53 | 3284758 Lord Of Finance
Lord Of Finance's picture

Hey. Remember the Geithner 'town hall' meeting about a year or so after the meltdown?  I think they advertised it as, "town hall with Timmy":)

It was part of the administrations(our comrad commanders) propaganda campaign to boost confidence and coincided with Timmys printed media propaganda proclamation, "Welcome to the recovery." So they then turn to the television medium to spread the propaganda to the couch potatoes by having Geithner field pre-screened questions from "curious and simple town folk".

    I recall seeing the camera pan the crowd when Geithner would respond to the weeks old pre-screened question,and the people would all be smiling and bobing there heads up and down like some t.v. paid advertisement product marketing scheme.


 

    Much in the same way that Stalin would invite American reporters to come check out the "recovery" behind the iron curtain, and Stalins henchmen would have the entire charade staged with happy smiling friendly people coming up to the reporters saying how they were so happy and living in paradise. Then they would have Russias finest whores come by the American reporters hotel rooms at night to seal the useful idiot propaganda deal. It's true. Many reports from the New York times as well as others were singing the praises of Stalins "recovery". 

   I think they should do more of those. They should include the Bernank as well. It should be an outdoor meeting with all the townspeople seated in a big circle jerk, and then have T & B show up in style, descending into the middle of the circle jerk in Bens chopper. T & B should come out throwing freshly printed dollar bills into the crowd. A voice coming from a loud speaker will proclaim, "Tim and Ben feel your pain, so they gonna make it rain!" A large banner should be hung just outside the circle with the words, "Welcome To The Recovery II".

Thu, 02/28/2013 - 02:05 | 3284761 Artful Dodger
Artful Dodger's picture

.

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