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Thursday Humor: The Trader's 'Paper Clip' Helper

Tyler Durden's picture




 

As equity indices 'stabilize' ready for their CNBC-counted-down surge to new all-time highs and the holy grail of economic-growth-creating money-printing-fed inflationary-wealth-effect, we thought a blast from the past would 'help'...

 

(h/t @Not_Jim_Cramer)

 

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Thu, 02/28/2013 - 16:45 | 3287447 SemperFord
SemperFord's picture

Porn damn it, PORN! 

Thu, 02/28/2013 - 16:46 | 3287455 Careless Whisper
Careless Whisper's picture

The Careless Whisper Afternoon Financial News Update & Threadjacking

 

GoldmanSachs Going After Pension Funds In Chile; $150 Billion. "Actively Considering" A Boiler Room There

http://www.bloomberg.com/news/2013-02-28/goldman-playing-cowboy-in-chile...

FLASHBACK VIDEO: David Rockefeller Told -- Leave Chile Now!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GFWzDFjBKUw

 

 

 

 

Thu, 02/28/2013 - 17:02 | 3287553 James_Cole
James_Cole's picture

Wow, paperclip has sure got a lot better than I remember. 

Thu, 02/28/2013 - 17:06 | 3287570 DJ Happy Ending
DJ Happy Ending's picture

A Google Glass app that could pop this up for all of life's misconceptions caused by propaganda might go a long way toward educating the sheeple on the true nature of their world.

Thu, 02/28/2013 - 17:24 | 3287632 onelight
onelight's picture

Maybe not -- perhaps Google Glass will simply end up being an everyone-a-spy tool, helping end the private citizen's ability to walk down the street without being on one hidden camera or another -- now everyone walking down the street will be a video camera, and to what end? Much perhaps most use of Glass will be innocuous, but a door is being opened to other undetectable opportunities for tyranny via mob. 

Thu, 02/28/2013 - 18:04 | 3287805 thisandthat
thisandthat's picture

Long sunglasses

 

...or niqabs :P

Thu, 02/28/2013 - 18:10 | 3287838 DJ Happy Ending
DJ Happy Ending's picture

You don't think independent developers will be able to write their own apps for Glass?

Generally tools like this benefit both sides--TPTB and the individual. For example, China uses the Internet to control people, ZH uses it to debunk propaganda.

Thu, 02/28/2013 - 18:14 | 3287849 onelight
onelight's picture

Good point you make -- the daily bell writes about the internet reformation in that vein -- let's hope it's a level-able playing field -- I just wonder how the brits fare with it -- in london they already have a million cameras...and too, what's to stop developers of video-jamming technology to jam the block when they walk down it, that would level the playing field -- an emp-like instant-privacy-creation tool -- guess those would be illegalized tho

Thu, 02/28/2013 - 19:14 | 3288070 The Alarmist
The Alarmist's picture

Kill Clippy! Die! Die! Die!

Thu, 02/28/2013 - 19:02 | 3288015 A Nanny Moose
A Nanny Moose's picture

"Free" apps? Complete with periodic commercials. Ugh!

Thu, 02/28/2013 - 18:57 | 3287994 Scro
Scro's picture

Screw google glass, get a wraptastic (it comes with rubber feet!)

Thu, 02/28/2013 - 19:55 | 3288240 Kriya144
Kriya144's picture

Timmy!

Fri, 03/01/2013 - 04:55 | 3289344 StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

Yay, I luv this site!

Thu, 02/28/2013 - 17:03 | 3287558 TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

P.A. Announcement at 33 Liberty: "Kevin Henry, please report to The Bernank's office."

Thu, 02/28/2013 - 16:46 | 3287457 AlaricBalth
AlaricBalth's picture

CNBC: Chewing gum for the eyes.

Thu, 02/28/2013 - 16:57 | 3287516 monad
monad's picture

TV is electronic heroin, CNBC is a powerful psychedelic anesthetic programmed by professional asshattards. The irony is that the professional asshattards are addicted to their own junk.

Kill your TV

Thu, 02/28/2013 - 16:59 | 3287529 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

"Kill your TV"

I'm waiting for prices to go up before I sell.

Thu, 02/28/2013 - 17:01 | 3287542 Fish Gone Bad
Fish Gone Bad's picture

Now I have even more reasons to hate Clippy...

Thu, 02/28/2013 - 17:04 | 3287565 New_Meat
New_Meat's picture

used to type in "kill the fucking paperclip" and get instructions on how to turn it off.

Thu, 02/28/2013 - 17:01 | 3287544 bania
bania's picture

"The irony is that the professional asshattards are addicted to their own junk."

 

Don't get high on your own supply.

Thu, 02/28/2013 - 17:01 | 3287545 azzhatter
azzhatter's picture

Agreed from an asshat. But you have to admit watching LIESman explain Bernanke while jizm is running down his cheeks is good entertainment

Thu, 02/28/2013 - 17:26 | 3287616 SillySalesmanQu...
SillySalesmanQuestion's picture

For anyone who still watches or listens to the asshats on CNBC (myself included) a little dose of Mothers Little Helper to ease the pain http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=13olfeD026g

Thu, 02/28/2013 - 17:52 | 3287763 Buckaroo Banzai
Buckaroo Banzai's picture

Don't bother killing your TV, the broken glass gets everywhere. Instead, simply disconnect your cable TV or satellite TV service. Keep the $100+ every month and STOP FEEDING THE BEAST.

Thu, 02/28/2013 - 19:25 | 3288126 Pareto
Pareto's picture

asshattards +1, good one

Fri, 03/01/2013 - 06:32 | 3289403 MSimon
MSimon's picture

Youp

Thu, 02/28/2013 - 16:47 | 3287458 Manthong
Manthong's picture

e.  Just tell you to have another bite of your Soylent Green and take another sip of the Kool-Aid.

Thu, 02/28/2013 - 17:03 | 3287472 CaptainSpaulding
CaptainSpaulding's picture

<=== Search for best online porn sites

<=== I never watch porn

 

Thu, 02/28/2013 - 17:13 | 3287607 Toolshed
Toolshed's picture

Does no one get FREE porn from the newsgroups anymore? Most people don't seem to have ever heard of the newsgroups. Maybe it's better that way actually.

Thu, 02/28/2013 - 17:35 | 3287673 AnonymousCitizen
AnonymousCitizen's picture

The first rule of newsgroups is to not talk about newsgroups.

Thu, 02/28/2013 - 17:42 | 3287705 Kilgore Trout
Kilgore Trout's picture

alt.porn.midget.trannies

Fri, 03/01/2013 - 01:30 | 3289184 CaptainSpaulding
CaptainSpaulding's picture

Try easynews.

Thu, 02/28/2013 - 17:14 | 3287611 Fish Gone Bad
Fish Gone Bad's picture

At one time, all you had to do was type in "Britney Spears" in Google and you got a ton of porn hits. 

Fri, 03/01/2013 - 06:37 | 3289406 MSimon
MSimon's picture

Youp.

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 08:21 | 3295062 matrix2012
matrix2012's picture

one should go to torrent!

in the past softarchive.net and avahome.ru are also good places, dunno nowadays, stop being there long ago ;)

too much pron will cause brain damage!!!

Thu, 02/28/2013 - 16:52 | 3287478 francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

<== Paper Clips are in a bubble, let's advise our clients to BUY... [Lloyd Blankfein]

<== Let's see if we can create a "PAPER" market in Paper Clips... [Jamie Dimon]

Thu, 02/28/2013 - 16:50 | 3287479 Vincent Vega
Vincent Vega's picture

O/T but recently I've noticed that Bloomberg now has ZH articles as part of it's scrolling news. Not sure if I should congratulte ZH for being recognized or loathe Bloomberg <even more>....perhaps a bit of both are in order. Keep up the great work ZH.

Thu, 02/28/2013 - 16:59 | 3287528 IamtheREALmario
IamtheREALmario's picture

Yes ... I have been noticing how "mainstream" ZH is getting. It posts articles around the clock, has lots and lots of sponsors and is being quoted and linked to by sic "other" mainstream sources. ZH has taken on that mainstream slick-type look and feel, just as Infowars and others have.

Seems like it might be time to move on and forget about ZH.

Thu, 02/28/2013 - 17:06 | 3287571 blu
blu's picture

Dude you forgot the /sarc flag again.

 

 

I mean you did forget it right? Tell us all how this is just a big misunderstanding.

Thu, 02/28/2013 - 17:11 | 3287597 Toolshed
Toolshed's picture

Please do.

Thu, 02/28/2013 - 17:39 | 3287662 UnRealized Reality
UnRealized Reality's picture

Well, the good news is you figured it out, the bad news is not everyone else has. ZH info is no different then the MSM and if people took time to get their head out of ZH and compare the two, they would realize it. They must get those clicks. Coming back here after 2 years made me realize why I left in the first place.

Thu, 02/28/2013 - 17:47 | 3287732 francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

So ~ It took you 23 weeks to figure out that you wanted to leave...

~~~

That puts your departure time around AUGUST 2010 [when QE1 was announced]... Were you worried that you'd stop receiving invitations to the Hampton's party circuit?

Thu, 02/28/2013 - 17:48 | 3287733 francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

[calculated opon your user profile]

Thu, 02/28/2013 - 16:59 | 3287532 blu
blu's picture

You can worry when Tyler sits down with Oprah to talk about life/work balance and a possible book deal in the works.

Thu, 02/28/2013 - 16:55 | 3287501 Ineverslice
Ineverslice's picture

 

Turn off CNBC.

Thu, 02/28/2013 - 16:57 | 3287504 blu
blu's picture

Oh hey Tyler -- Microsoft is at the door. Something something and breaking your kneecaps. Should I tell them you are out? Yeah? 'Kay bro ...

Thu, 02/28/2013 - 16:56 | 3287510 azzhatter
azzhatter's picture

I always remember my dad before he passed away. My brother mentioned Jim Cramer and my dad said "Is that jackass still on TV?" "People aren't as smart as they used to be"

Thu, 02/28/2013 - 18:15 | 3287857 onelight
onelight's picture

Your old man was wise.

Thu, 02/28/2013 - 16:57 | 3287519 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

All of the above please.

<Thank you Sir. May I have another?>

Thu, 02/28/2013 - 16:59 | 3287527 azzhatter
azzhatter's picture

This morning they were touting the "Becky and Warren get in the bath tub together show coming up"

 

Thu, 02/28/2013 - 17:01 | 3287541 RunningMan
RunningMan's picture

Awesome. Will the paperclip just bluescreen no matter what I click?

Thu, 02/28/2013 - 17:10 | 3287588 blu
blu's picture

Yes and it's being hailed as an improvement over the original default behavior where no matter what you clicked it would log into your retail account and buy AAPL on margin.

Thu, 02/28/2013 - 17:14 | 3287609 blu
blu's picture

Okay I think that's about the funniest comment I've ever left here. I don't know why but it's got me cracked up.

Or maybe I'm just losing it. That would be okay too. I'm ready Lord ...

Thu, 02/28/2013 - 17:25 | 3287634 hapless
hapless's picture

<===== Funny.

<===== Losing it.

Thu, 02/28/2013 - 17:09 | 3287580 buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

dear paper clip: buy 500 shares jcp immediately. btfd, that is all.

Thu, 02/28/2013 - 19:59 | 3288253 jimmytorpedo
jimmytorpedo's picture

high frequency paperclip

Thu, 02/28/2013 - 17:40 | 3287665 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

LOL!

Love it.

"Clippy Gets Clipped" from the introduction of Office XP, Gilbert Gottfried does Clippy's voice, funny stuff:

Episode 1:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NI2LVI4xgvs

Episode 2:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bv0nxHad-Eg

Episode 3:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z4ZvLYuLKcA

Thu, 02/28/2013 - 19:08 | 3288042 monad
monad's picture

Tonight on CSPAN86 talking apes dominate a race of primitive humans.

Thu, 02/28/2013 - 19:11 | 3288054 roonbox
roonbox's picture

I'm going long Microsoft

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