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Friday Humor: World's Safest Banks In 2008

Tyler Durden's picture




 

In September of 2008, Global Finance magazine published its 'World's Safest Banks 2008' list with this comment: "These 10 banks have demonstrated an appropriately prudent approach to risk in providing international financial services; More than ever customers are viewing strong credit quality as an important feature of the banks with which they do business." Things didn't work out quote as they expected...

 

 

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Fri, 03/01/2013 - 16:03 | 3291356 McMolotov
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I choose the Bank of Sealy Posturepedic.

Fri, 03/01/2013 - 16:11 | 3291383 James_Cole
James_Cole's picture

No! No! No! Dexia is not in trouble. If anything, they're more likely to be taken over. Don't move your money from Dexia.

http://www.global100.org/annual-lists/2011-global-100-list.html

#17, not bad!

Fri, 03/01/2013 - 16:17 | 3291400 MillionDollarBonus_
MillionDollarBonus_'s picture

Why don't the inflation alarmists on this site simply invest their hard earned savings in inflation linked bonds? The bond is indexed to the official CPI inflation figure, so investors are entirely hedged against the apocalyptic "Weimar" scenarios that zerohedgers have nightmares about. But I'm sure that's far too reasonable for doomer goons. 

Fri, 03/01/2013 - 16:19 | 3291416 fonestar
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MF*n Global

Because intelligent doomers do not invest where there is no rule of law.

Fri, 03/01/2013 - 17:15 | 3291647 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

I'm guessing that Wells was "safe" as soon as Uncle Warren unloaded all of his silver before he really wanted to.

Fri, 03/01/2013 - 17:38 | 3291733 Divided States ...
Divided States of America's picture

The only bank that will never go out of business will be the Sperm bank...trust me, I think when shit hits the fan, there will be a lineup to donate.

Sat, 03/02/2013 - 05:51 | 3293045 StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

No thanks, I'll just keep making deposits into the end-users. :>D

Fri, 03/01/2013 - 16:19 | 3291418 Jackagain
Jackagain's picture

Because the CPI is a crock of Bernanke...

Fri, 03/01/2013 - 17:02 | 3291592 cynicalskeptic
cynicalskeptic's picture

a very much larger crock that you're told...... like unemployment (close to 24% in reality)

Who wants an 'inflation protected' bond that offsets inflation by a quarter of what it really is?

Fri, 03/01/2013 - 16:22 | 3291427 Robot Traders Mom
Robot Traders Mom's picture

You answered your own question. 

Fri, 03/01/2013 - 16:25 | 3291441 FL_Conservative
FL_Conservative's picture

"Son, fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life."

Fri, 03/01/2013 - 19:31 | 3292057 Imminent Crucible
Imminent Crucible's picture

MDB is an overweight teenager posting from the school library, who has an emission every time he gets five people to take the troll bait.

Fri, 03/01/2013 - 16:26 | 3291445 MiguelitoRaton
MiguelitoRaton's picture

...and any long-term bond won't pay the principal anyway. If we could really trust government, we wouldn't have such problems.

Fri, 03/01/2013 - 16:27 | 3291449 Confundido
Confundido's picture

My fucking caffe latte at Second Cup was just marked up by 3% last week, I used to pay 56cents a litter of fuel in 2002 and today I pay $1.30, less than a decade ago, $100 afforded our family food in a decent supermarket for a week, my MBA tuition cost me $25,000 over two years at a top school only ten years ago, I used to be able to fly to another country in another hemisphere for only $700 and now I am lucky if I can buy the ticket for $1,200, shall I go on??? And, I am sorry, where is that CPI you'r talking about? At 2%? Perhaps I am different than the rest. Perhaps the rest do not need food, vacations, education, fuel, a car, etc. I would not be surprised if that was the case...after all,that's why I am called a gold bug!

Fri, 03/01/2013 - 16:32 | 3291462 blu
blu's picture

"Perhaps the rest do not need food, vacations, education, fuel, a car, etc."

Food, sure. But the rest actually no. Including probably "etc".

People have been convinced they need a lot more crap than they do. If they ever wake up to reality the global economy will implode within 72 hours.

Fri, 03/01/2013 - 17:05 | 3291600 cynicalskeptic
cynicalskeptic's picture

Heating oil was under a dollar and my local property taxes under $10,000 when we bought 20 yeas ago.  Today heating oil is over $4.50 and property taxes are approching $35,000........

gag.

Fri, 03/01/2013 - 18:56 | 3291944 jimmytorpedo
jimmytorpedo's picture

property tax $35 000!?

where the fuck do you live?

we have 450+acres, 2 5 bedroom houses, 10 barns and indoor arena,... and we pay under 12 all said and done

you should move

my god, 35 g's just so the man doesn't come and kill you and take it

i hope you get garbage pick up EVERY DAY

Fri, 03/01/2013 - 19:50 | 3292099 steve from virginia
steve from virginia's picture

 

 

By themselves high fuel costs are not inflation(ary). For there to be inflation, wages must increase to meet the high prices of other goods.

 

Fuel costs more, the good ol' days of Spindletop and Cantarell are gone forever.

 

Soon enough, gasoline will cost $15 per liter and there will be no flights to any other continent that you will be able to afford.

 

I hope you have some photos of your trip(s) overseas you can share with your kids!

 

 

Sat, 03/02/2013 - 00:13 | 3292686 mkhs
mkhs's picture

Such doom and gloom.  At one time, they used to sail across the ocean.  I gues steamships are out because coal is bad.  Or did we forget how to accomplish these ancient wonders?

Sat, 03/02/2013 - 23:20 | 3294720 cynicalskeptic
cynicalskeptic's picture

NYC burbs are EXPENSIVE places to live.  Even now a starter house in one of the not-the-best towns is almost a half million - with taxres in the $20,000 range.

A good number of the 1%ers  - those just over the line - are very middle class living in expensive places.  You're paid good money but the reality is you can live a better lifestyle for a lot less elsewhere.  The problem is getting work.  If you've got a good job you're not going to give it up in these times.

We bought at the market low after Gulf I when you couldn't give a house away. 20% down over 8% mortgage.  Doesn't matter if I've put thousands of hours in renovating the place - no credit for my labor against 'capital gains' - and inflation means my assessed value has tripled (though taxes have gone up even faster than that).  Reality is that living ANYWHER near NYC is going to cost you - in up front costs or commuting costs.  Two stops and 30 minutes out of Grand Central is preferable to over an hour.   Too many people buy a nice place and are NEVER home to enjoy it, NEVER see their kids.....

Would LOVE to retire early and move out to ..... could probably even afford to do so except for health care costs.   Paying for that on your own until 65 is prohibitive.

Fri, 03/01/2013 - 16:32 | 3291450 Ham-bone
Ham-bone's picture

+1 for use of "doomer goons"...polite golf clap for you MDB.

Fri, 03/01/2013 - 16:42 | 3291507 sessinpo
sessinpo's picture

MillionDollarLoser   "Why don't the inflation alarmists on this site simply invest their hard earned savings in inflation linked bonds"

 

Perhaps because government statitstics are messaged so that inflation can be easily manipulated downward.

Fri, 03/01/2013 - 17:11 | 3291629 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Ya know, I keep thinking people will start ignoring you, but no, they keep right on hooking themselves.

Must be the direct insults that puts them over the line.

Good Jorb.

Fri, 03/01/2013 - 17:26 | 3291690 willpoi
willpoi's picture

MillionDollarBonus_ , Why do you read and comment on zerohedge? Is it because you like to be the only opposing voice in the room? When I read your comments i always sense your tone in my head to be like Napolean Dynomite. GAAAW!!!

Fri, 03/01/2013 - 19:28 | 3292048 Imminent Crucible
Imminent Crucible's picture

Hey, why didn't I think of that? Us doomer goons could dredge all of our gold up off the bottom of Lake Erie and convert it into the empty promises of an insolvent government that is currently borrowing nearly half of EVERY DOLLAR it spends, and we can sleep like babies because Millard Doggie Boner assures us that those TIPS are indexed to the price of gasol---uh, cost of grocer---uh, I mean, the waterboarded inflation statistics from the Brigades of Lying Statisticians whose paychecks depend on said government being able to continue to borrow, lie and inflate.

Fri, 03/01/2013 - 19:32 | 3292058 venturen
venturen's picture

MDB Because they aren't IDIOT! Maybe you have notive that housing, fuel and food have already increaded 2-10 times....but somehow inflation is 1%... please explain who ILB help in the BIG LIE! Next you will tell us deficit and don't matter! 

Fri, 03/01/2013 - 19:36 | 3292071 myptofvu
myptofvu's picture

The CPI??? You mean the I don't like this set of data it makes us look bad so lets throw it out CPI

Sat, 03/02/2013 - 12:40 | 3293481 Tijuana Donkey Show
Tijuana Donkey Show's picture

Much better MDB, your getting back to normal.

Fri, 03/01/2013 - 16:11 | 3291388 ParkAveFlasher
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El Banco Cilindrico de Juan Valdez

Fri, 03/01/2013 - 18:43 | 3291917 DaddyO
DaddyO's picture

<== +1 Long live - El Banco Cilindrico de Juan Valdez

<== -1 Invest in Inflation Linked Bonds

DaddyO

Fri, 03/01/2013 - 16:40 | 3291497 sessinpo
sessinpo's picture

A fire proof safe is much better. But I get your drift and agree with you. The safest bank is one that no one knows about.

Fri, 03/01/2013 - 17:14 | 3291640 Clayton Bigsby
Clayton Bigsby's picture

LOL... Well played, sir.  I doff my chapeau to thee...

Fri, 03/01/2013 - 16:04 | 3291358 unrulian
unrulian's picture

OxyMORON?

Fri, 03/01/2013 - 16:04 | 3291361 SDRII
SDRII's picture

still no sighting of the former CFO of wells fargo

Fri, 03/01/2013 - 16:05 | 3291367 Killer the Buzzard
Killer the Buzzard's picture

Alas, I had a boating accident and my bank is at the bottom or the river.

Fri, 03/01/2013 - 16:12 | 3291396 in-Credible Banker
in-Credible Banker's picture

Sorry all...just one question.  I see these "boating accident" references all the time.  Other than the obvious....my boat sank with monster boxes on board....from where do these comments originate?

 

Sorry!

 

D

Fri, 03/01/2013 - 16:17 | 3291410 Ham-bone
Ham-bone's picture

first rule of fight club...never talk about fight club (or explain boating accidents/incidents)

Fri, 03/01/2013 - 16:23 | 3291437 Jackagain
Jackagain's picture

Read "Where Are the Customers' Yachts?" by Fred Schwed Jr.

Fri, 03/01/2013 - 16:41 | 3291501 in-Credible Banker
in-Credible Banker's picture

Thank you!

Fri, 03/01/2013 - 18:59 | 3291949 jimmytorpedo
jimmytorpedo's picture

in Canada we have ice fishing accidents during the other half of the year

fish like shiny stuff too

Fri, 03/01/2013 - 16:44 | 3291518 sessinpo
sessinpo's picture

That's okay, since we know you had a boat, which most American's don't, we'll tax you at an extra high rate. Thanks in advance.

Fri, 03/01/2013 - 16:07 | 3291369 Tinky
Tinky's picture

Remember kids, if you can't pronounce the name, it references the Wild West, or inlcudes a mysterious acronym, don't park your savings there.

Fri, 03/01/2013 - 16:06 | 3291370 Dick Darlington
Dick Darlington's picture

Dexia... LOL! Eye watering...

Fri, 03/01/2013 - 16:07 | 3291371 Dick Darlington
Dick Darlington's picture

Mirror mirror on the wall who's the ugliest bailout queen of them all.

Fri, 03/01/2013 - 16:08 | 3291373 Racer
Racer's picture

And the editor, was of course, the far sighted chairSATAN

Fri, 03/01/2013 - 16:08 | 3291376 buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

Dexia bitchez. A Bernie Madoff approved institution.

Fri, 03/01/2013 - 16:30 | 3291387 TruthInSunshine
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I'm a Patriot and only use  Team Greek America.

Fri, 03/01/2013 - 16:13 | 3291395 ParkAveFlasher
ParkAveFlasher's picture

AAAAnd it's gone.

Fri, 03/01/2013 - 16:13 | 3291398 Black Forest
Black Forest's picture

Those good old times. I deeply miss them.

Fri, 03/01/2013 - 16:16 | 3291403 jubber
jubber's picture

What is there 2013 Top Ten?

Fri, 03/01/2013 - 17:07 | 3291616 Piranhanoia
Piranhanoia's picture

World Savings isn't on the list?  

Fri, 03/01/2013 - 16:16 | 3291404 Bam_Man
Bam_Man's picture

What? Bankia and Monte dei Paschi di Siena didn't make the list?

Fri, 03/01/2013 - 16:18 | 3291414 THECOMINGDEPRESSION
THECOMINGDEPRESSION's picture

Wait until CANADA's BANKS hit the "low 10"..Propaganda at its finest in CANADA

Fri, 03/01/2013 - 16:21 | 3291422 debtor of last ...
debtor of last resort's picture

Friday humor may 16, 2014: the world's safest CENTRAL banks.

Fri, 03/01/2013 - 16:29 | 3291452 blu
blu's picture

... followed by a GW post titled "My Favorite Recipies for Squirrel."

Fri, 03/01/2013 - 16:33 | 3291467 e_goldstein
e_goldstein's picture

Both carved in stone tablets.

Fri, 03/01/2013 - 17:09 | 3291622 debtor of last ...
debtor of last resort's picture

Served by mrs. Watanabe's daughter.

Fri, 03/01/2013 - 16:23 | 3291426 Bunga Bunga
Bunga Bunga's picture

Lehman Bros umbrellas anyone? Spiderman towles?

Fri, 03/01/2013 - 16:41 | 3291503 Ham-bone
Ham-bone's picture

Tyler(s),

given the frequency of F bombs is accelerating by ZH posters, I take this as a sign ZH readers frustration is ramping and that Friday humor may need to become a more regular feature...just my two fucking cents.

Fri, 03/01/2013 - 16:44 | 3291514 weltvermesser
weltvermesser's picture

hahaha FUNNY! -

NRW BANK?---after WEST LB the next to fall in GERMANY...running the provincial state of Northrhine-Westphalia into Bancrupcy.

http://www.wdr.de/tv/westpol/sendungsbeitraege/2012/0325/nrwbank.jsp

(english translation more or less " next billion $ grave")

 

Sat, 03/02/2013 - 02:20 | 3292880 Sandmann
Sandmann's picture

And HVB ? Depfa ? NordLB ?

Fri, 03/01/2013 - 17:22 | 3291671 neutrinoman
neutrinoman's picture

Now, now, no sour grapes or schadenfreude -- take your medicine and listen to your betters :)

Fri, 03/01/2013 - 17:56 | 3291776 godzila
godzila's picture

Noe of those banks went bust, so what is the issue here ?

Fri, 03/01/2013 - 20:20 | 3292158 smacker
smacker's picture

 

 

Lloyds TSB nearly went bust in 2008. It is now partly state owned after a heap of taxpayers's money was poured down is throat.

Sat, 03/02/2013 - 02:19 | 3292878 Sandmann
Sandmann's picture

It did go bust. It had no equity after HBOS. Banks are ALL Bust simply living on Government Guarantee. There is no other purpose today that Taxpayers propping up Banks which are basically insolvent

Sat, 03/02/2013 - 02:19 | 3292879 Sandmann
Sandmann's picture

It did go bust. It had no equity after HBOS. Banks are ALL Bust simply living on Government Guarantee. There is no other purpose today that Taxpayers propping up Banks which are basically insolvent

Sat, 03/02/2013 - 02:17 | 3292874 Sandmann
Sandmann's picture

You are clearly one that has examined the Balance Sheets of these Banks and checked their loan book. So explain to me why I have lost 90%+ of my capital in the No6 bank on that list. Why it is dependent on Government Bond trading for subsidy; why it expanded its shares in issue to 69,431,144,289 having issued 36,000,000,000 Shares in 2009. A Bank founded in 1765 ehich was rock solid until it was forced into merger with HBOS by a Government which excluded details of a £60 Billion loan to HBOS propping up the bank from the Prpspectus in breach of the Financial Services & Markets Act. They created a false market. The £60 billion was secretly repaid to the Government in September 2008.  It was never mentioned to Shareholdrs.

godzila must be a perfect stooge for the political class which has sold out the future to prop up banks and EXPROPRIATED Savers and Shareholders.

Fri, 03/01/2013 - 18:04 | 3291796 Radical Marijuana
Radical Marijuana's picture

How could there be any "safe" bank when the whole system is privatized and globalized electronic fiat money frauds, backed up by governments with weapons of mass destruction. Only a very well-developed macabre sense of humour can laugh at the magnitude of those evils!

Fri, 03/01/2013 - 18:32 | 3291888 mt paul
mt paul's picture

glad i still have my

Bear Sterns account..

Fri, 03/01/2013 - 23:22 | 3292543 Jam Akin
Jam Akin's picture

I thought it was content from the Onion before doing a double take and reading the date.

Sat, 03/02/2013 - 02:22 | 3292885 Sandmann
Sandmann's picture

Americans have it much easier. Banks are a smaller proportion of GDP than in Europe. US business is not as dependent on bank finance as in Europe. The US Stock Market is not limited to Oils and Banks as in the UK making investment diversification hard. Britain has been destroyed by Banks and will probably implode

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