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First Horse(meat) Trading, Now 59% Of "Tuna" Sold In The U.S. Isn’t Tuna

Tyler Durden's picture


Submitted by Michael Krieger of Liberty Blitzkrieg blog,


New Study Shows 59% of “Tuna” Sold in the U.S. Isn’t Tuna



This is just the latest revelation in the stealth inflation and food fraud theme I have written about frequently in recent months.  The non-profit group Oceana took samples of 1,215 fish sold in the U.S. and genetic tests found that that 59% of those labeled tuna were mislabeled.


It seems that “white tuna” should be avoided in particular as “84% of fish samples labeled “white tuna” were actually escolar, a fish that can cause prolonged, uncontrollable, oily anal leakage.”


Oh and if you live in my hometown of New York City, you should pay particular attention:

Big Apple has big problem with seafood fraud:  94 percent of tuna and more than three quarters of sushi samples in New York City mislabeled.


Of the 142 fish samples collected in New York, 39 percent were mislabeled. New York City led the nation with the highest occurrence of mislabeled salmon as well as the highest amount of fraud among salmon collected from grocery stores and restaurants.

The full report from Oceana can be found here.

Bon appétit!


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Sat, 03/02/2013 - 19:13 | 3294242 NemoDeNovo
NemoDeNovo's picture

Why am I not surprised?  What's next Ben's Beard is a fake too?

Sat, 03/02/2013 - 19:17 | 3294260 spankthebernank
spankthebernank's picture

I'll have the sashimi with a side of oily anal leakage....thanks.

Sat, 03/02/2013 - 19:34 | 3294291 knukles
knukles's picture

Escolar: Breakfast of Political Champions

Sat, 03/02/2013 - 19:58 | 3294350 PhilB
PhilB's picture

Mislabeled - more Douplespeak. There is just no accountability in the system. Banks can commit no crime, even at the extreme of sloshing funds around for terrorist states, still no crime. We've been without a pilot for some time now, if we aint going down, we will hit a mountain eventually.

Sat, 03/02/2013 - 22:21 | 3294623 WayBehind
WayBehind's picture

Thats why I always order salmon. I know it was safely farmed and fed with antibiotics and growth hormones so I have no worries. 

Sat, 03/02/2013 - 23:04 | 3294687 Richard Chesler
Richard Chesler's picture

You voted for Obozo the corrupt banksters' puppet you deserve to eat shit.

Hope and change bitchez!


Sat, 03/02/2013 - 23:18 | 3294714 Raymond K Hessel
Raymond K Hessel's picture

Apparently, soda is more of a health issue than escolar fish.  



Sun, 03/03/2013 - 00:21 | 3294785 Oh regional Indian
Oh regional Indian's picture


Even huntung : CJD Deer + Ticks (Lyme)

Fishing : GM Salmon/ General Heavy Metal toxcity

"Packaged Meats": Enough said anyways

It's okay to change. I was a meat-it-tarian till 1994. Then, one day, just like that... I was done and all has been well enough since, actually much, much better.

Diet is a habit. Wear it carefully.

Be well all.



Sun, 03/03/2013 - 00:42 | 3294808 gmrpeabody
gmrpeabody's picture

Note to self:  eat more beef.

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 00:54 | 3294824 Oh regional Indian
Oh regional Indian's picture

The beef with beef is all of the above(ine) and more.

Remember Oprah's beef with the burger? And how the texas ranch lobby made her eat crow (or was it beef?).

For everyone, highly recommended:

My Year of Meats...

Eye-popping stuff. Perhaps anal leaking too....

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 01:03 | 3294834 Dane Bramage
Dane Bramage's picture

One of the fringe benefits of the coming collapse/correction = it'll be more difficult to eat factory-farmed shit.... or, more PC, local and agrarian economies will thrive.  Mewanwhile, STFU leave the twigs to the ruminants (w/four stomachs) and ~> +

I stay away from fish anyways.  Even if it weren't for Fukushima, BP, etc., etc., serious mercury toxicity.  Shame that.


Sun, 03/03/2013 - 01:42 | 3294872 LetThemEatRand
LetThemEatRand's picture

Pork -- the other anal leakage meat.

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 06:49 | 3295014 chumbawamba
chumbawamba's picture

Next thing you know they'll be telling us Soylent Green is people!

I am Chumbawamba.

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 07:53 | 3295048 Short Memories
Short Memories's picture

How the fuck do you trick someone into eating fake tuna with sushi? There ain't that many red fish! Bonito is about all I can think of and if if the customers don't know the difference there then ... Marlin for fake Toro maybe...

It's not like somone snuck some odd meat or veg into sausages for christs sake


Sun, 03/03/2013 - 08:18 | 3295061 Badabing
Badabing's picture

My motherinlaw's butt keeps leaking and she loves tuna.

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 08:38 | 3295066 GetZeeGold
GetZeeGold's picture


Mislabeled fish or genetically modified vegan crap?


Hold on...I'm thinking about it.

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 09:55 | 3295157 zhandax
zhandax's picture

Marlin for fake Toro maybe...

I was eating sushi back when J.J. was slicing blue marlin at Fuji in Boca, and it is not red.  Exquisite, but off-white.  Haven't seen any on a menu since the late 80's.  Guess commercial sale was banned. 

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 11:07 | 3295257 gmrpeabody
gmrpeabody's picture

Sorry Charlie...

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 15:31 | 3295742 OutLookingIn
OutLookingIn's picture


Sun, 03/03/2013 - 08:57 | 3295090 U4 eee aaa
U4 eee aaa's picture

Maybe they use artificial coloring

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 18:41 | 3296075 Hive Raid
Hive Raid's picture

New York has the most Piscal fraud? I didn't mean to order the jewfish.


The Bernanke Bank Roll: Gefilte fish and rice wrapped in last week's New York Times. It'll blow out your assets.


Greenspan Salmon Sashimi: For every piece of real salmon, we add ten pieces of gefilte. No wonder they call me a prophet, I should have been a Jewish carpenter. "We've been doing this shit for ages! Hey, slice it a little thinner" he shouts to Juan, who is shamefully adorned in traditional Japanese garb.


Manhattan's finest will eat anything with a shit eating grin if it costs enough. Byproducts are written off as yesterday's residual Santorum. It couldn't happen to better people.


The ADL's new campaign to ban harpoons... too many little gefiltes are being killed in cold blood. Opposition is anti-Semitic. There's been surprising support in congress, and Malcolm O shed a dry tear on TV before he broke into the electric boogaloo.

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 01:11 | 3294839 sitenine
sitenine's picture

Imagine just how many people from catchers, sellers, buyers, butchers, etc. who all know firsthand that this is going on? And how many people know first hand where the horse meat is coming from and how it's getting into the food supply? How may mother fuckers knew? These are conspiracies, are they not!? We can't trust govt., we can't trust the money, and now you can't trust your food. Another example is defeat of GMO labeling in Cali. We aren't allowed to know what the fuck we are eating!? This is no way to live! FFS, this is shit!

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 01:33 | 3294863 TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

They're going to unveil the Chained Consumer Price Index soon, and none of this will matter to even the degree it does now (the BLS will weigh melamine fortified, moistened sawdust as an equivalent substitute for peanut butter for purposes of tabulating inflation).

Regular oily anal leakage will be a First World Problem by then.

Check out this link as to how/why you will eat whatever they will soon call "peas" and like it, bitchez.

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 10:58 | 3295228 zhandax
zhandax's picture

I knew there was some reason I lost interest in freshman honors Phych, and B.F. Skinner's work was one of the core topics (I did pick up a few useful tidbit from studying William James, who, apparently, was the prof's hero). 

As far as escolar, that 'super white tuna' you get in sushi bars is exactly that.  The concern here is probably for people who feed their kids canned tuna 4 days a week.  Those kids are already fucked 40 ways to Friday, and obozo care will just declare that 'oily anal leakage' is a normal human condition.  From what I have seen of 20-year olds lately, it could be a feature at frat parties.

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 09:26 | 3295118 duo
duo's picture

At the Albertson's near me they always have "Atlantic Salmon" which also says "Product of Chile".  Whenever I ask at the counter which part of Chile is on the Atlantic coast, I get a blank look.

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 12:05 | 3295362 Solon the Destroyer
Solon the Destroyer's picture

That would be the southern tip of Chile.

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 05:34 | 3294985 Crash N. Burn
Crash N. Burn's picture

 Beef or McMuck?

Remember when food was actually good for you? Shit!

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 10:41 | 3295233 espirit
espirit's picture

I hear Australian kangaroo meat is "big" in China, they just don't know it yet.

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 14:09 | 3295575 akak
akak's picture

Kangaroo: the other dog meat.

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 14:47 | 3295651 monoloco
monoloco's picture

The only difference between beef and horse meat is that horse meat is leaner and tastes better. Donkey meat is also very tasty.

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 05:38 | 3294987 PY-129-20
PY-129-20's picture

To be a Vegetarian does not improve your health. You know what is really important? Know your source! Where does your food come from? I try to buy as much as possible from local people I know. I also have a garden where I can plant everything. I used [Walahfrid] Strabos descriptions [Hortulus] to build my own garden. He was a German monk in the 9th century. I combine this with more modern plants, insights and techniques.

Take your time. It just needs to be a weekend. Is that much? A weekend per annum? To visit a local farmer and speak with them and to get a feeling about them. Yes, I know. You cannot watch them 24 hours and you never know 100 % - but get familiar with them, know how they do their stuff, where they get their seeds and so forth. Do you know the people that create your food? I know it is not possible for everyone. Most people tend to live in urban areas nowadays. I lived in a city too and it was messing up with my health. I was able to relocate to a more rural area. 

Our problem is that we are heavily disconnected to our food. Something that was the most important thing for ancestors. Of course, there is always a chance that things go wrong. Soil can be contaminated, seeds can be contaminated, even a hunted deer can be contaminated [think about the impact Chernobyl left - boars are still contaminated in areas in Germany and Austria and other European countries] - or would you plant a seed in Bhopal? Or soil contaminated with Agent Orange in Vietnam, Laos and other places. Not to mention China or Fukushima.

It is getting difficult on our small planet to get clean food. Isn't that shameful? Ignorance is bliss, I guess.

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 18:37 | 3296065 PrintemDano
PrintemDano's picture

I love animals, they're delicious.


Sun, 03/03/2013 - 11:51 | 3295335 jballz
jballz's picture

Yes because there were so many good choices.

Sat, 03/02/2013 - 20:11 | 3294373 McMolotov
McMolotov's picture

59% of the time, you get oily anal leakage every time.

ETA: And God only knows wtf is in the cat food I've been feeding Grandma.

Sat, 03/02/2013 - 20:38 | 3294457 akak
akak's picture

At least Orly's $0.99/lb chicken breasts are probably safe.


Sat, 03/02/2013 - 21:29 | 3294550 AssFire
AssFire's picture

Escolar is to Tuna as

Tungston is to Gold

Get the Gold Tuna


Sat, 03/02/2013 - 21:30 | 3294556 fourchan
fourchan's picture


Sat, 03/02/2013 - 21:32 | 3294558 Stackers
Stackers's picture

Well at least Austin/Houston sushi bars are consistent

Sat, 03/02/2013 - 22:10 | 3294609 Zer0head
Zer0head's picture

it is all horseshit notwithstanding the rest that is all bullshit


Sat, 03/02/2013 - 22:19 | 3294618 Crash Overide
Crash Overide's picture

First Horse(meat) Trading, Now 59% Of "Tuna" Sold In The U.S. Isn’t Tuna

Next thing ya know the stock and PM markets will be rigged!    *cough*

Sat, 03/02/2013 - 23:13 | 3294705 DeadFred
DeadFred's picture

Fortunately the SoylentGreen is still first rate.

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 00:02 | 3294773 NoDebt
NoDebt's picture

Makes Twinkies seem pretty good by comparison, doesn't it?

At least you don't have to worry much about cat food.  No real reason to mis-label it.  Gotta believe it's no worse than Dinty Moore Beef Stew (and costs a lot less).

Persistent oily anal leakage..... you gotta be kidding me.  That's gotta be thrown in there to elicit the exact reaction it's gotten.  It's gotta be hype.  Can we get a voluteer to field-test this for us?

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 11:54 | 3295338 Tijuana Donkey Show
Tijuana Donkey Show's picture

I have eaten it, and I shit my pants the next day. Fishmonger sold it to us, and I went back and gave that fucker hell. In his defense, he did say it was escolar. Worst part, DELICIOUS. The effect is the same as Olestra, which had a label that warned of "anal leakage",28804,1991915_1991909_1991785,00.html

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 12:05 | 3295360 Disenchanted
Disenchanted's picture


Why would you eat a fish that has such terrible downsides? Two reasons:

  1. Escolar is delicious. Most likely, the same fatty ester in Escolar that makes you sick also makes it taste so damned good.
  2. Taste the danger! If you enjoy a sense of dining adventure, then consider Escolar the log flume of the culinary world.


further on...



So I have a couple of quick tips to reduce the likelihood of getting sick from Escolar.  It is mostly gleaned from the Internet, but the most credible source I found was an excerpt of Nick Ruello's Report On The Oil Content, Composition, And The Consumption Of Escolar.


  1. Limit Quantity. Obviously, less is more when it comes to Escolar. Conventional wisdom suggests no more than a six (6) ounce portion. I suggest an even smaller amount the first time you try it.
  2. Tail portion. While oil distribution varies per fish, the cuts near the tail generally have lower ester count.
  3. Cooking Methods. Don't appear to make a difference. There are some sources that claim grilling will reduce the wax esters but there is at least one scientific report that found this to be untrue.  Wax esters are heat stable, so the only potential benefit of grilling is that they somehow leak out of the fish.  This can also be achieved by baking the fish on a rack causing the juices, which may or may not contain wax esters to drip into the pan below.
  4. Deep Skinning. With certain fish, this oil resides just under the skin of the fish. By removing the flesh close to the skin, you can reduce the amount of wax ester. While it is recommended to do remove the skin because of its high oil count, there isn't much evidence that deep skinning will help much.  
  5. Freezing.  also does not work.  Wax esters are not damaged by cold, even after extended stays in the freezer.
  6. Fishmonger Trust. Since there are other fish that also contain high level of wax ester, it is best to go to a reputable fishmonger.  Also, Escolar has some other toxins that can result in histimine poisoning if the fish isn't stored properly.  
  7. Pre-Existing Conditions. As always, pregnant women have no fun. Also, people with malabsorption or bowel problems should probably just stay away. Unless you find your bathroom comfortable and you dislike your pants. 



Escolar: The World's Most Dangerous Fish
Sun, 03/03/2013 - 12:09 | 3295368 Disenchanted
Disenchanted's picture

moral of the story...

Don't eat that fatty Esther.

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 08:28 | 3295065 TBT or not TBT
TBT or not TBT's picture

Horse meat is actually higher cost, in terms of energy inputs and time to slaughter, than beef is, by a long shot. Ergo there can't be much of it being raised for that purpose. What is happening here is OLD HORSES end up being slaughtered for their various parts, meat included, and this ELDERLY horse meat is getting in the human food supply. Note that it is pretty common, in Europe, for humans to be eating elderly cattle too, old dairy cattle slaughtered at the end of their usefulness as dairy producers. Quality beef is rarely produced in Europe actually.

Sat, 03/02/2013 - 22:58 | 3294679 wee-weed up
wee-weed up's picture

Confushi say...

eet sushi - sheet gushi.

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 00:24 | 3294790 Oh regional Indian
Oh regional Indian's picture

That was very good in a very bad way.

Well played...

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 18:43 | 3296079 PrintemDano
PrintemDano's picture

Why doesn't Uncle Ben just print some damn tuna!

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 02:23 | 3294901 Angus McHugepenis
Angus McHugepenis's picture

I've seen Orly's avatar. There are no breasts located there. Must be another JPM or GS rehypothocation scam.

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 15:49 | 3295768 Teamtc321
Teamtc321's picture

I wish I could find the "Coupin" for those $0.99/lb chicken breasts.........

Sat, 03/02/2013 - 21:52 | 3294589 Sudden Debt
Sudden Debt's picture

In Europe, there's now another thing comming up....
dogmeat and ratmeat....

the dogs come from animal chelters where dogs are put to sleep. and now it turns out they sold the meat....
the rats are turned into cowfeed and pig feed. and this causes the animals to become kanibals which is not in their nature and cause anomalies in their genes. where do you think mad cow disease comes from...

Sat, 03/02/2013 - 22:15 | 3294614 Never One Roach
Never One Roach's picture

"...oily anal leakage...."

WTF! you can't even make that shit up!

Sat, 03/02/2013 - 22:37 | 3294653 eatapeach
eatapeach's picture

I see what you did there

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 01:53 | 3294880 TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

More than you wanted to know:


Fire in the hole! What foods cause anal leakage? « Mind Candy

Escolar fish, for reasons unknown, can still be sold in many countries. The US nearly pulled the plug on it, but then relented, issuing instead a weak advisory against consuming more than six ounces. If you never heard the name Escolar, you may have heard of super white tuna, butterfish, or Hawaiian walu. It is all the same thing. What causes a problem with this fish is that it has its own digestive problems that it passes along to whomever consumes it. Escolar contains gempylotoxin which in most people causes gas, diarrhea, and abdominal cramps – and of course anal leakage.

Frito-Lay Study: Olestra Causes "Anal Oil Leakage"

Five Foods That Cause Anal Leakage

News Blog: Olestra makes a comeback--This time in paint


Sun, 03/03/2013 - 02:17 | 3294894 chubbyjjfong
chubbyjjfong's picture

Never imagined I'd be reading a discussion about anal leakage on ZH. Now i'll be sure to think twice before sniffing any more excercycle seats.  

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 02:45 | 3294921 sitenine
sitenine's picture

What do you mean? We're always reading about anal leakage on ZH - isn't that just another way of saying "money printing"?

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 05:31 | 3294984 Dr. Sandi
Dr. Sandi's picture

It may be time to pull the plug on anal leakage. But I don't want to be the one who pulls that plug.

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 09:03 | 3295099 U4 eee aaa
U4 eee aaa's picture


Sun, 03/03/2013 - 09:08 | 3295105 Son of Loki
Son of Loki's picture
Are there roaches in your coffee and chocolate?


At about 34:00, he started telling some fun entomology stories–one of which ended with a statement that most mass-produced, pre-ground coffee, as well as chocolate, has roach parts in it.

For most entomologists or folks working in agriculture, this is not much of a shock. I have covered before how the FDA allows a wide variety of insect parts in most food products.


The story is from May, 2009, but somehow I suspect things have not changed much. In fact, it's probably alot worse now.

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 12:13 | 3295376 Jena
Jena's picture

I read somewhere that for most foodstuff that are suspect, the manufacturers run a protein level on the end products.  Over a certain amount, they know there are too many insect parts.

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 16:05 | 3295801 Miffed Microbio...
Miffed Microbiologist's picture

In my first biology class in college we purchased several brand of ketchup,looked at it under a microscope and counted fly parts. Then we had to calculate the ppm. I'm happy to report the fly part counts in every brand were within the USDA guidelines. Is everybody happy now?


Sun, 03/03/2013 - 09:03 | 3295095 U4 eee aaa
U4 eee aaa's picture

I admit that anal oil leakage is bad. If there is one thing I can't afford to lose it is my anal oil

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 10:39 | 3295232 buckethead
buckethead's picture

I suppose it explains the recent losses in spite of continued currency [petrodollar] devaluations:

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 02:17 | 3294895 Angus McHugepenis
Angus McHugepenis's picture

If you read the labels on many pharma drugs you'll probably find "anal leakage" as a side effect. Fuck, I remember Howard Stern talking & mocking about it in the 90's (can't recall which drug(s) he was talking about by name).

If you really need to enjoy some anal leakage eat a bag of prunes and wash them down with a poverty pack of Bud or other piss water... followed by a tuna fish enema.

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 09:05 | 3295102 U4 eee aaa
U4 eee aaa's picture

In 10 years researchers will actually discover this was all good for you

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 04:12 | 3294964 zdk45
zdk45's picture

might have gotten a wee bit worse overseas...rat meat: no longer the hidden delicacies of the privileged cows and swine elite:

...."The news organization discovered that Ridley vendors were not only selling "smokies" (blow-torched goat and sheep meat that is illegal under UK and European food laws), but also rat meat. Grasscutter rats, also known as cane rats (cat-sized rodents found throughout sub-Saharan Africa), were sold to undercover reporters by several butchers."


Sun, 03/03/2013 - 07:24 | 3295036 Winston Churchill
Winston Churchill's picture

Neither is new.I unknowingly ate Alsation at an Indian restaurant in London once.

Place was busted the next day,with half the dog left in the refridgerator.

Knew an old timer that was a plant manager for a jam company.He said rats

often fell from the ceiling into the cooking vats.They carried on  regardless.


Sun, 03/03/2013 - 16:24 | 3295837 rich_wicks
rich_wicks's picture

Since when did Indians start eating dog?

Also, why would they go through the trouble to track down a German Shephard, when mutts are readily available?  For a pure bred, it's abour $700 unless it's just a couple of hicks breeding dogs to death.

Why would you call a German Shephard an Alsation in England anyhow?

The flavor would be pretty odd as well, at best it would taste like lamb, but a lot more gamey.

Do you mean a Frenchman from Alsace?  Were you fed that?

I am a bit dubious of your story.

Sat, 03/02/2013 - 20:53 | 3294483 Teamtc321
Teamtc321's picture

"a fish that can cause prolonged, uncontrollable, oily anal leakage."


Diane Feinstein's gun ban bill and face, come to mind when viewing the above quote from the article.

Sat, 03/02/2013 - 22:31 | 3294632 Oracle of Kypseli
Oracle of Kypseli's picture

Now we all know why a large whole tuna fish in the Tokyo fish market gets auctioned off for hundreds of thousands of dollars or more. Make that a million


Sat, 03/02/2013 - 23:41 | 3294746 CPL
CPL's picture

It is that rare.  A clean, non radioactive, nice sized fish.  And people pay a fortune for clean food now.

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 02:40 | 3294908 TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

That tuna is not "clean" by any objective measure.  It's loaded with mercury.

Just sayin'.

Mercury is prevalent in our oceans due to industry's treatment of them as a giant discharge containment pond, and tuna are high on the apex predator scale.

Wicked Tuna  | National Geographic

One of the largest of the tuna species, bluefin tuna often contain mercury levels nearly triple that of the more common yellowfin and skipjack....

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 08:34 | 3295071 TBT or not TBT
TBT or not TBT's picture

That's why you should always run your seafood through a reverse osmosis process before consuming any.

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 09:09 | 3295106 U4 eee aaa
U4 eee aaa's picture

....and now it probably is also tinged with a nice fukushima glow

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 04:18 | 3294965 Nikao7
Nikao7's picture

Does it come stamped with "100% authentic" compliments of a DNA check?

Sat, 03/02/2013 - 22:33 | 3294646 flapdoodle
flapdoodle's picture

Hmmm... "oily anal leakage" - I'll bet Barney Frank saves a fortune in KY Jelly eating Escolar.

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 12:29 | 3295407 Tijuana Donkey Show
Tijuana Donkey Show's picture

That's a really shitty comment ;)

Sat, 03/02/2013 - 20:56 | 3294493 azzhatter
azzhatter's picture

in other news proctor and gamble announces new product-anal tampons

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 08:35 | 3295072 TBT or not TBT
TBT or not TBT's picture


Sun, 03/03/2013 - 12:30 | 3295409 Tijuana Donkey Show
Tijuana Donkey Show's picture

They invented those to go with Olestra.

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 01:00 | 3294830 indygo55
indygo55's picture

Uncontrolable oily anal leakage.


There fixed it for ya.

Sat, 03/02/2013 - 19:28 | 3294282 CPL
Sat, 03/02/2013 - 22:19 | 3294616 Jack Burton
Jack Burton's picture

Ha! They met to work out a rescue plan and instead dropped protection in international waters! Typical of the rape and pillage economic system the entire world has adopted.

Just give it a few decades and many fish stocks will be history. I also read that plankton the basis for much of the sea life could be in trouble in the future due to acidification of the sea water. What keeps CO2 levels down is the oceans ability to suck up vast amounts, trouble is that begins to turn up as acid.

But then again both these stories could be part of a liberal hoax. The first tuna story comes from well know hoaxers Greenpeace, and the second is based on the vast world wide scientific hoax of CO2 emissions from fossil fuel burning. Perhaps the liberals are so involved in their hoax that they are beginning to gain traction.

If both stories are hoaxes, then we can rest easy. Keep fishing and keep burning fossil fuels. We need both, but liberals hate both. Good sea food on the table and gas in your SUV are hated by the liberals.

Sat, 03/02/2013 - 22:35 | 3294649 flapdoodle
flapdoodle's picture

I'll bet the happiest fish in the world are the ones just radioactive enough to get thrown back...

Sat, 03/02/2013 - 23:23 | 3294723 GMadScientist
GMadScientist's picture

You think they check the fish; that's cute!

Sat, 03/02/2013 - 23:28 | 3294730 GMadScientist
GMadScientist's picture

Sure....they're just making up all those deadzones from depleted dissolved oxygen.

You people are so dumb you deserve what's coming.

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 16:28 | 3295845 rich_wicks
rich_wicks's picture

People who rant about "liberals" and "conservatives" in this day and age are really saying "I'm too stunningly ignorant to comment on anything related to politics or government".


Sun, 03/03/2013 - 20:55 | 3296357 TheFourthStooge-ing
TheFourthStooge-ing's picture

Jack Burton said:

Keep fishing and keep burning fossil fuels. We need both, but liberals hate both.

Well played, sir. You are a master of deadpan sarcasm.


Sun, 03/03/2013 - 23:56 | 3296834 Flakmeister
Flakmeister's picture

Far too subtle for this crowd.....

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 08:40 | 3295075 TBT or not TBT
TBT or not TBT's picture

The Pelosi family should be dragged before Congress given their fishy tuna empire practices. Oh wait, Nancy is in Congress. She old be so helpful. For the children. We passed the anal leakage to find out what was in the sushi, just like she'd recommend, and now we like further sage advice.

Sat, 03/02/2013 - 19:35 | 3294299 EscapeKey
EscapeKey's picture

*gasp* inflation calculations?

does the above mean that when i order sea bass i get anything but sea bass?

that's sort of like voting for a political party!

Sat, 03/02/2013 - 20:23 | 3294426 Caviar Emptor
Caviar Emptor's picture

Not to worry! Elites will sell us their table scraps !
A real delicacy : "Buffet Brand Dinner Scraps" ...Better scraps a billionaire's money can't buy

Sat, 03/02/2013 - 20:30 | 3294441 A Lunatic
A Lunatic's picture

That's an interesting concept. Just yesterday I was noticing the waste generated by flossing my teeth and suggested to my dear wife that perhaps we should set a bowl by the sink to collect all those little bits of meat that usually end up on the mirror. We could once a month use them like bacon bits on our salads or baked potatoes, or save them up until there's enough to make breakfast sausage or even homemade snack sticks.............

Sat, 03/02/2013 - 20:41 | 3294461 Caviar Emptor
Caviar Emptor's picture

Yes! In the new feudalism we'll be delighted to eat tooth scrapple from a wealthy family. Heck, any protein source would make the plebes happy...maybe even Soylent Green

Sat, 03/02/2013 - 21:37 | 3294572 Anusocracy
Anusocracy's picture

During the famine under Mao, starving peasants would search through poop from well fed party official's horses to find undigested grains.

They also swapped dead family members with neighbors to avoid the problem of eating their dear departed gramps. Neighbors gramps was okay.

Sat, 03/02/2013 - 21:37 | 3294574 AssFire
AssFire's picture

@A Lunatic

Priceless post-fuck yeah!

I am guessing you have giant Austin Powers type chompers...

Sat, 03/02/2013 - 20:44 | 3294464 infinity8
infinity8's picture

that's so sick nobody knows if they should up or down you. congrats.

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 00:21 | 3294788 Acorn10012
Acorn10012's picture

Definite "up" chuck!

Sat, 03/02/2013 - 20:46 | 3294469 de3de8
de3de8's picture

Thanks, my first good laugh of the day!

Sat, 03/02/2013 - 20:59 | 3294499 CPL
CPL's picture

Like a booger farm under every library table on the planet.  Scrape it together and make gum.


Sun, 03/03/2013 - 00:27 | 3294793 H E D G E H O G
H E D G E H O G's picture

Hey 'Lunar Tick, please send me some of that shit you're smokin will yee?:) +1.5

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 16:24 | 3295836 mobtown
mobtown's picture

After flossing my teeth this morning, I had all of the ingredients to make two chef salads.

Sat, 03/02/2013 - 22:29 | 3294635 thisandthat
thisandthat's picture

That's assuming they're better served, which would be pretty much wishful thinking on their part:

Back in the 80s, a bunch of Parisian top restaurants were caught red handed and finned for selling culture salmon as wild salmon - if you've seen both, you know it's impossible to mistake one for the other, in fact, it's easier to mistake white tuna for wild salmon, than this and culture salmon (wild one is pale with dry meat; culture is reddish, artificially (over)colored, and with softish, fat meat).

Sat, 03/02/2013 - 20:01 | 3294362 rogeliokh
rogeliokh's picture

"84% of fish samples labeled “white tuna” were actually escolar, a fish that can cause prolonged, uncontrollable, oily anal leakage.”


WTF??? ANAL leakage :))), that must be ANALysts calling 15000 DOW in 1 month, too much white tuna intake??? :)))


Ohhhh boy, we might have to contribute for toilet paper for CNBC talking heads...


Sat, 03/02/2013 - 20:05 | 3294376 booboo
booboo's picture

You can tune a piano but you can't tune a fish.

Sat, 03/02/2013 - 20:12 | 3294394 msmith9962
msmith9962's picture

Escolar also known by the latin dripus rectus

Sat, 03/02/2013 - 21:39 | 3294577 Anusocracy
Anusocracy's picture

I suffer from chronic droopus erectus.

Sat, 03/02/2013 - 21:25 | 3294540 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

Bullish for Charmin!

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 10:54 | 3295245 rogeliokh
rogeliokh's picture

Bernank, Can you print Tuna???


Sun, 03/03/2013 - 17:26 | 3295940 Never One Roach
Never One Roach's picture

I feel sorry and guilty. I have been feeding my cat escolar anal-oil-inducing fish all these years instead of genuine tuna. I have noticed a decrease in her ability to concentrate recently since adding the "tuna"...maybe even a little kitten dementia (or KD, as we say). The can says, "Wild Caught"...and..."nutritionally balanced"....

I feel so bad.

How do I break the news to my Pussy (cat)?

Sat, 03/02/2013 - 19:23 | 3294250 americanspirit
americanspirit's picture

Uncontrolled anal leakage? Tuna sandwiches for everybody in congress! The good news is - less mercury.

Sat, 03/02/2013 - 19:28 | 3294273 GeezerGeek
GeezerGeek's picture

Congress (and the administration, too) already has a problem with uncontrolled anal leakage. It just comes out of their mouths.

Sat, 03/02/2013 - 19:49 | 3294327 Mae Kadoodie
Mae Kadoodie's picture

I just crapped my pants!

Sat, 03/02/2013 - 19:51 | 3294332 tbone654
tbone654's picture

me too...  but mines not oiley...

Sat, 03/02/2013 - 21:55 | 3294595 Sudden Debt
Sudden Debt's picture

well it does come in handy if your a car repaired... or any job that uses expensive oils...
I wonder where that Thai massage house buys their oils from... because they do eat a lot of fish... just saying..l happy endings my ass....

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 02:20 | 3294897 DaveyJones
DaveyJones's picture

Shit I was out for the night and missed a sweet sick chain

Sat, 03/02/2013 - 20:02 | 3294367 smlbizman
smlbizman's picture

you didnt crap your pants buy urself....

Sat, 03/02/2013 - 22:59 | 3294674 wee-weed up
wee-weed up's picture

Obama agrees!

Sat, 03/02/2013 - 20:42 | 3294462 akak
Sat, 03/02/2013 - 20:34 | 3294447 Everyman
Everyman's picture

Yes, and in New York City where they have Bloomberg the "Food Nazi" where you can't get over 16oz Sodas, or Trans fat, but Hell do they care about "oily anal leakage"????

If that stupid FUCK Bloomberg really had a fucking clue, he would go after the food mis labelers.  Only in Medical Services can you be allowed to not tell the price and charge for something you are not actually providing, like actual medical care or REAL FUCKING TUNA!

Hmmm, she smells just like escolar, down there!

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 08:44 | 3295076 TBT or not TBT
TBT or not TBT's picture

No drilling for oil joke in here yet?

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 08:48 | 3295081 nmewn
nmewn's picture

Page 2 ;-)

Sat, 03/02/2013 - 19:17 | 3294261 Flakmeister
Flakmeister's picture

Legal Seafood has "Faroe Island Salmon" on the menu for a cheaper price than generic swordfish. Can you say bullshit? But in all fairness, it is actually salmon...

The real lesson here is that the seas have been overfished and all the good stocks are essentially wiped out...

Sat, 03/02/2013 - 20:44 | 3294465 akak
akak's picture

Alaskan salmon is still sustainably harvested --- and unlike the mushy, artificially-colored crap coming out of British Columbia, it is strictly natural and all WILD salmon, too.

Sat, 03/02/2013 - 20:55 | 3294491 Flakmeister
Flakmeister's picture

Wait till Pebble Mine is fully ramped up, that'll take care of those pesky wild fish up there...

The wild Alaskan goes for about $16-18 per pound here, it is immediately identifiable by the leaness compared to the farm raised Atlantic stuff...

Sat, 03/02/2013 - 21:04 | 3294502 akak
akak's picture

I was fortunate to have pulled in about 100 lb. of wild salmon (sockeyes) last year --- ended up freezing half of them, and canning (jarring) the rest.  Just had Panang curried salmon with brown rice for dinner last night --- something that was probably NEVER on the menu of any restaurant in Thailand!

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 00:35 | 3294799 Miffed Microbio...
Miffed Microbiologist's picture

I hope you daily kiss the ground where you live! I absolutely love wild alaskan king salmon. Fresh not frozen. It has a short season in San Diego and I pay $23/ lb when it's available. I don't care if I have to eat entrails for a month to afford it, it's my one yearly treat. We have some dear friends in the pacific northwest who send us smoked sockeye which is fabulous but nothing compares to the fresh king IMHO. I love thai but salmon must be enjoyed simply baked with a little pesto or butter to savor the flavor. Only spoiled rotten assholes whole can haul in 100 lbs can waste it on Thai. Okay, I guess my jealous is showing. ;-)


Sun, 03/03/2013 - 01:54 | 3294879 akak
akak's picture


Only spoiled rotten assholes whole can haul in 100 lbs can waste it on Thai. Okay, I guess my jealous is showing. ;-)

LOL!  Yes, I guess I am spoiled.

Actually, salmon works surprisingly well in Thai dishes, the assertive flavor of it holding up very nicely against all the spices, garlic, etc.  But I do very much like it also simply baked or grilled (my all-time favorite).

But if you think I am an asshole for "wasting" my salmon in a Thai dish, Miffed, you should hear some other Alaskans, especially a fair number of those who grew up here, who are "bored" with salmon, if they don't actually hate it!  I had a good friend, who passed away a year ago, who grew up in a roadhouse here in Alaska which served salmon all the time, and she literally DESPISED salmon --- would not touch it with a ten-foot pole!  She would even turn her nose up at the smoked salmon spread that I make every now and then.  Myself, I could eat it almost every day, and believe me, I am grateful for and appreciative of every bite of it I can get.

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 12:23 | 3295398 Jena
Jena's picture

I grew up on the coast of Washington, so I guess I was spoiled with salmon, also.  But I wasn't ungrateful like my sister's in-laws were.  Those philistines would pour commercial barbecue sauce on it, wrap it in foil and toss the package on the barbeque.  Grilled salmon can be exquisite but their... creation was a sticky, nasty mess that fell apart in the process.

I'd be happy eating salmon every day, too. 

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 15:10 | 3295697 Miffed Microbio...
Miffed Microbiologist's picture

Well, I'm tasting stomach acid from that comment! Dear lord, I try always to be gracious to any host serving me but that would be tough. I'd have to hope they had a dog and slip the mess steathlily under the table. Then when the poor creature went Into violent paroxysms and died, I'd just look stupid and shocked at the outcome. I'd made a few culinary blunders myself. This is why I keep dogs, cats, chickens and horses. Something will eat it. However your sister in law sound like she enjoyed it that way...egads!


Sun, 03/03/2013 - 15:19 | 3295721 Miffed Microbio...
Miffed Microbiologist's picture

I have to trust you on the salmon Thai thing. I can't afford to experiment. Thai cooking is tricky. I can make it alright but it never is transcendant. I complained about this to a Thai once and he laughed at me. " Thai is difficult, combinations of spices to meld favors is tricky, more art than science. What you think I a chinaman who throw any shit in a wok and dump it on a plate for you to eat!"


Sun, 03/03/2013 - 16:47 | 3295882 mt paul
mt paul's picture

Kenai river reds...

no anal leakage here..

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 15:29 | 3295741 DosZap
DosZap's picture

If you do not get a BRAND name ALBACORE tuna, the rest is all shit.

Chicken of the Sea, Starkist etc, are now 35-40% watered down dogshit.

Costco's KIRKLAND BRAND is the best Albacore white I have found.

But like all else, there is no in flation, 2yrs ago I was getting 4 cans for $7.99, now it's $9.99.

Guess Fukuishima played hell w/that market.

Sat, 03/02/2013 - 19:19 | 3294264 TomGa
TomGa's picture

For years restaurants have been mislabeling the Slimehead calling it an "Orange Roughy."

Sat, 03/02/2013 - 20:11 | 3294391 A Lunatic
A Lunatic's picture

They've been calling pink slime hamburger too......

Sat, 03/02/2013 - 20:50 | 3294476 Kirk2NCC1701
Kirk2NCC1701's picture

Tip de Jour: grab a pack of fresh (looking) beef stew chunks, and have the butcher grind it for you. It'll be leaner, cleaner and cheaper than 'amburger (use French pronunciation for fun). So you won't have to ask: "Where's the beef?". Bon appetite.

Sat, 03/02/2013 - 21:17 | 3294526 A Lunatic
A Lunatic's picture

I would like to buy a hamburger.......

Sat, 03/02/2013 - 22:23 | 3294629 espirit
espirit's picture

Also, beware of Swai on restaurant menus unless you really do prefer vietnamese catfish.

Sat, 03/02/2013 - 19:35 | 3294266 francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

    Red  Snapper 'MISLABELED'!!!


Godammit I've been trying to tell my bros that this was the case since I was in my early 20's...



WTFF?... I've been trying to tell people for 2 decades now that CSB does NOT FUCKING EXIST in nature... [there's no such goddamned thing]...


But it makes 100% sense that the motherfucking dumb fuck fucking New Yorkers [especially the goddamn jew bankers], are lining up around the block to pay top dollar for this garbage [as well as $1000 an hour for a 25 cent skank to blow them after dinner]... I keep trying to tell you people... When it 'devolves' into JEW vs. JEW ~ all hilarity ensues...

Sat, 03/02/2013 - 19:39 | 3294310 EscapeKey
EscapeKey's picture

yes, yes, but think of how awesome it is for the inflation calculations when it comes to BLS substitutions. when substituting items IN, if they don't exist, surely the implied price is 0, and hence an infinite amount of "chilean sea bass" (or whatever) can be consumed.

Sat, 03/02/2013 - 19:50 | 3294329 francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

CPI 2013 = ['ex' food, energy, Au, Ag, bitcoins, chilean sea bass, red snapper, & grammas catfood]...


Suggest it to the teleprompter ~ you might get a cabinet position & a private jet]...

Sat, 03/02/2013 - 20:53 | 3294482 Kirk2NCC1701
Kirk2NCC1701's picture

Not a problem for me, as I'm partial to Pink Snapper. ;-)

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 08:49 | 3295082 TBT or not TBT
TBT or not TBT's picture

Careful not to slip into a well oiled brown snapper. On the other hand ordering he tuna for your date could maybe open them up easier to that kind of sex, looking on the bright side?

Sat, 03/02/2013 - 19:22 | 3294268 Hulk
Hulk's picture

Turns out it is 59% SeaHorse !!!

Sat, 03/02/2013 - 21:42 | 3294581 francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

Just last week I was advising everyone to go long on Surströmming, turns out I may have been right...

Sat, 03/02/2013 - 19:23 | 3294269 Being Free
Being Free's picture

Reminds me of a girl I once knew; it wasn't tuna.  (Maybe seabass)

Sat, 03/02/2013 - 20:16 | 3294408 mobtown
mobtown's picture

She's the one I gave a ride on my dingy. She came back with a large red snapper.

Sat, 03/02/2013 - 23:16 | 3294711 Teamtc321
Teamtc321's picture

I took one look at the red snapper, slapped it with my sea cucumber and zerod in on the star fish............


Buns eyeeeeeee!

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