In China Clean Air Sells At $0.80 Per Breath

Tyler Durden's picture

With now daily reports that the smog levels in Beijing are frequently literally "off the charts", it was only a matter of time before some aspiring Chinese entrepreneur decided to provide a much demanded product: clean air. As expected, Xinhua reports  that "philanthropist" Chen Guangbiao is now actively selling canned air to willing and eager Beijingites, tired of inhaling toxic, carcinogenic smog particles. The cost: $0.80 for a can of fresh air.

Xiamen University adds:

Chinese billionaire and controversial philanthropist Chen Guangbiao has unveiled his latest invention, canned fresh air, under his registered trademark “Good Person Chen Guangbiao.”

 

Each can retails for between 4 yuan and 5 yuan (around $0.80).

 

He has produced 100,000 cans, containing the fresh air collected from Wuhe county in Anhui province and Taiwan.

 

He also said he is willing to donate profits from selling organic food to the People’s Liberation Army to safeguard China’s sovereignty over the Diaoyu Islands.

So the next time someone asks what it takes to make one a controversial, billionaire "philanthropist" the answer is simple - selling empty cans to idiots for $0.80 a pop. And tangentially, we dread to learn just what passes for "organic food" in China...

The good news is that, at least for now, the cans of hot air will contain no horse meat.

The better news is that the US (and French, and other insolvent "egalitarian" states) administrations haven't figured out how to tax said purchase of nothing.

Yet.

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Kilgore Trout's picture

We used to scoff at buying drinking water.

ACP's picture

Chen Guangbiao's English name is P.T. Barnum.

HoofHearted's picture

Wait, did they finnaly dub "Spaceballs" into Chinese? This is a 30 year old gag...Pure-E-Air or something like that...

King_of_simpletons's picture

China will kill off its masses without going to war with another country. Carcinogens and pollutants will strip away the stamina of its population. That's its destiny.

DaveyJones's picture

I see you're using the sun - S. Martin

knukles's picture

Leverse lengenered flum Rankee Ros Hangres kreen hair.

Manthong's picture

Selling a lie.. what a concept.

I hope our government and the banks don’t ever get on to this.

Atlas_shrugging's picture

Funny...he doesn't look Druish

55 men's picture

This guy must have just got done watching the Lorax.

akak's picture

Make me laugh.  Typical US 'american' citizenism throating of mind response.

Chen Guangbiao is a parangong of Communist 'chinese' citizenism entrepeneurialisticalness.

Blobbing-up and marketizing of clean air to Communist 'chinese' citizens in massively polluted Communist 'chinese' cities whose air is contaminated with pollutants and carcinogens showing superiority of minding ideas into things above all non-'chinese' foreign devils.

Suggestion is when in Beijing, do not breath as the Beijingers do.

Crapping on roadsides, though, is Communist 'chinese' citizenism doody.

Waiter, another order of Kitten McNuggets please.

Skateboarder's picture

I wonder how the knockoffs of "Breath of Fresh Air" smell/taste/feel. You know someone's canning Beijing air and selling it as a cheap knockoff.

Overfed's picture

They'll smell like farts. But still an improvement over Beijing air.

Sylvia Plath's picture

Makes you wonder how much he paid for the can... 

indygo55's picture

56% air is really mislabeled non-air air.

espirit's picture

Next up, canned sunshine from Fukushima Daiichi.

Oh wait, that's free.

CheapBastard's picture

So when does this marketeer realize the "Weight Loss" angle of canned air? Breath as many cans as you want with Zero Risk of weight gain!!!

 

Should appeal to alot of Muppets.

Xaqaria's picture

Its also gluten free with no hydrogenated vegetable oils!

roadhazard's picture

I still do. I live Above the Crystal Geyser bottled water plant. They bottle my run off. Cheers

thatthingcanfly's picture

Didn't Mel Brooks cover this already in Spaceballs?

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SiabeNR_q0U

Stackers's picture

Nothing like pure Druidian air

UGrev's picture

He doesn't look Druish.

Drachma's picture

I wonder what the Chinese legal definition of "fresh" air is from a commercial claim perspective. My intuition tells me it meets government guidelines of less than 100 000 ppm Pb, 1000 ppm F, 50 000 ppm VOCs...you know...government "safety" regulations. Aluminum can? Where exactly does his air come from? Taiwan. LMFAO. I bet he's trying not to laugh in his promotional videos, thinking of all the peons trying to suck the "fresh" Taiwanese air out of his Chinese aluminum cans.

Thank you billionaire philanthropist.

mjcOH1's picture

"Didn't Mel Brooks cover this already in Spaceballs?"

No Chinese knockoff of Spacebawl.....Is master stroke Communist Chinese breakthrough, American citizenism!

Haager's picture

That is the smell of a copyright-claim.

CPL's picture

Since it's China, I'm going to say there is literally nothing in that can but what you believe is in the can until it's found to be cancerous in someway.  The media will call to ban placebos everywhere the next day, sugar markets crash on the news.

 

This is China...

 

Otherwise Mel Brooks nailed that shit though and I've got the mood on to watch Spaceballs.

myptofvu's picture

Save money, buy the 2 litre bottle.

A Nanny Moose's picture

not as long a Mayor Bloomberg is on the job.

formadesika3's picture

Beautiful. They can't run a genetic profile on air, oily anal discharge or not.

francis_sawyer's picture

 "The good news is that, at least for now, the cans of hot air will contain no horse meat."

~~~

They bottled the air at the racetrack stables... There's HORSE in there...

Arius's picture

if they really bottled air ... that is ...

but hey who am i to doubt it?

built it and they will come ...

knukles's picture

I wanna inspect the air vault, to see if its really there or if this is all just hot air
Bitchez

francis_sawyer's picture

OK ~ I was waiting... waiting... for someone to come up and take the glory... But I guess I'll have to say it...

~~~

Tounge punch my fartbox for your free can of air... [which is my entry for the foto caption above]...

A Nanny Moose's picture

It is just paper air.

If you can't hold it, you don't own it.

Haager's picture

There is a good chance that these cans do not only contain fresh air but they may smell a little like horse. They just need to add that on the list of ingrediences.

knukles's picture

Tuna
Flesh tuna flarts

djsmps's picture

Have they found any traces of horse DNA in it?

Smegley Wanxalot's picture

If this guy really wants to cut the cost and help the environment he should make the containers out of styrofoam or PVC.

 

Question: would a 17 ounce can of air be legal in Bloomturd's New York?

nmewn's picture

"The better news is that the US (and French, and other insolvent "egalitarian" states) administrations haven't figured out how to tax said purchase of nothing."

Oh, they got it figgered out...they just gotta tie it to starving children or the need for "government investment" or some other such claptrap.

Let me tell you how it will be
There's one for you, nineteen for me
'Cause I'm the taxman, yeah, I'm the taxman

Should five per cent appear too small
Be thankful I don't take it all
'Cause I'm the taxman, yeah I'm the taxman

If you drive a car, I'll tax the street,
If you try to sit, I'll tax your seat.
If you get too cold I'll tax the heat,
If you take a walk, I'll tax your feet.

Don't ask me what I want it for
If you don't want to pay some more
'Cause I'm the taxman, yeah, I'm the taxman

Now my advice for those who die
Declare the pennies on your eyes
'Cause I'm the taxman, yeah, I'm the taxman
And you're working for no one but me.

DaveyJones's picture

thank God marketing has so many hungry kids to work with  

nmewn's picture

No doubt...by all appearances they're either too fat (according to reports) or can barely keep their pants from falling down around their thighs exposing their underwear...its a "marketers" dream come true ;-)

Edward Fiatski's picture

What a shit hole.

Fuck them and their forced industrialisation under the clueless commie pricks - the thermonulcear war in that region can't start soon enough.

Arius's picture

Fiatski - better keep to things you know!

what is wrong trying to screw someone out of his hard earned cash ????

Edward Fiatski's picture

I'm not debating the ingenuity of the product, I'm stating that China is a shit hole regardless, courtesy of MAOBamao.

Enjoy collective prosperity, bitchez.