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In China Clean Air Sells At $0.80 Per Breath

Tyler Durden's picture


With now daily reports that the smog levels in Beijing are frequently literally "off the charts", it was only a matter of time before some aspiring Chinese entrepreneur decided to provide a much demanded product: clean air. As expected, Xinhua reports  that "philanthropist" Chen Guangbiao is now actively selling canned air to willing and eager Beijingites, tired of inhaling toxic, carcinogenic smog particles. The cost: $0.80 for a can of fresh air.

Xiamen University adds:

Chinese billionaire and controversial philanthropist Chen Guangbiao has unveiled his latest invention, canned fresh air, under his registered trademark “Good Person Chen Guangbiao.”


Each can retails for between 4 yuan and 5 yuan (around $0.80).


He has produced 100,000 cans, containing the fresh air collected from Wuhe county in Anhui province and Taiwan.


He also said he is willing to donate profits from selling organic food to the People’s Liberation Army to safeguard China’s sovereignty over the Diaoyu Islands.

So the next time someone asks what it takes to make one a controversial, billionaire "philanthropist" the answer is simple - selling empty cans to idiots for $0.80 a pop. And tangentially, we dread to learn just what passes for "organic food" in China...

The good news is that, at least for now, the cans of hot air will contain no horse meat.

The better news is that the US (and French, and other insolvent "egalitarian" states) administrations haven't figured out how to tax said purchase of nothing.



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Sun, 03/03/2013 - 09:22 | 3295115 Kilgore Trout
Kilgore Trout's picture

We used to scoff at buying drinking water.

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 09:28 | 3295125 ACP
ACP's picture

Chen Guangbiao's English name is P.T. Barnum.

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 09:32 | 3295131 HoofHearted
HoofHearted's picture

Wait, did they finnaly dub "Spaceballs" into Chinese? This is a 30 year old gag...Pure-E-Air or something like that...

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 09:51 | 3295150 King_of_simpletons
King_of_simpletons's picture

China will kill off its masses without going to war with another country. Carcinogens and pollutants will strip away the stamina of its population. That's its destiny.

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 10:01 | 3295166 negative rates
negative rates's picture

It looks sustainable enough to me, compared to all those buildings no one lives at.

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 10:15 | 3295185 DaveyJones
DaveyJones's picture

I see you're using the sun - S. Martin

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 10:24 | 3295202 knukles
knukles's picture

Leverse lengenered flum Rankee Ros Hangres kreen hair.

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 10:54 | 3295244 Manthong
Manthong's picture

Selling a lie.. what a concept.

I hope our government and the banks don’t ever get on to this.

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 11:01 | 3295253 Atlas_shrugging
Atlas_shrugging's picture

Funny...he doesn't look Druish

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 12:30 | 3295412 55 men
55 men's picture

This guy must have just got done watching the Lorax.

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 13:58 | 3295557 akak
akak's picture

Make me laugh.  Typical US 'american' citizenism throating of mind response.

Chen Guangbiao is a parangong of Communist 'chinese' citizenism entrepeneurialisticalness.

Blobbing-up and marketizing of clean air to Communist 'chinese' citizens in massively polluted Communist 'chinese' cities whose air is contaminated with pollutants and carcinogens showing superiority of minding ideas into things above all non-'chinese' foreign devils.

Suggestion is when in Beijing, do not breath as the Beijingers do.

Crapping on roadsides, though, is Communist 'chinese' citizenism doody.

Waiter, another order of Kitten McNuggets please.

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 14:57 | 3295669 Skateboarder
Skateboarder's picture

I wonder how the knockoffs of "Breath of Fresh Air" smell/taste/feel. You know someone's canning Beijing air and selling it as a cheap knockoff.

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 19:35 | 3296164 Overfed
Overfed's picture

They'll smell like farts. But still an improvement over Beijing air.

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 12:46 | 3295439 jmc8888
jmc8888's picture

Yeah canned in Druidia.

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 16:39 | 3295866 Sylvia Plath
Sylvia Plath's picture

Makes you wonder how much he paid for the can... 

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 17:12 | 3295926 SilverRhino
SilverRhino's picture


Sun, 03/03/2013 - 18:32 | 3296055 Teamtc321
Teamtc321's picture

He didn't build that.

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 12:15 | 3295381 indygo55
indygo55's picture

56% air is really mislabeled non-air air.

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 09:28 | 3295126 espirit
espirit's picture

Next up, canned sunshine from Fukushima Daiichi.

Oh wait, that's free.

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 10:10 | 3295179 Meatballs
Meatballs's picture

Some of us still do.

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 12:30 | 3295411 CheapBastard
CheapBastard's picture

So when does this marketeer realize the "Weight Loss" angle of canned air? Breath as many cans as you want with Zero Risk of weight gain!!!


Should appeal to alot of Muppets.

Mon, 03/04/2013 - 01:33 | 3296984 Xaqaria
Xaqaria's picture

Its also gluten free with no hydrogenated vegetable oils!

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 15:55 | 3295782 roadhazard
roadhazard's picture

I still do. I live Above the Crystal Geyser bottled water plant. They bottle my run off. Cheers

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 09:28 | 3295116 thatthingcanfly
thatthingcanfly's picture

Didn't Mel Brooks cover this already in Spaceballs?

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 09:30 | 3295127 Stackers
Stackers's picture

Nothing like pure Druidian air

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 10:00 | 3295164 UGrev
UGrev's picture

He doesn't look Druish.

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 14:19 | 3295588 Drachma
Drachma's picture

I wonder what the Chinese legal definition of "fresh" air is from a commercial claim perspective. My intuition tells me it meets government guidelines of less than 100 000 ppm Pb, 1000 ppm F, 50 000 ppm know...government "safety" regulations. Aluminum can? Where exactly does his air come from? Taiwan. LMFAO. I bet he's trying not to laugh in his promotional videos, thinking of all the peons trying to suck the "fresh" Taiwanese air out of his Chinese aluminum cans.

Thank you billionaire philanthropist.

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 21:00 | 3296074 mjcOH1
mjcOH1's picture

"Didn't Mel Brooks cover this already in Spaceballs?"

No Chinese knockoff of Spacebawl.....Is master stroke Communist Chinese breakthrough, American citizenism!

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 09:29 | 3295128 Haager
Haager's picture

That is the smell of a copyright-claim.

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 12:43 | 3295424 CPL
CPL's picture

Since it's China, I'm going to say there is literally nothing in that can but what you believe is in the can until it's found to be cancerous in someway.  The media will call to ban placebos everywhere the next day, sugar markets crash on the news.


This is China...


Otherwise Mel Brooks nailed that shit though and I've got the mood on to watch Spaceballs.

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 10:09 | 3295178 myptofvu
myptofvu's picture

Save money, buy the 2 litre bottle.

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 11:02 | 3295254 msmith9962
msmith9962's picture

Or a keg.

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 13:01 | 3295469 A Nanny Moose
A Nanny Moose's picture

not as long a Mayor Bloomberg is on the job.

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 13:53 | 3295550 formadesika3
formadesika3's picture

Beautiful. They can't run a genetic profile on air, oily anal discharge or not.

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 09:26 | 3295117 francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

 "The good news is that, at least for now, the cans of hot air will contain no horse meat."


They bottled the air at the racetrack stables... There's HORSE in there...

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 09:37 | 3295138 Arius
Arius's picture

if they really bottled air ... that is ...

but hey who am i to doubt it?

built it and they will come ...

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 10:33 | 3295207 knukles
knukles's picture

I wanna inspect the air vault, to see if its really there or if this is all just hot air

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 10:43 | 3295237 francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

OK ~ I was waiting... waiting... for someone to come up and take the glory... But I guess I'll have to say it...


Tounge punch my fartbox for your free can of air... [which is my entry for the foto caption above]...

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 12:45 | 3295435 CPL
CPL's picture

Sounds like a gas.

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 13:05 | 3295475 A Nanny Moose
A Nanny Moose's picture

It is just paper air.

If you can't hold it, you don't own it.

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 12:23 | 3295396 resurger
resurger's picture


Sun, 03/03/2013 - 09:27 | 3295119 Haager
Haager's picture

There is a good chance that these cans do not only contain fresh air but they may smell a little like horse. They just need to add that on the list of ingrediences.

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 10:26 | 3295210 knukles
knukles's picture

Flesh tuna flarts

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 09:28 | 3295121 djsmps
djsmps's picture

Have they found any traces of horse DNA in it?

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 09:36 | 3295133 Smegley Wanxalot
Smegley Wanxalot's picture

If this guy really wants to cut the cost and help the environment he should make the containers out of styrofoam or PVC.


Question: would a 17 ounce can of air be legal in Bloomturd's New York?

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 09:33 | 3295134 nmewn
nmewn's picture

"The better news is that the US (and French, and other insolvent "egalitarian" states) administrations haven't figured out how to tax said purchase of nothing."

Oh, they got it figgered out...they just gotta tie it to starving children or the need for "government investment" or some other such claptrap.

Let me tell you how it will be
There's one for you, nineteen for me
'Cause I'm the taxman, yeah, I'm the taxman

Should five per cent appear too small
Be thankful I don't take it all
'Cause I'm the taxman, yeah I'm the taxman

If you drive a car, I'll tax the street,
If you try to sit, I'll tax your seat.
If you get too cold I'll tax the heat,
If you take a walk, I'll tax your feet.

Don't ask me what I want it for
If you don't want to pay some more
'Cause I'm the taxman, yeah, I'm the taxman

Now my advice for those who die
Declare the pennies on your eyes
'Cause I'm the taxman, yeah, I'm the taxman
And you're working for no one but me.

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 10:17 | 3295191 DaveyJones
DaveyJones's picture

thank God marketing has so many hungry kids to work with  

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 10:31 | 3295221 nmewn
nmewn's picture

No all appearances they're either too fat (according to reports) or can barely keep their pants from falling down around their thighs exposing their underwear...its a "marketers" dream come true ;-)

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 09:37 | 3295137 Edward Fiatski
Edward Fiatski's picture

What a shit hole.

Fuck them and their forced industrialisation under the clueless commie pricks - the thermonulcear war in that region can't start soon enough.

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 09:38 | 3295140 Arius
Arius's picture

Fiatski - better keep to things you know!

what is wrong trying to screw someone out of his hard earned cash ????

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 09:42 | 3295144 Edward Fiatski
Edward Fiatski's picture

I'm not debating the ingenuity of the product, I'm stating that China is a shit hole regardless, courtesy of MAOBamao.

Enjoy collective prosperity, bitchez.

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 10:11 | 3295181 realtick
realtick's picture

i'm with you on this one - fuck them and their one child policy

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 13:19 | 3295502 Shizzmoney
Shizzmoney's picture

fuck them and their one child policy

You actually can have more than 1 kid in China.....but you have to pay the government $82,500 dollars to do so (so only the uber-rich have this privilage, since income inequality also exists in "Communist" China).

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 14:07 | 3295569 akak
akak's picture

About that one-child policy, I have a question that has been puzzling me for literally decades since it was supposedly put into place.

If the Chinese REALLY had an operating one-child policy, then their population should have IMMEDIATELY stopped growing, and very shortly thereafter starting falling precipitously, and yet that has demonstrably not happened.  Obviously, regardless of the one-child policy, on average more than one child has been born per couple over the past three decades or so.  So exactly WHAT has been happening in regards to that policy in China?

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 16:46 | 3295880 ffart
ffart's picture

The one child policy is really just a tax on kids. You can have more than one, you just have to pay a fee. Unless you're a government employee in which case you get fired.

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 18:54 | 3296094 mjcOH1
mjcOH1's picture

"If the Chinese REALLY had an operating one-child policy, then their population should have IMMEDIATELY stopped growing, and very shortly thereafter starting falling precipitously, and yet that has demonstrably not happened. .... So exactly WHAT has been happening in regards to that policy in China?"

Well.... "

The sex ratio (the number of males for each female in a population) at birth was 118.06% in 2010, higher than the 116.86% of 2000, but 0.53 points lower than the ratio of 118.59% in 2005.[3] In most western countries the sex ratio at birth is around 105 boys to 100 girls ..."

Purely coincidental though....

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 10:23 | 3295201 DaveyJones
DaveyJones's picture

I see you're  ready for WWIII

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 10:27 | 3295214 knukles
knukles's picture

Couldn't fuck up the environment much more...

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 11:53 | 3295337 Edward Fiatski
Edward Fiatski's picture

Precisely, and at least the filthy peasants will be vaporised.

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 09:50 | 3295149 whoknoz
whoknoz's picture

soon to be discoved it is not realy air air but rather horse farts...but that's the Chinese way...

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 09:56 | 3295158 nmewn
nmewn's picture

Chinese citizen equine shitizenism products are eternal!!!

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 18:56 | 3296100 mjcOH1
mjcOH1's picture

"soon to be discoved it is not realy air air but rather horse farts...but that's the Chinese way..."

I was thinking more like CFCs or smokestack scrubber residue.

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 13:10 | 3295483 A Nanny Moose
A Nanny Moose's picture

So it's exhalations from politicians?

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 09:54 | 3295155 ziggy59
ziggy59's picture

The U.S., has been selling Canned Farts for years

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 09:57 | 3295159 Peter Pan
Peter Pan's picture

I don't know about the USA selling canned farts but Germany seems to have done it already:

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 11:08 | 3295256 msmith9962
msmith9962's picture

Do they make a fart noise when you open the can.  Sill farts or bubly which make a wet fart sound.


Sun, 03/03/2013 - 16:49 | 3295885 willwork4food
willwork4food's picture

 The economy is in termoil, there's wars everywhere and you're joking about farts? What are you 9?

Or are you guys going through a mid -life crisis or something?

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 09:55 | 3295156 Peter Pan
Peter Pan's picture

This man is truly a breath of fresh air !!

My only question is "how do you consume the air in the can?"

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 09:59 | 3295162 nmewn
nmewn's picture

He's introducing his AirLock Straw™ next week.

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 10:05 | 3295170 Arius
Arius's picture

thats the next product ... how to breath fresh air out of a cane ... courses, books, TV commercials a whole industry is being born ,,,, there is room for the Donald Trump of china ...

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 10:22 | 3295200 DaveyJones
DaveyJones's picture


Sun, 03/03/2013 - 12:29 | 3295408 resurger
resurger's picture

btw: The idea of fresh air can's was originally introduced by Dr. Paul Krugman not the Chinese

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 10:08 | 3295174 realtick
realtick's picture


Sun, 03/03/2013 - 10:08 | 3295176 mofreedom
mofreedom's picture

US communists are really torn between taxing breathing and banning it outright.  They want the "revenue" so very much while they realize humans walking on earth make mother earth scream "ouch".  Breathing is transitory.

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 10:10 | 3295180 Winston Churchill
Winston Churchill's picture

Just like those cans of Scottish Mist,they used to sell to American tourists.

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 10:15 | 3295184 therover
therover's picture

They better watch out when inflation really starts to hit. The can will then be only 1/2 full. 

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 11:11 | 3295261 msmith9962
msmith9962's picture

Other half is full of chips.

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 19:01 | 3296109 mjcOH1
mjcOH1's picture

"They better watch out when inflation really starts to hit. The can will then be only 1/2 full."

When air gets too expensive there's always Hopeium.

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 10:15 | 3295187 GrinandBearit
GrinandBearit's picture

A higher quality gas mask is much more economical.

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 10:25 | 3295208 JustObserving
JustObserving's picture

Why don't we export used, empty cans of soda and beer to China?  They are filled with clean, fresh American air.  We can sell them for 20 cents instead of 80 cents.  That would help the trade deficit problem.

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 10:30 | 3295220 knukles
knukles's picture

We used to get charged $50 for a bowl of Alaskan glacial ice in Tokyo.
Horrific oily leakage :)

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 12:25 | 3295403 lakecity55
lakecity55's picture

No, fill them with pot smoke and export them as Rocky Mountain High.

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 14:20 | 3295592 roadhazard
roadhazard's picture

That name was probably patented like Panama Red by Big Tobacco in the 70's. Pot02 might still be availabe... oops, there it goes.

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 13:45 | 3295542 css1971
css1971's picture

Given a couple of years of the crap in the Chinese atmosphere burning their lungs out they'll need to drag those things around.

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 10:29 | 3295219 FJ
FJ's picture

Just took a sip from my oxygenated water, read this article and burst with laughter...

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 10:52 | 3295242 firstdivision
firstdivision's picture

China better not institue any clean air laws as they restrict the growth of capitalisim and wouldn't allow such thriving markets as canned air to exist.  Think of the workers that would be out of a job.

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 13:55 | 3295555 css1971
css1971's picture

I think that's the point of this publicity stunt.

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 10:58 | 3295246 icanhasbailout
icanhasbailout's picture

This is a solid, if somewhat inferior, alternative to crafting your own healthcare scheme.


All we need now is an ISS product placement shot and we've got the next Google.

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 11:00 | 3295249 Inthemix96
Inthemix96's picture

Well, not trying to out-do our chinese "Shitizensimsists" here, but us lucky fuckers have the good old, bought and paid for, at our expense, drum roll please:-

"Carbon Tax".

Thats right folks, we are already being taxed like fuck, but only for exhaling that carcinogenic CO2.

Think on that "Bitchez".

Fucking surfs up fools.

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 11:16 | 3295269 SubjectivObject
SubjectivObject's picture

Huhh, get that, conceited fat head greedy fucks look the same the world over.

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 11:39 | 3295310 Whoa Dammit
Whoa Dammit's picture

Have another hit of fresh air. Must be the 60's all over again- Quicksilver live at the Filmore...

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 11:52 | 3295336 topspinslicer
topspinslicer's picture

in these here USSA I am looking for investors for a start-up to bottle and sell Freedom by the troy ounce

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 12:42 | 3295431 GMadScientist
GMadScientist's picture

Sorry, all my capital is tied up in physical assets.

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 14:05 | 3295570 akak
akak's picture

Micrograms is the more appropriate unit for measuring freedom in the USA nowadays.

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 16:24 | 3295838 lakecity55
lakecity55's picture


Sun, 03/03/2013 - 12:08 | 3295365 ektor
ektor's picture

1 ) wont be surprised that, after analisys, we will discover that the air is in fact full of pesticids

2 ) we could use the same can and put on it a sticker : "paper gold"



Sun, 03/03/2013 - 12:21 | 3295393 lakecity55
lakecity55's picture

Somebody could get rich with Obama Repellant.

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 12:31 | 3295414 resurger
resurger's picture

Ill have a six pack please, hurry up!

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 12:47 | 3295438 adr
adr's picture

I said a few days ago that we are all living in a Mel Brooks movie. God I'm sorry, I meant it as a joke and now it's real.

I'm waiting for Obama to show up at the podium, pull out a gun, and put it to his head, "Don't take another step and put down the guns or the nigger gets it" "Better do it, he's crazy" "Shut up".

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 13:18 | 3295499 Libertarian777
Libertarian777's picture

Life imitating art.




Sun, 03/03/2013 - 13:54 | 3295551 q99x2
q99x2's picture

Let's see the west is provoking a war with China by requiring oil to be purchased through the Rockefellers and the Chinese are willing to suffocate themselves to make a buck. How's that likely to work out?

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 19:37 | 3296168 CPL
CPL's picture

I'm thinking yeast in a brewers vat have a better chance of making it out alive.

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 18:01 | 3295576 Bam_Man
Bam_Man's picture

I want my 80 cents back! Mine smells like horse breath!

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 14:55 | 3295665 Mine Is Bigger
Mine Is Bigger's picture

It's so smart burning fossil fuel to produce and transport 100,000 cans of air, contributing more to air pollution.

It's an old idea, too.  I saw cans of air from Mt. Fuji on sale in Japan more than 30 years ago.

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 19:38 | 3296172 CPL
CPL's picture

The Japanese sell everything in cans.  Office shirts, underwear (new and used), lobster bisque.  Vending machines are everywhere.

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 15:01 | 3295682 Bam_Man
Bam_Man's picture

And they say people are gullible...

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 16:18 | 3295747 headless blogger
headless blogger's picture

Aren't there people pushing the idea of the "China model" for the rest of us? Things can be a lot worse for Americans....


China Turns Prisoner Executions Into Reality TV


...And there's people all over the internet praising China as a superior model and look forward to the demise of the US!! It looks like they will replace one corrupted system with something worse....


Sun, 03/03/2013 - 17:07 | 3295919 Bam_Man
Bam_Man's picture

I've got news for you - Japanese "Reality TV" is just as bad - if not worse - and has been for at least 20 years.

We need to understand that these people are just not like us. 

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 17:25 | 3295944 Atomizer
Atomizer's picture

This guy should hook up with RONCO. Edward Bernay’s compulsive buying disorder revived under fear sales. Hahahahahaaa


Ron Popeil's ingenuity factory unleashed this hair-in-a-can corrective back in the 1990's. Build up your bald spot with a rich, foamy dust.

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 17:50 | 3295978 chump666
chump666's picture

What a sh*thole

Sun, 03/03/2013 - 22:21 | 3296585 Weyland_Yutani
Weyland_Yutani's picture

I sure hope Mel Brooks will get some residual checks from this venture.

Mon, 03/04/2013 - 04:07 | 3297120 akuacumen
akuacumen's picture

Spaceballs ... 

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