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Argentina's Jorge Mario Bergoglio Elected As Pope Francis

Tyler Durden's picture


A surprising pick for Pope, Argentina's 76 year old Jorge Mario Bergoglio, who was not among the front-runners, is now the Pope of the Catholic Church. His chosen name is Pope Francis. He is the first non-European pope since 741.

His biography via Wikipedia:

Jorge Mario Bergoglio, SJ (born December 17, 1936) is the current pope of the Roman Catholic Church, elected on March 13, 2013 and taking the regnal name of Francis. Prior to his election, he served as an Argentine cardinal of the Roman Catholic Church. He has served as the Archbishop of Buenos Aires since 1998. He was elevated to the cardinalate in 2001.

Early life

Jorge Bergoglio was born in Buenos Aires, one of the five children of an Italian railway worker and his wife. After studying at the seminary in Villa Devoto, he entered the Society of Jesus on March 11, 1958. Bergoglio obtained a licentiate in philosophy from the Colegio Máximo San José in San Miguel, and then taught literature and psychology at the Colegio de la Inmaculada in Santa Fe, and the Colegio del Salvador in Buenos Aires. He was ordained to the priesthood on December 13, 1969, by Archbishop Ramón José Castellano. He attended the Philosophical and Theological Faculty of San Miguel, a seminary in San Miguel. Bergoglio attained the position of novice master there and became professor of theology.

Impressed with his leadership skills, the Society of Jesus promoted Bergoglio and he served as provincial for Argentina from 1973 to 1979. He was transferred in 1980 to become the rector of the seminray in San Miguel where had had studied. He served in that capacity until 1986. He completed his doctoral dissertation in Germany and returned to his homeland to serve as confessor and spiritual director in Córdoba.

Bergoglio succeeded Cardinal Quarracino on February 28, 1998. He was concurrently named ordinary for Eastern Catholics in Argentina, who lacked their own prelate. Pope John Paul II summoned the newly named archbishop to the consistory of February 21, 2001 in Vatican City and elevated Bergoglio with the papal honors of a cardinal. He was named to the Cardinal-Priest of Saint Robert Bellarmino.


Jorge Cardinal Bergoglio greets President Cristina Fernández de Kirchner, December, 2007.

As cardinal, Bergoglio was appointed to several administrative positions in the Roman Curia. He served on the Congregation of Clergy, Congregation of Divine Worship and Sacraments, Congregation of Institutes of Consecrated Life and the Congregation of Societies of Apostolic Life. Bergoglio became a member of the Commission on Latin American and the Family Council.

As Cardinal, Bergoglio became known for personal humility, doctrinal conservatism and a commitment to social justice. A simple lifestyle has contributed to his reputation for humility. He lives in a small apartment, rather than in the palatial bishop's residence. He gave up his chauffeured limousine in favor of public transportation, and he reportedly cooks his own meals.

Upon the death of Pope John Paul II, Bergoglio, considered papabile himself, participated in the 2005 papal conclave as a cardinal elector, the conclave that selected Pope Benedict XVI. A widespread theory says that he was in a tight fight with Ratzinger until he himself adviced crying not to be voted. Earlier, he had participated in the funeral of Pope John Paul II and acted as a regent alongside the College of Cardinals, governing the Holy See and the Roman Catholic Church during the interregnum sede vacante period. Cardinal Bergoglio remains eligible to participate in conclaves that begin before his 80th birthday on December 17, 2016.

During the 2005 Synod of Bishops, he was elected a member of the Post-Synodal council. Catholic journalist John L. Allen, Jr. reported that Bergoglio was a frontrunner in the 2005 Conclave. An unauthorized diary of uncertain authenticity released in September 2005 confirmed that Bergogolio was the runner-up and main challenger of Cardinal Ratzinger at that conclave. The purported diary of the anonymous cardinal claimed Bergoglio received 40 votes in the third ballot, but fell back to 26 at the fourth and decisive ballot.

On November 8, 2005, Bergoglio was elected President of the Argentine Episcopal Conference for a three-year term (2005–2008) by a large majority of the Argentine bishops, which according to reports confirms his local leadership and the international prestige earned by his alleged performance in the conclave. He was reelected on November 11, 2008.


Liberation theology

Bergoglio is an accomplished theologian who distanced himself from liberation theology early in his career. He is thought to be close to Comunione e Liberazione, a conservative lay movement.
Abortion and euthanasia

Cardinal Bergoglio has invited his clergy and laity to oppose both abortion and euthanasia.


He has affirmed church teaching on homosexuality, though he teaches the importance of respecting individuals who are gay. He strongly opposed legislation introduced in 2010 by the Argentine Government to allow same-sex marriage. In a letter to the monasteries of Buenos Aires, he wrote: "Let's not be naive, we're not talking about a simple political battle; it is a destructive pretension against the plan of God. We are not talking about a mere bill, but rather a machination of the Father of Lies that seeks to confuse and deceive the children of God." He has also insisted that adoption by gays and lesbians is a form of discrimination against children. This position received a rebuke from Argentine president Cristina Fernández de Kirchner, who said the church's tone was reminiscent of "medieval times and the Inquisition".

Church and AIDS

His doctrinal orthodoxy emphasizes Christ's mandate to love: he is well remembered for his 2001 visit to a hospice, in which he washed and kissed the feet of twelve AIDS patients.

Social justice

He consistently preaches a message of compassion towards the poor, but somewho? observers would like him to place a greater emphasis on issues of social justice. Rather than articulating positions on matters of political economy, Bergoglio prefers to emphasize spirituality and holiness, believing that this will naturally lead to greater concern for the suffering of the poor. He has, however, voiced support for social programs, and publicly challenged free-market policies.

Relations with the Argentine government

On April 15, 2005, a human rights lawyer filed a criminal complaint against Bergoglio, accusing him of conspiring with the junta in 1976 to kidnap two Jesuit priests, whom he, as superior of the Society of Jesus of Argentina in 1976, had asked to leave their pastoral work following conflict within the Society over how to respond to the new military dictatorship, with some priests advocating a violent overthrow. Bergoglio's spokesman has flatly denied the allegations. No evidence was presented linking the cardinal to this crime.


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Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:21 | 3327001 SilverIsKing
SilverIsKing's picture

Bergoglio is Italian for Bernanke.  Just add the beard.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:21 | 3327014 Rahm
Rahm's picture

Which one of his family members is a director at GS?

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:23 | 3327024 flacon
flacon's picture

The new pope looks so kind. I love him. Swoon! Oh look my toast shows the Argentina flag with a fish hat! Ebay here I come!

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:23 | 3327035 SilverIsKing
SilverIsKing's picture

Seriously, wasn't this the same guy who was Pope like 3 Popes ago?

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:25 | 3327042 flacon
flacon's picture

Toast pope already found:


Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:26 | 3327054 McMolotov
McMolotov's picture

I see old Johnny Cash.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:28 | 3327076 Au Member
Au Member's picture

First jesuit pope, now we are properly fucked

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 16:02 | 3327286 negative rates
negative rates's picture

WARD, have you seen the beaver? No dear, last I heard he was practicing his lines for the school play.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 16:07 | 3327311 jaap
jaap's picture

why Fransis the first when everyone knows he will be the last???

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 16:28 | 3327405 Texas Ginslinger
Texas Ginslinger's picture

We've seen the name John Paul...

I was hoping for George Ringo...


Maybe he's a Sinatra fan..

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 16:31 | 3327412 fuu
fuu's picture

Francis_sawyer oddly silent today.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 23:58 | 3328631 francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

what's more odd is that you've never seen the two in the same room together... :-)

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 16:30 | 3327414 savagegoose
savagegoose's picture

there was a world outside europe in 720?

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 16:40 | 3327449 toys for tits
toys for tits's picture

According to Wikipedia, he's one of five children.

Is the new pope is just like the Francis on Malcolm in the Middle, who was sent away to military school?

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 16:48 | 3327481 fuu
fuu's picture

Most of it actually.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 17:16 | 3327603 JohnnyBriefcase
JohnnyBriefcase's picture

They didn't announce ths after close on a friday so you know it doesn't matter.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 17:27 | 3327633 Half_A_Billion_...
Half_A_Billion_Hollow_Points's picture

Would anyone close by be so kind as to whether go to the vatican and burn the whole thing down?  Just burn it down beyond repair?  I would be duly grateful for the kindness.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 18:16 | 3327761 toys for tits
toys for tits's picture

If you burned it down the IMF would just lend the billions needed to rebuild (bail it out).

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 19:31 | 3327926 giggler123
giggler123's picture

What happened to Peter of Africa and the end of the world?

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 20:57 | 3328172 Joe Davola
Joe Davola's picture

I was hoping for Pope Long Soup Line.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 23:06 | 3328517 JeffB
JeffB's picture

What is the point of "hoping" for what already is, at least metaphorically speaking.


Wed, 03/13/2013 - 22:03 | 3328322 DeadFred
DeadFred's picture

Sucks to have a perfectly good end-of-world scenario shot down like that. Pffft and it's gone!

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 22:41 | 3328431 Pseudo Anonym
Pseudo Anonym's picture

black peter wasnt enough w/ the jesuits, that's

What happened to Peter of Africa

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 22:11 | 3328345 PhilofOz
PhilofOz's picture

Maybe someone then can fill me in on this statement about this new pope in a Philippine newspaper.....  "For example, the Argentine has hit out sharply at the International Monetary Fund and at modern market capitalism."

Anyone against the IMF and what they call "capitalism" now is a friend of mine. 

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 19:44 | 3327970 jimmytorpedo
jimmytorpedo's picture

yeah, the world outside of europe was called Turkey

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 16:55 | 3327511 InTheLandOfTheBlind
InTheLandOfTheBlind's picture

first openly jesuit pope... but still we are screwed.  

"My history of the Jesuits is not eloquently written, but it is supported by unquestionable authorities, [and] is very particular and very horrible. Their [the Jesuit Order’s] restoration [in 1814 by Pope Pius VII] is indeed a step toward darkness, cruelty, despotism, [and] death. … I do not like the appearance of the Jesuits. If ever there was a body of men who merited eternal damnation on earth and in hell, it is this Society of [Ignatius de] Loyola."

 John Adams (1735-1826; 2nd President of the United States)

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 18:48 | 3327816 NotApplicable
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Lincoln was sure they were going to assasinate him.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 18:57 | 3327841 Shell Game
Shell Game's picture

Not that this Dictator had any other reason to be assasinated.  If true, hopefully the Jesuits are working hard on the current 'problem'...

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 22:38 | 3328415 Whoa Dammit
Whoa Dammit's picture

The Gunpowder Plot (Guy Fawkes) is also known as The Jesuit Plot. 

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 22:39 | 3328424 Bruin4
Bruin4's picture

I was Jusuit schooled. They hit us . A lot, I am sure they still do VIVA "le Paddle" rest in peace Father Robert Sproule you heartless , albeit brilliant, sadist prick.  signed your loyal Beadle.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:40 | 3327077 Manthong
Manthong's picture

Thank God he tweets.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 22:55 | 3328478 dubbleoj
dubbleoj's picture

he kidnaps too! what a well-rounded individual!

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:46 | 3327187 smlbizman
smlbizman's picture

im still looking in this pizza....i cant find this fucker....

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:52 | 3327219 I am on to you
I am on to you's picture

All i see,is Johnny Debt and The Shitcoins,and his bretherens, The Lemmings, a famos band from Sweeden,who forsteret Ali... Abba who, won the EUGrand prix with the famos Send me an Sos,or was it, Money Money Money ,we love the rich mens world?

Damn i am getting old,Thee Holyseer,finaly came to the continent of the Slaughtered,where they feed their exwifes(thatll be Bruno ex goalkeper from a famos Rio club) to the dogs,sorry for wandering,my spirit!

Charlie Waterfall!Master of the CPI,s.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 16:11 | 3327332 cougar_w
cougar_w's picture

Willy Nelson maybe

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 17:26 | 3327629 Muddy1
Muddy1's picture

That's Willie

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 16:26 | 3327395 Agstacker
Agstacker's picture

Are you claiming that he once shot a man in Reno just to watch him die?

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 22:00 | 3328312 tenpanhandle
tenpanhandle's picture

You are mistaking him for a pope named Sue.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 00:53 | 3328744 prains
prains's picture



it's all greek to me

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:28 | 3327063 ParkAveFlasher
ParkAveFlasher's picture

I see Cheech Marin in a knit Rastafari hat.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 22:01 | 3328316 tenpanhandle
tenpanhandle's picture

So thats where all that smoke was coming from.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 16:05 | 3327303 swmnguy
swmnguy's picture

No way.  That's Jerry Garcia.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:32 | 3327091 NoDebt
NoDebt's picture

He's a double agent.  For whom, you ask?  Well just rearrange the letters in his name:

Google RBI

Surprise, bitchez!  Google beats out Goldman on this one!  Now you know why their stock price has been shooting to the moon lately- they got the Pope in their hip pocket!

"This guru told me that when I die I would experience perfect enlightenment.  So I got that goin' for me."  (Badly Quoted Bill Murray from Caddyshack)

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:36 | 3327120 Zap Powerz
Zap Powerz's picture

So they pick a pope from S. America.  Shocking.  Shocking I tell ya.

The Mormons, another well known religious cult is also trying to improve its image with the South Americans:

Bascially, Christianity is fading (thank God!....get it?) and so the major christian religions are going where there is fertile ground for conversion: South America. 

It looks like First Worlders are rejecting the religious bullshit these cults are peddling and so they have to go where the masses are uneducated and desperate.

I say fuck the catholics, the mormons and all other groups that use religion to steal money from their followers and oppress them through guilt.  Oh, and the ass pounding of young boys.  Fuck them for that too.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 16:47 | 3327479 Jani
Jani's picture

So I was walking by St. Patricks Cathedral the other day, and I see little Johnny with his pants pulled down by his ankles squatting in the snow.

"What are you doing Johnny," I asked?

"Well," said Johnny in a trembling voice with a look of fear in his eyes "The sermon is almost over, and the Bishop likes to have a cold one after work."


Wed, 03/13/2013 - 16:56 | 3327516 JimBowie1958
JimBowie1958's picture

Zap, and Jani, do you still whore out your bitches to each other, or do you just stick to your own pets these days?

Fuck off, idiots.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 17:59 | 3327723 TheFourthStooge-ing
Wed, 03/13/2013 - 20:58 | 3328176 in4mayshun
in4mayshun's picture

Can't take a joke eh?

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 22:03 | 3328320 tenpanhandle
tenpanhandle's picture

What joke?

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 17:56 | 3327716 TNTARG
TNTARG's picture

It looks like First Worlders are rejecting the religious bullshit these cults are peddling and so they have to go where the masses are uneducated and desperate.

So we'll be the "masses" "uneducated and desperate".

We, southamericans, "uneducated", "desperate".

I think you need to achieve better information. The ones who have been and are being brainwashed it's you people of the "Developed" World.

As for religion, (or most accurate, for politics & religion), the Vatican isn't very popular here as well, pal.

I'll tell you a secret: we're not uneducated. We're not desperate.

I'd said the election of this Pope isn't targeting Latin America or at least, not particulary.

Finally, I keep surprising myself  there's still people attached to this kind of medieval... things.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 18:17 | 3327762 Cloud9.5
Cloud9.5's picture

At the end of the day when all hope is gone don't be surprised if you find your self turning to the old traditions.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 19:51 | 3327990 nofluer
nofluer's picture

At the end of the day when all hope is gone don't be surprised if you find your self turning to the old traditions.

That sounds like another way of saying "There were no athiests in the foxholes."

I see two ways of looking at the issue of "turning to the old traditions".

1. in times of stress we turn to familiar and known things - which gives a degree of comfort.

2. If one has given serious thought to the, "Does God exist" question, and if one is reasonably intelligent and well educated (especially in the sciences), one could conclude that (based on the mere existence of the universe and the infinite complexities involved), God DOES exist. So it would be reasonable to attempt contact to lodge a request for assistence in a stressful situation.


Thu, 03/14/2013 - 16:13 | 3330562 dogbreath
dogbreath's picture


Thu, 03/14/2013 - 00:49 | 3328739 Seer
Seer's picture

Yeah, nothing like warming up one's heart at a good old witch burning...

Best definition of "hope" came from Derrick Jensen and one of his audiences (they worked it up together):

"Hope is the longing for a future condition over which you have no agency."

"Hope" is the mind's way of distracting one from this very point.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 22:38 | 3328417 PhilofOz
PhilofOz's picture

"I say fuck the catholics, the mormons and all other groups that use religion to steal money from their followers and oppress them through guilt.  Oh, and the ass pounding of young boys.  Fuck them for that too."

Their is no force or obligation in the Catholic Church to hand them anything a**hole! You'd obviously rather have the religion of money (ie the banksters and their politician puppets) giving you no choice at all and truly stealing your money, endlessly. 

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:41 | 3327148 McMolotov
McMolotov's picture

If you google "RBI," the first hit is the Reserve Bank of India.

This means something...

/Richard Dreyfuss in Close Encounters

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 16:18 | 3327362 Orly
Orly's picture

That's funny.  I get baseball statistics...

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 16:44 | 3327464 knukles
knukles's picture

Oh man...
'Sumptin' wrong with this search engine

I get rubber banana insertion

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 21:36 | 3328249 WmMcK
WmMcK's picture

Repetitive Brain Injury.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 16:16 | 3327356 max2205
max2205's picture

Sharpden will be so pissed he is white

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 16:47 | 3327476 knukles
knukles's picture

I gotta relative lives outside Detroit.  Hear tell some folk remaining in Detroit are now blaming the demise of the city on the whites 'cause they left for the 'burbs, etc., etc., etc...

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:23 | 3327034 McMolotov
McMolotov's picture

I was hoping he'd choose the name Pope Super Mario.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:31 | 3327065 ACP
ACP's picture

Needs a printing press first...

Edit: Come to think of it, he probably has access to Christina Fernandez' press...

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 18:52 | 3327826 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

You don't think they don't have their own?

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:27 | 3327066 flacon
flacon's picture

Pope Sugar Daddy.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 16:50 | 3327492 Jugdish
Jugdish's picture

I was hoping they'd select Larry Sinclair from Chicago.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 17:01 | 3327539 InTheLandOfTheBlind
InTheLandOfTheBlind's picture

that would make for some rather interseting visits from obama.  I would expect that obama would be required to bring the blow.  Sinclair would provide all the small boys.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:29 | 3327081 HelluvaEngineer
HelluvaEngineer's picture

The Obama administration is drawing up plans to give all U.S. spy agencies full access to a massive database that contains financial data on American citizens and others who bank in the country
Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:42 | 3327157 McMolotov
McMolotov's picture

Why worry if you have nothing to hide, terrorist???

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 17:43 | 3327687 cynicalskeptic
cynicalskeptic's picture

Hell, they CAUGHT HSBC laundering millions in drug money and did NOTHING.  Nobody prosecuted, a meaningless fine.... while the kid selling a vial of crack goes to prison.


Methinks this is more about finding out who has how much left to steal - forcible 'investment' in T-Bills 'for your protection'.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 18:54 | 3327833 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Well, at least three sarcasm detectors failed on that one.

Or are you starting a fan club?

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:43 | 3327169 Chupacabra-322
Chupacabra-322's picture

Worth my re posting.


I have to hand to the Bankster/Rothchilds owned, controled and operated Lucerferian NWO/INTER-ALPHA/PLANNED WORLD DESTRUCTIONIntelligence/"Agent Smith" media Agencies.

They've completely PsyOp'd/Mind Fucked the American People's Psyche and perception of reality via Flase Flags coupled with media False Narratives.

1. Define an act of terrorism as warfare. (This was done by Bush after 9/11, and people let him get away with it. Even though terrorist acts have always been covered by U.S. laws. The Oklahoma City bombing was not treated as “warfare” but as a crime to investigate and prosecute as usual.)
2. Declare that those who carry out a terrorist act can be imprisoned without a trial, because it would be “dangerous” and a threat to national security to give them a trial. (Witness: Jose Padilla, the prisoners at Guantanamo, imprisoned for years without a trial, which is illegal.)
3. Declare that those who carry out a terrorist act can be killed without a trial, just like on the battlefield.
4. Widen the definition of terrorism to anyone who “gives support” to terrorists. As we have seen from no-fly lists, this includes anti-war people who have organized against the invasions of Iraq and Afghanistan. It also includes “right-wing extremists” who oppose the globalist agenda.
Done. Now you can do whatever you want.
When the dollar collapse comes, ordinary Americans who demonstrate against the globalist state can be disarmed, registered, harassed, have their employers called and questioned to scare them, have their leaders imprisoned without a trial, under the pretext that they are giving support to “the terrorists”. The way the globalists act, there will always be “terrorists” who strike back by force. This is useful for the globalists.


Reporter Ron Suskind nailed it to the wall when he got Carl Rove to blurt this out.

  “We’re an empire now and when we act, we create our own reality and while you’re studying that reality, judiciously, as you will, we’ll act again, creating another new realities, which you can study too. And that’s how things will sort out. We’re history’s actors, and you, all of you, will be left to just study what we do.”

-Carl Rove


Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:58 | 3327267 Bunga Bunga
Bunga Bunga's picture

But it will create jobs! The more "suspicious" transactions, the more jobs. Think about it, unemployed!

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 16:02 | 3327284 NoTTD
NoTTD's picture

And, what?  They're a gonna watcha da Popa?


Stick to the topic. 

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:53 | 3327084 serog
serog's picture

Habemus Papum, Bitchez!

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:32 | 3327097 rotagen
rotagen's picture

Snore.  Why don't they just elect a penis and eliminate the middleman.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:41 | 3327152 falak pema
falak pema's picture

Habemus foreskin?

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 16:19 | 3327352 Orly
Orly's picture




Wed, 03/13/2013 - 22:10 | 3328341 tenpanhandle
tenpanhandle's picture

I thought that's what they already did.  After all, the papal outfit has a reservoir tip.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:33 | 3327106 Buckaroo Banzai
Buckaroo Banzai's picture

Well given his experience in Argentina, he knows what a complete economic and social collapse looks like up close. Hopefully that experience will serve him well in his new office.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 16:46 | 3327471 machineh
machineh's picture

When is the Catholic church going to default? (serious question)

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 16:51 | 3327498 knukles
knukles's picture


probably like my uber-liberal statist Krugman loving redistributionist social justice golf bud who thinks they just ain't done enough yet, is why it's still fucked.

Note to Pope: Stick with the spiritual shit. 

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 17:23 | 3327619 Bubuzinho
Bubuzinho's picture

Any US based Cardinal would now have similar experience.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 18:57 | 3327839 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

And he liked it!


Wed, 03/13/2013 - 22:57 | 3328485 Pseudo Anonym
Pseudo Anonym's picture

vatican always has and always will thrive on economic collapse and human suffering to keep their gig going

complete economic and social collapse looks like up close. Hopefully that experience will serve him well in his new office

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 14:32 | 3330198 mickeyman
mickeyman's picture

He may know a thing or two about "disappearing" terrorists

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:48 | 3327200 Silver Bug
Silver Bug's picture

Don't be surprised if you find out he used to work for goldman sachs.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:56 | 3327256 Longtermnotreally
Longtermnotreally's picture

"He has the charisma of a damp rag"

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 16:58 | 3327526 JimBowie1958
JimBowie1958's picture

Actually, he is known for his personal charisma. Charisma <> photogenic, bitch.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 17:38 | 3327678 Longtermnotreally
Longtermnotreally's picture

You probably didn't listen to his speech did you, and don't understand any Italian either, so shut up

Tue, 03/26/2013 - 15:02 | 3378242 JimBowie1958
JimBowie1958's picture

Yeah, because Italians cant have charisma, lol.

You stupid ass.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 16:12 | 3327336 Bansters-in-my-...
Bansters-in-my- feces's picture

So Francis is Italian for Farce.???

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 16:19 | 3327370 Gold Dog
Gold Dog's picture

My real name is Francis, but you can call me Psycho!

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 20:31 | 3328107 palmereldritch
palmereldritch's picture

Lighten up Francis

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 16:27 | 3327400 Alpo for Granny
Alpo for Granny's picture

With all that smoke coming out of there I thought for sure it would have been pope Snoop Dogg.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 17:09 | 3327567 tradermonkey
tradermonkey's picture
Surely if they wanted an Argentinian as the Hand of God they should have picked Maradona.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 21:46 | 3328273 Freddie
Freddie's picture

He seems much nicer than Pope Charlie V.

First non-european Pope since 741 AD. Were the Rothschilds (aka Satan's spawn) robbing and sucking people's blood back then?

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 18:35 | 3331021 Tompooz
Tompooz's picture

I wouldn't call him non-European. He probably spoke Italian at home.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:20 | 3327002 U4 eee aaa
U4 eee aaa's picture

Not quite as old as God

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 16:03 | 3327294 Umh
Umh's picture

It's the church's version of term limits:)

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:20 | 3327003 Divided States ...
Divided States of America's picture

you omitted his 2 month tenure at GS when he was 18

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:22 | 3327019 HD
HD's picture

*all ZHers together*  Doing God's work!

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:21 | 3327004 HD
HD's picture

The biggest growth for the Catholic church is currently in Latin America and Africa so makes sense to me....

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:36 | 3327119 Levadiakos
Levadiakos's picture

They win bothways! He's Italian AND Argentinian. Ten cents says his dad was a hideout from the Allied roundup after the conquest of Italy and carried bags for the Axis runaways up the Plate River.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 16:19 | 3327359 Kirk2NCC1701
Kirk2NCC1701's picture

And TPTB will like the opportunity to use his Jesuit Catholicism (Mormonism, etc) to keep "those damn Muslims" at bay in Africa, and from reaching Latin America.  Remember that Jesuits were the Church's "shock-troop evangelists", going where others dared not... not safe for women or those afraid of physical pain.  That leaves out the Protestants and Mormons: "Pussies", compared to masochistic Jesuits who are happy to accept martyrdom.  Compared to the Amex, Visa or MC that the Mormons are willing to accept toward church sainthood.  /sarc

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 19:01 | 3327853 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

They're like the fuckin' Special Forces of God's Army.

So, I wonder, can a Jesuit psychologist be anything but an inquisitor?

As for St. Malacky's prophecy, I'll bet "Peter the Roman" is hanging between Bergoglio's legs.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:21 | 3327006 ParkAveFlasher
ParkAveFlasher's picture

I called it BITCHEZ

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:21 | 3327008 arnoldsimage
arnoldsimage's picture

no petrus romanus. prophecy of the popes can be tossed out the window. say hello to steve quayle and tom horn.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:30 | 3327085 the not so migh...
the not so mighty maximiza's picture

bummer man, i guess anouther 2000 years of this crap now.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:35 | 3327116 toys for tits
toys for tits's picture

The cardinals probably steered as far from that prophecy as they could.  Of course, they didn't realize Francisco was switched at birth.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:50 | 3327212 Iocosus
Iocosus's picture

Lots of 13s today. 7:06, 76, 03/13/2013. No coincidences.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 16:10 | 3327330 Orly
Orly's picture

There are no co-inky-dinks.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:51 | 3327215 johnQpublic
johnQpublic's picture

i thought they might elect a Peter the roman just to fuck with us

suddenly woulda been the most paid attention to man on the planet

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 16:13 | 3327325 Orly
Orly's picture

Well, the founder of the Christian Church was Yeshua's brother, Peter.

The founder of the Franciscan Order was St. Francis of Assisi.

So, kinda close?  Ish?

Of course, the literal translation would be the "Rock of Rome," and the first thing he did was tell everyone to go and pray to build a new, stronger Rome.

Jus' sayin'.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 16:31 | 3327409 Kirk2NCC1701
Kirk2NCC1701's picture

Orly, get away from that CNN Kool Aid fountain!  And do your own research.  As a Jesuit (the Church's intellectuals and shock-troop missionaries who thrive on pain & martyrdom), he is named after St. Francis Xavier, not Francis of Assisi

Xavier was born rich, gave it all up to be a missionary, lived with the poor in tropical places and converted them to Christianity.  Xavier was tough.

Assisi was born poor, stayed and died poor; spoke with birds & animals and started a monastic order, not a missionary order (Jesuits).  Assisi was a sissy.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 16:43 | 3327461 Iocosus
Iocosus's picture

His conversion came when he was a POW. He was no sissy.

If doing unto others as you would have them do to you is being a sissy, then I am a sissy also.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 19:04 | 3327862 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

He was comparing him to the psychopathic Jesuits, so sissy is a fitting term (not necessarily derogatory).

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 20:50 | 3328151 palmereldritch
palmereldritch's picture

From the Wiki entry on Francis Xavier

Together with Loyola and five others,[5] he founded the Society of Jesus: on 15 August 1534, in a small chapel in Montmartre, they made vows of poverty, chastity and obedience, and also vowed to convert the Muslims in the Middle East

Well that can't be good...


Thu, 03/14/2013 - 07:37 | 3329053 Ghordius
Ghordius's picture

Francis of Assisi was born of very rich parents. He also volunteered in a war, don't know if this counts as sissy

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:32 | 3327099 Jethro
Jethro's picture

Not entirely.  He's an ethnic Italian...."Roman". 

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:43 | 3327167 arnoldsimage
arnoldsimage's picture

show me somes facts. he was born in buenos aires. 

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:44 | 3327171 McMolotov
McMolotov's picture

Do-Do-Do-Do-Do-Do-Do-Do... (this is supposed to be the Twilight Zone music)

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:45 | 3327185 arnoldsimage
arnoldsimage's picture

" italian railway worker." got it.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 23:56 | 3328628 Things that go bump
Things that go bump's picture

If he were a Dominican he would be a black friar.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 16:23 | 3327383 FubarNation
FubarNation's picture

The entertainment value of Steve Quayle is quite noteworthy. 

If you haven't listened to this guy and have a few minutes it will blow your mind and make you shit yourself with laughter.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:22 | 3327012 centerline
centerline's picture

Familiar with failing monetary systems and resulting social crisis.  Hmmm...

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:27 | 3327059 dick cheneys ghost
dick cheneys ghost's picture

Does he support bitcoin?

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:54 | 3327242 smlbizman
smlbizman's picture

you dont need bitcoin when you own all the gold and land and....

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 16:34 | 3327427 Kirk2NCC1701
Kirk2NCC1701's picture

Read this morning that the Argie's are switching their money into Bitcoin, rather than USD's.  Interesting.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:22 | 3327015 intj87
intj87's picture

Argentina inflation, price controls etc etc.. 
Church elects pope from Argentina...
It's all smoke and mirrors  

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 16:13 | 3327343 edifice
edifice's picture

White smoke and two-way mirrors.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 19:05 | 3327864 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

We didn't start the fire?

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:38 | 3327018 AG BCN
AG BCN's picture

The Gogster.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:25 | 3327020 Belrev
Belrev's picture

is it just me, or do all these high priests look jewish.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:29 | 3327078 McMolotov
McMolotov's picture

He reminds me of a young Henry Kissinger, which means Henry Kissinger has looked 76 since he was in his 30s.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:32 | 3327093 A Nanny Moose
A Nanny Moose's picture

Christianity = Jews for Jebus.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 16:03 | 3327292 eatapeach
eatapeach's picture

*Berg...* is usually a Jewish surname.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 17:08 | 3327545 Kirk2NCC1701
Kirk2NCC1701's picture

In German:  Berg = Hill, Stein = Stone,  Burg = Castle,  Mann = Man, Kaplan = Chaplain (Karl Kaplan = Charlie Chaplain)

In the Middle Ages the German feudal lords and their tax collectors got tired of the Hebrew family names and decreed that they had to take on German names.  This was also done at the advice of the Church -- in the futile hopes that they'd assimilate more readily.  They ended up taking on all sorts of contrived but German-sounding names:  Glueckstein (LuckStone), Gruenberg (GreenHill), Rabenstein, (RavenStone), Schwartz (Black), Weiss (White), Weismann (Wiseman), Weizman (WheatMan), Kurz (Short), Lang (Long), Edelman (Nobleman), etc...  As was often the case for most non-Anglo names, these names often got Americanized when they emigrated to the US. 

Interesting linguistics also that "Levi" means "Left" (as in Left-wing), and "Dan" means "Day" in many Slavic languages.  Probably a coincidence, but interesting nonetheless.

Most did not convert to Christianity (although a few did and are still viewed as 'crypto-Jews'), but it made for a more peaceful life, without the in-your-face foreign-sounding names.  This was in an era when people did not like someone from the next town ("You're from around these parts, are ya?"), much less from the next country.  Discrimination made you tough, or you curled up your toes.  It also made people bond closer together, if of a common denominator.  Human nature, birds of a feather...

Expressions of human nature in different cultures fascinates me.  Kirk out.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 22:15 | 3328354 Freddie
Freddie's picture

Blankfein (Satan's helper)

Krugman (Douche bag)

Corzine (crooked goy)

Madoff (made off with the geld)

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 16:53 | 3327505 FubarNation
FubarNation's picture

The two religions share many of the same customs and traditions. 


Jews just don't pretend to drink the blood of Jesus and eat his body.  Not kosher I guess.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 17:57 | 3327719 Kirk2NCC1701
Kirk2NCC1701's picture

Well, speaking as a man, that imagery is rather... tough to swallow.  Excuse the pun.

I am intrigued and amused (dark humor) that Christians had such visceral issues with the Jews, given that:  (a) Jesus and all the Apostles were Jews, and (b) he was preaching the Old Testament faith. 

They (JC & Friends) simply saw themselves as "more complete Jews", (a) in the sense of perhaps being traditional Jewish fundamentalists in the "essence" (spirit) of the faith, but (b) with an update to its observances and practices.  To use a modern analogy, it's like they saw themselves as Jews 2.0. 

And Saul --> Paul certainly had an 'epiphany' on his road to Damascus, you might say.  His destiny or genius was that he took Judaism 2.0 from staying a local brand (a regional phenomenon with a cult following) to a franchise level brand.  The "secret recipe" was, in making it "inclusive" (to the Goyim), rather than "exclusive" (to The Chosen).   Now everyone could follow and donate to God YHWH -- in the name of his newly-promoted boss, JC. 

Lesson:  Your boss get promoted, you and everyone under him gets promoted.  Franchise your brand, get so famous (if not rich), that you "live on" for untold generations.  Love it!

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 18:46 | 3327812 eatapeach
eatapeach's picture

It seems that the Abrahamic ones, all of them, sure cause a lot of trouble.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 04:25 | 3328923 mkhs
mkhs's picture

No.  Just the monkeys that follow it.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:23 | 3327023 TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

Queen "Constipatious" Elizabeth is threatening to send the British SAS to the Falklands.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:23 | 3327028 Bam_Man
Bam_Man's picture

It's good that they picked a young Cardinal - only 76 years old - to be Pope this time.

Looks like they will be going through this rigggamarole all over again within 5 years or so.


Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:30 | 3327082 U4 eee aaa
U4 eee aaa's picture

It does wonders for the Italian tourist industry. How else are they going to get their economy back on its feet? Get your papa doll here!

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:23 | 3327029 Shizzmoney
Shizzmoney's picture

He's 76? I think they are just picking the oldest person they can, just so they can redo this every 4-6 years and get attention/ratings.

BTW, as a side note: The Vatican is the landlord of the biggest gay bath house in all of Europe.

Nothing to see here......

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:26 | 3327050 SilverIsKing
SilverIsKing's picture

I'm actually going to visit the Vatican in the next few weeks.  Can you please find me an heterosexual bath house?

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:27 | 3327064 Money Squid
Money Squid's picture

those are located outside the vatican

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 16:39 | 3327448 a growing concern
a growing concern's picture



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