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Argentina's Jorge Mario Bergoglio Elected As Pope Francis

Tyler Durden's picture




 

A surprising pick for Pope, Argentina's 76 year old Jorge Mario Bergoglio, who was not among the front-runners, is now the Pope of the Catholic Church. His chosen name is Pope Francis. He is the first non-European pope since 741.

His biography via Wikipedia:

Jorge Mario Bergoglio, SJ (born December 17, 1936) is the current pope of the Roman Catholic Church, elected on March 13, 2013 and taking the regnal name of Francis. Prior to his election, he served as an Argentine cardinal of the Roman Catholic Church. He has served as the Archbishop of Buenos Aires since 1998. He was elevated to the cardinalate in 2001.

Early life

Jorge Bergoglio was born in Buenos Aires, one of the five children of an Italian railway worker and his wife. After studying at the seminary in Villa Devoto, he entered the Society of Jesus on March 11, 1958. Bergoglio obtained a licentiate in philosophy from the Colegio Máximo San José in San Miguel, and then taught literature and psychology at the Colegio de la Inmaculada in Santa Fe, and the Colegio del Salvador in Buenos Aires. He was ordained to the priesthood on December 13, 1969, by Archbishop Ramón José Castellano. He attended the Philosophical and Theological Faculty of San Miguel, a seminary in San Miguel. Bergoglio attained the position of novice master there and became professor of theology.

Impressed with his leadership skills, the Society of Jesus promoted Bergoglio and he served as provincial for Argentina from 1973 to 1979. He was transferred in 1980 to become the rector of the seminray in San Miguel where had had studied. He served in that capacity until 1986. He completed his doctoral dissertation in Germany and returned to his homeland to serve as confessor and spiritual director in Córdoba.

Bergoglio succeeded Cardinal Quarracino on February 28, 1998. He was concurrently named ordinary for Eastern Catholics in Argentina, who lacked their own prelate. Pope John Paul II summoned the newly named archbishop to the consistory of February 21, 2001 in Vatican City and elevated Bergoglio with the papal honors of a cardinal. He was named to the Cardinal-Priest of Saint Robert Bellarmino.

Cardinal

Jorge Cardinal Bergoglio greets President Cristina Fernández de Kirchner, December, 2007.

As cardinal, Bergoglio was appointed to several administrative positions in the Roman Curia. He served on the Congregation of Clergy, Congregation of Divine Worship and Sacraments, Congregation of Institutes of Consecrated Life and the Congregation of Societies of Apostolic Life. Bergoglio became a member of the Commission on Latin American and the Family Council.

As Cardinal, Bergoglio became known for personal humility, doctrinal conservatism and a commitment to social justice. A simple lifestyle has contributed to his reputation for humility. He lives in a small apartment, rather than in the palatial bishop's residence. He gave up his chauffeured limousine in favor of public transportation, and he reportedly cooks his own meals.

Upon the death of Pope John Paul II, Bergoglio, considered papabile himself, participated in the 2005 papal conclave as a cardinal elector, the conclave that selected Pope Benedict XVI. A widespread theory says that he was in a tight fight with Ratzinger until he himself adviced crying not to be voted. Earlier, he had participated in the funeral of Pope John Paul II and acted as a regent alongside the College of Cardinals, governing the Holy See and the Roman Catholic Church during the interregnum sede vacante period. Cardinal Bergoglio remains eligible to participate in conclaves that begin before his 80th birthday on December 17, 2016.

During the 2005 Synod of Bishops, he was elected a member of the Post-Synodal council. Catholic journalist John L. Allen, Jr. reported that Bergoglio was a frontrunner in the 2005 Conclave. An unauthorized diary of uncertain authenticity released in September 2005 confirmed that Bergogolio was the runner-up and main challenger of Cardinal Ratzinger at that conclave. The purported diary of the anonymous cardinal claimed Bergoglio received 40 votes in the third ballot, but fell back to 26 at the fourth and decisive ballot.

On November 8, 2005, Bergoglio was elected President of the Argentine Episcopal Conference for a three-year term (2005–2008) by a large majority of the Argentine bishops, which according to reports confirms his local leadership and the international prestige earned by his alleged performance in the conclave. He was reelected on November 11, 2008.

Views

Liberation theology

Bergoglio is an accomplished theologian who distanced himself from liberation theology early in his career. He is thought to be close to Comunione e Liberazione, a conservative lay movement.
Abortion and euthanasia

Cardinal Bergoglio has invited his clergy and laity to oppose both abortion and euthanasia.

Homosexuality

He has affirmed church teaching on homosexuality, though he teaches the importance of respecting individuals who are gay. He strongly opposed legislation introduced in 2010 by the Argentine Government to allow same-sex marriage. In a letter to the monasteries of Buenos Aires, he wrote: "Let's not be naive, we're not talking about a simple political battle; it is a destructive pretension against the plan of God. We are not talking about a mere bill, but rather a machination of the Father of Lies that seeks to confuse and deceive the children of God." He has also insisted that adoption by gays and lesbians is a form of discrimination against children. This position received a rebuke from Argentine president Cristina Fernández de Kirchner, who said the church's tone was reminiscent of "medieval times and the Inquisition".

Church and AIDS

His doctrinal orthodoxy emphasizes Christ's mandate to love: he is well remembered for his 2001 visit to a hospice, in which he washed and kissed the feet of twelve AIDS patients.

Social justice

He consistently preaches a message of compassion towards the poor, but somewho? observers would like him to place a greater emphasis on issues of social justice. Rather than articulating positions on matters of political economy, Bergoglio prefers to emphasize spirituality and holiness, believing that this will naturally lead to greater concern for the suffering of the poor. He has, however, voiced support for social programs, and publicly challenged free-market policies.

Relations with the Argentine government

On April 15, 2005, a human rights lawyer filed a criminal complaint against Bergoglio, accusing him of conspiring with the junta in 1976 to kidnap two Jesuit priests, whom he, as superior of the Society of Jesus of Argentina in 1976, had asked to leave their pastoral work following conflict within the Society over how to respond to the new military dictatorship, with some priests advocating a violent overthrow. Bergoglio's spokesman has flatly denied the allegations. No evidence was presented linking the cardinal to this crime.

 

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Wed, 03/13/2013 - 20:41 | 3328141 Kirk2NCC1701
Kirk2NCC1701's picture

Sterling, I hope that you and Lana stop teasing us, and 'deliver' in tomorrow's episode.  God, I hope you score!

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:24 | 3327030 JustObserving
JustObserving's picture

What does he think of the Falklands?  Should they be handed to Argentina?  Or it is God's wish thet remain under the queen?

Finally, an infallible Argentinian.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:26 | 3327057 Money Squid
Money Squid's picture

Obviously god answers to the queen, so the islands stay with england.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 17:01 | 3327537 knukles
knukles's picture

The Annanuki Shape Shifting Freebasing Alcoholic Lizardry from the Sky.
Do not fuck with Her Royal Squamate Reptilian.

 

(Goerge Orwell left this chapter out on purpose.)
(Believe me)

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:23 | 3327032 duo
duo's picture

A ringer for movie composer Ennio Morricone

http://www.cinemablend.com/images/news_img/22450/ennio_morricone_22450.jpg

 

 

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:23 | 3327033 mick_richfield
mick_richfield's picture

He's a Jesuit?  How can he be a Jesuit?

I thought they couldn't hold office.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:31 | 3327089 pappacass
pappacass's picture

I'll confess to not knowing a hell of a lot about the Jesuits but there's a lot of dodgy 'conspiracy' theories out there.  Black Popes and all.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:34 | 3327107 mick_richfield
mick_richfield's picture

Well, we have a Black Pope after all.

No Jesuit has ever been elected before.

This is truly weird.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:54 | 3327238 ParkAveFlasher
ParkAveFlasher's picture

A Jesuit that takes the name of the originator of the Franciscan orders.  Very intriguing.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 16:04 | 3327296 Orly
Orly's picture

Exactly what I was thinking...

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 16:09 | 3327328 BLOTTO
BLOTTO's picture

Wikipedia even updated the 'Prophecy of the Popes' section already as well...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prophecy_of_the_Popes

.

I like Tits thinking...maybe 'they' couldnt make it out right 'obvious.'

.

The taking of the name Francis (1st)...South American (1st)....Jesuit (1st)...born of Italian parents = interesting indeed.

.

Let the real digging of info/research begin...

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 17:04 | 3327551 knukles
knukles's picture

The Southern Baptist Anti-Conspiracy Law Center gonna put you guys on their shit list for stuff like that....

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 20:47 | 3328155 Kirk2NCC1701
Kirk2NCC1701's picture

No need for intrigue if you are informed:  He's named after Francis Xavier -- the gutsy missionary -- not the 'nice' Francis of Assisi who spoke to birds and founded a monastic order.  Got it?  Stop listening to the MSM idiots who know jack, and have some non-Catholic assistant doing the background research.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:24 | 3327037 U4 eee aaa
U4 eee aaa's picture

Does this mean there will be latin music at the post pope party?

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 16:44 | 3327462 ParkAveFlasher
ParkAveFlasher's picture

I hope there are empanadas.  Papal empanadas, that is.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:24 | 3327039 Rustysilver
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After John Paul II, they will be electing 70 and 80 year old popes for a long time. A natural term limit.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:50 | 3327208 Flakmeister
Flakmeister's picture

Yes, a young pope can eventually control the College of Cardinals through appointments....

JP II did exactly that and it resulted in a far more conservative church....

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:24 | 3327040 Glass Seagull
Glass Seagull's picture

 

 

$50 says Kirchner tries to collateralize his holiness for future issuances.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:25 | 3327043 Money Squid
Money Squid's picture

Suggestions for pope names -

 

Pope Poop

Pope Pass the Collection Plate

Pope Pompus

Pope Allotta Vagina

Pope Fiat

Pope Colt 45

Pope Viagra

Pope Meta World Peace

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:33 | 3327075 CaptainSpaulding
CaptainSpaulding's picture

Pope Olive Oil. My moms favorite back in the day, along with Caruso

pic_olive_oil_bottle.gif

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:59 | 3327268 Money Squid
Money Squid's picture

 

 

Pope Tyler Durden

Pope Prius

Pope James Brown

Pope Rope-a-Dope

Pope Kung Faux

Pope Diggler

Pope X

Pope Barrack

Pope Pedofile

Pope Nero

Pope James T. Kirk

Pope Caligula

Pope Lord Xenu

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 16:07 | 3327317 negative rates
negative rates's picture

Hey man...like thats some really deep stuff man. Have you got any more of that man. Cause I really got off on that man and i could some more.............NOT! 

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 16:08 | 3327321 Colonial Intent
Colonial Intent's picture

Pope Muhammed gets my vote.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 17:03 | 3327529 CaptainSpaulding
CaptainSpaulding's picture

Pope Prius. Is that the hybrid Popemobile?

PopeMobile.jpg

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 16:52 | 3327501 no1wonder
no1wonder's picture

Papa Messi

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:26 | 3327048 The Invisible Foot
The Invisible Foot's picture

Insider betting anyone...

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:26 | 3327049 akak
akak's picture

That gaucho hat is going to clash with those papal vestments.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:27 | 3327061 LFMayor
LFMayor's picture

Any of you calls me Francis, I'll excommunicate ya.

Any of you homos touches me, or my stuff, I'll excommunicate ya.

Lighten up, Francis.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:32 | 3327096 U4 eee aaa
U4 eee aaa's picture

Can we call him Frank?

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:38 | 3327129 GolfHatesMe
GolfHatesMe's picture

Pope Frank the Tank

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:43 | 3327160 toys for tits
toys for tits's picture

"Let's go streaking through the quad."

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 18:49 | 3327308 eatapeach
eatapeach's picture

Pope Imp Pope Ussy

Pope Eeple

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:27 | 3327067 the not so migh...
the not so mighty maximiza's picture

young and vibrant at 76

 

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:34 | 3327110 FubarNation
FubarNation's picture

uhmm you should also include easily persuaded.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:35 | 3327115 HD
HD's picture

Would have been great if they picked some kid in his 20s named Cody, who calls everyone "Bro". 

Pope Cody: "Feed the hungry, heal the sick and party down...gangnam style!" Pope Cody then busts a move.

 

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 16:04 | 3327283 edifice
edifice's picture

You mean, calls everyone "Bra," right?

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:46 | 3327176 Fíréan
Fíréan's picture

young and vibrant at 76

 

 

Like Burt Reynolds ?   opps sorry he's 77.  uh  .  like Jack Nicholson ?

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:28 | 3327068 Kinskian
Kinskian's picture

Pat Buchanan predicted the next pope would come from Latin America or Africa in Suicide of a Superpower. Only parts of the world where the church is growing.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:32 | 3327098 toys for tits
toys for tits's picture

That's a prediction?

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 16:21 | 3327375 Kinskian
Kinskian's picture

Yes, written two years ago or more. He also predicted that this past election was the Republicans' last chance at the White House given the replacement of European Americans by non-white immigrants.  Whether this impresses you as predictive or not, the fact that he published these simple truths cost him his job at MSNBC. 

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 17:12 | 3327586 knukles
knukles's picture

Pat Buchanan working at MSNBC is an oxymoron.
Condensed version: Working at MSNBC is an oxymoron.
Another condensed version:  Pat Buchanan working is an oxymoron.

They don't work.  They make random shit up 24/7/365.
I should know

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:35 | 3327114 tbone654
tbone654's picture

growing in Russia too...  So much so, it's becoming much more religous than USSA...

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:39 | 3327132 Kinskian
Kinskian's picture

Is Roman Catholicism growing in Russia? I thought they went for the Eastern variety?

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:48 | 3327166 tbone654
tbone654's picture

church in general...  christianity...  religon...

 

Russia lost its' civil war with the Reds and millions suffered torture and death for almost 75 years under the tyranny of the United Soviet Socialist Republic. Russians survived with a new and stronger faith in God and ever growing Christian Church.  - lerma

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:54 | 3327236 tbone654
tbone654's picture

President Vladimir Putin could never have imagined anyone so ignorant or so willing to destroy their people like Obama much less seeing millions vote for someone like Obama. They read history in America don't they? Alas, the schools in the U.S. were conquered by the Communists long ago and history was revised thus paving the way for their Communist presidents. Obama has bailed out those businesses that voted for him and increased the debt to over 16 trillion with an ever increasing unemployment rate especially among blacks and other minorities. All the while promoting his agenda.

"We must seek support in the moral values that have ensured the progress of our civilization. Honesty and hard work, responsibility and faith in our strength are bound to bring us success."- Vladimir Putin

The red, white and blue still flies happily but only in Russia. Russia still has St George defeating the Dragon with the symbol of the cross on its' flag. The ACLU and other atheist groups in America would never allow the US flag with such religious symbols. Lawsuits a plenty against religious freedom and expression in the land of the free. Christianity in the U.S. is under attack as it was during the early period of the Soviet Union when religious symbols were against the law.  

Let's give American voters the benefit of the doubt and say it was all voter fraud and not ignorance or stupidity in electing a man who does not even know what to do and refuses help from Russia when there was an oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. Instead we'll say it's true that the Communists usage of electronic voting was just a plan to manipulate the vote. Soros and his ownership of the company that counts the US votes in Spain helped put their puppet in power in the White House. According to the Huffington Post, residents in all 50 states have filed petitions to secede from the Unites States. We'll say that these Americans are hostages to the Communists in power. How long will their government reign tyranny upon them? - lerma (pravda)

While we and the rest of the world are going the OTHER way...

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 16:04 | 3327298 Colonial Intent
Colonial Intent's picture

Is that you glenn beck?

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 16:07 | 3327315 tbone654
tbone654's picture

I used to be Roman Catholic...  Now I just play one, for my family...

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 22:25 | 3328376 Freddie
Freddie's picture

US elections are totally rigged.  Obama stole 2012 qnd probably 2008 and teh Republicans said nothing.

China one day may be the largest Christian nation.  Look at South Korea which has many faithful Christians.  People can mock faith but doing good deeds and helping people are good things except when the govt is doing it.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 16:07 | 3327319 Kinskian
Kinskian's picture

It's been a while since I read the book, but Buchanan spends some time on the changing demographics of Russia. He claims that Muslims are expected to make up 20% of the country's population by 2020. He quotes Al Jazeera as projecting that half of the people living in Russia come 2040 will be muslims.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 16:27 | 3327385 tbone654
tbone654's picture

I'm just a pedestrian on the subject at best...  Hope that's not the case though (muslim influx) as I was hoping my semi-distant russian herritage would entitle my family to a somewhat safer haven, if this country (USA) becomes the new communist stronghold of the world it's seemingly headed toward.

Seems like we're headed into a holy war, or several holy wars, at some point in the future...  Christianity seems resigned to the inevitable...

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 17:29 | 3327636 knukles
knukles's picture

We've never left that Holy War. 
There is a fundamental reason the the Twin Towers fell on that specific day in September.  In 1683 the Muslim horde was virtually poised to conclude its takeover of Europe, of Christendom.  On September 11, at a battle referred to as the Siege of the Gates of Vienna, Islamic power was for a time, defeated and returned eastward to it's central, home lands.  And indeed, the entire reason for the lack of possibly defeating the Invaders earlier was that Rome was having its hands full likewise dealing with a minor social disturbance referred to as the Reformation, in part brought about by a new information age driven the Gutenberg press...

We are simply in a new phase of a very old wars of religion and information, of the inequities of the selfish and the tyrannys of evil men, all over again, as if nothing had ever happened.
But for folks forgetting history.

9/11 happened on a date certain, as a reminder....

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 22:42 | 3328434 Freddie
Freddie's picture

They got smashed at the Gates of Vienna by King Jan Sobieski and the Polish Hussars on that day.   

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 00:49 | 3328737 knukles
knukles's picture

Freddie, spot on and a Gold Star.
Very few people know that, let alone any of the important rich history of the period.
Was also a time when mercury was more expensive than gold or silver.... 
Why there were many institutions with the God, Mercury as a symbol
And during which time futures and options on gold and silver were traded....
When Kings and Countries went bankrupt for lack of specie...

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 08:48 | 3329163 lakecity55
lakecity55's picture

I am meeting with a certain crime writer tomorrow who claims he is the King of Poland.

When he explained it to me years ago, it made good sense, but I was drinking back then and I think we were stoned.

Thirty years ago, he asked, "what's the big secret about Banksters controlling the world? I thought everybody knew that."

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 00:57 | 3328752 Seer
Seer's picture

It's POWER that's pushing us headlong into war.  War is ALWAYS about resources.  Religion is only a prop in supporting it, kind of like the patriotic BS used to suck dumb Americans into dying in the ME wars (for control of oil).

Gott mit uns?

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 16:11 | 3327333 Buckaroo Banzai
Buckaroo Banzai's picture

The Third Secret of Fatima specifically cites that the "Russia will spread her errors throughout the world". Certainly looks like the "errors" have taken root even here in these United States. Remember that the Secrets of Fatima were revealed in 1917, BEFORE Communism as a functioning political system got its start anywhere in the world.

Sister Lucia had already given an indication for interpreting the third part of the “secret” in a letter to the Holy Father, dated 12 May 1982: 

“The third part of the secret refers to Our Lady's words: ‘If not [Russia] will spread her errors throughout the world, causing wars and persecutions of the Church. The good will be martyred; the Holy Father will have much to suffer; various nations will be annihilated' (13-VII-1917). 

The third part of the secret is a symbolic revelation, referring to this part of the Message, conditioned by whether we accept or not what the Message itself asks of us: ‘If my requests are heeded, Russia will be converted, and there will be peace; if not, she will spread her errors throughout the world, etc.'. 

http://www.vatican.va/roman_curia/congregations/cfaith/documents/rc_con_...

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 16:17 | 3327361 Iocosus
Iocosus's picture

Do you think her requests were heeded?

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 16:31 | 3327418 tbone654
tbone654's picture

causing wars and persecutions of the Church. The good will be martyred; the Holy Father will have much to suffer; various nations will be annihilated'

That's what I was affraid of...  Can see that train coming...  It gets closer and larger every day...

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 16:40 | 3327451 Buckaroo Banzai
Buckaroo Banzai's picture

Nope, clearly not yet. But there is still time to repent.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 16:57 | 3327517 Iocosus
Iocosus's picture

I have been seeing more regarding Putin and the strengthening of the Eastern Orthodox Church in Russia. While it is heartening, the results will speak for themselves (some figures have abortions at 7 per woman).

We all look for hope, but the signs are too obvious and there are simply too many self-absorbed morons occupying bodies here. We'll be dodging not only Stasi enforcers, the expansion of the beast system, and surviving, but also jumping out of the way of meteors, lightning, and the possessed.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 16:37 | 3327441 LFMayor
LFMayor's picture

Some secret, if the whole of the freakin catholic world knows it.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 16:41 | 3327453 Buckaroo Banzai
Buckaroo Banzai's picture

It remained a secret for almost a 100 years. Pope John Paul 2 only revealed it at the end of his papacy. Clearly he thought we needed to know.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 17:11 | 3327578 InTheLandOfTheBlind
InTheLandOfTheBlind's picture

since when did fatima become something other than a fraud?

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 17:12 | 3327590 InTheLandOfTheBlind
InTheLandOfTheBlind's picture

remember that karl marx died in 1883, which is a lot earlier than 1917.  

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 08:23 | 3329118 tarsubil
tarsubil's picture

I think more importantly, "Demons" by Fyodor Dostoyevsky was published in 1872.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 16:57 | 3327518 nofluer
nofluer's picture

Ummm... that would be the "UNION of Soviet Socialist RepublicS"

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:30 | 3327083 toys for tits
toys for tits's picture

 

He's probably relieved that he doesn't have to worry about the social misery caused by Argentianian hyperinflation anymore.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:33 | 3327103 U4 eee aaa
U4 eee aaa's picture

He's moving to Italy. This is an improvement?

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:50 | 3327213 the grateful un...
the grateful unemployed's picture

he can pray for all the Italian housewives who lost everything in Argentine bonds

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:31 | 3327090 Soda Popinski
Soda Popinski's picture

Elected on the 13th day of the 13th year, 13 days after Benedict left Rome.  Bad omen. 

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:40 | 3327137 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

And he was born on December 13th.

Lucky for China?

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:40 | 3327142 drbill
drbill's picture

Bad is good now. Just like bad news is bullish for the markets.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:42 | 3327145 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

News said he was born on December 13th, but Wikipedia says December 17th.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:33 | 3327102 tarsubil
tarsubil's picture

Hey, that guy did my taxes for me last year!

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:37 | 3327124 HD
HD's picture

Odd, he fixed my sink...

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:54 | 3327237 the grateful un...
the grateful unemployed's picture

okay we have a Gypsy Pope, don't make a big deal out of it

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:34 | 3327104 FubarNation
FubarNation's picture

Its good to be the Pope.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:33 | 3327105 kito
kito's picture

his first pronouncement is to actually follow the word of Jesus....the Church will give away all of its riches....all of its gold....all of its shares of stock............all of its real estate holdings...............the Church will do this so that all Catholics may find their way to heaven. then there will be peace in the world................

 

'I tell you the truth, it is hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.

 "If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me."

Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust consume and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourself treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust consumes and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.

 

 

 

 


Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:42 | 3327156 Meat Hammer
Meat Hammer's picture

Excellent, Kito.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:44 | 3327170 tickhound
tickhound's picture

I love the new Pope!  I won't hafta worry about my mortgage now... or my cellphurne payment...

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:48 | 3327198 McMolotov
McMolotov's picture

Keep Jorge Mario Bergoglio in Pope!

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 16:03 | 3327224 Taint Boil
Taint Boil's picture

 

 

 

The Economist estimates that the Catholic Church spends about $171,600,000,000 a year.

Not a typo – sweet mother of Jesus!

Bullet Proof Glass

 

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 16:53 | 3327504 machineh
machineh's picture

And with totally secret, opaque accounting, everything will appear just fine until the weekend the church DEFAULTS.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:55 | 3327245 toys for tits
toys for tits's picture

the Church will give away all of its riches...

 

The Catholic Church has been giving away its riches, thanks to the sexual scandals.

 

All organized religions will be wiped out in the very near future and the governments and big businesses will mourn.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 16:35 | 3327432 Shizzmoney
Shizzmoney's picture

I just wish that Jesus Christ would come back for this very reason, and then arrive at the Vatican, see all of the gold, extravagance, etc.........just so we can hear him say, "You assholes really didn't pay attention and get it, did you?"

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 23:33 | 3328576 Kirk2NCC1701
Kirk2NCC1701's picture

They will, if the Satan-worshiping wing of the NWO has its way.  According to the folks who believe that the NWO is led by Satanists.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:35 | 3327111 dark pools of soros
dark pools of soros's picture

white smoke bitchez

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:51 | 3327218 Money Squid
Money Squid's picture

if they used a vaporizor there would be no smoke, just the high

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:52 | 3327221 the grateful un...
the grateful unemployed's picture

i'm not celebrating until i see some of that coming out of the stack on top of the White House

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:35 | 3327117 RougeUnderwriter
RougeUnderwriter's picture

God Bless him and flock he now represents  :-)

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:38 | 3327122 Money Squid
Money Squid's picture

which god?

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:58 | 3327269 NoTTD
NoTTD's picture

There is no other God but God.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 16:02 | 3327287 Colonial Intent
Colonial Intent's picture

And mohammed is the prophet of god.

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 06:46 | 3329018 Colonial Intent
Colonial Intent's picture

Hey down arroweres, he posted the first line of the koran so i posted the second, get a clue.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 16:04 | 3327301 Money Squid
Money Squid's picture

Can I find that one on http://www.godchecker.com ?

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 16:26 | 3327399 toys for tits
toys for tits's picture

Wow, I've never been to godchecker before. They have more gods than I could shake a stick at.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 16:42 | 3327455 Cathartes Aura
Cathartes Aura's picture

"There's never just one. . ."

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 00:41 | 3328726 Jam Akin
Jam Akin's picture

You referring to my ashtray CA?

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:38 | 3327125 BandGap
BandGap's picture

Amen.

Out of all the bad and evil things in the world it is good to see people of any denomination unite under God.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 16:07 | 3327316 Colonial Intent
Colonial Intent's picture

Indeed, the crusades went really well.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 16:18 | 3327357 Buckaroo Banzai
Buckaroo Banzai's picture

No, actually, they didn't go well at all. If they had gone well, they would have wiped the Muslims from the face of the earth.

THis is the price we paid for their failures. Funny how you didn't get to read any of this in your state-sanctioned history books.

 

Holy Warriors: Islam and the Demise of Classical Civilization

"One of the most enduring problems of history is the decline of Classical Civilization. How was it that the civilization of Greece and Rome, which had endured almost a thousand years, a civilization which prized learning, science and reason, gave way to the world of the Medieval; an age which saw, for a while, the almost complete disappearance of the rationalist spirit of Greece and Rome? The traditional view was that after their seizure of Italy in the fifth century, the Barbarian tribes of Germany and Scythia had reduced Europe to an economic and cultural wasteland, initiating a Dark Age, which was to last half a millennium. After the Reformation, another suspect was added to the list: Christianity, or, more accurately, Catholic Christianity. In this view Christianity was corrupted beyond recognition after the time of Constantine and from the fourth century onwards a power-hungry Church hierarchy, in cahoots with the Imperial authorities, kept the population of Europe in subservience and ignorance, effectively completing the destructive work of the Barbarians.


In this ground-breaking work, historian John J. O'Neill examines a great variety of evidence from many specialties and reaches an astonishing and novel conclusion: Classical Civilization was not destroyed by Barbarians or by Christians. It survived intact into the early seventh century. The Vandals and Goths who seized the Western Empire in the fifth century had become completely romanized by the start of the sixth century. Artistic and intellectual life flourished, as did the economy and the cities built earlier under the Empire. Yet sometime in the middle of the seventh century everything changed. Cities were abandoned, literacy plummeted, royal authority declined and local strongmen, or "barons", seized control of the provinces. The Middle Ages had begun.

Who or what had caused this? As O'Neill notes, by the 1920s Belgian historian Henri Pirenne had located the proverbial "smoking gun"; but it was not in the hands of the Barbarians or the Christians: it was held by those who, even then, it had become fashionable to credit with saving, rather than destroying, Classical Civilization: the Arabs. In a conclusion that will have resonance for the modern world, O'Neill argues convincingly that all we regard as "Medieval" had its origin in Islam, and that the Muslims terminated Classical Civilization in Europe just as surely as they did in the Middle East. O'Neill shows how the sudden relapse of Europe in the seventh century was due entirely to the economic blockade imposed by Islam's war against Christendom. The Mediterranean, which had previously been a cultural highway, now became a frontier, and a very dangerous frontier at it. Prompted by Islam's doctrine of perpetual war against nonbelievers, Muslim pirates scoured the Mediterranean, effectively ending all trade between Europe and the great centers of civilization in the Near East. The flow of gold ended, as did the supply of all luxury items. And so too did the supply of papyrus from Egypt, without which Europeans were forced to rely on expensive parchment. Not surprisingly, literacy plummeted. Worst of all, the great cities of the West, which depended upon the trade in luxury items from the East, began to decline.

As the dominant power of the time, ideas originating in the Islamic world now began to penetrate Europe. From their Muslim foes Christian Europeans began to think in terms that would have been unimaginable a century earlier. The idea of "Holy War" entered the mindset of Christians, and, under the influence of Islam, the rationalism of Greece and Rome began to be replaced by a literal and intolerant interpretation of "The Book." Classical civilization was dead."

 

http://www.amazon.com/Holy-Warriors-Classical-Civilization-ebook/dp/B007...

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 16:46 | 3327458 tbone654
tbone654's picture

My friend J.L. White wrote a book that included references of the corruption of the catholic church during that time...  Books called "The Tree of Life, an Atomic Alternative" and was self published in 1989...  Just pulled it off the shelf, and read the last paragraph...

"In Jerusalem flows the river of the Water of Life, bright as crystal, pouring out from the throne of God and of the Lamb, right down the middle of the street.  On either side of the river is the Tree of Life producing twelve different kinds of fruit and giving new fruit every month.  The leaves from the Tree of Life were used to heal the nations.  No longer will they suffer from the curse of the religon of church and state because God's throne and the Lamb's throne are in Jerusalem.  God's servants will worship Him and see Him face to face.  No longer will there be night.  There will be no need for a sun; even the need for a lamp will be nonexistent because the Lord God will shine on them and they will be kings forever."

"No longer will they suffer from the curse of the religon of church and state"

referring of course to the corruption of the catholic church...

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 01:07 | 3328771 Seer
Seer's picture

"referring of course to the corruption of the catholic church..."

No way!  Power doesn't corrupt!  Um, well... never mind!

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 17:02 | 3327541 Joebloinvestor
Joebloinvestor's picture

My understanding is that is how the stories of dragons and monsters were created.

To protect the egos of the "christians" who git their asses kicked all the way back to where they came from by a bunch of Asians riding smaller horses.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 23:24 | 3328557 Pseudo Anonym
Pseudo Anonym's picture

one and the same

they would have wiped the Muslims from the face of the earth

the islamic connection to rome: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BDBRPF9uCYk

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 06:45 | 3329015 Colonial Intent
Colonial Intent's picture

I will never forget the /Sarc tag again.

Apologies,

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:37 | 3327121 falak pema
falak pema's picture

stalemate or new game?

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:38 | 3327127 Money Squid
Money Squid's picture

meet the new boss, same as the old boss, won't get fooled again

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:57 | 3327263 NoTTD
NoTTD's picture

Yes, you will.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:56 | 3327255 Orly
Orly's picture

Definitely a new game.

First Jesuit.

New name.

Spreading the word of Love.

Defintiely not the same.

 

:D

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:38 | 3327126 medium giraffe
medium giraffe's picture

Another old man dressed as a Wizard?  It's like fucking Hogwarts around here...

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:38 | 3327128 Meat Hammer
Meat Hammer's picture

Pope Affirmative Action I

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:40 | 3327140 Charles Nelson ...
Charles Nelson Reilly's picture

He is a Jesuit.  I went to a Jesuit HS & a Jesuit college.... most Jesuits not all, are Marxists that put social justice above all.  I'm not terribly surprised by this move.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:44 | 3327179 Meat Hammer
Meat Hammer's picture

Francis just told the people that we're "all in this together".  

Remind you of anyone?

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:47 | 3327197 the grateful un...
the grateful unemployed's picture

Francis of Sinatra

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:52 | 3327223 dick cheneys ghost
dick cheneys ghost's picture

Francis of Sawyer

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 16:51 | 3327493 ParkAveFlasher
ParkAveFlasher's picture

Frankie Baggadonuts, teamster union rep local 219.  Now cough up da money.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 17:41 | 3327684 knukles
knukles's picture

What has been hidden shall be shouted from the rooftops.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 21:21 | 3328222 WmMcK
WmMcK's picture

Frankie Frisch, one of the 2 Cardinals to go to Hofstra.

(Is that too much of a reach?)

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 16:08 | 3327318 medium giraffe
medium giraffe's picture

Hitler?

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:46 | 3327192 lotsoffun
lotsoffun's picture

very well done.  look at the statistics and growth.  south america is huge catholic population.  they had to do it. 

i was suprised by the german choice, but they did that first to mitigate the wwii thing and now common sense is

simply south america.  had to be done.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 16:09 | 3327314 akak
akak's picture

Yep, the game plan is crystal clear, but they have to ease into the Third World pope --- first a couple of non-Italian Europeans, then a South American, then maybe an Indian or a Philipino, then finally an African. 

After that, maybe they will chose a cardinal from Egypt or Syria, just for the fun of it.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 16:19 | 3327368 LFMayor
LFMayor's picture

I'm holding out for one from Chechnya.  That will be a hell of a party.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 16:38 | 3327444 Shizzmoney
Shizzmoney's picture

Replacing the shitty wine with vodka could get a few more butts in the seats at Church on Sundays. 

Smirnoff Blood of Christ......

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:58 | 3327271 MrNude
MrNude's picture

''The permanent instruction of the alta vendita''

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 08:30 | 3329134 lakecity55
lakecity55's picture

And how will Skeeter handle the competition?

Skeeter does not play well with others.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:45 | 3327181 Manipuflation
Manipuflation's picture

Great.  Is everything fixed now?  Before the news broke, I had just started to write some of my usual trash, this one entitled "Multiple Breeds of Bull(shit)".  Does this mean I don't have to finish it?  I had better keep going on the keyboard just in case.

disclosure: agnostic and libertarian.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:45 | 3327182 Flakmeister
Flakmeister's picture

Apparently he placed second on all 5 ballots in the 2005 conclave....

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:46 | 3327188 the grateful un...
the grateful unemployed's picture

so we have a POPE who is familiar with financial chaos, currency collapse, idiotic wars over sheep covered islands, more financial chaos, larger than life political leaders, more currency collapse, bond defaults, hubris in all its forms, and deeply concerned with the plight of the poor. He's not an American, but he could be.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:57 | 3327254 magpie
magpie's picture

For people living on other continents, he is an American...not of the citizenism variety, but nonetheless a Pope from the New World.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:47 | 3327196 Money Squid
Money Squid's picture

"His doctrinal orthodoxy emphasizes Christ's mandate to love: he is well remembered for his 2001 visit to a hospice, in which he washed and kissed the feet of twelve AIDS patients."

Oh my, how holly. Did he spend a tiny fraction of the church's billions on antiviral drugs for the AIDS patients before he left, or was the feet washing good enough?

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:50 | 3327211 SubjectivObject
SubjectivObject's picture

So Okay we know how he feels about gay marriage.

What's his position on the retention/protection of pedophile priests?

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:52 | 3327226 Orly
Orly's picture

Praise Pope Francis.  Bless us all.

Lord knows we need it.

 

 

Bad.

 

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:53 | 3327228 dontgoforit
dontgoforit's picture

We Catholics are hoping for the best.  I get your humor, folks, but give the guy a chance.  The church does a lot of good for a lot of people worldwide everyday. 

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:54 | 3327239 tony bonn
tony bonn's picture

a jesuit? they elected a bankster. monti's revenge

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 16:20 | 3327374 Umh
Umh's picture

Maybe they felt in need of protection.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:55 | 3327246 Bam_Man
Bam_Man's picture

The Vatican Rag (Tom Lehrer)

 

First you get down on your knees,
Fiddle with your rosaries,
Bow your head with great respect,
And genuflect, genuflect, genuflect!

Do whatever steps you want, if
You have cleared them with the Pontiff.
Everybody say his own
Kyrie eleison,
Doin' the Vatican Rag.

Get in line in that processional,
Step into that small confessional,
There, the guy who's got religion'll
Tell you if your sin's original.
If it is, try playin' it safer,
Drink the wine and chew the wafer,
Two, four, six, eight,
Time to transubstantiate!

So get down upon your knees,
Fiddle with your rosaries,
Bow your head with great respect,
And genuflect, genuflect, genuflect!

Make a cross on your abdomen,
When in Rome do like a Roman,
Ave Maria,
Gee it's good to see ya,
Gettin' ecstatic an'
Sorta dramatic an'
Doin' the Vatican Rag! 

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 23:46 | 3328603 NYMom
NYMom's picture

"A little philosophy inclineth man's mind to atheism, but depth in philosophy bringeth men's minds about to religion". Sir Francis Bacon

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 15:56 | 3327250 NoTTD
NoTTD's picture

Well, at least they got the youth factor in there.   Also the Fascist-family-flees-Itlay-for-Argentina-demo.  That's huge.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 17:03 | 3327299 SqueekyFromm
SqueekyFromm's picture

Another Pope Thread??? Let me repost my Irish Poem from the other thread:

 

Pax Caramella

The Catholics have a new Pope,

Who will prosecute bad priests, we hope.

And put them in jail

Without any bail,

And make them bend over for soap!

 

Squeeky Fromm, Girl Reporter

 

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 16:06 | 3327312 T-NUTZ
T-NUTZ's picture

First Jewish Pope

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 16:43 | 3327459 toys for tits
toys for tits's picture

Wouldn't that be the apostle Peter?

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 17:18 | 3327606 Falconsixone
Falconsixone's picture

Oh! They love puffin Peter!

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 16:11 | 3327322 Dewey Cheatum Howe
Dewey Cheatum Howe's picture

Some interesting history revisions done on wikipedia the minute he was announced which was Jore Mario Bergoglio's theological leanings. Reason is they give insight into the upcoming elections or coalition formation for an existing government.

Here is what was scrubbed off wikipedia.

Jorge originally was an adherent to a movement called liberation theology

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Liberation_theology

This is basically the equivalent to Christian marxism.

At some point he changed his position (allegedly) and embraced what is called Communion and Liberation

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Comunione_e_Liberazione

So the question is, is Jorge just a "unchanged christian marxist"  who joined a "Catholic integralist and anti-Marxist political organization" for political favor since Communion and Liberation was openly supported by Pope John Paul II or not?

The implication here is that the movement is tied to the old Christian Democratic Party which in turn became part of Silvio Bersculoni's coalition in later incarnations including the current election. Socalist wolf in sheep's clothing is the question to ask now.

 

I'm kicking myself in the ass for not taking a screenshot since I had wikipedia queued up and ready for the announcement. I'm surprised how fast the information was edited (scrubbed clean).

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 16:19 | 3327369 Dewey Cheatum Howe
Dewey Cheatum Howe's picture

Looks like the Guardian picked up on it also before it was scrubbed.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2013/mar/13/jorge-mario-bergoglio-pope-p...

Cardinal Jorge Mario Bergoglio, who has become the Catholic church's 266th pope, is the choice of humility, a Jesuit intellectual who travels by bus and has a practical approach to poverty: when he was appointed a cardinal, Bergoglio persuaded hundreds of Argentinians not to fly to Rome to celebrate with him but instead to give the money they would have spent on plane tickets to the poor.

Something of a surprise choice – he was quoted as a 30/1 outsider going into the conclave – the archbishop of Buenos Aires was one of the leading challengers to Joseph Ratzinger during the 2005 conclave that elected the latter as Benedict XVI.

A champion of liberation theology which some thought might have been too much for conservatives in the Vatican, he nonetheless is considered a candidate that everyone in the higher echelons of the church respects. He becomes the church's first Latin American pope.

Much is made of his humility: he gave up the grandiose setting of the cardinal's residence in the Argentine capital for the trappings of a small apartment, and rejected the notion of a chauffeur driven car for public transport.

Bergoglio, who will take the name Francis as pope, was born in December 1936, one of five children of an Italian railway worker. He reportedly had a lung removed while a teenager, due to an infection. He taught literature and psychology in Argentina before being ordained in 1969. He was created a cardinal by John Paul II on 21 February 2001.

Unlike other cardinals, he has been untarnished by the various scandals rocking the Catholic church, and is thought to want to make reform of the Curia a priority. He was a fierce opponent of Argentina's decision to legalise gay marriage in 2010, arguing children need to have the right to be raised and educated by a father and a mother. But he takes a slightly more pragmatic view on contraception, believing that it can be permissible to prevent the spread of disease. He is ecumenical, believing in interfaith dialogue.

In 2009 Bergoglio made headlines when he criticised the government of Ernesto Kirchner, husband of current Argentine president Cristina Fernández de Kirchner, claiming it was "immoral, illegitimate and unjust" to allow inequality in the country to grow. "Rather than preventing that, it seems they have opted for making inequalities even greater," he said. "Human rights are not only violated by terrorism, repression or assassination, but also by unfair economic structures that creates huge inequalities," he said at the time.

 

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 16:38 | 3327387 Dewey Cheatum Howe
Dewey Cheatum Howe's picture

Here is the unscrubbed wikipedia page prior to election.

http://religion.wikia.com/wiki/Jorge_Bergoglio

ViewsEdit Liberation theologyEdit

Bergoglio is an accomplished theologian who distanced himself from liberation theology early in his career. He is thought to be close to Comunione e Liberazione, a conservative lay movement.

Abortion and euthanasiaEdit

Cardinal Bergoglio has invited his clergy and laity to support the culture of life, in which human life is recognized and respected from its conception to its natural end. [1]

HomosexualityEdit

He has affirmed church teaching on homosexuality, though he teaches the importance of respecting individuals who are gay.

Church and AIDSEdit Main article: Roman Catholic Church and AIDS

His doctrinal conservatism is tempered with compassion: he is well remembered for his 2001 visit to a hospice, in which he washed and kissed the feet of twelve AIDS patients.

Social justiceEdit

He consistently preaches a message of compassion towards the poor, but some observers would like him to place a greater emphasis on issues of social justice. Rather than articulating positions on matters of political economy, Bergoglio prefers to emphasize spirituality and holiness, believing that this will naturally lead to greater concern for the suffering of the poor. He has, however, voiced support for social programs, and publicly challenged free-market policies.

Relations with the Argentine governmentEdit See also: Dirty War

On April 15, 2005, a human rights lawyer filed a criminal complaint against Argentine cardinal Bergoglio, accusing him of conspiring with the junta in 1976 to kidnap two Jesuit priests, whom he, as superior of the Society of Jesus of Argentina in 1976 had asked to leave their pastoral work following conflict within the Society over how to respond to the new military dictatorship, with some priests advocating a violent overthrow. Bergoglio's spokesman has flatly denied the allegations. No hard evidence was presented linking the cardinal to this crime.[1]

I screenshoted the page for archival purposes. Will also upload the offline html page somewhere later on too for archival purposes. I like wikipedia but everyone just got a textbook lesson in history revision via the democratic editing process on wikipedia.

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 16:48 | 3327482 magpie
magpie's picture

The last paragraph could be very badass if he were measured by the same standards with which Cardinal Ratzinger was 'cough'

Wed, 03/13/2013 - 16:27 | 3327402 Orly
Orly's picture

Seriously?

Don't you think that if anyone in the world should be a Marxist it should be the Pope?

:/

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